Welcome to The Pub At the End of the Universe.

[Calz]

Say Bob ... since you are here for awhile ...

I read both of Lou Baldin's earlier books and am now working on the one that has the Q/A from ATS 2005-6.

I did read through some of his forum Q/A but not much.

I still have not found a reference to the statement that captured my initial interest (suggesting *all* humans have been abucted at least 3 times) and in the ATS material he seems to refute that suggesting family members (not his children) *not* being in the system so to speak. That is dated now more than 5 years so perhaps he has come to that notion since then.

Since John Lear is in the forum, perhaps that is where you saw that.

Looking forward for when you can relax more and have time to chat about it.



Cal

(not to worry ... I won't go looking for images of Milton in a tutu )

[another bob]

Calz, it was in one of his Q & A, don't recall which. You can go right over to the UFoLou forum and ask Lear directly, I'm sure he'll have your answer.

[songsfortheotherkind]

Posted by Calz_Avaretard (here)

Oooooh ... I like blue ones ... they're so ... smurphy

heh, blue works for me too...

[songsfortheotherkind]

Posted by Zebra (here)
us girlies can be soo mean (but we can get it back too)

Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8CcfBlSBlc

My male partner and I sat there watching this vid and he said 'I'm just waiting for her right hook to lash out'. We saw a little boundary invader refusing to get the message and harassing someone who didn't want their attentions. We were cheering her on with her continued refusal. Interesting thing- if she had have hauled off and hit him it would most likely have been *her* getting the disapproval, not him. Same thing if it had've been a girl hassling a boy for a hug and he hit her to make her go away.

Interesting.

[songsfortheotherkind]

Posted by Calz_Avaretard (here)


Nicely played ... that was fun

Well ... why not try the *shapely shifter* so you never have to worry about *changing*???

Yuppers, I'm aiming for something more Mystique than boutique, that's for certain. :D

And I like the idea of changing colors, because then I can express my inner world more.





... of course, you *do* remember I am a bit partial to blue ...

[Calz]

Posted by songsfortheotherkind (here)

Yuppers, I'm aiming for something more Mystique than boutique, that's for certain. :D

And I like the idea of changing colors, because then I can express my inner world more.

[songsfortheotherkind]

Posted by Calz_Avaretard (here)

Posted by songsfortheotherkind (here)

Yuppers, I'm aiming for something more Mystique than boutique, that's for certain. :D

And I like the idea of changing colors, because then I can express my inner world more.

yes.



ignore the g-string and gravity defying breasts, it's the hair that's important...

[Calz]

Posted by songsfortheotherkind (here)



yes.



ignore the g-string and gravity defying breasts, it's the hair that's important...

Cool ... stache contest 2nd round ... going topside ...

[but I *like* g-string and gravity defying breasts ]

[Borden]

Here's one for Calz ...

[Calz]

Posted by Borden (here)
Here's one for Calz ...

Doing green too I can ...

Flexible I must be ...

Learned all about changing colors from Songsie I have ...

[Borden]

Here's another Marvel character, blue this time ...



I remember laughing when I heard Ian McKellen suggest that while Magneto and Mystique are lovers in the X-Men films, what form might she assume in the bedroom? I think he suggested Wolverine, haha.

[Calz]

Posted by Borden (here)

I remember laughing when I heard Ian McKellen suggest that while Magneto and Mystique are lovers in the X-Men films, what form might she assume in the bedroom? I think he suggested Wolverine, haha.

[Borden]

Songsy, if I were Thor and you were Iron ... Lady - you know we wouldn't be fighting. We'd be playing practical jokes on unsuspecting norms while giggling and occasionally yodelling in the sky.
Remember ... with great power comes great irresponsibility.

[Calz]

Posted by Borden (here)

Songsy, if I were Thor and you were Iron ... Lady -

Ouch ... I don'ts wants to looks ...




... this will *not* end well ...

[Borden]

Noooooo! Not that Iron Lady, Calz ... by all that's holy, man!



Best I could find in a hurry. The artist needs some lessons in fore-shortening from big John Buscema or someone, but you get the point.

What is it, by the way, about artists, plastic surgeons and some women that makes them think breasts look better when they don't look like real breasts? It's always mystified me. I will say though, as a former comic book artist, breasts are harder to draw than one might think. Hands and noses are the notoriously difficult things to get right, but breasts are mysteriously difficult too.

p.s. speaking with my art Borden hat on, I think the pic I posted of She-Hulk is a really beautiful drawing. I think it was obviously done using a model or a photo, and the tone may be a little tacky of course, but the musculature and the light are so good. I keep looking at it, at the calf, the hands, the face - and seeing a really good artist at work.

[Calz]

Speaking of the [Reptile] Queen ...





... that ol' Zebra Patron really has some action going out there in the wilderness (on the *other* side of the Universe).

She likes to get high on a clif ...






Of course once you are high enough ... you have trouble discerning black from white ... even when the pope is involved.





I understand now why she has fully earned her stripes ...

[Borden]

Agreed, Calz ... I haven't listened to the Clif High interview she posted yet, but I like Red Ice, and from interviews I've heard in the past Mr. High struck me as a very passionate and intelligent chap. Reading some of her posts in that thread, I'm reminded that she's intimidatingly clever, and that Zebras ain't just stripy horses.

[Katyani]

That's right..and they know how to move, somewhat camouflaged, in many different terrains.

[REILLY]

And when the mood strikes her, she transforms into "Hot Zebra"




The question is, which mood?

[songsfortheotherkind]

A very long time ago I was ok with my Self in the world. I played piano and guitar, wrote music, and novels, and had poetry published at a ridiculously early age; I wrote my first (and only) rock opera (including choreography, music and lyrics) at age 13, had other plays performed by age 14, I rode motorbikes and horses with equally reckless abandon, I wallpapered my room with my art and my writing, I played football on the boys team informally (and no matter how much the team pleaded with the coaches I was never allowed to play formally even though I was considered a ferocious player), I was a mean slow bowler in cricket and I danced and sang like an angel.



I was considered a weird chick. My intelligence intimidated others and I kind of knew that, I just lived with the knowledge that if a male was showing an interest in me it was generally because he either wanted to go out with one of my friends and was trying to discover the best way of doing that, or because he found me oddly compelling and fascinating in a car crash kind of way. Males considered me either another male, a friend, or someone who knew the chick they wanted to date. I can remember at a party when I was 15 one of my teachers (who was there as a partygoer, not a teacher) was watching me dance in the kitchen away from the main party and asked me with curiosity why I didn't have a boyfriend- I was smart, funny, cute, a great dancer- why didn't I have a boyfriend?



I can remember looking at her in puzzlement and replying that guys only talked to me if they wanted answers to their homework questions or wanted to date my friends; hadn't she noticed my peers considered me weird? She wanted to know if I was bothered about that and I laughed, telling her that I had way more interesting things to do than be concerned about what guys were thinking.

Then somewhere within the next year the virus inspired social programming that I was supposed to care about the whole male thing kicked in and I really, really screwed things up. I really did. I lost my Self and gradually lost my signal and just got lost in all the noise. I've been struggling to get clear of that ever since.



When I created the Pub I'd been working on tracking back to my own clear signal, the one that carries my own singular frequency without any of the virus programming. And what did I do, just to prove how far I'd come?- like the sublime idiot I am, I fell heartfirst straight down the same gorram hole!



I do not in any way consider that a mistake. It's been one of the most awesome learning curves of my life actually, because it's inspired me to look at that Pippy Longstocking element of me and to really give her some consideration. I'm writing again, I now have a computer that is actually *capable* of editing my films, I have recognised many things about my Self and my constant physical and spiritual touch hunger- my succubus nature and what I need to own about that if I'm going to live without the constant hunger- and I'm opening up my life in the physical world to possibilities that I hadn't been holding in the space since I was that girl dancing in the moonlight.

One of the things I've realised in this part of the journey is that I don't want to make decisions based on defenses. It's easy for me to fall into that space at the moment, even in the slidiest of ways, and that's not what I'm interested in: I want to live with a *clear* signal, for that to beam out and be my personal lighthouse and guide. I want to be at peace with my Self, in all my weirdness and isolation; I used to spend weeks not speaking with anyone at all- I think as a teen I managed to get through three months without actually uttering a voluntary word to anyone, but that was the longest- I simply wrote out my inner world and then often just set fire to it.

What has been happening for me over the past week or so is that I've been orienting internally to the original signal and discovering that it often takes less than 5 seconds for me to be thrown off it by the messages regarding others and how I'm supposed to be with them, the noise, the stories, the construments, my defenses, blah blah blibbitty blah and it all gets me out of my own signal, out of my Art and my joy. I'm taking time out-despite how much demanding life stuff is going on at the moment in other ways- to really delve into what my signal is *really* saying, calling, Singing to me: if I was to give my Self the luxury of not letting a single individual anywhere interfere with who and how I want to be, what would it really look like?



I have no idea how to answer that question- yet. I know that I've started down a different path though- there is a quality of 'oh, ok, so it's like *this*, this is what I can look at now' without going into the blahsticks stories that the virus programming orients towards: I want to be that girl again, always, regardless of the judgements about how I might look externally or what others think I should or shouldn't be doing or saying or Being.

I realised this the other day when I was in the Thai food shop in Lismore. There was a new woman serving behind the counter and I was immediately attracted to her; she had the shiniest and open energy I'd encountered in ages and it expressed itself wonderfully in her appearance: the dreadlocked parts of her hair was piled up in a wild pony, and the rest of her hair was shaved around the sides and front of her head, except for the fringe. Instead of eyebrows she had a line of fine tattooed dots, her septum and nose were pierced, she had some beautiful tribal tattoos and I thought: you're so lovely. I could see her joy and personality shining through her every move; she didn't care about what others thought, she lived fully in her skin and her Self, I was watching another woman customer who was both clearly gay and who clearly knew this woman well, so my instincts had been right, but what really stood out to me was simply this woman's spirit.

In that moment it occurred to me how judgemental and dismissive some I've been associating with lately would have been of her- and I realised in the next moment that I'm just like that woman in the inside and I'm always going to be judged for that too. I was able to move the hologram around in many different ways and I saw so many things; I saw the way lesbian and bi women see each other and that I've never, ever experienced a male approaching me that way, as a Being and not as an external perception first. I experience lesbian and bi women engaging with me as a Being; men just don't. I want to experience being treated as a Being more- and as a lovely, wanted, appreciated, valued and desired Being at that, not furniture or a f*uck. My partner here has been confronted with my unwillingness to be treated as furniture and still have all the benefits; I'm quite happy being friends and to keep him out of the inner space if that's how he wants it, because I'm not longer prepared to give the best of me away to those who ultimately don't give a toss.

I am up for something very very different now. I'm happy to have very little if wanting anything more means putting up with crumbs and casual carelessness; I'll give to my Self before giving to those who aren't being truly consciously caring with me. I'm not engaging with the level of justifications that have been pointed at me in the past by my partners; if someone thinks I'm this or that, I'm not going to try and convince them otherwise, because that simply acts as a diversion from my paying attention to my own signal and I know that endless rabbit hole too. Either it's a mutually supportive and nourishing thing, or it's surface level stuff and I know how to do that.

I'm in an amazing place. I'm shedding the construments and interference. I know at the moment I get derailed every 5 seconds *and* that's going to get longer and stronger.



I don't want to wait until I'm 91 to give my Self permission to be exactly who I want to be and to be ok with the fact that I don't have the body of a 20 year old anymore: if that's what an individual is after, then I'm definitely *not* going to be the droid they seek. *grinning* I want to discover what I express when I'm not thinking about any other individual at all, when it's simply coming from my inner Shine. This post- and much of what I write here in the Pub- has come from that space, yet I know there is much more authenticity to bring into my way of Being. I have no idea yet what that looks like, I just know it's there.

I'm aware that part of the story that the virus wants me to take up is to give up on connecting with males; it would be so easy for me to do, just become a lesbian and take my repeated experiences as an indicator that the idea of exploring the masculine is, at least for me, a useless endeavour and to let it go. I'm aware of that trick and I'm not going down that path, even though I have no idea under what circumstances I would be called to explore that space, what kind of male could inspire that or what it might possibly look if I did, and I'm not closing the door, I'm just not focusing on it. Like my 15 year old Self said all those years ago, I've got better things to think about than what males think of me- and I'm really listening to her perspective now.

It's an amazing unearthing I'm doing at the moment, this sui generis expression archeology.