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Thread: Let's talk about autism

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    Avalon Member Renne's Avatar
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    Default Let's talk about autism

    Hello, Avalons,
    I don't know if this is the right place to share it. It's not good, it's very dark and negative. But there's so many words I want to talk, and they just always got stuck in my stomach.
    Like all the autisms, I cringe in a crowd, and when I had to join a crowd, I wear strange rag clothes and mess my hair so that I can feel less exposed. I don't make friends, and I feel sad when someone treat me nicely or sincerely, because HOW would I ever be able to respond it? I'm incapable of this.
    I feel that autism is like a cage, I locked the happy healthy and beautiful me in it. And all my life when I tried too heal myself, I feel like I'm doing a prison break.
    And Yes, there are so many things I've tried to free myself from this self-locking. Some are quite extreme. I watch horror films such as Ringu over and over, in the hope of reaching down my deep heavy cage just like Reiko Asakawa down to the deep well where Sadako lies.
    I feel that if I can't be free-from the past, the psychological illness or whatever is so dark and heavy in me-I will forever keep this strange, retarded and fragmental person who is not what I really am.
    Yeah, yeah. I should learn to accept my inner self and not be afraid of showing it to others: it's just too easy to say.
    I have being looking for the "right" way for a long time. Recently, I feel that every formula I tried, I cost a small piese of my soul. And right now my soul is so old and pale that not for long it will vanish into void...
    Last edited by Renne; 14th April 2012 at 07:13.
    endless light from the deepest black

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    Avalon Member Flash's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's talk about autism

    -Interesting: my daughter who had partial aphasia was telling me of a similar feeling (locked in and jail) when with people and not being able to truly communicate. Althugh she did not wear rags, she would try to communicate often to be rejected adn this made it hard

    IThink that whatever makes one different from others, mainly when relating to communication and feelings, it makes one vulnerable as well as enclosed within oneself.

    The best way is surely to accept who you are inside, knowing that the way it presents to the world has an impact you may have to learn to live with.

    Love to you

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    Default Re: Let's talk about autism

    Know that you are very special my friend. And also know that the autistic incarnated ones are crystal children and operate at a higher frequency and have the 3rd extra strand of DNA. Thus giving Mother Earth A High Frequency Upliftment just by you being here.. This is why your so special and valued here upon this planet at this eventful time. Cherish this gift. And know you are loved Infinitely, because you are an infinite soul. All my love. ~W.f.~
    "Although I Live On This World, I Choose Not To Live In It"
    <:~W.F.~:>

    "The answer to every question can be found in nature, if one knows how to look and listen”
    Gwilda Wiyaka

    "Everything on the Earth has a purpose, Every disease a herb to cure it, and every person a mission. This is the Indian theory of existence".
    Mourning Dove Salish


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    Default Re: Let's talk about autism

    Quote Posted by WhiteFeather (here)
    Know that you are very special my friend. And also know that the autistic incarnated ones are crystal children and operate at a higher frequency and have the 3rd extra strand of DNA. Thus giving Mother Earth A High Frequency Upliftment just by you being here.. This is why your so special and valued here upon this planet at this eventful time. Cherish this gift. And know you are loved Infinitely, because you are an infinite soul. All my love. ~W.f.~
    Yes, what Whitefeather said.. You are a very special person.. <3. I send you love and strength..

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    Avalon Member Renne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's talk about autism

    Thank you, Flash. It's good to know there's someone else having the "prison break" feeling.
    As for communication, I think I'm still struggling at the first step, which is communicating with myself.

    Love to you, too
    endless light from the deepest black

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    Default Re: Let's talk about autism

    Hi Renne,

    I know the feeling you describe intimately. I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome (High Functioning Autism) just a few years ago, already well into my mid 30's. Finding out so late was in some a relief - in that, it made some sense of all those years of feeling alien but also it came late in terms of repairing the psyche.

    There is no "cure" for Autism and although a life feeling like the true self, or who and how you ideally want to be, is trapped in a cage within is not a very happy prospect this feeling probably will never "completely" go away.... you live in a society in which you are a minority...a great many of the major inventions and ideas that have contributed to building the human society have come from Autistic minds. But an understanding of neurodiversity is still very primitive and most things are geared specifically to appeal to the neurotypical mind.

    You probably will always feel like an outsider locked inside yourself...but this doesn't have to be a "curse" at all.

    I don't really have so much advice for you, as I also am, in many ways, climbing the same mountain, but I can tell you this - you are not alone.

    The first step is to begin to stop being ashamed that you are not like "all the others", don't go overdrive: but be proud of who you are.
    Last edited by dan i el; 14th April 2012 at 09:33.
    "Thus, the task is not so much to see what no one yet has seen, but to think what nobody yet has thought about that which everybody sees."
    — Arthur Schopenhauer

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    Avalon Member Renne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let's talk about autism

    Quote Posted by dan i el (here)
    Hi Renne,

    I know the feeling you describe intimately. I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome (High Functioning Autism) just a few years ago, already well into my mid 30's. Finding out so late was in some a relief - in that, it made some sense of all those years of feeling alien but also it came late in terms of repairing the psyche.

    There is no "cure" for Autism and although a life feeling like the true self, or who and how you ideally want to be, is trapped in a cage within is not a very happy prospect this feeling probably will never "completely" go away.... you live in a society in which you are a minority...a great many of the major inventions and ideas that have contributed to building the human society have come from Autistic minds. But an understanding of neurodiversity is still very primitive and most things are geared specifically to appeal to the neurotypical mind.

    You probably will always feel like an outsider locked inside yourself...but this doesn't have to be a "curse" at all.

    I don't really have so much advice for you, as I also am, in many ways, climbing the same mountain, but I can tell you this - you are not alone.

    The first step is to begin to stop being ashamed that you are not like "all the others", don't go overdrive: but be proud of who you are.
    You've said it so right. 'Curse' is exactly how I feel, and also shame. it's very easy too feel ashamed as if so that I can be forgived of being strange.
    Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm happy to know your story. I wish we both will do better in the future!
    endless light from the deepest black

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    Default Re: Let's talk about autism

    [QUOTE=Renne;467411]
    Quote Posted by dan i el (here)
    I wish we both will do better in the future!
    yes, me too...
    "Thus, the task is not so much to see what no one yet has seen, but to think what nobody yet has thought about that which everybody sees."
    — Arthur Schopenhauer

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    Default Re: Let's talk about autism

    Hi Renne,

    I feel very moved by your story.

    It must be very hard to feel living in a jail with no prospect of coming out.

    To be true, I know the feeling also. Up until today, I'm not quit sure what the label on me is, but I even created a real jail for about 15 years for myself. I lived in my house and stayed there as much as possible, because I had fear of life and the people in it.
    I think I have some autism characteristics and other people have mentioned them to me as well. But recently I also discovered that PTSD is not something you only develop through war or a big car crash etc. I read about it and was really shocked about how many characteristics apply to me.
    With PTSD you get quite numb in the feeling department. Lately I start to believe this is what's been buggering me for so many years.

    You told that you tried every trick in the book to overcome your symptoms. Have you also tried with a diet? There is a HOT thread started by Dawn right now with a diet that is also supposed to cure many autisms. For other reasons than the autism, I will go for that diet.
    I'm sure you know about the many forms of autism that get awakened through the use of vaccines and that there are homoeopathic medicines to get rid the effects from that? I have seen people with autism get real better with that with my own eyes. My dad is a homoeopath.

    Watching Horror movies is not a good idea in my opinion, because autistic people are not numb in essence. They get numb because they feel so much that they can't handle it and simply shut down, right? Watching horror movies will enhance that.

    I can imagine very well that you feel cursed, but you know what? I am doing better every day for the last years and I stopped feeling cursed too.
    I don't believe that there is no way of getting better. If there's a will, there's a way. I hope you can open yourself for that possibility, even if you have tried so hard for so many years.

    kind regards,

    Waky
    Last edited by Eram; 14th April 2012 at 11:57.

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    Default Re: Let's talk about autism

    "Thus, the task is not so much to see what no one yet has seen, but to think what nobody yet has thought about that which everybody sees."
    — Arthur Schopenhauer

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    Default Re: Let's talk about autism

    I just want to say that I think you are very lucky, my son who has autism can't speak yet and eats foods of a certain texture and flaps his hands about a lot. He is very clever with numbers and a lot of people have said that autistic children are not affectionate but he is very loving. He has to go to a special school and he uses a wheel chair a lot of the time. He doesn't like loud noises or being near the ceiling heaters in shops which makes shopping difficult. I do not think he will ever be able to live on his own so I will always have to care for him. Although he has so many difficulties I feel extremely blessed to have this beautiful child in my life, the only wish I would have though is that I could live a long life so I knew he would be looked after. I am so lucky to have him xxxx

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    Default Re: Let's talk about autism

    Quote Posted by pugwash84 (here)
    I just want to say that I think you are very lucky, my son who has autism can't speak yet and eats foods of a certain texture and flaps his hands about a lot. He is very clever with numbers and a lot of people have said that autistic children are not affectionate but he is very loving. He has to go to a special school and he uses a wheel chair a lot of the time. He doesn't like loud noises or being near the ceiling heaters in shops which makes shopping difficult. I do not think he will ever be able to live on his own so I will always have to care for him. Although he has so many difficulties I feel extremely blessed to have this beautiful child in my life, the only wish I would have though is that I could live a long life so I knew he would be looked after. I am so lucky to have him xxxx
    What a moving post - you are a beautiful person.

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    Default Re: Let's talk about autism

    Dear Wacky,
    I want to tell you that I built a physical jail just like yours in my college dorm for four years, but now I have freed myself from that one!
    Autism is just a name we usually use. I have some PTSD characteristics as well, but I don't want to put a certain label on my syndrome. I feel that this is MY syndrome and there is no name or other definition that can fit it properly. And I have to launch a study in it from zero and by myself.
    I actually have a diet I'm very proud of! I eat as simple as I can because I can taste really well, and I hate the taste of antiseptics, compound essence or any other additives. And I made myself a great food list according to the Traditional Chinese Medical. I can tell you more if you are really going to do a diet.

    Love, Renne
    endless light from the deepest black

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    Default Re: Let's talk about autism

    Quote I just want to say that I think you are very lucky, my son who has autism can't speak yet and eats foods of a certain texture and flaps his hands about a lot. He is very clever with numbers and a lot of people have said that autistic children are not affectionate but he is very loving. He has to go to a special school and he uses a wheel chair a lot of the time. He doesn't like loud noises or being near the ceiling heaters in shops which makes shopping difficult. I do not think he will ever be able to live on his own so I will always have to care for him. Although he has so many difficulties I feel extremely blessed to have this beautiful child in my life, the only wish I would have though is that I could live a long life so I knew he would be looked after. I am so lucky to have him xxxx
    Yeah! What a loving post.
    I can tell you that in a gentle, soft environment, autistic children grow brighter and healthier with age, really.

    ¤=[Post Update]=¤

    What a good example of NOT being ashamed!
    endless light from the deepest black

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    Default Re: Let's talk about autism

    Hey Renne!

    Great you share what you experience, with us.

    First of all, there is another thread about Austism:
    http://projectavalon.net/forum4/show...998#post413998

    Putting a label on yourself and thinking you will never free yourself isn't a smart thing,
    but I have to tell you that I have felt exactly the same as you describe. Feeling locked up.
    I had actually a picture of a sad boy standing in a glass cage. Same as left picture from
    David Icke's book "Human race get of your f*c*ing knees". David calls it the bubble or the eggshell.
    The right one is the one we have to become again this time.

    Click image for larger version

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    We have to remeber who we really are. That's the new book of David and I begin
    to remember who I really am this time. As the conscious grows the ego shrinks
    and so we can free ourselves. You are already member of this forum so you are
    already more awake and aware than a lot of other people:

    Click image for larger version

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    Quote Posted by Wakytweaky (here)
    Watching Horror movies is not a good idea in my opinion,
    because autistic people are not numb in essence. They get numb because they feel so much
    that they can't handle it and simply shut down, right? Watching horror movies will enhance that.
    Like Waky says that's not a good idea. Than you are feeding the ego,
    because the ego loves pain. That's what the ego resonate with.

    There is a huge difference between the soul / higher self / conciousness and the ego. You
    are consciousness and still the ego is there (little part of you). But by being aware of the ego
    YOU are the one in control instead of the ego controlling you.

    Quote Posted by Renne (here)
    And right now my soul is so old and pale that not for long it will vanish into void
    There is the ego talking, it is not about the soul. The soul doesn't really have age and isn't pale at all.

    I can understand you, because you are young and looking at all those crazy people, doing crazy things
    and that's why you feel separated from them. Of course you don't want be like them. You don't have
    to and it's cool you are different. It's a good thing to be alone a lot of time, because you can work
    on yourself without all the distractions of other people/ tv/ radio and all the other noise. But try to
    shine your inner light more while being with other people instead of trying to hide. There is no need
    to hide! You can say what you want and do what you want. We are all different on this forum and
    that's why we incarnated on Earth this time.

    Remember Who You Are!

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    Default Re: Let's talk about autism

    Quote There is the ego talking, it is not about the soul. The soul doesn't really have age and isn't pale at all.
    No, No, Black Panther, I know my soul really have an old age. When a soul is new born, it's a ball of pure, compact energy, and as it gets older, it gets thinner and thinner. And now I feel my soul as thin as a lifting fog. I am very old, I know that. Sometimes I feel maybe this is my last incarnation.
    endless light from the deepest black

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    Default Re: Let's talk about autism

    do the incurable or 30 days detox program at https://www.herbdoc.com/
    see https://herbdocblog.com/books-dvds/ as to why

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    Default Re: Let's talk about autism

    Quote Posted by Renne (here)
    Quote There is the ego talking, it is not about the soul. The soul doesn't really have age and isn't pale at all.
    No, No, Black Panther, I know my soul really have an old age. When a soul is new born, it's a ball of pure, compact energy, and as it gets older, it gets thinner and thinner. And now I feel my soul as thin as a lifting fog. I am very old, I know that. Sometimes I feel maybe this is my last incarnation.
    Ok. I'm an old soul too. I was wrong by saying that. But in my opinion Autism is
    more a ego thing than having to do with the soul. That was what I was trying to say

    A pale and thin soul is something new for me.

    Wasn't offending you, was trying to help
    Remember Who You Are!

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    Default Re: Let's talk about autism

    Hey Renne, I remember you!

    You'll find your right way. You will. But before that happens, can you have a look sometime at the possibility that you've learned something about yourself that very few people are aware of. You know who you really are,
    and you don't have a mask you have to ware to cover it up.
    There's the you that struggles sometimes because you want to express, and I know that can feel extreme. But it's because you know how special the inner you is, that you want to express. Most everyone else uses their outward selves to hide that Self from themselves and everyone else. Weird eh?

    I was experiencing extreme panic disorder when I was your age. It went on for 10 years without any help at all. I never could tell anyone what was wrong, because I never found out. All of the years I should have been studying and forming my 'plan' were lost in desolation.
    Because there was a bigger plan for me.
    1, 2, 5, 10 times a day I faced what I felt as dying.
    And you know what I learned? I learned to die.
    And here I am.
    Seemed like a long time, but now it was just a long time ago.

    You'll be alright mate, I promise. There's a bigger plan for you.
    It's really nice to see you.
    Last edited by markpierre; 14th April 2012 at 14:56. Reason: form

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    Default Re: Let's talk about autism

    Hi Renne, Your name means "reborn". Did you chose it for the Avalon forum or is it your real name.... Wearing scruffy clothes .Do you need others to accept you just for yourself?. My grand daughter who is eight years old has recently been diagnosed as autistic. When she was little I used to think of her, like your photo', a solitary flower in a bleak landscape. She is coming round now often seeing the funny side of our human nature and serene of things as they are. Wishing you lots of love and resourcefulness. Gray

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