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Thread: It Doesn't Matter What Happens to Me.

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    Default It Doesn't Matter What Happens to Me.

    It doesn't matter what happens to me.

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    Default Re: It Doesn't Matter What Happens to Me.

    Quote Posted by markpierre (here)
    It doesn't matter what happens to me.

    Hi markpierre

    There is this thing that crawls at night looking for people that have let go and really don't care what happens, its called BS that fills the open space that you have created, or looking at it in another way, you have great capacity for anything and everything that you could imagine, why not use it??

    Regards to you
    roman

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    Default Re: It Doesn't Matter What Happens to Me.

    Quote Posted by ROMANWKT (here)
    Quote Posted by markpierre (here)
    It doesn't matter what happens to me.

    Hi markpierre

    There is this thing that crawls at night looking for people that have let go and really don't care what happens, its called BS that fills the open space that you have created, or looking at it in another way, you have great capacity for anything and everything that you could imagine, why not use it??

    Regards to you
    roman
    Thanks Roman. And I really like your Avatar. And thanks for the advice, it's exactly what I'm doing.

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    Default Re: It Doesn't Matter What Happens to Me.

    Quote Posted by markpierre (here)
    It doesn't matter what happens to me.
    I hear ya brother.
    All that is ~ is meant to be.
    All is as it should be ~ always.
    All is well

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    Avalon Member Maia Gabrial's Avatar
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    Default Re: It Doesn't Matter What Happens to Me.

    Quote It doesn't matter what happens to me.
    Sounds like you're not afraid of death, markpierre.

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    Default Re: It Doesn't Matter What Happens to Me.

    Quote Posted by markpierre (here)
    It doesn't matter what happens to me.
    Me either, but it's fun to pretend :D
    Life is what it is. How you perceive it creates your reality.

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    Default Re: It Doesn't Matter What Happens to Me.

    -- It only matters how you deal with what happens.

    I heard somebody say that before.

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    Default Re: It Doesn't Matter What Happens to Me.

    Okay. Looks like that's it. I can count on you guys.
    A lot of psychology in the statement, if it's coming out of nowhere. I can't imagine how I'd respond either. I might agree with some philosophical blah blah attached.
    But I was trying to get an idea of where anyone else was at in the book. It wasn't a test, and I have no idea what I'd do with the information, if there was any.

    It was actually a revelation, and I posted it as it was still going on. Just a random thought at first, in those words, and then an experience.
    Lasted till I fell asleep.

    I can see the ways that it can be read, and anyone reading it is going to position themselves somewhere within sympathy or understanding, or outright fear to varying degrees.

    You guys would have passed any test by replying at all. You'd have to be compelled by love.
    What would be interesting would be anyone who read it and couldn't reply, or couldn't be bothered. To learn what they saw and what they thought and felt.
    Or if the thought gets in and gets used in any way now or in the future. And how. Or not.
    Every 'new' thought or idea has an influence of some kind on all the previous and next new thoughts.

    It isn't the kind of thing that just comes up very often. But I have to always remember when I post anything, that a lot more people read these things, than just the guys we've gotten to know. It's a big responsibility.
    I want to be able to extend out there past my arms with things that are useful. If there really is an 'out there'.
    I think my karma is pretty caught up right now, I don't want to mess it up.

    It was sweet and lovely and graceful, and my body relaxed for the first time in weeks. I fully realized that if I could have that experience then, or if anyone could,
    it wasn't a fleeting thing, it was true. The last and truest thought I think you could have, using a conceptual mind.
    Then 'who knows?'

    I don't know what's going to happen. I'm pretty tired of nothing, but I know something's going to happen. In the meanwhile I'm changing every day, so that's happening.
    And every week it feels dramatic if I can even think back a week. There's barely time to integrate anything.
    It must be for some purpose or reason.

    I don't exclude the possibility of death, but it isn't the first thing I consider. The possibility of 'real life' looms as well.
    That's actually what I was working for, and never really acknowledged that it might possibly one day occur.
    I had a preview once, for 4 days. And it's far far more than anything my tiny identity could have known to ask for.
    That seemingly happened because I admitted that I was f'd, and I wasn't going to be able to charm my way safe again.
    I was fully ruined as an identity.
    Big spiritual deal.
    I just went and made up a series of new better identities and wasted a lot of time.
    The 'spiritual' identity was the biggest joke. Took the biggest stick to beat it out of me.

    How it arrives (life or death) would be as bizarre and unexpected as anything else has been for the last 4 years. 22 years really.
    No, 56 years. WTF?
    Including the exquisitely enjoyable and the not-so-enjoyable,
    and downright impossibly devastating.
    It's all been okay. I made a lot of good friends.

    What do you read? 'Hit the wall'? 'Suicide note'? 'Super out-there spiritual wisdom'? It doesn't matter to me, it might matter to you.
    I love you for caring enough about whoever wrote the thread, to chime in.
    Consolations and advice and acknowledgements all pleasurably accepted.

    At least it's an adventure.
    Last edited by markpierre; 28th May 2012 at 10:32.

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    Default Re: It Doesn't Matter What Happens to Me.

    You're an odd cookie markpierre...I like that!

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    Default Re: It Doesn't Matter What Happens to Me.

    Jump back in.........the water is fine. Yes, sometimes it's fast moving but also often feels stagnant. The rapids are a btch but so thrilling when I make it through. Sometimes it's hard to stay afloat, I feel like I'm drowning, I keep going under, can't catch my breath but then I remember to "go with the flow" and I become buoyant again. I've tried to go against the current but it's exhausting and I never get too far. I can't see what's around the next bend and the unknown is scary but I know this is my path.
    Last edited by Carolin; 28th May 2012 at 13:45.
    Life is what it is. How you perceive it creates your reality.

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    Default Re: It Doesn't Matter What Happens to Me.

    Quote Posted by Fred Steeves (here)
    You're an odd cookie markpierre...I like that!
    Thanks Fred...you have odd taste. But you get it...or you get something from it.

    What is it that needs to hang on to agendas and bodies and outcomes? What about even ideas like belonging to a race of beings in the first place?
    What is that thing that when it lets go of control, if even for a moment...gives itself everything it could ever want and more? Without using typical or convenient or popular terms.
    Whats it feel like? And don't patronize me.
    It's in every text in the universe, so it's pointless to quote.

    Not ego, because that word is entirely misunderstood by nearly everyone. It's more intimate than any 'idea' about an 'I'.
    'My illusory self is explaining what illusory self is to my illusory self.' Duh.
    And it's more compelling than instinct.

    Doesn't that just make you dizzy? Does me.
    Last edited by markpierre; 29th May 2012 at 05:21.

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    Default Re: It Doesn't Matter What Happens to Me.

    Quote Posted by markpierre (here)
    It doesn't matter what happens to me.
    For what it's worth..
    It matters to me....................

    I have never met you, I don't know you, and you don't know me. But what I do know, is that you are a member of the Avalon family, and I am a member of the Avalon family. So, in a sense, you are my brother. I care what happens to my brother.

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    Default Re: It Doesn't Matter What Happens to Me.

    Does it matter to your loved ones?

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    Default Re: It Doesn't Matter What Happens to Me.

    Quote Posted by markpierre (here)
    It doesn't matter what happens to me.

    I just wonder, to whom doesnt it matter?


    All is well


    Jorr

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    Default Re: It Doesn't Matter What Happens to Me.

    Quote Posted by jorr lundstrom (here)
    Quote Posted by markpierre (here)
    It doesn't matter what happens to me.
    I just wonder, to whom doesnt it matter?

    All is well

    Jorr
    Indeed. The quintessential universal question - "Who am I"

    http://www.scribd.com/doc/25358305/C...amana-Maharshi

    But I do get your original intention/realization implied in your OP Mark,

    similiar to a Vietnam Vet saying - "It doesn't mean a thing...",

    You might enjoy reading the link above if you have not already done so,

    Cheers my friend,
    tim

    PS lol check post timing, infinity? (2 sideways 8's) , somewhat relevant, yes?
    Last edited by Shadowman; 29th May 2012 at 00:04.

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    Default Re: It Doesn't Matter What Happens to Me.

    Matters not is an illusion or deception.
    You are here and THAT is significant.
    For me, everything is connected ...
    relavent and relative.

    And I appreciate your being here.
    KRKR

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    Default Re: It Doesn't Matter What Happens to Me.

    Quote Posted by markpierre (here)
    It doesn't matter what happens to me.
    It doesn't matter to me either... But then again it does... But then again...Who is the "me" we are talking about? Can this subtle entity be observed?
    Last edited by Fred Steeves; 29th May 2012 at 01:00.

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    Default Re: It Doesn't Matter What Happens to Me.

    I just went and made up a series of new better identities and wasted a lot of time.
    The 'spiritual' identity was the biggest joke. Took the biggest stick to beat it out of me.


    Worth repeating. A person standing on the the threshold of finding their self value.

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    Default Re: It Doesn't Matter What Happens to Me.

    Quote Posted by K.W.B (here)
    Does it matter to your loved ones?
    That's a really good question, and a really important one. Thanks KWB. That's the kind of things we need to look at. Where do our 'loved ones' exist in our minds as distinct from ourselves.
    I guess I'd want them to have the same experiences and realizations that I've had, yet avoid the pain and intensity of the prerequisites. The idea of Armageddon is very personal to me.
    But it can't not be that it's all available to them. I must learn to trust them as much as I've learned to trust myself and where my safety lies. In God.
    No where else that I can find.

    I've had the (blessing?) of being unwillingly isolated from my loved ones for many years, and frankly have no expectation of seeing them physically again. It doesn't cause me to disassociate from them, but helps me identify them as the blessings they are that I carry around with me. Who and what are they apart from that?
    Of course it includes the sense of loss and longing that goes with it.

    You also missed some of the point, that freedom the way I know of it, is the conclusion that I anticipate. I already know pain and suffering quite well. Been there-done that.
    More of it is just sort of ordinary. A lot of us can view it that way. Even say 'screw you...take you're best shot'. I'm at least partially immune.

    But if I think there's something 'out there' that they need to be protected from, and that their joy and fulfillment and freedom depends on something other than just exactly what happens exactly the way it happens, I'm screwed.
    And I'm imagining that they're screwed. It's trapped then in imagination, not in truth.
    If I don't know 'truth', I fully know what isn't. I'm looking right at it.
    Even the 'loved ones' who've come and gone, who only really showed me my attachment to the idea that I can be betrayed and abandoned and persecuted and made 'guilty', for being who and what I really am, and not what they would make of me. I fear for them too. I love them still.

    And ya, it's painful, and that's part of the burden of awakening. Your beliefs and ideals have to be destroyed, so that you can learn to see beyond them.
    Because until you have no other choice, you won't really look past the physical with enough intention and determination to see beyond it.
    Most people have to literally die in order to do that. Not everyone.

    It's not fun. Nothing that's occurring is fun, unless you can find fun in distractions. But you can't escape.
    And that's the blessing of this moment in time. A roller coaster ride is designed to be scary. I got on, but I won't be getting off until the ride is fully over.
    Not this time.
    Last edited by markpierre; 29th May 2012 at 07:54.

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    Default Re: It Doesn't Matter What Happens to Me.

    Quote Posted by jorr lundstrom (here)
    Quote Posted by markpierre (here)
    It doesn't matter what happens to me.

    I just wonder, to whom doesnt it matter?


    All is well


    Jorr
    Hah! Forgot to ask.

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