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18th June 2012 12:23
Link to Post #1
In Real Time
There were a series of events that happened back in the mid 90's, that subsequently took roughly 15 years of weird, and rather unpleasant dreams, to finally realize the responsibility was all mine for what happened, and I needed to own it. Finally!
When I stormed out of Avalon last December, it took roughly 4 months for it to begin to dawn on me that there was absolutely no one to blame for my actions during that period, but myself.
A few weeks ago I allowed myself to get sucked into a bad energy event on a different forum, with a parralel Skype chat, and it took until about 2 hours into it to "come to" so to speak, recognize I was spewing out bad joo joo, and words that I would regret. I was able to recognize myself f*****g up not in 15 years, not in a few months, but within a couple of hours. All due apologies were issued shortly thereafter.
The "Watcher/Observer" is now attempting to red flag improper action as it types words to post in this forum, or as the words are spoken in every day life. In Real Time.
That's the tough nut to crack, but it slowly, very slowly gets easier with practice. In the meantime, "It" also likes to meticulously comb through actions taken in the previous 24 hours, like panning for gold, searching for the ones that slipped through.
It's an extremely humbling process to take the deep dive into one's own flaws, and it strongly requires compassion for the shortcomings strewn about. Funny thing about that is, the more I recognize, come to terms with, and have compassion for my own flaws and failures, the more I am able to do the same with others.
Almost like it was meant to be that way.
Cheers All,
Fred
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18th June 2012 12:29
Link to Post #2