Open apology to Avalon/How Christianity screwed my brain up

[Strat]

I often think of myself as Avalon's most skeptic member. My skepticism can really irk people. It's not that I try to stir the pot, it's that I physically can not believe anyone anymore without seeing something with my own eyes.

All of this is rooted in how I was brought up. I was raised a Christian and went to church every Sunday for 18 years (was not optional). I also went to a Christian school from elementary through middle school. One of our classes was a Bible study class. All the adults around me, teachers, preachers, youth councilors, everybody encouraged me to follow this religion. It really was brainwashing.

If I got in trouble, I would be shunned to some extent. Nothing too bad, but it sucks when you're a self conscious kid if the adults shun you. I would do my best to be a good person in the faith. I studied the Bible often and I prayed every night before bed.

I was even 'Confirmed' in the Lutheran faith in front of the entire congregation, something I was proud of at the time.

It was around my mid teens when I started asking questions and getting questionable answers. I remember the first one: I asked if I would be a Christian if I were to be born in another country, specifically a Muslim one. Any adult I asked would dodge the question. When I did get an answer, it was a cop-out answer.

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When I turned 16 years old, I literally woke up one day to discover I had juvenile myoclonic epilepsy (JME). I had no previous health problems and a clean bill of health. I even played sports and stayed in shape. You know what that does to a 16 year old? Waking up and your body is randomly twitching with out your control. It sucks.

At the same time, I noticed I began getting excruciating headaches. I went to the neurologist and right away was diagnosed with cluster headaches (CH), literally considered the most painful medical condition in medical science. There were times in the midst of a CH where I literally was screaming at the top of my lungs for God to help me. It never worked. Ever.... Ever.

At this point I seriously started reviewing my belief system. I don't think folks understand how hard this is to do for someone that is deeply rooted in a religion. Literally, the very thought of it all being fake was a thought to be avoided like the plague. And if you did think those thoughts, you kept it to yourself and didn't ask anyone's opinion.

When I turned 18 years old my parents stopped forcing me to go to church. I still considered myself a Christian though, all the way till about 21. I discovered the Bible (the word of God himself) had been edited multiple times (which I was told was impossible), and I read the Hiram Key. At this point there was no turning back.

For the first time in my life, I was diving head first into the other side of the discussion and most importantly; I did it with an open mind. What I was doing (although unaware of it) was gaining knowledge, which is power, which requires responsibility. I had to find out truth or at least as much as I could. One day I'll have kids, and I'm gonna level with them. It is my responsibility to find truth and pass it on to them.

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So now maybe y'all will see why I can't believe a damn word anyone says. My parents (who ARE fantastic, loving, intelligent, parents) were wrong about the biggest picture of all. I just can't believe them anymore. If I can't believe them, who I know better than anyone else in this world, then how can I believe what anybody says?

I don't 'believe' anymore. My brain is like a computer at this point; I take in information and store it. So if someone says they witnessed a UFO, I'll store their report in my mind and look for consistencies in other reports. That is what makes Camelot/Avalon such a powerful tool and that is why I am here. I can compare Leer to Burisch (still get goosebumps from that one) to whomever I want.

So if you see me throwing up the b.s. flag, it's because I've been b.s.'ed almost my entire life by people I looked up to. Never again my friends, never again.

[TargeT]

Question everything, always.

Questioning isn't considered "throwing up a B.S. flag" however, be wary of your tact when questioning (you may be projecting a bit of anger from precived wrongs at the way you were raised (parents, teachers, friends, all included), remember that those that mislead you are mislead themselfs & anger would be a missplaced feeling); but never stop doing it!

[Sebastion]

No apologies are necessary Strat. You are a good man finding your own way. My best to you!

[Lazlo]

Other than the CH, we have pretty similar stories, and I for one appreciate the skepticsm. It's discouraging to see so many people believe the most ridiculous stories without a shred of proof, or even logic or critical thinking to support it.



My signature says it all.

[mountain_jim]

It was the Southern Baptist programming that I had work hard to undo. And Robert Anton Wilson's writings helped me develop my own brand of skepticism while still trying to keep as open a mind as possible.

[WhiteFeather]

Great Post Strat

Strat did you know you were born with original sin? Now thats some good Bullshyte.

Hey what a great technique to lure you into the organization ehh.!

Hate to rub salt in your wounds from the religion hangover..... but God needs money.

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=gPOfurmrjxo

[Strat]

Posted by TargeT (here)
be wary of your tact when questioning (you may be projecting a bit of anger from precived wrongs at the way you were raised (parents, teachers, friends, all included), remember that those that mislead you are mislead themselfs & anger would be a missplaced feeling)

You're right, and that's great advice everyone should follow.

When I was 16 years old I was a member of another forum. I said all the wrong words and angered lots of people. This was because 1 I was an angsty teen 2 I let my emotions get the better of me and 3 I was immature. I've learned from those mistakes and I stand by every word I have ever written on Avalon. I try to be the same person on the net as in real life. Meaning if I'm not willing to say something to someone's face then I won't say it over the net. I'm a nice guy (except when it comes to a game of pool or fuseball) so I watch what I say carefully.

I've never attacked anyone on Avalon though I've been attacked by three different people. I won't name names because it's not important, but what's funny is they all ended up getting banned. I never even reported them, I guess they just kept stirring up trouble.

[ghostrider]

your only get answers when you start questioning, and looking for answers yourself. congrats you've stepped out of the matrix and into a larger world , breaking the religion programming is the hardest one.... spirit will guide you , everyone else is just in the way. you'll know the ones who are alongside your journey and the ones in your way .... member the religious people killed Jesus... religion is very good at killing in the name of God. humans will kill to defend the name of their God....think of it as a Great spirit and you won't need a name....your still connected to it, since birth part of you never left the presence of the Almighty...

[Anchor]

Strat,

Forgive yourself - you must not judge yourself harshly for being taken in, in the manner you explained - in the bigger scheme of things, you kind of decided for it to play out this way so you could have the experience. It must be frustrating for your erstwhile programmers that you are self-correcting in the manner you explain. Forgive them too - they probably thought they were doing the right thing for the right reasons.

Posted by Strat (here)
There were times in the midst of a CH where I literally was screaming at the top of my lungs for God to help me. It never worked. Ever.... Ever.

Au contraire... perhaps now you can see it.

Do you still suffer with these symptoms BTW?

Avalon has another aspect to it, vastly underused, which is that there are a very good and diverse range of healers in the membership.

Thanks so much for posting your story. I find it very encouraging to see threads like this.

John..

[Sidney]

Your not alone Strat, your not alone. No apologies needed. I'm right there with ya. I've always loved the X-files cliche' "TRUST NO ONE".. My motto as well.

[noxon medem]

Of course this is not directed
at Christ , or the source of Wisdom .

- But



..
-

[truth4me]

The Government of America taxes everything yet they do not tax churchs and why do they not tax churchs and church organiztions? Could it be they set it up 100's of years ago where the slaves of society ,in which we ALL are,needed something to keep them going? A savior to bear their burdens from this life. Since people give to churchs so why tax them.

[Ultima Thule]

Go figure the differences between countries and cultures: I either did cross word puzzles or skipped religion-classes in school - which ever seemed preferable. I could not stand the one-eyed vision of christianity combined with condescending attitude towards other religions. Still it was only 45 minutes in a week, so it was easily skippable. In here it is considered quite odd and unrational, should someone base any decision on religious grounds. Scientific or mathematical point of view will on the other hand be considered valid, even if it leads to catastrophe in long run, because not all the factors are accounted for - which is quite usual, if not the rule...

Oh, if you still get spouts of neuralgia, quit smoking, alcohol, strong spices and emotional stress(easier said than done sometimes), the last one having propably been a major factor. Cluster headache is a real Pain, I´ve managed to help some patients with acupuncture, if needed you might wan´t to try that. Anyone with this condition can PM me, and I can give some pointers as to what kind of practitioner one should seek.

UT

[Referee]

We are much the same no need to appologize.

Much Love!

[<8>]

Thanks for sharing Strat..


I can so relate to so much of what you shared here, I was myself physically dragged to church for many years.
But with all cards on the table now, I can actually thank my parents and everything else I considered to be wrong.

Because you and I would not be here now and know what we know if we had not gone through all that.

That said, I now send all my love to them who made me to the man I am to day..

[ulli]

I got into the fashion business in my early twenties.....
thought I could escape from religious dogma.

It was a leap fom the frying pan to the fire.

Unless one goes deep into it one will never understand how deep the dogma runs...
and how the fanaticism takes over...
I have seen fashion victims- and they are as numerous as religion victims, or cult victims,
or sports victims.
Dogma is created by people with an attitude problem, one they can't face so they push it onto others.
The reason why religious dogma is even more dangerous than the others is that it reaches all the way to your afterlife, not just the next fashion season.
And the 'judgement' preys on your imagination even more insidiously than a pitying glance from someone in the fashion know.
So all dogma is projection.

[ulli]

To illustrate my point:

[Cartomancer]

Everyone wrestles with their programming. I don't recall reading any overly aggressive or offensive posts from you. In fact you always come off being magnanimous and even handed.

I was raised loosely Christian but never went to church or had excessive dogma piled on me. Still I went through the same questioning and guilt process you did. This stuff goes deep. I do kind of consider myself lucky to have grown up w/out cable tv and video games though.

[Feren]

I have never met a skeptic who found truth.
Maybe it is because a true skeptic does not search for truth.

[mountain_jim]

I do credit a particularly absurd Southern Baptist preacher, who assured us our souls were going to burn in hell for not coming to sunday night church in addition to sunday morning services, a preacher who pushed my head under the water in my (peer-pressured) baptism at age 12, as the main catalyst in turning me into the agressive authority and belief-systems questioner I became...

For once I saw through what he and they were selling, I started forward on my path to try and find the truth for me through all the faulty history and belief systems BS as much as possible.