Times of panic and big anxiety - feeling of being off the path

[Gekko]

Newlyn, you are describing my year. From feeling lost and lonely to important relationships ending (or at least going on vacation), to disillusionment in false belief systems, wanting to connect again, and facing personal darkness. Even that very distinct dread of failure, of being that one pariah, of 'missing the boat' so to speak in terms of personal growth and fulfillment. I had a remarkable, breathtaking spurt in hope and growth in 2009 and 2010 but the past two years have really tested my mettle. Although, now that I have let go of a strictly 'love-and-light' perspective, I am feeling freer and less concerned about meeting a deadline for 'enlightenment'. There are so many other canvases to paint, ones with much more depth and color. Don't let anyone appropriate you for their own spiritual agenda. Let us write our own stories.

[Carolin]

Hi Newlyn,

I believe that life is about overcoming our worst fears and subsequently growing. So let me be the first to congratulate you on your upcoming growth spurt!

I too have been feeling "off" lately. My emotions are all over the map. I cry at least once a day which leaves me feeling beat up. Many people I know are feeling this way. Some understand that it's an energetic thing but some just feel they aren't coping with life well.

You can't fail, you can't get it wrong, all is as it should be. Hang on and enjoy the ride!!

Much love
C

[johnf]

Welcome back Newlyn,
I can relate to the feelings you are going through.
It sounds like you have done some disconnecting, often this is prompted by the better, deeper part of ourselves, and we are leaving behind things that are not good for us and others.
Sometimes we leave an old room and step into the hallway, maybe have step back and forth, but one day the door to the old room is no longer there.
It usually feels like hell in the hallway, but it is never forever. Lately I have gone back and forth between anxiety and peace more rapidly than I have in the past, and find it important to realisticly look at whether when i feel better, I am better off than the last time I came up for air. If I am low is it a smidge higher than the last low? If you are looking for your real self in earnest, and not some false carrot leading you along , you will be gradually climbing out of the "transition" zone.
People everywhere are having a tendency to be feeling things deeper and stronger than before these days .
You used the word reconnect, and you might be looking for something you don't really want to connect to, that is why it seems impossible.
The riddle hear is how do we stop looking for something that we only think will make us happy, but so many things never have, and let seeking fall away.
The joy I feel when i get something I have been wanting has never been from the thing, it has allways been from the seeking falling away. That is something my usual mind doesn't know how to do.
I know that periods of light and easier times are ahead for those who are willing to give up false ideas.
On this forum I find it helpful to stay away from the rougher threads ,when I am having a rough time ,or not feeling myself.
Please use this forum to help youself find your land legs on the new land that is forming in front of you as you step on the water!

[Rocky_Shorz]

Posted by Newlyn (here)
I have gone through a half year that I can say without a doubt has been the toughest in my life.

I have been afraid, so afraid. I don't even really know why. I have been traveling for 2 years, but am right now in Ljubljana, Slovenia, and experience a situation, in the end a relationship situation, I have extremely difficult staying centered in.

Thank you for listening, I am in pain.


I feel like a lost little boy crying out for mother.

now for those who understand our communication system is through our heart, not our mind, will take one look and understand the pain is blocking your center...

the one in your pic?

you two looked happy...


Don't forget, wherever you are right now, you were meant to be...


where the footsteps lead, you will know when it's time...

[johnf]

Thank you everyone who posted here there is a lot of you saying it was tough for you in the last few months. It really helps to hear that feedback from others even if you know already that you aren't the only one going through it. There is more than one person receiving help from this thread.

[RunningDeer]

Love,
WhiteCrowBlackDeer

[Newlyn]

Thank you ALL, dear family. This helps a lot. We are truly one, and we can see ourselves in the eyes of others.

As Sandy wrote, it is about decisions, and the more I push it up the more damage it makes. It locked me up in the dusty room of my closed mind and mede unable to truly see life and relax, and let the right way appear to me.

Yesterday in the evening I felt a huge relief flowing in, a real relaxation in myself. And I felt old enough to see that I have been trying to be "old and responsable" without truly being responsable in the true meaning of the word, and I felt young again like I am.... and still older because of it.. if you understand at all haha!

I feel that this what happened have made me more sincere since I last were here, and a bit more grounded... since I've truly been hit to the earth.

One thing that my post here made me aware of is about what I give out about the situation. Do I want to scream out, this is a catastrofe, unsolvable situation, going down spiral... so on, in order to get some energy as a victim and have a reason to just run away? No. Something really came to me. I want to share about how I feel and how I felt, but I don't want anyone to direct their energies to me and my place here in a way that feeds the so called "problem". I have decided to be fully in it and grow from it. So called problems has made me blind for all existance, from my own truth, and made me feed just that what I want to get out of.

It also made me block my heart. With blocked heart, how could I do any decisions?

Now I am working on to let go of how I "think" all this must end, freeing my future, forgiving the past, overcalling any projections of myself and others and trust that the angels will guide me to do the best decisions. But most of all maybe I have to forgive myself.

Thank you all. I will not give up. I have faced my biggest issues here, and I will come through it with my head up. This situation is healing to the best for all.

[Newlyn]

Posted by Rocky_Shorz (here)

Posted by Newlyn (here)
I have gone through a half year that I can say without a doubt has been the toughest in my life.

I have been afraid, so afraid. I don't even really know why. I have been traveling for 2 years, but am right now in Ljubljana, Slovenia, and experience a situation, in the end a relationship situation, I have extremely difficult staying centered in.

Thank you for listening, I am in pain.


I feel like a lost little boy crying out for mother.

now for those who understand our communication system is through our heart, not our mind, will take one look and understand the pain is blocking your center...

the one in your pic?

you two looked happy...


Don't forget, wherever you are right now, you were meant to be...


where the footsteps lead, you will know when it's time...

There is a pain yes. Big. I don't really know how to open up to it. I belive it is about what I have done when I became afraid and blocked myself from love, and now I am afraid of opening up to it again and experience the same hell. I am afraid of what will happen and what it will mean if I open again. I feel pain about the pain my blocking caused others, specally my friend. I am afraid my simple being here is doing harm. I am afraid of not being true to myself in order to "solve the situation", and I have been afraid of what will happen if I don't.


One posetive big change that happened last time is that we started to open up and speak about it with eachother. Bigger respect for eachothers needs.

But i feel I have been so confused the last time so I lost treack of what my own needs truly are. Communication is for sure one of them.

Thank you Rocky!

[Rocky_Shorz]

hearts of soul mates have been drawn together...

your anxiety and pain is from trying to end a connection to a forever love...

if your heart says we're staying, you really don't have a choice, but her heart will follow yours when it is time for your adventure to continue, doing it together is much more fun...

nothing wrong with Love my friend, she is healing your shattered heart, let her...

[Newlyn]

I have to ask you Rocky, cause your words has been lingering in my head, where do they come from? Is it your guess or feeling, or .. ?