Some lessons and observations from having been a Jehovah's Witness

[Kraut]

There are some observations and lessons I would like to share from my experiences as a Jehovah's Witness. Perhaps someone will find them interesting.

Most people have an idea that Jws are not your average religion, but they don't know just how crazy a lot of aspects of the religion are. There are far worse and radical religions and sects out there, but for a Christian religion it is more on the extreme side. Witnesses refer to their religion as „The Truth“, as in the only one true religion in the world. Whenever they talk about the religion they will call it the truth. It's funny, I remember being in tenth grade, sitting in a religion lesson my class had and the teacher was speaking about Jehovah's Witnesses. He mentioned that they were elitist, which naturally upset me then. Even my class members were not in agreement with that, perhaps an indication that they didn't see me as an elitist. Looking back at all the years I was a believer I can fully see that Jws are elitists. How else can you call a religion that waits for the world to end and God to bring about Armageddon so they can be saved? Meaning seven million people being saved by God, while the rest of mankind will meet their deserved end in fire and destruction and plagues, for being evil doers and worldly and members of false religion. There are many Witnesses who are humble and decent people, but in principle all members are conditioned to believe that they are in God's favor, while all other people, even the ones that aren't really "bad", are not. It is strange when you try to argue with them that a loving God would hardly destroy almost all of mankind simply for not being members of one religion, they just don't get it. You meet blank looks. Once you start taking a more clinical look at „the truth“ you see the discrepancies and before you know it, it all starts falling apart. Now, the leaders are aware of that I think, many members have doubts at some point. What is recommended in that case is that you research. To most people that would mean, you take a look at something, from different angles, you collect data, preferably independent data and then reach a conclusion based on evidence and facts. What research means to Witnesses is: you get all the publications the religion provides you, find material that relates to your doubts and then hopefully overcome these doubts. So truthfully it is nothing but reinforcement. You bury your doubts with more conditioning. There are many silly phrases used in such cults. One being “spiritually mature”. What a spiritually mature person is? Someone that swallows everything the religion/leaders say. Someone that reads all the publications, completely assimilates the views and ideas and makes these ones own. It is the opposite of what most would call a spiritually mature person. No room for critical thinking, no room for looking into independent information sources. None of that.

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Long story short. The life of a JW revolves fully around conditioning, or programming. However that programming can become obsolete and ineffective once you start seeing reality. Many who leave the religion become very bitter and hateful. What I noticed though is: conditioning and programming is everywhere. It may take less extreme forms, but there is not a single person on this planet right now, that is not programmed in some form. I had a lot of discussions with a friend who was also leaving the religion at the same time. He was bitter and disappointed with himself that he could fall for such a religion. What he never understood is that in some form all people fall for something, most often without knowing it. We all tend to stick to what we are comfortable with, information and viewpoints. It is evident in most people, deep down they know something is wrong. But they don't follow that intuition, they bury it. Every person holds on to some form of truth that they view as absolute. For many it is that their nation or race is superior and can't do wrong. For others it's their way of life. Something I have learned from all this is that we can't wake other people up. It is not our duty, it is not even our right. We can assist those who are seeking, who are in the process of waking up, but we can't shake them and make them wake up. It doesn't work. Years ago I ran into someone who at that point was leaving the religion. He told me about all these things he had discovered. I thought he was crazy, to me he seemed like a disturbed person, and I was comparatively moderate in my attitude. At that time I wasn't ready. Years later I know exactly what he spoke about and now I understand. Every person has to wake up in their own time, at their own pace. If we force or try to force it on others we may do more damage than good. Waking up can be like jumping into ice cold water, in darkness. It may be even more shocking if we push someone into ice cold water. Can we determine the consequences of that in advance? Do we know if a person is ready for that, if they could bear it? We can be ready though to hold a towel and some hot tea for the person coming out of that ice cold water.

The greatest lesson for me is to be careful whenever someone brings you truth, especially the absolute truth. Usually they are up to no good, or are delusional. And be careful with thinking you have the absolute truth. I thought I had it for almost all my life, I was fully convinced. Turns out that I was terribly lost spiritually.

That's all for now. Sorry for the lengthy post, I tend write long winded posts.

[Lifebringer]

Thanks I had a friend that left JW and blamed her naïve upbring/teaching on the abuse she suffered and kept taking, until I said, NO God would do this or want this for a Mother of two girls in diapers to use as a healthy loving relationship ordained by Heaven. She became bitter after leaving the guy who was a hard dope dealer, making her think he only peddled weed. When we found out he was actually poisoning communities and leaving the addicted soul helpless and families destroyed, he wasn't around doing it much longer. She was very arrogant and looked down on women, until one evening while I was returning with my child in a stroller, I saw her trying to get out of the deadlock door at the bottom of the stair entrance, and I saw him follow her down, and punch her in the eye. I went by quietly after hearing her screaming for him to stop, and realizing, she had just had a baby girl a month old, and he wanted a boy, and later found out he had tried to push her down the stairs while pregnant. Me being a domestic violence survivor of a "legally registered shot gun wedding phycho" called the cops on the corner, waited for them to ask to see her face and as they carted him off in cuffs, I waited until he had been away, and she came downstairs to give the children some sun. I told her, I was the one that called the police, and if she didn't want to talk to me, I would leave, but also told her I was a survivor of domestic violence, and she doesn't have to settle for this, to have a man or baby's father in her life.

Months and years later, woe to the man that ever raises her voice to her, because I truly believe when she is under the influence, she suffers ptsd episodes and will tear into anyone male trying to harm or dog her out loudly.
I still consider myself a Christian, but I don't follow the greedy megatv church motto of material value as a God to make one happy. I actually follow the word of Christ as he tried to explain to His Apostles, that what they believed, or thought they believed according to the priests at that time was not the true meanings of his prophets before Him. Some of them/the prophets did not even know the true meaning but were told to say or write these things down, for this time in our lives. The end of days has gone past and the beginning has begun, so let us do what needs to be done to heal the hearts minds, planets governments according to how Christ actually taught. Can you imagine if you just followed who spoke in the church every time you went, you would not actually be helping others, just those in the church, unless they "have the gigantic building fund" coming up.

I really don't think Christ wants enormous cathedral like mega churches, when the Earth's cathedral is so much the more beautiful.

PS:"WE all are clearing and thinking of the big picture and sometimes it just seems your rambling but if it happens often it could be a phychic attack and you can look up some of the post on it here at PA.

I sorta find my self rambling too. Could be it/they had a long wait for me to wake up and hear them and they simply have much to say.

[Observer1964]

in principle all members are conditioned to believe that they are in God's favor.

The life of a JW revolves fully around conditioning, or programming.

It may take less extreme forms, but there is not a single person on this planet right now, that is not programmed in some form.

We all tend to stick to what we are comfortable with, information and viewpoints.
It is evident in most people, deep down they know something is wrong. But they don't follow that intuition, they bury it.
Every person holds on to some form of truth that they view as absolute.
For many it is that their nation or race is superior and can't do wrong. For others it's their way of life. Something
I have learned from all this is that we can't wake other people up. It is not our duty, it is not even our right.

And be careful with thinking you have the absolute truth. I thought I had it for almost all my life, I was fully convinced. Turns out that I was terribly lost spiritually.

Thank you for your lengthy post, and tendency to ramble sometimes.
Much of what you said can be observed in manny religions and even science.
I think you are brave, stepping outside your box is not a small thing.

The only thing I fully believe is; The truth will set you free.
So all you really can do is trying to find the truth.

Knowing is the ultimate religion as long as you understand the difference between knowing and believing.
What may be relevant here is a psychological principle wich has to do with feeling save in a worldview.
And religions and science try to give you a worldview that makes you follow and thus control you.
(and make you pay a contribution to your controlsystem)

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=8W7cr1h-rH4

Imagine that we all discover that we are all out together in the darkness.

[Kraut]

Posted by Lifebringer (here)
...I went by quietly after hearing her screaming for him to stop, and realizing, she had just had a baby girl a month old, and he wanted a boy, and later found out he had tried to push her down the stairs while pregnant. Me being a domestic violence survivor of a "legally registered shot gun wedding phycho" called the cops on the corner, waited for them to ask to see her face and as they carted him off in cuffs, I waited until he had been away, and she came downstairs to give the children some sun. I told her, I was the one that called the police, and if she didn't want to talk to me, I would leave, but also told her I was a survivor of domestic violence, and she doesn't have to settle for this, to have a man or baby's father in her life...

What you did was very caring and really what Jesus told people, to love ones neighbor.

Posted by Lifebringer (here)
I still consider myself a Christian, but I don't follow the greedy megatv church motto of material value as a God to make one happy. I actually follow the word of Christ as he tried to explain to His Apostles, that what they believed, or thought they believed according to the priests at that time was not the true meanings of his prophets before Him. Some of them/the prophets did not even know the true meaning but were told to say or write these things down, for this time in our lives. The end of days has gone past and the beginning has begun, so let us do what needs to be done to heal the hearts minds, planets governments according to how Christ actually taught. Can you imagine if you just followed who spoke in the church every time you went, you would not actually be helping others, just those in the church, unless they "have the gigantic building fund" coming up.

I really don't think Christ wants enormous cathedral like mega churches, when the Earth's cathedral is so much the more beautiful.

For a while I considered myself as a Christian but not anymore, it feels limiting to me. All people are my Brothers and Sisters, regardless of what they believe or don't believe. I agree with you, fully, that Christ wouldn't want enormous churches. In my opinion from a more traditional Christian view Christ didn't come here to start a new religion but to free people from the boundaries of religion. The Jews were caught up in this system of rules and traditions, but caring and compassion were lacking. It didn't take long and the same happened to Christ's followers. All that we really need as commandment is to love God, self and neighbor. When we do that we need no commandments and rules at all. I think what Christ showed is a way of life, not religion, but unfortunately many only see the religious aspects but not the way of life. We humans tend to intellectualize things, we focus on scripture and interpretation instead of just living and doing. And being.

[Kraut]

Posted by Observer1964 (here)
Thank you for your lengthy post, and tendency to ramble sometimes.
Much of what you said can be observed in manny religions and even science.
I think you are brave, stepping outside your box is not a small thing.

The only thing I fully believe is; The truth will set you free.
So all you really can do is trying to find the truth.

Knowing is the ultimate religion as long as you understand the difference between knowing and believing.
What may be relevant here is a psychological principle wich has to do with feeling save in a worldview.
And religions and science try to give you a worldview that makes you follow and thus control you.
(and make you pay a contribution to your controlsystem)

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=8W7cr1h-rH4

Imagine that we all discover that we are all out together in the darkness.

Thanks. I don't feel brave, it's hard to explain but I think everyone here knows what I mean: truth is one of the most valuable things and searching for it is not really a matter of choice, we have this inner drive that won't let us sit still, we just have to search. Truth does set us free, but the way to get there can be hard and painful. At least for a while. It does come with a price.

Knowing is indeed the ultimate. What I have learned is how important it is to know yourself. What I know now is that I am an infinite and immortal being in my essence. It's hard to imagine that all my life I believed in the idea that we have no soul (immortal part of our being) and that when we die we are completely dependent on God whether we will live again or not, the same God who likes to destroy people when they don't listen enough. It's a doctrine where Jehovah's Witnesses differ with other Christian religious groups.

Thanks for posting the video, it is interesting. Beliefs do limit us often and I understand that many people feel that facing their beliefs could turn their lives upside down, however that may lead to having a better life, which is something you don't see at first. I'm sure that in time people will be ready to overcome that and have better lives.

[Prodigal Son]

Thanks for starting this thread Kraut, it's something I was planning on doing myself at some point, but now I don't have to

In a nutshell, the Watchtower is a microcosm of the New World Order. They even call their Bible the "New World Translation". Springmeier, as you know, has done an excellent job of linking the Watchtower with the NWO. According to David Icke, and I have not been able to verify this elsewhere, it was proven in a court of law in 1922 that the Rothschilds and Bnai Brith financed the religion through "Frank Goldman". Whatever the case, in spite of all their attempts to deny it, and even the ex-JW's deny it, Charles Taze Russell, the founder, was a Mason, and part of the same Russell family that founded, among other things, Skull & Bones.

I will have much more to add on this at a later time, but when a person first breaks free from the Watchtower Cult, they think they have been liberated, but in truth they are still very much captive to the same Cult on a world level... the same exact Zionist Cult that worships the same exact scumbag "God" that the JW's do.... the tyrannical warmonger of the Old Testament. Is it any wonder that they are tyrannical and love war? Is it any wonder the JW's worship the War of Armageddon?

And the bottom line is, the JW's and all Christian nonsense would not exist without the Bible as they have compiled it ... complete with outright changes, redactions and interpolations... channeling that came from the same cesspool as the Koran. All of the Abrahamic religions are Satanic and worship Satan... and so is it any wonder why we are in the predicament we find ourselves in today?

[Kraut]

Yes, I read about the Mason connections CTR had, it's not surprising. I remember another exJW friend pointing out what a friend of his (not a Witness) noted, who was at a Convention last year. She had the feeling that there was some form of mass hypnosis going on. That being said, I am glad to never have to sit through these awful three day Conventions, I always hated them.

I didn't know that the Russell family founded Skull & Bones. Just great...

The strange thing to me is how JWs focus so much on Jehovah, completely ignoring the traits Jesus showed of "the Father" or focusing on Christ himself. They really practice a form of Judaism 2.0 that is completely removed from Christianity. (Leaving out the matter of what to make of Christianity, which is a topic of its own.)

Posted by Prodigal Son (here)
And the bottom line is, the JW's and all Christian nonsense would not exist without the Bible... that came from the same cesspool as the Koran. All of the Abrahamic religions are Satanic and worship Satan... and so is it any wonder why we are in the predicament we find ourselves in today?

To me the Bible has little value, I must say though that some take the good in it and let that influence their lives. I've met ex Witnesses who are still Christians who focus on compassion and kindness, not judgment and destruction. I've also met some who are the opposite. Interestingly the other day some (they have their own website for exJWs) admitted that the message of Jesus is covered with layers of man made doctrines.

Looking forward to what you have to say Prodigal Son.

[Violet]

Thanks for sharing, Kraut. You know, I don't agree with JW but I must admit I had some very interesting discussions with them. Very long ones too.

Aren't the Jacksons JW? Michael seemed like a nice guy to me...

[Kraut]

Hi Violet,
you can have long and interesting discussions, I've had them myself. On the other side.

I think that Michael Jacksons Mother is a Witness.

[Violet]

But if Michael's mother is a witness how does that add up to her childrens' lifestyle? Aren't JW more...conservative?

[Kraut]

Posted by Violet (here)
But if Michael's mother is a witness how does that add up to her childrens' lifestyle? Aren't JW more...conservative?

From what I read the children were raised as Witnesses. Many children who grow up in the religion leave when they get older because the rigid structures confine them. I'm not sure if the children were "officially" Witnesses. You become one "officially" by getting baptized, which is a decision you have to make when you are old enough. Anyway, some get tired of the conservatism and live the opposite of that.

[Violet]

Yes, that makes sense. We have a community in Belgium too but I must observe that in the last few years it seems they've been less active at house doors....I could be wrong.

[Another1]

I spent a wonderful 5 years trying to make peace with these people after they hooked my first wife. I found that it did not matter that her spouse supported her fully and would assure she never missed an event, they insisted on the man becoming one of them too or helping the woman escape his evil. Which they did.

30+ years later in this small town, when they began to knock on my door here, I made a pamphlet for them telling stories from walking an independent path free of a church. They never came back.

While I admire the dedication of their pioneers, I wish they had a truer message to share with people.
I am happy for anyone that managed to escape their programming.
Thanks for sharing your story.

[Prodigal Son]

Posted by Kraut (here)
I didn't know that the Russell family founded Skull & Bones. Just great...

Here he is.... William Huntington Russell

The strange thing to me is how JWs focus so much on Jehovah, completely ignoring the traits Jesus showed of "the Father" or focusing on Christ himself. They really practice a form of Judaism 2.0 that is completely removed from Christianity. (Leaving out the matter of what to make of Christianity, which is a topic of its own.)

It's not strange at all, really. The Rothschilds funded it as an obedience-mind control prototype religion for the NWO... what do they care that it would take 150 years to come to fruition... patience is one of their very few virtues. Take a look at NSA... Then look at Brooklyn Bethel.... they want to control what married couples do in their bedrooms... I don't see much difference. The bottom line: They're all the same Pharisees Jesus was constantly calling a den of vipers.

It all goes much deeper than this... the Watchtower's dogma is mind-control based on Enochian Magick... the Four Watchtowers, the Tetragrammaton YHWH... all juicy stuff that I look forward to us covering here at length.

[Kraut]

Posted by Another1 (here)
I spent a wonderful 5 years trying to make peace with these people after they hooked my first wife. I found that it did not matter that her spouse supported her fully and would assure she never missed an event, they insisted on the man becoming one of them too or helping the woman escape his evil. Which they did.

30+ years later in this small town, when they began to knock on my door here, I made a pamphlet for them telling stories from walking an independent path free of a church. They never came back.

While I admire the dedication of their pioneers, I wish they had a truer message to share with people.
I am happy for anyone that managed to escape their programming.
Thanks for sharing your story.

Sorry to hear they caused you trouble with your first wife. Read similar stories and it's always amazing how selective they can be when it comes to marriage and how "holy" it is supposed to be.

Glad they leave you alone now. I can tell you, life without knocking on doors is much better. :D

Pioneers... don't get me started on them...

Posted by Prodigal Son (here)
The bottom line: They're all the same Pharisees Jesus was constantly calling a den of vipers.

That's what I keep thinking too.

[Another1]

They're all the same Pharisees Jesus was constantly calling a den of vipers.

This is the part that really started getting driven home for me about 2 years ago. Part of the result is in my short bio here as I apologize for helping varied groups dispense the flouride over the years. The same monster seems to have created endless variations of itself, like a well designed computer virus. A pilgrim may think they are leaving one with help from another only to realize a short time later they are still wearing shackles.

And I really appreciate these words from above:

Every person has to wake up in their own time, at their own pace. If we force or try to force it on others we may do more damage than good. Waking up can be like jumping into ice cold water, in darkness. It may be even more shocking if we push someone into ice cold water. Can we determine the consequences of that in advance? Do we know if a person is ready for that, if they could bear it? We can be ready though to hold a towel and some hot tea for the person coming out of that ice cold water.

Blessings2U

[truth4me]

Remember spirituality is the key not religion it, religion, is used IMO to keep the masses happy that there is a "God" whom listens to their problems and such....I believe in a creator source not like the "God" in the bible....

[whiterose]

I too used to be a Jehovah's Witness. I pioneered for 8 years, dedicating all my time to preaching the good news to as many people as I could contact. I eventually burnt myself out and ended up with clinical depression. Because of the illness I had to give up pioneering, and at the time I felt I had lost my identity. Gradually though i began to realise that there was more to life. I had always struggled with some of the more restrictive ideas, and just felt that I was weak, and that if I could just rely on Jehovah more, I would do better. I met my husband during this time, and he was such a wonderful lovely person, and I had been looking for someone for so long, that I couldn't finish my relationship with him even though the elders in the congregation, tried to dissuade me from marrying someone not in the truth.

I made the decision to marry, and stopped going to the meetings. I still believed at that time, although I was having strong doubts. My husband has always been interested in UFO's and although I didn't really believe that ufo's were real I was interested in the idea, as I have always loved Science Fiction. I followed his investigation, and has been described, had the ice water moment when I realised that all religions were a method of controlling people, and that most of my life had been wasted, fighting who I really was, following an organisation that wasn't what it claimed to be, and believing a blatant untruth about the world, it's history and origins.

I was angry, but more than anything I was sad. Most of the people who are Jehovah's witnesses are basically good loving people. They see that the world is a mess, and want something better, and believe the solution is in God's hands. They work tirelessly to get that information to other people, putting up with persecution, ridicule, and being out of step with most people because they have a love of God, and a love of their neighbours. They love the earth and want to see it a paradise with no more war, no sickness, and everyone living in harmony. If you are 'in the truth' you have a ready made family all over the world. It sounds idyllic, and that is what attracts people, but not that many can cope with the restrictions, and 'regulations' that come with being a witness. In lots of ways the witnesses' religion is like the Catholic church, but without the pomp and ceremony. You are made to feel constantly guilty for not managing to live up to the standards that are set out in the Bible. They show you that the word sin means to miss the mark of perfection, so we are all constantly sinning, as we are imperfect. If we have doubts, if we see the ways that we are manpulated, we lack faith, or haven't studied enough, or haven't prayed enough, or relied on God enough. I agree that the large gatherings of the witnesses are a form of mass hypnosis, as is the memorial service, held on the first full moon after the spring equinox, the night the passover was celebrated in Jewish times. Interesting when you hear about the masons and the elite enacting rituals to the moon goddess. Anyone who has attended a memorial will have felt the atmosphere, and that goes on all around the world following the moonrise around the globe. The energy on memorial night is electric in every kingdom hall, so I'm sure that has some significance as a ritual energy thing.

I'm so glad I met my husband and had the courage to walk away from the religion to be with him, and that he has helped me to 'see the light' as it were. He's on the forum too, you know him as Daft Ada.

[mosquito]

Posted by whiterose (here)
I'm so glad I met my husband and had the courage to walk away from the religion to be with him, and that he has helped me to 'see the light' as it were. He's on the forum too, you know him as Daft Ada.

A long overdue welcome Mrs Daft !!!!

Thanks for this Kraut, (I'm struggling with addressing you as "Kraut" but never mind ...)

I had a spell with the witnesses when I was about 15 - part of a spiritual yearning which in no way could have been satisfied by the Church of England or the Catholics. Initially I liked their apparent honesty and unorthodoxness, but could never agree to the idea of knocking on doors to spread the word. Eventually I (and my mother) saw through the layers of fake sincerity to the underlying hypocrisy of yet another male dominated religion. This was all before 1975, and around 1980, I met up with a boy from school who was brought up as a witness, and I saw what the non-events of 1975 had done to the movement.

I have a friend who is a witness, 41 years old and still a virgin, waiting for Mr Right to turn up. It makes me so sad, because she is one of the nicest people I know, and she has given her life to what is essentially a big con. Despite this, she's still full of love and hope - amazing.

[Kraut]

Posted by whiterose (here)
I too used to be a Jehovah's Witness. I pioneered for 8 years, dedicating all my time to preaching the good news to as many people as I could contact. I eventually burnt myself out and ended up with clinical depression. Because of the illness I had to give up pioneering, and at the time I felt I had lost my identity. Gradually though i began to realise that there was more to life. I had always struggled with some of the more restrictive ideas, and just felt that I was weak, and that if I could just rely on Jehovah more, I would do better. I met my husband during this time, and he was such a wonderful lovely person, and I had been looking for someone for so long, that I couldn't finish my relationship with him even though the elders in the congregation, tried to dissuade me from marrying someone not in the truth.

I made the decision to marry, and stopped going to the meetings. I still believed at that time, although I was having strong doubts. My husband has always been interested in UFO's and although I didn't really believe that ufo's were real I was interested in the idea, as I have always loved Science Fiction. I followed his investigation, and has been described, had the ice water moment when I realised that all religions were a method of controlling people, and that most of my life had been wasted, fighting who I really was, following an organisation that wasn't what it claimed to be, and believing a blatant untruth about the world, it's history and origins.

I was angry, but more than anything I was sad. Most of the people who are Jehovah's witnesses are basically good loving people. They see that the world is a mess, and want something better, and believe the solution is in God's hands. They work tirelessly to get that information to other people, putting up with persecution, ridicule, and being out of step with most people because they have a love of God, and a love of their neighbours. They love the earth and want to see it a paradise with no more war, no sickness, and everyone living in harmony. If you are 'in the truth' you have a ready made family all over the world. It sounds idyllic, and that is what attracts people, but not that many can cope with the restrictions, and 'regulations' that come with being a witness. In lots of ways the witnesses' religion is like the Catholic church, but without the pomp and ceremony. You are made to feel constantly guilty for not managing to live up to the standards that are set out in the Bible. They show you that the word sin means to miss the mark of perfection, so we are all constantly sinning, as we are imperfect. If we have doubts, if we see the ways that we are manpulated, we lack faith, or haven't studied enough, or haven't prayed enough, or relied on God enough. I agree that the large gatherings of the witnesses are a form of mass hypnosis, as is the memorial service, held on the first full moon after the spring equinox, the night the passover was celebrated in Jewish times. Interesting when you hear about the masons and the elite enacting rituals to the moon goddess. Anyone who has attended a memorial will have felt the atmosphere, and that goes on all around the world following the moonrise around the globe. The energy on memorial night is electric in every kingdom hall, so I'm sure that has some significance as a ritual energy thing.

I'm so glad I met my husband and had the courage to walk away from the religion to be with him, and that he has helped me to 'see the light' as it were. He's on the forum too, you know him as Daft Ada.

Dear Whiterose,
thank you for sharing your story. I am very glad that you made it and could leave the Organization behind and that you had great support from your husband. We share a love for Science Fiction. Like you I also didn't believe in UFOs and extraterrestrial life. Looking back I am amazed at how many things I ignored because they didn't fit my world view, especially believing in mankind's history of only six thousand years. Please do not think that most of your life had been wasted, I am sure there were many good moments and valuable lessons learned. It wasn't a waste. And though you, many other Witnesses and I were misguided we did things with a pure motivation, we tried to serve others. That does matter. It was a misguided form, but we still tried to give of ourselves to others.

They work tirelessly to get that information to other people, putting up with persecution, ridicule, and being out of step with most people because they have a love of God, and a love of their neighbours.

This is really sad, it reminds me of some friends. They are a Pioneer couple, some of the most caring people I have ever known, genuinely caring, not the showy type. Every day is spent to help others, they sacrifice everything they are and have. They don't even have time left for friendships. It will be very sad when one day they realize how they have let their lives pass them by.

It sounds idyllic, and that is what attracts people, but not that many can cope with the restrictions, and 'regulations' that come with being a witness. In lots of ways the witnesses' religion is like the Catholic church, but without the pomp and ceremony. You are made to feel constantly guilty for not managing to live up to the standards that are set out in the Bible. They show you that the word sin means to miss the mark of perfection, so we are all constantly sinning, as we are imperfect.

What caused my most serious doubts was the increasing demand for obedience the Governing Body is asking for, they are becoming more and more extreme, and the doctrinal changes are becoming very transparent. It is causing a lot of Witnesses to take a closer look at things. The regulations were also something that bothered me, Elders seemed to be too busy with following and enforcing regulations instead of looking after people and helping them.

Something I remember from almost all Conventions, even while I was still a believer is that they made me feel very uneasy. I noticed how speakers try to push people's buttons and make them feel certain ways. To me that was annoying since I choose how I feel or don't feel. These silly phrases as "aren't we all grateful..." or "do we not have reason to be happy..." bothered me. I used to think that I'm grateful when I am grateful, not when someone tells me to.

Anyone who has attended a memorial will have felt the atmosphere, and that goes on all around the world following the moonrise around the globe. The energy on memorial night is electric in every kingdom hall, so I'm sure that has some significance as a ritual energy thing.

I was always very glad when the memorial was over. The many meetings really weren't my favorite part of being a Witness.

Something I find interesting is that I have not met a single Witness who has never wondered why Jehovah acted in certain ways, as described in the OT. And what many don't like is Paul's silly rule of women having to cover their head. To me it was a great relief to realize that man and woman are completely equal and how the female divine principle has been left out in the bible. Things make much more sense now.