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    Canada Avalon Member Nat_Lee's Avatar
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    Default Spiritual Jokes

    Hi Avaloniens !

    We all need to laugh in those days so .....
    How about having fun at throwing jokes with a spiritual flavour ?

    My first one:

    Have you heard of the cow who attained liberation?
    It was dyslexic and kept on repeating OOOOMMM !



    Source:

    http://www.openhandweb.org/the_humou...ritual_flavour

    We are one !

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    Canada Avalon Member Nat_Lee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spiritual Jokes

    Those one are funny :




    Last edited by Nat_Lee; 21st June 2013 at 03:59.
    We are one !

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    Australia Avalon Member Anchor's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spiritual Jokes

    Those of the positive polarity are of service when by action or thought or even intention, another entity or the self is freer to seek his or her own path than before the intended service was performed. --L/Leema

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    United States Avalon Member sirdipswitch's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spiritual Jokes

    One need only look in a mirror... to see the Love and Wisdom, of Source...
    Love, Peace, Humor
    sirdipswitch


    " A little knowledge, is a dangerous thing... so is a lot."
    - Albert Einstein -

    "Please, Do NOT, believe a word that I say, for this is my journey not yours. Go do your own research. Listen to no-one. Find YOUR own Truth. As "I" did." "It is all just a Game, play it as you will."
    -sirdipswitch-

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    Scotland Moderator Billy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spiritual Jokes

    A very old woman dies she was a very devout catholic. On the other side Mother Mary is there to welcome her.

    Mother Mary says. " Before I show you around heaven is there any questions you would like to ask"

    The Woman replies, " Well actually there is one question, Why is it that in all your paintings and statues on earth you are always crying and look so sad?"

    Mother Mary sits closer to the old woman and whispers in her ear ,

    Shhh don't tell anyone but I really wanted a baby girl.
    When you express from a fearful heart in the now moment, You create a fearful future.
    When you express from a loving heart in the now moment, You create a loving future.

    Have no fear, Be aware and live your lives journey from a compassionate caring nurturing heart to manifest a compassionate caring nurturing future. Billyji


    Peace

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    Default Re: Spiritual Jokes

    So a Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and asks, "can you make me one with everything?"

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    Netherlands Avalon Member Eram's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spiritual Jokes

    I just love these kind of jokes.
    They're the best.








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    United States Avalon Member conk's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spiritual Jokes

    Why did the priest cross himself? To get to the other side.
    The quantum field responds not to what we want; but to who we are being. Dr. Joe Dispenza

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    United States Avalon Member Shamz's Avatar
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    Smile Re: Spiritual Jokes

    Few one liners -

    One Buddhist monk leaned over to another and quietly asked, "Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

    How do you make God laugh? --- > Tell him your plans.

    How much "ego" do you need? --- > Just enough so that you don't step in front of a bus.

    As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

    Iíve taken a vow of poverty. To test me, please send money.

    Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

    I donít have a problem with willpower. Itís wonít power I have a problem with.

    My life has a superb cast, but I canít figure out the plot.

    Life is sexually transmitted.

    I used to be indecisive; now Iím not sure.

    My reality check just bounced.

    What if there were no hypothetical questions?

    No sense being pessimistic. It wouldnít work anyway.

    Youíre just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

    Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

    If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

    Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

    I can resist anything but temptation

    God must love stupid people, he made so many.

    Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    What do they call Church pastors in Germany? German Shepherds.

    ------
    nuff for now

    Love&Peace
    ~~ Much Love
    In Lak'ech Ala K'in ( I am You and You are me )

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    Default Re: Spiritual Jokes

    from the same source that Nat_Lee provided:


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    Default Re: Spiritual Jokes


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    Scotland Moderator Billy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spiritual Jokes

    Close-to-complete Ideology and Religion S**T List

    Taoism: **** happens.
    Confucianism: Confucius say, "**** happens."
    Buddhism: If **** happens, it isn't really ****.
    Zen Buddhism: **** is, and is not.
    Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of **** happening?
    Hinduism: This **** has happened before.
    Islam: If **** happens, it is the will of Allah.
    Islam #2: If **** happens, kill the person responsible.
    Islam #3: If **** happens, blame Israel.
    Catholicism: If **** happens, you deserve it.
    Protestantism: Let **** happen to someone else.
    Presbyterian: This **** was bound to happen.
    Episcopalian: It's not so bad if **** happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
    Methodist: It's not so bad if **** happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
    Congregationalist: **** that happens to one person is just as good as **** that happens to another.
    Unitarian: **** that happens to one person is just as bad as **** that happens to another.
    Lutheran: If **** happens, don't talk about it.
    Fundamentalism: If **** happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
    Fundamentalism #2: If **** happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
    Fundamentalism #3: **** must be born again.
    Judaism: Why does this **** always happen to us?
    Calvinism: **** happens because you don't work.
    Seventh Day Adventism: No **** shall happen on Saturday.
    Creationism: God made all ****.
    Secular Humanism: **** evolves.
    Christian Science: When **** happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
    Christian Science #2: **** happening is all in your mind.
    Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this ****.
    Quakers: Let us not fight over this ****.
    Utopianism: This **** does not stink.
    Darwinism: This **** was once food.
    Capitalism: That's MY ****.
    Communism: It's everybody's ****.
    Feminism: Men are ****.
    Chauvinism: We may be ****, but you can't live without us...
    Commercialism: Let's package this ****.
    Impressionism: From a distance, **** looks like a garden.
    Idolism: Let's bronze this ****.
    Existentialism: **** doesn't happen; **** IS.
    Existentialism #2: What is ****, anyway?
    Stoicism: This **** is good for me.
    Hedonism: There is nothing like a good **** happening!
    Mormonism: God sent us this ****.
    Mormonism #2: This **** is going to happen again.
    Wiccan: An it harm none, let **** happen.
    Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< **** happens.
    Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our ****?
    Jehovah's Witnesses #3: **** has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
    Moonies: Only really happy **** happens.
    Hare Krishna: **** happens, rama rama.
    Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this ****!
    Zoroastrianism: **** happens half on the time.
    Church of SubGenius: BoB ****s.
    Practical: Deal with **** one day at a time.
    Agnostic: **** might have happened; then again, maybe not.
    Agnostic #2: Did someone ****?
    Agnostic #3: What is this ****?
    Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
    Atheism: What ****?
    Atheism #2: I can't believe this ****!
    Nihilism: No ****.
    Narcisism: I am the ****!

    And of course we must add...Alcoholics Anonymous: **** happens-one day at a time!

    One more for the list

    Scientology. This **** is free but if you try to leave you pay for this ****.
    When you express from a fearful heart in the now moment, You create a fearful future.
    When you express from a loving heart in the now moment, You create a loving future.

    Have no fear, Be aware and live your lives journey from a compassionate caring nurturing heart to manifest a compassionate caring nurturing future. Billyji


    Peace

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    Default Re: Spiritual Jokes

    Quote Posted by Fred Steeves (here)
    So a Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and asks, "can you make me one with everything?"



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    Canada Avalon Member Nat_Lee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spiritual Jokes

    This one is verry funny !




    And also this one in french :

    We are one !

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    Canada Avalon Member Nat_Lee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spiritual Jokes

    My joke of the day:

    Minds are like parachutes. They only function when open.

    We are one !

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    Avalon Member Seikou-Kishi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spiritual Jokes

    WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

    (I thought these were the funniest)

    Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

    Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

    Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

    Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

    B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

    Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

    Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

    Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

    Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

    Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

    Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

    David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

    Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

    Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

    Keats: Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings.

    Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl.

    Dr Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have, you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the Need to resist such a public Display of your own lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.

    Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question.

    Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.

    Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.

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    Avalon Member Orph's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spiritual Jokes

    Quote Posted by sirdipswitch (here)
    One need only look in a mirror... to see the Love and Wisdom, of Source...
    Yup. And when I look in the mirror, I see Source has it's own oddball sense of humor.

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    Avalon Member meeradas's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spiritual Jokes

    Quote Posted by Nat_Lee (here)
    Minds are like parachutes. They only function when open.
    Yea, that way only:



    Couldn't find an appropriate parachute pic... so an umbrella must do.
    Last edited by meeradas; 10th July 2013 at 06:09.

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  36. Link to Post #20
    Canada Avalon Member Nat_Lee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Spiritual Jokes

    hahaaa !
    Good one !

    This is an handicap mind !
    It works but with difficulties !




    Quote Posted by meeradas (here)
    Quote Posted by Nat_Lee (here)
    Minds are like parachutes. They only function when open.
    Yea, that way only:



    Couldn't find an appropriate parachute pic... so an umbrella must do.
    We are one !

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