I ache from loneliness

[Sidney]

Hello!! I have created a group for sharing of these topics. Free Daily virtual hug with each membership!!
https://projectavalon.net/forum4/group.php?groupid=105

[AutumnW]

Great idea, Sidney!

Now I just have to figure out how to join a group. It's probably pretty easy. I have a twitchy Internet connection that keeps bumping me off (See? Nobody loves me!! LOL), so I will try to get on it ASAP but may be mired in Internet rejection issues!

Anyway, let's all get together in our group and yadayadayada. We can swap conspiracy info about illnesses that are becoming more prevalent nowadays too. More than anything, let's have fun!

Give the fur- people a pat for me!

[AutumnW]

My husband died since I started this thread. Fortunately, in the few months before he died, I worked doubly hard to deal with issues of isolation, for the sake of my sanity.

My husband was healthy, for the most part and his death was not expected, on a conscious level. There were some inexplicable events surrounding the 48 hours prior to his death, though; a foreshadowing I picked up on.

Some days I feel pretty lost but I DO have a small supportive network of friends who are there for me. My husband's family is also as much there as they can be. My siblings were predictable. Such a great thing that I figured out beforehand how they would behave in a crisis and was prepared for it.

The process of stress testing crucial relationships puts the person who is 'reality testing' under a pretty heavy burden. I wasn't the most pleasant individual in text and it bled through in some of my posts on other threads and towards other posters. I apologize for that. When you are trying to ferret out the bullSh** in your interpersonal realm, it is easy to become too easily triggered by anything that looks like insincerity. But... I should have been more circumspect. I apologize for that.

I really miss my husband but feel he is with me still; guiding me and loving me. He just isn't here-- but he had huge problems with his most recent incarnation here and is apparently really happy where he is. Yesterday I was talking to him and asking him if he was still able to hear me. There was a knock at the door. The dog ran barking to it. I heard it clearly but there was 'nobody' there.

[ulli]

Posted by AutumnW (here)
My husband died since I started this thread. Fortunately, in the few months before he died, I worked doubly hard to deal with issues of isolation, for the sake of my sanity.

My husband was healthy, for the most part and his death was not expected, on a conscious level. There were some inexplicable events surrounding the 48 hours prior to his death, though; a foreshadowing I picked up on.

Some days I feel pretty lost but I DO have a small supportive network of friends who are there for me. My husband's family is also as much there as they can be. My siblings were predictable. Such a great thing that I figured out beforehand how they would behave in a crisis and was prepared for it.

The process of stress testing crucial relationships puts the person who is 'reality testing' under a pretty heavy burden. I wasn't the most pleasant individual in text and it bled through in some of my posts on other threads and towards other posters. I apologize for that. When you are trying to ferret out the bullSh** in your interpersonal realm, it is easy to become too easily triggered by anything that looks like insincerity. But... I should have been more circumspect. I apologize for that.

I really miss my husband but feel he is with me still; guiding me and loving me. He just isn't here-- but he had huge problems with his most recent incarnation here and is apparently really happy where he is. Yesterday I was talking to him and asking him if he was still able to hear me. There was a knock at the door. The dog ran barking to it. I heard it clearly but there was 'nobody' there.

These are the kinds of testimonies the world needs, to get people to understand that other dimensions exist.
While I feel for your loneliness, knowing all about it on a 3D level, I also experience and appreciate the comfort that comes via those subtle knocks.

[AutumnW]

Thanks Ulli,

I can't emphasize enough how important it is to arrange your life in such a way, that it is somewhat emotionally shock-proofed. My husband kick started this process 2 years ago, by confronting my siblings with his observations; something he felt should have been done over a decade ago.

The ensuing feelings of loss and contraction of my social sphere were pretty extreme. But it was all worth it, in the end. It was as if he was preparing for his death and didn't want me to be blindsided by more grief at that time.

He made several references to untimely death and preparations to reincarnate in the year before he died. There was a tremendous sense of urgency, that wasn't justified by his physical condition. He was very world weary and had been for years. He shouldered huge burdens. He did volunteer work for 911Truth and was a well respected science journalist. He wasn't just a good man, he was a great man. I was fortunate to have been able to lease him from the universe for so many years.

[Joe Sustaire]

Dawn, I just have to thank you for posting this finger-holding technique. It's phenomenal!
It really does appear to open up blocked channels letting your energy flow and heal your body/spirit. I tried it just before bed one night to try and help my feelings of loneliness. Shockingly it appears to have cleared up my sinus/congestion problems. For months and months, seemingly forever, my head clogs up when trying to sleep, can only sleep on one side to avoid complete head congestion and always have lots of head clearing to do in the morning. That night I breathed easily through both nostrils and slept comfortably, both sides and back.

I tried it again last night and had another great nights sleep! When I started out, the finger-holding, it took a long time to feel the faintest pulse. When I did or thought I did I would move on to another finger. I kept repeating the sequence and finally started feeling the full finger pulse/throb. The second night it took awhile to feel the strong pulse also, so it feels like I really did/do have blockages to my energy flow that this opens up.

Thanks again for posting this and I will be reading further into Jin Shin Jyutsu!

ps.... It does seem to help my general sense of well-being/loneliness also.

[Pris]

Posted by Joe Sustaire (here)
Dawn, I just have to thank you for posting this finger-holding technique. It's phenomenal!
It really does appear to open up blocked channels letting your energy flow and heal your body/spirit. I tried it just before bed one night to try and help my feelings of loneliness. Shockingly it appears to have cleared up my sinus/congestion problems. For months and months, seemingly forever, my head clogs up when trying to sleep, can only sleep on one side to avoid complete head congestion and always have lots of head clearing to do in the morning. That night I breathed easily through both nostrils and slept comfortably, both sides and back.

I tried it again last night and had another great nights sleep! When I started out, the finger-holding, it took a long time to feel the faintest pulse. When I did or thought I did I would move on to another finger. I kept repeating the sequence and finally started feeling the full finger pulse/throb. The second night it took awhile to feel the strong pulse also, so it feels like I really did/do have blockages to my energy flow that this opens up.

Thanks again for posting this and I will be reading further into Jin Shin Jyutsu!

ps.... It does seem to help my general sense of well-being/loneliness also.

Thanks for sharing, Joe Sustaire!

I'm a bit late getting in here. Thanks, Dawn!

Posted by Dawn (here)
I am always looking for ways to balance and find more freedom. I'd like to suggest you try a very simple do-it-yourself self help technique. Found hidden in an ancient manuscript was a very simple method of balancing emotions, organs, and the energy flow of your own body. This has been named 'Jin Shin Jyutsu Is', which translates as 'Getting to Know (Help) Myself Art of Living'. Believe it or not you can use this for less than an hour daily and your feelings of loneliness will vanish, along with any depression, sadness, grief, or anger!

Seems to good to be true... right? Well, I use this daily and I can tell you that it truly works... and works well.


So here's the first simple self help you can do... just wrap your thumb and fingers of the LEFT hand gently around each and every digit of the RIGHT hand, one at a time. Hold each finger (and the thumb too) until you feel them begin to pulse. Then switch hands and do all the fingers (and thumb) of the LEFT hand by holding them with your RIGHT hand one at a time.

Your self treatment will look like this.

What is actually happening is that you are balancing the electrical system in your body and each digit on your hands is directly related to different parts of this system. When the electrical system of your body is shut down, the result is negative emotions including loneliness. Being bed ridden or unable to exercise for some time almost guarantees that your body is having trouble balancing itself... but you can help it in this very simple way.

There are some really simple self-help books, but there are also some wonderful web sites that you can enjoy if you desire.

[Pris]

Oh, hey. I'm also trying this finger-holding technique on my toes (fingers holding toes). There's some nerve damage in the toes of one of my feet, and I'm hoping this helps to get some energy flowing into them.

[Joe Sustaire]

Good idea Pris, I hadn't thought of that. I also have some nerve damage in one foot, worth giving it a try!

[Cara]

Posted by AutumnW (here)
I have been sick for thirty five years and virtually house bound for ten years. My life is a battle to stay positive, see the good in people, believe that I have value when I am shunned because I can't participate in most activities.

Believe it or not, I'm not throwing myself a pity party. I am exposing a vulnerability and want people to join in this discussion about social isolation and the sadness and grief that come from being ignored--for whatever reason.

There is nothing to be ashamed of. It's a modern disease and it's a killer.

Let's talk about it.

Posted by AutumnW (here)
...Psychologists refer to loneliness as a modern disease. People are living longer, getting divorced, move frequently, change jobs, are widowed, etc..

... Here's the dynamic of admitting loneliness and having very few bonds. If people pick up on this, you automatically lose status. We are social animals and coming out and saying you are lonely, gives people the feeling, "Doesn't she have any pride?"

You are then automatically consigned to beta status, in their no-minds. Then they themselves begin to ignore you. I am not bringing this up for sympathy. I am studying it. I'm not ashamed of admitting to crushing loneliness at times, and mild loneliness much of the time.

I am very open about all aspects of my life. I do care what people think, and I would like to retain the strong alpha status I had in this unfortunate baboon colony, called Modern Life, when I was much younger and healthier. But I would prefer not to wear a mask of fake normalcy, when I and my life are anything but normal.

Most people are lonely much of the time and don't really know what is wrong. They think they are depressed when really what they need is the company of authentic other people and attachments to others.

Posted by AutumnW (here)
My husband died since I started this thread. Fortunately, in the few months before he died, I worked doubly hard to deal with issues of isolation, for the sake of my sanity.

My husband was healthy, for the most part and his death was not expected, on a conscious level. There were some inexplicable events surrounding the 48 hours prior to his death, though; a foreshadowing I picked up on.

Some days I feel pretty lost but I DO have a small supportive network of friends who are there for me. My husband's family is also as much there as they can be. My siblings were predictable. Such a great thing that I figured out beforehand how they would behave in a crisis and was prepared for it.

...

I really miss my husband but feel he is with me still; guiding me and loving me. He just isn't here-- but he had huge problems with his most recent incarnation here and is apparently really happy where he is. Yesterday I was talking to him and asking him if he was still able to hear me. There was a knock at the door. The dog ran barking to it. I heard it clearly but there was 'nobody' there.

For everyone who might be lonely, and for those who are not, this thread is a gift.

It’s not the normal gift, wrapped in paper and ribbons, a pleasant diversion from life.

Instead it is a gift of clearsighted courage, of seeing things as they are and responding with strength and purpose.

~~~

I “walk the line” between despair, isolation & loneliness and being alone, choosing detachment and distance.

I mentioned elsewhere that as a small child, my younger sister was extremely ill with a bone marrow disease for 9 years. I was always on the outside - excluded from but a witness to the pain. Too young to understand yet old enough to imagine the pain. Much of my childhood was spent with me bursting into tears and running out the house to cry in the garden. I walked among the trees until the tears stopped.

My classmates at school avoided me as if I was contagious. I was never in the crowd, the “cool” set, the gang of friends. I lost myself in books, ballet lessons and tears in the garden.

The first time I felt really accepted was ironically when I studied engineering. I was one of three girls in a class of 120. The “unsentimentality” of the guys was a blessing. I was a girl, I was odd - for being female - and that was that. They invited me into their mathematical world of things with no pretensions.

After that, I more or less did alright “pretending” to be a corporate person for a while but it burnt me out - I can’t pretend without huge cost to myself.

And so again I was outside. I have spent eight years in the Dubai desert - a literal and metaphorical one for me. The first two I was still in my corporate “pretending”. The next five were spent in a state of exhaustion and in the pits of despair. I was lost in loneliness. Over and over the words “what’s wrong with me?” circled in my mind. I felt I would never find my way out.

But I slogged on. I found some reasons why I was always wondering what was wrong with me. I found some consolation in “facing some of my demons”. I prayed. I asked for help from a couple of people, strangers really. A few gifted me with their full attention.



And I am fine, currently on the side of the line between loneliness and detachment, finding my way as I can.

[greybeard]

Im not fond of living on my own.
I keep busy as best I can but, yes, sometimes the alone -ness gets to me--then life can seem a bit pointless.
However music seems to be the best answer--its a gift to be able to play and listen.

Spirituality is well known for dark nights of the soul and for all that I feel that Im looked after--Im supposed to be on my own at the moment and there are benefits.
Chris

[RogueEllis]

I was recently asked, "Don't you want someone to share your life with?"

Why did I feel guilty when I replied "No?"

[Orph]

Loneliness is who I am. It's only painful when I'm around people.

[Rhogar]

Posted by Orph (here)
Loneliness is who I am. It's only painful when I'm around people.

Nice one mate.I have been alone my entire life and had tough ride so far,but living alone made me stronger.

I don't want to sound egotistic, but living like this requires a strong will and clearly it's not for everybody.

[Ernie Nemeth]

I cannot live alone. I am an entirely different person on my own. I need a woman to keep me on the straight and narrow. I can't and won't do it for myself.

In my sixty years I have only been on my own for 11 months and it was my most miserable year of my life.

[Mike]

I've always preferred being alone. I tend to get exhausted with too much company, too often.

However, it may just be a symptom of this fatigue disorder( mitochondrial disorder)I have more than an actual preference. Occasionally I'll be blessed with vim and vigor, and I find - not too surprisingly - that I'm a very different person when that happens.

So I'll sometimes wonder: who am I? Am I the sluggish guy with the fatigue disorder? Or the guy just behind all that, being weighed down by the fatigue? I prefer to think the latter. It's so glorious when the fog lifts - my mind is quick and agile and loaded with ideas and solutions to problems, and I'm much more likely to socialize. But most of the time it's an enormous struggle, and I want to find a cool and dark room to hide in.

I wonder if that's the same with others; perhaps preferring loneliness is a default position due to something else...like fatigue, or perhaps anxiety or something.

On the flip side, I do wonder a bit about those who always need company. A woman I was seeing recently has an enormous posse of friends, and I found that a little suspicious(maybe unfairly). She views my 3 or 4 close friends as limiting, and I view her large group as exhausting and unnecessary. We both represent extremes I guess, so the attitudes there aren't too surprising.

I've gone very long periods of time alone, and I don't mind it. But I do worry that perhaps I'm doing some sort of psychic damage I'm unaware of. People around me tend to view me as "weird" or "eccentric", and my natural reaction is to see that as a badge of honor. And maybe it is, but there is such a thing as spending too much time alone, and having been alone for so long, a loner won't notice when it happens. That's the danger. Without someone providing relativity or a kind of checks and balances, one's quirks and so forth can become distorted and damaging.

[RogueEllis]

Posted by Ernie Nemeth (here)
I cannot live alone. I am an entirely different person on my own. I need a woman to keep me on the straight and narrow. I can't and won't do it for myself.

In my sixty years I have only been on my own for 11 months and it was my most miserable year of my life.

I am curious about people like you, because I believe you are my exact opposite. Recently, I met someone who was very interested in a relationship and asked me the aforementioned question about being alone. I felt guilty and didn't know why I had to feel guilty just because I wanted to be by myself. I suppose I felt selfish. Like there's something wrong with me. Why is my heart so cold that it can not accept the love of others? All of this because I simply want to be alone.

[avid]

After years of being ‘gregarious’, and my career was to deal with students etc etc, I am now in such happy solitude, hating sound and light incursions by selfish neighbours, causing my peaceful existence scuppered by ‘statutory nuisance’, making me have my bedside light on dimmed all night to deflect their unnecessary ludicrous garden lighting, and now noise... wind chimes, enough to remind me of ‘water-tortures’ of constant dripping of a sound which eventually becomes obnoxious.
Gone are my dreams of open blinds watching the stars at night, as we used to do here, and the unnecessary light-energy-wasting neighbours who can't even be bothered to flick a switch at bedtime. The most annoying and uneducated folk.... but otherwise, living in the countryside is so therapeutic, despite slurry smells, I feel I am home at last. Wondrous views, amazing history here. I have come home at last.. so sod the daft neighbours!

[wondering]

Almost 2 years ago my husband, who is now 86, had a spinal injury and spent two months in the hospital - when he was discharged home he could not bear any wreight and had to be transferred from bed to chair with a transfer board. He has had much PT and is now able to use a walker to a limited extent. I have taken total care of him, I am a retired nurse, and his family has chosen to not be involved - my family lives out of state. We have supportive neighbors which is a gift. It has been a very difficult time and my greatest fear is that he could become worse and would require care in a facility. My interests and friends, except for a few, have dropped away since I can be out of the house for limited periods and am also exhausted and very anxious.
I really try to take it one day at a time and not fear the future and my ability to do this changes day by day. It’s just where I am for now. I pray to trust that no matter what is ahead I can manage it.
I’m not really asking for advice, per se, but I just want to say what life is like for me right now. It feels good to do that and to know that other people have their isolation and struggles, too. Diane

[Sunny-side-up]

Just wan't to say

Love you all.