Suffering; A weird type of Grace....

[dpwishy]

Hello Brothers and Sisters, I know I have been absent from posting for some time but I have been here all along. I had an amazing experience the last couple of weeks and I wanted to share it with you all. As whats a spiritual lesson if its not shared?

I was on my motorcycle last week leaving acupuncture, I was in a line of traffic and I walked my bike up a couple feet and pressed the front brake. I don't know how it happened but some how going 1mph, my left testicle slammed into the gas tank. The pain was overwhelming, I knew instantly something was not right. I have played sports and been hit in the nuts, this was a pain far beyond what I have ever experience. It took everything in me to drive my motorcycle the last 3 miles without passing out in pain. I got home, got in the bath tub and tried to soak it away, the pain got worse and worse. It got to the point where my left testicle was growing and growing, its now huge so I drove my self to the ER. I basically had to beg and plead for them to get me into an ER room, I have a very high pain tolerance and I was on the verge of passing out from pain. I knew something was seriously wrong. It took about an hour and a half to be seen, I was in tears fighting pain I have never experienced.

I was given ultrasounds and xrays. It seemed that I ruptured my left testicle that is now the size of a baseball. I was admitted over night. The next day I was informed the Dr wanted to wait a few days to see if it goes down in swelling, that if he removes it now its gone but if we wait there could be a slim chance it saves it self. I was informed I would have to stay until Friday. I begged and pleaded to leave. I said "If i'm only here for pain management and not for any testing until Friday can I please go home?". They agreed but I had no idea that the drugs I was getting in the hospital were no where close to what I got at home. In fact because it says I'm a recovering alcoholic, I can tell they underplayed the pain meds. I was given perk 5's when all that was helping in the hospital was dilaudid, which is many times stronger than morphine.

After hours of being home all the drugs wore off, the perk fives did absolutely nothing. I was starting to receive pain signals from my physical body that were so strong and dense that my consciousness was being pulled from higher aspects of the self to the physical body. It was something I was able to observe and it showed me actually that ever since I was born, I have always been in these higher aspects of self. I just never knew it because its all I have experienced. But when the pain got so much, my consciousness was forced to come into just the physical self. It was terrifying, I have never known a consciousness so small, all it could see was body and pain. Absolutely terrifying.

There were points where the pain was getting so bad that my eyes would start to flutter and then want to roll in the back of my head. I had to fight to stay conscious at these times. I have never experienced pain at these levels nor did I know they existed. In the grips of this pain, I saw a blue light in my minds eye and I knew it was Christ. I cant explain how I knew, it was just a knowing. Christ sat with me the whole time and suffered with me. Not only that but he showed to me at an experience level that suffering can only be overcome by love. We suffered together, it was one of the most painful and beautiful experiences of my life. I cant express the feeling of knowing that someone was willing to take the exact suffering you were feeling and feel it with you so you had a companion in those times. It made me understand the passion(easter) and Christs love in a way I could never fathom or understand before. It blew me away even more the timing this all happened....

Later on I was shown why I went through this experience. I just saw my self how consciousness could be trapped in the physical self, the jail cell. I saw that if pain gets so gross, so dense. If the information coming from the physical body is SO MUCH, consciousness has no other choice but to drop to that level to try and survive. I was shown the jail of being in the physical body alone, it was horrifying for me. Then I understood why so many people are stuck, or asleep. It made my heart cry for them. For the first time I realized that the pain most people feel is so much, they can not perceive anything but the physical body. When I saw how much physical pain it took for me to drop to that, I realized how much emotional pain people must be living in and not even realizing it. It must seem normal to them if they can live their lives this way. I realized the amount of emotion and physical pain people are under and do not even know. It was heart breaking. I understood for the first time the gravity of peoples suffering. And I don't mean the suffering you see, but the suffering that must go on in their minds to keep them locked in that aspect of the self. My compassion and service for other grew exponentially with this vision.

In the end the testicle was beyond repair, it was split in 4 different places with the insides coming out. The dr was 60 years old and said it was the worst he has ever seen or operated on. I saw from the very beginning that this was part of the divine plan. In fact from the very beginning I was telling them to remove the testicle. Many things changed after it was removed, both cravings and desires of the material plane and not just of sex. I seemed to have stumbled many times over things I have been shown by the universe need to change, when the time was up those changes were made for me by the grace of God. I realized after this whole experience that suffering is a weird type of grace when you truly understand it. I could see how to most people this could be the absolute worst weeks of their life. But I can honestly say I am blessed and grateful for the experience. God never ceases to amaze me.

I rose, I roared,
I WILL
I AM!

In divine friendship,
your brother,
-michael

[Heartsong]

Thank you for writing of your experience. It will help us all understand the nature of pain and grace and of Christ.

[Sidney]

How Profound. Thank you so much for sharing this truly amazing experience. I am sorry for your pain and loss of the testicle, but very happy that you found the gift in the experience.
I agree, suffering is an interesting part of 3d life that can always be used as a tool for higher understand of self and life itself.

[Tesla_WTC_Solution]

That is a very humbling story -- you know what, my poor dad had a similar but lesser injury,
he was stopping on a bicycle similar to your experience, and hit the bar in front of the seat.
Didn't get surgery. Probably should have.

Then some years later, his brother-in-law jumped across the trampoline and used a knee to hit my dad in the crotch, same injury.

He was always paranoid about kids jumping on the couch while sleeping etc. I think he would have been happier with it gone!!!!


Sorry this happened to you what a freakish accident
Same thing will happen to my knee eventually imo

i hope you feel much better and forget about that nasty pain.

[Davidallany]

That's the spirit michael. First of all thank you for sharing your experience. How wonderful it is to be so positive and turn your pain and suffering into an advantage. Here is something for you to enjoy.

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=rZvXafmeIv8

Congratulations on your attainment.

[raregem]

My gratitude to you Michael and your experiences as well as your understandings.

I have been asking what is the "flipside" of accidents and pain causing stresses. You have answered so beautifully and specifically this question. In the past I could not understand how pain worked re: emotional states. How could it ever be a lesson in understanding, I would wonder.? I could not grasp this concept years back. You speak eloquently and lovingly. Thank you.

[Lifebringer]

I felt the same way when I was stabbed 7 times and in the back of the ambulance, I knew I was a gonner. I figured I'd better call on Jesus, but at the time, I was also reading the K'oran text, wouldn't you know it? He answered to both. I had two collapsing lungs that had to have chest tube insertion and I was wide awake w/out full anesthesia effect, just a topic injection to both sides before insertion in the ER. I was panicky, heart racing, couldn't breathe and all of a sudden when I said Oh God don't let me leave my children, he's going after the children, a warm comforting feeling came over me, and it felt like I heard him say, without speaking/inside, its alright, I'm here, to let me calm down. This helped the docs tremendously after all I was in shock also. It was like time stopped and the pain was there, but I wasn't feeling any of it, and then they started to talk to me about what they were going to do and tried to get me to sign something, and I was back in feeling the pen, but not the pain the body was going through during the lung collapsing. Thanks for reminding me of that comforting time, it made me realize when you said, that even the things suffered in the mind, when we emotionally hurt, he's there for the comforting. It was truly a great experience.

[dpwishy]

Thanks for the kind words, stories and video! Its much appreciated. I have had contact with Christ before, but the aspect of Christ I have come into contact with, and even became for a short period, is not that of Jesus. One time the deceiver came to me and tried to make a deal with me for my soul. It tried every which way to get me, finally it said "I can autopen a book through you that will be the catalyst for the awakening. That I could sacrifice my soul for the all, its was a very convincing argument. In the end God spoke to me through a song that was on the radio, it was TOOLS The patient, the words kept repeating "Be patient, I must keep reminding my self of this. If there were no desire to heal, the damaged and broken man along this tedious path I've chosen here, I certainly would've walked away by now. Be patient, I must keep reminding my self of this." I knew I was being spoken too.

After this happened I told it I was no longer interested in its contracts. It left while it mocked me, telling me I would always be a slave. That I would never get anywhere in this world, that I would always be in debt and have student loans. He laughed the whole time he left. As soon as he left the holy spirit came and said because I did not accept the offer, I would be given everything it offered to me. Then at that moment I was able to experience Christ. I became Christ. I don't mean Jesus, but the Christ consciousness. I couldn't stop laughing. I was in uncontrollable laughter. All I could think about is here is a recovering alcoholic who can turn water into wine. I knew I could do ANYTHING. The thought of having this ability while I was an alcoholic was the funniest thing in the world to me. After about an hour in this consciousness it was taken away. It was just a glimpse, a taste, so I know what is my final goal.

I have experienced Christ a few times in my life. To me Christ is the fathers consciousness in created existence. It is a consciousness not a person. Over this experience I got to meet Jesus, the man who walked with this consciousness. I know I was with him when he walked this earth, I know I was a disciple later to be an apostle. I have had this longing in my heart for Christ all my life but could not stand religion or the church. My heart cried for a real and true relationship, not a dogmatic substitute. And when I was given that relationship, that vision, I can honestly say it changed my life forever.

I have a weird relationship with this time of the year. I am not sure if its because of the time I spent with Jesus and this is all tied into my heart. But about 3-4 years ago I did my first Vipassana 10 day retreat. It was another huge push forward in who I am and my path. This 10 day course fell right on top of Easter weekend. I felt my death and rebirth in a way that was so meaningful because of the timing. These seem to happen to greater and lesser extent each year. This year being a huge one.

This testimony is coming from a truth seeker. One who does not consider him self a Christian, one who has never actively pursued Jesus. But when I suffered more than I could imagine, he was there for me. That all I need to say about who this being is.

In divine friendship,
your brother,
-Michael

[conk]

Thank you. This is very moving and very real to me. I am totally empathic and quite enamoured of your story. Much can be gleaned from suffering. For most or all us some amount of pain and challenge is part of the lesson plan. I've experienced immense physical pain and staggering fatigue for many, many years. It has been the catalyst for a radical education, a process whereby I've come to understand the true and real nature of God. There has been great learning in efforts to heal my body and mind. The knowledge amassed is sufficient, when implemented, to cure anyone of most anything. And to share this information with my family, to keep my girls in a supremely healthful state is worth the price.

Dawn, from this forum, told me that shaman often suffer before clarity and awakening. Certainly not declaring that I'm in that category, but she did impart more understanding and acceptance of my suffering. I am fully convinced that soon I will be healed, if not in this lifetime, certainly in one that follows.

Thanks again for your story! Love and blessings,

Conk

[dpwishy]

Conk: Thank you for the kind words and the personal story.

Posted by conk (here)
Dawn, from this forum, told me that shaman often suffer before clarity and awakening.

Conk

Its funny you say that. I have always considered my self a shaman. Anytime I would mention it here it would bring criticism as I dont live in a jungle, so surely I cant be a shaman!

I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me,
Blessings and light

In divine friendship,
your brother,
-michael

[dpwishy]

A little update. After losing my left testicle things have changed big time. Especially towards the material plane. If I eat any kind of junk or fake food, I literally get pains that hurt. Bad pains. I can only eat organic foods. I have been eating a whole package of organic strawberries, whole package of organic blueberries, a quart of greek yogurt, a whole bottle of kefir, 4 organic bananas a day in 3-4 smoothies. I am juicing vegetables for one meal and also have a organic salad with free range/hormone turkey breast for dinner. I am eating over a 100g of protein a day, I am still 15 lbs under where I should be. I lost 20 lbs from the surgery and I only weighed 140, I did not have 2 lbs to lose, let alone twenty.

Also, I have become really sensitive. My intuition, inner voice is much louder and clearer. Electronics seem to be messing with me now. If I lay down and use my iphone over my chest for any amount of time, I begin to get pains in my heart that last for a good amount of time. I have to keep a distance of about 18 inches or 2 feet from electronics or it really messes with my system.

I also had a breakthrough Thursday, My higher self and guides came and told me that I am a spiritual healer. That I use words, both written and orally to heal. That I need to see that I have a gift in spoken and written word, that it effects many people and induces healing. Carol Clarke uses the future to heal, Long Island medium connects with dead to heal, and I was shown that my skill with words is just as important in healing. I was shown that I am not special its just my soul has a very strong connecting with oral and written transmission. I have studied it thinking its important for thousands of lives. In fact, I am only sent to planets where written and oral transmission is still needed to get to people. I was shown there will be a time and place here where written and oral transmission is not needed but this is not the time and is why my soul is here. I have been on this mission for countless lives, coming in and out of this planet and others to teach.

I was shown that the healing that occurs is not just for other people but for my self also. In each relationship that I am able to do this, there is also a part of me that heals also. There is also a lesson I can learn in each healing that helps me grow. I was shown its a beneficial relationship, its not one way at all. I was shown I need to look at every relationship and person that comes into my life and figure out the reason and healing that has to occur, that each person is there for a very specific purpose and more will start entering my life.

I had a rebirth over the last few weeks. The accident, surgery, was truly a gift. I felt like my flesh was crucified and what remained was only spirit. I lost almost twenty pounds but I now see the gift. This time I had a chance at building my body with new healthy cells. It's an amazing opportunity and I didn't take it lightly. I am so grateful and lucky for this new chance. I feel like I died and was resurrected. In a few weeks I am going to re-baptize my self in the name of spirit.

In divine friendship,
your brother,
-michael

[dpwishy]

Oh, I forgot to mention. I was shown that because my healing is done through words, both orally and written, that I have to be very careful in what I say because used negatively they can really hurt people. The words carry a very strong vibration. I really need to be conscious about what I say. A hummer can be used to create or destroy....

In divine friendship,
Your brother,
-Michael

[Sidney]

Thank you Michael, for sharing these experiences. It is quite moving to hear these transformations. Does it make you wonder what really were the forces behind the accident in the first place, like a hidden hand actually caused the "collision"? God certainly works in mysterious ways.

[dpwishy]

Posted by Sidney (here)
Thank you Michael, for sharing these experiences. It is quite moving to hear these transformations. Does it make you wonder what really were the forces behind the accident in the first place, like a hidden hand actually caused the "collision"? God certainly works in mysterious ways.

There is no doubt in my mind that this was part of the divine plan, I knew it the second it happened to me. If you saw how it happened you would laugh, I was walking my bike, I was going 1 mph MAX. I like symbolically what testicle it was. I felt like with in the last year I was given the choice between the left and right hand path, i choose the right hand path. Left hand path is service to self, right hand path is service to other. I lost my left testicle.....



In divine friendship,
Your brother,
-Michael