Being Authentic...

[Natalia]

~being authentic attracts authentic love~

[betoobig]

the question is.. when are we authentic???

[Agape]

Posted by betoobig (here)
the question is.. when are we authentic???

All the time except for exams

[Sierra]

Posted by Agape (here)

Posted by betoobig (here)
the question is.. when are we authentic???

All the time except for exams

And job interviews.

[Shezbeth]

First dates?

I agree with the statement of the OP, however as a caveat I must point out that there are individuals on the planet for whom "Insufferable obstinacy" is an expression of being authentic. Especially amongst cities and social 'norms' where being authentic is the exception rather than the rule, being authentic can be cause for adversity.

However, authenticity is its own reward IMO.

[Natalia]

[betoobig]

being authentic is what shines when you overcome fear....
Everyone is authentic.... but we don´t usually show/present ourselves how we really are...AUTHENTIC
Authentic love to all

[Agape]

Posted by Sierra (here)

Posted by Agape (here)

Posted by betoobig (here)
the question is.. when are we authentic???

All the time except for exams

And job interviews.

And, family functions. But that's never been my fault ...

[Frank V]

My experience is that people are so accustomed to lies and deceit that they don't believe someone who is actually being authentic. They then say that it would be too good to be true. But of course, in saying that, they are merely projecting themselves onto you and accusing you of the very things they themselves are guilty of.

Happens to me every day, that.

:sour grin:

[Natalia]

Posted by Aragorn (here)
My experience is that people are so accustomed to lies and deceit that they don't believe someone who is actually being authentic. They then say that it would be too good to be true. But of course, in saying that, they are merely projecting themselves onto you and accusing you of the very things they themselves are guilty of.

Happens to me every day, that.

:sour grin:

I know what you mean...this has happened to me at times, and it can be that people are not trusting your heart because their heart is not open enough to trust it, and/or they are just not intuitively connecting to it...

I'm not saying that I am "authentic" all the time...but I mean it as an in general thing, and in a way I get more and more authentic, more and more true me...as I heal

[Frank V]

Posted by Amethyst (here)

Posted by Aragorn (here)
My experience is that people are so accustomed to lies and deceit that they don't believe someone who is actually being authentic. They then say that it would be too good to be true. But of course, in saying that, they are merely projecting themselves onto you and accusing you of the very things they themselves are guilty of.

Happens to me every day, that.

:sour grin:

I know what you mean...this has happened to me at times, and it can be that people are not trusting your heart because their heart is not open enough to trust it, and/or they are just not intuitively connecting to it...

I am sad to have to admit that when it comes to humanity as a whole, I have grown quite cynical over the years, and as such, I would say that it's not just that they don't connect to their own heart - this in itself would rather be a matter of expanding their consciousness beyond the near-animal-like level of consciousness of the majority of humanity at this point in time - but rather that people in general are just far more cynical than me and do not believe in the existence of absolute innocence.

Another thing is that often people's ego causes them to see the splinter in somebody's eyes while completely missing the beam in their own. I am dealing with several people like that on a daily basis. For some of them, there is hope. Others are simply vile characters - narcissists, Machiavellians, sociopaths, et al.

For those who are not narcissistic, Machiavallian or sociopathic, it's a matter of an insidious indoctrination from within society. They've been seeing no less than that in the world for ages already, and their own minds and hearts are tainted as well. Therefore, they expect everyone else to be just the same.

Posted by Amethyst (here)
I'm not saying that I am "authentic" all the time...but I mean it as an in general thing, and in a way I get more and more authentic, more and more true me...as I heal

On account of myself, it's not so much a matter of healing, although time knows that I've had to do my share of that as well - and I still am, actually. Yet, I think it's just a matter of growing wiser and realizing that the Truth is always the simplest and most natural path. Be truthful to everyone, and you will never have to wonder about what you said to whom. This is something I have come to realize a long time ago. And then there's the "Do not do unto others", etc. Sometimes a little white lie is justified, but being true to yourself as well as to others is simply The Right Thing To Do ™. :-)

Of course, in order to be true to oneself, one has to respect oneself as a being. And this is where it goes wrong with the vast majority of people. They don't respect themselves, so how can we ever expect them to respect us, right? And that leads me to another gem of wisdom: be hard on yourself, but always be very lenient towards others. Most people, alas, have that backwards.

[Rich]

Should we have a avalon section for singles that want to meet someone? Or is that not a good idea?

[Natalia]

Posted by Aragorn (here)

Posted by Amethyst (here)

Posted by Aragorn (here)
My experience is that people are so accustomed to lies and deceit that they don't believe someone who is actually being authentic. They then say that it would be too good to be true. But of course, in saying that, they are merely projecting themselves onto you and accusing you of the very things they themselves are guilty of.

Happens to me every day, that.

:sour grin:

I know what you mean...this has happened to me at times, and it can be that people are not trusting your heart because their heart is not open enough to trust it, and/or they are just not intuitively connecting to it...

I am sad to have to admit that when it comes to humanity as a whole, I have grown quite cynical over the years, and as such, I would say that it's not just that they don't connect to their own heart - this in itself would rather be a matter of expanding their consciousness beyond the near-animal-like level of consciousness of the majority of humanity at this point in time - but rather that people in general are just far more cynical than me and do not believe in the existence of absolute innocence.

Another thing is that often people's ego causes them to see the splinter in somebody's eyes while completely missing the beam in their own. I am dealing with several people like that on a daily basis. For some of them, there is hope. Others are simply vile characters - narcissists, Machiavellians, sociopaths, et al.

For those who are not narcissistic, Machiavallian or sociopathic, it's a matter of an insidious indoctrination from within society. They've been seeing no less than that in the world for ages already, and their own minds and hearts are tainted as well. Therefore, they expect everyone else to be just the same.

Posted by Amethyst (here)
I'm not saying that I am "authentic" all the time...but I mean it as an in general thing, and in a way I get more and more authentic, more and more true me...as I heal

On account of myself, it's not so much a matter of healing, although time knows that I've had to do my share of that as well - and I still am, actually. Yet, I think it's just a matter of growing wiser and realizing that the Truth is always the simplest and most natural path. Be truthful to everyone, and you will never have to wonder about what you said to whom. This is something I have come to realize a long time ago. And then there's the "Do not do unto others", etc. Sometimes a little white lie is justified, but being true to yourself as well as to others is simply The Right Thing To Do ™. :-)

Of course, in order to be true to oneself, one has to respect oneself as a being. And this is where it goes wrong with the vast majority of people. They don't respect themselves, so how can we ever expect them to respect us, right? And that leads me to another gem of wisdom: be hard on yourself, but always be very lenient towards others. Most people, alas, have that backwards.

Yeah, you are right, it's not just about the heart but ego as well...not being very aware...some people might think that I am projecting right now, lol, well I admit that at times I have come from ego and have been very unaware in the moment, too (like we all have)...but, people are at different levels and different stages in their lives and in some ways...I'm not good friends with people who are generally very immature, but they all still have some immaturity...

On my face book page I write some things from my heart, to do with love and equality and peace (not activism or lecture - rarely), a few (or more!? but not most) people really hate me for it...when they have seen me in physical life after, they can't even look at me (when they could before) and/or just give off hate vibes to me...and/or blank me and talk to others...but I will not hate or fear them back if I can help it...I want to rise above it...and it feels good when I do...I have the let fear of what people think of me get to me way too much in my life, and now after a long struggle with it it's getting better, but I still feel it at times...

This is one of my fave songs about our inner lies, the ones that cause low self esteem, self doubt and feeling bad about ourselves...

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=mcF5wl2PlmU

I think that these lies only harm (and/or block or disconnect us from somewhat) our authentic selves...

[Natalia]

Posted by EmEx (here)
Should we have a avalon section for singles that want to meet someone? Or is that not a good idea?

Awww, that's a sweet idea, made me smile

[Frank V]

Posted by Amethyst (here)

Posted by Aragorn (here)
I am sad to have to admit that when it comes to humanity as a whole, I have grown quite cynical over the years, and as such, I would say that it's not just that they don't connect to their own heart - this in itself would rather be a matter of expanding their consciousness beyond the near-animal-like level of consciousness of the majority of humanity at this point in time - but rather that people in general are just far more cynical than me and do not believe in the existence of absolute innocence.

Another thing is that often people's ego causes them to see the splinter in somebody's eyes while completely missing the beam in their own. I am dealing with several people like that on a daily basis. For some of them, there is hope. Others are simply vile characters - narcissists, Machiavellians, sociopaths, et al.

For those who are not narcissistic, Machiavallian or sociopathic, it's a matter of an insidious indoctrination from within society. They've been seeing no less than that in the world for ages already, and their own minds and hearts are tainted as well. Therefore, they expect everyone else to be just the same.

Posted by Amethyst (here)
I'm not saying that I am "authentic" all the time...but I mean it as an in general thing, and in a way I get more and more authentic, more and more true me...as I heal

On account of myself, it's not so much a matter of healing, although time knows that I've had to do my share of that as well - and I still am, actually. Yet, I think it's just a matter of growing wiser and realizing that the Truth is always the simplest and most natural path. Be truthful to everyone, and you will never have to wonder about what you said to whom. This is something I have come to realize a long time ago. And then there's the "Do not do unto others", etc. Sometimes a little white lie is justified, but being true to yourself as well as to others is simply The Right Thing To Do ™. :-)

Of course, in order to be true to oneself, one has to respect oneself as a being. And this is where it goes wrong with the vast majority of people. They don't respect themselves, so how can we ever expect them to respect us, right? And that leads me to another gem of wisdom: be hard on yourself, but always be very lenient towards others. Most people, alas, have that backwards.

Yeah, you are right, it's not just about the heart but ego as well...not being very aware...some people might think that I am projecting right now, lol, well I admit that at times I have come from ego and have been very unaware in the moment, too (like we all have)...but, people are at different levels and different stages in their lives and in some ways...I'm not good friends with people who are generally very immature, but they all still have some immaturity...

Oh, I deal with lots of people who are behaving immaturely on a daily basis. One of them is actually a friend of mine, and I try to teach her the error of her ways, but when I do that, she retreats back into the comfortable shell of her own belief system, and then I'm the bad guy, you know?

Posted by Amethyst (here)
On my face book page I write some things from my heart, to do with love and equality and peace (not activism or lecture - rarely), a few (or more!? but not most) people really hate me for it...when they have seen me in physical life after, they can't even look at me (when they could before) and/or just give off hate vibes to me...and/or blank me and talk to others...but I will not hate or fear them back if I can help it...I want to rise above it...and it feels good when I do...I have the let fear of what people think of me get to me way too much in my life, and now after a long struggle with it it's getting better, but I still feel it at times...

Well, I was on Facebook for a while too. At first I didn't really want to register there, but several friends were sending me invites at around the same time, so I thought I'd give it a go. And for a while, I liked it. I played one of those games - Mafia Wars - and I was very active in the (Facebook-based) autism acceptance community, and at a later stage also in the Project Camelot group. But it did garner me some enemies.

Within the autism community, it was because people had befriended me simply because they saw my name in there, but without that they really knew what my position was on account of autism spectrum conditions. Many of those people were so-called "autism moms" (and a few "autism dads"), and they were attacking me because they were in denial about autism being a genetically originated condition - which I myself consider to be a neurological difference, rather than a pathological condition or "disorder" - and they were putting the blame for their child(ren)'s autism on vaccines, and they were adamant at "finding a cure". I was accused of being a shill for Big Pharma, and what have you - the truth is that I don't even support vaccinations, or at least not the industrialized variant of it. (I'll give you three guesses on account of what country most of those hostile people were from. )

I also garnered some enemies on account of my speaking up about what's going on in the world, and how evidence about extraterrestrial life and other paranormal phenomena is being suppressed. Fortunately however, all of my "Facebook enemies" were confined to Facebook. I've never had to deal with any of them "in real life".

As an aside, I'm also quite active on Usenet in discussion groups about GNU/Linux. Quite often, discussions go off-topic - actually, they do that all the time - and wander off into political or other directions. There too, I will speak my mind, whether it's about international politics or "9/11", or whatever have you. And that too will garner me some enemies. Of course, usually, that animosity will stay on Usenet, but I've already had it happen that one particular character chose to reply to me via e-mail instead, and took the opportunity to insult me. Now, when it's e-mail, then it's getting personal, so I was shocked. However, I did not reply to that guy and I put him in my killfile in my Usenet newsreader. If people can't have a civilized debate with me and choose to insult me because I'm stepping on their narcissist-nationalist toes, then I'm not going to be wasting my time arguing with them. It would be pointless anyway. (I'll give you another three guesses as to what country he was from. )

To get back on the subject of Facebook then, eventually I left that behind me late in 2010, because I could not reconcile myself with Facebook's arrogant claim that they were the "intellectual proprietor" of everything I had ever posted there - my name, my pictures, my comments, my articles, whom I was friends with, etc. It was only later on - after I had already left there - that I found out that Facebook is in fact a huge database for the CIA. Everyone posts their personal lives on there, so what better way could the CIA have for gathering data on everyone in the world? And the servers were - at least, at that time - all located in the United States of America, so they were all subjected to USA'n law.

I'm glad I left that behind me. Of course, I am also registered on YouTube - not for the sake of uploading videos, but so that I would be able to comment on other people's videos - and Google has started to link up YouTube with Google+ accounts, and that sucks just as badly. They tricked me into creating a Google+ account - because you had to click this and do such and such before you could go on with this and that, and so on - but that account does not carry my legal name and I'm not using it.

I hate corporatism.

Posted by Amethyst (here)
This is one of my fave songs about our inner lies, the ones that cause low self esteem, self doubt and feeling bad about ourselves...

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=mcF5wl2PlmU

I think that these lies only harm (and/or block or disconnect us from somewhat) our authentic selves...

You have no idea. I grew up in an environment where I was constantly being fed lies, even about myself. And being who I am - i.e. coming from an existence where there is no deceit whatsoever - I was too innocent and naive to disbelieve any of it. I almost dogmatically accepted everything anyone "of authority" said. I was heavily indoctrinated and heavily bullied, and it seriously damaged my personality. I still have nightmares about it at times.

It was only much, much later, that I started seeing through the lies and started discovering the real me. It started with seeing my own qualities first. But it has been and (even today) still is a hard road, because of the scars left by the indoctrination and conditioning.

Still, there is no point in dwelling on the past, so I won't. The damage was done and has left its traces, but I have moved on and I'm trying to maintain a positive attitude. Emphasis on "trying", because it doesn't always work. But at least I do try. :-)

[Natalia]

Posted by Amethyst (here)

Posted by Aragorn (here)
I am sad to have to admit that when it comes to humanity as a whole, I have grown quite cynical over the years, and as such, I would say that it's not just that they don't connect to their own heart - this in itself would rather be a matter of expanding their consciousness beyond the near-animal-like level of consciousness of the majority of humanity at this point in time - but rather that people in general are just far more cynical than me and do not believe in the existence of absolute innocence.

Another thing is that often people's ego causes them to see the splinter in somebody's eyes while completely missing the beam in their own. I am dealing with several people like that on a daily basis. For some of them, there is hope. Others are simply vile characters - narcissists, Machiavellians, sociopaths, et al.

For those who are not narcissistic, Machiavallian or sociopathic, it's a matter of an insidious indoctrination from within society. They've been seeing no less than that in the world for ages already, and their own minds and hearts are tainted as well. Therefore, they expect everyone else to be just the same.

Posted by Amethyst (here)
I'm not saying that I am "authentic" all the time...but I mean it as an in general thing, and in a way I get more and more authentic, more and more true me...as I heal

On account of myself, it's not so much a matter of healing, although time knows that I've had to do my share of that as well - and I still am, actually. Yet, I think it's just a matter of growing wiser and realizing that the Truth is always the simplest and most natural path. Be truthful to everyone, and you will never have to wonder about what you said to whom. This is something I have come to realize a long time ago. And then there's the "Do not do unto others", etc. Sometimes a little white lie is justified, but being true to yourself as well as to others is simply The Right Thing To Do ™. :-)

Of course, in order to be true to oneself, one has to respect oneself as a being. And this is where it goes wrong with the vast majority of people. They don't respect themselves, so how can we ever expect them to respect us, right? And that leads me to another gem of wisdom: be hard on yourself, but always be very lenient towards others. Most people, alas, have that backwards.

Yeah, you are right, it's not just about the heart but ego as well...not being very aware...some people might think that I am projecting right now, lol, well I admit that at times I have come from ego and have been very unaware in the moment, too (like we all have)...but, people are at different levels and different stages in their lives and in some ways...I'm not good friends with people who are generally very immature, but they all still have some immaturity...

Posted by Aragorn (here)
[Oh, I deal with lots of people who are behaving immaturely on a daily basis. One of them is actually a friend of mine, and I try to teach her the error of her ways, but when I do that, she retreats back into the comfortable shell of her own belief system, and then I'm the bad guy, you know?

That’s why most of the time I don’t interfere in people’s lives and beliefs when I see/feel that they are not open to it! And/or just accepting that it’s just not their way. As you know, when that is the case, and you say something that they take as you saying that they are wrong (even if you are not or they are taking it more personally than you expected, and you are trying to help), and it doesn’t help. I have done it at times, I’m sure that most of us have, when we have given advice to someone and they didn’t appreciate it…didn’t listen…and just carried on with an unhealthy behaviour, and because we care about them that can be upsetting. Sometimes there is nothing that we can do about their free will choices and ways of being and the kindest things that we can do is to just accept it…and sometimes they will see it later when they are ready to, what they need to change for their wellbeing (and others).

Posted by Amethyst (here)
On my face book page I write some things from my heart, to do with love and equality and peace (not activism or lecture - rarely), a few (or more!? but not most) people really hate me for it...when they have seen me in physical life after, they can't even look at me (when they could before) and/or just give off hate vibes to me...and/or blank me and talk to others...but I will not hate or fear them back if I can help it...I want to rise above it...and it feels good when I do...I have the let fear of what people think of me get to me way too much in my life, and now after a long struggle with it it's getting better, but I still feel it at times...

Posted by Aragorn (here)
[Well, I was on Facebook for a while too. At first I didn't really want to register there, but several friends were sending me invites at around the same time, so I thought I'd give it a go. And for a while, I liked it. I played one of those games - Mafia Wars - and I was very active in the (Facebook-based) autism acceptance community, and at a later stage also in the Project Camelot group. But it did garner me some enemies.

Within the autism community, it was because people had befriended me simply because they saw my name in there, but without that they really knew what my position was on account of autism spectrum conditions. Many of those people were so-called "autism moms" (and a few "autism dads"), and they were attacking me because they were in denial about autism being a genetically originated condition - which I myself consider to be a neurological difference, rather than a pathological condition or "disorder" - and they were putting the blame for their child(ren)'s autism on vaccines, and they were adamant at "finding a cure". I was accused of being a shill for Big Pharma, and what have you - the truth is that I don't even support vaccinations, or at least not the industrialized variant of it. (I'll give you three guesses on account of what country most of those hostile people were from. )

I also garnered some enemies on account of my speaking up about what's going on in the world, and how evidence about extraterrestrial life and other paranormal phenomena is being suppressed. Fortunately however, all of my "Facebook enemies" were confined to Facebook. I've never had to deal with any of them "in real life".

As an aside, I'm also quite active on Usenet in discussion groups about GNU/Linux. Quite often, discussions go off-topic - actually, they do that all the time - and wander off into political or other directions. There too, I will speak my mind, whether it's about international politics or "9/11", or whatever have you. And that too will garner me some enemies. Of course, usually, that animosity will stay on Usenet, but I've already had it happen that one particular character chose to reply to me via e-mail instead, and took the opportunity to insult me. Now, when it's e-mail, then it's getting personal, so I was shocked. However, I did not reply to that guy and I put him in my killfile in my Usenet newsreader. If people can't have a civilized debate with me and choose to insult me because I'm stepping on their narcissist-nationalist toes, then I'm not going to be wasting my time arguing with them. It would be pointless anyway. (I'll give you another three guesses as to what country he was from. )

To get back on the subject of Facebook then, eventually I left that behind me late in 2010, because I could not reconcile myself with Facebook's arrogant claim that they were the "intellectual proprietor" of everything I had ever posted there - my name, my pictures, my comments, my articles, whom I was friends with, etc. It was only later on - after I had already left there - that I found out that Facebook is in fact a huge database for the CIA. Everyone posts their personal lives on there, so what better way could the CIA have for gathering data on everyone in the world? And the servers were - at least, at that time - all located in the United States of America, so they were all subjected to USA'n law.

I'm glad I left that behind me. Of course, I am also registered on YouTube - not for the sake of uploading videos, but so that I would be able to comment on other people's videos - and Google has started to link up YouTube with Google+ accounts, and that sucks just as badly. They tricked me into creating a Google+ account - because you had to click this and do such and such before you could go on with this and that, and so on - but that account does not carry my legal name and I'm not using it.

I hate corporatism.

From reading that and some of your other posts here on this forum about autism, or partly about it, I am sure that you have helped some people to feel good and better about themselves . I have enjoyed reading some of your posts here, and it’s good to see the positive and beneficial sides of autism and being highly sensitive in this world, because there is stigma, misunderstandings and bullying because of people’s negative perceptions and misunderstandings about it. Because you have been torn down, you need to build yourself up again, and you do this with building self-worth, self-respect, and self-love – I understand that, I have had to do this too, and while I don’t have autism so do not really know what it’s like from experience (but do have some traits that are the same or similar), I am highly sensitive and also have felt like a “weirdo” in some ways and misunderstood, and so on with some other things.

Sometimes people do not understand the needed process of building yourself up and healing, they see it as more ego and less needed than it actually is…and may or may not even be a bit jealous, but the most important thing (to me with this) is that we know, and have at least some support from others who do understand well enough.

When it comes to sharing strong and controversial truths and opinions and theories, people can react to them strongly, things can get heated, and misunderstandings can happen, and it just goes with it sometimes. I have at times said to myself “is it worth it?”, and my feeling usually tells me no (mostly) or yes…I have made mistakes with it that I have learned something from and so am usually a bit wiser now.

But what we share and how we contribute is also is about our personality types, and our values, and our priorities, and our purposes, and we learn as we go along…

I’m still on face book because I value sharing and connecting on there, even though I know that there are privacy issues, some people leave and that’s right for them but for now I’m staying! (but, being careful in some ways).

Posted by Amethyst (here)
This is one of my fave songs about our inner lies, the ones that cause low self esteem, self doubt and feeling bad about ourselves...

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=mcF5wl2PlmU

I think that these lies only harm (and/or block or disconnect us from somewhat) our authentic selves...

Posted by Aragorn (here)
You have no idea. I grew up in an environment where I was constantly being fed lies, even about myself. And being who I am - i.e. coming from an existence where there is no deceit whatsoever - I was too innocent and naive to disbelieve any of it. I almost dogmatically accepted everything anyone "of authority" said. I was heavily indoctrinated and heavily bullied, and it seriously damaged my personality. I still have nightmares about it at times.

It was only much, much later, that I started seeing through the lies and started discovering the real me. It started with seeing my own qualities first. But it has been and (even today) still is a hard road, because of the scars left by the indoctrination and conditioning.

Still, there is no point in dwelling on the past, so I won't. The damage was done and has left its traces, but I have moved on and I'm trying to maintain a positive attitude. Emphasis on "trying", because it doesn't always work. But at least I do try. :-)

That stuff in the past leaves us with wounds needing to be healed, some of which can take many years to heal. After my (mixed up) childhood, and being severely bullied at school for years, I developed social anxiety, depression and had other issues to do with low self-esteem. I have overcome them a lot, and learned and grown from them, but at times still feel them and get effected by them and am still not fully healed (obviously, hehe). Most people don’t know what it’s been like if they haven’t been there themselves, even though some of them can empathise with some of it.

I try too, and be and do and not do, and rise up and fall, and sometimes the trying and successes and mistakes - all of it, helps us with our future development.

[3(C)+me]

Posted by Agape (here)

Posted by Sierra (here)

Posted by Agape (here)

Posted by betoobig (here)
the question is.. when are we authentic???

All the time except for exams

And job interviews.

And, family functions. But that's never been my fault ...

Or on the first few dates with someone you really like, it's all about putting your best food forward "see how wonderful I am"

[Frank V]

Posted by Amethyst (here)

Posted by Aragorn (here)
Oh, I deal with lots of people who are behaving immaturely on a daily basis. One of them is actually a friend of mine, and I try to teach her the error of her ways, but when I do that, she retreats back into the comfortable shell of her own belief system, and then I'm the bad guy, you know?

That’s why most of the time I don’t interfere in people’s lives and beliefs when I see/feel that they are not open to it! And/or just accepting that it’s just not their way. As you know, when that is the case, and you say something that they take as you saying that they are wrong (even if you are not or they are taking it more personally than you expected, and you are trying to help), and it doesn’t help. I have done it at times, I’m sure that most of us have, when we have given advice to someone and they didn’t appreciate it…didn’t listen…and just carried on with an unhealthy behaviour, and because we care about them that can be upsetting. Sometimes there is nothing that we can do about their free will choices and ways of being and the kindest things that we can do is to just accept it…and sometimes they will see it later when they are ready to, what they need to change for their wellbeing (and others).

Well, it's complicated in the case of the friend of whom I spoke higher up, because she has severe issues - she's had some traumatic experiences herself in her youth, in combination with high-functioning autism (formerly known as Asperger's Syndrome), ADHD, dyslexia, OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) and bipolar disorder - and I have recently begun suspecting a whiff of narcissistic personality disorder in her as well. She is pathologically desperate for confirmation, and when she thinks she's not getting that, she will attack me, whether verbally or whether via mind games and emotional blackmail.

I have known this friend for twelve years already and I'd say that we are fairly close. But the above has really put a heavy weight on our friendship and there regularly have been and still are times when we're not on speaking terms with each other. She also assumes more liberties for herself than she's willing to extend to me, such as that whenever she doesn't feel like talking, she won't talk to me, while at the same time, whenever she does feel like talking, I have to drop whatever it is that I'm doing and give her my undivided attention. And if I don't, she'll get anywhere from vicious slurs to outright fits of psychosis, complete with false allegations.

The situation is highly draining, and so I have already taken several steps back. However, I cannot help but think that it must be my patience which has kept this friendship going for the last twelve years, because if I had been any other guy - and specifically, if I had been the kind of person she regularly accuses me of being - then I would have dumped her years ago already.

I haven't heard from her in a few days again already now, so I'm guessing that there's another storm brewing and that it'll hit me either tomorrow or the day after. :s

Posted by Amethyst (here)

Posted by Aragorn (here)
[Well, I was on Facebook for a while too. At first I didn't really want to register there, but several friends were sending me invites at around the same time, so I thought I'd give it a go. And for a while, I liked it. I played one of those games - Mafia Wars - and I was very active in the (Facebook-based) autism acceptance community, and at a later stage also in the Project Camelot group. But it did garner me some enemies.

Within the autism community, it was because people had befriended me simply because they saw my name in there, but without that they really knew what my position was on account of autism spectrum conditions. Many of those people were so-called "autism moms" (and a few "autism dads"), and they were attacking me because they were in denial about autism being a genetically originated condition - which I myself consider to be a neurological difference, rather than a pathological condition or "disorder" - and they were putting the blame for their child(ren)'s autism on vaccines, and they were adamant at "finding a cure". I was accused of being a shill for Big Pharma, and what have you - the truth is that I don't even support vaccinations, or at least not the industrialized variant of it. (I'll give you three guesses on account of what country most of those hostile people were from. )

I also garnered some enemies on account of my speaking up about what's going on in the world, and how evidence about extraterrestrial life and other paranormal phenomena is being suppressed. Fortunately however, all of my "Facebook enemies" were confined to Facebook. I've never had to deal with any of them "in real life".

As an aside, I'm also quite active on Usenet in discussion groups about GNU/Linux. Quite often, discussions go off-topic - actually, they do that all the time - and wander off into political or other directions. There too, I will speak my mind, whether it's about international politics or "9/11", or whatever have you. And that too will garner me some enemies. Of course, usually, that animosity will stay on Usenet, but I've already had it happen that one particular character chose to reply to me via e-mail instead, and took the opportunity to insult me. Now, when it's e-mail, then it's getting personal, so I was shocked. However, I did not reply to that guy and I put him in my killfile in my Usenet newsreader. If people can't have a civilized debate with me and choose to insult me because I'm stepping on their narcissist-nationalist toes, then I'm not going to be wasting my time arguing with them. It would be pointless anyway. (I'll give you another three guesses as to what country he was from. )

[...]

From reading that and some of your other posts here on this forum about autism, or partly about it, I am sure that you have helped some people to feel good and better about themselves . I have enjoyed reading some of your posts here, and it’s good to see the positive and beneficial sides of autism and being highly sensitive in this world, because there is stigma, misunderstandings and bullying because of people’s negative perceptions and misunderstandings about it. Because you have been torn down, you need to build yourself up again, and you do this with building self-worth, self-respect, and self-love – I understand that, I have had to do this too, and while I don’t have autism so do not really know what it’s like from experience (but do have some traits that are the same or similar), I am highly sensitive and also have felt like a “weirdo” in some ways and misunderstood, and so on with some other things.

Sometimes people do not understand the needed process of building yourself up and healing, they see it as more ego and less needed than it actually is…and may or may not even be a bit jealous, but the most important thing (to me with this) is that we know, and have at least some support from others who do understand well enough.

When it comes to sharing strong and controversial truths and opinions and theories, people can react to them strongly, things can get heated, and misunderstandings can happen, and it just goes with it sometimes. I have at times said to myself “is it worth it?”, and my feeling usually tells me no (mostly) or yes…I have made mistakes with it that I have learned something from and so am usually a bit wiser now.

But what we share and how we contribute is also is about our personality types, and our values, and our priorities, and our purposes, and we learn as we go along…

[Snippo was here ]

I think that these lies only harm (and/or block or disconnect us from somewhat) our authentic selves...

That stuff in the past leaves us with wounds needing to be healed, some of which can take many years to heal. After my (mixed up) childhood, and being severely bullied at school for years, I developed social anxiety, depression and had other issues to do with low self-esteem. I have overcome them a lot, and learned and grown from them, but at times still feel them and get effected by them and am still not fully healed (obviously, hehe). Most people don’t know what it’s been like if they haven’t been there themselves, even though some of them can empathise with some of it.

I try too, and be and do and not do, and rise up and fall, and sometimes the trying and successes and mistakes - all of it, helps us with our future development.

The thing is that I grew up in boys-only schools. Nowadays, coeducation is mandatory by law, but back in the days, Catholic schools - and my parents insisted on my going to a Catholic school - maintained a very strict gender-apartheid, or at least, on account of students, because we had teachers of either gender.

Now, in a boys-only school - and from what I've heard, this is no different in a girls-only school - there is a lot of competition going on. Alpha males trying to become the leaders of the pack. I have grown up with such a guy - he's actually precisely seven days older than me, and I've known him since kindergarten. Now, I was already being bullied because I was "different" - not that anyone knew of my autism, because I have only been officially diagnosed as such (and per my own request) in 2009 - and mainly by the older guys. There have been some nasty people in my class groups all throughout elementary school and middle school, but for most part, I could cope, and I had friends who would stand up for me if need be.

Not so anymore in high school. That alpha male whom I spoke of here-above happened to be assigned to the same class group as I myself was, and he immediately started dissing on me to make himself be the more popular guy on the block. He also immediately took residence at the back row in the classroom, which is where the troublemakers usually hang out. He was only in my class group for one year, because after that, he changed schools, given that he wanted to study in a particular direction which was not available from the school we were in, and one has to take the last two years of high school in the same direction in order to graduate. But the damage was done.

After that first year of high school, his best buddy and local loudmouth - a guy of whom in hindsight I am now convinced that he was a severe case of ADHD - took over and continued to focus the group's negative emotions on me. It wasn't necessarily my personality that ticked these guys off, rather than that they needed someone to channel their aggression onto. That, and the fact that I had very dominant parents, and that my mother was the one who chose what clothes I would wear to school - and it was her taste of clothing, not mine - which made me look extremely goofy in front of the others, made me into an easy target. For some, it was all about the fun factor of bullying someone, but there were others who genuinely hated me. Again in hindsight, some of the things said to me were nothing short of sociopathic, and some of the people whom I went to school with did indeed turn out to be genuine sociopaths later.

The bullying expressed itself in all kinds of manners. Anything from name-calling over practical jokes and pranks to outright physical violence, "just for the fun of it". It was hell, and when I left school for home, I was only moving from one hell to another. My parents actually kept on trying to domineer my life up until they both passed away. Sure, they also did good things for me, and I'm sure they loved me, but they also significantly damaged me, and they were constantly trying to manipulate me into living my life the way they wanted it. They had my life all planned out for me, and I was to walk that path "or else".

Anyway, I'm not fishing for sympathy here. I'm just trying to illustrate some of the things I wrote earlier. I have already expounded some of the stuff that went on in my family in other threads, so I'm not going to reiterate that here - it would take up way too much space and quite frankly I don't have the courage to tell the story all over again, and especially not since it would be derailing this thread. ;-)

I will however say that I was (going on) 35 when I finally took charge of my own life for the first time. I was finally free. Life is never without problems, but at least I could now finally start my healing process. And I'm still working on that now. ;-)

[Kerrigan]

Hi all,

I've been silent for a while here on Avalon, I'd like to break the silence and give my contribution to this thread.





Thanks, much love everyone, missed you all.

All is well xox

[Natalia]

Hi Kerrigan <3