How Do I End A Friendship With A Jehovah Witness?

[GloriousPoetry]

I have been friends with a woman who is a Jehovah Witness for almost 2 years now. When I befriended her I didn't know about her religion. When she told me she was a JW I tried to have an open mind and became her friend anyway. I've always thought the JW religion was bizarre but I didn't want to judge her character due to her religion.

We have gradually become good friends after 2 years however I feel I sort have reached a turning point in our friendship where I feel I don't want to deal with her emotional patterns and mind-set which I find are very much controlled by her religion.

She doesn't know my true perspective about religion and how I don't believe in an external male god. Culturally I was raised Catholic but I don't practice religion. She thinks I am Catholic and on several occasions she has brought up the issue of how she changed religions 30 years ago from being Catholic to becoming a JW. I feel she wants me to ask her why she changed religions but I know better than to go there. I know that a big part of her religion is to convert everyone who isn't a JW.

She has a good heart and is a good person but I'm having a hard time dealing with what I see in her life..... which I believe has a great deal to do with her religion.....she is so disempowered from where I stand......but somehow she must find some sort of comfort in her belief system otherwise why would she continue in this religion.

I don't want to come out of the closet and just tell her what I truly think about religion and how bizarre and disempowering I find her religion to be......I don't believe it's my place to go there.....and honestly I don't want to go there.

After much research I have discovered who Jehovah really is and how this dark entity has infiltrated himself as the synthetic male god many people worship. I don't want anything to do with this entity and when I became friends with this woman I contemplated the thought of becoming friends with someone who praises this entity and if this energy would affect my life. I thought I was exaggerating to think this but am I ?

This friend has had so many accidents in her life and is in constant pain due to chronic back injuries she has endured for years. Sometimes I wonder if all of her accidents have something to do with this dark entity she worships. Am I exaggerating to think this?...I don't want to judge my friend due to her religion but it's hard not to when I see the mind control patterns she has adopted which I find very limiting and guilt driven.

Perhaps I am also feeling a bit resentful that I can't truly be myself with this friend and that I can't share my honest feelings regarding my spiritual perspective.

Am I exaggerating? ....If I decide to end this friendship how should I proceed without coming out of the closet to this friend?

[kaon]

After a two year friendship, it appears to not be a very strong relationship. You have to ask yourself what the foundation of this friendship really is. Sorry, but it sounds more like you simply don't want the "baggage" that she brings, and her faith is a secondary issue. I could be wrong, but your short story just has me looking at that.

Regardless, if you can't be honest and speak your true feelings, you are not what I would consider good friends. I would suggest that you have a nice talk with her, be open and honest and see where it takes you. The closet can be a dark place.

[GloriousPoetry]

Kaon,

I believe I've been a very good friend to this woman and have given her some good advice however due to her religion there are certain things she won't entertain. She is highly codependent and puts her religion before anything else and when Ive shared issues concerning my life she only has scripture to offer me. Yes she has a lot of baggage but I believe a lot of it has to do with her religion. Sorry there is no way around it.....mind control.......coming out of the closet to her wouldn't make a difference.....she would think I was satan and would pray for my soul....

[Jake]

Start meditating regularly.. Then tell her about it!! JW CANNOT deal with meditation.. I stumbled accross this on accident..

I have a friend (still friends btw,) that lost his goat completely when I mentioned meditation.. Apparantly, the devil sneaks in if you meditate.. lol.. Clearing my mind, relaxing and breathing properly caused him to lose his cool.. We argued over it for about 5 minutes,, he had a blood pressure issue, and will not talk to me about religion any more...

We are not that close anymore...

I tried taking him point by point with his reading of scripture, but as you know,, independent thought is NOT welcome with JW... He had to keep coming back time and again with new answers because he had absolutely NO idea how to think for himself. He had to go to his elders for bullet points and argumentative tactics... (not for ANSWERS)

The straw that broke the camels back was his complete loss as how to deal with simple meditation.... Some sort of trigger point for JW...

This guy blew some sort of fuse in his mind.. He became violent, like he was drunk...

I suppose the best way to deal with it is open honesty... if that doesn't work, theres always meditation....

(One should be meditating anyways....) lol

Sorry for the obtuse angle..

Jake

[3(C)+me]

Posted by GloriousPoetry (here)
Kaon,

I believe I've been a very good friend to this woman and have given her some good advice however due to her religion there are certain things she won't entertain. She is highly codependent and puts her religion before anything else and when Ive shared issues concerning my life she only has scripture to offer me. Yes she has a lot of baggage but I believe a lot of it has to do with her religion. Sorry there is no way around it.....mind control.......coming out of the closet to her wouldn't make a difference.....she would think I was satan and would pray for my soul....

I think that would drive me crazy...What are your options?. What have you considered. But firstly do you still want to be in touch with her and friends?

[GloriousPoetry]

cccme,

I have already distance myself in the last 2 weeks with the excuse that I have a bad cold which is partially true but don't know what will come next. I think I would be okay dealing with her from a distance and perhaps eventually disappear from her life.
The hard part is that she now considers me her best friend which I don't want to be because down the road I know she will be persistent about converting me into her religion. I also get a weird vibe from her when I tell her about celebrating holidays like birthdays and so on......

[heretogrow]

Dear Glorious Poetry,
The best suggestion that I can give is to be very honest and sincere with her. You owe this to yourself as well. Open the conversation by telling her that you are not a believer in any one religion any longer and that you are a seeker, you tend to find your own path and that is what is right for you. If she begins to counter you with scripture simply say, thank you, but trying to sway my path to one religion does not work for me, I aim to discover my own personal connection to God. Period. You are being kind, honest and sincere. If she seems awkward about this simply tell her that you hope she can appreciate your honesty and sincerity on the subject and that it is very personal to you.

I hope this helps her to step back and not try to force you into beliefs that make you uncomfortable. If time passes and she does not simply tell her that under the circumstances you need to end the friendship.

Much Love,
Julia

[3(C)+me]

Posted by heretogrow (here)
Dear Glorious Poetry,
The best suggestion that I can give is to be very honest and sincere with her. You owe this to yourself as well. Open the conversation by telling her that you are not a believer in any one religion any longer and that you are a seeker, you tend to find your own path and that is what is right for you. If she begins to counter you with scripture simply say, thank you, but trying to sway my path to one religion does not work for me, I aim to discover my own personal connection to God. Period. You are being kind, honest and sincere. If she seems awkward about this simply tell her that you hope she can appreciate your honesty and sincerity on the subject and that it is very personal to you.

I hope this helps her to step back and not try to force you into beliefs that make you uncomfortable. If time passes and she does not simply tell her that under the circumstances you need to end the friendship.
Julia

Beautiful.well written.

[eaglespirit]

Take a quiet 'nature' walk at your favorite spot, GloriousPoetry : )
and be the best You can be for You and allow that 'friendship' to take its own higher course!

I have had a number of encounters with JW throughout my life, no close friendships though.

A few of Them drove up to a home I was working on recently, presuming I lived there and I being rather forward and 'feeling' they were about to 'deliver'... delivered first and mentioned my background and my Son's passing on and His Spirit being with me and my outlook and tremendous Changes coming forth (They said that was their message : )
The theme of my talk was Native American lore in the area and Mother Nature and Higher Source and Abundance and us being rather duped as to what life generally was and is really all about...They smiled and shook my hand and went on their way.

Maybe something like that will help Your Friendship on down the road.
All You can do is BE the Pure You and allow whatever comes of that with Her and Your Friendship to unfold, imho...letting go of any time attachment too.

The Best and Highest to You and Your Friend : )

[Realeyes]

In my past when I found myself in such quandaries, I would go into my inner stillness for a while…………… then grab a pen a paper and from an observer’s point of view, I’d begin ‘defining’ the quandary.

For example:-

Have you ever defined what a ‘friendship’ really means/is to you?


Then, one might define are they ‘close friends’ or ‘friends’ or maybe ‘acquaintances’?

Each one involves a different type of relationship and levels of openess.

Defining the type of relationship you have in this present moment is helpful.

How does it serve you both, is another good question.

What is my ‘need’ in this relationship? (deep question)

What are my expectations in a friendship?

Such questions like my examples (I am sure you will think of many of your own) will help to see the fuller picture of what you ‘have’, what you want and ‘why’. It is about being the Observer, seeing the 'stage' and the 'play' and who is who as the 'actors', and seeing it for what it really is from both sides.

Then one can arrive to choices, such as keeping it the way it is, walking away, or seeing if it can become a deeper friendship where both parties are willing to work upon it, both being truthful to themselves so BOTH CAN GROW.


We are all Travellers, and I bless the travellers I engage upon along the way whether it be for a brief moment or a lifetime or beyond into Elsewhere. Every interaction brings with it a sharing gift.

[Realeyes]

Oh, and forgot to mention, my mother in-law was a Jehovah Witness.

Lovely lady filled with grace. I broke every rule in the book with her son, we never married and had kids (obviously out of wedlock). So mother in-law never came to our house due to her religion saying it was a 'house of sin' (or whatever the excuse is).............. However, we were always welcomed at her home, she love me dearly, even when she knew I was practicing meditation and spiritual studies.................. we both agreed a long time ago that we had different spiritual paths, yet had in common both wishing a spiritual betterment for humanity - a loving compassion for all life.

Basically, we respected each other, loved each other, supported each other and allowed each other to breathe our own expressions. That is why I see her filled with grace, because I must have stretched her religious principals many times and yet she let them go. Bless her.

[Kryztian]

Forgive me if I am reading too much into what you are saying, but I find a logical contradiction between (1) your wanting to end the relationship and (2) your being in the closet about your true religious beliefs (sorry, I don't mean to point the finger and will admit I am loaded with these contradictions but don't have the courage to spill my guts on Avalon). Are you repressing your true religious feelings because your are afraid of ending the relationship? And yet doing so makes the relationship intolerable to you and you feel you have to end it?

Why not admit to your friend that you have been suppressing your true religious feelings because you know her beliefs are important to her and she is probably commanded to evangelize by her religion. Then start to tell her about your own religious path and then take it from there. If she ends the friendship, then you ended it in an honest and truthful way and she will always have it on her shoulders that she could not stand up to someone else'e truth. Or it could take your relationship to a new level. And it the conversation about religion gets too intense, you might be able to strike up an agreement to hold off on the subject.

According to Catholicism, if you under went the rites, you are still Catholic, and since you also got some religious education in the Catholic church, so you still have street cred if you say "speaking as a Catholic" (and if you want to be more honest, add the word "lapsed".) All your other beliefs do not have to be in alignment with the Vatican. Plenty of Catholics believe in reincarnation, astrology, abortion rights, gay marriage, etc. and still go to Mass all the time. So you can "speak as a Catholic" when you are criticizing the "Jehovah" concept. In Exodus 3, God tells Moses that he doesn't have a name, he's "The God of Jacob, The God of Abraham". Makes just as much sense to call him "The Source of All Being" or "The God of Love and Light". In the last few years Catholic hymn publishers have removed all references to "Yahweh" and "Jehovah" (not sure why conspiracy theorists haven't had a field day asking why this is).

Here's a rather orthodox explanation of why Catholics don't use the name "Jehovah". Is God's name Yahweh or Jehovah?

Even in my own belief, I do believe that when I pray to "God", I know I dialed the right number. If "Yahweh" or "Jehovah" are summoned, I am a little less sure. There are plenty of way to bring up your issues about "Jehovah" without quite referring to him as a dark entity. And there are lots of other reasons one can criticize the Witness's church, from a Catholic or other perspective.

Good Luck to you, whatever your decide.

[Flash]

I told those at my door that i was a devout muslim My daughter could not believe it. One of my friend answered her door almost naked, they cannot handle this either.

With a friend of mine, reborn Jesus Christ dependent , I plainly took an agreement with her: she can pray for me, if she wishes, and me for her, she can tell me what she lives and feel, and reciprocally, but she cannot judge me and vice versa, for whatever happens in our lifes, and she will never try to convert me even if her Church demands such thing. We both held tight to these agreements and have pleasant talks. But i see her only once every 2 months, so it is quite bearable.

On the other hand, as a 20 years old told my 18 years old daughter who was telling him that she helped desperately needy people (bums and **** ed ups of all kinds) by giving them time and energy, his automatic answer was : so you lost your time and energy giving it to those who won't use it for the good. When she told me that conversation, I laughed - because it is in parts true.

We can see it as stones thrown in the water hoping the ripples will reach the shore, but it may not, we have to be detached from the results, a giving friendship with no expectations of growth.

[GloriousPoetry]

Kryztian,
The reason I am in the closet about my true spiritual perspective with this friend is because of her religion. I don't have issues about coming out with other people who don't hold religion so close to their identity. I am not a practicing Catholic because I don't believe in an external male god......as a matter of fact I don't believe in any organized religion. And yes Jehovah is a dark entity.....there is much research in this area....read the book The Gods of Eden by William Bramley and the book Our Universal Journey by George Kavassilas. I have had my own personal spiritual awakenings that have nothing to do with an external male god......

If you understand Mexican culture you would understand that some of us tolerate Catholicism as a cultural identity but not as a means to spiritually grow......

[Jayren]

I have grandma who is a Jehovah witness, I understand how it can be to know that the thing they worship gives there power away to some degree, but I love her with all my heart she always tells me how JehovJ could use me or she tells me do I know some of the answer to life's big questions such as life after death, when she ask me this of course I'm going to tell her what I really think and k ow about it I actually do like to engage in conversation about whay she think she knows to what I know I know about the way they answer life's questions. She seems to be listening well when I share but she only believes what she think she knows she does understand how my thoughts relate to hers but I tell her that I think of the one true god as Prime Creator and she sometimes ask me where I get my info from and I say the internet but I never have told her some of my personal experiences that were spiritual to me like spiritual awe moments or experiences I call them. I do believe you could talk to her somehow get a conversation going and once she tried to get your thoughts about what you should do just go along with what you actually know and kind of slip it in a way that its recognizable to her you know?

[lightwalker]

I would just ask myself this question...Is this relationship healthy for me ? And in the answer you will figure out what you need to do.

I have 4 siblings that are fundamentalist Christians. They do not evangilize to me anymore. In the beginning they were so excited to share their new found peace and I just did what I call "spiritual ti chi". I accepted who they were and allowed them to judge me (which was ok because I knew they were praying real hard for me). Because I never reacted it kind of confused them in the beginning and maybe they still don't know what to do with me but the love is still strong and they have come to accept me. More because I never tried to defend or explain my personal and very deep beliefs. I just kind of "stopped the bullets" like Neo did in the Matrix and engaged in no conflict.

She is a gift to you in that you have a conflict to resolve inside of you and when you do, you may continue to be friends or not.

lightwalker

[GloriousPoetry]

Thank you lightwalker,

Yes you are right about not engaging in a conflict.....that's why I never bring up the issue of religion with her. I suppose what I find difficult is her docile ways and how she is always being used by other people and then she comes to me for answers. I try to listen to her but I find that her religion keeps her in this certain level of not standing up for herself. The only time I have seen her defensive and strong is when she talks about her religion. I never ask her questions about her religion because I don't want to hear her get into it and start preaching to me. You are right I have to resolve this conflict inside of me and make a decision.

[raregem]

Hi GP-

Thank you for this thought provoking subject.
Seems simple enough to rectify yet, in todays world, the confusion is thorough from TPTW.

First question I wonder is, "What is a FRIEND"?

I see a friend as someone I can be open and honest with regardless of our differences. Someone who honors the differences -not judges them.

Discussions may be filled with passionate energy to our personal beliefs yet we respect this, think about it, question it, then accept (respectfully) what our friend has just shared -as their truth

I have been told I was going to hell etc... and I accept their outlook as THEIR OUTLOOK and respect this with a loving heart and hopefully non-judgment.
I have been listened to regarding my non religious outlook. Just not accepted. That's fine.
I tried using the idea of prayer in lieu of the word meditation. Adding the idea of stilling the mind instead of talking to your god, listen for the answer instead of asking for any one thing. It never went far. The idea of going within to expand was foreign and difficult for my religious friends.

My next question for you is, "what do you get from/out of this relationship 2 years into it"? " "Why have you felt compelled to explore this relationship when you have been in hiding the entire time"?

I add these thoughts for you with a loving heart and pure healing intention!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Non judgment, too. raregem

[Innocent Warrior]

I think you might be onto something with the entity, Jehovah and the effects of praising it. I have let go of one of my dearest friends because of this religion, the energy was too dark and it fogged her mind, even towards me.

Her husband's family is JW. Her husband had two brothers, both committed suicide as young men.

His elder brother was found in his apartment, on the other side of his locked front door, deceased with his arm stretched out towards the door. He had apparently cut his phone connection, taken a lot of amphetamines and drank a lot of alcohol and died. His apartment was a mess, blood everywhere. A very violent and creepy death that never made sense to me.

His younger brother, a few years later, jumped off a high bridge to his death. His girlfriend had broken up with him and he went to the bridge that morning. He was standing on the bridge, working up the courage to jump and people were driving past, encouraging him to jump. The police arrived and managed to snatch him from the rail of the bridge after they said his girlfriend was on the phone and held it out for him to talk to her. He was taken to the psychiatry ward but managed to convince them he was ok and they drove him to his home that afternoon. When they left, he called a cab and when they were on the same bridge, he dropped his wallet out the window and asked the cabbie to stop. As soon as the cab stopped, he ran towards the rail, climbed it and leaped off straight away.

So then the final brother (my friend's husband) went into this deep depression and in that time got baptised. He became terribly abusive to my friend, almost killed her one night. He dragged her through the house so violently that her hair was damaged, it has thinned and gone frizzy. He became a very violent person and even though I never felt too comfortable around him, he became someone I just didn't want to be around. I tried to convince her to leave him but she's convinced he will kill himself if she does. The truth is, he probably would. The talk about his choices not being her responsibility fell on deaf ears.

My friend knew me before her life was so heavily influenced by JW, so it wasn't so difficult to fall away. She knew my beliefs and so all I had to do is stop reaching out to her and our friendship ended, because I am not JW, I was not a good influence in her husband's eyes anyway. To end the friendship, honesty is the best way, but it doesn't have to be about her religion, you can make it more about who you are and your beliefs. If you express your beliefs more, in her company, she is likely to end the friendship herself.

[Hawkwind]

Sorry, but if the real reason you want to end the relationship is your feelings about your friend's religion, then telling her anything other than that is on one level or another being intentionally deceitful, (which to me does not seem an appropriate course of action).