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Thread: Do People Change after Getting Married...?

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    Australia Avalon Member
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    Default Re: Do People Change after Getting Married...?

    Perhaps you could learn to like the family of your friend. You will never recapture the joy of the former friendship as that relates to the joy of youth, and being young and carefree. Try to understand that the friend has now another level to his/her relationships, one which is mature as well as caring. He/she has a family, and all that means-- a spouse whom they love dearly, and children, whom they love deeply and forever. And yes, your relationship has changed, but it hasn't stopped. You can enhance your own relationship by getting to know the people this friend loves so deeply, possibly more than they loved you. Extend your friendship to the whole family, and be happy for your friend. He/she seems to have grown up and found a happy, loving fulfilment. Maybe you can be included in it.

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    United States Avalon Member ZooLife's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do People Change after Getting Married...?

    Quote Posted by ulli (here)
    Part of the process of personal growth is an opening up to larger and larger groups...
    Like ripples on a pond, forming larger circles.
    Family is the next level or stage after marriage. Then there are the in-laws, and with that an inclusion of community, and bloodlines not one's own...and after that cultural and national identification and in the end the ability to see all humans, regardless of race or culture, as part of one's family.
    Why stop there? What about animals, plants, and.....

    Whoops, probably shouldn't kill and eat our family.



    Last edited by ZooLife; 8th March 2015 at 23:43.
    I still have eyes to see what the world would have me see but that doesn't mean I believe. - Sara

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    Avalon Member lucidity's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do People Change after Getting Married...?

    Quote Posted by mpennery (here)
    Life is change. Change and adapt or become static and stale. People change with age. Everyone is different, though. I am not the same person I was when I was young and thank goodness. I cringe when I think of things I said and did back then. People change when they get married because priorities and interests change. Have kids and then your priorities and interests change even more! People change with study, awareness and experience. I have left behind family and friends that didn't grow and change and become aware. It was not easy. It is difficult for me to be around people stuck in old habits and old thinking. My own father can't understand why I don't drop everything to go have drinks, watch a game or hang with his buddies with him like I did when I was younger. He can't understand why I love to spend my time with my family. He criticizes and guilt trips me frequently for the time I spend with them. He doesn't understand because his thing was never family time and he never understood the joy of that change, he cheated on every woman he was ever with, wasn't a good father and everything was always about him, and he has not grown and developed for decades because he's stuck in his own old, static ways and refuses to change. Maybe too much information and obviously not your situation but perhaps there is something of value in this story?

    I worry about my little brother, too, because he believes every bit of mainstream propaganda and is about to have his first child and is completely clueless. He was always one to criticize his friends as they were marrying, having kids and not seeing him as much so it will be interesting to see if he finally realizes what great change takes place as you become a father and have a family.

    Perhaps your family really are being unreasonable (some people are overly consumed with their own inner circle) but my humble suggestion would be to find a way to find common ground with your changing family members if you want to continue enjoying their company and do not want to be left behind. I'm sure you still have common interests if you're willing to try. Or perhaps try their interests and see what their fuss is all about.

    One last thing. When you said they seem to only care about themselves that struck a thought with me. Again, I don't know you or these folks but I would bet some people might say the same about my family because we are so close and sooooo different from most other people. We kind of circle the wagons around ourselves for protection. I would explain more but I'm already rambling but maybe they are doing something similar?

    Matt
    That was excellent Matt :-)

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    Ireland Avalon Member gnostic9's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do People Change after Getting Married...?

    [QUOTE=Flash;940737]
    Quote Posted by ghostrider (here)
    it's called priorities ... family will come first ...
    Yes, having children mostly will change you enormously. More than having a spouse. I had my first child late in life, (a last call mom, truly last call) and I thought I had a good idea of what it means and what it entails. I had seen so many of my friends and family with their children. Sometimes i would even pass comments on ways to raise them you see, I had a degree in psychology lol.

    When I had my daughter, I thought "Oh my, this is sooooooo different, it is sooooooo time consuming, and sooooooo much responsibities, and sooooooooooooooo much opening of the heart".

    In fact, I was completely transformed by the event. And really not much time for anything else, still less time if you are a working mother, over and above.

    Then I thought of all those times I thought I knew and even gave advice and my last thinking about it was "Oh my, was I out of it and Oh my, was I arrogant"!!!

    Have a good day everyone, I have to go prepare lunch for my now 18 years old one and her boyfriend - but this time out of love and fun.

    Hey Nat=Lee. Thank you so much for you. an inspiration to many. long may you be many, All is Love!

    ----------

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    Ireland Avalon Member gnostic9's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do People Change after Getting Married...?

    Quote Posted by Flash (here)
    Quote Posted by ghostrider (here)
    it's called priorities ... family will come first ...
    Yes, having children mostly will change you enormously. More than having a spouse. I had my first child late in life, (a last call mom, truly last call) and I thought I had a good idea of what it means and what it entails. I had seen so many of my friends and family with their children. Sometimes i would even pass comments on ways to raise them you see, I had a degree in psychology lol.

    When I had my daughter, I thought "Oh my, this is sooooooo different, it is sooooooo time consuming, and sooooooo much responsibities, and sooooooooooooooo much opening of the heart".

    In fact, I was completely transformed by the event. And really not much time for anything else, still less time if you are a working mother, over and above.

    Then I thought of all those times I thought I knew and even gave advice and my last thinking about it was "Oh my, was I out of it and Oh my, was I arrogant"!!!

    Have a good day everyone, I have to go prepare lunch for my now 18 years old one and her boyfriend - but this time out of love and fun.

    ----------

    By they way, getting married or having children is not, in my view, getting what you want. In my views it is getting to learn HOW TO love, and it is hard work, sometimes pleasant sometimes not, but most of the time fulfilling overall.
    Hello Flash. I am really sorry for hurting anyone, I am just an averge idiot in the swarm thay exists!

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    Default Re: Do People Change after Getting Married...?

    Big time, because expectations and projections from all over re-shape/re-define who you are, how you're supposed to behave and fit, and buy into the pre-created way society runs.

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