Cutting/ Self-harm

[AngelEyes]

hello all....been a little bit since I joined and posted last....been going through a really dark spot and I feel worthless and not even feeling like I am a starseed... I have so much negativity inside me its unbearable. what works for me is cutting myself :'(. I know that sounds horrible but when I get upset I grab a knife and start cutting lines straight down from my wrist down my forearm...

last night was bad and my left arm is pretty sore this morning. :'(. I dont know why its so hard for me to let go and focus on being happy. voices in my head telling me I am not good enough that I am fat and ugly and no one wants me. that my husband doesnt love me. I dont know...sorry for this post. Just trying to reach out to anyone to see if they go through the same thing or not?!

[samildamach]

Hi angeleyes
I can only talk from the other side of the coin .my partner is bipolar and on occasion self harming.what works during these dark periods is pulling away from the trauma of the larger world .ie switch of the t.v and the negative influence ditch the magazine's and anything else which portrays the perfect body life e.t.c.switch h onto positive messages try some u tube visions with positive messages.and remember those people closest to u love u .truly I hope this helps even if just a little

[betoobig]

Wellcome to Avalon Angeleyes. Congratulations for speaking it out and thanks for sharing, that´s a great start for your recovery. You are in a dark moment but light can go in, allways, and it is starting to come in. Try ti find what trigers that anxety and accept it. Meditation is allways helpfull. Also notice is not you who cuts your body. Accept some loving energies coming your way.
Much Love

[Apulu]

Well done for sharing AngelEyes. To my mind, you're already well on your way to coming out the other side of this dark spot - no matter what the time-frame might be. You've recognised there's a problem, and you're taking action to find solutions.

I've been around a few different people who have a tendency to self harm, and whilst it seems a bit frightening and negative, it also seems a natural and understandable response - a way of externalising internal pain and conflict, so that it feels manageable.

Difficult times like these seem a bit like an immune response to me - it's our mental/emotional make up signalling that some of our current modes of beliefs and behaviors, in whatever respects, are outdated, and in need of transgression, in order to move forward. There's no going back - the only way through is to change your beliefs somehow - you just have to figure out what your emotional responses are asking you to change. Simple! (Ha ha).

Ask the universe, and be willing to act on what comes back - it might not be in any area you had so far considered. Real, positive change takes huge courage and determination - but you can do it - and part of you knows it.

Love to you

[Orph]

Although you are feeling the negative energies, the feelings (negative energies) aren't you. Don't get me wrong, the feelings are, obviously, very real. But they aren't you. I would hope that you stop doing physical harm to yourself. And then learn how to stop doing emotional harm to yourself too. That is, stop thinking that you are unworthy and stuff.

This isn't an easy thing to overcome. Not at all. But you have to start somewhere. So start by loving yourself. Just quietly tell yourself that you are worthy. There is a tremendous amount of love in your heart. I know this because you wouldn't be able to feel all this bad stuff if the love wasn't there as well. So feel the love and understand that it's your love. so love yourself. Feel your own love for yourself. All the love and acceptance that you need and want to feel has to come from the inner you anyway. You have to open up to your own inner self.

Next, be open to all the love you can feel from the people here.

[Pam]

AngelEyes, I do understand what you are saying. In the past, I have done the same thing. For me, it was a way to physically manifest the extreme psychic pain that I was dealing with. I guess it allowed me to change my point of focus from psychic pain to physical pain. What I discovered was that a lot of the psychic pain I was experiencing was happening because I refused to accept the here and now. I slowly learned to practice accepting people, places and things that I couldn't change. The more I am able to do this, the less pychic pain and depression I experience.

You can PM me any time if you like. I will always make myself available if you would like someone to listen to you. I am a very good listener.

With love and understanding,
Pam

[RunningDeer]

Hello AngelEyes,

This thread may help loosen the grip of the internal dialogue that keeps you going round and round. If you’re short on time jump down to the video on post #3. There’s also a loose transcript for a quick read.

Much Love,
RunningDeer ♡

[Robin]

Hello AngelEyes.

You posting your emotional turmoil is testament to the strength you possess, and I comend you for reaching out. May I suggest that you feeling worthless is a product of being a starseed, rather than a failing mission? Those of us who incarnate down here feel so distraught simply because we are not used to such a low energy and destructive way-of-living. It is a shock to our system that gets worse when our creativity is suppressed by society and our ideas are shot down.

You are not alone. Paula's thread is a treasure trove of great information...as well as compassionate energy. I was stuck in a pit of despair for a long time due to depression, but I found the power to overcome it. I do still climb the ladder into the pit now and then, but when I have enough sulking, I climb back up the ladder to see daylight when I'm ready.

I've outlined some of my experiences on this thread. Do not hesitate to PM me. I would be more than happy to share things that have worked for me.

Remember...tomorrow has the potential to be a better day. I promise.

[Bill Ryan]

I'm bumping this important thread, and plea for help. I feel I have little of substance to offer myself, as I just don't understand this phenomenon very well.

But I know it's very real. My thanks to anyone who's able to offer AngelEyes any support, advice, or wise words of any kind... she's a fairly new member, and we welcome her here where kindred spirits may abound. It can be pretty lonely out there sometimes. Here, we intend, not so.

[greybeard]

Angel Eyes
I think it is important to get professional help and there are possibly self help groups in your area which you could get directed to.
Talking to others with similar feelings is important.

Having been through--nobody loves or understands me, to the point of being suicidal. I am well aware of the help a group can give.
In my case it was AA and that saved my life and turned it around.

Sharing here is a good start but you possibly need to be with others who have been through self harming and come out the other side.

Much love
Chris

[Bubu]

Posted by AngelEyes (here)
I feel worthless and not even feeling like I am a starseed... !

I used to believe that Im a starseed something very especial and my life is a hell now Im a nobody but the good thing is that I do not have to prove anything and life is a lot better.

[Constance]

Hello AngelEyes,

Hang in there. I have tuned into your energies now and I am doing continuous Ho'oponopono for you.

For anyone else who knows about Ho'oponopono and its amazing healing energies and would like to join me in this effort, all you have to do is tune into the energy around AngelEyes photo on her profile. I trust that this will be okay with you AngelEyes?

In the meantime, please feel free to PM me AngelEyes because I may be able to help you.

with much love,

Breal

EDIT: I should have added earlier that I have worked with many in the past who have suffered and I offer my unconditional love and support any time you should need me.

[Bubu]

There is quite a number of biggest scam in the history of humanity but the "ego" scam takes the cake. This is the worst implant one can have remove it and you'll be fine. Be in a place and people of positive energy.

[Bill Ryan]

Posted by Bubu (here)

Posted by AngelEyes (here)
I feel worthless and not even feeling like I am a starseed... !

I used to believe that Im a starseed something very especial and my life is a hell now Im a nobody

Well, you may have been right first time.

Really. And AngelEyes, too. Many starseeds have a VERY hard time arriving on Planet Earth. It can feel cruel, bewildering, lonely, and there often seems to be no manual or help desk.

[Rollo]

In my teens I remember seeing some older guys and girls doing this in my neighborhood.
They were most of the time staying on the street and causing troubles.
At the time I thought it was their way to show how strong they are.
It was probably their expression of being together and instead of doing tattoos like gang members from US
and other countries they harmed themselves.

This as well was strongly connected with criminal activities, drugs, alcohol, violence, etc.
Cultural aspect of this group, tradition that was maybe first seen in the prison and come out to the street.

This would be other instance of self-harm but still in my opinion related to emotional pain and unhappiness
maybe going back as far as childhood.

[greybeard]

I think any form of self harm is an attempt to escape from a feeling of not being loved-appreciated or similar thought emotion.

While this can be seen to be ego based this requires some understanding of what ego is before this can be accepted and applied.
When I was recovering from my affliction the last thing that would have been understood or taken on board was that my form of self harm (alcoholism)
was down to ego. I would have thought it was lack of ego which I confused with self worth.

With love
Chris

[Skyhaven]

Hi AngelEyes,

I have been in a lot of dark spots myself, remember that this too shall pass. Try to get out in nature if you can, breath deep, give your thoughts space, even if they are negative, just let them pass by, they are not you.

When you're feeling a bit better try to find the source of your negativity. Is it something in your direct environment that bothers you? Or is something deeper that seems to come from the (far) past? It can be hard to figure out what is the source of this I know, but just looking/asking for a solution like you are doing now is enough to get your sub-conscious and the rest of the universe going.



Daniel

[Constance]

From what I am aware of, there can be any untold number of reasons for self-harm.

Anything can cause anything.

If we take a look at this wholistically, there are 12 aspects relating to our health and well-being that need to be addressed.

For example; the spiritual, the physical, the chemical, the biological, the mental and emotional, the dietary/nutritional, the biochemical, the neurological, the bioenergetic, the sociological, the environmental and the material.

Each aspect can affect every other aspect. This is where I find that you can't generalise about any one thing because it may be something related to something else.
A very pertinent example of this was one day when during a lunch break from a workshop, one of the attendees was gasping for air and could barely breathe. They were fine before they went on the break.
I know that what I am about to say next may sound incredibly far out and woo-woo but I just want to illustrate something here that could seem so completely irrelevant but was incredibly important in the end result so just bear with me on this one.
The attendee was asked what they had for lunch. We quickly established that they had fish for lunch.
When fish are caught in nets, they are tossed onto the ship and lay on the deck of a ship, gasping their last breaths as they suffocate.
Someone else may have readily dismissed the fish as a reason for that attendee gasping for air but once the correct diagnosis had been made and was treated, they recovered incredibly quickly.
It was the energetic signature of the dying fish and then the eating of it (the dietary aspect) that had then affected the spiritual aspect which had then in turn affected the biochemical aspect which in turn had affected the physical aspect.

Pinpointing and addressing the exact cause can readily bring a person back into balance.

[Ron Mauer Sr]

Hi AngelEyes,

I agree with Bill about you possibly being a starseed. That was your first thought.

When one has potential to make a significant contribution to the drama here and help with positive change, one can be targeted by negative energies who want to maintain things the way they are. I cannot say if you have been targeted, just that it is a possibility for anyone who wants to support freedom, well being, joy, love and truth.

We are all extensions of Source energy, the energy that creates worlds. Sometimes our biggest task is to use that energy wisely and not follow the programming we have all experienced that would have us give our power away to something else.

Finding ways to love oneself can be really helpful. When one loves self, one is not as dependent on others to demonstrate love and appreciation (although that is really nice).

When one does not love oneself, one cannot believe that anyone else can either. One begins to believe that posive energy from "the other" is not possible. One sees all positive energy from "the other" to be only manipulative.

When a negative thought pops into my head, I reach for another thought that is more positive. It is usually not a big step, but a small one. There is always something that I can appreciate.

When you walk past a mirror, say to the person in the mirror "I love you." Do it often.

When you think you are ready, take off all your clothes, stand in front of a full length mirror and shout "Baby I love you!". When you can do this with laughter you are well on your way.

Affirmations can also help. Sometimes when I feel something negative nearby, I use the affirmations:
"I am love."
"I am sovereign."

[sarah22]

Hey,
I have been there. It's very hard to describe to other people the feeling of "coming together" that cutting can sometimes provide. When it's this awful, cutting can be the only thing that makes you feel ok. Yes, I get it (!!), you have my total sympathy. You are obviously very strong to be reaching out and it's good that you did. Cutters are very strong people and almost across the board, we are survivors. So hang in there until you can find a therapist you like and trust, and you will get through this.

I know you probably don't feel like doing anything, but here are some things that helped me in case they might appeal. Most importantly, find things that appeal to you, those are always much better than what someone else recommends anyway.

1.) going outside, even if it means driving down a pretty road for a hour, changing the scenery for a bit, getting out of the house has often helped me when I felt like I couldn't get the negative self talk to stop or like the anxiety was going to make me explode.

2.) watching a favorite movie without expecting it to make me feel better. I know that sounds odd, but if I kind of demanded that this movie make-me-feel-better-right-now-damit!!, it rarely did. But when I have been in those severly depressed places when I could barely move and I said to myself, " ok, I will watch this movie/tv show without any expectation that it will make me feel better but I will just watch it and see what happens." When I did that, it always helped, even if it was just a tiny bit.

3.) Sleep- everyone tells you that it is not good to sleep too much but if it's the only thing that gives you relief, go for it. Even a twenty-minute nap has helped me at times.

4.) Acupuncture can also give some short term relief. Google "community acupuncture" or "sliding scale acupuncture" if money is tight.

5.) I am sure you know this but find a therapist you like. Even if you only talk to her or him for one session. Talking to a good therapist is what eventually helped me the most. It is so easy to cut too deep and as you know, this is serious.

6.) Call a hotline. No one likes to do it, but it can really can help when you need it. http://www.selfinjury.com/# 1-800-366-8288 or 1 (800) 273-8255.

The following article is also pretty good, esp. the part about feelings but if it doesn't appeal, then let it go. And you most likely know it all anyway. http://www.helpguide.org/articles/an...-self-harm.htm

You really have my sympathy for what you are going through right now. Hang in there, you will get through this. Lots of love, S