+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 16 of 16

Thread: Hold Hands, Make Faces, and Laugh!

  1. Link to Post #1
    United States Avalon Member Joe Sustaire's Avatar
    Join Date
    26th July 2014
    Location
    Shipwrecked in the Sea of Plenty, surrounded by the unknowing.
    Age
    73
    Posts
    133
    Thanks
    1,256
    Thanked 1,076 times in 131 posts

    Default Hold Hands, Make Faces, and Laugh!

    Well this is just a little sampler of my wife, Patty's, ability to express her love in the last couple of years of her life. I talked about her some in the Alzheimers thread here on PA, and wanted to share a bit more now that she has moved on.

    The title of this thread comes from a song I wrote on a very hard day when I was hurting and feeling sorry for myself about the loss I was feeling from Patty's illness. Which would have been a pretty sad and sorry song in itself until I realized that "You know in truth, some days aren't so bad, when we hold hands, make faces and laugh. Then for a while everything is all right."

    As her speech skills deteriorated she used hand holding, kisses, winking, and funny faces to communicate. So we spent many a day acting goofy, holding hands, making faces and laughing.

    She was almost always in a good mood. And the most amazing thing was her capacity for love and joy in life. Even in the last couple of years when she had lost so much, the ability to walk, total incontenance, couldn't raise herself out of bed on her own, and couldn't tell you my name or Steve's (our son). She maintained her joy in simple things, blue sky, holding hands, kisses, making faces, etc., and continued to be able to "beam" love right into you.

    Much of the time her speech was next to impossible to understand as well, but sometimes she would just speak out clear as a bell. In her "sleepy" times you could tell that she often had good dreams. The smiles would break thru, or she would wake up telling me something, unintelligible and then just break out laughing. Just a couple of weeks ago she was dozing in her recliner, I was holding her hand, and she came to, beamed at me, and very clearly said.... "remember?" I said yes, it was great and she said "yeah", just beaming love and joy at the memory she was having.

    So yes, it's been very good indeed! And thankfully Steve was just here for about a month and went to see her everyday and stayed with her until she went to bed at night, having fun and soaking up the love. He took her "off-roading" in her wheelchair, said they came back in trailing mud and grass. He took her shoes and socks off and let her feel the ground and grass with her feet, and she loved it.

    I have been very blessed by having Patty's love in my life for such a long time, 44 years all told.

    Thanks my friends for all the warm thoughts! You are my family and it means a lot having your support. And as I learned from Patty, love is what it's all about!
    Last edited by Joe Sustaire; 19th November 2015 at 04:05.

  2. The Following 64 Users Say Thank You to Joe Sustaire For This Post:

    1inMany (23rd November 2015), Adi (21st November 2015), araucaria (19th November 2015), avid (19th November 2015), Baby Steps (15th November 2016), betoobig (19th November 2015), Bill Ryan (19th November 2015), Billy (19th November 2015), Calz (19th November 2015), Constance (19th November 2015), Debra (20th November 2015), DeDukshyn (17th November 2016), Dennis Leahy (23rd November 2015), edina (19th November 2015), ErtheVessel (19th November 2015), fourty-two (19th November 2015), giovonni (19th November 2015), GoingOn (19th November 2015), Hym (19th November 2015), Ivanhoe (19th November 2015), Jake (19th November 2015), Jantje (19th November 2015), Jean-Marie (19th November 2015), Jhonie (19th November 2015), JRS (19th November 2015), kanishk (21st November 2015), Kate (27th November 2015), lake (23rd November 2015), Lettherebelight (19th November 2015), Limor Wolf (19th November 2015), lisalu (19th November 2015), Loveisall21 (19th November 2015), markoid (15th November 2016), meeradas (19th November 2015), Meggings (19th November 2015), Mercedes (19th November 2015), mgray (19th November 2015), moekatz (19th November 2015), Muzz (19th November 2015), Noir (22nd November 2015), Orph (22nd November 2015), Pam (23rd November 2015), penn (20th November 2015), Puffin (19th November 2015), quiltinggrandma (19th November 2015), raregem (19th November 2015), Rich (17th November 2016), Richard S. (21st November 2015), RunningDeer (19th November 2015), sandy (15th November 2016), Shannon (19th November 2015), Sierra (23rd November 2015), sleepydumpling (19th November 2015), Spirithorse (19th November 2015), Star Tsar (22nd November 2015), Stephanie (19th November 2015), sunflower (19th November 2015), thunder24 (19th November 2015), toppy (19th November 2015), transiten (19th November 2015), ulli (23rd November 2015), Verdilac (7th April 2016), Violet (21st November 2015), Zampano (19th November 2015)

  3. Link to Post #2
    UK Avalon Founder Bill Ryan's Avatar
    Join Date
    7th February 2010
    Location
    Ecuador
    Posts
    34,268
    Thanks
    208,939
    Thanked 457,517 times in 32,788 posts

    Default Re: Hold Hands, Make Faces, and Laugh!

    .
    Standing with you, Joe — bless you and Patty both. 44 years is a lot of time together.

    You knew each other before... and you'll most absolutely, certainly meet again.


  4. The Following 32 Users Say Thank You to Bill Ryan For This Post:

    1inMany (23rd November 2015), betoobig (19th November 2015), Billy (19th November 2015), Calz (19th November 2015), Debra (20th November 2015), Dennis Leahy (23rd November 2015), fourty-two (19th November 2015), giovonni (19th November 2015), GoingOn (19th November 2015), Hym (19th November 2015), Jake (19th November 2015), Jantje (19th November 2015), Jean-Marie (19th November 2015), Joe Sustaire (19th November 2015), kanishk (21st November 2015), Lettherebelight (19th November 2015), Limor Wolf (19th November 2015), Loveisall21 (19th November 2015), Meggings (19th November 2015), Mercedes (19th November 2015), mgray (19th November 2015), moekatz (19th November 2015), penn (20th November 2015), quiltinggrandma (19th November 2015), raregem (19th November 2015), RunningDeer (19th November 2015), sandy (15th November 2016), Sierra (23rd November 2015), Stephanie (19th November 2015), transiten (19th November 2015), ulli (23rd November 2015), Verdilac (7th April 2016)

  5. Link to Post #3
    Avalon Member Hym's Avatar
    Join Date
    27th June 2011
    Location
    Eastern Pacific
    Posts
    937
    Thanks
    28,538
    Thanked 7,033 times in 910 posts

    Default Re: Hold Hands, Make Faces, and Laugh!

    Thanks Joe....for sharing. Patty's focus on breaking thru to you and your son with so much fun and laughter shows us a lot about the great depth of her loving character. What a blessing!

    Takes me to the time 5 years ago when I stayed in the hospital with my son's mother before she left. We had been divorced for 10 years by this time and i had sole custody of our son here, many miles and many thoughts away. I had sent my son out there by train a week before i followed him to pick up those things she left him, which included most of her ashes. He even met the man who was her swimming coach on the train, which was healing for him.
    (Love and healing will even meet you on a train, a bus, a street, a plane if you only allow it the opportunity to greet you.)

    During the 2nd of the 3 days i stayed with her, massaging her edema away, feeding her good food, sleeping in a chair near her bed, even changing her dirtied bedding and putting a creme on her for the rash (sorry for the detail, but it's the reality that loved ones do for each other) with the nurses, she suddenly looked at me with a big smile and said, "Come here."

    She reached over and took my face to her and we kissed. We kissed as we did years ago when we were married and there was peace and passion still.....She smiled again and said "Mmmmm". This is what I remember, along with the song she sent 4 days after she left her body behind.

    Alone in the kitchen, it was as clear as someone standing right next to me, turning on a radio...The song was "Babe" from Styx. I had to look up the lyrics, as all i heard was the beginning of the song and only the instrumentation of the rest. If i ever need a reminder of how powerful love is, beyond the confines, I listen to the song. I knew it was her and that her journey continued on, on to where our young son called her new training....

    Now, after 5 years apart my son has re-connected with his grandmother, who is living her last years with the ever-increasing fog of alzheimers as her lone companion. It is such a good thing for the both of them, as she had pulled the plug and had his mother's funeral without telling him, which was a very cruel thing to do. Since it was his grandmother who reached out, he took it as her way of making amends.

    I have taught my son that it is not what people do to you out of their nature that counts. It is what you would do for yourself if you were so lost in the darkness, and the lady has been a very dark soul over the years. His forgiveness is a mark of great growth in him, as he had held her contempt for us both as the reason for not even talking about her or with her. His emotional strength and maturity surely broke thru that barrier of anger from her. Maybe the alzheimers erased enough of that darkness to let his love in.

    Now, as she enters into the new experience of whatever self-judgement will bring at the end, i know that he will not be a part of any condemnation in her memory, nor will i. If the funds are made available i will send him back to help her spread her daughter's ashes in the ocean, just as we did over many beaches and as he now carries a little to spread with him each time he travels, but i won't let her know that i had any part in it, as we may never speak in this life again, which is her choice, not mine.

    Thank You Joe. This gives me a new perspective on those I may meet who also have this loss of memories, but not ever of the love that is life itself.

    Blessings Abound....Always...in countless ways...
    Last edited by Hym; 19th November 2015 at 15:57.

  6. The Following 28 Users Say Thank You to Hym For This Post:

    1inMany (23rd November 2015), avid (19th November 2015), betoobig (19th November 2015), Billy (19th November 2015), Debra (20th November 2015), Dennis Leahy (23rd November 2015), Fairy Friend (23rd November 2015), GoingOn (19th November 2015), Jake (19th November 2015), Jantje (19th November 2015), Jean-Marie (19th November 2015), Joe Sustaire (19th November 2015), Lettherebelight (19th November 2015), Limor Wolf (19th November 2015), lisalu (19th November 2015), Loveisall21 (19th November 2015), Meggings (19th November 2015), Mercedes (19th November 2015), Orph (22nd November 2015), Pam (23rd November 2015), penn (20th November 2015), quiltinggrandma (19th November 2015), raregem (19th November 2015), RunningDeer (19th November 2015), sandy (15th November 2016), Sierra (23rd November 2015), Stephanie (19th November 2015), transiten (19th November 2015)

  7. Link to Post #4
    Netherlands Avalon Member Jantje's Avatar
    Join Date
    15th April 2015
    Age
    40
    Posts
    191
    Thanks
    2,118
    Thanked 1,279 times in 181 posts

    Default Re: Hold Hands, Make Faces, and Laugh!

    I chocked up reading your story. sad but so beatiful at the same time. thanks for sharing

  8. The Following 15 Users Say Thank You to Jantje For This Post:

    betoobig (19th November 2015), Dennis Leahy (23rd November 2015), Hym (19th November 2015), Jean-Marie (19th November 2015), Joe Sustaire (19th November 2015), Meggings (19th November 2015), Mercedes (19th November 2015), Pam (23rd November 2015), penn (20th November 2015), raregem (19th November 2015), RunningDeer (19th November 2015), sandy (15th November 2016), Sierra (23rd November 2015), transiten (19th November 2015), Verdilac (7th April 2016)

  9. Link to Post #5
    Sweden Avalon Member transiten's Avatar
    Join Date
    6th June 2011
    Posts
    1,760
    Thanks
    7,373
    Thanked 10,075 times in 1,638 posts

    Default Re: Hold Hands, Make Faces, and Laugh!


  10. The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to transiten For This Post:

    betoobig (19th November 2015), Dennis Leahy (23rd November 2015), Hym (19th November 2015), Jantje (19th November 2015), Jean-Marie (19th November 2015), Joe Sustaire (19th November 2015), Pam (23rd November 2015), raregem (19th November 2015), RunningDeer (19th November 2015), sandy (15th November 2016), Sierra (23rd November 2015)

  11. Link to Post #6
    Spain Avalon Member betoobig's Avatar
    Join Date
    13th May 2014
    Location
    Burgos, Spain
    Age
    51
    Posts
    1,901
    Thanks
    25,622
    Thanked 10,993 times in 1,795 posts

    Default Re: Hold Hands, Make Faces, and Laugh!

    Just beutifull. Thousen thanks for sharing. I can´t help it, i love you Joe.
    Much love to you Joe

    Happy tears in my eyes, beutifull my friend

    ¤=[Post Update]=¤

    beutifull people
    honoring White Feather: SHIFT HAPPENED

  12. The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to betoobig For This Post:

    Dennis Leahy (23rd November 2015), Hym (19th November 2015), Jantje (19th November 2015), Jean-Marie (19th November 2015), Joe Sustaire (20th November 2015), Meggings (19th November 2015), Pam (23rd November 2015), RunningDeer (19th November 2015), Sierra (23rd November 2015)

  13. Link to Post #7
    United States Avalon Member RunningDeer's Avatar
    Join Date
    6th February 2012
    Location
    Forest Dweller
    Language
    English
    Posts
    18,341
    Thanks
    127,398
    Thanked 168,298 times in 18,139 posts

    Default Re: Hold Hands, Make Faces, and Laugh!

    Lovely intimate moments
    and the knowledge that
    the connection is infinite

    Journey on Patty and Joe




    Jonathan Livingston Seagull

    RunningDeer ♡

  14. The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to RunningDeer For This Post:

    betoobig (19th November 2015), Dennis Leahy (23rd November 2015), Hym (19th November 2015), Jantje (20th November 2015), Jean-Marie (19th November 2015), Joe Sustaire (20th November 2015), Meggings (19th November 2015), Pam (23rd November 2015), Ron Mauer Sr (19th November 2015), sandy (15th November 2016), Sierra (23rd November 2015), Stephanie (19th November 2015)

  15. Link to Post #8
    United States Honored, Retired Member. Ron passed in October 2022.
    Join Date
    5th January 2011
    Location
    Virginia
    Age
    81
    Posts
    2,197
    Thanks
    13,269
    Thanked 18,257 times in 2,136 posts

    Default Re: Hold Hands, Make Faces, and Laugh!

    To fly again like Johnathan Livingston Seagull, to fly aerobatic aircraft, to love and cuddle naked with a good looking healthy woman while I am in my physical prime, to share similar interests and ideas with her, my best friend, that brings me excitement and joy.

    There is nothing more important than feeling good.

    Maybe I will change my mind and choose to return after I am complete here.

    Last edited by Ron Mauer Sr; 19th November 2015 at 16:18.

  16. The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to Ron Mauer Sr For This Post:

    betoobig (19th November 2015), Dennis Leahy (23rd November 2015), Hym (19th November 2015), Jantje (20th November 2015), Jean-Marie (23rd November 2015), Joe Sustaire (20th November 2015), Meggings (19th November 2015), RunningDeer (19th November 2015), sandy (15th November 2016), Sierra (23rd November 2015)

  17. Link to Post #9
    United States Avalon Member
    Join Date
    7th February 2014
    Location
    hawaii
    Age
    79
    Posts
    107
    Thanks
    1,555
    Thanked 536 times in 100 posts

    Default Re: Hold Hands, Make Faces, and Laugh!

    Ahhhh the pull of the physical. May your next life be full of love.

  18. The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to moekatz For This Post:

    betoobig (19th November 2015), Dennis Leahy (23rd November 2015), Jantje (20th November 2015), Joe Sustaire (20th November 2015), Meggings (19th November 2015), Ron Mauer Sr (19th November 2015), RunningDeer (19th November 2015), sandy (15th November 2016), Sierra (23rd November 2015)

  19. Link to Post #10
    United States Honored, Retired Member. Ron passed in October 2022.
    Join Date
    5th January 2011
    Location
    Virginia
    Age
    81
    Posts
    2,197
    Thanks
    13,269
    Thanked 18,257 times in 2,136 posts

    Default Re: Hold Hands, Make Faces, and Laugh!

    Quote Posted by moekatz (here)
    Ahhhh the pull of the physical. May your next life be full of love.
    Thanks. And non-combat aircraft, and thrill seeking ladies.

  20. The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to Ron Mauer Sr For This Post:

    betoobig (19th November 2015), Dennis Leahy (23rd November 2015), Jantje (20th November 2015), Jean-Marie (19th November 2015), Joe Sustaire (20th November 2015), Pam (23rd November 2015), RunningDeer (19th November 2015), sandy (15th November 2016), Sierra (23rd November 2015), ulli (23rd November 2015)

  21. Link to Post #11
    United States Avalon Member Joe Sustaire's Avatar
    Join Date
    26th July 2014
    Location
    Shipwrecked in the Sea of Plenty, surrounded by the unknowing.
    Age
    73
    Posts
    133
    Thanks
    1,256
    Thanked 1,076 times in 131 posts

    Default Re: Hold Hands, Make Faces, and Laugh!

    Thank you my friends for your warm words and projected love!
    I'm doing pretty good and looking forward to seeing our son Steve, he should get in tonight and we can get on with the healing.

    And thank you Hey it's me, for sharing your very moving story with us!

    All these outpourings help me to know I'm not alone out here, and it helps.
    Thank you all!

  22. The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to Joe Sustaire For This Post:

    1inMany (23rd November 2015), betoobig (23rd November 2015), Dennis Leahy (23rd November 2015), Hym (22nd November 2015), Jean-Marie (23rd November 2015), meeradas (22nd November 2015), Pam (23rd November 2015), RunningDeer (22nd November 2015), sandy (15th November 2016), Sierra (23rd November 2015), Star Tsar (22nd November 2015), Stephanie (1st October 2017), ulli (23rd November 2015)

  23. Link to Post #12
    Avalon Member Pam's Avatar
    Join Date
    29th June 2012
    Posts
    3,370
    Thanks
    42,394
    Thanked 27,393 times in 3,308 posts

    Default Re: Hold Hands, Make Faces, and Laugh!

    Joe, what a beautiful and loving account you have shared with us. I feel honored.

  24. The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to Pam For This Post:

    1inMany (23rd November 2015), betoobig (23rd November 2015), Dennis Leahy (23rd November 2015), Jean-Marie (23rd November 2015), Joe Sustaire (23rd November 2015), RunningDeer (23rd November 2015), sandy (15th November 2016), Sierra (23rd November 2015), Stephanie (1st October 2017), ulli (23rd November 2015)

  25. Link to Post #13
    United States Honored, Retired Member. Sierra passed in April 2021.
    Join Date
    27th January 2011
    Age
    75
    Posts
    9,452
    Thanks
    64,848
    Thanked 29,462 times in 5,424 posts

    Default Re: Hold Hands, Make Faces, and Laugh!

    Joe,

    Your wife sounds SO wonderful, pure love, pure joy, you lucky, lucky man.

    Thank you for sharing. What you tell is in my heart, this is where I want to go, this is what I want to become. No matter how many lifetimes it takes.


  26. The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Sierra For This Post:

    betoobig (23rd November 2015), Dennis Leahy (15th November 2016), Jean-Marie (23rd November 2015), Joe Sustaire (24th November 2015), RunningDeer (23rd November 2015), sandy (15th November 2016), Stephanie (1st October 2017), ulli (23rd November 2015)

  27. Link to Post #14
    United States Avalon Member RunningDeer's Avatar
    Join Date
    6th February 2012
    Location
    Forest Dweller
    Language
    English
    Posts
    18,341
    Thanks
    127,398
    Thanked 168,298 times in 18,139 posts

    Default Re: Hold Hands, Make Faces, and Laugh!

    Joe, you are in my thoughts on this 1st anniversary. ♡

    Last edited by RunningDeer; 15th November 2016 at 13:53.

  28. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to RunningDeer For This Post:

    betoobig (17th November 2016), Dennis Leahy (15th November 2016), Joe Sustaire (17th November 2016), Rich (17th November 2016), sandy (15th November 2016), Stephanie (1st October 2017)

  29. Link to Post #15
    Canada Avalon Member sandy's Avatar
    Join Date
    7th January 2011
    Location
    North East Saskatchewan
    Posts
    1,446
    Thanks
    28,707
    Thanked 6,915 times in 1,310 posts

    Default Re: Hold Hands, Make Faces, and Laugh!

    Joe I think you are just as special as your Patty >>>>much Love and Peace
    Love and Light Always/Sandy

  30. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to sandy For This Post:

    betoobig (17th November 2016), Dennis Leahy (15th November 2016), Joe Sustaire (17th November 2016), RunningDeer (15th November 2016), Stephanie (1st October 2017)

  31. Link to Post #16
    United States Avalon Member Joe Sustaire's Avatar
    Join Date
    26th July 2014
    Location
    Shipwrecked in the Sea of Plenty, surrounded by the unknowing.
    Age
    73
    Posts
    133
    Thanks
    1,256
    Thanked 1,076 times in 131 posts

    Default Re: Hold Hands, Make Faces, and Laugh!

    Thank you Sandy and Paula!
    It helps, and what a beautiful candle shot!

    I know I've been wonderfully blessed to have shared Pattys love and joy over so many years. Her presence is with me always, and yeah I spend a lot of time talking to her as I try to find my way down the path alone. Luckily I'm off grid, back in the woods, so they haven't fitted me with a white jacket yet......

    Much love my friends!

  32. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Joe Sustaire For This Post:

    betoobig (17th November 2016), Ivanhoe (18th November 2016), RunningDeer (18th November 2016), Stephanie (1st October 2017)

+ Reply to Thread

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts