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Thread: The Problems with Facebook

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    United States Avalon Member Mike's Avatar
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    24th January 2011
    journeying to the end of the night
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    Default Re: The Problems with Facebook

    I met this woman while I was working at a hospital, and a mild flirtation began. One day she suggested I start a FB account. FB, what's that? I asked. She said, it's like MySpace for adults.

    I hadn't fallen for the social media trap yet, and I was quietly proud of it. She reassured me that it was quite new and I wouldn't be bothered by friend requests and so forth. The implication was that one could remain quite anonymous. She also said that she had all sorts of pics of herself frolicking on the beach in a skimpy bikini, but i had to sign up to see them. those were the 2 biggest fattest lies of the century....

    ...instead, she had about 10,000 face shots...all taken on the same day it seemed. Pages and pages of them. there she was..grinning from asshole to eyebrow..over and over and over again. It was astounding. all I wanted to see was one picture of her ass. just one. i felt I deserved it after enduring all those face shots. But no...

    ..Over the years I've come across many of the face shot freaks; usually they include one grainy full body shot, taken from 50 yards away on a camera made in 1982. It's discouraging for perverts like me. but of course what they're confessing, thru omission, is that they're too fat to be sharing current photos of anything below the neck. and fair enough. but spare us all the head shots, ok?

    Moving on...
    so I attempted to start a FB acct. But I was convinced I was doing it incorrectly, so i kept starting over. Turns out I was doing it correctly after all, and in the process I created something like 20 profiles for myself. over the years people have expressed shock at just how many Mike *******'s there are. My last name isn't exactly common. dude I tried to find you on FB but there's a million Mike *******'s, all nondescript...no pics or anything they'll say.

    huh...weird, I'll reply


    I do use one of those accounts occasionally, for the messenger option, to chat with my friends overseas. The first year I'd get drunk and stalk old classmates..but that got old really quick. They all have the same exact life: family, kids, job, so forth. I kept waiting for someone to show a little guts, a little gamble..but it never happened. Same life, over and over again.

    When I do sign on now, there is one person I do follow: this guy named Mario. An old friend and classmate.

    Mario fascinates me. The details vary, but he operates in 4 or 5 rotating themes with his FB posts. They go something like this:

    1) the family man: these posts are designed to depict him as dedicated son, brother, uncle, and grandson. They will often include pictures: there he is, in repose, next to grandma's grave, celebrating her life with the world on the anniversary of her death....a single tear falling from his eye.

    Next he's shopping with his nephew, careful to point out that he's spending the money he gave him for Christmas.

    Next he's at his nieces high school volleyball game, cheering maniacally with a home made t-shirt featuring her name and photo on it.

    Look out, there he is again, at his nephew's first communion, handing a large gift to the little guy.


    2) the concerned citizen: he's always first to alert folks of an approaching snowstorm, a murderer on the loose, or the current virus going round. There are also several pics of him handing out water and gift cards to the homeless. Things like that. It's as if he's running for office. I doubt the guy has ever done an anonymous favor for anyone.

    3) the aloof ladies man: his posts in this arena will often begin, "Hey ladies, don't ya hate it when..." etc etc etc. It's usually something to do with men being fools. And we can be , sure, but that's not the point. Mario paints himself as a detached narrator in all this, as if he's immune to being a fool himself. He's pandering, and trying to appear to relate...all in a phony attempt to get female attention. He'll also say things like, "guys, when you're out on a date with your lady, be courteous and stay off your cell phone. It's not cool. Plus, yesterday I walked into a pizza shop, and this dude was on a cell, and his girl was checking me out..." etc etc. It's all masquerading weakly as sage advice, but is really designed to make him appear as this handsome and irresistible dude who understands your needs....as if he'd just read a column in Cosmo and a light went off in his head.

    4) the arbiter of morality: one of his latest posts read something like this: "I see all these kids talking about which teacher they like and which they don't,...but please try to remember: teachers are people too.."

    What's wrong with that, you may be wondering. What's wrong is that's it's formulaic. It's phony. It's all designed to make him look like a "nice guy". Hes single btw.

    Another post of his, on father's day, said something like this: "hey everyone, i know its fathers day, but single mothers are father's too...so don't forget to give them credit today too.."

    After I read that I imagined myself climbing a poll, unzipping my fly, and pissing all over his head.

    On the recent anniversary of 9-11, he put up a Zoolander'ish selfie of himself after a haircut, pouting whilst displaying his fresh new fade. "We remember" was scrawled across the top. He really did. I'm not making it up.

    5) the political sage: he goes for the low hanging fruit when no one is giving him attention: Trump. I can't recall any posts specifically, but they're all on par with, " hey that Hitler was a really bad guy, wasn't he?" And then he sits back and plays the moderator, feeling important as everyone idiotically chimes in.

    ....he rotates all these themes, as predictably as can be. You can set your calender by it. And people respond to him. That's what's wrong with facebook.
    Last edited by Mike; 25th September 2019 at 09:05.

  2. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Mike For This Post:

    Bill Ryan (25th September 2019), Cara (25th September 2019), Ivanhoe (25th September 2019)

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