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Thread: When the ego takes over

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    Scotland Avalon Member greybeard's Avatar
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    Default Re: When the ego takes over

    Quote Posted by AutumnW (here)
    Jimrich,

    I was in intense therapy, four hours a week, for 3 years, starting about 7 years ago. As a young child I was beaten by my father, teased or ignored. My mother told me decades later, how alarmed she was by my father's behavior and personality.

    But at the time, she thought, as a parent, you couldn't let your kids see that. You had to show a "united front" or children would triangulate. That makes sense if you have a normal mate -- but my father was crazy.

    By the time I was a teen I was so lost and confused I was perfect prey for predators. A rape, attempted murder and three suicide attempts later, I managed to pull myself together. It must have been divine intervention!

    Anyway, yes to all you are saying. I so wanted to change for my own sake and the sake of those close to me. I had managed against all odds to survive but I was filled with fear and dread and a lot of underlying anger. I could go from calm rational to triggered and angry very quickly. I never freaked out or attacked anybody or anything crazy, I would just get super irritable.

    I hope this isn't "too much information". I just wanted to share how bad things can be but through the power of the will, working with guardian angels or guides (I think??) a person CAN overcome their past, if they address it properly, as you did. And I think I have come a long way, too.
    AutumnW

    I highlighted what also worked for me.
    Apart from being a suicidal wreck from Alcoholism which years of going To AA and 9 month in a Psychiatric hospital took me to being a recovering alcoholic--Im fine but I know what one drink would do. I nearly died after bursting my spleen in a sledging accident and two separate incidents years apart where I was very close to drowning.
    "
    I f I was to name one thing that brought about change it is asking The Divine for help and surrendering to" That and gratitude---I know now that there is no separation, but only One, I still pray with gratitude every day for my sobriety.

    Grace is always available every prayer answered---a string of coincidences got me into AA--every positive event, life changing , came about that way.
    I listened to what was offered to me through others and that was part of my saving Grace.

    Chris
    Be kind to all life, including your own, no matter what!!

  2. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to greybeard For This Post:

    AutumnW (20th September 2016), Rich (19th September 2016), Wind (20th September 2016)

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    Thumbs up Omg

    Quote Posted by AutumnW (here)
    I was in intense therapy, four hours a week, for 3 years, starting about 7 years ago. As a young child I was beaten by my father, teased or ignored. My mother told me decades later, how alarmed she was by my father's behavior and personality.
    It took me a long time to finally realize what I felt about our saintly, quiet, loving and Christian mom but, thanks to a dective video when the detective ask the mother of a savagely beaten kid, "Did you ever defend your son?" and the woman just went silent, I almost fell out of my recliner when the light went off in my head!!! Our mom NEVER stood up for either of us boys UNTIL dad's insanity got TO HER! She somehow found the courage to tell him to "knock it off' when something bother her but dad could beat the crap out of his boys all day long and she just quietly hid out in the other room without a peep! After that "realization" I wanted to go over to her place and knock her bock off but she was dead and gone by then! The anger and rage I always thought belonged to my abusive, terrifying dad suddenly came back up and in her direction, where it truly belonged. So now, I had to do some more "anger work" on my cowardly mom!

    Quote But at the time, she thought, as a parent, you couldn't let your kids see that. You had to show a "united front" or children would triangulate.
    LOL, that would have been my mom's hidden excuse for her own COWARDICE and selfishness because our father was the only "daddy" she ever had (her dad was absent in the military during most of her childhood) and she sure wasn't going to let any little brats, like her kids, come between her and her cherished DADDY now that she finally got one!

    Quote By the time I was a teen I was so lost and confused I was perfect prey for predators. A rape, attempted murder and three suicide attempts later, I managed to pull myself together. It must have been divine intervention!
    I feel very happy that it all turned out better for you. Bless you!

    Quote Anyway, yes to all you are saying. I so wanted to change for my own sake and the sake of those close to me. I had managed against all odds to survive but I was filled with fear and dread and a lot of underlying anger. I could go from calm rational to triggered and angry very quickly. I never freaked out or attacked anybody or anything crazy, I would just get super irritable.
    That's the dire consequences of early trauma and repressed feelings which leave a person vulnerable to sudden explosions (PTSD) whenever triggered and everyone just scratches their head because they don't understand it and are not going to even try. They FEAR your feelings might trigger their own bottled up feelings and then they might have to deal with their own hidden, inner pains!

    Quote I hope this isn't "too much information". I just wanted to share how bad things can be but through the power of the will, working with guardian angels or guides (I think??) a person CAN overcome their past, if they address it properly, as you did. And I think I have come a long way, too.
    LOL, after 100s of sharing meetings, even in incest groups, nothing is "too much information" for me!
    I loudly applaud your healing and process to getting over a rotten past. Many folks do not understand nor like any of this "therapy" stuff but it has sure made a huge, positive difference in my life and vastly contributes to whatever I am currently learning in Spiritual circles.
    Bless you,
    jim
    Last edited by jimrich; 19th September 2016 at 20:57.

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    Quote Posted by greybeard (here)
    I listened to what was offered to me through others and that was part of my saving Grace.
    Chris
    Thank god for sharing meetings! Those survivors SAVED me!

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    Default Re: When the ego takes over

    Quote Posted by greybeard (here)
    Quote Posted by AutumnW (here)
    Jimrich,

    I was in intense therapy, four hours a week, for 3 years, starting about 7 years ago. As a young child I was beaten by my father, teased or ignored. My mother told me decades later, how alarmed she was by my father's behavior and personality.

    But at the time, she thought, as a parent, you couldn't let your kids see that. You had to show a "united front" or children would triangulate. That makes sense if you have a normal mate -- but my father was crazy.

    By the time I was a teen I was so lost and confused I was perfect prey for predators. A rape, attempted murder and three suicide attempts later, I managed to pull myself together. It must have been divine intervention!

    Anyway, yes to all you are saying. I so wanted to change for my own sake and the sake of those close to me. I had managed against all odds to survive but I was filled with fear and dread and a lot of underlying anger. I could go from calm rational to triggered and angry very quickly. I never freaked out or attacked anybody or anything crazy, I would just get super irritable.

    I hope this isn't "too much information". I just wanted to share how bad things can be but through the power of the will, working with guardian angels or guides (I think??) a person CAN overcome their past, if they address it properly, as you did. And I think I have come a long way, too.
    AutumnW

    I highlighted what also worked for me.
    Apart from being a suicidal wreck from Alcoholism which years of going To AA and 9 month in a Psychiatric hospital took me to being a recovering alcoholic--Im fine but I know what one drink would do. I nearly died after bursting my spleen in a sledging accident and two separate incidents years apart where I was very close to drowning.
    "
    I f I was to name one thing that brought about change it is asking The Divine for help and surrendering to" That and gratitude---I know now that there is no separation, but only One, I still pray with gratitude every day for my sobriety.

    Grace is always available every prayer answered---a string of coincidences got me into AA--every positive event, life changing , came about that way.
    I listened to what was offered to me through others and that was part of my saving Grace.

    Chris
    I have had such amazing guidance and literal delivery from evil, Chris, I know I have invisible means of support -- and I don't mean panty hose.

    9months in a psych ward? That's where so many shamanistic personalities end up, I think. It's a tough road. My best to you and a huge hug!

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    Default Re: Sharing meetings

    Quote Posted by jimrich (here)
    Quote Posted by greybeard (here)
    I listened to what was offered to me through others and that was part of my saving Grace.
    Chris
    Thank god for sharing meetings! Those survivors SAVED me!
    Very happy for you! Sounds like you went through a kind of torture. I think that men used to have a much harder time than women, in this regard. Women have always been allowed to open up to their peers more readily about their problems, and emote, if need be. Men, particularly of my father's generation just seem to be emotionally stunted, locked inside of themselves. Sad. They did a LOT of damage.

    ¤=[Post Update]=¤

    Quote Posted by greybeard (here)
    Autumn W
    Thanks for your courage in sharing.

    I had a Hypnotheray, Psychotherapist, N.L.P. Practice and also used Bio-energy therapy.

    All clients were unique and treated as such--I did not like labels--people tended to get stuck in them.
    For some Hypnosis was very powerful and achieved the results

    There is nothing but energy in movement (atoms) ant that includes feelings.
    That where Bio-energy comes in.
    It works on the chakras, energy field of the body and where an other therapy was perhaps only partially successful the bio-energy therapy removed/ resolved the condition--be it mental emotional or physical.

    To give you an example--I had a young client She said she was clinically depressed--three sessions and it was gone.

    I was trained by Michael D'Alton he now practices in Canada-- an amazing "therapist."
    Obviously what you are doing is working---for anyone interested in energy therapy this is Michaels web site below.

    Best wishes
    Chris

    http://www.daltonsbio.com/

    Ps if you visit the site be sure to watch the videos on the right hand side.
    Thank you SO much.

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    Thumbs up Strong silent type

    Quote Posted by AutumnW (here)
    Very happy for you! Sounds like you went through a kind of torture.
    In a way, this is true and studying PTSD helped me see what happened in my family. It was more of a mental torture than a physical thing and got even worse as I grew older and found dad to be both very dangerous but impossible to communicate with!
    Quote I think that men used to have a much harder time than women, in this regard. Women have always been allowed to open up to their peers more readily about their problems, and emote, if need be. Men, particularly of my father's generation just seem to be emotionally stunted, locked inside of themselves. Sad.
    My very tough, capable and brilliant dad was the classic 'strong/silent type" which one might admire UNTIL you have to live with such a person. His "silence" could sent chills up my spine!
    He was extremely mental and physically capable (we farmed) but emotionally STUNTED (which I discovered many years later!). After finding out a little about his childhood, in which he did not get to be a child but was put to "work" the minute he could hold a tool, I understood why and how he was psychologically stunted - like Buddy Rich - he did not get to be "child".
    It's very sad to see and understand what happens to folks like Buddy Rich, Adolph Hitler and my dad who were DEPRIVED of a normal childhood! They can seem quite capable, intelligent and successful BUT don't try to live with or work for them! It has helped me to understand my dad but not to forgive him - so far. Maybe tomorrow!

    Quote They did a LOT of damage.
    Alice Miller (google her) wrote several books describing A. Hitler's childhood and the dire consequences that his extremely abusive childhood hood cost the entire world. Hitler was essetially an abused child who took revenge on the whole world for the rotten way he and his side-kicks were raised. Savagely beating and whipping one's kids was very fashionable in Germany and other European cultures at that time so Hitler and his peers came to power FILLED with mind blowing RAGE and then vented their RAGE on everyone EXCEPT those who truly deserved their RAGE - their own parents!
    Alice Miller's portrayal of Hitler, Stalin and a few other "monsters", based on how they were raised, is the most riveting and HONEST piece of psychology I've even encountered and it perfectly matches my own childhood experiences with such monsters - my parents.
    Alice Miller does not recommend going home and beating up one's parents but she makes it perfectly clear that Hitler's RAGE belonged to his parents and not the rest of the world which he punished in the place of those who deserved to be punished - his own ABUSIVE parents!
    Read any of her books if you get a chance.

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