Self Esteem

[jimrich]

Hi Seekers:
I am guessing that many Seeders have come across Self Esteem teachings and have even tried some of them.
How was it for you? Did Self Esteem processes set you free and Liberate you? What happened for you, good or bad?
After a while in therapy, I became interested in Self esteem and self respect so I got into a Self Esteem workshop and learned a lot plus I owned several powerful Self Esteem tape sets by Jack Canfield and others.
For a long time, I believed that Self Esteem technique was the Royal Road to happiness, peace, self realization and FREEDOM .........BUT....there were and still are times when my wonderful and powerful Self esteem crumbled and fell apart if and when I encountered a certain challenge or "trigger" such as being told I have B.O. or my sax playing sucks!
Basically, any kind of humiliation or fearful threat could wipe out my Self Esteem and confidence in a heart beat! I had to counter this sudden loss of self worth with a huge array of Self Esteem affirmations, sayings, concepts, words, actions and whatever I could find to get back up to "OKness". This usually worked so I felt very happy with Self Esteem for a very long and untested time.
But lately, I've come to the mysterious conclusion that, while Self Esteem work builds up and strengthens my ego, it somehow just doesn't keep me up and OK so maybe working with and on my down trodden ego is not the final answer. I have enjoyed being a better, happier and more powerful "person" but........ all of this can vanish in a flash the moment something threatens or shames me - the ego. I used to believe all I had to do was become a way bigger and better 'me' (ego) but it's just not reliable or consistent.
Well, thanks to Rupert Spira http://non-duality.rupertspira.com/home and a few other non-duality/Advaitic teachers/sages/leaders, I am now able to see and sometimes FEEL the Real me behind, under, over, within and outside of this fragile little ego I've been trying to build up and empower with very limited success.
When I am Real or Reality is here, I feel a natural, effortless sense of real worth and power that is able to tolerate: shame, humiliation, threats, pain, adoration, praise, temptation, and all kinds of feelings/influences that my high self esteeming ego never could handle!
I see now how Ramana Maharshi went to his grave without a murmur of: dispare, agony, regret, fear, anger or even PAIN - despite a horrifying cancerous tumor on his upper arm!
He was totally free of a complaining, touchy, disappointed, hurting little EGO and he was Reality itself or the Self as he named it.
His story is very inspiring for me because he was the epitome of the Self without any "extras" that so many modern gurus carry around these days. Not that modern sages are wrong or bad.
Ramana was so simple, clean and approachable yet, there he sat - REALITY - just as it is! http://www.arunachala.org/ramana/teachings/
The other guy who impresses me with his simplicity and honesty is John Wheeler (look him up).
I am sure you can find a lot of other "cool" teachers up to and including those who teach Self Esteem - a good starting point, IMO.
I'd love to read of your adventures in and with Self Esteem/psychological realms so please share your stories here.
jim

[lunaflare]

Thanks for taking the time to share your insights, jimrich. Agreed, being told you have B.O. or bad breathe does not bring on the feel-good vibe!

I have certainly read my share of self-help books over the years. They were useful in that I learned more about taking responsibility for what kind of thoughts mulled around in my mind. Age has taught me to care less about what other people think; but not to care less about other people...

Even though I have read a bounty of books and have had a myriad of life experiences, I am not sure I am any the more robust in the self-esteem department. I am sensitive and so I anticipate that I will get hurt. Being sensitive is not so bad, as this quality allows empathy and compassion for other sentient beings. And we need more of this in our world. The tricky key is finding balance. I let feelings of despair/sadness/anger/depression pass far more quickly that I used to. I don't dwell on that which I truly cannot change. Sounds cliché; but it is so important to be kind to oneself.
In essence;
I have good days (feel joy and heart expansion) and not so good days (emotionally fragile, melancholy).
I find Nature to be utterly restorative and a wonderful, generous uplifting presence!

[Lifebringer]

Sounds like over achiever parent syndrome, foisted on the child so much, they are confused when it is good or bad for them. "A which way did it go moment." IME/InMyExperience, I realized that integrity, honest effort, and acceptance of: "that's what the creator has for me today," kept me where I needed to be. Also do 3 things towards your dream, vision or goal for your self a day, no matter how small. It's always good to knock down hurdles towards the dream/goal and just when you feel yourself slipping on esteem, look what you achieved for yourself, when you are accomplishing your goals/dreams.

[AutumnW]

Hi Jrich,

I think that sometimes that flash of anger, sparked by a humiliation, even a micro humiliation, is reflexive, knee jerk. Be patient with yourself. You are trying and you are not perfect. If you are patient and compassionate with yourself and your defended ego, you will be more able to develop a bit of a sense of humor about it. And a little healthy laughter diffuses so much negativity and brings perspective.

[Enola]

I don't have much of these problems these days but I agree confidence is more about your connection to the Self. Lately it seems like I've been able to bring more spiritual power through so I have more authority. This mostly seems be if I feel wronged in some way or is trying to put up a limit.

I had some hassle with the police on my door a while ago and was suprised by the way they backed down. It's different than aggression, although it empowers that too. My higher self is starting to come through more but it doesn't seem to have that super-gentle quality, it's more fiery.

[jimrich]

Posted by lunaflare (here)
I find Nature to be utterly restorative and a wonderful, generous uplifting presence!

Me too. Since my late wife crossed over, I've begun going hiking rather than wander through malls and city streets. I like it outside way more that malls and streets, so far. Here is So Cal, there's a lot of natural, outdoor stuff to see and do along with pretty good weather year round.
Happy trails.......
jim

[jimrich]

Had a rather interesting pair of self worth/esteem events.
First, I just started tail hiking so I went to be part of a Hiking club at 10 am but only one man showed up so we set out with him, an experienced hiker, in the lead. He was well equipped and very tall so his gait was way longer and faster than my Beginner's gait. I tried very hard to keep up with him so we could talk but began to notice that I just am not yet "up to it". He was very impressed with my beginners show of skills (I'm 78) but things got pretty testy when we started up a steep slope towards a hill on the trail. My lungs were really laboring (I play saxophone) and I used all the wind techniques I could think of but he kept swiftly walking along on his long legs so, pretty soon, I was a few blocks behind him! I tried to be "tough" and keep up (like a Marine) but it was quite a struggle and I asked myself, "Why not go with healthy self esteem and just let him do his thing while I walk at my own pace?" My inner child said that he wanted to keep up with Daddy (the man was about my age!) and show him that we are TOUGH!, so I just kept trying harder but really did not enjoy what seemed to be a CONTEST rather than a pleasant stoll over hill and dale. I had to laugh at my early childhood conditioning to PROVE that I was as TOUGH and good as my Dad and older brother (in the form of this other Hiker) but I let my inner child/ego struggle to keep up with Daddy anyway. When the "contest" was all over, I resolved to NEVER AGAIN go with any other Hikers and be caught up in an endurance contest. I will go find some hiking trails on my own and walk them in my own way and pace and I think my inner child/ego likes that idea better than the extremely strenuous and disappointing hike that we took today.
I was so focused on keeping up with the swift and TALL leader that I didn't take the time to stop and enjoy the views or surroundings on the trail.
I see this as just another graphic lesson in my long journey to finally have and keep some healthy self esteem and worth. I've long been a sucker for assertive and aggressive types so I took on a "loner" life style long ago. I was surrounded by aggressive/assertive people in my early family but still I get sucked in by them all too often!
Oh well............

[jimrich]

Posted by Enola (here)
it's more fiery.

LOL, I like that!