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Thread: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

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    United States Avalon Member raregem's Avatar
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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    You are most welcome Onawah. I assumed I understood your statements but, I should have asked you first what you meant by "knuckle under". Would you clarify, please?
    I just want to send you deep abiding respect and care during this sojourn.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    To Avalonians-

    I am interested in knowing the stats for empaths and sensitive people who have difficulty with narcos.
    Could we poll this somehow? Anyone interested? Thanks.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Hi raregem. Personally I believe there is a statistical correlation if one can call it that, which can show that INFP/INFJ's are almost always in one way or the other dealing with pathological narcissists in their life.
    A poll would be most interesting, but I would somehow link it more specifically to these Avalonians that are INFP/INFJ. Other MBTI-types would/could be less involved attracting PN's.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Great point Keyholder. I just have no idea how to make this happen.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    I think you understood, Raregem, and thanks again.
    By "knuckle under" I meant I thought I was perhaps going to just have to grin and bear the narcissist's role in my life. ( Which, as it turns out, I didn't... )
    I am an INFJ, by the way.
    Quote Posted by raregem (here)
    You are most welcome Onawah. I assumed I understood your statements but, I should have asked you first what you meant by "knuckle under". Would you clarify, please?
    I just want to send you deep abiding respect and care during this sojourn.
    update: I have never been involved in a personal relationship with a narcissist beyond "friendship" (if it can even be called that).
    Last edited by onawah; 16th November 2018 at 17:55.
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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    I have known for a long time that I am an INFJ, and I think I recognized early on that the narcissists in my life have been mirrors for me, showing me the wounded parts of myself that came about from abuse and neglect that I suffered during my own younger years. but I think I first started really becoming conscious of the empath/narcissist pattern about a year ago when this thread started: http://projectavalon.net/forum4/show...ght=narcissism
    I was only beginning to realize the scope of the problem when I posted this:
    http://projectavalon.net/forum4/show...=1#post1216561
    ...but at least I think I was on the right track.
    Recently I watched a youtube video by a young empath (whose name I don't remember now, unfortunately) who was looking at the pattern from a slightly different perspective.
    He was seeing the journey as a process of self-realization, rather than victimization, for the empath who is beginning to value more the differences between a normal, relatively intact person and a narcissist, and valuing the simple gift of just being "normal", understanding that there is no built in, burdensome obligation to heal the narcissist, and so is beginning to be freed from that ensnaring pattern. At that stage, one no longer takes for granted simple mental health, something narcissists can't even imagine, and is able to have compassion without compulsion.
    (Or at least, that is the conclusion I have arrived at; as someone who has been deeply into Buddhist study and practice for many years, I think that studying narcissists and empaths has helped me to understand better how the path of the Boddhisattva must finally result in compassionate detachment, though that juncture may take longer to arrive at than someone from the more direct-to-the-goal Hinayana tradition, where one is concerned only with with one's own enlightenment, and not that of others. Of course, that can lead to a huge metaphysical discussion, but I'm not going to go there now. )

    The VitalMind psychologist's talks here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_P...GMQQ/playlists
    have been very helpful in recognizing the variables and patterns, and Sam Vaknin's talks continue to enlighten, while helping me to remember that narcissists are invariably abuse victims themselves, and also that empaths tend to overestimate their own ability to heal others and so can easily fall victim to pride.

    I don't want to go into too much detail about my recent departure from the situation involving the last narcissist who "showed up" in my life because I don't want to "out" that person (however unlikely that might be), but it has certainly been an instructive episode, and I hope I am emerging from it more capable of being emotionally detached and seeing it all more objectively.
    I don't doubt that there will be many big corners to turn in this process, but I can more easily accept now that it's an ongoing one.

    I think acceptance of the dual nature of this 3D reality in general is a very big part of the process too, because acceptance, rather than resistance, is an essential part of the journey.
    And through acceptance we get more grounded in the actual, transcendent nature of Reality beyond 3D, which is much less burdensome on the whole, by its very nature.
    Last edited by onawah; 16th November 2018 at 05:49.
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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Quote Posted by Keyholder (here)
    Hi raregem. Personally I believe there is a statistical correlation if one can call it that, which can show that INFP/INFJ's are almost always in one way or the other dealing with pathological narcissists in their life.
    A poll would be most interesting, but I would somehow link it more specifically to these Avalonians that are INFP/INFJ. Other MBTI-types would/could be less involved attracting PN's.
    Quote Posted by raregem (here)
    Great point Keyholder. I just have no idea how to make this happen.
    It would be interesting to see the results. I’m inclined to think that all personality types have had experiences with narcissists and psychopaths.


    For those that may not know, there’s a thread: Free Personality Test and MBTI/Myers-Briggs Type Descriptions
    Last edited by RunningDeer; 16th November 2018 at 21:44.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Some wonderful and helpful viewpoints everyone.
    I could not imagine people were unable to feel the hurt they gave so freely and laughed or smirked about. Like it was a trophy they won. My brother has told me many times- for years that so and so was a narcissist. Religion told me to turn the other cheek, forgive etc...
    I have had to spend a lot of time learning about the psychology of narcissism. Truly mind-blowing that it most likely cannot be reverted to a balanced and thoughtful mind/heart. I have been told often I am too sensitive. The last experience has brought me to feel NO compassion for the narc soul at this time. I am shocked at myself as I have never got to this point of NO feeling for someone else's pain. Onowah you said.."compassion without compulsion". I think I shall reflect on this thought in the desire to balance this within. I do not want to lose compassion ..I do want to understand how to have compassion without self-destruction. I feel love for you all right now. Perhaps, I will again feel for the narcissist and their healing in their right time..not mine.

    I am INFJ, too.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    I think a turning point for me came when I realized how devoid of feeling a true narcissist is.
    They really are quite empty, and so feeling another's pain is impossible for them.
    They are so numbed out and cut off from their own emotions, they cannot even imagine what a normal person might be feeling, though they probably have a dim memory of what it felt like to have real feelings before they became so damaged they could no longer feel.
    Unlike psychopaths, who are so far gone they have to learn how to mimic normal emotions.
    It's may be as difficult for a normal person to imagine what the inner world of a narcissist must be like as vice versa.
    I really had to work at it, and it took months of observation and interaction!
    It seems like that was my last "assignment" re the narcissist I was dealing with recently.
    But once it became clear to me what that person was actually like inside, I no longer saw the narcissist in question as an adversary, though obviously still very dangerous, if only because of being so oblivious.
    I view the person now more in the way I would view a severely abused and wounded wild animal.
    Since I frequently have more compassion for helpless animals than I do for humans, it became easier for me to have compassion for the narcissist, though now without the compulsion to assist or heal, since I realize that would be quite beyond my capability, and would only result in injury to me.
    Last edited by onawah; 17th November 2018 at 06:30.
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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    I just discovered this old thread about empaths from a few years back that was quite interesting, starting here: http://projectavalon.net/forum4/show...l=1#post742083
    Last edited by onawah; 17th November 2018 at 18:29.
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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    A new interview with Sam Vaknin, about social media and pathology, which I've posted here:
    http://projectavalon.net/forum4/show...=1#post1260850
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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    These short lectures by Rudolph Steiner, the founder of Anthroposophy, has bearing on the issues of how to deal with narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths (though I can't say that I really understand the last one):
    http://galaksija.com/literatura/steiner.pdf
    ...as does much of the info contained in this thread, imho:http://projectavalon.net/forum4/show...66#post1262466
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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Joe from the Carolinas

    5 Ways Narcissists Control Your Mind - Important Facts! (47 minutes)
    5 Ways Narcissists Control Your Mind - Important Facts ! Narcissism is a personality trait that centers around the individual. In this stream, I discuss 5 key ways that the narcissist engages in mind control and brainwashes their partner into a sculpted robotic servant.

    Joe from the Carolinas
    December 7, 2018

    [all related links found here]
    Last edited by RunningDeer; 8th December 2018 at 00:58.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Narcissist's Most Potent Weapon: "Induced Conversation." Beware & Protect Yourself!
    Ross Rosenberg
    Published on Dec 17, 2018

    "In this video, Ross Rosenberg explains how Pathological Narcissists (Pnarc) utilize the manipulation technique he describes as, connects his "Induced Conversation.”
    Pnarc easily manipulate codependents, or what Ross calls people with “Self-Love Deficit Disorder (SLDD),” when they engage in a conversation. SLD’s (Self-Love Deficient’s) mistakenly believe that by arguing, trying to convince or merely stating their opinion, they are wielding power over their narcissistic partner. The opposite actually happens, as it brings them into what Ross refers as “the wrestling ring” where the narcissists adept at manipulating, lying, and/or gaslighting them.

    The most effective of all the Pnarc’s manipulative strategies is “Induced Conversation,” especially when breaking down a no-contact initiative or when trying to hoover (suck back into the relationship) the SLD.

    For SLD’s to not get sucked back into the relationship that has nearly destroyed them, they must have a potent counter-measures to survive the narcissist's induced conversation strategies. The most potent of all (not discussed in detail in this video), is Rosenberg’s Observe Don’t Absorb techniques.

    For codependents or people who are self-love deficient, to not get sucked back into the relationship that has nearly destroyed them (to get hoovered), they must have a potent counter-measures to survive the narcissist's manipulation strategies.

    Rosenberg also connects SLD’s addiction to their narcissist and the manner in which induced conversation impacts their powerless position in their relationship.

    More information about Ross Rosenberg's work (books and seminar videos) can be found at www.SelfLoveRecovery.com."
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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Joe from the Carolinas has started a series on YouTube about Narcissistic Player Characters.

    How To Outsmart A Narcissist The RIght Way - The Series BEGINS!
    You CAN outsmart a narcissist.
    This idea of NPCs ( narcissistic player characters) has been fairly popular. Where is the jungle gym for how to outsmart narcissistic personality disorder?

    This video begins the debut of my how to outsmart a narcissist series. I believe that NPCs are wonderful individuals that need understanding and firm boundaries.

    The base rates of narcissism makes it fairly paranormal, while the emotionally heavy narcissistic abuse and gaslighting doesn't help it feel normal at all.



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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Quote Posted by Deux Corbeaux (here)
    Joe from the Carolinas has started a series on YouTube about Narcissistic Player Characters.

    How To Outsmart A Narcissist The RIght Way - The Series BEGINS!
    You CAN outsmart a narcissist.
    This idea of NPCs ( narcissistic player characters) has been fairly popular. Where is the jungle gym for how to outsmart narcissistic personality disorder?

    This video begins the debut of my how to outsmart a narcissist series. I believe that NPCs are wonderful individuals that need understanding and firm boundaries.

    The base rates of narcissism makes it fairly paranormal, while the emotionally heavy narcissistic abuse and gaslighting doesn't help it feel normal at all.


    Joe, this descriptive videos or yours is good for casual encounters with narcissists, but is really not helping when we have to deal with them on a daily basis (like a spouse, a family member, a boss, a neighbour, a father/mother, an ex father/mother of your kid, etc.)

    It would have left me feeling like I am the one not understanding what to do to get out of near death energetically, I would have once again thought I am the one to blame for not being able to exit the situation. You see, it deepens the problem and the victimhood.

    Most of what I see on the web is ok for casual encounters, but really way off for heavy duty situations, when one is caught in the relationship. Dealing long term with narcissists is a totally other game altogether.

    And for this other game, taking into account the damage done to the regular folk, the psychological impact, the paralysis that follows, and the general psy make up of the victim is essential.

    Joe, narcissists do kill by constant harrassment. Their prey get sick and die, no kidding. This has to be given a totally global dimension, surface talking is not enough, and, in my views, even damaging.

    Web narcissists are casual encounters, not very difficult to deal with, unless you are a teenager and take those jerks seriously. Then teaching your method is good.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    I just found this Thread and was surprised to find it here. Did not read everything yet. To much to read for me at the time. I just found out the other month, I am living with a narcissist. Did not know about this mental disorder at all and it was a big discovery for me to hear about it. I am living with a narcissist. He is not only a narcissist, he has maniac episodes too. Like once a year he is spaces out for about 2 month.

    I don*t really know, how to think about it yet. To find out the truth, is not always very positiv. But I have to deal with the facts. And it is a big step already to know them.

    I listen to Dr. Les Carter a lot and what he says is very much exactly how my partner behaves and acts towards me.

    Here is one example :




    I am so tired of those verbal fights...and I think I am a bit in a trauma, by now. I did start to write down certain situations and what happened then and was said, so I can recall them later again if needed.

    He does the gaslightning actions too.

    Now, knowing my partner is a narcissist....I feel kind of helpless and unsecure, not knowing really what to do. I think I can not trust him at all, knowing he has no empathy for me. It hurts to find this out.
    Last edited by Whisper; 27th July 2019 at 02:06.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    This lady is very right!

    I am doing this for years trying to find out why was this or that said or done....and so on...... Allways thinking, it will change, it will get better, I just takes time.....I am stucked in it for all those years, not knowing at all - it is and was all a narcissitic behavior. And it seems like it is getting more worst and not better at all.

    It is pretty scary to find out the person you thought you know very well....is actually very different from the picture you had all those years. At least now I know what I am dealing with. Better to find out late - than never....

    The only way to win with a narcissist — Susan Winter

    Susan....

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Quote Whisper: Now, knowing my partner is a narcissist....I feel kind of helpless and unsecure, not knowing really what to do. I think I can not trust him at all, knowing he has no empathy for me. It hurts to find this out.
    Leave baby, leave. There is not much else to do.

    And be sure that the disgusting behavior will be enhanced and make you quite distraught while you are leaving. Prepare your departure, but there is a good chance he will guess it. Be mentally prepared to be strong and to cut all ties.

    Tough road, but necessary one. It may take as many years to cure your PTSD from these experiences, and you may fall for other narcissists if you do not learn to love yourself and refuse being damaged by anybody.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Hello Whisper. The advice Flash just gave is the best possible advice indeed. Long term relationships with a (pathological) narcissist are one of the most draining experiences one can have.
    How someone gets into such a situation may differ. There are lots of possible reasons why and how this happens.

    Something I found out over the years, is that many and even most PN's were victims of a PN, before. They ended up imitating the behavior till they also became a "full-fledged" PN.
    In this way it resembles a mind-virus that spreads like a bushfire.

    A victim of a PN-spouse (like you are) has had in many cases a parent who was a PN to some degree too.
    If your mom and dad were both "nice people", then I would think that it may be, or will be, easier "to break free" from your present situation.

    My experiences have been mainly with women that had a PN-mother and became later on PN's themselves. Or, they did not become PN's but ended up marrying a PN
    and were in for a life, or at least many years, of pain and heartache. When the emotional abuse happened while they were between 1 and 3 years old, it oftentimes happens
    that they personally "take over" the role of the punishing parent and they become self-ostracizing in many ways. While they have no clue why they are doing this.

    For me it started in 1975, a long time before the words "malignant or pathological narcissism" were being used. I have been lucky that my parents were no PN's, though
    my father had a very tough childhood (mainly because of the war and because his father died when he was two).

    Nowadays there is a lot of information about narcissism. Sadly, it looks like the past few years psychs as well as life coaches (and the like) try to tap into this "business" to make a living.
    My advice is NOT to go that way. There are plenty of resources that don't cost much or anything at all. Also, there are enough people here on the forum that can help you as well.
    And I don't think anyone here would ask money for it.

    In case you are looking for more information and suggestions on what to do, feel free to send me a PM.
    The best advisors in this matter - I think - are those who "got out" and survived and got stronger in the process.

  40. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Keyholder For This Post:

    Hervé (5th January 2019), Valerie Villars (5th January 2019), Whisper (5th January 2019)

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