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Thread: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

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    United States Avalon Member Whisper's Avatar
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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Hey, thanks to all of you for all the feedback to my story. And I am getting more close to the point...you all did advice me to - to leave. But it will take some time. I have to clear certain things first. It is not easy. I am pretty much hooked into this relationship for a long time already.

    I just came back from a one week trip - which was very rough and filled with narcisstic tactics by my man...and I am totally drained out by now. Just tired and no more energy for nothing. I have to recover from this past week and try to build up some energy again. Which will not be easy either being around a narcissist daily.

    He really did everything to make this past trip difficult. I gave it up, long time already to try to explain this or that to him. It does not make sense to put in all this energy to explain something towards a narcissist - because he wont listen anyways. All what is important to a Narcissist is what he has to say, what he thinks and thinks to know....

    He often, just falls me, into the middle of a sentences I try to say...cutting me of this way...without even knowing what I am trying to say. Thats his favorite style. And not only cutting me off verbaly...he will continue speaking until I just give it up to say anything at all.

    Or he quickly changes the subject into something, which has nothing to do with the subject anymore which was brought up first. He often goes on like this until I resignate. I am so tired of this.

    And I dont see, why I should try to figgure out how come he is like this or that or why does he react like this and not the other way and so on...... I think the Narcissists take way to much time and energy of other peoples already. They are energy vampiers. I am not a doctor or therapist.

    He should think about how he can change his bad habbits or how come he is how he is. And find professional help for himself. But me, I am getting tired to do so. I did spend many years already into this and it still is not getting any better. I have to think more about myself and what this narcisstic field I am in, does to me and towards my health.

    He has good sides too - surely. But it is getting destroyed permanently by the narcisstic actions which are around daily. It was not always like this...but now I know, in the beginning he just was playing this game the narcissits play first....very understanding and polite and pretending he is thinking the same way I do and so on...... It is hurting to find out this was all only a fake and a bunch of lies.....

    Anyways, I did listen to this video here..and this is pretty much what I expierience in communication with my partner daily :

    This video is a daughter / narcissist father communication....but pretty much the same I go through every day...

    Last edited by Whisper; 27th July 2019 at 01:52.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    I'm sure I speak for everyone, Whisper, in congratulating you for understanding and and supporting you in being ready to move on, and wishing you a speedy, positive transition!
    Quote Posted by Whisper (here)

    And no worry, if I get out of this somehow....there wont be no danger I will end up with another narcissist again. I wont be looking for another relationship.
    PS Be aware the narcissists who may show up in an empath's life may not always be their mate--it can be a boss, a "friend", an associate, etc....
    Last edited by onawah; 26th January 2019 at 22:24.
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    United States Avalon Member ErtheVessel's Avatar
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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    A conversation with a narcissist is never about communication between two people. Not Ever. The only reason a narcissist talks to you, or to anyone, is to manipulate some kind of response from you that will confirm and support his or her own self-image and reality. If that can be done positively (idealizing/flattery), that's great, if not, it will be done negatively (cruelty, blaming, etc.) It matters not at all to them. To continue to hope that at some point the narcissist will actually listen to what you are saying, or be reasonable and rational, or take responsibility for his or her words or behavior in any way, is always a false hope and a futile fantasy.

    I do believe narcissism is a response to childhood trauma (and perhaps soul loss due to that trauma), and I actually have some compassion for them about that. It's a terrible thing that I would not wish on anyone. But that doesn't mean I know how to fix them or that my love and dedication and life energy will help or heal them even one iota. I've learned this the hard way.

    Compassion is essential in life, and yet we are each primarily responsible for the growth of only our own soul. For me, I finally know that it is impossible for me to give to the narcissist what he truly needs. Perhaps no one can give him that. Or if they can, he must genuinely ask for their help first. Only then is there hope of change or some kind of healing.

    That's my 2 cents, anyway.
    Last edited by ErtheVessel; 27th January 2019 at 06:31.

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    United States Avalon Member Whisper's Avatar
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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    ErtheVessel, I totaly agree to this :

    HTML Code:
    I do believe narcissism is a response to childhood trauma (and perhaps soul loss due to that trauma), and I actually have some compassion for them about that. It's a terrible thing that I would not wish on anyone. But that doesn't mean I know how to fix them or that my love and dedication and life energy will help or heal them even one iota. I've learned this the hard way.
    yes, by now I think like this too. And I really think it has to do in many cases, with a childhood trauma. My man talks way to often about his childhood or about times he was a teenager. Which is telling me how situations from his past are still upfront daily in his mind.

    I guess, those childhood traumas cause some to develope narcissistic habbits, others become highly sensitive.

    I don*t know anymore, where I read or did hear it..but it was said...the person...mostlikly did build up this narcissistic symptoms early in the childhood to protect themselfs........... or one parent was a narcissist already and children growing up in a field like this, often become narcissists themselves.

    I think narcissists need professional help to get out of this roller coaster they did often build up by themselves. And I believe it would be possible, for a good therapist to change at least some of their bad habbits. I don*t think it is a very harmonic living whatsoever to constantly think on how to get attention or response from others to build up the own unsecure selfesteem. Actually I think it is a very sad way to live. For the narcissist I believe there is still hope to find a healing.

    But the psychopaths, I don*t think so. The study showed they have a part in their brain shrinked or missing....and what is not there anymore or damaged...can not get rebuild.
    Last edited by Whisper; 27th July 2019 at 01:55.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Yes, Whisper, it's true. The lost time does not come back.

    I, too, think it may be possible for some narcissists to be helped by therapy, but I think that the narcissist has to deeply want that therapy. That is something only the narcissist can choose for himself.

    I wish you so much courage and strength and many blessings in any move you make to reclaim your life and step forward into freedom. It can be done, and you are now so much wiser as a consequence of your difficult journey.

    Be very careful, and always know you are worth it.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey


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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    ..deleted post.....
    Last edited by Whisper; 27th July 2019 at 01:56.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Quote Posted by Whisper (here)
    Uh, does not look to good for me right now. Guess I have to postphone my plan, to leave, for right now. See, the thing is not only the narcisstic attitude my partner has. He has another mental problem. He has mania episodes. In his case a mania episode stays about 6 - 8 weeks until it stops. One just started yesterday again. And now I do feel sorry for his condition again. He did talk a lot about his childhood yesterday again..hours. I could not stop him. He has the urge to talk all the time right now. He really needs some help. I can not just walk away and leave him like this.

    Any idea on what I could do? He is hooked to the VA, where I did call yesterday already. But not much help from there so far.
    This is precisely why he started a manic episode, so that you will stay.

    this does not mean that the mania episodes are not true, they probably are and are based on stress. Losing one's slave who gives you the center of attention is quite stressful.

    My opinion (my ex husband also had manic episodes, I ended up so sick because I stayed much too long - when the mania will be on how to damage and harm you as much as possible because you dared leaving, you will not have pity anymore)

    Narcissists, if it is what he is, will never seek help or if they do, it will be out of manipulation. They are the good ones, you are the bad one.
    Last edited by Flash; 2nd February 2019 at 00:13.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Once the narcissist believes you're about to leave, the erratic behavior will increase, seemingly innocent at first.

    After enduring a beating from my ex-wife in front of my children and her oldest brother, I called the police. She was arrested and served a no contact order. I told the police after she was arrested that I couldn't believe that happened and I was glad it was over. The deputy looked me right in the eyes and said, Mr Wyatt it's just begun. I didn't know what he meant by that then, but I surely do now.

    I filed for divorce a few days after the beating in March, 2010, but went back because she was going to change. She was right in that it did change although the change was for the worst by a long shot. I filed for divorce the second time in April of 2011 and didn't look back!

    Whisper, I would like to say that it has just begun ...

    Be kind to yourself,

    J
    ďTo develop a complete mind: Study the art of science; study the science of art. Learn how to see. Realize that everything connects to everything elseĒ Ė Leonardo Da Vinci

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    It sounds like you are assuming he will improve, and then it will be OK for you to leave.
    But he might only get worse.
    And it could be that he instinctively knew you were thinking of leaving and that kicked in the neediness twice as much.

    Is there a point at which you would begin to put yourself and your own needs first?
    Do you know what that point is?
    Have you found anyone in your physical reality there who might be able to help you transition?
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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    .........
    Thanks to all of you for the informations and back up so far....it sure helps to hear your opinion........
    Last edited by Whisper; 27th July 2019 at 01:59.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Yes, he felt back into his childish behavior, knowing that you would stay. The savior with the victim. The mom..


    But, he is not your child. He is not a child.

    All we tell you are not opinions. They are experiences, which is 1000 times more worth listening than mere opinions.

    Why is it that victims of narcissists are so adept of blindness and self lying? (I know, I have been there)
    Last edited by Flash; 2nd February 2019 at 11:53.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey



    * What happens when you tell a narcissist itís over and done?

    *a narcissistís desire for you revolves around his need for you and your attention. Sometimes that means being sweet to you, causing drama, etc

    * love bombing - I need you. Youíre my soul mate. Iím so sorry I screwed up. they give presents or flowers to make up

    *when you end all contact, know they are coming back for you. they will lie and manipulate others to get to you. (expect other people to believe the narcissist and not you) you will be the evil one for leaving them when they needed you most

    * when love bombing doesnít work they hit you with narcissistic rage. they are volatile. sometimes screaming throwing things, physical abuse. when it happens stay away and donít give one bit of emotion. if you donít have children together then end all contact.

    * if you still donít give in they will expect you to pay. they will punish you. they may pick up someone else to make you jealous, steal from you, they will be mean to you, they will mess with your job or get you fired, they may try to get your family to turn against you. expect them to personally sabotage you. they know your triggers and weaknesses better than you and will use it against you.

    *they will do anything to make you feel alone in the world so that you will have no choice but to take them back.

    *narcissists donít change unless it temporarily suits them.

    *stay safe. physical abuse is a crime, if it happens call the police. find a shelter or domestic abuse support
    Last edited by Joe; 2nd February 2019 at 12:47.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Shelters for victims of domestic abuse often have free counseling and support groups, or could at least refer you to other sources of assistance.
    Women's support groups are usually free and even if you don't know any of the members personally, they can be very helpful.
    It really sounds like you need to reach out and get some support, even if it's only emotional support.
    Even small steps will lead to larger steps in time.
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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Whisper, here is another thought, in case it is useful to you.

    When you give a narcissist your attention and caring, he is never going to reciprocate. He craves attention and, unfortunately, it doesn't really matter who gives it to him. If you are a reliable and steady source of attention, he will want to hold on to you, because his survival depends upon someone's attention. It is not really specific to you, even though his manic and/or love-bombing phase may make you feel special and valued and appreciated. YOU are not special to him. The attention he is receiving from you is what he is seeking and insistent upon keeping and has nothing at all to do with you personally. This can be a very bitter realization.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    My thoughts from experience.
    We are all to some degree narcissists,most of us have are little talks with our ego and keep it under control.
    It is about me not them,its how I respond to what I perceive as there madness,gass lighting,total unreasonable accusations based on lies and fabrication.
    If you engage you lose, the more you engage the bigger the loss,never ever engage,be smart be calm,be love.
    Everybody will tell you there is no helping a narcissist,run away don't look back,get out,its not always possible especially if your the favoured target because your empathic or there your mum and dad sister or brother.
    Try these they really work,which then gives you the chance to help them and empower you at the same time.

    I know you think iam strange but I can live with that.
    Iam not always right nobody's perfect

    Make sure you have boundaries and they know what they are.

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    United States Avalon Member Whisper's Avatar
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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Yes, I think you all are right with your sayings. I have to straighten up my life somehow.


    I guess it is often like this, we believe what we want to believe and ignore the signs which tell us something different.
    Last edited by Whisper; 27th July 2019 at 02:00.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey


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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey


    Thereís one more game, ďThe Silence TreatmentĒ.
    Itís cruel and should not be used as punishment, or to correct a childís behavior. It creates confusion, sadness, anxiety and resentment. Itís a form of rejection that makes a child feel invisible. Children donít have the social development and skills to deal with such a situation.

    When you are in a relationship with a narcissist, a silence treatment can also be used to cheat on you. They found another source of supply meanwhile and are certainly not thinking of YOU.

    Just donít underestimate the power of a silence treatment. Itís warfare usage, like you are a POW. Itís proven torture, no jokes.

    The funny thing is, after the silent treatment they act like nothing ever happened.......

    Last edited by Deux Corbeaux; 9th February 2019 at 18:06. Reason: Add quote

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    So Iím going to jump in the deep end with my first personal post as this is a subject very close to my heart. After being in an abusive relationship for 7 Ĺ years, I only finally realised about 9 months ago that Iím actually in a relationship with a narcissist. If not full blown NPD, he is certainly quite heavily on the spectrum. I came across an article or a post on social media around that time and literally could not believe what I was reading Ė it was something like ďHow to Tell if you are in a Relationship with a NarcissistĒ and I found myself reading the story of my relationship. The scales started to fall away from my eyes. I cannot tell you the initial relief of discovering I was not mad, going insane or worse. I had been beating myself up for so long for being weak and feeling helpless, not realising I was trauma bonded and had been gas-lighted and emotionally abused to the point that my self esteem was shattered, I was exhausted all of the time and totally emotionally drained. I was a shell of my former self.

    Once the relief had worn off I started obsessively researching, reading and watching anything and everything I could get my hands on. Knowledge really is power in this case and it made it easier for me to identify triggers, detach from his behaviour and to try not to react to the constant baiting, put downs and all the other behaviours that accompany this destructive condition.

    I also discovered that I am hopelessly co-dependent. Having grown up with an alcoholic, narcissistic father and being relentlessly bullied in primary school, my sense of worthlessness and lack of self esteem was ingrained at an early age. Only now at the age of 46 am I starting to piece the shattered pieces of my life back together. I can totally see why I must have been a shining beacon that attracted this particular person into my life.

    Anyway, I digress. It was a big revelation to me to learn about co-dependency and not an easy thing to admit to myself. I had always felt that despite everything I had turned out ok, I have strength and stamina and have overcome many adverse situations in my life. This situation didnít happen overnight though, Iíve started referring to it as ďdeath by 1,000 paper cutsĒ. The first one stings a little but itís nothing you canít deal with, and on it goes until you are a bloody, unhealed mess of trauma. The walking wounded, but you canít work out how the hell you even got there. Then the wounds scab over and start to heal, only to be picked at by the narcissist and re-opened, re-traumatising you over and over again.

    So I am still with this man but am in the final stages (I hope) of breaking free. I wanted to share some of the articles that have helped me come to terms with my situation and have helped me to get to the right place psychologically. I especially wanted to share these with Whisper, I KNOW how difficult it is to break free Ė I am still in the process of doing it myself. Although I feel like Iím approaching the home strait, I still have bad days and wonder if Iím just kidding myself and Iíll never be free.

    When I came across this article I cannot tell you the relief that I felt and the support it gave me. One of the hardest things about suffering this kind of abuse is feeling like you cannot tell anyone because all they do is tell you to ďjust leaveĒ. This is a totally valid response and you know that of course you should leave and cannot believe that you havenít. I cannot tell you the hell I put myself through for having no respect for myself and allowing him to treat me like this. Itís a constant internal battle that had me thinking suicidal thoughts on many occasions. I have sent this article to some of my family and close friends to help them understand and it has worked. I can now talk about what is happening and they are not constantly pressuring me to just leave him and understand that I have to be ready and do it in my own time.

    https://selfcarehaven.wordpress.com/...use-survivors/

    Here are a few quotes that really stood out for me:

    "To the outside world, abuse survivors appear to face an easy decision: leave or stay in the abusive relationship as soon as they endure an emotionally or physically abusive incident. Internally, however, they struggle with cognitive dissonance, damaging conditioning from intermittent reinforcement, PTSD-like symptoms, trauma bonds, any previous trauma from past abusive relationships or experiencing abuse in their childhood, Stockholm syndrome, feelings of worthlessness and learned helplessness Ė just to name a few."

    "Not leaving sooner is not an indication or a measure of a victimís strength or intelligence. It has more to do with the severity of trauma they have experienced. This false narrative of how easy it is to end an abusive relationship is actually holding us back from creating safer spaces for survivors to feel validated, supported, and being able to speak out about their experiences Ė this support is essential to any victim in an abusive relationship."

    "Ending the relationship is made even more difficult if trauma from previous relationships or childhood exists. Itís a fact: children who grow up witnessing domestic violence within their own families have been reported to more likely to be victims of abusive relationships themselves. It may almost seem normalized because of the behaviors weíre unconsciously modelling from our childhood. We might identify with the victimized parent, or may even have promised ourselves we would never be like them, only to have unconsciously chosen a partner that has enabled us to attempt to ďfixĒ our past by attempting to fix our abusive partner."

    "They arenít psychologically ready to leave. Tony Robbins makes an astute observation in his book, Awaken the Giant Within: we only stop a bad habit or behavior when the pain of it far surpasses any pleasure or reward."


    "None of the best advice in the world can convince us until we feel that inner transformation and until we reach that turning point where we say to ourselves: Iíve had enough. I am enough. And so much better than this.Ē


    I wonít quote from this article but I have found this to be extremely helpful also:

    https://esteemology.com/dont-just-le...relationships/

    Every relationship is different and everyone has their own reasons and breaking points, for me a psychological shift absolutely had to take place. That involved cleaning up my act in many ways and taking responsibility for my part in the relationship. Iím getting to the place where I donít expect anything from him because itís not there to give. I didnít know this until very recently and have grieved for what I thought the relationship was. When Iím feeling weak and extremely low about it all I remind myself of this quote from another excellent article:

    ďYou will never feel truly loved. You will never feel comfortable. You will never feel safe.Ē

    https://esteemology.com/a-relationship-without-empathy/

    I hope I've embedded the links correctly - this is my first time posting anything with links to articles!

    Much love, IS x

  39. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to IndigoSpiral For This Post:

    ErtheVessel (19th February 2019), justntime2learn (19th February 2019), onawah (19th February 2019), Whisper (19th February 2019)

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