All advice welcome...

[sirdipswitch]

Your experience is quite typical of beginners, who don't know what they are doing or realising what they are doing. The two books that I mentioned, are "Adventures Beyond The body", and "The Secret Of The Soul", by William Buhlman. He has been a practitioner and teacher of Astral Projection, (OBE, out of body experience) for more than 40 years. His is the method that I used to get out of body the very first time. In his books he has listed many case histories of beginners experiences, and they are very similar to what you discribe. You are quite typical. Nothing to fear. Do NOT fear. You are normal. Your experience is normal. You just need to learn how to control it. Read the two books and learn. It's that simple.

Your boyfriend may enjoy the books also, and then the two of you can learn to go out of body together. Extremely joyous time for you my friend. Nothin to fear, or run off to the doctor about, that is unles you wanna wind up on drugs or in a nut house. ccc.

Here's the video that changed my life forever, when at 1:20 minutes into the video he said we are Immortal. This is William talking about OBE in a quick little 4:40 min interview about OBE. Enjoy!!!

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=wf-vMPn5TKE

[panopticon]

Posted by Zaya (here)

Posted by panopticon (here)
Have you thought that maybe stopping meditation for a while, at least until you can find a practitioner who is able to explain what is going on, might be a good idea? What happens if you don't meditate etc?

I never meditated again after the experience in January. It rises on its own accord now. I do not invite it consciously.

Posted by panopticon (here)
Have you spoken to your boyfriend about what is going on (or isn't it that kind of relationship)? What about other relatives (as long as they aren't the panicky screaming run around sort). Maybe you just need to be able to talk to someone... Remember that if there is a problem your friends and family may not be able to identify it.

I have. I do not keep anything from him. He is very supportive, but he doesn't understand it himself. I also believe I may be overwhelming him with it, so I try to keep it in more.

Posted by panopticon (here)
Walk slow and listen. Don't be a freak about it, like some weird Edward Scissorhands type character. Just get out and walk, stop for a while somewhere and listen to what's around you. Reconnect.

I am going to try to reconnect with nature more in general -- and this weekend. Thank you for reminding me!

G'day Zaya,

It sounds like you've got a plan. The reconnection with nature is always my first advice to anyone who is having a physiological problem that may have a psychological and/or metaphysical basis. You did describe the symptoms of a type of panic attack quite well in one section of your opening post however that doesn't mean, as you noted, that you actually were having a panic attack.

Might I suggest having a read of Tim's thread as there may be some parts that are of use to you:
Enlightenment - A direct, succinct account of what occurs...

Also, as a reference, maybe this introductory text on Chinese Religions and this text on early Quanzhen Daoism might be of assistance (both are written in a scholarly way) in introducing some thought that may be unfamiliar to you.

Within Daoist meditative practices there are a number of problems related to those practices that are addressed early in the learning process. Similarly these are mentioned in Yogic, Dzogchen, Bon and other internal/esoteric &/or tantric traditions. In some instances novice practitioners who have not been advised of these dangers may have problems (and those who ignore advice can as well).

My advice, again, is get in contact with nature (which you've said you had planned on doing), if symptoms persist visit a respectable/respected practitioner/centre and get their advice on what is happening to you. If you are unable to function then see a respectable health professional for advice (btw, this includes well regarded Reiki practitioners if they are from a recognised branch of the tradition and been practising for a reasonable length of time [ie at least a decade]).

Just as a question, you made mention that you "may be overwhelming him [your boyfriend] with it". Are you referring to a physical manifestation of an energetic nature and/or a type of emotional dependence on him? If a physical manifestation then you need to see someone who can guide you through this problem.

Please understand that there are way too many personal things that are not suitable to talk to strangers about on an open thread. That is why it is important for you, if the walking in nature practice I mentioned is not of assistance, to seek assistance from someone who is able to essentially guide you through this time. I have absolutely no idea whether you are having a profound spiritual awakening or if something else is occurring. No matter the problem, if you are unable to function seek the assistance of a professional healthcare practitioner.

I hope this has been useful.

-- Pan

[Rich]

Zaya, I asked the same question to tim, he posted it near the end of his thread https://projectavalon.net/forum4/show...l=1#post820742

[TraineeHuman]

I've experienced something similar in the past, Zaya. If you listen to the great video ljwheat has kindly provided, as I'm sure you will, part of what it's saying, in many different ways, and ever so eloquently, is just trust yourself, that basically you're very OK and there's nothing to fear about what's happened to you. There's no problem at all about discovering the true inner you.

I spent several decades getting very detailed "advice", and endless teaching, and exercises, and "alternative" therapy, and so on and so forth. Even quite a lot from benevolent ET beings outside the physical realm. The trouble is, almost every giver of advice who's supposedly some kind of "expert" tends to claim they have the truth and they know better than you. For instance, one of the scores of teachers or advisors I worked with intensively for months or years used to say my basic problem was that I was "compulsively exteriorized from my body" all of the time. (He was an ex-scientologist, so he used funny terminology like that.) I now know that he was largely wrong. He was talking about something I had that sounds very, very similar to what you have. It took me decades to fully learn how to reconcile this detached clarity and simplicity with ordinary life, but I probably needed decades. And in retrospect, I now know that being able to stably see everything from a point of view outside your body (in addition to the ordinary point of view, in your body) is nothing but enormous strength, if you naturally or instinctively have some degree of control or mastery of it.

Looking back in retrospect today, I suspect I knew better, at least regarding myself, than nearly all the expert advice givers. All false modesty aside. So I would say, do work with as truly expert and gifted a meditation teacher as you can find. But always stay open to the possibility that in most ways you could be wiser and more aware and less narrow than them -- at least regarding what's best for you. Maybe you'll eventually learn, as I did, that a lot of what they do is give you partial or imperfect advice, until eventually you realize this and you eventually see, from this, that only you can give yourself the advice you really need.

[Wind]

How does a spontaneous Kundalini awakening happen?

"What does a Kundalini spontaneous awakening mean? It means I didn’t look for it, I didn’t know it wasn’t happening and in the beginning I didn’t have vaguest idea of what I was going through.

Heck, I was an atheist. “God” was a far-off concept that baffled me. You know, the standard questions. How could there be a "God" with all the suffering? With all the injustice? How could some divine spirit look down over this mess we/she/he created and not do something?

But, as it turns out, I think there is now. A divine spirit, that is. Why? Kundalini is not a secular situation. If you don’t believe in anything bigger than you and you awake Kundalini, there’s a good likelihood you’ll end up in a mental institution or seriously medicated.

Kundalini, once ignited, is the jet propulsion practice of spirituality.

“Hello, welcome to Kundalini! You will be working through all your psychological issues today…and for the rest of your life. The goal will be to resolve and let go of them in order to align yourself with the path of a greater power. You will have some astonishing insights, and if you translate them into your life you will make tremendous progress toward your goal. Once you have solved one problem, you will have another to solve. If you fight this process -- and believe me almost everyone does to some extent -- well, there's going to be some pain to be honest with you...actually, a lot of pain...sorry!

"All of this will be controlled by Goddess Kundalini – an upward driving force that will be working its way through your system with the force of a fire hose turned up to full.

"It is likely that some of you will find you have some unusual capabilities once you are awakened. You may find yourself with psychic capabilities. Or you may be able to move energy around – in people or objects. If you decide to develop these capabilities – it would be wise to use them with good intention. After all, remember that “karma” is now your middle name!”

Note that not everyone experiences Kundalini this way. K is a very individualized process unique to each individual experiencing it. Most likely the only single commonality is that driving upward force in one's system that resembles nothing else.

So why was I "awakened?" Particularly since I had no desire to do that?

There are a few theories around spontaneous awakenings. Someone has recently been exploring the connection between Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder – particularly chronic PTSD, in which category I fit -- and the awakening of Kundalini. Chronic PTSD comes from a long term abuse situation where the subject can’t process the trauma – as in childhood abuse.

It seems logical if you think about it. If you were abused or neglected on a regular basis by your parents and were punished for having any emotional reaction around that – you have stashed that emotional energy somewhere in your body. Well accepted therapies now acknowledge that we may stash emotional “memory” in muscles and even bones, and massage may be recommended for those who are trying to resolve childhood trauma.

But if you can’t resolve it at all or ever – well, it’s stuck in there. And the longer it’s stuck, the more that pressure-cooker energy builds up in your system. Some people with chronic abuse histories get sick, some people get depressed, and finally some people (I have some theories as to who) will finally HAVE to process it. The energy will explode out of their systems – forcing them to deal with what they’ve denied until now. The explosion is Kundalini.

I spent 45 years denying I had any problems. I’ve spent 15 years with Kundalini processing my past and those problems. (I am hoping it does not take another 30 years.) About a month ago I finally began to forgive my parents. That was a huge relief. And there is no way I could have gotten there if it hadn’t been for Kundalini. No matter how much therapy I did it wouldn’t have been enough.

In Kundalini one of the parallel theories to the psych one is that we have a container in our first chakra (the bottom one at the coccyx) that holds all our unexplored potential, unresolved trauma, unexpressed joys…etc. As long as the container is sealed all those things remain in homeostasis – balanced – we deal somehow. But if the container gets disturbed or overtaxed – it ruptures and releases that energy upward. This is the image of the Kundalini “serpent” uncoiling, raising its head and shooting its rays upward when Kundalini is awakened. In order to release the potential part – first you’ll have to resolve the trauma."

[Zaya]

Posted by panopticon (here)
Just as a question, you made mention that you "may be overwhelming him [your boyfriend] with it". Are you referring to a physical manifestation of an energetic nature and/or a type of emotional dependence on him? If a physical manifestation then you need to see someone who can guide you through this problem.

Please understand that there are way too many personal things that are not suitable to talk to strangers about on an open thread. That is why it is important for you, if the walking in nature practice I mentioned is not of assistance, to seek assistance from someone who is able to essentially guide you through this time. I have absolutely no idea whether you are having a profound spiritual awakening or if something else is occurring. No matter the problem, if you are unable to function seek the assistance of a professional healthcare practitioner.

I was referring to an emotional dependance. He is so loving and open to me and does not judge me for what I tell him, but he has not experienced any of it for himself, and watching me crack under the pressure is hard for him. I am not trying to keep things from him, just trying to cut back on leaning on him when I am feeling "crazy" if you will so that he doesn't feel overwhelmed emotionally since he does not know how to help.

I also agree about not getting TOO personal here. I almost put it under the members only forums Perhaps I should have, but oh well. Perhaps some lurker may gain something from this if they are suffering too. I definitely have decided to leave out the details of my awakening to the therapist for now at least. I will focus on the emotional issues that got me there.

[Zaya]

Posted by Wind (here)
[SIZE="2"][FONT="Verdana"]It seems logical if you think about it. If you were abused or neglected on a regular basis by your parents and were punished for having any emotional reaction around that – you have stashed that emotional energy somewhere in your body. Well accepted therapies now acknowledge that we may stash emotional “memory” in muscles and even bones, and massage may be recommended for those who are trying to resolve childhood trauma.

But if you can’t resolve it at all or ever – well, it’s stuck in there. And the longer it’s stuck, the more that pressure-cooker energy builds up in your system. Some people with chronic abuse histories get sick, some people get depressed, and finally some people (I have some theories as to who) will finally HAVE to process it. The energy will explode out of their systems – forcing them to deal with what they’ve denied until now. The explosion is Kundalini.

Wow. This is exactly where I am right now. I had long term emotional abuse. Actually, the event that happened RIGHT before the "awakening" of my Kundalini was me having a complete emotional breakdown as I suddenly faced all of my repressed childhood emotional abuse and how I had hidden it from myself for years. I never thought about the idea of having PTSD from my childhood, but this seems like a very real option.

Wind, it sounds like you and I share a whole lot based off of what you wrote. Thank you so much.

[Wind]

Posted by Zaya (here)
Wind, it sounds like you and I share a whole lot based off of what you wrote. Thank you so much.

You're welcome, but it is not my writing. If you click on the title, it will take you to a blog about the subject of kundalini. I've never had any spontaneous kundalini activation, but I have seen it how it has affected people close to me and how they were institutionalized and medicated because it was too much for their psyche. During my meditations I have sometimes felt intense energy going my nervous system, but I don't think that any kundalini force has fully activated in me. Or at least I'm not aware of it. I've had my share of emotional trauma, though it has not been very severe... Although it probably has had some effects on me and my personality. I still probably have of my own demons to face (i.e. fears), so to speak. Acceptance, letting go and forgiveness have been my teachers.

[Zaya]

Ah! I somehow skipped over the link and thought you were writing that yourself. My mistake. Very helpful, nonetheless!

[Milneman]

Zaya, welcome!

A couple of questions:

Have you now or in the past ever used narcotics?
Have you now or in the past smoked cigarettes?
Do you or anyone in your family have a history of heart disease/stroke?
You mentioned having experiences with panic attacks, and later PTSD. What brought on the panic attacks, and have you at any time taken any prescribed medications for this or any other mental condition?
Have you ever had the help/counsel of a medical professional in the psychiatric profession?

Just the facts, ma'am. And welcome to Avalon.

[Zaya]

Have you now or in the past ever used narcotics? I was given loritabs after a minor surgery once. Only took a few. Other than that, no.
Have you now or in the past smoked cigarettes?Unfortunately, yes. I used to be a smoker, but I have been cigarette free for about a year and a half.
Do you or anyone in your family have a history of heart disease/stroke? No.
You mentioned having experiences with panic attacks, and later PTSD. What brought on the panic attacks, and have you at any time taken any prescribed medications for this or any other mental condition? They started years ago, but I don't remember why. About the PTSD, that was just something someone suggested that I had many symptoms of. I have never been diagnosed for it, and do not know whether I actually have it. I take a small dose of paxil for anxiety right now, though.
Have you ever had the help/counsel of a medical professional in the psychiatric profession? No, but I have set myself up to do so.

[Valley]

Greetings Zaya... The first suggestion I would have for you is to realize that you have gotten yourself into this "situation", and you can get yourself out of it... or transform it into something else completely different. Perhaps you may also have a "fear" of leaving behind your old ways of thinking which are challenged by this new "experience"... I don't get the sense that there is actually anything "wrong" with this you are going through. The next time you go to sleep you can try telling yourself that you are going to see how you can work with this powerful "energy"... and when it appears again, try focusing in on it and see how you may be able to shift it around in your body and learn to work with it. I have had very similar experiences and learned that this energy can be consciously directed easily while it is happening... and when it is done I feel very healthy in the body and mind.

Perhaps you can explain more details about this energy and exactly what it feels like when it is happening?
Thank you...

[GloriousPoetry]

Zaya,


The entire doctrine about kundalini is put into question in the book I suggested earlier to you......Our Universal Journey by George Kavassalias... I ran into this book last summer and it opened a wider and broader perspective on the subject of Kundalini. Yes my kundalini experience ten years ago was extremely traumatic for me too.......so much I can say to you about my experience but I will tell you this........this energy is not organic as most people in the new age movement believe it to be....it's connected to the planet Saturn as it was revealed to me at the time of its spontaneous rising but I didn't run into anything relating it to Saturn until last summer when I read the book Our Universal Journey......

[Zaya]

Posted by GloriousPoetry (here)
Zaya,


The entire doctrine about kundalini is put into question in the book I suggested earlier to you......Our Universal Journey by George Kavassalias... I ran into this book last summer and it opened a wider and broader perspective on the subject of Kundalini. Yes my kundalini experience ten years ago was extremely traumatic for me too.......so much I can say to you about my experience but I will tell you this........this energy is not organic as most people in the new age movement believe it to be....it's connected to the planet Saturn as it was revealed to me at the time of its spontaneous rising but I didn't run into anything relating it to Saturn until last summer when I read the book Our Universal Journey......

Thank you for your input. I will have to see about that book. There is something I inherently trust about the kundalini doctrine. A lot of this has to do with how traumatic my experience was with it. I did not ask for it. I was not looking for any kind of spiritual awakening. I don't necessarily think it ISN'T true... I just think there must be something we are inherently misinterpreting about it. It certainly did not feel "organic" to me. It felt like more of a crisis of the spirit than anything else. I would love to check this reading out. Thank you.

[Zaya]

Posted by Valley (here)
Greetings Zaya... The first suggestion I would have for you is to realize that you have gotten yourself into this "situation", and you can get yourself out of it... or transform it into something else completely different. Perhaps you may also have a "fear" of leaving behind your old ways of thinking which are challenged by this new "experience"... I don't get the sense that there is actually anything "wrong" with this you are going through. The next time you go to sleep you can try telling yourself that you are going to see how you can work with this powerful "energy"... and when it appears again, try focusing in on it and see how you may be able to shift it around in your body and learn to work with it. I have had very similar experiences and learned that this energy can be consciously directed easily while it is happening... and when it is done I feel very healthy in the body and mind.

Perhaps you can explain more details about this energy and exactly what it feels like when it is happening?
Thank you...

I would agree that I have some fear of leaving behind my old ways of thinking. The journey chose me and I was not looking for new understanding. I am currently in a very strange place between accepting many ideas that totally change my perception on reality but being too afraid to personally EXPERIENCE the change in perception. Does that make any sense?

In other words, I believe we can leave our bodies, that we are light bodies, that there are other dimensions, etc. But, as soon as this feeling manifests in the first person (aka "I" am leaving my body" I have a total fight or flight reaction.

As far as the physical symptoms, my whole body vibrates and resonates like crazy. It is so intense that my chest actually physically heats wayyyy up. It's a lot like the feeling of being electrocuted on a small scale. That kind of vibration. This tends to mostly occupy my chest/neck/head. It tends to be in one or the other, moving about. I have tinnitus, and it seriously increases during these spells. I also see visual snow - clouds of colors floating all over the place (makes it very hard to sleep because it is so intense). The colors that I see most often are purple/magenta, an off-white/gray, and a greenish color. They are like tunnel-clouds in my vision at night. (Not every night. Only nights with the intense vibrations).

[GloriousPoetry]

Zaya,

The whole experience of Kundalini is very much true...but there is more to the picture than what we are conditioned to believe about it.....the kundalini doctrine is also a limited perspective of a wider and bigger picture.......if you do read the book Our Universal Journey be prepared to be disturbed but remember that your soul essence is in control and ask that you be protected from that center of your own knowing...

I also went through a lot of emotional and mental cleansing regarding my childhood when kundalini arose in me ten years ago.....so much healing and processing in the last ten years......you are not alone.... Today I believe kundalini to be another layer of getting to the truth of who we are in this universe....


Many Blessings,

GLORIA

[Valley]

I see... this sounds very powerful, and beautiful... and very similar to what I have experienced with this almost overpowering energy. The colors purple/magenta are considered very transforming and healing... in color therapy... and green is also healing with new growth, I think. You might want to look up Color Therapy and find out more details on this. The next time it happens, try mentally moving the energy down your body to a more comfortable area, maybe all the way out through your feet... learn to work with it, instead of fearing it. This should put you much more at ease when you realize that you do have control over it.

[Zaya]

Posted by GloriousPoetry (here)
Zaya,

The whole experience of Kundalini is very much true...but there is more to the picture than what we are conditioned to believe about it.....the kundalini doctrine is also a limited perspective of a wider and bigger picture.......if you do read the book Our Universal Journey be prepared to be disturbed but remember that your soul essence is in control and ask that you be protected from that center of your own knowing...

I also went through a lot of emotional and mental cleansing regarding my childhood when kundalini arose in me ten years ago.....so much healing and processing in the last ten years......you are not alone.... Today I believe kundalini to be another layer of getting to the truth of who we are in this universe....


Many Blessings,

GLORIA

EDITED: I got my hands on a copy of it. I am trying to read so much right now, but I think maybe this should be at the top of my list?

[Zaya]

Posted by Valley (here)
I see... this sounds very powerful, and beautiful... and very similar to what I have experienced with this almost overpowering energy. The colors purple/magenta are considered very transforming and healing... in color therapy... and green is also healing with new growth, I think. You might want to look up Color Therapy and find out more details on this. The next time it happens, try mentally moving the energy down your body to a more comfortable area, maybe all the way out through your feet... learn to work with it, instead of fearing it. This should put you much more at ease when you realize that you do have control over it.

Thank you, Valley. I am definitely working on trying to control/convert my fear of it to see it as beautiful. I am taking it slowly.

[Zaya]

Just wanted to update this thread to re-thank all of you who offered advice back when I posted this. I know it hasn't been that long, but I feel I have already made big strides toward healing and transforming from this. I am no longer afraid of the energy. I have worked on guided meditations via youtube and spotify as well as just doing my own kind of meditation. I have also read the book Adventures Out of the Body by William Bullham, another book called Kundalini Rising, and am starting Our Universal Journey this week.

However, the most important stride I have taken is in actively reprogramming my response to this energy. I have been working on turning my fear response into a love response and that has made all the difference. I have been sort of doing my own affirmations about being in control of my emotions and choosing the way I feel. This has been critical for me. I also chose to go on a vegetarian diet because all of the books I have been reading suggest it for your spiritual journey. I also had been planning this change to be in "in the future" for years.

I do not consider myself "enlightened" yet, but I am not afraid anymore and I am working every single day toward understanding. On a personal note, I believe I have developed "Adrendal Burnout Syndrome" also called "Adrenal Fatigue" from the fight or flight responses I had in my panic in the beginning from all of this, which is a huge bummer. When your adrenal glands work too hard and too often, this can happen. It is extremely typical of people with PTSD and panic attack disorders. I basically fall into all of the symptoms. Sucky part is that it can take more than a year or so to heal from it in extreme cases. (For those of you curious, here is a nice site explaining what adrenal burnout is: http://www.arltma.com/Articles/BurnoutDoc.htm) Anyone else here experienced this from their awakenings? Or is it just me?

I want to thank you all again in helping me on my journey along the way here. Cheers to being a work in progress!