I felt a strong need to check in tonight to explain in my own words how things have been for me and how I have interpreted them.
After around 4 months of sickness I think I am finally starting to show definite signs of recovery, although it is too soon to say for sure, I feel confident this is the case.
The state I was in for especially the most recent 2 months, and the silence around me during this time, in contrast to the momentum I had in my life beforehand, really clarified a lot of things for me - it taught me a powerful lesson I will never forget.
We must never forget that we are all, at the end of the day, acting out of good intentions, and that is all that really matters. The best formula for getting all of our good intentions working together is one of the utmost simplicity, I now realize.
It's just as well if what we are doing here ties in to however long a list of other things, future dates, phenomena, etc., but it is what we are doing here, all on its own, that is what has brought us together. It's what brought a tear to my eye the few times I was able to come check the forum and see all these people who care so much about me, it really has.
I came to see it as a symbol representing the very inner core element of what could lead to this projects incredible success - if we were only able to all come together to recognize it - that feeling of empathy to one another, all those in the world with good intentions, and the well-being of the earth itself, our host.
I vowed by this symbol that I would never give up, I would put all my will into recovering so I could work on a longer, more content-rich meditation file for the summer meditations, and that it would have to simply be ready when it was ready, however long it took.
In the days and weeks I spent in total silence, strangely I got one of my long-time wishes, of being able to zoom "out" of the macro of reality further into the ineffable, where I realize now exists the foundation for a telepathic means of communication at some point in the future.
We do away with all of the excesses keeping our minds occupied, and put together what pieces we have of this quasi-unsolvable puzzle on a strictly "as-needed" basis:
- group meditation with a unifying material that affects everyone strongly will yield significant results (and i vow that i will absolutely recover to be able to create such a file)
- there are other phenomena and future possibilities seemingly revolving around such events as synchronized group meditation suggesting something very amazing will come of all of this, something that excites the heart when we just "leave it at that", let the mystery have its way, not bother to try to explain it all when at best all we can do is speculate
and that's it! i realize that this process away from duality and through singularity into the ineffable is exactly one of this kind of a process - a return to constantly reflecting on how one's and others intentions factor into any and all situations, a way of insisting we do not reduce infinitely abstract feelings of situations into communicable categorical boundaries, and so on.
i realize that i simply want to go "into" the art: into the soundscape, the visual textures of nature and reflecting light, and most of all into those abstract feelings that are shared in the most curiously fleeting of manners best: ie when we are meditating and appreciating nature together as many of us will in the months to come, being able to whisper to them "can you feel 'that' too?" and having them say "yes!". you both know that what 'that' is just cannot be put into words.
and so there is the great irony after all: such a notion is entirely contradictory to the nature of the unusual way communication has involved thanks to the proliferation of information and percentage of overall human communication over the internet - in our own good intentions, we add always more fuel to the fire of the metaphorical steam engine, and inevitably the steam engine begins to accelerate out of control.
to be perfectly honest i see this as a common element of many aspects of the new age movement, and yet inevitably i always go back to the important base notion that for the most part, it is still and always has been based off of entirely good intention.
it's just that we largely do not know what to do with our mutual good intentions!
this is to say, can a consensus of the utmost simplicity be reached by us all?
- a moving, significantly long audio file that does not wear itself out over repeated listenings, to be used throughout the coming season?
- a coordination of effort to be willing to agree to set aside what we would like to tie such an effort into (by good intentions of course), and just have it act entirely in its own right, in doing so quite possibly attracting the largest demographic since we would have the fewest possible "i like the idea but i don't agree with aspect X so i would rather not participate" cases?
i feel i might have overspoken my thoughts a bit here, it's just been frustrating to have been forced not to be able to participate for so long, and all the things that have happened since then! i wanted to be able to commit to participate permanently again when i was able to first come back, hopefully i will still be able to!
i must say i just remembered i have even dreamed recently about the exact notion i am trying to get at here, it was a sequence of someone being absolutely taken by a striking piece of artwork, specifically a beautiful natural landscape like
with profound ambient music playing quietly in the background, like the stuff i imagine us one day having our meditations to (both harmonically rich and emotionally melodic at once),
and suddenly they are being pulled into it (not the art or the music but "both", as a single whole), and it is a symbol to represent our world going into the creative energy. i imagined afterwards even that promotion materials of our project bearing something to this effect. (thus being about seamless integration with nature and ambience, something that i imagine a vast majority of the percentage of the population on earth could all relate to equally, no matter what "scene" they are from)
since THAT, that is what i hope we are focusing on, the simple, dateless, pheonomena-less, aspect of going into the light/creative energy all on its own, that is the key here.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with any amount of discussion and speculation as to details of these circumstances, of course, but what is crucial is that since such details are not central to the fundamental aspect of this mystical energy attracting us all equally regardless of our prior circumstances (like moths towards the flame), that to involve them with this most central aspect itself is perhaps to necessarily limit it in its overall scope of potential.
i really hope what i am trying to say is clear the way i meant to express it. these thoughts have been circulating around in my mind for weeks if not months, and i have dreamed things that felt the same way this feels more often than i can count.
hoping to hear from others who might agree something to this effect is perhaps just what we need to boost this project towards the point of no return...
take care everyone,
i hope i can return again as soon as possible, and if all goes well, for good...
thank you SO much everyone for all of your concern, energy, and intention you have sent my way. I am positive it has made a deciding difference in my future, and i will never forget it!