Twice Born, wonderful, very similar to my way of thinking.
We fear LOSS, loss is associated with pain, suffering, hurt. We are doing it backwards, we believe that what we give away we lose and so we give nothing out and so there is no flow which causes a block and we stagnate. This causes Dis-ease; disease; caused by a state of inbalance. What we give away as with the law of cause and effect we get back, whether good, bad or indifferent, positive, negative, neutral. When you give freely, unconditionaly with no regard for self or the outcome we invariably receive. When we give in order to get we will be let down, because our expectation of what we should receive will always fall short and so we feel let down, rejected, hurt, fearful. We then want to try to control our external world believing that if we can control people and events we can stop ourselves experiencing loss and the pain associated with it. We need to heal our childhood wounds by revisiting the night of the dark soul and dealing with the emotions of our childhood that have been driving our lives, children are not supposed to drive. Start here:
http://www.joy2meu.com/Innerchildhealing.html
http://www.joy2meu.com/Codependence1.html