Forum problems and frustrations along members, and some solutions

[peterh]

In all forums are the same problems well known, ha mostly hard and even arrogant quality of the talks.
I think there are various problems witch course this quality. The main one is self-evident loudmouthnes and arrogance, so typical egoism problems. But even the way of the communication is a big part of the problem. The text based communication excludes every other information's ike personal contact, sound of the voice, mimic of the face, body language, even the time between of speak and replays et. This course a more harder way to speak, and instinctively people behave a little bit "louder" to be herded, to compensate this filing of disconnection distance and reduction of physical presence.
A other problem is sarcasm, specially because there is no body language and all to complete the message. So text sometimes are understood mach more harder and arrogant, then the persons really mean it. Even a harmless jock can be understood badly because of the leeck of more communication information's. The reaction is the even more sarcasm and more hardness and the spiral of take the quality down turns around and around, and the situation escalate to frustration. It creates a typical battle situation witch become more and more worse, because everybody tray to defend him self and tray to throw pack the violation.
Even the quality that a person literally can say everything hi wants without get problems or even some slaps on his mouth, allows to behave like a little kid screaming for attention, because there is no danger to take consequences. Nobody gona beat you up, even if you behave like a ....
All this and some more attributes make the forum communication difficult. (i wrote only 3 time something on wikipedia, the way of arrogance and policing around was so bad that i don't waste me time to fight whit bigmouths and "bureaucrat police forces". I think wikipedia has loose a lot of good people because of bad behaving disrespect and arrogance, but anyway get through to set up some useful infos.)

This problems in communication can be saved, and for forums this can help to defend people against missandersading and spirals of quality take down, and overkill of self-defense. You mast expect that because of the miss of all other communication infos and reduced on text, everything is taken 1:1, and maybe even as a rood attack, even wen it is not intended so. And this cause a expectation of attack, and increase the problems, and people get more and more touchy.
First, let out any kind of sarcasm if possible. It reaches the other side wit match more poison the maybe intended. Sarcasm even course the expectation of sarcasm where ther is non, and make the misunderstanding even more difficult.
Take the "volume" down. Be aware that everybody has the instinct to let him self be heard, because of the very poor form of text communication witch blend out all other information's normally are pressed in almost all other communication forms.
Take the loudness and the quality of sarcasm even down, if you read a text. If a attack is nor really obvious and aggressive, expect then the person on the other side would give you a singe of bodylanguage, that you don't have to take it 1:1. Or expect the same situation like somebody witch listen music with headset and scream to you. So you don't fall in the trap of escalation in self defense and arrogance.
Disconnect you emotions and your ego so mach you can. It is only a form, and don't waste your lifetime whit fights. If a situation is really bad, don't waste your time to write only one letter. People witch behave bad have obviously no self reflection. To explain them there behavior is only understood as a other attack witch has to be defended. And if your opinions are so differed, you will not came together so let it be and let everybody go his way, you have but to follow them and they done have to follow you. If you feel you have to give a statement, give exactly 1, witch describe your point of view accurately. 1, everything more is wasted time.

This don't help to clean up arrogance and disrespect. But in this situation we have to understand, the reason way we have so mach tyranny problems on this world is egoism. Egoism is the reason for all so called "evil" in small and extremely big. And you can not expect in any place on earth, specially not in a anonymous place like a form, to have no Egoism issues. And if some people like to speak from "positivism", if you get attacked, it is the situation to train real positivism and not only speak from it.


And for forum runners. If you start a forum, you mast know what waits on you, or you will learn it then by doing. A forum is a Public and not a private place and should keep public and not like a privet party you select all guests carefully. But even a restaurant is a public place, and of people behave totally bad and completely unacceptable, you have the right to throw them out. Important is only if you delete or bann, that very bad behavior and not information or opinions are the reason for. Everybody can run his one forum and homepage and put his opinions there, so "free speech" as a argument for verbal fighters is not touched.
Exactly like this, i a agree strongly: http://projectavalon.net/forum/showp...5&postcount=12
And expect even disinfo agents, even if i sometime think we are disinformante our self without the help of agents very "good". Learn to detect them and share the experiences and knowledges. And the best way to stop there influence is in our self, detecting egoism in as and kick him out, as the cancer and parasite in our ego hi is. Egoism is what manipulators tray to access, if there is non, there is no power of manipulation anymore. How to practice Introspection is maybe something witch should by describe here very well...
So manage a forum not like a private party in you one haus where everybody witch is not infatuated or behave badly is fiered immediately out (> private Wiki). But dread it like a restaurant or hotel open for everybody, but you are still the owner of the place and you have the right to make the rules. If you fail to do this wisely, you loose simply your members, but life still continue for everybody. Our ego issues has to be handled, and mostly this is like to work as a therapist, sad but true.


And i would like to mention again this threat (Avalon Wiki for selected writers only): http://projectavalon.net/forum/showthread.php?t=5042
This is the place for clean and well organized texts and a private environment without discussions, only for people witch don't need rules and control, and publicly readable for everyone.

[THE eXchanger]

I think, your english is fabulous.

Unfortunately, a lot of people do NOT see,
or, do NOT realise,
that another person, can NOT see us,
as, we type a response

so, the frown/or, even the smile
or even a smirk
DOES NOT COME in, on the post

sometimes, people do NOT realise how powerful
their words are

perhaps, a good rule,
is this, if you can NOT improve on the posting,
then, it is better to be silent - and, NOT post

and, to be caring/cosiderate/kind and
thoughful to others -- and, to appreciate others

even those,
who have different beliefs, and,
different truths, since, NEITHER person,
may KNOW the real truth
so-we are simply discussing ideas/and, thoughts,
that may/or may NOT lead us, to actual solutions & truths

and, to respect others
and, if you can NOT, just do NOT comment

as, what does NOT work for you...
might just work for another,
and, it might NOT

so, ask yourself,
if this considerate/and, kind,
and, if it is NOT,
asking first, why do i need to make this comment

do we have a right,
to shot down another person's idea
and, do it, with a mean heart / or, is, there a better way
to also, enter our ideas, into the equation,
and, doing it nicely

anyway; it is important; that all of us,
move out of the mode of frustration,
and, into the mode of putting out, as, much good stuff
as, we can, that will be helpful to others

love/susan
the eXchanger