TheDisinhibitedBrain
13th August 2018, 13:25
Hello, again, everyone!
After much debate, I’ve decided to continue to publish my interactions with the “voices,” as they have been significantly louder since posting my first exposition on them July 28th (If you haven’t read my first post, please read ‘A Plea From A Sane Individual”). You know you’re doing something right when they get desperate, bombastic, and much more frequent and louder than before. So, I will continue where I left off.
Per my post, Bill Ryan emailed me with some suggestions to grow a more rotund, documented series of events so that other people in my situation have: A) sound mind that they’re not alone, and B) encouragement to also step in and document their own experiences with the voices.
In order to attain both control of the situation and tangible evidence of their pattern, I followed Bill’s suggestion to record what they say, ask them the questions, and it proved to be a very well received methodology on my behalf. Below is the transcript from August 8th, 2018, 12:15 - 1:15 pm (located at the end of this post).
Basically, ever since approaching this unbelievable phenomenon from a purely statistical, research prospective to try to find their weaknesses, triggers, patterns, and levels of authority, I have felt much more in control of what used to be a completely crippling never-ending assault on my mind.
I’m still so very uneasy about even posting this, or saying that something like this could ever happen. I have my Masters degree. I was accepted for my PhD, which I initially accepted but deferred because it was 100K. I run two departments of an organization. I’m disabled, so I know how to deal with truly debilitating situations (CRPS is an incurable disability that makes the affected person experience the most pain literally able to be experienced by man, and on a constant basis). I eschewed any belief in god at a very early age (2nd grade), because I couldn’t believe what I couldn’t see. I mention these to build some sort of credibility that I never believe in this supernatural-sounding stuff, whatsoever. So, to say this is even remotely within my realm of belief if I hadn’t personally lived through it, I’d never believe a word of it myself and totally dismiss this as some type of psychosis. Naturally, once I realized I wasn’t a nutcase after about a year of stalking, and ruled out any mental illness by a variety of doctors, I looked at this situation like I would any other: what are the variables? How can I prove this? What are the indications of this, approached as a study?
I quickly picked up on their means of transmission: frequencies. They would almost solely be audible when there was a consistent frequency creating noise: the air conditioning being on, a fan, the water in the shower, the consistent hum of the dishwasher, and so on. The louder, the more clear they became. However, without these type of conduits for their inundation of perverse, repetitive, mundane, threatening messages, they were barely, if at all, audible. My first variable was designated: frequencies as a means of transmission.
What I wish to establish now is a database, or reference compilation, of interactions with the voices. Once a week, if not more often, I will post updates in the hopes of reaching out to other “Targeted Individuals” who are going through the same type of inhume torture. If we build a community of people willing to speak up about their experiences, we might be able to create a solid case against the perpetrators who stalk us.
Furthermore, I wish to extract details from others: do they have spinal cord stimulator implants, pacemakers, etc. that are surgically implanted within them to provide easy access to targeted individuals? When we are able to figure out the details, when we gather as a community, when we figure them out in detail, we can truly make a change and stand up for once, instead of catatonically sit in a corner and think to oneself if they have a malignant brain tumor that is cause auditory hallucinations (read: me. That was me before I realized what was really going on.). Because of my disability, CRPS, I was mistakenly perceived as weak by the group stalkers. Unbeknownst to them, I didn’t take all the opioids that 90%> of people with CRPS take. My mind is too precious to me to let any pain killer or muscle relaxer take advantage of it, although I do understand those who choose to take it as the pain is literally unbearable.
They missed out on the fact that my undergraduate degree is in journalism, so documenting, investigating? Those are pretty elemental to my nature. Writing is my passion. Being a social rights advocate has been my platform since I can remember. I’m a critical feminist theorist, and have published my masters thesis soaked in this ideology: everyone is equal, regardless of gender, race, sex, class, religion, sexuality, etc. That’s the definition of a true feminist. So, when I became disabled, I became more of a targeted minority with an incredible amount of injustices done to people who are already in massive amounts of pain.
Basically, they gaged me wrong, underestimated my sense of self and integrity, and because of this, I will be their downfall. Or at least be an instrumental conductor of documentation to expose this real-life cruelty.
After informing myself about this phenomenon, one can see from a tangible standpoint that this Electronic Stalking Mind Control (ESCM) business truly isn’t linked to a mental illness. It’s mere science. Frequencies. Communication. Truly tangible, physical instruments that cause these abominations of sanity in targeted individuals are simply machines being fine-tuned by government organizations. The best way to find out information from an unwilling source is to torture him. But what do you do when your government belongs to the UN and has signed the Geneva convention, banning inhumane torture and discrimination (discrimination insofar as targeting the disabled, or “weak” individuals)? You do it discretely. You find a loophole that gives you unequivocal amounts of control and freedom to extract whatever you want from whomever you want it from from wherever, whenever. For god’s sake, we have exposed Facebook being a cover for data-mining hundreds of millions of individuals, with our phones being hacked to overhear our conversations to identify target audiences for the use of marketing and advertising. This isn’t a conspiracy, it’s the truth: https://www.theverge.com/2018/3/25/17160944/facebook-call-history-sms-data-collection-android .
To think that other means of collecting data aren’t being actively researched is to be living under a rock. I hate to say that I believe what’s happening to me is real. I WISH I was crazy. Truly. Then, I could just take some medication and be honkey dory with all of this. But, I’ve tried the medications, I’ve done the research. I was hoping brain cancer would rule out the auditory hallucinations, but I don’t have any malignant brain tumors. I wish there was any other viable explanation for what has happened to me and tens of thousands of others, but the bottom line is: it’s real. And we can’t just stand idly by and let this happen to us.
So, this is this week’s post for my installation which I’ve named The Sanity Chronicles: Being the Target of Electronic Stalking and Mind Control (ESCM).
SIDENOTE: Please understand I was trying to type every word that was communicated; yes, this does sound like madness, and no, I didn't make up anything. After reading the transcript, please be sure to read the above carefully to give more of an insight into the interaction described below. I know I might sound like a total brat at times below, but in order to maintain control of the discussion, you kind of have to be. I'll try to get more critical answers out of them for next week.
Key: G - girl (late teens/twenties, Caucasian, hyena like, high pitched voice - sort of like Jackie from That 70’s Show)
B - boy (late teens, early twenties, Caucasian, voice hasn’t fully matured, very much so a try-hard)
M - man (45-55 y/o, caucasian, more level-headed, doesn’t really get roused up, seems to be a Supervisor or some type)
Background: G&B have been most present since they started stalking me in May of 2016, right after receiving my spinal cord stimulator implant for my Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (an undeniable frequency receptor that I use a remote to turn on to send electric stimulation down to my affected foot/ankle). M came along as a supervisor, and many have come and gone since, but G&B have been present and most disruptive of my life since the beginning.
3 above are present
Location: Bathroom with fan on and faucet running
theyve quieted at my first attempt at transcribing what they say
G: you’re kidding me, im sorry
B: I TOLD YOU I TOLD YOU
M: it’s alright
B: what are you doing
G: what are you doing
B: I cannot believe this
G: everything you say, everything you do, we see it we know about it
Me: okay? Please be more clear and better pronunciation
G: I told you I told you (perhaps this is the b-track they loop?)
Me: come on give me something new
B: she’s ****ing crazy; I don’t believe this
M: okay, okay that’s enough
G: you can’t do anything, what are you going to do? Are you serious right now? Are you kidding me right now?
B: trust me she’s mental
M: no she isn’t
B: are you kidding?
M: she’s not crazy
B: she’s not disabled
Me: I am disabled. Not a topic of debate.
B: I told you I told you I told you
Me: checkmate
Indistinct chatter amongst the 3
G: (??) you are a genius
Me: wtf?
G: answer my question
Me: go ahead; pronunciation please
M or B: I don’t trust her
M: oh ****, she isn’t crazy
B/G: you’re crazy, you’re mentally handicapped, you’re crazy youre crazy (X5)
M: enough
B: I told you I told you
M: she’s writing everything down
B: what do you think you’re doing?
(Listening)
G: told you
Me: Told you’s aren’t effective
B: are you ****ing kidding me? Are you serious? You’ve got to be kidding me
M: that’s enough
B: I told you X3
G: told you X 3
M: (something) take it down
B: I’m sorry; how can this happen?
M: you got me
G/B: I told you (repeats)
Me: what did you tell me? You told me that you told me? This is fabulous, this is fun, it’s a good hobby.
Silence
B: I’m sorry I’m sorry, but she can’t do this
M: that’s enough
Me: come on, with clear pronunciation, why so quiet now? Give me productive rhetoric, “I told you”’s aren’t doing a thing , why don’t you tell me in detail what you’ve done to me?
M: it’s over
Silence
G: I told you (repeat)
B: loudly* Everything you do, everything you type, - you have to be kidding me
M: its over
B: this is unbelievable
B: we’re watching everything you do, drinking your tea
Me: I didn’t have tea…
G: (indistinct hyena voiced chatter, definitely on the defense)
Me: tell me, why me? Ohhh this is one question you won’t answer, will you? B: you’re ****ing kidding me, are you ****ing kidding me?
M: come on, it’s over
Me: you’ve said that before, I definitely don’t believe it
M: no kidding
(Brief interruption re: work, chatter amongst them all the while)
G: there is no way you can prove anything we’ve done to you
Me: sure there is; look up how to prove stalking cases: report, chronicle, keep a good record, as I have been
M: it’s over
B: you’re ****ing kidding me
Me: thats really all you have to say?
B: are you kidding me? ARE YOU ****ING KIDDING ME?
M: she’s not even angry
G: do you really think you can do anything?
Me: absolutely. I told you, you picked the wrong person to **** with. You have nothing on CRPS, you’re merely frequencies
B seems to be upset at M
G: I’m begging (betting) you to slit your wrist today
Me: umm? I’ve got you in checkmate.
B: you’ve got to be kidding me
M: it’s over, it’s over.
M: you have a lot of materials, be careful with that
Me: oh come on you can do better than this
Orders indistinct from M, B is on the defense
M: that’s an order
B: you’ve got to be kidding me, right?
B: I will rape you (?); I will rape your unconscious body
B: I’m sorry, im sorry… (to others)
G: I can hear you
Me: I can hear you too…?
(Indistinct chatter)
Man: is she closer to anyone else?
B: no I don’t think she is
B; I will wait for you (????)
B: what are you doing?, you’ve got to be kidding me
Me: come on, use your words, diverge from the repetitive nonsense, or is that all you know?
B: I know how to do everything, I know your deepest darkest secrets
Me: I’m pretty open, I don’t have any secrets; you’ve made me retell my entire life thousands of times over these past 2.5 years ; want to play true or false? True or false, you understand that what you’re doing is inhumane.
M: don’t say anything
Me: come on
B: I will see everything you do, everything you say, everything you think for the rest of your life
Me: no, you won’t
B: seriously?
Me: this is fun
B: she’s sitting on the toilet
Me: lid is closed, this is the only noisy place in my apartment
M: look, I’m being serious, are you -
G: I told you (repeatedly, background noise level)
Me: true or false, you understand what you’re doing is inhumane, and on top of that, unethical, illegal, and cruel. True or false.
No one answers
Girl is doing background noise still with repeated phrase; group stays relatively quiet other than that
B: you were in the hospital
Me: Yep, most certainly, having the suicide syndrome kind of does that to you, but you know that’s not entirely why I was there, don’t you? You know the psychological torture you put me through caused the ulcer inside me and dissipated my health rapidly. Then, the head**** you performed 24/7 increased my CRPS pain astronomically. What of it?
B: astronomically? ASTRONOMICALLY?
Me: I am disabled, how do you feel about that? Do you sleep well at night? Please answer b both distinctly and separately.
B: are you ****ing kidding me X2
Me: furthermore, you sent me into a panic attack raising my pain so high that I was sent to another type of hospital. And the date of my stay wasn’t accidental, was it? It was literally during the Renata P trial that, even though I have no mental illness whatsoever, made me inadmissible in court because I was in the hospital for 7 days. That was no pure chance, was it?
M: is she telling the truth?
B: I do not lie to you, I didn’t lie
M: enough
B: are you kidding
Me: what about in summer of 2017, on Chapel St ,when I had just lost use of both of my hands because of your incessant psychological torture? When I was catatonic, hoping that I had a brain tumor that would explain your presence? What did you say then? I distinctly remember you saying, with the girl in tow, I know you can hear us; They can’t hear us (my parents and best friend were present) You’re going to the looney bin! I know you can hear us! They can’t hear us!” You recall that, yes?
M; you’re kidding; we have to get rid of the evidence
G: wipe her computer
M: it’s over
B: I told you (repeatedly)
Me: doesn’t really sound like you’re getting the picture here, child.
“You can’t do anything about it”
Me: of course I can, and it doesn’t include suicide
B: are you sure? Are you sure?
Girl repeats what I think simoultaneously: come on , lets go, lets hear it
Me: what about when I was working? When you used to guess the end of my sentences, emails, predict what I was to do next? Did you find that validating that you could somehow guess what I was doing at my boring ass insurance job?
B/G: I don’t know what she’s talking about
Me: sure you do. At the hell house, on 971 Windsor, actually in every place I lived after my spinal cord stimulator was implanted.
G: she’s making things up
M: no
Me: How did you get your reprehensible job?
B: (indignant, bombastic) ARE YOU KIDDING ME
B: I’m sorry but I don’t believe
Me: finish that thought
B: I don’t believe you’re disabled
Me: well the foremost doctors in the world diagnosed me with the worst ****ing disability pain wise known to mankind, so you’re kind of at a loss there. Believe me, I WISHHHHHH I wasn’t disabled. But it’s taught me a lot about myself and people’s true nature. I wouldn’t change anything ive gone through
B: you’re ****ing kidding me.
M: (speaking indistinctly to B/G)
G: you’re out of your mind
Me: to Man, whoever you are, you’re a supervisor I assume, or at least a seasoned vet: do you instruct them to act as they did and have been?
B: un-****ing-believable
Man doesn’t answer
Me: what level of personal responsibility do you have over these two **** ups?
M: look, it’s over
G: you’re so unbelievable
Me: I like being the interviewer, with you as the subject; shows on psychopaths only got me so far in trying to. understand your innate nature, I see now that a large part of it is denial, self denial, telling yourself you aren’t responsible
M: she’s not insane
B: (low voice) well what are we going to do now?
Me: bill Ryan is a bit out there but he has a good head on his shoulders; he doesn’t just accept things at face value and believe things that are out of the norm to believe, but has presented it in tangible, provable ways; no I don’t believe in all he says, but this? Sure
M: (in the middle of that^^) you’ve got to be kidding me
Me: So you’ve heard of Bill Ryan, yea?
G: you are unbelievable ; curiosity killed the cat
Me: well I guess it’s good that I’m not a cat
M: what the **** did you do to her
(Indistinct chatter, man telling orders)
B: (bombastic) YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME
Me: oh, come on, I know you can do better than this; don’t you want to degrade me? Defile me a bit more? Make me question my very essence of being?
B: she’s crazy
M: she’s not crazy, and I don’t know what happened but its over
B: I cannot believe this
B: you’re mentally unstable
Me: Nope, while I do have the suicide syndrome (CRPS’s nickname), In every attempt to understand what the **** was going on when I heard voices, every doctor I saw definitively said I was not psychotic, schizo, bipolar, etc. I have intense chronic pain which ****s with the head, I have depression (they say, at least), insomnia, ADD, anxiety, but no mental health issues. Verified by trial and error to see if by some twist of fate some medicine would shut you up; they didn’t. Trial and error. Facts. I was put on the medicine called geodon, which you well know, when I was in the hospital for 7 days in 2016, when you put me there, and in order to attempt to ebb the pain, ebb the disarray of thoughts, I was prescribed that, and upon release taken off it immediately by my own doctor. The hospital never diagnosed me with any sort of mental illness, and when I asked the other patients there with varying degrees of problems, like OCD, depression, true psychosis, to simply failing at suicide (this was an old woman, I felt bad that she didn’t succeed, she did not deserve to be treated as such), but funny enough 4/5 patients were on the EXACT SAME MEDICINE - GEODON. For a wiiiiiiide array of things. It just makes you super loopy and kind of unable to hold on to your own thoughts. So tell me, because I know you knew all of this, what is it that we’re in contention about?
B: (defeatedly) un-****ing-believable
M: alright
B: are you insane? You’ve got to be kidding me
(Something about roles? Gender roles? Rules? Indistinct. Perhaps: you know your role”?)
B: you’re manic depressive
Me: that’s called bipolar, idiot. Which has already been excluded.
(Indistinct complaining from G/B)
B: she’s worried about her makeup? Me: yeah? My mind, my thoughts, my makeup…?
B: she’s going crazy
M: no, she’s not
G: I told you everything’s true
Me: not sure to whom you’re addressing; how does it feel to be a ****up at literally being a ****up?
G to M: everything I told you is true, believe me
Me: he clearly doesn’t, not that it matters
G: (starts reading Miranda rights….? You have the right to remain silent…)
B: I told you she’s crazy, she has no idea what she’s doing; you really think you’re a threat to me?
Me: right back at you. The only thing is… I’m in the right. I’m a good person, with a good head on my shoulders, who does good things. When this gets out, well, you know what happens when women (especially white, as unfortunately, our society is racist and gives more attention to people with a caucasian background) women are tortured? News story. American? Makes front page; Pretty/attractive? Fodder for national news; and disabled?: INTERNATIONAL LAW CHANGING ACTION WILL OCCUR. It’s inevitable
Me: I have a spinal cord stimulator
B: what does that have to do with anything
Me: everything, frequencies, oh yeah, and the fact that Cleveland Clilnic, the most renowned in the states, diagnosed me and implanted me with the Medtronic Stimulator 3 weeks before Renata P assaulted me in my own home. If you want psycho, she’s a great example
B: you’re ****ting me
Me: OK! Til next time, buds.
(Left bathroom, in living room)
Man: that’s enough, stop
G: are you kidding me?
Me: get a new catchphrase. Trying a little variation.
_____________________________
Please, feel free to post any and all comments, experiences, suggestions, etc., as I will be dedicating myself to this mission on at least a weekly basis.
Thank you for reading.
After much debate, I’ve decided to continue to publish my interactions with the “voices,” as they have been significantly louder since posting my first exposition on them July 28th (If you haven’t read my first post, please read ‘A Plea From A Sane Individual”). You know you’re doing something right when they get desperate, bombastic, and much more frequent and louder than before. So, I will continue where I left off.
Per my post, Bill Ryan emailed me with some suggestions to grow a more rotund, documented series of events so that other people in my situation have: A) sound mind that they’re not alone, and B) encouragement to also step in and document their own experiences with the voices.
In order to attain both control of the situation and tangible evidence of their pattern, I followed Bill’s suggestion to record what they say, ask them the questions, and it proved to be a very well received methodology on my behalf. Below is the transcript from August 8th, 2018, 12:15 - 1:15 pm (located at the end of this post).
Basically, ever since approaching this unbelievable phenomenon from a purely statistical, research prospective to try to find their weaknesses, triggers, patterns, and levels of authority, I have felt much more in control of what used to be a completely crippling never-ending assault on my mind.
I’m still so very uneasy about even posting this, or saying that something like this could ever happen. I have my Masters degree. I was accepted for my PhD, which I initially accepted but deferred because it was 100K. I run two departments of an organization. I’m disabled, so I know how to deal with truly debilitating situations (CRPS is an incurable disability that makes the affected person experience the most pain literally able to be experienced by man, and on a constant basis). I eschewed any belief in god at a very early age (2nd grade), because I couldn’t believe what I couldn’t see. I mention these to build some sort of credibility that I never believe in this supernatural-sounding stuff, whatsoever. So, to say this is even remotely within my realm of belief if I hadn’t personally lived through it, I’d never believe a word of it myself and totally dismiss this as some type of psychosis. Naturally, once I realized I wasn’t a nutcase after about a year of stalking, and ruled out any mental illness by a variety of doctors, I looked at this situation like I would any other: what are the variables? How can I prove this? What are the indications of this, approached as a study?
I quickly picked up on their means of transmission: frequencies. They would almost solely be audible when there was a consistent frequency creating noise: the air conditioning being on, a fan, the water in the shower, the consistent hum of the dishwasher, and so on. The louder, the more clear they became. However, without these type of conduits for their inundation of perverse, repetitive, mundane, threatening messages, they were barely, if at all, audible. My first variable was designated: frequencies as a means of transmission.
What I wish to establish now is a database, or reference compilation, of interactions with the voices. Once a week, if not more often, I will post updates in the hopes of reaching out to other “Targeted Individuals” who are going through the same type of inhume torture. If we build a community of people willing to speak up about their experiences, we might be able to create a solid case against the perpetrators who stalk us.
Furthermore, I wish to extract details from others: do they have spinal cord stimulator implants, pacemakers, etc. that are surgically implanted within them to provide easy access to targeted individuals? When we are able to figure out the details, when we gather as a community, when we figure them out in detail, we can truly make a change and stand up for once, instead of catatonically sit in a corner and think to oneself if they have a malignant brain tumor that is cause auditory hallucinations (read: me. That was me before I realized what was really going on.). Because of my disability, CRPS, I was mistakenly perceived as weak by the group stalkers. Unbeknownst to them, I didn’t take all the opioids that 90%> of people with CRPS take. My mind is too precious to me to let any pain killer or muscle relaxer take advantage of it, although I do understand those who choose to take it as the pain is literally unbearable.
They missed out on the fact that my undergraduate degree is in journalism, so documenting, investigating? Those are pretty elemental to my nature. Writing is my passion. Being a social rights advocate has been my platform since I can remember. I’m a critical feminist theorist, and have published my masters thesis soaked in this ideology: everyone is equal, regardless of gender, race, sex, class, religion, sexuality, etc. That’s the definition of a true feminist. So, when I became disabled, I became more of a targeted minority with an incredible amount of injustices done to people who are already in massive amounts of pain.
Basically, they gaged me wrong, underestimated my sense of self and integrity, and because of this, I will be their downfall. Or at least be an instrumental conductor of documentation to expose this real-life cruelty.
After informing myself about this phenomenon, one can see from a tangible standpoint that this Electronic Stalking Mind Control (ESCM) business truly isn’t linked to a mental illness. It’s mere science. Frequencies. Communication. Truly tangible, physical instruments that cause these abominations of sanity in targeted individuals are simply machines being fine-tuned by government organizations. The best way to find out information from an unwilling source is to torture him. But what do you do when your government belongs to the UN and has signed the Geneva convention, banning inhumane torture and discrimination (discrimination insofar as targeting the disabled, or “weak” individuals)? You do it discretely. You find a loophole that gives you unequivocal amounts of control and freedom to extract whatever you want from whomever you want it from from wherever, whenever. For god’s sake, we have exposed Facebook being a cover for data-mining hundreds of millions of individuals, with our phones being hacked to overhear our conversations to identify target audiences for the use of marketing and advertising. This isn’t a conspiracy, it’s the truth: https://www.theverge.com/2018/3/25/17160944/facebook-call-history-sms-data-collection-android .
To think that other means of collecting data aren’t being actively researched is to be living under a rock. I hate to say that I believe what’s happening to me is real. I WISH I was crazy. Truly. Then, I could just take some medication and be honkey dory with all of this. But, I’ve tried the medications, I’ve done the research. I was hoping brain cancer would rule out the auditory hallucinations, but I don’t have any malignant brain tumors. I wish there was any other viable explanation for what has happened to me and tens of thousands of others, but the bottom line is: it’s real. And we can’t just stand idly by and let this happen to us.
So, this is this week’s post for my installation which I’ve named The Sanity Chronicles: Being the Target of Electronic Stalking and Mind Control (ESCM).
SIDENOTE: Please understand I was trying to type every word that was communicated; yes, this does sound like madness, and no, I didn't make up anything. After reading the transcript, please be sure to read the above carefully to give more of an insight into the interaction described below. I know I might sound like a total brat at times below, but in order to maintain control of the discussion, you kind of have to be. I'll try to get more critical answers out of them for next week.
Key: G - girl (late teens/twenties, Caucasian, hyena like, high pitched voice - sort of like Jackie from That 70’s Show)
B - boy (late teens, early twenties, Caucasian, voice hasn’t fully matured, very much so a try-hard)
M - man (45-55 y/o, caucasian, more level-headed, doesn’t really get roused up, seems to be a Supervisor or some type)
Background: G&B have been most present since they started stalking me in May of 2016, right after receiving my spinal cord stimulator implant for my Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (an undeniable frequency receptor that I use a remote to turn on to send electric stimulation down to my affected foot/ankle). M came along as a supervisor, and many have come and gone since, but G&B have been present and most disruptive of my life since the beginning.
3 above are present
Location: Bathroom with fan on and faucet running
theyve quieted at my first attempt at transcribing what they say
G: you’re kidding me, im sorry
B: I TOLD YOU I TOLD YOU
M: it’s alright
B: what are you doing
G: what are you doing
B: I cannot believe this
G: everything you say, everything you do, we see it we know about it
Me: okay? Please be more clear and better pronunciation
G: I told you I told you (perhaps this is the b-track they loop?)
Me: come on give me something new
B: she’s ****ing crazy; I don’t believe this
M: okay, okay that’s enough
G: you can’t do anything, what are you going to do? Are you serious right now? Are you kidding me right now?
B: trust me she’s mental
M: no she isn’t
B: are you kidding?
M: she’s not crazy
B: she’s not disabled
Me: I am disabled. Not a topic of debate.
B: I told you I told you I told you
Me: checkmate
Indistinct chatter amongst the 3
G: (??) you are a genius
Me: wtf?
G: answer my question
Me: go ahead; pronunciation please
M or B: I don’t trust her
M: oh ****, she isn’t crazy
B/G: you’re crazy, you’re mentally handicapped, you’re crazy youre crazy (X5)
M: enough
B: I told you I told you
M: she’s writing everything down
B: what do you think you’re doing?
(Listening)
G: told you
Me: Told you’s aren’t effective
B: are you ****ing kidding me? Are you serious? You’ve got to be kidding me
M: that’s enough
B: I told you X3
G: told you X 3
M: (something) take it down
B: I’m sorry; how can this happen?
M: you got me
G/B: I told you (repeats)
Me: what did you tell me? You told me that you told me? This is fabulous, this is fun, it’s a good hobby.
Silence
B: I’m sorry I’m sorry, but she can’t do this
M: that’s enough
Me: come on, with clear pronunciation, why so quiet now? Give me productive rhetoric, “I told you”’s aren’t doing a thing , why don’t you tell me in detail what you’ve done to me?
M: it’s over
Silence
G: I told you (repeat)
B: loudly* Everything you do, everything you type, - you have to be kidding me
M: its over
B: this is unbelievable
B: we’re watching everything you do, drinking your tea
Me: I didn’t have tea…
G: (indistinct hyena voiced chatter, definitely on the defense)
Me: tell me, why me? Ohhh this is one question you won’t answer, will you? B: you’re ****ing kidding me, are you ****ing kidding me?
M: come on, it’s over
Me: you’ve said that before, I definitely don’t believe it
M: no kidding
(Brief interruption re: work, chatter amongst them all the while)
G: there is no way you can prove anything we’ve done to you
Me: sure there is; look up how to prove stalking cases: report, chronicle, keep a good record, as I have been
M: it’s over
B: you’re ****ing kidding me
Me: thats really all you have to say?
B: are you kidding me? ARE YOU ****ING KIDDING ME?
M: she’s not even angry
G: do you really think you can do anything?
Me: absolutely. I told you, you picked the wrong person to **** with. You have nothing on CRPS, you’re merely frequencies
B seems to be upset at M
G: I’m begging (betting) you to slit your wrist today
Me: umm? I’ve got you in checkmate.
B: you’ve got to be kidding me
M: it’s over, it’s over.
M: you have a lot of materials, be careful with that
Me: oh come on you can do better than this
Orders indistinct from M, B is on the defense
M: that’s an order
B: you’ve got to be kidding me, right?
B: I will rape you (?); I will rape your unconscious body
B: I’m sorry, im sorry… (to others)
G: I can hear you
Me: I can hear you too…?
(Indistinct chatter)
Man: is she closer to anyone else?
B: no I don’t think she is
B; I will wait for you (????)
B: what are you doing?, you’ve got to be kidding me
Me: come on, use your words, diverge from the repetitive nonsense, or is that all you know?
B: I know how to do everything, I know your deepest darkest secrets
Me: I’m pretty open, I don’t have any secrets; you’ve made me retell my entire life thousands of times over these past 2.5 years ; want to play true or false? True or false, you understand that what you’re doing is inhumane.
M: don’t say anything
Me: come on
B: I will see everything you do, everything you say, everything you think for the rest of your life
Me: no, you won’t
B: seriously?
Me: this is fun
B: she’s sitting on the toilet
Me: lid is closed, this is the only noisy place in my apartment
M: look, I’m being serious, are you -
G: I told you (repeatedly, background noise level)
Me: true or false, you understand what you’re doing is inhumane, and on top of that, unethical, illegal, and cruel. True or false.
No one answers
Girl is doing background noise still with repeated phrase; group stays relatively quiet other than that
B: you were in the hospital
Me: Yep, most certainly, having the suicide syndrome kind of does that to you, but you know that’s not entirely why I was there, don’t you? You know the psychological torture you put me through caused the ulcer inside me and dissipated my health rapidly. Then, the head**** you performed 24/7 increased my CRPS pain astronomically. What of it?
B: astronomically? ASTRONOMICALLY?
Me: I am disabled, how do you feel about that? Do you sleep well at night? Please answer b both distinctly and separately.
B: are you ****ing kidding me X2
Me: furthermore, you sent me into a panic attack raising my pain so high that I was sent to another type of hospital. And the date of my stay wasn’t accidental, was it? It was literally during the Renata P trial that, even though I have no mental illness whatsoever, made me inadmissible in court because I was in the hospital for 7 days. That was no pure chance, was it?
M: is she telling the truth?
B: I do not lie to you, I didn’t lie
M: enough
B: are you kidding
Me: what about in summer of 2017, on Chapel St ,when I had just lost use of both of my hands because of your incessant psychological torture? When I was catatonic, hoping that I had a brain tumor that would explain your presence? What did you say then? I distinctly remember you saying, with the girl in tow, I know you can hear us; They can’t hear us (my parents and best friend were present) You’re going to the looney bin! I know you can hear us! They can’t hear us!” You recall that, yes?
M; you’re kidding; we have to get rid of the evidence
G: wipe her computer
M: it’s over
B: I told you (repeatedly)
Me: doesn’t really sound like you’re getting the picture here, child.
“You can’t do anything about it”
Me: of course I can, and it doesn’t include suicide
B: are you sure? Are you sure?
Girl repeats what I think simoultaneously: come on , lets go, lets hear it
Me: what about when I was working? When you used to guess the end of my sentences, emails, predict what I was to do next? Did you find that validating that you could somehow guess what I was doing at my boring ass insurance job?
B/G: I don’t know what she’s talking about
Me: sure you do. At the hell house, on 971 Windsor, actually in every place I lived after my spinal cord stimulator was implanted.
G: she’s making things up
M: no
Me: How did you get your reprehensible job?
B: (indignant, bombastic) ARE YOU KIDDING ME
B: I’m sorry but I don’t believe
Me: finish that thought
B: I don’t believe you’re disabled
Me: well the foremost doctors in the world diagnosed me with the worst ****ing disability pain wise known to mankind, so you’re kind of at a loss there. Believe me, I WISHHHHHH I wasn’t disabled. But it’s taught me a lot about myself and people’s true nature. I wouldn’t change anything ive gone through
B: you’re ****ing kidding me.
M: (speaking indistinctly to B/G)
G: you’re out of your mind
Me: to Man, whoever you are, you’re a supervisor I assume, or at least a seasoned vet: do you instruct them to act as they did and have been?
B: un-****ing-believable
Man doesn’t answer
Me: what level of personal responsibility do you have over these two **** ups?
M: look, it’s over
G: you’re so unbelievable
Me: I like being the interviewer, with you as the subject; shows on psychopaths only got me so far in trying to. understand your innate nature, I see now that a large part of it is denial, self denial, telling yourself you aren’t responsible
M: she’s not insane
B: (low voice) well what are we going to do now?
Me: bill Ryan is a bit out there but he has a good head on his shoulders; he doesn’t just accept things at face value and believe things that are out of the norm to believe, but has presented it in tangible, provable ways; no I don’t believe in all he says, but this? Sure
M: (in the middle of that^^) you’ve got to be kidding me
Me: So you’ve heard of Bill Ryan, yea?
G: you are unbelievable ; curiosity killed the cat
Me: well I guess it’s good that I’m not a cat
M: what the **** did you do to her
(Indistinct chatter, man telling orders)
B: (bombastic) YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME
Me: oh, come on, I know you can do better than this; don’t you want to degrade me? Defile me a bit more? Make me question my very essence of being?
B: she’s crazy
M: she’s not crazy, and I don’t know what happened but its over
B: I cannot believe this
B: you’re mentally unstable
Me: Nope, while I do have the suicide syndrome (CRPS’s nickname), In every attempt to understand what the **** was going on when I heard voices, every doctor I saw definitively said I was not psychotic, schizo, bipolar, etc. I have intense chronic pain which ****s with the head, I have depression (they say, at least), insomnia, ADD, anxiety, but no mental health issues. Verified by trial and error to see if by some twist of fate some medicine would shut you up; they didn’t. Trial and error. Facts. I was put on the medicine called geodon, which you well know, when I was in the hospital for 7 days in 2016, when you put me there, and in order to attempt to ebb the pain, ebb the disarray of thoughts, I was prescribed that, and upon release taken off it immediately by my own doctor. The hospital never diagnosed me with any sort of mental illness, and when I asked the other patients there with varying degrees of problems, like OCD, depression, true psychosis, to simply failing at suicide (this was an old woman, I felt bad that she didn’t succeed, she did not deserve to be treated as such), but funny enough 4/5 patients were on the EXACT SAME MEDICINE - GEODON. For a wiiiiiiide array of things. It just makes you super loopy and kind of unable to hold on to your own thoughts. So tell me, because I know you knew all of this, what is it that we’re in contention about?
B: (defeatedly) un-****ing-believable
M: alright
B: are you insane? You’ve got to be kidding me
(Something about roles? Gender roles? Rules? Indistinct. Perhaps: you know your role”?)
B: you’re manic depressive
Me: that’s called bipolar, idiot. Which has already been excluded.
(Indistinct complaining from G/B)
B: she’s worried about her makeup? Me: yeah? My mind, my thoughts, my makeup…?
B: she’s going crazy
M: no, she’s not
G: I told you everything’s true
Me: not sure to whom you’re addressing; how does it feel to be a ****up at literally being a ****up?
G to M: everything I told you is true, believe me
Me: he clearly doesn’t, not that it matters
G: (starts reading Miranda rights….? You have the right to remain silent…)
B: I told you she’s crazy, she has no idea what she’s doing; you really think you’re a threat to me?
Me: right back at you. The only thing is… I’m in the right. I’m a good person, with a good head on my shoulders, who does good things. When this gets out, well, you know what happens when women (especially white, as unfortunately, our society is racist and gives more attention to people with a caucasian background) women are tortured? News story. American? Makes front page; Pretty/attractive? Fodder for national news; and disabled?: INTERNATIONAL LAW CHANGING ACTION WILL OCCUR. It’s inevitable
Me: I have a spinal cord stimulator
B: what does that have to do with anything
Me: everything, frequencies, oh yeah, and the fact that Cleveland Clilnic, the most renowned in the states, diagnosed me and implanted me with the Medtronic Stimulator 3 weeks before Renata P assaulted me in my own home. If you want psycho, she’s a great example
B: you’re ****ting me
Me: OK! Til next time, buds.
(Left bathroom, in living room)
Man: that’s enough, stop
G: are you kidding me?
Me: get a new catchphrase. Trying a little variation.
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Please, feel free to post any and all comments, experiences, suggestions, etc., as I will be dedicating myself to this mission on at least a weekly basis.
Thank you for reading.