Boss, Chief, Buddy, Etc.

[Mike]

I'm not sure when or how this weird phenomena began. My first memory of it was when I was walking with a friend up some stairs to our apartment, little less than 20 years ago, and my friend Justin said hello to this guy Jimmy. Without missing a beat Jimmy said, "what's up little dude?"

Little dude. We both looked at each other with mild disbelief and amusement. Jimmy was a little older than both of us then, but at about 5'5", considerably shorter than my friend. Little dude. It became a running joke for a while, and then it just crept into our lexicon in sort of a sarcastic way. I just spoke to him on the phone an hour ago. hey little dude, I said. What's up lil' guy? he replied.

It was a humorous novelty for a little while. We were both just a little astonished that one grown man would address another grown man as little dude.

But then something strange happened, and these types of greetings became en vogue. boss, chief, little guy, boss man, buddy, big man etc.

They were almost always uttered by low level, blue collar workers who were utilizing subtle condescension as a pretty unoriginal means of leveling the playing field. Gas station attendants, cashiers, pizza store workers, so forth. I thought I'd heard them all; that was until about a half hour ago.

I was buying fresh salmon from this guy in the seafood department at Publix, and as he was handing the salmon to me, I'm pretty sure he said, "there ya go little brother."

Little brother? My mind was thinking a million things at once...what?...did he really just say that?...did i hear him right?...hang on, i'm bigger than him, and older...maybe you should ask him if that's what he said....but if he didn't actually say that you'll look pretty stupid....wait, is that something the kids say these days?...

As I emerged from my thoughts, it was like a case of missing time. I was going to ask the guy if he really called me "little brother", but by then he was tending to a small group of people, and I didn't want to create a scene. I wasn't angry, just confused. I wasn't going to pick a fight. I was pretty amused by it all actually.

I walked out of there smiling and shaking my head:)

Then I walked into the pizza place next door, and this teenage waitress was taking the orders from 3 elderly women. "so, what can i get you girls? she asked. Girls. A moment later she asked one of the women to repeat herself by saying,sorry love, say again please. Love? Really?

I don't take myself too terribly seriously. I bristle when addressed as "sir", for example. But I have to draw the line at little brother. Give em an inch and they'll take a mile. If I don't take a stand, I fear next it'll be "so what can I get your bitch ass?"

How do these people sleep at night? LOL. I'm trying to imagine how I'd continue respecting myself if I routinely walked into seafood departments and said things like, I need a pound of that atlantic salmon Slugger!

had to vent a little there. feel free to share your experiences

[onawah]

Not exactly on topic, but sort of in the same genre of being basically disrespected for no good reason...
I was at a public function some years ago, can't remember exactly where or when, but it was within the last 10 years, and in the town where I presently live.
A fairly respectable middle-aged woman who I had never seen before walked up to me and asked me if I had failed to wipe myself the last time I went to the bathroom.
She was looking at me the way people do who consider that people who are noticeably physically disabled are inherently distasteful and must also be mentally disabled in some way as well.
I've seen that look before since I was disabled way back in 1972, and have a noticeable limp as a result ever since, one leg being shorter than the other.
So I wasn't all that surprised, and I just replied coolly, "No, not to my knowledge".
She looked a bit disconcerted, as if she had expected that I would not speak such good English, but still she advised me that I should go the restroom and check because I smelled bad.
I knew that I smelled fine, so I didn't follow her advice, but a while later she came back and apologized to me.
She said that she had just gone to the bathroom and discovered that she was the one who had failed to wipe herself, and so the bad smell she had been smelling was herself.
She admitted that she had jumped to the conclusion that the odor must have been emanating from me since I was clearly disabled and therefore must be prone to such failures.
She said that as soon as I had answered her initial query, she had realized I was actually an intelligent, well-mannered person.
And she said it had been a great lesson for her to realize how quick she had been to judge me and project onto me something she herself had been guilty of.
I said something to the effect that we have to be grateful even for such painful lessons if they can teach us something so profound, and she seemed grateful that I had not judged her in return.
For me, it was quite a lesson as well, as I never would have expected someone with the mindset that she originally had, could have made such an abrupt turnaround. :star:

[AutumnW]

I'm not sure when or how this weird phenomena began. My first memory of it was when I was walking with a friend up some stairs to our apartment, little less than 20 years ago, and my friend Justin said hello to this guy Jimmy. Without missing a beat Jimmy said, "what's up little dude?"

Little dude. We both looked at each other with mild disbelief and amusement. Jimmy was a little older than both of us then, but at about 5'5", considerably shorter than my friend. Little dude. It became a running joke for a while, and then it just crept into our lexicon in sort of a sarcastic way. I just spoke to him on the phone an hour ago. hey little dude, I said. What's up lil' guy? he replied.

It was a humorous novelty for a little while. We were both just a little astonished that one grown man would address another grown man as little dude.

But then something strange happened, and these types of greetings became en vogue. boss, chief, little guy, boss man, buddy, big man etc.

They were almost always uttered by low level, blue collar workers who were utilizing subtle condescension as a pretty unoriginal means of leveling the playing field. Gas station attendants, cashiers, pizza store workers, so forth. I thought I'd heard them all; that was until about a half hour ago.

I was buying fresh salmon from this guy in the seafood department at Publix, and as he was handing the salmon to me, I'm pretty sure he said, "there ya go little brother."

Little brother? My mind was thinking a million things at once...what?...did he really just say that?...did i hear him right?...hang on, i'm bigger than him, and older...maybe you should ask him if that's what he said....but if he didn't actually say that you'll look pretty stupid....wait, is that something the kids say these days?...

As I emerged from my thoughts, it was like a case of missing time. I was going to ask the guy if he really called me "little brother", but by then he was tending to a small group of people, and I didn't want to create a scene. I wasn't angry, just confused. I wasn't going to pick a fight. I was pretty amused by it all actually.

I walked out of there smiling and shaking my head:)

Then I walked into the pizza place next door, and this teenage waitress was taking the orders from 3 elderly women. "so, what can i get you girls? she asked. Girls. A moment later she asked one of the women to repeat herself by saying,sorry love, say again please. Love? Really?

I don't take myself too terribly seriously. I bristle when addressed as "sir", for example. But I have to draw the line at little brother. Give em an inch and they'll take a mile. If I don't take a stand, I fear next it'll be "so what can I get your bitch ass?"

How do these people sleep at night? LOL. I'm trying to imagine how I'd continue respecting myself if I routinely walked into seafood departments and said things like, I need a pound of that atlantic salmon Slugger!

had to vent a little there. feel free to share your experiences

I know exactly how you feel, Toots.:confused:

[Valerie Villars]

I think it was about ten years ago. I was in Verizon, AT&T or other such hellish phone place. I'm always a bit discombobulated in places like that anyway, but I don't know what possessed me to actually say this without confirming in some socially acceptable way before I actually said "When are you due?".

I cringe to this day when I remember she said "I'm not pregnant."

I really did wish the floor would open up and swallow me. Jesus, did I just say that? Out loud? And I was a marketing rep for a title company. I should KNOW better and I did. But I said it.

No excuses, except it was when those shirts were popular that made women look pregnant even when they weren't.

There was just NO way to recover from that. I don't think I ever went in there again.

[Sue (Ayt)]

I think many people do use these words in a kindly fashion, almost like words of endearment. Perhaps they were habits from their families. When a stranger calls me dear, sweetie, hon, etc, it doesn't generally bother me at all.
It is the tone of voice, I think, that distinguishes a friendly greeting from a belittling or sarcastic remark. Even Sir or Ma'am can sound really snotty at times!

Hey Mike, pal - If "Sir" bristles you, I wonder what greeting you would prefer from a service person?
:bigsmile:
(remember this anyone?)
qoYsfbq3vMc

[Mike]

hey Ayt, i'm not bothered when grown women call me 'dear' or 'hon' or even 'sweetie'. it's almost always done affectionately. there's no positioning involved. there's no condescension involved. so that's cool

and service people calling me 'sir' is perfectly ok. i don't really mind it. i bristle a little because it feels unnecessary somehow. and it makes me feel kinda old. but overall, it doesn't bother me.

nor am i bothered if someone i'm friendly or familiar with calls me something other than my birth name. people i know address me in all sorts of ways, and i'm cool with it. i'm pretty loose that way.

it's men I don't know calling me "boss" that i find to be kinda obnoxious. i don't lose sleep over it, but i think it deserves the microscope of a thread. it's a strange social phenomenon. words like "boss" occupy a space that doesn't quite qualify as an insult, but at the same time it's less than respectful, in my view. i wouldn't dream of calling someone "boss". it's so f#ckin stupid:). but it's better than sh!thead, i guess

plus, there's something about the dynamic between consumer and service provider that makes it easier for an idiot to address someone like that. there's a counter between us, or a conveyor belt, or whatever. there's other people around. they feel safe. there's a subtle cowardly element about it. they wouldn't address me like that outside of work. not because i'm threatening or menacing or tough, but because someone has found - in a work environment - a way to experience a sense of superiority without inviting aggression. that might be it...that might be whats buggin me

[Sue (Ayt)]

Yep. I kind of figured it might be more of a male issue. Of course, I do bristle if I get "babe" or "sweetheart" along with a lewd leer from some slimy slimeball!
lol

[raregem]

I think it was about ten years ago. I was in Verizon, AT&T or other such hellish phone place. I'm always a bit discombobulated in places like that anyway, but I don't know what possessed me to actually say this without confirming in some socially acceptable way before I actually said "When are you due?".

I cringe to this day when I remember she said "I'm not pregnant."

I really did wish the floor would open up and swallow me. Jesus, did I just say that? Out loud? And I was a marketing rep for a title company. I should KNOW better and I did. But I said it.

No excuses, except it was when those shirts were popular that made women look pregnant even when they weren't.

There was just NO way to recover from that. I don't think I ever went in there again.

I did that very thing about 3x and told no- when I was a portrait photographer. I quit asking and watched for subtle clues from the subject so I would be able to create a photo set up to the mom to be or not be. Most times they would tell me upfront when they were pregnant. It was cringe worthy when I was wrong. So, I quit asking anywhere.
I would call them mom, dad and the kiddies I would say sweetie and hun. It came naturally in that setting and I feel was genuine.

[Ivanhoe]

Here in Louisiana people address each other as "Mr. David" or "Miss Dorothy" or whatever your given name is.
It's a cultural thing, they don't mean any disrespect, but I got to tell you, being from the north (Ohio) it was, and still is, a little weird to me, Mr. Mike. LOL

[onawah]

I haven't grown used to being addressed as "Miss Natalie" but I prefer that to being addressed as "M'am", which makes me feel old.
I get called "hon" a lot by strangers much younger than I.
Even though I'm in my 70s now, I don't usually feel like it's demeaning, but more like it's affectionate.
It all depends on how it's said, though.


Here in Louisiana people address each other as "Mr. David" or "Miss Dorothy" or whatever your given name is.
It's a cultural thing, they don't mean any disrespect, but I got to tell you, being from the north (Ohio) it was, and still is, a little weird to me, Mr. Mike. LOL

[Mark (Star Mariner)]

I can't imagine Mike that you'd much appreciate being called 'mate', especially by other guys, but in the UK that's the universal address, for your best friend, or a complete stranger, and yes even for service personnel. 'Hello mate,' 'can I help you mate?' 'are you all right there mate?' Whether aged 4 or 84, everyone is 'mate'.

Except (usually) if you are a man and they are a woman. Then it's 'love'. 'Hello love,' 'can I help you love?' 'are you all right there love?' If it's woman to woman (or girl to girl), it can be 'love' or 'mate'.

[Mike]

I can't imagine Mike that you'd much appreciate being called 'mate', especially by other guys, but in the UK that's the universal address, for your best friend, or a complete stranger, and yes even for service personnel. 'Hello mate,' 'can I help you mate?' 'are you all right there mate?' Whether aged 4 or 84, everyone is 'mate'.

Except (usually) if you are a man and they are a woman. Then it's 'love'. 'Hello love,' 'can I help you love?' 'are you all right there love?' If it's woman to woman (or girl to girl), it can be 'love' or 'mate'.



no, no. i'm perfectly fine with "mate", even from a stranger. my brit buddies call me that all the time too. "dude" might be the american equivalent (tho not quite) and i'm perfectly ok with being called "dude" here by people i don't know. or even "man"...as in how ya doin man?

and "love", that's just fine too coming from a woman. i took slight issue with the teenager calling the elderly woman "love", that's all. i think that's crossing a line. not an egregious one, but a line nonetheless (in my view)

[Sue (Ayt)]

They were almost always uttered by low level, blue collar workers who were utilizing subtle condescension as a pretty unoriginal means of leveling the playing field. Gas station attendants, cashiers, pizza store workers, so forth.

Maybe it depends on how ingrained one's viewpoint is in our societal structure regarding the "pecking order" value of an individual as to how we react to these greetings?
(just pondering)

[Mike]

Here in Louisiana people address each other as "Mr. David" or "Miss Dorothy" or whatever your given name is.
It's a cultural thing, they don't mean any disrespect, but I got to tell you, being from the north (Ohio) it was, and still is, a little weird to me, Mr. Mike. LOL



oh yeah, they do that down here in florida too.:) weird for a new yorker.

fair enough..but i'm not saying that. i'm a grown man. i'm as polite as can be, but i'm just calling people by their first names, minus all the pageantry.

i noticed at this church i once worked at that all the lower level workers would address the higher ups that way (Mr.Bob, Ms Connie etc) but the higher ups would not reciprocate. they'd just address everyone else by their names. everyone was roughly the same age too. so it felt like a slight powerplay.

[Mike]

I think it was about ten years ago. I was in Verizon, AT&T or other such hellish phone place. I'm always a bit discombobulated in places like that anyway, but I don't know what possessed me to actually say this without confirming in some socially acceptable way before I actually said "When are you due?".

I cringe to this day when I remember she said "I'm not pregnant."

I really did wish the floor would open up and swallow me. Jesus, did I just say that? Out loud? And I was a marketing rep for a title company. I should KNOW better and I did. But I said it.

No excuses, except it was when those shirts were popular that made women look pregnant even when they weren't.

There was just NO way to recover from that. I don't think I ever went in there again.



i feel discumbobulated in those places too :)

that's a tough one Val, but you can take comfort in the fact that it's happening every day across the world.

my friend justin, who isn't terribly bright, once said (on an airplane) to the mother of a toddler with an elaborate helmet on: "little guy gettin his hair done?"

the poor kid had just come out of head and neck surgery, it turns out. it was one of those nervous comments one makes on an airplane just before take off, but the mother thought he was making fun of the kid's situation. to top it off, he had to sit next to her and the kid for the next several hours lol

[The Moss Trooper]

Here in Jersey a common greeting is "hello mo'vie". Has the same meaning as mate, or pal...... That sort of thing. It stems from Jerriais, or Jersey French...... If you think French is hard enough to learn, you should take a look at Jerriais.

Sheg is also another word for mate, "a'right there sheg".


À bétôt (goodbye)

[Mike]

Here in Jersey a common greeting is "hello mo'vie". Has the same meaning as mate, or pal...... That sort of thing. It stems from Jerriais, or Jersey French...... If you think French is hard enough to learn, you should take a look at Jerriais.

Sheg is also another word for mate, "a'right there sheg".


À bétôt (goodbye)



Those are new ones to me. But hey, fair enough. It sounds like mutually agreed upon language in Jersey. Totally cool with that.

In upstate NY it's "dude" or "man". That's almost universally agreed upon language. But there are some virus' that have entered the colloquial lexicon that are not necessarily mutually agreed upon. The greatest culprit is "boss", or "boss man" or some other such idiotic variation on that theme.

I hope I'm not coming off as uptight or something. It's nothing like that. The whole thing is annoying, but it mostly just amuses me.

[Strat]

I think it was about ten years ago. I was in Verizon, AT&T or other such hellish phone place. I'm always a bit discombobulated in places like that anyway, but I don't know what possessed me to actually say this without confirming in some socially acceptable way before I actually said "When are you due?".

I cringe to this day when I remember she said "I'm not pregnant."

I really did wish the floor would open up and swallow me. Jesus, did I just say that? Out loud? And I was a marketing rep for a title company. I should KNOW better and I did. But I said it.

No excuses, except it was when those shirts were popular that made women look pregnant even when they weren't.

There was just NO way to recover from that. I don't think I ever went in there again.

Thank you for the much needed laugh!

I think I get you Mike, but not sure. These names never bothered me at all, though 'little brother' is a bit weird. And I wasn't there, the body language tells more than the words them self. So maybe you're right, and you need to take a folding chair to his dome.

That being said, as a blue collar worker, I truly can't think of a time when these names were used in a derogatory manner. I don't mean to say your experiences aren't valid, just that I haven't experienced it. I've heard 'boss' a million times but it's always been a friendly thing. The opposite of jockeying or whatever. Like saying, "I'm not playing any social bs, I'm here to work and you're the boss." It's a disarming, friendly gesture. At least in my eyes. Guys don't speak like this as often at the bar or pool hall or other places in general. Those places are where you can really see the hierarchy.

Jockeying I cant ****ing stand, and for me it's always been demonstrated in body language. Like, if I ask a question and someone ignores me for several seconds, glares at me, then answers as if I ruined their day... That is something I can't stand.

Regarding 'sir' and 'maam', I was raised to address my elders as such. Now that I'm a bit older, I feel it's just a polite way of addressing people. I will say though, I've noticed over the years more gals dislike it than like it, regardless of age. So I gotta drop it. I just feel rude referring to an older gal the same way I do a younger one.

EDIT: Completely random and off topic, Publix is one of the best things in FL. Have you had their Jacksonville Jaguars sub? It's glorious.

[onawah]

I find it amusing that addressing people as "dude" has become so much the practice in US pop culture that even women are sometimes addressed as such.
I've heard "dudette" in use as well, which is even funnier.

[Mike]

yo Strat, thanks for chiming in.

yes, body language is a factor. tone as well. the way in which it's said..the energy behind it. you nailed it there. i'm glad someone brought that up.

i'm a blue collar worker too. nothing against blue collar workers, just to be clear. and "boss" gets tossed around at my work occasionally, and it doesn't bother me really. those guys know me, i know them. it's the people i don't know that get in my craw a little.

like you, i was raised to be polite and to mind my manners. that catholic schoolboy is still in me. i address my elders respectfully. my Dad once scolded me for ordering fast food with my sun glasses on lol. that was long long ago, but till this day i won't talk to anyone without taking my sunglasses off first

note: publix is a damn good grocery store. i like it. never had the jags sub, but thanks for putting me on. i will definitely try it. ive been watching the jags since ive been down here in florida, and quietly rooting them on. doug marrone used to coach for syracuse, which is my hometown..so there's a connection there. speaking of my hometown: wegmans is the gold standard for grocery stores there. it's excellent. even the lighting there is perfect. i go there and i don't want to leave. great subs there too.

Nat: even my Mom calls me 'dude' sometimes:)

[Pam]

Maybe the annoyance is a male thing. I have never looked at any of those ways of addressing someone as a sort of positioning of power. In fact, I find a lot of them rather endearing. The other side of the coin is that I'm a female so maybe no one ever attempts to establish any power position with me.

Now here is the bristley part..Why does that bother you so much? There is this thing in the world, that which bugs the hell out of you, is always really about you...sometimes I just hate that but it is a great tool if you use it.

[Bill Ryan]

The mods would like to change the thread title to

Boss, Chief, Buddy, Dude, Big Man, Little Brother, Bro, Luv, Darlin, Toots, Pal, Dear, Hun, Sweetie, Babe, Sweetheart, Ma'am, Miss, Mate, Sheg, Duck*, Hen**




:P
* English
** Scottish (don't ask!)

[onawah]

Don't forget "dudette" !! :girl_wink:
The mods would like to change the thread title to

Boss, Chief, Buddy, Dude, Big Man, Little Brother, Bro, Luv, Darlin, Toots, Pal, Dear, Hun, Sweetie, Babe, Sweetheart, Ma'am, Miss, Mate, Sheg, Duck*, Hen**




:P
* English
** Scottish (don't ask!)

[Strat]

I think if anyone met Mike in real life, and wanted to go home with racoon eyes and a limp, ask him, "What's with the basketball hoop on your door little brother?"

[Mike]

The mods would like to change the thread title to

Boss, Chief, Buddy, Dude, Big Man, Little Brother, Bro, Luv, Darlin, Toots, Pal, Dear, Hun, Sweetie, Babe, Sweetheart, Ma'am, Miss, Mate, Sheg, Duck*, Hen**




:P
* English
** Scottish (don't ask!)


The team has been working hard today:bigsmile:

I may be forced to inquire about "hen" on the ask Bill thread lol

[Mike]

I think if anyone met Mike in real life, and wanted to go home with racoon eyes and a limp, ask him, "What's with the basketball hoop on your door little brother?"

Literally laughed out loud here!:clapping:

[happyuk]

The mods would like to change the thread title to

Boss, Chief, Buddy, Dude, Big Man, Little Brother, Bro, Luv, Darlin, Toots, Pal, Dear, Hun, Sweetie, Babe, Sweetheart, Ma'am, Miss, Mate, Sheg, Duck*, Hen**




:P
* English
** Scottish (don't ask!)


The team has been working hard today:bigsmile:

I may be forced to inquire about "hen" on the ask Bill thread lol

It's what many if not most Scottish women informally call each other as in "you okay, hen?". But it's got to be in the right context. My female supervisor once misheard me and asked with amused incredulity "DID YOU JUST CALL ME HEN??!!" lol

[Tintin]

The mods would like to change the thread title to

Boss, Chief, Buddy, Dude, Big Man, Little Brother, Bro, Luv, Darlin, Toots, Pal, Dear, Hun, Sweetie, Babe, Sweetheart, Ma'am, Miss, Mate, Sheg, Duck*, Hen**




:P
* English
** Scottish (don't ask!)


The team has been working hard today:bigsmile:

I may be forced to inquire about "hen" on the ask Bill thread lol

It's what many if not most Scottish women informally call each other as in "you okay, hen?". But it's got to be in the right context. My female supervisor once misheard me and asked with amused incredulity "DID YOU JUST CALL ME HEN??!!" lol

I was once given the moniker, affectionately mind, of chicken lips and regularly addressed as such - I know that she did have a bit of a 'thing' for me though, so, it was a uniquely charming avatar :)

These days I am most often addressed as sticks on account of the size and width of my roll-up cigarettes. It warms my heart every time I hear it :)

[petra]

...
Little dude. We both looked at each other with mild disbelief and amusement. Jimmy was a little older than both of us then, but at about 5'5", considerably shorter than my friend. Little dude. It became a running joke for a while, and then it just crept into our lexicon in sort of a sarcastic way. I just spoke to him on the phone an hour ago. hey little dude, I said. What's up lil' guy? he replied.




I was buying fresh salmon from this guy in the seafood department at Publix, and as he was handing the salmon to me, I'm pretty sure he said, "there ya go little brother."


Hi Mike,
I've been enjoying this thread a lot, and maybe part of that is because I'm little.

It's definitely weird that people have been calling you little when you're not! Perhaps that's a synchronicity of sorts (I think of those like clues).

The thing that talks to me using my own thoughts once asked me "What do you think you are?" (dumb question, I know) and something else replied "I'm only little". I'll never forget it - really creepy.

As for the 'pet names' stuff, the emotion seems to depend a lot on context. My thoughts used to call me 'Sweety' sometimes, and as creepy as that was, it was also kind of cute. That's also another reason I know it wasn't me - I don't call myself sweety (that would be dumb!). There was another one (maybe same one) that would call me 'Stupid', but instead of getting offended - I found that hilarious! I still do. I refer to that one as 'Idiot' (jokingly). (I'm Stupid, and He's Idiot - together, we make a Stupid Idiot)

[AutumnW]

Thought of another one. And this one, for some reason, realllyyy gets under my skin. You visit an acquaintance in their home for the first time, or vice versa and her kids, who you have never laid eyes on before, call you 'Auntie' This is usually followed with other weird behavior, like crawling all over you, uninvited. I am a very warm person but can't stand this kind of crap. If it's a toddler, no problem. But when your kid is six years old, they should know better and if not its up to the parent to have them back off a bit.
I get what Mike means about some kind of weird manipulative undertone here. It feels like the kids are reflexively faking a close relationship because they want something from you...like a gift next time you visit? Have no idea if that's what is happening but it feels that way.

[petra]

Thought of another one. And this one, for some reason, realllyyy gets under my skin. You visit an acquaintance in their home for the first time, or vice versa and her kids, who you have never laid eyes on before, call you 'Auntie' This is usually followed with other weird behavior, like crawling all over you, uninvited. I am a very warm person but can't stand this kind of crap. If it's a toddler, no problem. But when your kid is six years old, they should know better and if not its up to the parent to have them back off a bit.

I get what Mike means about some kind of weird manipulative undertone here. It feels like the kids are reflexively faking a close relationship because they want something from you...like a gift next time you visit? Have no idea if that's what is happening but it feels that way.

I think it's mostly unintentional when it comes to kids - a kind of conditioned behavior. For example if a child has seen this tactic work, they'll try it again. They don't realize it's manipulative - they think they're being smart.

Parents need to wise up, for sure. I recall reading about a mother who told her kids "If you ask me if your friend can spend the night, and the friend is in the room while asking, the answer is an automatic NO". They explained to the child that this is to avoid manipulation.

One thing I absolutely cannot stand is when parents have their kids kiss their (adult) friends goodnight. That's SO uncomfortable for me, and I can tell it's uncomfortable for the child too. What the heck are those parents trying to show off? How obedient the child is? It's just baffling.

[Pam]

Thought of another one. And this one, for some reason, realllyyy gets under my skin. You visit an acquaintance in their home for the first time, or vice versa and her kids, who you have never laid eyes on before, call you 'Auntie' This is usually followed with other weird behavior, like crawling all over you, uninvited. I am a very warm person but can't stand this kind of crap. If it's a toddler, no problem. But when your kid is six years old, they should know better and if not its up to the parent to have them back off a bit.
I get what Mike means about some kind of weird manipulative undertone here. It feels like the kids are reflexively faking a close relationship because they want something from you...like a gift next time you visit? Have no idea if that's what is happening but it feels that way.

That kind of thing happens when the parents coach them to say it, believing that you will be honored to be called Auntie by their little darlings...

[conk]

I read most of this tread and it seems my least favorite hasn't been mentioned. "Hey, what's up Big Guy"? Or the abbreviated version, Guy. "sup Guy"? Does it get any more generic than Guy?

There is a grocery clerk that hits me with more Darlings, Honeys, and Loves than I can bear before paying and escaping. They just flow out of her mouth like molten insincerity. And I can't decide which inevitable question I despise worse. "Did you find everything you're looking for"? or when purchasing a cold drink, "Did you want me to leave this out"? Yes, leave it out and I'll try to carry it under my arm pit, while struggling with 3 bags in each hand, and I'll ask a stranger to get my keys out of my pocket!

Oh, and thanks Slim for such a fun thread.

[Mike]

I read most of this tread and it seems my least favorite hasn't been mentioned. "Hey, what's up Big Guy"? Or the abbreviated version, Guy. "sup Guy"? Does it get any more generic than Guy?

There is a grocery clerk that hits me with more Darlings, Honeys, and Loves than I can bear before paying and escaping. They just flow out of her mouth like molten insincerity. And I can't decide which inevitable question I despise worse. "Did you find everything you're looking for"? or when purchasing a cold drink, "Did you want me to leave this out"? Yes, leave it out and I'll try to carry it under my arm pit, while struggling with 3 bags in each hand, and I'll ask a stranger to get my keys out of my pocket!

Oh, and thanks Slim for such a fun thread.




Molten insincerity:bigsmile: Slim liked that one.

Omg, yeah those automated questions bug me too.

What really gives the autopilot away though is the "have a good day" they'll offer me at 9 in the evening.

[Strat]

I had to hold back laughing today when I went to Subway and the kid working there asked me, "What can I get for you boss man?" You may be a nerd when forum threads are creeping into your mind in real life situations.

Since everyone can identify with whatever they want nowadays, I hereby demand that I must be referred to as 'liege.'