Friends Lost? Will it Ever be Mended?

[thepainterdoug]

its been quite a time since 2016 , the beginning of my parting ways with 3 friends longtime friends of over 20 years.

The first part is they were homers, gamers, political party guys and I was not. I went where the logic went.
Im not a dem or republican not then or now.

The second is ,now in reflection, they were normies. Calling me BS on everything from 9/11 to my questioning all the school shootings, false flags, operation Northwoods, the 2.3 trillion lost at the pentagon , the USS liberty etc and of course UFO, S

But even thru that, we managed to get along.

But covid did it. Covid, then the election which i 100% believe was rigged.

Then the march in step Trump hate and their endorsement of Biden, and it was too far a chasm to repair
The reason it cant be repaired is after the first hey, how are you?, the wife , the kids etc?? theres nothing else. It all abruptly hits a wall.

and I will not have my nerves frayed and my sanity challenged. I will not lie to myself

And now, It looks like all my stuff that I listed above, all my positions are coming forth, becoming real and true.

So now, of course they will just steer clear rather than say, hey man you were right.
Down deep, I still love them, just cant interact to anyones benefit

Anyone else going thru the same?

[Bill Ryan]

Doug, do see this thread. It's really quite a good one. :flower:

Reconnecting with alienated friends and family (https://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?48412-Reconnecting-with-alienated-friends-and-family)

[thepainterdoug]

Bill sorry , maybe I should do a better search for pre existing threads? . Feel free to move and or alter my post into that one if you like

[Mari]

Bill sorry , maybe I should do a better search for pre existing threads? . Feel free to move and or alter my post into that one if you like

Doug, I'm waiting to see whether Bill will shift your post to the thread he mentioned, but in the meantime, here's my short/ish reply:

Yes- we are going through the same! These times are what I'd call the great 'pruning' (sorry, gardener's term) whereupon we are called to realise our truly authentic selves. This is often ruthless, takes no prisoners and can be incredibly painful. It's what happens when we are called upon to be true to ourselves. This phase is bandied about in the 'spiritual' community and is often worn as a virtue-signalling badge. But we have no idea of it's ruthlessness until we come up against the 'wall' as you say.
We can still love our family and friends even if we cannot interact with them And that's perfectly okay.
If your relationship with someone is meant to continue, then you (and they) will find a way to reconnect. If not, send them love and let it be.

[Michel Leclerc]

Yes, Doug. Exactly.

A good friendship is based on a commitment to truth and sincerity. Now that the Covid onslaught on health is dawning on more people than before, and vaccinated persons notice how their own health is affected – history seems to be in the process of being rewritten. They accepted to be vaccinated but did not really believe that it might be helpful — and “after all”, also their (“former”) friend Michel did not knew the whole story either – so after all, to use a simile from earlier times, we are all Nazi “accommodators” to Nazi rule and members of the Resistance at the same time...

and that is of course not true. So this "saving face" move appears to be the condition for resumed friendship. But that does not work, because it is in itself a lie: truth and sincerity will then never be present, and the friendship will remain broken.

[Arcturian108]

A couple of my fairly close friends who were on the other side of the wall have tried to stay in touch in a token way, and I have encouraged them to do so. But one of these friends can't bring herself to call me, and only sends me the yearly Christmas printed letter telling of all her family's accomplishments of the past year. This serves as a reminder of the absence of the closeness we once had. This year I gently let her know in a return card of the loss I am feeling. That's all I can do. Her father-in-law was so famous that Hillary Clinton spoke at his funeral. She and her husband have been staunch Hillary supporters ever since. While we got through that period, she couldn't handle all my other stuff, other than my spiritual path, and thus stopped calling without any specific blowup involved.

It's amazing to me that almost all the so-called spiritual leaders and movements encouraged their adherents to get the Covid shots. This was true of the Transcendental Meditation movement, the Vipassana movement, Mother Meera and her followers. So disappointing. I remain a short-term pessimist and a long-term optimist regarding this and everything else we are experiencing these days.

[Matthew]

Ouch yes. For me it got worse and worse until I resented everyone, not only for feeling socially alienated, but I resented them for also being the cause; they encouraged it by trusting the untrustable and going along with it. The weight against us non-conformists got bigger as they complied. This is all true, it will be true forever.

However, resentment doesn't offer any viable solution for trying to get on with life again; the injustice and horror is too deep, it is never ending. Just goes on forever. I envy the happily ignorant. Project Avalon plays a huge part in both separation and unity. But the truth is compelling for us, and most of us are destined to increasingly alienate ourselves. But then that said we also have that rare and precious community of unity around very little in common.

My friend I met at an anti-lockdown-etc protests in London said something like: "They slice and dice us all ways they can. First Covid, then Ukraine, then Israel. We end up very cut off.". I'm acting out my own solution to this. My moto now is kind of justice and retribution be dammed, true healers come and just take this all away. My journey and conclusion are religious and so controversial itself in a slice and dice way described above.

But at least I don't hate everyone anymore. I still have to keep some distance from annoying friends where I can. But I don't know how they need me so I suffer more BS than I otherwise would. Compassion has become easier. I talked about it in a thread called "Spiritual Poison". Glad you can talk about it, sometimes that is the thing that helps. It's a difficult one to express sometimes especially when feeling alienated.

[Vangelo]

Great responses so far. This is such a painful topic for many of us.

My expectations are low regarding re-unification with a friend or loved one because these topics are so tightly coupled with their identities and how they have subsequently defined me.

In order for them to make any progress toward reconciliation, they will have to reach the point where they admit to themselves that they were wrong. If they are able to admit that, then they will be confronted with the harsh reality that they are not the person they thought they were. That means they will have to redefine their identity, a very difficult task. Few people are willing to do the work and be that honest with themselves.

Next, they will need to acknowledge that they treated me horribly. If they are able to admit that to themselves, then they will have to admit that to me. This too is a difficult thing to do. Instead, most people will want to ignore the facts, wish it away, and make believe all is well again. I won't play that game.

Having said all that, my door is always open to have any open and honest discussion with them. If they say that they want to reconnect, I will ask why? Depending upon their answer, I will or will not reconnect.

I also know, that it will not be possible for me to have a deep relationship with them again until they acknowledge that they have treated me poorly and request reconciliation. I don't care if they admit they were wrong about the topics or if they apologize. (I feel this way because saying i am sorry and apologizing without acknowledging how they treated me has little meaning.) What is important to me is how they treated me then, and how they will treat me in the future; not that I was right about these subjects. I need them to be authentic and real by acknowledging that they treated me badly, and I also need them to describe what they want in our future relationship.

[thepainterdoug]

Great responses. There is pain here. It simple comes down to this for me. can I lie to myself to keep an untruth going? answer. NO. So I have had to realize right or wrong, its time to let go.

they are good people, mean no harm, but they are causing harm by supporting, passively this agenda. Even mask wearing is saying, I support the powers at be , I march in step. This sickens me, and I cant stay in the same room with them.

Seems like judgement, maybe it is? Did Jesus not throw the Pharisees , the money worshipers out of the temple? No, not making an analogy to Jesus myself but it truly is analogous

I have found great comfort and solace in finding complete friendship with my creator. just the two of us, during long days and nights,by myself, I am never alone

this is monumental

[Casey Claar]

So now, of course they will just steer clear rather than say, hey man you were right.
Down deep, I still love them, just cant interact to anyones benefit

Anyone else going thru the same?

My life has been this from the start.

I didn't really realize it, though, until my 40s, when I was tasked to begin speaking with people due to the awakening. I was always quite happy at a distance from everyone. I felt close to them even though not physically. I've never had any harsh feelings toward anyone. I could read the energy. It just is what it is. And it was first and foremost always me, who didn't want to get caught up in all the dramatics. Covid was the same in many regards, but also different due to everyone drawing lines at the same time. Mostly I am sad watching all this happen. It makes my heart hurt. The loss is overwhelming. And I am scared now at times, nervous, anxious, knowing this may be just the beginning of what is to come.

[DNA]

It hurt to lose my mom in all of this.
My sister as well.
My uncle.
That hurt.

When covid came out my mom had already had a few years of hating my guts over Trump.
Her feminism was hooked by Trump's perceived misogyny and some where in her head it became a case of Trump being the oppressor of all victims everywhere.

My pro-Trump stance was perceived as a unforgivable act of betrayal.
This is kind of ironic if you knew our history.
I was amazed then as I'm amazed now that I was unable to use reason and examples to reach a middle ground with her.
She literally disowned me.
I'm in awe as I look back over those years.
My relatives would call me asking questions about things my mom had told them twisting my words around in such a manner as to make me look crazy.
I'm still getting those phone calls.
It hurts...

So covid comes out and I beg my mom not to get the clot shot.
I beg. I try explaining why. But she would cut my off and say she wasn't going to get it.
I was so happy she was seeing things from my point of view for once.
Que music that makes happy guy look like an idiot.
I told her if for any reason she was thinking about getting it or being cohearsed into it to please call me.
I look back now and realize she was just condenscedingly humoring me, her crazy Trump loving son.
She went out and got that shot and she died in less than a year.
Aggressive cancer. She did not die well. Skin and bones when she died. She couldn't keep food down for months.
I was able to see her a few times before she died which was nice.
No politics. Just sharing time. My mom being magnanimous and loving her traitor son even if he was a Trump loving idiot. LoL

It went better with my sister.
She was the main recipient of my mom's creative interpretations of my side of our Trump esque political discussions with a large dose of wikileaks .
My sister would regularly get triggered and call me screaming at me over things me and my mom had discussed which taken out of context do sound nasty and bat guano Loco.
But I look back now and I realize I had to try.

When covid came out me and my sister were on speaking terms and she agreed to increments of two months at a time to hold off on the vaccine.
In that time slot I would call her and tell her what was going on.
When our mom died I explained how the vaccine causes aggressive cancers in people.
Through those two month increments I got her to the point where she was in the clear and she is now glad she never got the shot.
She watched the recent sound of freedom film on human trafficking and even started to hear me out on that topic.

Sorry about over sharing. This felt good to get off my chest. :)
Thanks Doug for the thread :happythumbsup:

[Antagenet]

I have seen long term friends of mine change in the past several years more than ever before. Everyone seems to have had major stresses and/or personality changes.
Ive seen people suddenly wealthy turn into real arrogant assholes after years of poverty.
I've seen run of the mill slightly dullards become rather brilliant as if 20+ IQ points were gifted to them.
I've seen people with rather funny dry wits because suddenly cruel narcissists.
I've seen people who towed the normality line suddenly veer into becoming outliers.
I've seen so many people develop illnesses, many more than in the past.
Future shock has become present transformation.
It's almost as if God is pushing people to show who they truly are.

[Kuperkai]

After digesting all of the lies that have been disseminated in my lifetime, I've come to the realization that most people do not want to face the cold, hard truth about living in a society led by psychopathic liars. They would rather believe these lies, because the lies confirm their view of reality (a confirmation bias) and provide a safe course of action. Most humans have very strong herd instincts, and consequently a super-majority of them prefer the warmth and comfort of the herd to the cold isolation of a truth-seeker. Additionally, by believing the lies, they are "absolve" themselves of correcting the mistruths and lies, which would be inherently risky and possible detrimental to their own health and well-being. Some would call this cowardly self-preservation.

But this is not something new. Humans have been this way for a long time and the "elites" know it. We greatly outnumber the "elites" and could easily kill them all, but we don't. We don't kill them (I'm NOT advocating this) for the reasons I've outlined above. Most cling to this earthly existence as if this is all there is, and as such they are extremely risk averse to any activity or thinking that might prematurely end their soul's journey.

@thepainterdoug's post (https://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?122408-Friends-Lost-Will-it-Ever-be-Mended&p=1591523&viewfull=1#post1591523) reminds me of the title of a book by James Perloff (https://jamesperloff.net/), "Truth is a Lonely Warrior". Those who seek the truth, frequently have to cut their own path- witness the Project Camelot adventures of Bill Ryan and Kerry Cassidy. Leaving behind seeds of truth is sometimes the only thing we can do to help others. For me, my transformation began in earnest when I realized there was something fundamentally wrong with the world around me (including my world view), and that I had to seek the answers for myself.

I won't diminish the pain of lost friendships, because the pain is very real. That said, being a truth-seeker is a more solitary path and pain appears to be a part of the journey. However, it is also the reason why many of us are here on Avalon. I'm grateful to Bill & company for providing a space where fellow travelers can congregate and share our insights.

[Mike]

Doug, reading your original post made me think of this quote by the great Alexander Solzhenitsyn:
https://www.azquotes.com/picture-quotes/quote-you-can-resolve-to-live-your-life-with-integrity-let-your-credo-be-this-let-the-lie-aleksandr-solzhenitsyn-42-26-47.jpg

I was just thinking tonight that the longer you remain alone the more accustomed to it you become, and the less flexible you become, and the more idiosyncratic you become, and the more draining it becomes to be in the presence of other people.

If to all that you add a red-pill perspective on politics, social trends, spiritual matters, and esoteric stuff, not only does it make it difficult to maintain the friendships and family relationships you already have, it makes it near impossible to create new ones.

It can be painful, but not as painful as forfeiting your integrity to fit in with politically correct social circles.

I've been lucky in the sense that my family really doesn't discuss politics. They're mostly anti-Trump, for example, but never rub it in my face really. For the most part they'll listen politely to things I say on alternative health therapies, so called conspiracies, vaccine related stuff, and so on. I've made a dent with a few of them. Got my Dad on a q10 supplement; that was a victory.

But I don't say much in those areas anymore. There was nothing I could have said to prevent anyone in my family from getting vaxxed. They would have gotten it anyway, and all I would have done is create tension. There's nothing I can say to my sister to talk her out of "transitioning" her teen daughter. So I don't. It may sound like a pitiful surrender, but it's not - it's just a weary acceptance of reality.

They all know how I feel about it all already. My older sister emailed me a while back to tell me she was unsubscribing from my Medium account, due to the "trans hate" in my stories. That's about the most dramatic thing that has happened with me so far. I wrote a polite reply back, and we don't seem any worse for wear (so far anyway). We're still on good terms.

The most painful thing that's happened I'd say is the erosion of my relationship with my niece, who I used to be pretty close to. Once she went all LGBTQ, she got broody and distant, and now will walk right by me without saying a word.

But I don't fight it. It's all so deeply entrenched that the energy required to even make a dent is beyond what I can muster. So I'm in the helpless position of watching it all run its course.

[Ratszinger]

It isn't just politics but other things too. I lost two life long friends over George Floyd when I said the guy was a criminal and the cops were innocent. One of them was the best man at my first wedding and now he won't even speak to me! Others unfriended me on Facebook simply because they heard I supported Donald Trump it wasn't even first hand but third party hearsay! Did they ask me? Nope! There is a mass mind meld going on with people here and it apparently effects all of us but those with weaker minds that tend to follow fall right in line with the programming and behave as they do, due to that mind meld. I don't hold it completely against them. It has even infiltrated the minds of some that were once strong individuals thinking for themvselves like Neil Young the singer. A protest singer in the 60s pushing "SCREW THE ESTABLISHMENT" songs and such and don't trust the Gov. but now Neil and others like him have turned a compelte 180 to demand people listen to the man, follow and obey the establishment and trust the government and more! The sad thing about this is they apparently don't even see this themselves. They can't explain because they all have that damn TV between their ears!! And when you bring it up personally with them and point it out what do they do? They block you! That's why they call it "PROGRAMMING" it's that simple, the TV programming works and it's mind melded perhaps over half the population of the world at this point that has access to it daily.

[Mike]

It hurt to lose my mom in all of this.
My sister as well.
My uncle.
That hurt.

Hey Marcus, this was all pretty gutting. Sorry it all happened bro.

I admire you for your efforts.

The main issue with this type of propaganda is that it requires an energy many orders of magnitude more to wake someone up than it does to brainwash them.

You need time, and someone who's at least mildly interested in what you're telling them. When something like the scamdemic occurs, it's all moving at such a blinding speed that offering someone an education before they make a mistake (the vax) is simply impossible.

The only thing you can do then is run around and shout and plead and beg...and it's precisely the type of behavior that will make them think you're even crazier than they already do (and even less likely to listen). It's a cruel catch-22.

Still, I admire what you did, and often wonder if I could have done more. It kinda haunts me.

[thepainterdoug]

All these great replies, quotes and comments tell me I am with my family.

we all need to remember, nothing is happening to us, but rather is happening for us

i thank you all.

[Mark (Star Mariner)]

Their opinions in many cases are not their own; they've been coerced and persuaded to think in these terms by the poison they have ingested. They've been duped by the political discourse, which most of all has targeted their feelings. Thus debates based on reason are no longer possible. I don't even try. I keep my 'crazy conspiracy theories' to myself these days. It's a waste of time even talking about. It might even do more damage than good.

Most of all I try to remind myself what our friendship or relationship was founded on. It's still in there somewhere. Deep down they are the same person, they've just been lulled to sleep -- they have been conditioned, and it's not their fault.

[TravelerJim]

I think about this a lot.

In the past I have had family members and friends pass from Alzheimers and dementia, so I know what that is like. This is what I consider to be a good model to use for most people now, on both sides of the politcal aisle, for the US at least. When people get to those states I do not see them as responsible for their own thought process. I think that is the case for most Americans now.

This transformation of the human species - at least in the US - has been a long time coming. It has been done over decades, through bad food, lots of drugs, media control, etc. This is true for family, friends, and people on the street. So what we have all been up against is quite powerful, well-resourced, and well-thought out. This is why I give some slack to those folks who have been consumed by it.

The main things I notice are the absolute lack of desire for most to engage in any of critical thinking, and the zombie-like eyes of people I do not know but interact at stores, in the parks, etc. This takeover has been sped up through the vaccines, to be sure.

All that said, I gain in my strength and resolve daily. I go deeper into myself, connecting with my "Higher Self". I feel blessed to be able to see what is going on. I "pick my battles", and focus on connections with other humans which might have purpose. And learn every day, or try to. But I am less and less emotional about the friends and family I can no longer easily communicate with, because I accept that they are in way over their heads this "go-around".

Just some of my thoughts shared here.

Peace to all. I am glad you are here.

[Open Minded Dude]

Interesting synchronicity. Just before I opened the Avalon page and clicked on this very thread I had thought about a former friend I had lost over 'Covid views' and just wanted to google about him to find out if there's sth new, mostly it is from his job life as a kind of social worker.

We were friends since the mid 80s from high school days. That is also why it really pains me still.

Last time I met him in person was when he helped me move in together with another friend (one I still have today although he also got the vax) to my house in late 2019. I have not seen him anymore since them but we just chatted via Skype or Email. We then wanted to meet again over a beer or two but never did.

Then the Plandemic happened in the following year and in some of his emails I found out to my dismay what/how he was thinking. Strange for me first because I thought he was an 'alternative' guy to some degree, interested in alternative medicine and even kind of sympathetic to Trump or the German AFD party.

He did not answer my emails anymore after I wrote one in April 2021 (when the vax started in my country) where I finally told him I am of a different opinion about this topic and would not get vaxxed and that my world view is probably very different from his. HE should have known from my background as a trained naturopath and healer but seemed to have forgotten or ignored it. I also asked him if he was serious about what he wrote. But nothing too aggressive, just staying friendly and diplomatic still.

That was obviously 'evil' enough of me. He did not repond anymore.

Recently I forwarded him something about a class/college reunion that we had every 5 years (but I don't go there anymore) and asked if he got it too and also how he's doing to prompt him to answer. Crickets.

That's it for me. He's history. Won't try anymore. Don't know how I would react if I came across hime just by coinicidence, probably pretend I don't see him. It could be very awkward.

Today with people I meet (if I do at all) I keep it all to myself when I talk to them unless I cannot 'hold it' any longer but then I try to be diplomatic and just give 'hints' or allusions or make some ironic jokes.

Good to find family here. Being the way we are can make you very lonely. I've been a loner before when I wasn't into conspiracy and politics and all that but now it got harder with all the political stuff.

[Vangelo]

...
The main things I notice are the absolute lack of desire for most to engage in any of critical thinking...
I'm glad you mentioned this TravelerJim. I have been thinking about it all day. Specifically, that I have noticed that they not only are incapable of thinking critically but they believe anyone who questions their dogma is a not only a bad person but they are also a real threat to everyone's safety. It seems we are now living in Orwell's 1984. For those unfamiliar with that dystopian novel, the act of questioning authority and seeking the truth is the central theme of the book. People are put in jail and are re-programmed if they are caught disagreeing with the official narrative or not using NewSpeak.
Oyyy...

[Delight]

I feel I do not have a real community as I imagine one I would be happy in. I interact superficially but like to be home alone. The main reason I have ended up being so hermit like is that I am actually extremely picky. For example, I want to live with people who are not biased. I am interested and curious about many different contexts and ways of living BUT WITHOUT INVERSION> I repudiate EVIL. and I cannot stand a cult of particular idealistic persuasions. I am grappling with life as paradox. There are dual coin faces on situations. best not to get too attached to what is constantly morphing IMO. Where paradox is not honored, IMO that is where the mind gets trapped. IMO Paradox is our play.

I do not think I am right but I am aware I have a POV. That is fine if I can let go of beliefs with new energy and information. People DO live in cult like mind sets.

There is then a strong need to find others thinking that way. In my area, several people I like are strong Christian religion followers. The fundamental aspect is that Jesus is the Way, The TRUTH, and the Light and you have to follow Jesus. My friend L is married to a man who is a truther and she and he are estranged over ideas.

Personally I am very happy to see their path for them. BUT, I feel they do not understand my path and so I can't be 100% my self. How can one live in a community where we ARE free to be ourselves is my big question?
I hear all the time about how "covid" has united tribes. Actually it has and some are now "against" the other tribe on a plane where we are all concerned deeply about humanity. Anything adamant can be positioned against anything equally adamant. The issues to divide those who SAY: "It is about freedom to choose" pile up and people take sides.

Then there are so many people who are deeply afraid for the earth. They are so willing to contort themselves in knots around how humans should BE. They don't seem very trusting of a Higher Force, of Life and our true state as human.

Then there are people who are just helpless in some way or other. Am I wrong to feel annoyed that people are chronically suffering? I ask myself if I lack compassion. I know lots of stories about healing. Many look for the right treatments when they COULD be healing. It makes no sense to me.

I feel I want to LIVE already healed with medicine of Divine Connection. I am certain in a full relationship with Creator BY ANY NAME, we will be fully physically expressed and have inner LIGHT as food, medicines etc.

AND I do have concerns that we are being herded into Egregores and I feel as if only our inner connection to Source will be the remedy. TO ME, if we just GO THERE, to our source, we meet up with those who have their light and we can have a community of masters who then COOPERATE as FRIENDS and fellow explorers on a beautiful planet.

I cannot see any community that means to me this FREE, being a friend as the highest value in a Divinely supported work shop. The work is all about how to be fully human in body with soul full online here. God is here. We learn what we are really capable expressing. It's no longer about healing and all the old stuff. been THERE, done THAT. It is about being an Art-Is-It in physical form.

Truthfully, people already are the artist in their experience but many just copy and paste onto their reality. IF you know you are the creator in the dream, it is no longer a matter of feeling sad about people but allowing being with our true friends. In a way this internet forum psychically connects in the web of Indra, I am CERTAIN. Maybe SOON, it all reconfigures and we will be neighbors. That would be sweet.

Though I feel little drama and have respectful kind interactions, I feel like I live a lot in my imagination of how it feels to be happy and free.

I interact with neighbors and friends who seem to expect hardship, pain and suffering is normal. Yes, I do try to share my feeling it does not have to be this way. They don't seem to hear what I HEAR. I think many of us feel we are strangers in a strange land MORE and MORE. It is great to read so many wonderful people here share their experiences.

Despite thinking so much, my heart knows that the feeling of already being happy and free is leading me and how it plays out will be GOOD.

I am focused on how to be full and complete and find that fascinating. I may never have any physical friends here for a campfire but who knows if they will arrive any moment? This moment is just fine now. Bottom line is we leave this place and We are each going "home" one by one anyway sooner than later.

[Mari]

And we have to remember that the divine energies bombarding us, which are contributing to lifting Earth's consciousness and ours, does not support anything of a lower frequency. Everyone has their own frequency and if this doesn't match others' in your life, then you will feel it on some level and 'stuff' will happen. A case in point is when I feel I 'have' to speak to sis-in-law, as on Christmas day last and as ever, the telephone line plays up.
On this occasion, 2 mins into the conversation (and I'm already up against the 'wall' as Doug earlier stated) and the line crackles and..goes dead. Every time. I'm acutely aware that there's nothing 'connecting' sis-in-law and me other than duty and Universe shows me via a dead line. Amazing stuff. Oh, one of us phones each other back, apologising for the 'cut-off' line but instead of calling it a day then and there, we stumble on, each glad that we've got this 'done' for another year.