Samurai
24th March 2024, 17:14
I have been asked to write this from another member after i posted on the Haiku thread a few nights ago. My post struck a chord with her. I am not a prolific poster despite being somewhat of a long timer, and I tend to operate more of a lurker if i am honest. I promised her, so here we go...
I will start with the Haiku
"Bladder bleeding - again
Lung clot thinners playing havoc
Life is sweet - it wasn't C
Been a tough week. But there is always a light when a shadow is cast. "
Around 25ish years ago I went and saw a medium, a good one. He told me that at around 50 (I am now not long turned 51) I would have 'cancer - or something' in my lower torso area, he said 'it will be ok, you will be ok and live a very long life' I remember it very clearly, you remember these things. I filed it away and got on with my life. At the time 50 was a long way off for me, i guess at the time i assumed maybe cancer would be a widely curable thing by the 2020s. It did also cross my mind that maybe he saw the cancer and told me it would be ok to make me feel better, when in fact it may not be. Although it has been in the back of my mind it isnt something that has worried me, until 12 weeks ago...
A few years later I found MY Sensei, I had been training for a couple of years I wasnt 100% happy with the current club I was at, but it had given me the martial arts bug. I had asked the universe to train with a real master (like you do, just in case someone is actually listening), a short time after that I met him. We study a combination of Karate, Aikido, Iaido and Zazen.
After some time, maybe a year or so, he told me that he had cured himself of cancer, Hodgkinsons Lymphoma, by using High Dose Vitamin C, Fasting and Meditation, He was part of a TV program in the 80s or 90s about cancer, of the patients studied, he and another man were the only 2 that didnt follow doctors treatments, and they, at that time, were the only 2 survivors. Around 10 years ago, possibly more, he informed us he had stage 4 cancer of the prostate, there was panic in the club, he seemed to be getting his house in order. He began treating himself once again. I started making him liposomal vitamin C after reading about it online. His diet became tailored for maximum vitamin C absorbtion. He was using meditation to increase oxygen content in the cells as well as creative healing visualisations of his anatomy. My Sensei is nearly 80, and still going, there are issues now, he is now on a course on cannabis oil in combination with his usual treatments and there have been a few tweaks to the dietry protocol, but he is still with us.
That has also been part of my training. I have faith, I have seen it with my own eyes, the power of self healing and having the strength to do your own thing despite the odds. It takes dedication, you cannot mess about, but it works.
Despite moving away 3 years ago into the remote hills (safer from potential zombies) I still train regually. My diet is good (although always room for improvement), I do a lot of hill walking, drink filtered water, drink very moderately, very rarely smoke socially, mediatate (not enough) and use visualisation. I had none of the vaccinations, confident I could rely on my immune system. For a man of my age (any age), I am in excellent condition.
Background information over.
9 months ago I get what i thought was a groin strain during Aikido practice, I also noticed a brused kidney (although put this down to being thrown around like a ragdoll), within days I had trouble urinating whilst always being desperate to go. Went to the medical centre to get checked out, they assumed a urinary tract infection and gave me some pills. My urine test came back with no bacterial growth but high white blood cell count. The pills seem to clear it up. Month or so later it returned, then the focus was on possible prostate issues (my father had non PSA prostate cancer at 50, which was treated), I had the tests, the dreaded finger, all came up clear. The doctors kind of dismissed me.
So i carried on as if nothing was wrong, despite getting out of bed up to 8 times a night to go to the toilet. I was testing my urine and always had unusually high white blood cell counts. But I got on with it. I had managed to get a referal a 9 month wait through the NHS.
Christmas came and it got worse, pretty soon I could no longer stand up to urinate, I had to put pressure on my bladder by doubling over and push for sometimes 5 minutes to pass a small amount. My sleep was destroyed, I work from home but my work was suffering.
3 weeks ago I went to see a private Urologist. I had ultrasounds and he told me my bladder wasnt emptying due to what he thaught was my pipes closing up due to scar tissue from infections I had as a very young man. He could go in there and stretch the pipe, job done. Superb.
12 days ago I was knocked out and operated on.
When i was in in the recovery room with a cathater fitted (which was a surprise). The surgeon came to see me and told me he had found something. My bladder wall was now more like a bowel it had thickend up so much, he thought there maybe something more sinister going on and had taken 16 biopsies. When i pressed him as to what he thought it, was he said CIS which is bladder cancer (damn that medium...), the biopsies were taken to confirm this and to see if it had spread into the muscle around the bladder. He said it may not be cancer, but it looked like it to him. He apologies.
I obviously cant say I was surprised. I felt ok, in control, until I had to tell my wife.
That was hard. This was it, life was about to change for sure.
We went home and started making plans. What should we do? How do I treat it (call Sensei) unless it was a quick fix Vitamin C, Cannabis Oil, Medicinal Mushrooms, Diet, Meditation, Visualisation was my plan.
Friday the tube and bag is removed.
Sunday night, my kidney is killing me, my chest is really hurting, I am having trouble laying in bed, something is wrong. You cant help it, but your mind goes to cancer - fast acting heeby-jeeby cancer.
After a call to the NHS I find myself in A&E.
Works out I have a Pulmonary Embolism, a blood clot on the lung from surgery which is not good news. I have xrays, blood tests and ECGs
I explained about the probable bladder cancer and operation I had. They gave me a fast acting blood thinner injection into my stomach and told me to go home and come back the next day for a CT scan.
4am I realise my bladder is bleeding heavily and I am passing large clots, I get back to the hospital for 6am.
The bleeding is pretty relentless, I have to wait for hours before the scan on the lung, there isnt anything they can do till then other than another blood test. I just have to keep peeing it out.
I have the scans, those who have had them will know how wierd they are, they type where the pump you full of high pressure dye first.
The Embolism luckliy is only small but needs sorting before it get worse. I ask the doctor to check for cancer on the chest scanm it was clear, so i'm not riddeled with it.
The immediate problem is treating the lung with thinners, whilst not causing increased bleeding in the bladder. I had lost a fair amount of blood already, if things worsen I may need a transfusion. To get rid of the clotting blood in the bladder they fitted a 3 way cathater, a big one this time, enough to removed the clotting. I was on a trolly as there were no beds, Emergency is a pretty hectic place, lots of high emotions and frightened people.
I had 20 hours on a saline flushing system which brought the bleeding under control, i got a bed. During this time my surgeon appeared, he had the results of the biospsies that had caused the bleeding, it wasnt cancer! I cant really describe how this felt. But it was one of those pivitol life moments for me. he explained what was wrong long term with the bladder, i wasnt really listening, I still dont know, it will take months to hopefully sort out, cameras, more biopsies, maybe small procedures. I didn't care, not about that, the bleeding or the Embolism which I suppose was, and still is, a threat to me. I still dont care. The gratitude I felt overided everything else. Life is truely sweet. I called my wife. We cryed.
The pipes were removed, I got massive jab of thinners and the bleeding started again, this time no flush, i was on my own, just had to drink lots of water and pee it out, they would keep an eye on it.
Next thing I know i am nil by mouth again, including water, they did this before in case they had to go into the bladder to stop the bleeding, i can no longer flush it out.
After a ultrasound i think a nurse decided I needed a stent as my bladder wasnt emptying properly, i protest, it is infinately better than it was 2 weeks ago - I can pee standing up! but nil by mouth it was. This could be bad, clotting again, more bladder pumping etc. Again I did not care. I was lying there on the ward going through my phone, and that is when I can across the Haiku thread on Avalon. I very nearly didnt press post.
Strangely a few hours after posting I awoke with a blue circular light above me, it only lasted a few seconds, but it was there, I was awake, it was real. It helped me.
Thank you.
The next day the stent thing and nil by mouth was a mistake, the doctors apologised, a few times. I started drinking again, there were no clots. By the end of the day I was back home with a list of things to look out for, a bag of pills and an observation day booked in for monday.
Anyway, is there a moral to this long winded story, other than taking a leaf out of my Sensei's book. Maybe its possitivity, remaining positive despite where you may find yourself.
That embolism allowed me to have my bladder issues fast tracked to a certain extent, I had further scans the day after the posting to ensure i was cancer free due to them wanting to use a certain thinner in combination with something to help with the bleeding. I am cancer free in all my major organs, i would not have known that. The bladder is now under prolonged observation, if cancer develops it will be caught early super - early.
The breathing exersizes i need to do to are exactly the exersizes i do in Zazen, that had slipped in my practice, that had bugged me. I havnt been as focused on my diet as i used to be, that bugged me too. Now i have a reason.
I now have a reason to live life how i know i should, but now with genuine gratitude. I am a workaholic, maybe that will change too, once I have shifted the pile of projects on my desk I am already committed too. I have a renewed appretiation for my loved ones, even those who were maybe a little problematic, I am closer to them now, inside myself the drifting space has been closed again.
The lambs outside my window look even more adorable than last year, and the hills that bit more beautiful.
I am not quite as wrapped up in all the negative **** of our seemingly spinning decline into whatever it is 'They' have planned for us.
I have reviewed my life.
I spread a lot of love in the hospital, I was with some old boys, some happier than others, we laughed and chatted, I sat by their beds. Made friends with the nurses, got snuck extra icecream, and pesonally thanked everyone I could. I quite enjoyed myself I guess (i dont get out much!).
Its early days, the blood stopped less than 48 hours ago.
I have months of recovery ahead of me, for the chest and bladder.
But bring it on. Bring anything on. All the tools are there to get through if you have a mind to use them.
And if suddenly its all over - who cares anyway, we all go home at the end of the day.
Besides we wouldnt have come here if it was going to be easy.
But life is sweet.
I will start with the Haiku
"Bladder bleeding - again
Lung clot thinners playing havoc
Life is sweet - it wasn't C
Been a tough week. But there is always a light when a shadow is cast. "
Around 25ish years ago I went and saw a medium, a good one. He told me that at around 50 (I am now not long turned 51) I would have 'cancer - or something' in my lower torso area, he said 'it will be ok, you will be ok and live a very long life' I remember it very clearly, you remember these things. I filed it away and got on with my life. At the time 50 was a long way off for me, i guess at the time i assumed maybe cancer would be a widely curable thing by the 2020s. It did also cross my mind that maybe he saw the cancer and told me it would be ok to make me feel better, when in fact it may not be. Although it has been in the back of my mind it isnt something that has worried me, until 12 weeks ago...
A few years later I found MY Sensei, I had been training for a couple of years I wasnt 100% happy with the current club I was at, but it had given me the martial arts bug. I had asked the universe to train with a real master (like you do, just in case someone is actually listening), a short time after that I met him. We study a combination of Karate, Aikido, Iaido and Zazen.
After some time, maybe a year or so, he told me that he had cured himself of cancer, Hodgkinsons Lymphoma, by using High Dose Vitamin C, Fasting and Meditation, He was part of a TV program in the 80s or 90s about cancer, of the patients studied, he and another man were the only 2 that didnt follow doctors treatments, and they, at that time, were the only 2 survivors. Around 10 years ago, possibly more, he informed us he had stage 4 cancer of the prostate, there was panic in the club, he seemed to be getting his house in order. He began treating himself once again. I started making him liposomal vitamin C after reading about it online. His diet became tailored for maximum vitamin C absorbtion. He was using meditation to increase oxygen content in the cells as well as creative healing visualisations of his anatomy. My Sensei is nearly 80, and still going, there are issues now, he is now on a course on cannabis oil in combination with his usual treatments and there have been a few tweaks to the dietry protocol, but he is still with us.
That has also been part of my training. I have faith, I have seen it with my own eyes, the power of self healing and having the strength to do your own thing despite the odds. It takes dedication, you cannot mess about, but it works.
Despite moving away 3 years ago into the remote hills (safer from potential zombies) I still train regually. My diet is good (although always room for improvement), I do a lot of hill walking, drink filtered water, drink very moderately, very rarely smoke socially, mediatate (not enough) and use visualisation. I had none of the vaccinations, confident I could rely on my immune system. For a man of my age (any age), I am in excellent condition.
Background information over.
9 months ago I get what i thought was a groin strain during Aikido practice, I also noticed a brused kidney (although put this down to being thrown around like a ragdoll), within days I had trouble urinating whilst always being desperate to go. Went to the medical centre to get checked out, they assumed a urinary tract infection and gave me some pills. My urine test came back with no bacterial growth but high white blood cell count. The pills seem to clear it up. Month or so later it returned, then the focus was on possible prostate issues (my father had non PSA prostate cancer at 50, which was treated), I had the tests, the dreaded finger, all came up clear. The doctors kind of dismissed me.
So i carried on as if nothing was wrong, despite getting out of bed up to 8 times a night to go to the toilet. I was testing my urine and always had unusually high white blood cell counts. But I got on with it. I had managed to get a referal a 9 month wait through the NHS.
Christmas came and it got worse, pretty soon I could no longer stand up to urinate, I had to put pressure on my bladder by doubling over and push for sometimes 5 minutes to pass a small amount. My sleep was destroyed, I work from home but my work was suffering.
3 weeks ago I went to see a private Urologist. I had ultrasounds and he told me my bladder wasnt emptying due to what he thaught was my pipes closing up due to scar tissue from infections I had as a very young man. He could go in there and stretch the pipe, job done. Superb.
12 days ago I was knocked out and operated on.
When i was in in the recovery room with a cathater fitted (which was a surprise). The surgeon came to see me and told me he had found something. My bladder wall was now more like a bowel it had thickend up so much, he thought there maybe something more sinister going on and had taken 16 biopsies. When i pressed him as to what he thought it, was he said CIS which is bladder cancer (damn that medium...), the biopsies were taken to confirm this and to see if it had spread into the muscle around the bladder. He said it may not be cancer, but it looked like it to him. He apologies.
I obviously cant say I was surprised. I felt ok, in control, until I had to tell my wife.
That was hard. This was it, life was about to change for sure.
We went home and started making plans. What should we do? How do I treat it (call Sensei) unless it was a quick fix Vitamin C, Cannabis Oil, Medicinal Mushrooms, Diet, Meditation, Visualisation was my plan.
Friday the tube and bag is removed.
Sunday night, my kidney is killing me, my chest is really hurting, I am having trouble laying in bed, something is wrong. You cant help it, but your mind goes to cancer - fast acting heeby-jeeby cancer.
After a call to the NHS I find myself in A&E.
Works out I have a Pulmonary Embolism, a blood clot on the lung from surgery which is not good news. I have xrays, blood tests and ECGs
I explained about the probable bladder cancer and operation I had. They gave me a fast acting blood thinner injection into my stomach and told me to go home and come back the next day for a CT scan.
4am I realise my bladder is bleeding heavily and I am passing large clots, I get back to the hospital for 6am.
The bleeding is pretty relentless, I have to wait for hours before the scan on the lung, there isnt anything they can do till then other than another blood test. I just have to keep peeing it out.
I have the scans, those who have had them will know how wierd they are, they type where the pump you full of high pressure dye first.
The Embolism luckliy is only small but needs sorting before it get worse. I ask the doctor to check for cancer on the chest scanm it was clear, so i'm not riddeled with it.
The immediate problem is treating the lung with thinners, whilst not causing increased bleeding in the bladder. I had lost a fair amount of blood already, if things worsen I may need a transfusion. To get rid of the clotting blood in the bladder they fitted a 3 way cathater, a big one this time, enough to removed the clotting. I was on a trolly as there were no beds, Emergency is a pretty hectic place, lots of high emotions and frightened people.
I had 20 hours on a saline flushing system which brought the bleeding under control, i got a bed. During this time my surgeon appeared, he had the results of the biospsies that had caused the bleeding, it wasnt cancer! I cant really describe how this felt. But it was one of those pivitol life moments for me. he explained what was wrong long term with the bladder, i wasnt really listening, I still dont know, it will take months to hopefully sort out, cameras, more biopsies, maybe small procedures. I didn't care, not about that, the bleeding or the Embolism which I suppose was, and still is, a threat to me. I still dont care. The gratitude I felt overided everything else. Life is truely sweet. I called my wife. We cryed.
The pipes were removed, I got massive jab of thinners and the bleeding started again, this time no flush, i was on my own, just had to drink lots of water and pee it out, they would keep an eye on it.
Next thing I know i am nil by mouth again, including water, they did this before in case they had to go into the bladder to stop the bleeding, i can no longer flush it out.
After a ultrasound i think a nurse decided I needed a stent as my bladder wasnt emptying properly, i protest, it is infinately better than it was 2 weeks ago - I can pee standing up! but nil by mouth it was. This could be bad, clotting again, more bladder pumping etc. Again I did not care. I was lying there on the ward going through my phone, and that is when I can across the Haiku thread on Avalon. I very nearly didnt press post.
Strangely a few hours after posting I awoke with a blue circular light above me, it only lasted a few seconds, but it was there, I was awake, it was real. It helped me.
Thank you.
The next day the stent thing and nil by mouth was a mistake, the doctors apologised, a few times. I started drinking again, there were no clots. By the end of the day I was back home with a list of things to look out for, a bag of pills and an observation day booked in for monday.
Anyway, is there a moral to this long winded story, other than taking a leaf out of my Sensei's book. Maybe its possitivity, remaining positive despite where you may find yourself.
That embolism allowed me to have my bladder issues fast tracked to a certain extent, I had further scans the day after the posting to ensure i was cancer free due to them wanting to use a certain thinner in combination with something to help with the bleeding. I am cancer free in all my major organs, i would not have known that. The bladder is now under prolonged observation, if cancer develops it will be caught early super - early.
The breathing exersizes i need to do to are exactly the exersizes i do in Zazen, that had slipped in my practice, that had bugged me. I havnt been as focused on my diet as i used to be, that bugged me too. Now i have a reason.
I now have a reason to live life how i know i should, but now with genuine gratitude. I am a workaholic, maybe that will change too, once I have shifted the pile of projects on my desk I am already committed too. I have a renewed appretiation for my loved ones, even those who were maybe a little problematic, I am closer to them now, inside myself the drifting space has been closed again.
The lambs outside my window look even more adorable than last year, and the hills that bit more beautiful.
I am not quite as wrapped up in all the negative **** of our seemingly spinning decline into whatever it is 'They' have planned for us.
I have reviewed my life.
I spread a lot of love in the hospital, I was with some old boys, some happier than others, we laughed and chatted, I sat by their beds. Made friends with the nurses, got snuck extra icecream, and pesonally thanked everyone I could. I quite enjoyed myself I guess (i dont get out much!).
Its early days, the blood stopped less than 48 hours ago.
I have months of recovery ahead of me, for the chest and bladder.
But bring it on. Bring anything on. All the tools are there to get through if you have a mind to use them.
And if suddenly its all over - who cares anyway, we all go home at the end of the day.
Besides we wouldnt have come here if it was going to be easy.
But life is sweet.