The death of a loved one

[Irminsül]

Happy Good Friday to all the Christians on the forum!
I hope you are spending this day in a beautiful way, remembering our Savior: Jesus of Nazareth, the Son of God.

I kindly ask the administrators to delete this thread. Although I received valuable and sublime support from several people, I would still prefer for this thread to be removed. This is due to very personal and deep reasons, and it has nothing to do with anything that was shared with me. I appreciate your understanding and wish you a wonderful day commemorating, together with your loved ones, the greatest prophet humanity has ever known: Jesus Christ, Hyperborean Prince and Son of ABBA.



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[Harmony]

Dear Irminsul, Thank you for sharing in such a beautiful way how you have been feeling and I think many on the forum can share those deepest feelings with you :heart:
If I can have the creators ear, I will ask, why can't we "know" the bigger picture to understand why we must be so vulnerable to this "physical" loss?


With my higher self, I feel this is an aspect only of our immortal self, and in the bigger picture another part of ourself is always with our loved ones and all beings and never separated. :heart:

[rgray222]

One way we endure and give meaning to life is to bear witness. Often, our own discomfort and pain can show people how to cope and get through such difficult times. I too, have lost someone, and I have yet to bring myself to make my pain public. I felt everything was right in the world as long as we were on the same planet. When the time is right, I will step forward. I admire you for speaking up and showing others the way.

[thepainterdoug]

Dear Irminsul / This is a heartbreaking story and such a hard reality of our fragile human existence . I thank you much for sharing, with this beautifully written letter and testimony of love and loss. I just lost my older brother Greg who I was blessed to have since early childhood. He was a mentor to me.
Oddly enough I had just listened to an NDE regarding suicide. Believe me she exists and is free and joyous. The hole is in us, and seems part of this life contract we all made.

Years ago I heard of a beautiful young high school girl who was bullied into suicide. She allowed herself to fall back on to the train tracks as the train approached, right in front of her classmates. I wrote this song in her honor and memory in the hopeful aspiration of leaving the young and fragile with some inspiration. I recently put a pic of my brother Greg (holding my son towards the end )in the video .
Perhaps it will offer you something
blessings
dougVgYF8_c5gNI

[Dilettante]

Irminsul, thank you for sharing. The grief will come in waves for many years, but it will soften over time. It never really leaves you. You are very brave for sharing a forthcoming opinion on how you feel, suicide is incredibly confusing for the people left in its wake.

I had a dear friend Matt commit suicide in high school. He had been struggling for years and so his parents sent him to a summer camp where everything was scheduled, to minimize alone time. He found the window of opportunity during a football game and hung himself in his closet. His parents didn’t understand him at all. I knew he was out there, but I did not know he was so troubled. In fact, it shocked me because we were the most similar within our friend group.

So, there were rumors around school when it started back in the fall that Matt was gone, but no one knew for sure. I got out the school directory and called his parents, got his mom on the phone. She told me what happened. I was the first of my friends to hear it directly. You cannot imagine hearing through the phone the grief of a mother who has just lost her child. She kept calling me “honey.” And so I had to pass the message along. It shook the whole school. One day, Matt was the kid that nobody seemed to care about and then everyone was wondering how it could get so bad. My school vice president called me in his office to talk about it, and he shared with me another thing that nobody had known about, that he had lost a son who only made it to be 5 years old. Again, unimaginable what a parent has to go through losing a child. What’s strange is that I knew my friends and I went to his funeral, but I barely remember it.

I had felt a responsibility to quash the rumors, to understand for sure what had happened to Matt, but then I quickly learned it was much bigger than that. I think I was there for a reason, to listen to his grieving mother. And I was there for my vice principal, to listen to him disclose what he did about his son that nobody had known about. I was depressed myself and had wildly impractical thought experiments of how I would kill myself, almost absurdly funny in retrospect. But this situation taught me that in a way I am here to digest the pain. To eat it. You don’t get many flowers for being there for people, just to listen. But it’s usually enough, just to listen.

Anyways, I’d like to share the death of my grandmother later, but this post is already quite long. To finish, suicide is very confusing to the people left in its wake. Did we do something wrong? Could it have been prevented?

I don’t know for sure, but I do know that Matt found an answer. It was his fourth attempt, so I try to give him some amount of respect for feeling that he had to do it. I am not saying we should not check in on and support the people that need help, I’m just saying that sometimes it’s still not enough for people looking for a way out.

[Irminsül]

Thank you, Harmony. Yes, it is one of the mysteries of this human experience why we have to go through such great suffering. I suppose it is because our species is still at a very low level of spiritual development.

Through various texts that I read (from spiritual teachers like Yogananda, from contactees, from clairvoyants like Parravicini, etc.), it seems that there comes a point when our souls no longer have to come to Earth, which is a very hard place to learn.

[Irminsül]

Thank you for your words, rgray222. I am very sorry for your loss and I hope you can process this pain in the best way possible. I have often thought and felt the same thing you are saying about “I felt everything was right in the world as long as we were on the same planet.” Before what happened to my sister, I always felt that there was a balance in my life. That despite some suffering and painful events, everything was always within a bearable and “fair” range. But now I feel that this balance has been broken. Although I still try to tell myself that there is a Creator and what happened does not escape his infinite wisdom.

[Irminsül]

Thank you so much for your message and words, Doug. I am so sorry for the loss of your dear brother.
Yes, even though some religions have taken it upon themselves to demonize suicide, it is clear that it is not how they present it. Obviously it is not ideal, because we come to this life with a purpose and it is not the idea that we try to escape from this experience. My sister from her place in Heaven, took care to show us in several extraordinary ways that she is fine. Which gives us peace in that sense. One sign was when my sister's best friend (who was visiting her hometown, 400 km from where we live) was spontaneously approached by a woman as she left a bakery. She told her that she had the gift of mediumship since she was a child and asked her if a girl she loved very much had recently passed away named "Eli" or something like that. My sister's name was Delicia and we called her "Deli." Which clearly shows that this woman really has a gift because there are around 15,000 women's names in the Spanish language. Then this woman gave us messages from my sister for my family.
Yes, I also believe that these facts, as hard as they may be, are part of what we agreed upon before incarnating.

Thank you for sharing the song, it is very beautiful and its message is very beautiful. Blessings to you too

[Irminsül]

Thank you so much for your words, Dilettante. I am so sorry for your dear friend Matt.
Yes, I suppose my pain will diminish with the passage of time. But unfortunately I know that part of that pain, due to the absence of someone we loved, remains with us forever.
When you feel it, you can share the story of your grandmother's departure, I will be here to read it.
It is absolutely true that just listening to someone in their pain and being there for that person is more than many believe. It really is a gesture of love and from the side of the person who is suffering it feels like a true balm for the soul. So I take this opportunity to thank all of you who took the time to read my life story and give me some feedback, it truly does me good.
And I also share that for some people nothing is enough. My sister was always loved, listened to, supported and cared for by all of us. She lacked nothing in her life (in the external sense I mean). She had friends, she had had nice boyfriend relationships and even in the material sense (own house, car) my parents had given her that too. She had been undergoing psychological and psychiatric therapy since she was 18, because at that time her internal problems began (she had endogenous depression). She also tried to meditate, do charity work, alternative therapies, read self-help books, etc. But in the end her desire to leave was stronger than everything. Evidently that was her destiny. I had a premonitory dream about her death 2 days before she took her life, so I think that this sign was also sent to me so that I knew that this was what was going to happen (the dream was really clear after what happened, otherwise I would have been much more alert as to how my sister was). That is why I am also enormously grateful to God, everything would be different if I had not had that dream.

[Delight]

Thank you Irminsül for sharing the deep love you feel and the empty space here for Delicita. It is hard to bear these losses. One of the outcomes has been to try to understand WHY?
IMO The only way to continue living when it seems all our dear persons have left us behind is to become philosophical, A warrior or an artist (or all three) and build our souls.

My griefs are mostly for the difference between what IS and what could be. Despite the fact that we have people of great wisdom, so many threads of knowledge, all the means ever needed to CARE for ALL, if EMPLOYED our societies and "the world" systems are run by death lovers IMO.

The point is seeming to be deliberately stupid, craven and mean and spread horror and misery.

[Ernie Nemeth]

Thank you Irminsul.

I needed that today.

For me, I have a gnawing constriction in the pit of my stomach that's crushing my soul.
I am surrounded by her memories and the loss is in my face every instant.

I dread the night - when the dark closes around me I feel very alone and too close to my raw emotions. I can't seem to escape them. The panic is suffocating.

I too have questions about God. It feels almost as if I've been betrayed.
That's when I have to pull back to see the bigger picture. It works, I understand.
But intellectualizing a true love lost does nothing palliative.
The pain remains excruciating.

I got through the first night. I want to scream at the fear of the nights still to come!

blessings and love

[thepainterdoug]

Ernie/ what a dreadful message. I feel for you. What has precipitated this if I may ask?

[Bill Ryan]

Ernie/ what a dreadful message. I feel for you. What has precipitated this if I may ask?Doug, taking the risk (the liberty) of answering your question on Ernie's behalf, he'd shared on The Support Thread (https://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?116989-The-Support-Thread&p=1659831&viewfull=1#post1659831), soon after midnight, that his beloved wife Valdi, who had been very ill for quite some time, had passed away in hospital.

:heart:

When someone's passing is unexpected, the news comes as a sudden hammer blow that leaves one reeling from the shock, struggling to understand, desperately wanting to disbelieve what one has just been told.

But when the loved one's passing is anticipated, or maybe even if one feels braced for the possibility and one has dwelt on the issue for quite a while, the event of the beloved person's consciousness and life force suddenly disappearing with no trace leaves a giant silence, a great hole in the universe that it is almost impossible to prepare for.

[Irminsül]

Thank you for your kind words, Delight. The name you chose is the translation of my sister's name in English!
Yes, I believe one way to move forward is to continue developing as individuals, in whatever nourishes us internally and gives us purpose.

I share your vision of humanity. We know that for some reason everything in our society is designed in a very perverse way. The system leads to selfishness, separation, and a whole series of traits that work against the spiritual development of the individual. I believe it won't be long before events occur on a planetary level, and after a major crisis, everything will change. I see this this way because of the messages received by the Argentine prophet Benjamin Solari Parravicini and other visionaries who have said similar things. We'll see what happens in the coming years.

[Irminsül]

You're welcome, Ernie, and thank you as well for sharing what you're going through. I hope you can cope with that immense pain and that your suffering starts to ease soon. As you probably already know, the first stages of a loss like this are very difficult—at times, unbearably horrible. But once that phase passes, things start to improve.

When the time feels right, I recommend reading a book by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. She was a doctor who dedicated her life to working with terminally ill patients and gained profound insights along the way. Taking Bach flowers can also help; the rescue remedy is for situations like this.

Blessings and love to you as well.


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[Delight]

I want to share what is important to me. I have lost most of the close people I used to depend upon. When you are without the dependancy, there is a facing of oneself. For some reason, after I became a very hermit like person. I do interact with people but I feel no clsoe bonds. Since I approach the loss philosophically and psychologically, I realize that This is a kind of freedom. I have no children or people to worry about.

It is weird, but I almost feel a bit invisible to the world. I am certainly curious about the meaning of why I should prefer this kind of life. Frankly, I am no longer interested in the drama. It is even frustrating to me to see people seeking satisfaction from something and people in the world. I do really care about people's welfare but I don't believe at all in the constructs of "normie" life and illness and heartbreaks.

Some might say I am avoidant now because of repeated loss. It would be great to find people who feel as I do, to just be helpful by sharing work and having fun. However, there is only everyone I do talk to who are expressing all kinds of drama and who still struggle with being a victim of something.

It actually triggers me that people cannot get over the mundane BS of looking outside for their energy. I realize that when I was married, I may have been a bit of an energy vampire as was his way of "getting energy". It seems so normal to spark a fight to get reaction, to plead being sick as attention, to feel envy, to feel obligated, to feel oppressed, to feel a NEED of that person.

I would not mind seeing people someday After but I REFUSE to ever come back here or to any hierarchal realm based on ideas of any mind. No heaven for me to meeet loved ones as it is described. I am detached enough now IMO to stand continuing a path just with God. If some "time" I am changed, I might have a different POV. So far, i am sticking with my POV.

Earth is a paradox start to finsih. Everything is poison AND Medicine at once. I have no idea what its purpose IS? The stories make no sense to me. The bleed across from other realms is complicated, convoluted and suspicious. WHY am I here? Perhaps it is punishment.

How can one deal with so much set against us? I see it that way. I have never felt this place is where anyone can ever be fully engaged. The Systems all work against this deep engagement in the material. Even the "Elite" must be miserable. This is a place where HONESTLY I feel GOOD about people's leaving. However, as my concern is that same machinations may be involved out of body, I am FOCUSED on ONE thing.

My relationship with the Primordial Creator is what i depend on.

I depend FULLY on God as I perceive the ineffable but personal force. I am FOCUSED on having my sacred space at all time where I receive from the Source. I feel very satisfied by my connection. It makes me stronger and I am happy alone WITH the Presence. I completely eskew seeking astral connections for information (which is a lure when we miss our beloveds).

If I were not so physically "alone", I'd not have developed this path. It seems sincere for me. My plan after death is staying in my spirit rope. I do NOT intend to go to "heavens" of any kind.

[Irminsül]

It's interesting how you approach life. Clearly, the experiences we go through leave a mark on all of us, and there's a reason why you've ended up living the kind of life you're telling us about.

In our "normal" human relationships, we are full of miseries. Even in the healthiest bonds, there are always unhealthy aspects. I think that's just part of being beings that are "flawed from the factory," so to speak.

Without a doubt, a solitary life brings peace. But there is also great richness in emotional connections, and it's clear that human beings are social by definition. We grow and nourish ourselves through the exchange we have with others (at least in a constructive situation). Of course, others can also harm us deeply, even to horrifying levels. And there we return to the eternal contradiction and duality of human nature. What you said is very true—everything is both poison and medicine at the same time.

I have no memories of past existences or whether I’ve been on other planets or dimensions where "life" is better than here on Earth. But from all the research I've been doing for years, I think this is quite a complicated and overwhelming place to be. In hundreds of cases of contactees, beings from the cosmos say that where they come from (whether it’s a physical place or another dimension), everything is incomparably better in every way.

Thousands and thousands of people who have had near-death experiences say the same thing about Heaven. The case of Dr. Eben Alexander is one of the most astonishing ones.

As for you not wanting to go to any "heaven," I respect your opinion and stance. But it seems that when we die, we all have to go somewhere, haha.

I’m sharing a psychography from the Argentine prophet I often mention, Parravicini. It relates to what we're talking about.


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Translation:
Man will fly through outer space, conquer sound, discover the stars, and realize that the world is an inferior planet and a place of punishment.
(Prophecy from 1937)

[HopSan]

Ernie, and others, in your dark moments,

Here something I experienced only some days ago:

Most of my late family have shown themselves to me, after death, in some months.

And now my wife showed herself having fun in her new environment.
I was only a secondary, or tertiary concern to her -- now.
Things are really well with her, now.

Unbelievable relief, changed much of my sad position!

[Irminsül]

Thank you, Bill, for participating and sharing your thoughts. What you say about losing someone is very true. It affects each person differently, whether their passing was expected or came as a surprise.

Given the stage of life you're in (having lived quite a few years), you have likely had to face the loss of several loved ones.
You must know very well what grief is and how to process the meaning of someone you love leaving this plane...

[Losus4]

The truth community has a strange attitude to death, on the one hand we're aware that we're souls inhabiting a temporary human form, and that our natural non-physical state is 100 times more harmonious than being incarnate. Many NDE'ers have said that dying was like "going home", but on the other, we still feel sad when someone dies, despite knowing they're quite safe and well. If the non-physical is as joyous as we're told, then we should be happy for those who depart Earth. To mourn the dead is the equivalent of prisoners mourning the release of one of the inmates. Billions of living things die every millisecond, so in the grand scheme of things death isn't really a big deal. What *is* tragic are deaths which are sudden and/or traumatic, or where life goals were left unfinished/uncompleted. But a natural death I'd sooner celebrate than mourn. It means a great task has been completed and that person is now enjoying some much needed R+R.

[wondering]

Thank you, Losus4, I agree with you completely. I have many friends who have left the earth plane, and sometimes I find myself envying them their release from our present reality, mixed though it is.

[UNEEKSTUF]

"Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am in a thousand winds that blow,

I am the softly falling snow.

I am the gentle showers of rain,

I am the fields of ripening grain.

I am in the morning hush,

I am in the graceful rush

Of beautiful birds in circling flight,

I am the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,

I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing,

I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave bereft

I am not there. I have not left."

- Mary Elizabeth Frye

[rgray222]

I posted this very short video on another thread but I think it might be appropriate here.

-0EKxKr-DLo

[arwen]

Dear Irminsül - I just want to give you a LARGE hug - and to anyone dealing with that grief right now too.

:grouphug:


Thank you for opening up and sharing this - it helps others who are also struggling with loss of a loved one or ones, to have a conversation like this. I can feel the depth of your being and you are amazing. :heart:

For me, it is the same dilemma - we KNOW this life is only temporary, we KNOW beings move on to the next stage of evolution, many of us (myself included) cannot wait to get out of here - but oh MAN - the pain of loss when the Love was so intense - it overrides all we know, and it just damn HURTS. Because the ONLY meaningful aspect of our time here, in my opinion, is our connections with others. We learn so much from relationships with others. And it can go bad, when abuse, or dependency enters. But that is not what we are talking about here.

Everyone processes it in their own way. But if there was real love, then there is excruciating pain when the loved one is lost. You can also see it in the animal realm - I have seen elephants, lionesses, all sorts of animals - grieve when their young die or are killed.

It seems to be a thing in this realm, part of the experience here that none of us here can avoid. It is very healthy to talk about it, and thank you for opening up the thread.

[Johnnycomelately]

* The death of a loved one *

The title of this thread hides a greater question, about what love is.

To me, love is a will to give, and no part of love expects a return. Return meaning a taking, like in getting one’s back scratched as a return favour or agreement, not to mean receiving selfless love in return.

Grief is a touchy subject. It seems that for many, it is the strongest emotion.

To me, grief at the passing of a loved one is nothing to be proud about. Even if you don’t believe in an afterlife, you are just feeling sorry for yourself. And If you do believe that your loved one is still essentially alive somewhere, why would you radiate the worst self-sorry feelings toward them?

From experience, I say, radiate the strongest love you ever had for them, as if they were beside you.

[Victoria]

Dearest Irminsul,

Thank you for sharing. You honor your sister and commemorate your admiration for her with this most beautifully touching and poignant tribute. 

Remembering and celebrating her extraordinary place in your life and the soul she is, while courageously sharing that universe with others and inviting those who miss their loved ones to do the same, is a selfless gesture that radiates encouragement and healing. 

You have an overstanding and tremendous sensitivity which helps those around you to find their way. Thank you for sharing it here, for wanting to help people and for trusting this community with the treasure of your (and her) spirit.

You have created a much needed avenue for others to express their feelings and remembrance which is a work of compassion and love. I think a part of your own legacy is spreading light out of sorrow and leading in transformation of the heart.
:heart: 

I feel for you and all you have endured by her loss, Irminsul.  When we love, we become part of the one we love and they become a part of us on so many unseen levels. Together, we create a new entity, more complete; a team and a purpose, with those we care for; family, parents, friends, the people closest to us.  The loss is great when they depart from the physical. 

The pain must teach us something, perhaps that each part, each one of us, is important to the whole. The wound is not just physical and certainly not selfish. There is a reason for humans to tend communally in nature; we look to one another for direction and reassurance, for sense when we cannot see any; for purpose outside of self.

I do not know what comes after, but I hope that we can all be reunited with those we safeguard and miss and that our hearts will be known to them. 
It is terrible to imagine losing someone so vital and young or the weight that your sister carried in this plane, but from within, I know she would feel truly cherished, enveloped in love and be so inspired by what you create in her memory; with the energy behind your feelings and the lessons you chose to share with us.

:flower:Thank you:flower: