I have trouble believing anything anymore especially after what I been through

[Thevortexpurple]

I have so much trouble. I feel like what I may have even either placed myself, or who I would call "her" has placed me through: Who, may for all I know, be simply another Scubbus, or what: I feel as if I have been through Torture myself based on the kinds of feelings and experiences that I have been having. I truly have.
I just want to move on with my life, and continue to progress, though I truly feel as if something is seriously stopping and preventing me from doing so.

There is only one person in this whole world, who I've been checking out. She didn't deserve what she was put through. I want to reach out to her, I can tell she is a targeted individual herself. However, I genuinely fear doing so. However: I want her to know, that someday, I do want to attempt to contact her, and I do believe that she is the one that I may really end up loving for real. Not, another one of "Her". I hope that you can understand this.

I've been in a really dark place for a while. I want to emerge on the brighter side of everything right now. It's been such a nightmare for me personally. I can't stand or handle it anymore. I want to be free. I know some sort of spiritual phenomenon has been seriously holding me back in my pursuit of freedom. However: I can't trust even any of you anymore. After all: I have serious concerns in my life that involve more then simply the Internet and the world wide web that I have to pertain to: Such as my own personal survival.

However: I will always keep you all in my heart if I do not stay on this web/internet, for long. May God have mercy on my soul, as well.

I can't help but continue to wander, ponder, and be in love with the idea of the Universe. I keep thinking about it all the time, and I want to stay that way. I want to keep thinking about the love I have for the Universe. It's been so awe inspiring to do so.

However: I feel also very much compelled in a negative way in such a way that:
Something has been seriously affecting me. I don't have any clue what that is exactly, however it feels very strange. As if something is messing with my headspace itself. I've felt like something is tearing at my head.
Maybe it's because of the Fish I have been eating. Because I kind of feel as if it is some sort of a hook that's been inside or scratching my head that I have been feeling. It's been very strange and odd of an experience.

[thepainterdoug]

you sound very depressed. we have all been there at one time or another, I would start listening to NDEs they can really help you re calibrate this strange reality we live and your place in it.
I will keep good thoughts for you .

[Harmony]

thevortexpurple, I don't understand exactly what you are saying, but as thepainterdoug has said above, you sound like you are in a place of feeling down right now. I will keep you also in my thoughts and prayers :heart:
Can you find within yourself, that place in your heart that recognises the compassion you have for this other lady in pain and offer that to yourself as well.


In times when I was feeling very low and the world seemed to be full of painful things that I couldn't fathom how to overcome, much bigger than myself, I would ask for help from the part that is larger than my "mortal body". Feel the pain that I was feeling and surrender to that and understand why your feeling that, and it is ok to feel that way.


Then I would use my Christian way, (other's might use the same energy with a different name) of comapassion, forgiveness, care, love and beginning again from anew, (a new perspective) to rise from where you are and all you have learaned and realised and go forward from that point with goodness in your heart and let life unfold with a presence in each moment. You can feel strong as though that new energy that surronds you can, "without force", transform your own space:shooting star:Stay with that when the lower feelings try and seep in. Gently move your energy to the transformed space. You might have your own way that has worked for you, your own connection to your whole self :sun:


Sending love your way :heart:

[shaberon]

It's understandable. Depression is a consequence of too many unpleasant experiences, about like getting a bruise.

Around here, we live in a thing that tramples the person and doesn't know how to take care of anyone.

It really is a Fascist crushing of the poor while telling you that's your problem.

It's very backwards and unhelpful, and has not led to any true development, just what might be called urban sprawl. If I had an answer for this, it would have been fixed years ago. I don't. Am only aware of a struggle with nothing to "outreach" to, except maybe sticks-and-carrots. No real way to make anything that is actually good. I think there may be tiny little exceptions here and there, but most of us will just be ground down for taxes until we croak.

[Thevortexpurple]

It might be more, then simply just depression at play, over here. However: It's true, that I felt very much down for a while, now. As in: I felt myself as being physically down. However: It was more then simply a mental feeling, of feeling down. I felt as if myself, emotionally, I was actually feeling physically down. As in: I felt that I could not get up, and move around my bed, for a while.

Edit: I thought about writing something in addition to this, however, I forgot quite what it was, exactly, that I was going to say or write.

[Thevortexpurple]

Addition. In addition:
I would not like to make this, or these posts, all about myself. I meant this in response to the fact that I had been interested in pursuing an investigation into matters of truth, which I feel has been derailed somehow. I don't know, quite how, or what has derailed me from my investigation, however, it is definitely quite significant.
Actually, I feel a lot better, right now, after simply opening the page. Before even reading this thread, I got this surge of a sense of joy in me. I don't understand how that came up, however, it must have come from somewhere. Perhaps, it's your positive thoughts, I believe, that made the most difference for me right now. I believe your thoughts are powerful, and can have an effect simply beyond what is seen.

[Thevortexpurple]

Could it be, that depression, and/or being depressed, could also impact, what we see: As far as something, such as the observer effect, or as in: Some sorts of phenomena, involving observation? Like: When we speak about, not only thoughts, but also the observer effect, influencing our reality.

[shaberon]

I felt myself as being physically down. However: It was more then simply a mental feeling, of feeling down. I felt as if myself, emotionally, I was actually feeling physically down. As in: I felt that I could not get up...



Yes, of course it is like that.

The main problem with the school of Psychology is that it arose without any connection between mind and body.

It's not very useful for us to pitch advice, because the thing that needs to be fixed is what you do, and then we must admit the main obstacle, why does our system of living not provide better opportunities for things to do.

It generally lacks beneficial structure.

Since people or society are habitually not physically living right, then, so to speak, there is only a path of falsehood. It's not possible to know better.

Once this paves you, you enter a condition that has been called:


Down a Well


You'll wind up feeling paralyzed and suffocated, everything goes dark and this is true darkness like a plunge to eternal slumber, like exchanging one's soul for a cold grave.

A human being ought to be uplifted and content in the opposite direction, which is what I would rather establish and promote, however everything I encounter could at best be said to be not really helping. That keeps me isolated.

How do we change what we experience?

It's out of control and rather dreadful.

To be True, something must be useful to the "Up" direction.

It's possible to design an environment that's like that and some people do it, but, for most of us, we will be flung to the hamster wheel of materialistic survival and run around in a bloody wreck. That which does not help is neither true nor useful.