Swimming in muddy waters

[Budaheart]

This isn´t meant to be a long thread, just a small personal reflection from someone new to this forum.

For someone coming from the outside, entering this field, there is a mixed sensation. On the one hand, the recognition of fellow brothers and sisters each one walking their path towards some sort of personal growth, understanding, awareness, even spiritual path, Awakening and the pursue of Ultimate freedom and Liberation.

On the other hand, the sensation of entering muddy waters with strange algae that we didn´t even knew existed let alone discover that they could be even threatening to you!

The choice of writing on a thread, of phrasing a particular point of view, when unaware of the internal and undercurrent dynamics of the forum make the new ones indeed unease…as you swim totally unaware of the previous material that has been going on before your arrival, alliances, structures created as a result of strong points of view etc…One indeed feels the pushes and the pulls strongly.

In the middle between brotherhood and hidden confrontation, I stand watching and feeling. I watch the dynamics and discover my blind spots, where I miss the nuances…and I also watch how by holding the center, my energy gets pushed here and there returning to its center after a while.

The challenge here, as I see it is…how to be yourself without being lost in others, how to feel, express, share, give of yourself without threatening others with your views or allowing others to threaten and affect you. It is not a small task, it seems very superficial but at the core of this reflection lies an important point as we create our reality, as we choose actively or passively by intent or consent.

Where you place yourself internally in the middle of this display of phenomena is essential. Choosing to be grounded in the core of your being, while allowing the manifestations to occur is crucial.

Just to make things clear, my intention being here is to share with love and respect for ALL. I stand alone and walk alone as I cherish independence and freedom of thought and action. I do so, in the spirit of Oneness that we all share in our hearts and thus, my “aloneness” isn´t in any way an act of separation or segregation but rather a respect for individuality inside Oneness.

I see Avalon as a reflection of a Heart and when the heart isn´t balanced with Wisdom, it gets totally polarised in duality giving birth to nightmares and mirages with strong and magnetic attraction pulling you out of your center, the balancing pointless point. Emotions get out of control, and the energy that could normally reach our higher centers activating wisdom, gets dispersed by the power of the raw energy of such emotions.

I will miss points, make mistakes, enter delicate waters without realizing I am doing so…so, please forgive me if I walk on someone´s little toe…

Thank you for the opportunity to learn!

Love
Barbara
:)

[crosby]

dear Budaheart, i feel your words immensely. it is difficult indeed to find one's footing here. as a new member myself, i'm often sitting in the background watching what goes on around me here at avalon. i participate where i can, and i am very careful not to interject my personal opinions to an extent where i find myself in the middle of negativity. i believe that we all have something to offer, even if it is just a small insight, so i am always grateful for even the smallest contribution from other members. i'm glad you posted this thread. it is indeed needed. love and happiness too you and your endeavors here at project avalon.
warmest regards, corson

[Budaheart]

Thank you Corson for sharing as well your feelings about it and your lovely care!
Love
Barbara

[greybeard]

Hi Barbera
your words are very loving and profound they are of the true essence of what Avalon has always stood for and stands for.

The lotus grows out of the mud though at the moment the water is some what muddied.
There has been a massive increase in members and it takes time to get to know people, its a two way street.

Because the core population got to know each other over several years the trust and respect was a given in Avalon, but earned, we agreed to disagree it was no big deal.
New people always joined and were made friends with it was a slow and measured growth
Now respect has to be earned again and cant be taken for granted thats ok.

For myself I have to choose my words more carefully not easy as I am dyslexic.

The mud will settle and we will have new fresh flowering

Chris
Namaste

[Budaheart]

I see the challenges are not only for the new members then...and the increase awareness of the power of speech and wording, is indeed a strong challenge for all of us if we wish to carry a gracious dance in our relationship with others in such a way as not to loose meaning but at the same time acknowledge where everyone is at in their life, understandings, experiences and development..not an easy task but if we are here, it must be that we are indeed able to make it for the highest good of all...

so, lets swim and dance!
love
B

[rgray222]

As long as you speak or write from the heart you have nothing to fear and you will never be ridiculed. If you speak from emotion or anger you will only fear yourself in the future.

It is good that you are here, never doubt yourself when you are expressing your "true" thoughts.

If your passion comes from your heart then you are safe, if your passion comes from your mind (ego) then you will struggle.

Richard

[Budaheart]

Richard thanks for your insights..."My" ego doesnt have problems making errors and mistakes...anything can be used as raw material for growth, so it is fine...
not fearing making mistakes increases greatly your chances to grow...proven fact to me!

Love
Barbara

[Ineffable Hitchhiker]

What a wonderful post, Budaheart.

Your reflections mirror my own and I am grateful that you have put it in words.
Thank you. ♥

This platform is an ocean of words. Some are in peaceful waters, others are thundering, crashing waves.
If the turbulence gets too much, there are places of tranquility in here one can "swim" to, where the water is crystal clear. :)

[Budaheart]

Ineffable I love the way you danced and flowed with what you wrote!
thank you!
Love
Barbara

[Swami]

I will miss points, make mistakes, enter delicate waters without realizing I am doing so…so, please forgive me if I walk on someone´s little toe…

Thank you for the opportunity to learn!

Love
Barbara
:)

Please walk on my toes....!

What kept me in wonder last couple of weeks is the way people react....

In my world it works like this;

Once I get triggered by someone or something someone wrote I have to go inside myself and find out what it is/was that triggered me. This trigger lies within me, in my brain (my programs), and not outside me.

So please, step on my toes now and then, it a learningproces and the toes could be the learningtriggers........

[dejavu]

Thank you for this post Budaheart I am with you in all you say and glad I'm not alone in such thoughts. ! I suppose I'm happy to swim in this particular muddy water because in comparison to most the muds pretty organic!! I found initial posts a stab in the dark and a bit of crossing my fingers that I'd picked it up correctly and was at least saying something that fits. In my moments of soul searching I have found a few senior members helpful by using PM's.

.

[Budaheart]

Dear Swami you are so right on the triggers and how they all come from within! The different emotions that get triggered when you enter a space shared by others, is in itself an amazing opportunity for growth...even if growth of skin on our little toes! heheh...

love
barbara

¤=[Post Update]=¤

Dejavu! I like your organic approach! heheh also...swimming in the water makes me feel we are accessing a dimension where we can learn more about the undercurrents that do trigger our responses...a very good place to be indeed...and as Chris said few messages ago, the lotus blossoms from the mud...so we are being organic here using this raw material as compost for growth...

thank you!
love
Barbara

[giovonni]

Thank you Barbara,
You post should be a required heads-up disclaimer (accept/ don't accept), for all those who join this forum http://www.famdentistry.co.uk/images/exclamanim.gif

[Budaheart]

Talking about Muddy Waters and learning from our mistakes, I have to confess something funny. I got to read by a recommendation from someone a book. I had no idea of the connections of the author with a famous sect, nor am I familiar with that group. I read the book and actually found it very interesting soon after to find that it had been labeled as a Hoax by the internet community

I had started writing something as a result of my reading and the conclusions I extracted from that book, and so, realizing it was considered a Hoax by people who seemed more informed than me about the author of the book and the information around the validity, caused in me a series of concerns to say the least.

I went into judgmental mode criticizing my lack of discernment and urging myself to be more aware next time not to fall into a hoax or possible hoax or total hoax. Whatever... I played hard blaming myself...

But then something in me said: hey, slow down a sec, what is exactly that you liked from this story? What is it that activated your creative juices to the point of wanting to write about it? What was it?...

The idea that we live in a prison planet, that we have forgotten who we are, that we need to remember and that stepping out of the prison like state requires work, inner work.

Is there anything wrong with that? Well no!...hoax, no hoax, the message for me is still valid...we extract our lessons from wherever...be it a fake material or not, reality shines through even through falseness...when you look at the essence, you find it everywhere and when the heart is in the right place, there is a possibility for learning from all avenues...finding gold in our mistakes, our failures our falls...

I allow myself to make mistakes, I give myself permission to fail.
Permission to be yourself!

Love
Barbara

[LeeEllisMusic]

Thank You or this thread, Barbara. It's good to see both old and new members being able to share their experiences with the new Avalon forum experience :)

I feel that your Heart and Soul Wisdom will be a Light to us all...

http://projectavalon.net/forum4/attachment.php?attachmentid=886&d=1273156231

[qbeac]

This isn´t meant to be a long thread, just a small personal reflection from someone new to this forum.

For someone coming from the outside, entering this field, there is a mixed sensation. On the one hand, the recognition of fellow brothers and sisters each one walking their path towards some sort of personal growth, understanding, awareness, even spiritual path, Awakening and the pursue of Ultimate freedom and Liberation.

On the other hand, the sensation of entering muddy waters with strange algae that we didn´t even knew existed let alone discover that they could be even threatening to you!........snip………

Love
Barbara
:)
Hi Budaheart (Barbara), in your post you are expressing a feeling you’ve had when coming to Avalon, as you say: “the sensation of entering muddy waters with strange algae…”

Well, you are not the only person who is having such feelings. In fact, there are many other people too, but many of them are keeping it for themselves and are not expressing it out loud in public, although they do talk about it privately.

So, that’s a reality, many people are having strange feelings in this forum lately (since the beginning of Januray-11 more or less), and there are different reasons that could explain that feeling, or that could be the cause of that feeling.

One of them (perhaps not the only one) is a hypothesis that many people are talking about, or speculating about: that this Avalon forum could have been infiltrated.

If you want to know more about it, you can take a look, for example, at what people are saying in the following two threads, one in the Project Camelot forum and the other one in this forum, here:

CHARLES AND THE ADVENT OF "V" ON THE PEOPLE
http://camelotforum.com/index.php?option=com_kunena&func=view&catid=37&id=20465&Itemid=147#20465

Poll: Is Charles Material correct or incorrect? Could that affect credibility Avalon forum?
http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?14683-Is-Charles-Material-correct-or-incorrect-Could-that-affect-credibility-Avalon-forum

[Lord Sidious]

Hello Barbara and welcome to Avalon.
Walk the path of truth and honesty and fear nothing.
This is a good place to be, with many good people and heaps of knowledge for us all to access.
Don't stress, take your time, this isn't a race, no one loses or wins on the basis of someone else's work.