jjl
20th March 2011, 04:23
To the people of Avalon. Those of you who participated know who you are. If I don't acknowledge you, it's only because I think the privacy of our friendship prevents it. As I've said, you know who you are.
I came to this Forum with Complex PTDS. A condition that occurs from prolonged abuse, like a POW, or A small child in hostile surroundings. I was abused in the usual ways until I was old enough to get away. This is why I "feel" Charles. PTSD gives it's sufferers a intuition for protection for our fragile psyches. It also leaves us Empathic, sometimes a little too empathic. Because I am already behind enemy lines with ptsd, taking on the pain of others isn't good for me to say the least.
I have used this forum to escape my painful and boring present life. I quarantined myself from humanity, since people in pain tend to gravitate toward me. I used to own a little "New Age" shop and was a tarot card reader. Some of my old clients try and reach me. I dont answer the phone because I have been too burnt out. I have kept up with a tiny side business. Hair clients that I have been taking care of since before I ran my store. These people are mostly shut-ins, and if I didn't take care of them, I would never see them again. After twenty years, these people are more peers than clients. I drive them to social events and celebrate holidays and special occasions with them. I even belong to one of thier "Writers group".
When I have a day that I cant push myself, they are flexible and understanding. But this only takes up about 3 hours a week. I see a shrink three times a week. All the rest of my time I have spent sequestered in my house, board, burnt out but still restless. I was working on a book but came to a point that I couldn't even do that anymore. It was a therapeutic process, and I was sorry that I even feared my muse.
Since I have been here, I've noticed a few changes. I believe I was the person that Charles healed. My name is Ellen and I have be physically recovering from a type of child hood arthritis just recently discovered. I am able to run for the first time in twenty years. I have started my book again. I have healed a relationship with my mother. I owe much of it to Avalon.
Bill, you have showed me how to remain gracious through your annoyance. You have never been anything but polite when you answer my PMs. Someday when I am well, I will try and emulate you with more success than I have right at the moment.
V, you have taught me how and where to look for clues. You have shown me how to tap deeper into my own gifts that were given to console me for my losses.
Ruby, you have been a playful friend and a shoulder to cry on.
Ulli, you are my staunch defender and wise council.
B, you have offered me unconditional love and have urged my bravery.
And last but not least, Ice cold, thank you for restoring my nights sleep...jj
I came to this Forum with Complex PTDS. A condition that occurs from prolonged abuse, like a POW, or A small child in hostile surroundings. I was abused in the usual ways until I was old enough to get away. This is why I "feel" Charles. PTSD gives it's sufferers a intuition for protection for our fragile psyches. It also leaves us Empathic, sometimes a little too empathic. Because I am already behind enemy lines with ptsd, taking on the pain of others isn't good for me to say the least.
I have used this forum to escape my painful and boring present life. I quarantined myself from humanity, since people in pain tend to gravitate toward me. I used to own a little "New Age" shop and was a tarot card reader. Some of my old clients try and reach me. I dont answer the phone because I have been too burnt out. I have kept up with a tiny side business. Hair clients that I have been taking care of since before I ran my store. These people are mostly shut-ins, and if I didn't take care of them, I would never see them again. After twenty years, these people are more peers than clients. I drive them to social events and celebrate holidays and special occasions with them. I even belong to one of thier "Writers group".
When I have a day that I cant push myself, they are flexible and understanding. But this only takes up about 3 hours a week. I see a shrink three times a week. All the rest of my time I have spent sequestered in my house, board, burnt out but still restless. I was working on a book but came to a point that I couldn't even do that anymore. It was a therapeutic process, and I was sorry that I even feared my muse.
Since I have been here, I've noticed a few changes. I believe I was the person that Charles healed. My name is Ellen and I have be physically recovering from a type of child hood arthritis just recently discovered. I am able to run for the first time in twenty years. I have started my book again. I have healed a relationship with my mother. I owe much of it to Avalon.
Bill, you have showed me how to remain gracious through your annoyance. You have never been anything but polite when you answer my PMs. Someday when I am well, I will try and emulate you with more success than I have right at the moment.
V, you have taught me how and where to look for clues. You have shown me how to tap deeper into my own gifts that were given to console me for my losses.
Ruby, you have been a playful friend and a shoulder to cry on.
Ulli, you are my staunch defender and wise council.
B, you have offered me unconditional love and have urged my bravery.
And last but not least, Ice cold, thank you for restoring my nights sleep...jj