Self-Consciousness - The Bad Kind

[Moemers]

So I guess what I wanna ask is what are the ways you guys eliminate self-consciousness (the bad kind, the kind that makes you question everything about yourself and constantly compare yourself to others.)

I thought I was pretty over it, but I've been hanging out with some people lately and for whatever reason I really start to over-analyze myself and compare myself to them and it's been pretty crappy.

Now is the time we're really supposed to be looking at ourselves and dealing with the **** and baggage we came here to deal with - I guess I could just use some advice - and maybe anyone else out there who's feeling down can get a jump from this too!

[sepia]

So I guess what I wanna ask is what are the ways you guys eliminate self-consciousness (the bad kind, the kind that makes you question everything about yourself and constantly compare yourself to others.)

I thought I was pretty over it, but I've been hanging out with some people lately and for whatever reason I really start to over-analyze myself and compare myself to them and it's been pretty crappy.

Now is the time we're really supposed to be looking at ourselves and dealing with the **** and baggage we came here to deal with - I guess I could just use some advice - and maybe anyone else out there who's feeling down can get a jump from this too!

Oh, these are very painful times...

We have to become our best friends - in a non-narcissistic manner - and no longer pull our own carpet away.

Could I inspire you with my little seminar?

Maybe you read about the second Chakra to find out if you like it:

http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?17056-Enlightenment-Practical-steps&p=191340&viewfull=1#post191340

Best wishes, Sepia

[greybeard]

Hi Moemers
What you are speaking of tends to come from lack of confidence in self and feeling of insecurity
Each night before you go to sleep run through the day and find all that was good.
Any kindness shown to you or given by you, just a smile, anything it does not have to be a major event.
Train your mind to disregard anything not so good.
Bit by bit your view of the world and yourself will change.

Feel good about you--- your worth it.

Read "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle that will lift your view of your self.

Good self esteem is very healthy.
People who use Bravado, attention seeking telling the world how great they are, actually are coming from lack of confidence.
Just be your self so to speak.

Regards Chris

[Teakai]

Be your own best friend.

Don't compare yourself with others and don't compare others with others, and don't compare others with yourself.

Acceptance is the word that springs to mind.

:)

[Roseheart]

This process helps me.
It is quick and easy. Tell yourself this before you start.
Sit or stand still and take a few deep breaths.
Let your thoughts quieten down to nothing.
Drop down into your heart and belly and just feel what is there - don't comment or name it, just be in it. Feel all aspects of it including where it resides physically.
You may get some insight here as to what it is or you may not.
You can ask what age the Moemers is who is experiencing this. The inner child in us is often active when we are in an emotional or confused state and our child can offer us really interesting insights about why we react the way we do to stuff. Only 2 days ago my 4 yr old self offered me a massive teaching and great joy within this process. Your inner child does not lie.
When you feel it's time to do so, let the feeling flow down through your body and out of your feet into the earth. Let it go.
You may get some insight now as to what it is or you may not. Either way it's ok.

Our monkey mind wants to name and create a story about EVERYTHING... There is no end to its creativity in this regard.
Our emotions, when allowed to flow can really be experienced very quickly and easily - the challenge is to just let them be what they are, FEEL them and let them go.
It's the getting stuck in the 'story' that causes the anguish (and illness if it's chronic) that takes us away from the present moment, not the emotion itself.

I find the breathing and allowing the emotion brings the spaciousness for me to hear the truth of the matter. The voices of the higher self and the inner child are often not the loudest when the monkey is carrying on!

When I drop the crap and just sit with how I feel things can change VERY quickly and I feel much better.

I so get what you're talking about.
You're around this group of people for a reason and if you ask you'll get the answer as to why.

Hope this helps.

[Gardener]

Greybeard post #3...>People who use Bravado, attention seeking telling the world how great they are, actually are coming from lack of confidence.

This is soooooo true Greybeard they are also the last to realise it, so it is very difficult for them to receive help. They are unable to recognise that they are this way.

Moemers, there is also the locus of control thing, where some people attribute the cause of their angst/problems/mistakes/....fill in the blanks, to anything and everything 'outside' of themselves, rather than it being their 'fault' or internal to them. Whilst others will blame themselves for everything. Most of us are somewhere on the continum between a bit of both (balanced) can see when they were at fault, or when others contributed.

The interesting part of this idea is that those at the blaming self end of the scale can be helped into a balanced position whereas those who attribute cause to external events cannot be helped and rarely seek help, see they are not the one in the 'wrong' therefore don't need help, and can't be 'improved'. This is a common behaviour in narcissism and one of the markers.

Clearly you are not a member of this end of the scale moemers, maybe you are temprarily sliding towards the other end by seeing and comparing, and possibly some in your circle are helping you along this route by a kind of covert agression disguised as concern?? eg "You are looking a little pale lately, are you ok, I am worried about you" This example is a bit silly but it gives the general idea.

A good barometer about others you are in contact with is how you consistently feel after you have been in their company. There are many psychic and energetic vampires from whom you come away feeling tired drained or WTF just happened? What you are describing may fall into this category, and may not be a part of your core beingness, follow your feelings on this, take power back by making your own decisions and if necessary walk quietly away.

We are seldon as bad or as good as we think we are lol

Strength to you Moemers
g
(who often takes a trip down that road if not careful)

PS. I can recomend a book on the above subject, 'Unholy Hungers' Encountering the Psychic Vampire in Ourselves & Others by Barbara E Hort (Phd and Jungian Counsellor)

PPs. Be prepared for being a little hot under the collar maybe, when I first read this book I could see myself too.:o

[Bill Ryan]

--------

One of my favorite quotes (from motivational speaker Jim Rohn):





Self-congratulation is a sign of maturity.
Seeking congratulation is a sign of immaturity.

And my favorite children's fable is that of the ugly duckling. There are many very beautiful swans on this planet who get laughed at by the ducks, especially when they're young. Ducks can be pretty cruel.

All you swans! You know who you are. :)

Here's Danny Kaye in 1952 - one of the most gifted entertainers that have ever lived. He had a heart of gold, was incredibly funny, improvised all the time, had a great voice, and was forever wonderful with kids on and off camera.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMKxnYRhk6I

[Meesh]

Our negative thoughts ("cognitive distortions" in psychology speak) can make us prone to low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety. This is an excellent self help book for working on negative thought patterns. This approach works well for many people.

Feeling Good the New Mood Therapy by David Burns
http://www.feelinggood.com/books.htm

[witchy1]

Aw, that was lovely

[witchy1]

Oh Moemers, there is ONLY one you.

When you compare yourself to others and think that you are not as good, wealthy, strong, etc as them - you are telling yourself that you are lacking something - and you are not. Things happen to us at stages of our lives for a reason, for them as well. Why are you in their lives now? Think on this a bit.

Why compare yourself to others, do you want to be them? I dont really think so (we all have flaws, you just may not have seen theirs yet) What characteristics do they prefer in a person - perhaps they see it in you? Imagine if we were all the same - that called mindless robots...... not very conducive to our evolution.

Be comfortable with who you are - You are unique special and gifted. You do not need confirmation from anyone to know this. Enjoy being you - its very special

[Lifesong]

Thank you, Moemers - I have felt much the same lately. I'm going through a lot of changes in my life, which has necessarily required me to focus on myself, recognizing and evaluating both the positive and the negative. This is not always a simple process, I think.

I've found I move with much more ease and confidence through the world when I'm focused less on myself. I think, for me, its less a feeling that others are comparatively 'better', just that perhaps they are 'further along' or already on the other side of the changes I'm going through now. To strive for transparency is one thing...to actually live transparently, quite another. :)

My hope is that as I am able to progress through this transitional stage and again become more useful in the world, my focus will readjust off of myself so much and a more even flow and rhythm to my life and relationships will take shape.

Again, I just don't have the words to thank all of you for your kindness and generosity in extending your hands out and offering such understanding, knowledge, and loving support.

- Namaste

[BMJ]

Hi Moemers,
My personal recipe:
If people make you feel depressed, self-consciousness don't associate with them at all. This is as good as panadol for a head ache - fast relief.

If the people are critical, evaluate the comment objective to see if it has merit. If it doesn't hit delete and be weiry of these people. They may have motives for what they say or do.

Do not allow what people say about you define who you are i.e. pigeon hole you. Allow yourself to be who you are do not change the good points of yourself to please others. If they accept you great if they don't well maybe they should move on.

Remember comments are truely just words they cannot hurt you. Unless you allow those words to have value. Does the person making the comment really mean anything to you, if not then what they say about you is meaningless.

[Peace of Mind]

Everyone is special in their own way. The world would be pretty boring if we all act and look the same. Recognize your own awesomeness and life will show you its beauty. It's there....you just have to be willing to trust that you are not here to take up space.....we can build statues for that. :)

Peace

[Moemers]

Thank you all.

It gets kind of dark out there sometimes, and it sure is nice to know there's a place I can come with questions like this and get real, positive, guiding answers.

Still have a lot of exploring and thinking to do, but this has certainly helped. Thank you again!