Flasky
19th April 2011, 17:14
Hello everyone, I was wondering if you could and would like to share your thoughts on the following...
(P.s. at this point I seriously did not know how this was going to go...please bare with me)
It is not uncommon of me to have dreams, remember them so vividly, so intensely that it feels real on skin. So much so that when I say "I had the weirdest dream last night..!" my family and friends groan because they know, they are in for a long one.
Lucid dreaming you may call it. I remember so much of it, I dream in colour and most of the times I am aware in the dream that I am dreaming. I have not mastered, or so far, the act of taking control of the dream once I realized I was dreaming...Yet, I dream and I dream a lot, most every night.
With time, I have realized that some dreams were indeed 'prophetic' in nature. I would go on in day to day life and then, "Oh hold on, I've seen this before..I've heard this before - dejavu?(sp?)" No, I had 'dreamed' it before.
It did take me a while to catch on. While situations may have mirrored my dreams it was never a mirror image exact. Just this "I have seen before - where have I seen this before?" nagging that would not let go of me.
I don't write my dreams down...I should do it. And to be honest the only real 'prophetic' one I can remember was dreaming about my mother's sister getting a divorce from her husband. I was nine when it happened. I was a happy child, too busy been a child and playing to be aware of anything - grown up wise, I didn't know if my aunt was having problems.
So like any morning, I energetically tumbled down the stairs to narrate the next dream, fresh in my mind, to my mother. I remember my mother halting in her actions, looking at me a bit perplexed then, as if catching herself, went back to the mechanics of sipping her coffee.
"And what makes you think that, my dear?"
I didn't think any of that. Of the sudden block my mother had experienced at my blunt statement. I was too busy streaming the dream back in my head. And even if the dream itself had not been a pleasant one, I remember been almost skittish with the need to tell my mom the details.
Four years later my aunty went through a very ugly divorce....And in my later teens, when I was finally allowed to know all the details about how the why's of it all - I looked mom in the eyes and I knew. I remembered telling her. That I had dreamed it. And somehow, the news of them splitting (I had loved them dearly) came to me with an easy acceptance - cause I had 'seen' this before. I 'knew' it was 'supposed' to happen.
And while many of you, just like my mother did at the time, may choose to see it as a silly coincidence da ri da... I want to choose to believe...that we live in a magical world. And we are all capable of fantastical magical things....if we only allow ourselves to do so.
I think I committed to that when I was 14.
These dreams - haven't happened often. I guess most pass me by without me knowing, thanks also to the bustle and rustle of life.
Then there are the wacky, random dreams. The ones that make you feel like you went on a cool action thriller ride, or starred in the ugliest horror. Or just day to day situation explored in unusual circumstances.
And I am sure. All of us have these dreams. But I wondered, what are they? Do they mean anything? Yes, I do own a dictionary of dreams, a page turner with me...but can a 'book' tell you what your subconscious is really telling you?
At first I thought it was just fun, you know? Like the horoscope in teenage mags, you don't really believe in it but WHAT THE HELL! You just give it a go and see whats chilling up in the stars for you.
But now book aside, is it a teaching for the mind to determine? Why are dreams so real, so plausible and some so unrealistic yet so FULL of paradoxes, metaphors, riddles of all kinds....Why are the emotions so real, so 'mine' when I wake up with them?
No matter the nature of any dream, to big and small, dull to mind blowing - is there a message/lesson hidden in every one of them?
Well then. 'Someone', if not just my head, thinks I got A LOT to learn!
Ok. So this is when it all turns very weird...
A couple of weeks ago I was experiencing a weird pattern of sleep. When a dream would get to the climax of a something, my eyes would pop open and I'd find myself looking around my room. Or even during a part of a 'normal' passage of a dream when something not too relevant was going on, I would just open my eyes - suddenly awake. And look.
I am not sure how much 'awake' I really was. Strangely enough, I don't remember all of my dreams on these occasions but the feeling of when I was 'awake'. I felt like I was pressed down on my bed, just like sensation of when you feel your body sinking in the mattress when your falling asleep. And warmth, especially on my face. I felt like I was going bright red, or a sudden fever. And I couldn't stop 'looking'.
At what? The familiar darkness of my room of course. And - always - before I could even start contemplating, 'Why can't I move - oh my face is really hot what the..', my eyes would just close and then - sleep.
It went on following this pattern for a while.
Before I go on (good lord, if you are even still with me here!) I'd like to point out that this has NEVER happened to me before. NEVER.
Then. This one night. ...
Whatever I was dreaming (I can't remember what! Frustrating!) it was the crescendo of my wild beating heart that slowly (if even my heart felt it was going miles per hour) urged and urged for me to open my eyes. The crescendo rose slowly, as if I was steadily becoming aware of it until it bounced so harshly back and forwards in my ribcage it was practically 'screaming' at me to "WAKE UP ALREADY!!!"
The sudden alarm gripped me so tightly and viciously - I felt suffocated almost. Overwhelmed by it, I stalled in "WAKE UP!!!! WAKE UP NOW!!!!" then the heat came again. It spread all over my body this time. It was so uncomfortable, I couldn't bare it!
"WAKE UP!!!!" I am trying..! I remember this thought, followed by the sudden shaking of my body - but I couldn't determined if was me, or for the way my heart was pounding. It felt like every inch of me was pleading for me to open my darn eyes.
And although I went trough a struggle, when I did finally manage to open my eyes - they flew open so quickly that when I did it took me a while to register what I was looking at.
Because this time, I wasn't looking at the familiar darkness of my room.
In the same instant I was suddenly engulfed by fear, shock, astonishment, awe - with the underlined realization that I was that petrified I couldn't suck in air.
It was the most fantastical show of lights I had ever seen. In corner of were my bay-window meets the corner were my wardrobe is - was purples, blues and white layers of the faintest organza like material I had ever seen - floating and meshing together, eating away at the particles of that physical barrier...Like blue, purple flames skimming the surface, trying to hide what was in it or behind it...
That, I do not know what it was. The 'portal' the 'veils' closed up together, eating away at themselves on top of my window before it 'went out'.
I was left in sudden pitch black darkness with even more panic pushing down around my throat.
And for reasons I can't explain (I knew by now I was totally awake) I find a way to curl in a tight ball, my back to the window, closing my eyes, thinking: "Please no, not now, not yet, I am not ready. No I don't want to. Please don't. I am not ready. I am not ready. Not now. Leave me alone. Please leave me alone. Not yet."
The mantra went on. I cannot explain this. It felt so instinctual, all of my actions I could almost not contain them at all!
And to be even MORE bizarre I felt a like a 'presence' was looming just behind me.
Then suddenly air entered my lungs and I started to sob and gasp - suddenly conscious I was moving way too much and I forced my self still - yet my heart kept pounding along. Unstoppable.
As I trained my body to calm down, my heart's ruckus my only companion, I THEN realized the 'presence' had gone.
And again, before I could process what was happening I was suddenly bolting around ready to meet WHATEVER had been behind me face on, ready to scream in it's 'face'..!
There was nothing there. Just, the familiar darkness of my room once more.
I lay in my bed, heart hammering on. My mind realign on everything that had happened. Then somehow, I must have passed out because I found myself opening my eyes and it was morning.
...I am shaking as I write this.
Usually I'm a ball of energy, tripping out of my sheets to go narrate my latest tale - but this. I have kept to myself.
Ever since that night..while awake, whenever I am doing anything - even this! Writing this to you guys!!! - at the corner of my eyes I see flashes of light. I know how all of this sounds! I know - i just had to tell someone...What is happening to me?
I see a light. Like its there twinkling at me to look so I do, and when I do *POP!*, its gone! Not only that - shadows. Like a gust of smoke at the corner of my eyes. Very quick, very composed, almost like a solid mass. I turn, and its gone.
The light pops have been the most frequent. The shadow ones have been a couple at least.
What is going on? I just...I needed to get this all out because, its scaring me to be honest. The sensation wasn't exactly nice when I went through it so...I don't even know if this means its some sort of negative thing/being even.
I have no clue as to why my body or mind reacted the way they did. It did it before I could 'think' it, if it makes any sense.
And I wanted to tell you guys about how I dream because this well, happened while I was sleeping and theoretically, 'dreaming'.
Guys, was I dreaming with my eyes wide open?
Have you had a similar experience if not the same?
I feel like...something important could have have happened but I am missing a link. I don't understand it. And the pops of light and shadows. Gods, they are assaulting me. They make me look all the time! And its not even a matter of "What do they want you to look at?" its just random spots...on the wall, the grass, the side of my computer, the far side of my bed....
Please, someone...If you managed to read all of this. I really need someone's thoughts.
I apologize if this is just all so weird or if I haven't explained myself at all...it is now 3 AM where I am...I guess I just finally cracked it and decided to come forward with this...
thanks...
(P.s. at this point I seriously did not know how this was going to go...please bare with me)
It is not uncommon of me to have dreams, remember them so vividly, so intensely that it feels real on skin. So much so that when I say "I had the weirdest dream last night..!" my family and friends groan because they know, they are in for a long one.
Lucid dreaming you may call it. I remember so much of it, I dream in colour and most of the times I am aware in the dream that I am dreaming. I have not mastered, or so far, the act of taking control of the dream once I realized I was dreaming...Yet, I dream and I dream a lot, most every night.
With time, I have realized that some dreams were indeed 'prophetic' in nature. I would go on in day to day life and then, "Oh hold on, I've seen this before..I've heard this before - dejavu?(sp?)" No, I had 'dreamed' it before.
It did take me a while to catch on. While situations may have mirrored my dreams it was never a mirror image exact. Just this "I have seen before - where have I seen this before?" nagging that would not let go of me.
I don't write my dreams down...I should do it. And to be honest the only real 'prophetic' one I can remember was dreaming about my mother's sister getting a divorce from her husband. I was nine when it happened. I was a happy child, too busy been a child and playing to be aware of anything - grown up wise, I didn't know if my aunt was having problems.
So like any morning, I energetically tumbled down the stairs to narrate the next dream, fresh in my mind, to my mother. I remember my mother halting in her actions, looking at me a bit perplexed then, as if catching herself, went back to the mechanics of sipping her coffee.
"And what makes you think that, my dear?"
I didn't think any of that. Of the sudden block my mother had experienced at my blunt statement. I was too busy streaming the dream back in my head. And even if the dream itself had not been a pleasant one, I remember been almost skittish with the need to tell my mom the details.
Four years later my aunty went through a very ugly divorce....And in my later teens, when I was finally allowed to know all the details about how the why's of it all - I looked mom in the eyes and I knew. I remembered telling her. That I had dreamed it. And somehow, the news of them splitting (I had loved them dearly) came to me with an easy acceptance - cause I had 'seen' this before. I 'knew' it was 'supposed' to happen.
And while many of you, just like my mother did at the time, may choose to see it as a silly coincidence da ri da... I want to choose to believe...that we live in a magical world. And we are all capable of fantastical magical things....if we only allow ourselves to do so.
I think I committed to that when I was 14.
These dreams - haven't happened often. I guess most pass me by without me knowing, thanks also to the bustle and rustle of life.
Then there are the wacky, random dreams. The ones that make you feel like you went on a cool action thriller ride, or starred in the ugliest horror. Or just day to day situation explored in unusual circumstances.
And I am sure. All of us have these dreams. But I wondered, what are they? Do they mean anything? Yes, I do own a dictionary of dreams, a page turner with me...but can a 'book' tell you what your subconscious is really telling you?
At first I thought it was just fun, you know? Like the horoscope in teenage mags, you don't really believe in it but WHAT THE HELL! You just give it a go and see whats chilling up in the stars for you.
But now book aside, is it a teaching for the mind to determine? Why are dreams so real, so plausible and some so unrealistic yet so FULL of paradoxes, metaphors, riddles of all kinds....Why are the emotions so real, so 'mine' when I wake up with them?
No matter the nature of any dream, to big and small, dull to mind blowing - is there a message/lesson hidden in every one of them?
Well then. 'Someone', if not just my head, thinks I got A LOT to learn!
Ok. So this is when it all turns very weird...
A couple of weeks ago I was experiencing a weird pattern of sleep. When a dream would get to the climax of a something, my eyes would pop open and I'd find myself looking around my room. Or even during a part of a 'normal' passage of a dream when something not too relevant was going on, I would just open my eyes - suddenly awake. And look.
I am not sure how much 'awake' I really was. Strangely enough, I don't remember all of my dreams on these occasions but the feeling of when I was 'awake'. I felt like I was pressed down on my bed, just like sensation of when you feel your body sinking in the mattress when your falling asleep. And warmth, especially on my face. I felt like I was going bright red, or a sudden fever. And I couldn't stop 'looking'.
At what? The familiar darkness of my room of course. And - always - before I could even start contemplating, 'Why can't I move - oh my face is really hot what the..', my eyes would just close and then - sleep.
It went on following this pattern for a while.
Before I go on (good lord, if you are even still with me here!) I'd like to point out that this has NEVER happened to me before. NEVER.
Then. This one night. ...
Whatever I was dreaming (I can't remember what! Frustrating!) it was the crescendo of my wild beating heart that slowly (if even my heart felt it was going miles per hour) urged and urged for me to open my eyes. The crescendo rose slowly, as if I was steadily becoming aware of it until it bounced so harshly back and forwards in my ribcage it was practically 'screaming' at me to "WAKE UP ALREADY!!!"
The sudden alarm gripped me so tightly and viciously - I felt suffocated almost. Overwhelmed by it, I stalled in "WAKE UP!!!! WAKE UP NOW!!!!" then the heat came again. It spread all over my body this time. It was so uncomfortable, I couldn't bare it!
"WAKE UP!!!!" I am trying..! I remember this thought, followed by the sudden shaking of my body - but I couldn't determined if was me, or for the way my heart was pounding. It felt like every inch of me was pleading for me to open my darn eyes.
And although I went trough a struggle, when I did finally manage to open my eyes - they flew open so quickly that when I did it took me a while to register what I was looking at.
Because this time, I wasn't looking at the familiar darkness of my room.
In the same instant I was suddenly engulfed by fear, shock, astonishment, awe - with the underlined realization that I was that petrified I couldn't suck in air.
It was the most fantastical show of lights I had ever seen. In corner of were my bay-window meets the corner were my wardrobe is - was purples, blues and white layers of the faintest organza like material I had ever seen - floating and meshing together, eating away at the particles of that physical barrier...Like blue, purple flames skimming the surface, trying to hide what was in it or behind it...
That, I do not know what it was. The 'portal' the 'veils' closed up together, eating away at themselves on top of my window before it 'went out'.
I was left in sudden pitch black darkness with even more panic pushing down around my throat.
And for reasons I can't explain (I knew by now I was totally awake) I find a way to curl in a tight ball, my back to the window, closing my eyes, thinking: "Please no, not now, not yet, I am not ready. No I don't want to. Please don't. I am not ready. I am not ready. Not now. Leave me alone. Please leave me alone. Not yet."
The mantra went on. I cannot explain this. It felt so instinctual, all of my actions I could almost not contain them at all!
And to be even MORE bizarre I felt a like a 'presence' was looming just behind me.
Then suddenly air entered my lungs and I started to sob and gasp - suddenly conscious I was moving way too much and I forced my self still - yet my heart kept pounding along. Unstoppable.
As I trained my body to calm down, my heart's ruckus my only companion, I THEN realized the 'presence' had gone.
And again, before I could process what was happening I was suddenly bolting around ready to meet WHATEVER had been behind me face on, ready to scream in it's 'face'..!
There was nothing there. Just, the familiar darkness of my room once more.
I lay in my bed, heart hammering on. My mind realign on everything that had happened. Then somehow, I must have passed out because I found myself opening my eyes and it was morning.
...I am shaking as I write this.
Usually I'm a ball of energy, tripping out of my sheets to go narrate my latest tale - but this. I have kept to myself.
Ever since that night..while awake, whenever I am doing anything - even this! Writing this to you guys!!! - at the corner of my eyes I see flashes of light. I know how all of this sounds! I know - i just had to tell someone...What is happening to me?
I see a light. Like its there twinkling at me to look so I do, and when I do *POP!*, its gone! Not only that - shadows. Like a gust of smoke at the corner of my eyes. Very quick, very composed, almost like a solid mass. I turn, and its gone.
The light pops have been the most frequent. The shadow ones have been a couple at least.
What is going on? I just...I needed to get this all out because, its scaring me to be honest. The sensation wasn't exactly nice when I went through it so...I don't even know if this means its some sort of negative thing/being even.
I have no clue as to why my body or mind reacted the way they did. It did it before I could 'think' it, if it makes any sense.
And I wanted to tell you guys about how I dream because this well, happened while I was sleeping and theoretically, 'dreaming'.
Guys, was I dreaming with my eyes wide open?
Have you had a similar experience if not the same?
I feel like...something important could have have happened but I am missing a link. I don't understand it. And the pops of light and shadows. Gods, they are assaulting me. They make me look all the time! And its not even a matter of "What do they want you to look at?" its just random spots...on the wall, the grass, the side of my computer, the far side of my bed....
Please, someone...If you managed to read all of this. I really need someone's thoughts.
I apologize if this is just all so weird or if I haven't explained myself at all...it is now 3 AM where I am...I guess I just finally cracked it and decided to come forward with this...
thanks...