Regrets of the dying

[Charlie Pecos]

From:http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html

REGRETS OF THE DYING

By Bronnie ware


For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.







People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.


2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.


3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.


4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.


5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.


Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

[ketturah]

I thank you for your post. I feel like this is very useful information to me. After my Mom died at age 57 from cancer, I felt bad that she had all of her life working so hard, and not doing what she wanted to do. It still makes me mad/sad to think about it. I don't want to make the same mistake.

[crosby]

this is a very thought provoking thread. at least it is for me. i have spent some of my late teen years and all of my adult life working and providing for my family. making sure that everyone has what they need and what they want. it has been very rewarding, but i'm tired. and recently have begun thinking about all of the things that i did not have a chance to do, and the places that i have not seen. when i was young i wanted to join the peace corps and go around the world and help people. but i married young and started a family, so, i never had another opportunity to do this. i'm not sure if i regret not having had this experience at this point in my life, but i wonder what i will be thinking when i reach the end. the ironic thing for me is that i thought when i got older i would have more time to do the things that i wanted to do for me. it really isn't working out that way. my oldest children have finally (at the ages of 30 and 27, respectively) started their own lives, but i still have three young college student daughters living at home. they are all great kids, but, are they ever going to grow up and start their own lives????? i'm hoping they leave the nest before it falls out of the tree. lol...

i haven't reached 50 yet, so maybe there's still some time left for me to explore the world, or myself a little more. it is something to ponder. thank you Charlie Pecos for the wonderful thread.
warmest regards, corson

[Jayke]

Death is an interesting subject, our ancestors so strongly believed in reincarnation that the etymology of the words 'die' and 'dye' come from the same place, it means 'to cast a replicate'.

They believed that you start life as a seed and end life as a seed, so that when the seasons and stars align we'll be born again when the conditions are right to continue the work we left behind... Makes you feel more at peace knowing that whatever unfinished dreams we leave behind in this lifetime are just planting the karmic seeds for us to accomplish in our next incarnation.

[goldmother]

Thanks Charlie Pecos

What a thought provoking thread, reading this has come at a very poignant time in my life... synchronicity at its best here on Avalon once again

:tea:

[Lettherebelight]

This is such a great gift you share with us, Charlie. Bronnie Ware's experiences with the dying are full of wisdom and realisation. I hope you don't mind me copying the five regrets and sharing them with others? (and myself from time to time!) It's so easy to forget how short life really is, our time here goes so quickly. The Chinese proverb says...

'A wise man thinks often of death.'

I think it would make a great published read. Thank you so much for this, the best thing I've read here for a long time!

[blake]

this is a very thought provoking thread. at least it is for me. i have spent some of my late teen years and all of my adult life working and providing for my family. making sure that everyone has what they need and what they want. it has been very rewarding, but i'm tired. and recently have begun thinking about all of the things that i did not have a chance to do, and the places that i have not seen. when i was young i wanted to join the peace corps and go around the world and help people. but i married young and started a family, so, i never had another opportunity to do this. i'm not sure if i regret not having had this experience at this point in my life, but i wonder what i will be thinking when i reach the end. the ironic thing for me is that i thought when i got older i would have more time to do the things that i wanted to do for me. it really isn't working out that way. my oldest children have finally (at the ages of 30 and 27, respectively) started their own lives, but i still have three young college student daughters living at home. they are all great kids, but, are they ever going to grow up and start their own lives????? i'm hoping they leave the nest before it falls out of the tree. lol...

i haven't reached 50 yet, so maybe there's still some time left for me to explore the world, or myself a little more. it is something to ponder. thank you Charlie Pecos for the wonderful thread.
warmest regards, corson

Hello Corson,

If you haven't reached fifty yet, you are still quite young, although supporting all those children for so very long can make you feel older than you really are. I know a couple who are in their late sixties. They just sold the family home and are joining something like the peace core to travel the world and give assistance to those less fortunate. So if that is an interest you have start researching. I think there is more available than you are presently aware of.

The baby boomers are claiming that sixty is the new forty! I don't know whether that is true or not. What I do know is that if you stay in good shape and keep your health, the second half of life, the empty nest, is a wonderful time to discover who you are, and to do what you have always wanted to do. If you are under fifty, or in your early fifties, you have more than enough time to explore your own happiness. I often interview older people, and I always ask them if they could be any age again which would it be. Not one person I interviewed wanted to be under fifty! Most claim the age they wished to be forever was between fiftyfive and their early sixties. So kick up your heals, get in the best shape you can, and research your options becasue for you know that the best is yet to come!

Sincerely,
Mr. Davis

[witchy1]

Thank you Charlie, it is indeed one of lifes greatest privaleges to be with someone who passes over.

It is (for me anyway) the exact same emotion as witnessing life come into the world. Both are very moving

[Charlie Pecos]

This is such a great gift you share with us, Charlie. Bronnie Ware's experiences with the dying are full of wisdom and realisation. I hope you don't mind me copying the five regrets and sharing them with others? (and myself from time to time!) It's so easy to forget how short life really is, our time here goes so quickly. The Chinese proverb says...

'A wise man thinks often of death.'

I think it would make a great published read. Thank you so much for this, the best thing I've read here for a long time!

By all means, please pass this information along. I found that it gave me a great deal of perspective and clarity at a moment in time when I needed it and so I wanted to pass it along to all of you.


Thank you Charlie, it is indeed one of lifes greatest privaleges to be with someone who passes over.

It is (for me anyway) the exact same emotion as witnessing life come into the world. Both are very moving

Call me weird but I totally agree with you. It is indeed exciting to be in the room with someone who is crossing over, to my mind it is witnessing a birth into the other side.

[Carmody]

I never left the now, never left the knowing, never took the job, never stopped wondering, never stopped seeing the wonder and beauty of the wold, never took on the weight, never got on the treadmill, never gave in to the pressure to conform to the insanity of the herd.

Every now and then, the pressure from the hamster treadmill of others tries to grab me and tell me I'm insane and get me to conform. People see the freedom in my eyes, mind, and body and see it as an unknown form, a insanity of sorts. A thing that fills them with fear. Their ego tells them I'm insane, that I'm crazy. Is it any wonder that I had the odd native (American) friend when I was a kid? Is it any wonder that I was a misfit?

I recall the exact moment and day the ego came to me, as a child. The weather the wind, the lighting, what it said, where it came from, the shape of it's voice...the whole lot.

The day the internal dialogue began.

It arose at the same time the spirit tries to help the forming mind, at around the age of five. When the brain is developed enough to begin useful communication, is my estimation and understanding.

I never forgot.

That moment is within you too. You can find it, if you try.

To return the subject of the thread..The best communications I have with anyone, is with the dying. Their 'mind' finally becomes clear enough that we can communicate. With them, I don't have to hold anything back. Their fears, the fears of the body are finally gone. The ego construct dissipates.

People can clear their mind like this but a problem is there. The ego, like rust, never sleeps. it tries to regain it's former position. Always, in the shaping of every thought. It will always make the attempt, without fail.

Monks live in monasteries for a reason. The egoic mind requires constant vigilance. It becomes easier over time, as the mental muscles grow..but the egoic mind will always be trying to use even it's own body sourced laziness... to convince the spirit inside to take time off..relax...forget....

[Artemesia]

Thank you Charlie, it is indeed one of lifes greatest privaleges to be with someone who passes over.

It is (for me anyway) the exact same emotion as witnessing life come into the world. Both are very moving

I concur. Spent my time doing both, and its a blessing, to be sure. Portals opening, echoes of the transcendent all around. How fortunate are we who have been honored with this opportunity and also with the knowing you share above. Very very few have this perception, in fact your sharing is the first to echo exactly my own awareness of birth and death. Thank you.

[Charlie Pecos]

I never left the now, never left the knowing, never took the job, never stopped wondering, never stopped seeing the wonder and beauty of the wold, never took on the weight, never got on the treadmill, never gave in to the pressure to conform to the insanity of the herd.

Every now and then, the pressure from the hamster treadmill of others tries to grab me and tell me I'm insane and get me to conform. People see the freedom in my eyes, mind, and body and see it as an unknown form, a insanity of sorts. A thing that fills them with fear. Their ego tells them I'm insane, that I'm crazy. Is it any wonder that I had the odd native (American) friend when I was a kid? Is it any wonder that I was a misfit?

I recall the exact moment and day the ego came to me, as a child. The weather the wind, the lighting, what it said, where it came from, the shape of it's voice...the whole lot.

The day the internal dialogue began.

It arose at the same time the spirit tries to help the forming mind, at around the age of five. When the brain is developed enough to begin useful communication, is my estimation and understanding.

I never forgot.

That moment is within you too. You can find it, if you try.

To return the subject of the thread..The best communications I have with anyone, is with the dying. Their 'mind' finally becomes clear enough that we can communicate. With them, I don't have to hold anything back. Their fears, the fears of the body are finally gone. The ego construct dissipates.

People can clear their mind like this but a problem is there. The ego, like rust, never sleeps. it tries to regain it's former position. Always, in the shaping of every thought. It will always make the attempt, without fail.

Monks live in monasteries for a reason. The egoic mind requires constant vigilance. It becomes easier over time, as the mental muscles grow..but the egoic mind will always be trying to use even it's own body sourced laziness... to convince the spirit inside to take time off..relax...forget....

Carmody,

What an unexpected treasure. Thank you. Sincerely, humbly, and from the bottom of my heart.

[9eagle9]

I was reflecting on my mother one day how she died at the age of 81 expressing her regret over all the things she didn't do. Like the one's on the opening post up there. The sad thing is there was no reason for her not to do these things. Even simple things like get a travel trailer and travel the country. Not finances, not health problems, not time. In fact whenever someone reminded her that she spend her time with relatives scattered throughout the country she would promptly make a series of doctors appointments , check ups really, to avoid doing this. So it must have been fear. She wasn't prevented, she didn't LET herself.

I reflected on this one day and I GOT SCARED. I could easily myself in that position. I made myself promised to do something that I'd always wanted to do that very moment. So I got a horse. And there was no reason for me to NOT do that. not finances or time. I simply hadn't done for it for those reasons, but they weren't real reasons.

At the age of 45 not confronted with illness , no financial issues, no mortality looking me in the face I can clearly state I do express my feelings, I know people don't like it when I do. But I will continue doing so I don't have these sorts of regrets. If I'm happy then I'm not making others miserable and in a small way that is serving others. That goes back to courage as well, I have to look at myself in the mirror every morning for the next forty years which I what I think I have left to me assuming a planet doesn't drift out of nowhere and fall on my head. I don't want to look in the mirror and see a coward there every day let alone die knowing I was one. I don't want to work hard, I wasn't born to be a slave. I want to live well, not hard.

We are lucky to have this realization NOW when we are full of life.

Living well is the best revenge...? If the lights go out and the grid goes down I'd like for us all to promise each other to have a party before the panic sets in. And if not...all the more reason to celebrate.

Of course these sorts of things cause consternation in others. But that is no reason NOT to do it.

And with those things accomplished I'm ready to work on smaller things that contribute to all of the above. At this point in my life if I had it all to do all over again I could only wish I had this realization earlier..

....and that I had bought all black appliances.

[Charlie Pecos]

....and that I had bought all black appliances.

I just wish I had been content to stay in my first house. But noooooooo, I had to have a big fancy house and all the debt that went with it.

BTW, white appliances are where it's at.

[9eagle9]

It's easy for someone who can brew a pot of coffee without getting it all over the place to say that. For the domestically challenged black hides all manner of handicaps.

I once lived in a big house, the fabled dream house. If I had that house while in college it would have been the ultimate party house. Built in indoor=outdoor speakers, bathrooms with urinals (why this fascinated me I have no idea as I don't use them personally) a huge house with central vac, all sorts of decks- patios on different levels, a bar in the rec room, pool, poolhouse hot tub, volley boll court. While I enjoyed it, it didn't make me happy. I don't regret the experience though, it was fun for a time. But it didn't make me happy.

I had white appliances there too...that must have been why ;) Don't you see Charlie, the cult of the white appliance will NEVER make you truly happy.




....and that I had bought all black appliances.

I just wish I had been content to stay in my first house. But noooooooo, I had to have a big fancy house and all the debt that went with it.

BTW, white appliances are where it's at.

[leavesoftrees]

I often interview older people, and I always ask them if they could be any age again which would it be. Not one person I interviewed wanted to be under fifty! Most claim the age they wished to be forever was between fiftyfive and their early sixties. So kick up your heals, get in the best shape you can, and research your options becasue for you know that the best is yet to come!

Sincerely,
Mr. Davis

this is good to read, particularly as I am about to turn 55!
I nursed my partner in the last weeks of his life. It felt more like a gestation than a dying, (though of course he was going through the process of casting off his body). I wasn't in the room when he died, but when I came in I found him with one arm reaching out , for something that he had seen in his last moments. I think it was also a sign he left for me.

[9eagle9]

I can vouch for that, in spite of the looks, the body, and the energy there's nothing that could coax me back to being 16, 18, or 25 again.....brrrrr....I don't even want to be 38 again....lol.

maybe for a day just for the fun of it but otherwise...NO!

[Arrowwind]

Death is an interesting subject, our ancestors so strongly believed in reincarnation that the etymology of the words 'die' and 'dye' come from the same place, it means 'to cast a replicate'.

They believed that you start life as a seed and end life as a seed, so that when the seasons and stars align we'll be born again when the conditions are right to continue the work we left behind... Makes you feel more at peace knowing that whatever unfinished dreams we leave behind in this lifetime are just planting the karmic seeds for us to accomplish in our next incarnation.

I never knew that reincarnation was implied in the word die... the word has a whole new perspective for me.
I feel that I am acutely aware of my immortality and reincarnation potential. Just as I have dreamed this life into creation I consider the potential realities for a next life. Unlike some on this forum I appreciate this earth experience and don't mind returning regardless of its challenges. Just as we dream this life into expression we dream the next life into expression also, wether in human form or not. I feel that with the soul leaning I have accrued in this life the next can only be better, if I can take my learning with me.

[Arrowwind]

Thank you Charlie, it is indeed one of lifes greatest privaleges to be with someone who passes over.

It is (for me anyway) the exact same emotion as witnessing life come into the world. Both are very moving

For me it is the same also. Two sides of the same coin and I have been compelled to whitness and assist in this life at both ends, first as a midwife then as a hospice nurse. Both bring joy to me.

n hospice the joy of the release of passing over I have been able to channel towards the family members who are having difficulty though acts of counsel and through just being there with them with courage and steadfastness in maintaining focus and centeredness, acceptance and peace as well as a demonstration that all is truely well. If you can model that to a family they can take the energy on and move through the dying process with greater ease..... and it is no secret on where I get this ability. I get it from those who are in the process of passing over themselves... the detachment of being a nurse, a care provider, allows you to see what is happening. Too often family members are so caught up in their own dramas about death and abondonment they cannot "get" the gift the dying are giving.... of course not all family members. Many do very well. It depends on their own self attained level of acceptance so that they can be there with the dying and know the dying for who they are and what they express and radiate.... and of course this state can be shared or eminated towards the dying who are in the midst of having a hard time and this awareness can be transmitted to them to "be here now" as they enter the field of the death experience.

[Arrowwind]

[! Most claim the age they wished to be forever was between fiftyfive and their early sixties. So kick up your heals, get in the best shape you can, and research your options becasue for you know that the best is yet to come!

Sincerely,
Mr. Davis

he...he...he, .... :cool: If I could have the choice I'd like to have the body of when I was a 32 year old and the heart, mind and soul of a 58 year old.... eliminating the wear and tear of having kids.

[Flash]

If you don't mind, I would like to share my experience with my dad dying. To me, this is the other side of the coin, the side of the ones staying.

I knew years in advance he would be next in his family, because of a dream.

Then the time came. Although my brother stayed with him most of the months prior, I knew I would be with him on the hour of departing. The schedules in the family were always changing, at one point I wondered how it could be that I would be with him, angels could not follow our changes in schedule. lol. But there we were, together when he departed.

He had held on much more than is usually the case, and while trying to take his last breath, I knew he needed an acknowledgement, and a kind of permission to go, which I gave.

Then, in the subsequent months (2-3), few things happened. The lessons he brought me are forever with me.

First, he came to me in dreams, asking me how he died, because drugs (he said) morphine had put him unconsicous of his death. I reviewed in my mind the whole process for him to see. Then he made sure I had not been afraid, I had retained no fear from his death, which I ensured him I had not.

I had one or two more dreams with him, he was doing what he loved while alive, one of them being with some kind of energy pipes suspended over a city (he loved working with energy stuff and he loved working around flying saucers stuff and theories as well, hence my interest - and my liking of Carmody's posts for example).

A few months later, he came back. He was sitting in a chair, looking at me. I was so happy, but so happy to see him. Then, all of a sudden, he gave me the incredible gift of absolute pure love. It was as if every single cell of my body/mind/spirit had been individually put into a full bath of love, soaking in it. There is no words for this. It did change me.

I told that to a Jewish friend of mine and she told me "this is so funny and strange, because in our religion, it is known that the departed come back and that we will see them sitting in a chair looking at us"

Later on, with the years passing, the physical attributes of my father started to fade away, more and more (I still somewhat remember but better with a picture, not as clear altogether as before).

One thing however never ever faded away: the love he gave me, the love I felt through him while a young child, while a teenager or a young adult. The feeling of his love flowing through towards me and my brothers and sister is still as intense as ever.

The lesson for me: THE ONLY TRUTH IS LOVE. THE TRUE VIBRATION/ENERGY/UNIVERSE IS LOVE.

I have been wanting to live by this since, and it is getting better and better. And yes, it is always in the actual now, in the forever, in the eternal now.

I still have to remind me love, when working too much, or getting my will and ego in the way.

Here is the last lesson of a father to his daughter, of a dying/dead to a living. I hoped you would all share it with me.

Thanks for reading.


ps: thanks Charlie for this really nice thread.

[Charlie Pecos]

Hi Flash,

What a beautiful story, thank you for sharing.

My wifes' father crossed over in 2009. Just the other night he came to her in a dream. She was busy doing something and he appeared but was hesitant to stick around because she was busy. (He was always very considerate and did not want to impose on anybody.) They shared a moment together in her dream. He did eventually fade out, but she was ecstatic to have seen him. There is nothing like the love shared between a father and daughter, it is very special.

[Flash]

You may have been right Charlie when you started the thread, not many people picked up on it. Dying must still be a taboo topic.

[Warlock]

This is one of the most moving threads I have ever read on any forum.
It not only makes you think, it moves you deeply.

Warlock

[Enquiring1]

Thank you for your wonderful post.

This is what I call real world education..............

[QueenKat]

Thank you for this thread! It is wonderful to be reminded as to what is truly important in life. We must be reminded because life has a tendency to make us forget.

Life is so precious!

Our loved ones are infinitely precious!

We are precious.

[Charlie Pecos]

In this world, in our cultures, we are taught that death is something to be feared, a dis-ease which must be avoided. In truth, death is as natural as birth and there is absolutely nothing to fear. Fear itself is only an illusion as there is only Love. We have allowed ourselves to become very distorted as to the truths of the universe. It is time to reclaim that which is rightfully ours.

The knowledge is there, we must seek within and find it. The reason the internet is allowed to fly by the "controllers" is that it distracts us from seeking "within". This is the reason for all the poisons in the food we eat, the water we drink, and the air we breathe. As long as our senses are dulled, we will not seek within. If we are not seeking within, then "they" are safe. Their game can continue as they like. But if we go "within" and understand who and what we are and our relation to the bigger picture, they lose contol of their game. We step out and become beyond them or greater than their awareness. They must then work to become greater than our awareness in a never ending dance of universal law. It is all just a grand play of the original thought- Love.

What they may not understand (or perhaps they do) is that a much larger force is at work here. Expansion and contraction. Yin and yang. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. The universe works in such a way that nothing is allowed to rest at one extreme or another. It goes back and forth. The ebb and flow of life. Throught this constant action, balance is achieved. Currently, things are going the other way, whether they want it to or not. There is a growing awareness and it will only continue. Nothing can stop it as it is a universal law. This is what ascension is all about. Expanding awareness of who and what we are. Oh yes, I am so sorry, they do lose control of their game- for a while. It is also a universal law that the more you hold something back, the greater the expansion/ exlosion will be when it finally does become uncontained.

And as sure as this is happening now, as sure as there golden age upon us, the time will come when we have once again achieved the pinnacle of spiritual knowledge and power, and it will be reversed and sent the other way. Back down to the depths of unkowing, only to start all over again in the ancient and timeless rythm of the universe. This has all happened before and it will happen again.

Just Love.

[Muzz]

Wise words from a native american.


Chief Tecumseh - Shawnee

So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and Demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, Beautify all things in your life.

Seek to make your life long and Its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, Even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and Bow to none.

When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the food and For the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, The fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and nothing, For abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision.

When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts Are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes They weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again In a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.

[Fred Steeves]

Wise words from a native american.


Chief Tecumseh - Shawnee



When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts Are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes They weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again In a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.

What an awesome quote and an awesome thread! I think of the day I die often, and I think that as long as I can look back over the triumphs and the failures and know in my heart that I did my best, it'll be a fine moment.

I've sort of adopted this short line from the song "My Way" that sums things up nicely.

I faced it all
And I stood tall,
And did it my way


Cheers,
Fred

[Peace of Mind]

Very good thread, Charlie Pecos…

A few years back I use to always wonder what life was like after death. Now, I hardly focus on it that much because death is inevitable, I’ll find out when that time comes. In death, I don’t want to harbor any regrets. I don’t want a after life where I’m thinking about all the things I could have done but didn’t because of fear or I let others talk me out of it.

Knowing that I’m only here for a minute (compare to the age of the universe)…I hardly waste a precious second of it. I’m sure when/if I ever look back I’ll be very satisfied with my time here and my accomplishments, especially the ones I’m currently working on.

Life here is all you imagine it to be...just be mindful of what you’re imagining.

Peace

[Unified Serenity]

Thank you Charlie and others for sharing in this thread. I have dealt with this subject a lot lately. My mother passed away February 27th of this year. My father is in my son's room now in his last days under hospice care. My partner's cat passed away just before Thanksgiving this past year. I have had a difficult year on the work treadmill and coping with this topic. Mom's death was a shock and we basically never got to have those last moments of talking due to her illness which struck so suddenly. My dad called and told me that mom needed to go to the hospital. She was in respiratory distress and was hard to get into the car, but she did not want to go in an ambulance, so I had to be pretty forceful word wise to get her into the car. It's kind of funny now that one of our last interactions was my mom asking me if my turn signal was broken because I was not using it to change lanes getting her to the hospital. That was pretty much my last lucid conversation with mom. She wanted to go, this much I do know. I believe she passed in peace, though she would not pass with my sister and me present. We stayed around the clock at hospice house for a week. The last day my sister's husband and my partner talked us into going home to get some rest. I am convinced that my mom waited until my sister had 3 glasses of wine and I had layed down for a half hour to sleep to feel confident we were not going to come into the room. Dad was with her. He said she took one final breath and just passed. I have had several dreams with my mom since February. I heard her call my name today as if down a long tunnel. Dad says mom visits him off and on. He has been seeing long past friends in these last days waiting for him to cross over.

He is still lucid, but we are having to increase the morphine so he is getting confused at times. I am blessed to have my father here with me now. We have had some good conversations. I enjoy shaving him and clipping his nails and washing his hands and face. Hospice house has become our charity through these experiences. The Big Bend Hospice are incredible with the care and comfort they give to both the sick and their families. I will always be grateful for those who dedicate their lives to this service. Upon my mother's passing, I had the nurse cut off some of her hair for me. I ordered a memory locket for my sister and me. I folded mom's hair into a memory ribbon and placed one in each of the lockets and gave one to my sister. I haven't removed my locket since as it comforts me. I also got these great teddy bears that are about 20" tall. Mom collected bears. They are soft and have a sweater on them with a small heart patch that says "In memory of Nonny". In the back, you can put ashes or hair in a plastic pouch which you put in a small red heart and tuck into the bear and zip it up. I gave one to each of the grandchildren and one for me. Death is not the end but a great new adventure in my mind. I have been talking with dad and he is coming to terms with his illness and gaining peace. I am going to return to my writing and wood carving. My life is simplifying and I feel that for the first time in a long time that I am headed down the right path again. I won't dedicate my life to the ratrace. I want to be that change, live life in simplicity, and enjoy my family without looking back regretting my choices. Thanks again Charlie for posting this thread. I love this site and the people on it who share their stories, thoughts, and comfort one another. Many energy hugs to all of you.

Serenity

[Charlie Pecos]

One of the most poignant scenes I have ever witnessed in a movie.

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