Our parents and our childhood, how have they influenced the person you are today?

[Morgaine]

Hello everyone,
The ancestry thread really got me thinking!
(thanks Ketturah!) http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?30089-Would-you-like-to-share-your-ancestry

How did each of us evolve into the questioning, spiritual and awakening people we are today? I wondered how much my childhood had influenced by fascination towards all things spiritual and metaphysical. Is it possible that as a group (ie: Avalon Members) we were all drawn here by the facets of our nature that were moulded by our experiences as children?

I then thought how interesting it would be to hear a little bit about people's childhood and family life. To learn a little more about each other, and the people we were as children.
In my experience anyway, children are very naturally spiritual and open. Open to all the beauty and wonder of the universe, as yet untainted by cynicism and well, just life! When I was a child I felt so connected to the Earth, I could feel the pulse and the breath of it coursing through me whenever I was alone in nature. I felt completely at home, and I had no doubt that there was a higher power there watching over me, I know that sounds silly now, but I genuinely felt that. I had experiences as a child of sensing people in my bedroom, and even seeing them once or twice. I was extremely receptive and sensitive to energies, I still am.
My Family.
I was the youngest of four, by 14 years. My siblings all left home within 3 years of my birth so despite having a near photographic memory about much of my childhood, I have no memories whatsoever of my brothers and sister being at home. My mother was an obsessive compulsive person and although she obviously loved me, she controlled every facet of mine and my father's existence down to the way the t-shirts faced in the draws, and the obsessive cleaning routines she subjected us to. It was very suffocating for a creative child. My Father had a brilliant sense of humour, was an accomplished musician and was amazingly intelligent. It was him who taught me about God, the Earth the Universe and my place in it. He helped me to develop my ever questioning personality, because he always knew the answers! He had a great respect for nature and relished my love for it. His sheer passion for music was the sole reason I became a pianist, I shared his love for all things musical and I am really thankful I was lucky enough to have that. I was obsessed with the piano and with drawing, two things I learnt to do very well. My father always encouraged me in these pursuits.
He was also an alcoholic who had made things really difficult for my mother and siblings for a long time before I came along. They never had any money or stability, as well as suffering all those other well known family issues alcoholics subject their loved ones to.
I grew to have enormous respect and love for my mother, for the sheer strength and determination she has shown to stay by his side for over 54 years. It taught me a lot about being a woman and a mother.
If we choose our parents before we are born, I can say that even through all the hardship I am glad I chose them. Is each generation becoming more and more aware? It would certainly seem so.
My parents are now both elderly, and amazingly they now share more with me than ever before. About their spiritual experiences, and beliefs and so on. (My Dad even believes the ET DNA modification theory!!!) It is now that I see the influence they have really had on me, for they too have the same questions, only now I am able to teach them sometimes! Above all one of the most powerful things I learnt from my childhood was to forgive my parents. I see my siblings carrying around an enormous amount of anger and resent, while their parents are full of guilt and sadness. Forgiveness is a powerful force, and I am so grateful that I realised I could do that.

So I guess that's a little bit about me....nothing too amazing. I'd love to hear something from all of you, a little insight and history. Thanks for reading!'

Sincerely-
Morgaine.

[etheric underground]

Interesting ....
I have a few similarities.
I too have learnt to not use my parents as a means not to improve my reality.
Letting go your anger and forgiving twinkle toes you toward enlightenment.
My mother was O.C.D and bipolar....So I wasnt allowed to get dirty and would either
be joined with excitement in the mud puddle or whacked abusively.
Dad came from an alcoholic upbringing and a very poor and abusive one.
He was highly intelligent and once were warrior like.
I too believe that I picked my parents for all the wrong reasons to excell me to
remember who I am.
Ive recently been told that kids like us with unorthodox and uncertain parents end up
being highly sensitive to claivoyancy and promote the ability to read people psychically.
This is because from day to day you dont know what state you will have to face,
so you start to analyse and interpret energy and body language in the rawest form.
before you hit adult hood you can already read peoples emotion, decide the outcome of the scenario,
and manipulate the sequence to your advantage ( well I did anyways)
My mother is in care but I look after her finances and I love her for who she is
My father is now a marshmellow with the biggest heart and i love that old bastard also.
thank you for the chance to put this down my kiwi cousin

[Morgaine]

Wow Etheric, there are some similarities there! I like what you said about not using your parents to improve your reality. It is so true. It took me a long time to realise that, and sadly a lot of my other family haven't as yet. Also what you said about children who grow up with unpredictable and "different" parents being highly sensitive psychically , is intriguing and I can see how it applies to my own childhood. I've always been hyper-sensitive to reading other people's energy, scanning them for signs of discomfort or anything...I now realise I learnt to do that as a little girl.
It was so hard to relax as a child in our house...it never happened. So by the time I was a young adult the only overwhelming emotion I had was "escape"
To this day I find it very hard to feel "confined" or controlled...and occasionally feel like this even when it is not actually occurring. I do not function well without complete freedom to do my own thing whenever I want to. I've developed my spirituality and interests as I've grown up and learnt more about myself.
How interesting that we've shared such similar upbringings! Kiwi kids though ay?
Thank you so much for your honesty Etheric, I've learnt something very important from it and I am truly grateful!
Kia Ora- :)

Take good care-
Morgaine.

[crosby]

Morgaine thanks so much for this thread. i too came from a disruptive childhood. alcoholic and abusive parents. they both split the scene when i was around the age of 5, and at that time i realized that i would have to depend upon myself there on out. i never held them hostage to the rebellion fury to pay them back as a teenager or an adult. my older siblings are still angry with them, even though my father has since passed on, and my mother has reached her twilight years. i remember that when i was young and merging with critical thinking patterns and cognitive thought patterns that i had the knack of knowing before hand when something would be dangerous, or when i was needed to make someone feel better. i always seemed to know when the phone rang who it was, or what the call was about. as an awakened adult, i have learned that i am an empath. i never knew, or perhaps i should say, didn't recognize that i had this ability before i came here. most times i just didn't think of it, and a lot of the time, i thought everyone else was the same as me. that has all changed now. i wonder now, had i not chosen the parents that i did before this incarnation, would i have any capabilities of comprehension or would i still be sleeping. slumbering around in a cloud of artificial knowledge.??? it is very interesting to find out so much about yourself, while at the same time, always feeling as though you've known it forever. thanks so much for the thread. it's good to revisit the beginning just a bit.
warmest regards, corson

[Ria]

Thank you for the depth of your sharing, right now I am sleep deprived and do not I have the where with-all to share, just wont you to know my appreciation.

[etheric underground]

Wow Etheric, there are some similarities there! I like what you said about not using your parents to improve your reality. It is so true. It took me a long time to realise that, and sadly a lot of my other family haven't as yet. Also what you said about children who grow up with unpredictable and "different" parents being highly sensitive psychically , is intriguing and I can see how it applies to my own childhood. I've always been hyper-sensitive to reading other people's energy, scanning them for signs of discomfort or anything...I now realise I learnt to do that as a little girl.
It was so hard to relax as a child in our house...it never happened. So by the time I was a young adult the only overwhelming emotion I had was "escape"
To this day I find it very hard to feel "confined" or controlled...and occasionally feel like this even when it is not actually occurring. I do not function well without complete freedom to do my own thing whenever I want to. I've developed my spirituality and interests as I've grown up and learnt more about myself.
How interesting that we've shared such similar upbringings! Kiwi kids though ay?
Thank you so much for your honesty Etheric, I've learnt something very important from it and I am truly grateful!
Kia Ora- :)

Take good care-
Morgaine.

Awesome Morgaine....Maybe ...possibly...definitely there was something in the water or in the alcohol provided in N.Z ( mmmm I feel a conspiracy coming on)

[Omni connexae!]

Interesting topic,

Just wanted to hop in and link this:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpVSKHSwOSc


The Tree of Life is the impressionistic story of a Midwestern family in the 1950's. The film follows the life journey of the eldest son, Jack, through the innocence of childhood to his disillusioned adult years as he tries to reconcile a complicated relationship with his father. Jack finds himself a lost soul in the modern world, seeking answers to the origins and meaning of life while questioning the existence of faith. We see how both brute nature and spiritual grace shape not only our lives as individuals and families, but all life.


We trace the evolution of Jack, an eleven-year-old boy in the Midwest, who is one of three brothers. At first, the world seems marvelous to the child. He sees everything as his mother does, with the eyes of his soul. She represents the way of love and mercy, while the father tries to teach his son the world's way, of putting oneself first. Each parent tries to influence Jack, who must reconcile their claims with each other. The picture darkens as he has his first glimpses of sickness, suffering and death. The world, once a thing of glory, becomes a labyrinth.

The whole movie is, pretty much, based on what you've questioned here, so you may enjoy it.

The symbology in it is so deep, I cannot even begin to explain right now... (our innocence, our capacity for destructive bahavior, God, universe, duality, so much more and how we come to explore it all... )

But it's a very slow movie so you have time to think and appreciate the 'deeper meaning' within it as you go along.

Definitely not for everyone, but the 'best' never is =)

[ketturah]

Thanks so much for this thread Morgaine! I am interested why I am the way I am. I try to look for at my past to figure out what brought me to where I am today...Still searching for spiritual truth.

I am an only child and only grandchild. I was born to a 19 year old mother, who was pregnant with me her senior year of High School, and a 22 year old father, who just returned from serving 3 tours of duty in Vietnam (enlisted at 16 or 17). My father, was on Navy river boat whose job was body count. About 10 years ago, I was in marriage therapy and the analyst told me that I was obviously an unwanted child....something I never thought about.

My Mom grew up very poor in an abusive over crowded home with no father present. My Dad left his home at 16 to join Navy, under the advise of his Father. To this day, he still says that his parents did not ever give him good advise, and were not good parents, although he knows that they just didn't know any better.

My Mom started working 2 weeks after I was born. I don't have too many memories of her before the age of 5. I know that I always wanted to be with her, when she was available. My Dad started college using the GI bill.

My Father's Mother was my primary caregiver to the age of 9. My Grandmother was diagnosed with mental problems. She would sometimes have breaks from reality and be hospitalized. She had electro shock therapy a few times. I remember visiting her in a mental institution. I loved my Grandma, she was very kind to me, she loved children. By the way, I remember her once telling me that we come from the Stars. This would be considered talking crazy. I now think maybe she was ahead of her time. She was not respected by my Dad or my Grandpa. They ordered her around like a slave.

My Grandpa was a retired prison guard who had served 7 years in Navy. He joined before WWII and didn't get out until after the war. As a young child, my days were spent playing card games with my Grandpa, he was the type that would never let the 4 year old ever win....lol. I was not catered to, I had very few toys or books. I would be creative and play with couch cushions, dish towels, pots and pans. When I was 5, my grandparent's 18 year old son died within 2 months of joining military. He fell/jumped/or was pushed out a 3rd story window in Germany. My Grandparents were emotionally destroyed after this, but they were still in charge of my daycare. Being an empath, I could feel their pain.

My parents were very poor until my Dad graduated college. We lived in a 3 room house. When I was 4, my best friend who lived across the street was kidnapped from our street. She was found alive in a dump(left for dead) and sexually molested. I wondered why this happened to her and not me. This situation ofcourse affected me. I still think about her.

My first memory is being spanked by my Dad, at 3 years old because I exploded Coke all over the kitchen because I shook the bottle up before opening it. I knew he was taking his frustations out on me. He had post tramatic stress disorder. My Dad would talk to me like an adult. I asked if there was a God, and he told me he was agnostic and told me what that meant. Religion was not forced on me. He would tell me about different theories of the Universe he was learning in school. He and I were very close, and still are. He was very gifted in math and science and graduated college in 2 and a half years.

My Mom said she was born with a veil over her face. She considered herself psychic. She studied white magic from a friend of her family( a black lady born in the late 1800's). I did not have know about this until my parents had divorce and I was about 10 years old. She would burn incense and light candles. We had pictures of Jesus and the Saints around our house (after my Dad left). I once saw my grandma (who was living) standing in my mom's bedroom at the foot of the bed. I was not sleeping, and I don't know what this meant?

My Mom married a man who was an alcoholic when I was 11. My Mom was very young and beautiful and had other boyfriends who would have been more beneficial to our family. I think she made that choice because her father was an alcoholic, who abandoned his family and she needed to fulfill some need from her childhood. So, I too experienced the family problems associated with addiction.

My Grandma went missing when I was 18, she was missing for 3 weeks until her body was found in the river. She was 59. My Grandpa killed himself less than a year later by shooting himself in the heart. My Mom died 3 years ago, in hospital, she had cancer but she was given high dose morphine until she died. We talked everyday when she was living. She was 57. My Dad is still living. He now has 2 kids that are about my kids ages. He is not in good health. He calls me everyday.

[Morgaine]

Ketturah, thank you so much for sharing your story. All I can say to you is it is clear that you must be an incredibly strong and wise soul. No one has the perfect childhood I know, but some have truly difficult and heartbreaking ones. In my life I have found it is those people who have suffered the most, have the most to offer their fellow humans in the form of love, understanding and spirit.
Thank you again Ketturah,

Morgaine.

[vilcabamba]

I grew up in a family in NJ where the personality type seems to be more ..shall i say abrasive... then mine (not all people are!!..i'm sure some of you live there and are like me..sensitive....but compared to the south or the west coast..NY and NJ are hard for sensitive people).

I was ultra and still ultra sensitive. My mom used to constantly berate me for being too sensitive and she would read books on "the highly sensitive personality" as if it was a malfunction. i now realize that my parents mean and mentally abusive. My sensitivity makes me who i am and i'm proud to be sensitive. i care for others and i care for the people in africa who are starving and the person on the street who are homeless. My mom on the other hand gets angry at me every time i try to tell her about what the illuminati is doing with weather modification and vaccines and chemtrails. When i told her that vaccines were causing illnesses and autism..her response was "i don't give a ****..it's not my problem" and my response was horrified that someone could say such a thing. I now realize that our medical system defines a disease for people who are "highly sensitive" and would love to give us drugs to rectify this situation while they don't have a term for people like my parents who were "highly INsensitive".

My parents pushed me away from all the things i loved such as art, nature and horseback riding and pushed me into their materialistic world of finance. I soon started to get health problems as a teenager when they started to get really aggressive at swaying me away from art and nature. My health deteriorated when i lived in NY city and focused on materialism and working for wall street.

It took getting really really sick to wake up..if i didn't get sick i would still be living in the matrix in a world that made me feel miserable. i'm slowly healing physically and mentally.. I am now 3 years into detoxing and moving back into my true self..which is a wonderful sensitive caring being who is no longer wanting to be a slave to the materialistic world i was pushed into. My family still doesn't understand me and thinks that my desire to frequent these websites are "anti-govt"..and i try to tell my mom..these are not anti-government but sites to help evolve the population into a better reality..she doesn't understand and gets angry whenever i try to tell her what is going on.

My family probably talks behind my back as if im crazy b/c i'm trying to get them to buy storage foods and gold and silver to protect us from inflation and what might happen. My mom is a daughter of aushwitz survivors and completely would repeat history and walk like a sheep into the slaughter. I told her that there were concentration camps here in the United States and she said she would rather not know and would rather die when she dies..including taking her family into the slaughter with her..as she doesn't want to take any time to protect her assets or help her other children protect themselves by telling them not to eat GMO foods. She says well i understand GMOs are not good for you..but she can't comprehend how dangerous they are..she doesn't believe it. She also makes up excuses for the chemtrails even though she was personally told by a government military scientist that they were for depopulation and that the govt wants to kill off 90% of the population. She still says she doesn't believe it.

It's been really hard to wake up and look around being in a world filled with zombies who think the govt loves them. When i know everything is being done to destroy the economy and poison people. I've been starting to read about energy healing and meditation..and i'm learning and growing. I am learning that i need to stop yearning for my family to love me..and concentrate on helping humanity and showing others love. If i chose my family....i don't know why on earth i did..i seriously seriously do not want to see these beings ever again after i leave this planet..but if i chose them..maybe it was to wake me up..and they sure did!

[Sidney]

I grew up in a family in NJ where the personality type seems to be more ..shall i say abrasive... then mine (not all people are!!..i'm sure some of you live there and are like me..sensitive....but compared to the south or the west coast..NY and NJ are hard for sensitive people).

I was ultra and still ultra sensitive. My mom used to constantly berate me for being too sensitive and she would read books on "the highly sensitive personality" as if it was a malfunction. i now realize that my parents mean and mentally abusive. My sensitivity makes me who i am and i'm proud to be sensitive. i care for others and i care for the people in africa who are starving and the person on the street who are homeless. My mom on the other hand gets angry at me every time i try to tell her about what the illuminati is doing with weather modification and vaccines and chemtrails. When i told her that vaccines were causing illnesses and autism..her response was "i don't give a ****..it's not my problem" and my response was horrified that someone could say such a thing. I now realize that our medical system defines a disease for people who are "highly sensitive" and would love to give us drugs to rectify this situation while they don't have a term for people like my parents who were "highly INsensitive".

My parents pushed me away from all the things i loved such as art, nature and horseback riding and pushed me into their materialistic world of finance. I soon started to get health problems as a teenager when they started to get really aggressive at swaying me away from art and nature. My health deteriorated when i lived in NY city and focused on materialism and working for wall street.

It took getting really really sick to wake up..if i didn't get sick i would still be living in the matrix in a world that made me feel miserable. i'm slowly healing physically and mentally.. I am now 3 years into detoxing and moving back into my true self..which is a wonderful sensitive caring being who is no longer wanting to be a slave to the materialistic world i was pushed into. My family still doesn't understand me and thinks that my desire to frequent these websites are "anti-govt"..and i try to tell my mom..these are not anti-government but sites to help evolve the population into a better reality..she doesn't understand and gets angry whenever i try to tell her what is going on.

My family probably talks behind my back as if im crazy b/c i'm trying to get them to buy storage foods and gold and silver to protect us from inflation and what might happen. My mom is a daughter of aushwitz survivors and completely would repeat history and walk like a sheep into the slaughter. I told her that there were concentration camps here in the United States and she said she would rather not know and would rather die when she dies..including taking her family into the slaughter with her..as she doesn't want to take any time to protect her assets or help her other children protect themselves by telling them not to eat GMO foods. She says well i understand GMOs are not good for you..but she can't comprehend how dangerous they are..she doesn't believe it. She also makes up excuses for the chemtrails even though she was personally told by a government military scientist that they were for depopulation and that the govt wants to kill off 90% of the population. She still says she doesn't believe it.

It's been really hard to wake up and look around being in a world filled with zombies who think the govt loves them. When i know everything is being done to destroy the economy and poison people. I've been starting to read about energy healing and meditation..and i'm learning and growing. I am learning that i need to stop yearning for my family to love me..and concentrate on helping humanity and showing others love. If i chose my family....i don't know why on earth i did..i seriously seriously do not want to see these beings ever again after i leave this planet..but if i chose them..maybe it was to wake me up..and they sure did!

Vilcabamba, You story is very similar to mine. Abusive childhood, same exact reaction from family re chemtrails and the like. And I too got sick, and If I hadn't I most likely would still be living the lie.
Unfortunately, I feel that my ****ty childhood made me "hard". I have a wall a mile high, and I rarely let anyone in. (really in). I have severe trust issues, and it took me a lonnnng time to build a trusting relationship with my husband. I trust him and my daughter, and my cats 100% but not anyone else at all. I always am watching my back, to see whos going to sh** on me next. I am working hard to turn it around through meditation, and learning from all of the enlightened people on this forum.

Thank you for this thread, its uplifting knowing that I am not the only person that didnt have a "Partridge Family" childhood.