PDA

View Full Version : Sharing Myself, My Path to Spiritual Authenticity



write4change
27th December 2011, 03:32
I have been gone from here almost a year. I do not remember how to work this site much any more and I was not very good when I left. So bare with me on the technicalities.

I see a lot of changes have evolved and as far as I can tell for the better. I am not into analyzing what I think I see right now or if ever.

I have to begin with why I left. And it appears that some people involved have also more or less left but have appeared recently at this time but not really posted anything.

I came with the beginning of the Anglo Saxon Mission. I thought it was hughly important and delivered well. The Charles Atticus stuff confused me, amused me, and made me very paranoid.

There can be a synchronicity of stuff. I am going to try to lay out the stuff as factually as I can.

My first husband, who I divorced in 1972, lived as a child across from Chang Ki Shek in Formosa. His father was the occupational commander. From his parents when we married in 1965 we got two gifts that supposedly came from Shek ( I am spelling this phonetically and not looking it up now.) A pair of Fou Dogs which I still have and a book that I gave away a few years ago to someone living in Guam.

I began telling Cayman stuff that he apparently never got and we both seemed to have emails that disappeared. I am not computer literate. One day in February a whole year's work I had been writing disappeared. One day my computer came on totally red screened and I had been big time hacked.

I did not have much money then so I could not fix it very well. I was still having major and weird things happening.

I also had a Chinese woman in her 50s live with us in the early 80s from UCLA International Students Union. From that experience, we were invited by the Chinese government to China for six weeks one of the first non govt tours.

As a result of all this, I contacted someone at UCLA I had known for all those years ago and visited them and explained in detail. They told me that there was no way that the Chinese government would not be following all this from the beginning about the Anglo Saxon Mission. When I returned to my home that night at about ten pm--both of my front doors---the outer barred door and the inner steel door---were wide open. Nothing was taken. But there is no way that where I live my doors could have stayed open from two o clock in the afternoon. Someone was watching me coming and going on the bus and opened my door shortly before I arrived. I have had detailed explanations about that too.

Between the Charles stuff, the Celine stuff, the 18 stuff, and moderator stuff---I have no idea who was doing what. The door thing really freaked me. I choose someone here that was not a good choice to talk on the phone with about all of this and explain it--on the theory my phone was probably tapped. This was also advice from major player at UCLA. I got off the internet.

I then had a major fall in the bathroom loosing my balance with one foot in the tub and one on the floor. It hurt but not majorly. There was no skin broken etc. I thought I would have a bruise. I went to bed. The next day my whole leg was swollen and I could put no weight on it. By the time, I went to the doctor it was too late. I had a blood clot that could have been dissolved with a shot in the first 4 to 8 hours. It was a long and painful ordeal lasting months.

In March, I got a notice from the California Tax Franchise Board that I owed them about 30,000 dollars. It turns out that my deceased husband's partner had embezzeled about 100,000 from me. Since that first notification that amount has increased to about a half a million.

In May, the government went throught my records and found that they had underpaid me a little over 6,000 and directly deposited. This was initially done without any notice or explanation which also made me paranoid. I still wonder about it because the governement does not usually go back 12 years in records to find underspayments. I decided to use it and deal with it later. I immediately spent 2000 on computer stuff and a then a lawyer consult.

In June, the partner's wife contacted me and we had lunch. I told her then that I knew the resolution of this would come between us. Not men. She would choose justice or redemption. They then hired a tax consultant and she began taking me places and giving me some money.

I already had a plan and a found a property I wanted to purchase in the interior of the country and try one more time for an intentional community. I wanted 100,000 cash and monthly payments of $1,000. We had an oral agreement to that effect. The property had been on the market 22 months. It had two houses on it, a barn, a pond, an orchard, and was 20 acres. I could make a go of it.

I guess their game plan was to get me to buy and get in debt in preparation for going that I would do anything. They insisted I sign a hold harmless agreement and that I sell them my shares in the company---something I had been refusing to do since my husband's death in 1997. There are no circumstances that I would do either of those two things and they knew that from the beginning.

So I have been hunkering down for the big law suit. They are betting I will not get punitive damages and since I have no substantial money a lawyer on contingency wants 40%. I think they are wrong about punitive damages and I think their behavior for the last five months proves they have always had the intention to defraud me and that the OWS movement has changed the legal atmosphere. They are rich but not rich enough to be movers and shakers. They are going to be the perfect example.

One of the things I did was come out of my recluse mode and spent 45 days camping the Occuply LA movement. That was quite an experience and I could write a book but will share some of my oberservations here.

I have come back here now because I have worked thru all of my fears and encountered many face to face and I am now moving forward.

I have told no one about this site and my writings here because spirituality for me is more private and these people would not consider it and if they did would consider it proof of my craziness---which will be one of their defenses.

I am coming back for support and to tell people that I know I will get this money and that I am open to this community helping me develop an off the grid self sustaining community of alternative housing. I have not stopped learning about this since I left and will go back to my thread about this. Or start a new one soon.

I have missed many of you and I will explain more as it comes to me.

I have spent hundred's of dollars trying to get computer literate and paying for a website. Total bust and been scamed so I can now pay someone here that will be both public about this and help me build a web site using the soapbox platform. And I need them to move what I have already started.

All of this now being said. I am very glad to be back. I could not even remember my handle and I had a visiting friend sign up. Reading Giovanni's early friends, I found and remembered my name.

Edina saw I was back almost within minutes. I now remember how much joy there was to share on this site. And Wade Fraizer--I am glad to see you continue to evolve and hand in there. As usually it will take me weeks to read your stuff. LOL

Hughe
28th December 2011, 11:32
@write4change

You can run a tiny web site under $100 to $200 per year. You buy a domain name and link it to a free blog site. Till you have enough data to put out and enough time to manage your web site, using a free blog site is handy, cost-effective too. The free blog has limited features but it's good enough to communicate with others. It probably takes few months get to know all the blog features because the company only provide good customer service to paid members. That's what I've been doing for years.

One other thing you need to check is how the web company protects your personal information. I would prefer to register my web site using a proxy agent with non-disclose agreement.

Also study few internet guide books: how to create HTML documents, how the internet and web servers work, basic security issues. It will save you $$$ in the long run. internet companies love to deal with naive customers.

write4change
29th December 2011, 06:19
Hughe,

This is both helpful and in some ways I don't understand all that you say. I have a rather big prescence on dailykos which I have had since 02. Last year I let my status lapse to come here and after getting off the net and them introducing DK4 have remained more a reader. But I have about 350 people I can start with. I have a plan of what I want to do and while I invision it--it does not really show yet.

I want to use the soapbox.com platfrom and my thought process are all around that. I understand how to use just not how it works. I bought the domain name of lastlegslaststand.com and it has three posting before this guy disappeared. He does not answer his emails or anything else etc.

I would like to keep lastlegslaststand as a start and when I learn how that works, I would like to do two more websites. One small and one I believe I can make substantial money on and not for the sake of making money but to support and intentional community.

I am going to try and lay down a body of work here much like Wade with the feminine concepts of Uli. I am still thinking about the how of it.

You writing to me has been helpful more than you know because I was afraid I lost my ability to connect with people here. Beginnings are always rewarded by the universe in my expderience so I am always willing to begin again. And my committment is to remain absolutely transparent both as to costs, benefits, and mistakes.

Again my appreciation for your time and thoughtfulness.

ulli
29th December 2011, 06:31
Write4change
This forum has changed a lot since February and you may find it an excellent platform for expressing yourself.
Just make a thread about your OccupyLA impressions, for instance, and add to it regularly.

write4change
29th December 2011, 06:50
I just found I was able to change the title of this thread. Integrity Redeaux was totally inappropriate. The first thread I started reading when I came back was the thread on integrity and it was on my mind. I still have not completed reading every post word for word which I am committed to. It is one of the most important discussions here.

I have completely read Bill Ryan's What is Coming, The Annunaki Analysis, the Lord Sid controversy, the name discussion, and Bordon's thread of con men and stuff that has caught my eye if not my committment. I feel it has given me a fair idea of what is occurring here now.

I have also read some of my old stuff and now remember how upset and paranoid I had gotten and why. My feelings are that was then and this is now and I am not going back.

However, the Lord Sid thing convinced me that many of the deep problems remain and repetitively come up over and over and nothing seems to get resolved about it. Apparently power and egos and emotions are very difficult things to control.

I learned a long time ago that the goal of life is not to conquer the world but to conquer yourself. And the big new frontier is your own mind. To quote 9eagle9; the master has mastered themselves. Therefore, I am not getting into any controversies that will get me into fear of being banned. And I am not getting into any undefined negativity that will arouse the mods. What is done here is inevitably visible and by your deeds you are known.

What is great about being old is that you get to see karma evolve. Anyone who has ever really done me dirty, has had terrible things happen to them that has never had anything to do with me. When I was young I used to think about bad things happening to bad people. But now I am too buy doing what needs to be done. The walking dead like Dick Cheney live with their own kind of terror. Cheney with his artificial heart no longer has a heart beat, he is not part of the life that connects us all. He lives in fear of what his death will bring and none of his money nor his power changes that.

My ex husband never remarried, became a true alcoholic, lost all his friends, and was dead for ten years before I knew he was dead. I was told he spent the last five years as the walking dead, living on dialysis. He died at 50. He regretted not marrying an heiress like his best friend and not having a mink bedspread. Those focused regrets brought him nothing.

What is also good about getting old is making choices that affect no one but you. And I am just now getting to the point where I am sure that I know what I know at least for me. I remain a voracious reader and a constant learner. The more I know the more I know what I don't know. But the core of me--heart, mind, body and soul are now one---and for the first time in my life I like who I am and I can trust that. For me that is a big deal and sharing how I got there over a life time is the only gift I have to give this community.

What I can do, I must do, and what I must do, I will do.

Peace

write4change
29th December 2011, 06:54
Apparently, I am not able to change the title of this thread. Does anyone know if that is true or not? It changed in the beginning post but not the title.

ThePythonicCow
29th December 2011, 07:02
Apparently, I am not able to change the title of this thread. Does anyone know if that is true or not? It changed in the beginning post but not the title.

Members can change the title as it appears on posts they make. The original title of an entire thread is taken from the original title of the first post that started that thread. But, as you just noticed, subsequent changes to the first post title do not change the over all thread title.

Mods and admins can change the whole thread title.

I will now change the whole thread title so that it is like your new title for post #1.

grapevine
29th December 2011, 08:15
Welcome back write4change and looking forward to reading your posts . . .

write4change
29th December 2011, 08:22
Thank you Paul that was very kind of you and I appreciate it very much.

wolf_rt
29th December 2011, 08:29
I wanted to share an exchange i had with write4change via PM.

I was concerned that w4c may be putting too much focus on money..

My PM:

Hi there write4change,

good to see you back, i really enjoyed your contributions to this site, especially the 'utopian concepts' thread.

Im not sure how to approach this, but since i saw your new thread, i have wanted to talk to you about money...

you posted this:
One small and one I believe I can make substantial money on and not for the sake of making money but to support and intentional community.

you seem to give a LOT of your energy to money.... be careful with your focus.

it's all good to want money so you can help others, but...

you will make money, if that is your focus, but how do you change your focus once you get there?
road to hell is paved with good intentions...ect...

i have NEVER seen a wealthy person who was able to change there focus once they have 'enough'. In a large part, this has lead the world to where it is today.

I don't want to lecture here... just wanted to draw your attention to something that LEAPED out of the page at me when reading your posts (old and new)...

hope i haven't offended you with this message... if you would like to discuss anything at all with me i would be delighted.

Cheers,

Her response: ( I have Highlighted a section that i felt spoke directly to my original query)

You have not offened me about money. For a long time I didn't want any and considered it the root of all evil. In the early 70s one of the few things I got from EST is that generally people have all the money they decide they can handle. I also read Think and Grow Rich at and early age and got that I could have money if that is all I wanted to think about and it wasn't.

I have been rich and poor over my life. I lost over a million dollars trying to do an intentional community from 97 to 02. I consider it a lesson in what not to do in the future. And I still feel compelled to try it again.

I also know what you mean about having enough. When I married my husband and joined the Beverly Hills scene I had a list of what I would allow myself and why. I have also had a lot of experience about manifesting money.

It was not until I came up with an entire plan of how I would do this again that the universe manifested that I was already owed half a million dollars. I offered these people a reasonable deal without going to court that would allow me to do this differently. They could not let go of their money. In fact, they saw and treated my money as their money for over ten years and giving that up is very difficult for them. This is part of a karmic play the universe wants displayed now. Fraud is fraud and these kinds of things need to be stopped and people to be accountable.

One of the things I have been taught this time is to protect myself first. If I cannot survive; I cannot empower anyone. This time those I would empower can no longer come to the communal plate empty handed.

One of the things this site needs to come to terms with is freely giving enough money to support itself and Bill Ryan so he does not have to do weird things to live. He is not greedy by any inclination I see. And not having paid mods accountable to a board of membership will play out the power and ego games forever. 2,000 people paying 5,00 a month is 10,000 a month to actually employ people including Bill to do things that serve. As long as people are not willing to go to both duty, responsiblity, and accountablilty we get power struggles and ego directed choices.

And while this leaped out at6 you, time and attention wise in what I wrote was not spent on money as I looked at it. I was specific about what I have and what I have done with it and the mistakes I have made with it because that is transparency if I am going to ask people to join an intentional community. Before it was pie in the sky, now it is only a question of when.

If this is good in your eyes--you are free to copy and paste it to the thread.

My appreciaiton for your asking and giving me a chance to answer.

Anchor
29th December 2011, 09:14
W4C I am very happy to see you back as well :)