Internet civility, do's and don't

[Flash]

I just realised a few minutes ago that I may have been somewhat insulting on the internet before and that i do not know how I did it yet and what precisely I did.

I tought to create this thread for each of us to inform other about internet civilities that should be known by all.

This may greatly help in further communications amongst us and help in avoiding misinterpretation.

If there is any specificities for any language, culture or country, those would be welcome as well. For example, I know that an e-mail directed to French from France has to have a preambule of politeness that Quebecers won't need, the latter are like American, much more direct.

Here are the posts that made me realise my lack of knowledge,


Etm567 : Someone was replying to a very long post, that began with good manners and ended with good manners, but in the middle were some statements that were very, very insulting, obviously to me at least, very deliberately insulting. A poster replied critically to that and used exclamation points. That poster was called on the carpet by the mod, because he used exclamation points, but I have to ask, did the mod really read the post the exclamation points were responding to? Really? I mean, really read it? It's hard for me to believe it. I haven't had a chance to ask the mod, but I will eventually.

Answer: Flash: Call me internet naive if you want but what means exclamation points? I know that capitals letters is screaming at someone, but what about exclamation points You see I would have used them the same way I do in regular text in books for example, being an exclamation to enhance something, name a surprise, a doubt, etc (at least in French). I may have made a mistake in my posts in the past and do not know! (lol) Tks in advance for the answer (and any other stuff that are - do not do - that I could not know about)


This was on the thread about anonimity or not on the internet: Using your real name (discussion from a David Wilcock thread)

Thank you all in advance for your participation.

[Flash]

Here one article on civility online, but I would like to have more, such as codes and all. thanks


1. Remember that there are real people on the other side of the computer.

This is so easy to forget. We see only our screen and our empty apartment; the faces of folks out there who will be reading what we write seem unreal and nebulous. But they are out there. And your words can truly wound them. So when writing something, keep this rule in mind:

2. Never say something to someone online that you wouldn’t say to the person’s face.

Perhaps the most important rule for online interactions. People level the kind of vitriol online they would assuredly never say to someone’s face. I know a website owner that sometimes figures out the phone numbers of those who leave extremely rude comments and calls them up to ask what made them say something like that. Inevitably, the confronted person, hearing the voice of a real human being, is reduced to a stammering, apologetic mess.

3. Use your real name.

This is simple: if you’re not proud enough of something to have it associated with your real name, then why are you writing it?

Yes, there are caveats to this rule–legitimate reasons for anonymity. But when typing in an alias, ask yourself why you’re doing it. Do you have a valid reason for doing so, or do you simply wish to avoid ownership of your words because they are rude?

4. Sit on it.

This is something I’ve had to learn by experience and still struggle with. You see something that makes your blood boil, you’re filled with the desire to absolutely eviscerate a person, and you furiously type out a scathing response and press send. And later you regret it.

Instead, go ahead and write out your comment to get it off your chest, but sit on it for several hours or even a day. I know it feels like you simply have to get it off your chest at that very moment, but your adrenaline and heart rate are up and you’re not thinking clearly. Give it some time and you’ll be amazed at how “I must respond!” will transform into “Eh, who cares?”


Source: xkcd.com
5. Or don’t respond at all.

Your mom was right: If you don’t have something nice to say, sometimes it’s best not to say anything at all. This is another thing I’ve learned from experience and still slip up with. I used to want to rebut every bit of criticism directed at me, but I’ve learned to choose my battles and that it’s often better not to get involved at all. Just let people do their thing. I know it’s difficult because when we feel someone is wrong, it’s so hard to let it go. We want to show people the error of their ways and change their minds.

But as sure as you are about being right, you can never win an online argument. Why? Because of something called the “backfire effect.” In this article on the effect by David McRaney, which I highly recommend reading, he explains the fact that far from changing people’s minds, threatening someone’s beliefs actually strengthens and entrenches them further. This is why I generally abstain from heated internet debates; they get you all worked up, waste your time, and go absolutely nowhere.

If you come across a discussion where you really feel like a different perspective needs to be added, just jump in and civilly state your case instead of responding directly to specific people. People are much more likely to consider your point of view when they experience it indirectly as opposed to feeling attacked.

6. Say something positive.

Studies have shown what people already know from experience: folks are more likely to make negative comments in online forums than positive ones. It makes sense; when something makes you angry, you’re much more motivated to complain about it and want to vent. McRaney explains why this is:

“A thousand positive remarks can slip by unnoticed, but one “you suck” can linger in your head for days. One hypothesis as to why this and the backfire effect happens is that you spend much more time considering information you disagree with than you do information you accept. Information which lines up with what you already believe passes through the mind like a vapor, but when you come across something which threatens your beliefs, something which conflicts with your preconceived notions of how the world works, you seize up and take notice. Some psychologists speculate there is an evolutionary explanation. Your ancestors paid more attention and spent more time thinking about negative stimuli than positive because bad things required a response. Those who failed to address negative stimuli failed to keep breathing.”

Well, I certainly want to keep breathing, but I don’t want to only respond to things that make me angry. So this is something I’ve been working on too. When I read a blog post I enjoy, I find it easy to think, “That was great,” before surfing away. So I’ve been trying to take a minute to type those thoughts out before moving on. As a blog owner myself, I know how incredibly encouraging it is to hear something positive.

How else can we cultivate civility online?

http://artofmanliness.com/2011/07/13/being-a-gentleman-in-the-age-of-the-internet-6-ways-to-bring-civility-online/

[Carmen]

Walk away from arguments. They go nowhere. If you can't be kind or say something nice. Say nothing at all. And however often you slip up, keep peace in mind. Eventually it will be your way of 'being'.