Bullied, help needed for teacher please

[Flash]

Here is the situation:

My daughter is badly bullied at school, in a very subtle manner: it is mostly verbal and sneaky bullying in her classroom.

As she is the youngest of the class and a good student despite learning disabilities due to dysphasia (others in her class are all dyslesic, which is much milder disability), therefore not agile with spoken and written words and not agile in speaking congruently fast enough, she is being badly bullied through regular nasty comments from most of the class (only 4-5 don't do it), comments that as she says "are not much by themselves, but it is the cumulation of them that is terrible mom, it is non stop, 5-10 comments a day". She is a tiny chubby (nothing when comparing to obese) and pretty but she thinks she does not worth much.

As the comments are fast and often in low tone, most teachers were not aware of it until my daughter snapped. Being a good student, the teachers were wondering what was wrong. She came back that day telling me she did not want to go back to school, that "even if I am eager to learn new stuff mom, I do not want it anymore" and she was crying. She told me that the worst is the rejection, being put alone all the time, not being able to make friends. And on and on - for example, a student came to speak to her while another one pulls that student out to stop her from speaking to my daughter saying she is ****ed up - and much more. It has been going on for 18 months and she was mostly hiding from me, not to worry me.

I forced her to go back to school the following day after she snapped because it was Christmas gift exchange (they had pulled names and ezch student was to make a gift to another one) and my daughter was the only one in the class not to receive anything. No need to tell you that when I called on the same day to tell them she could not stand the byllying anymore, they believed it.

The teachers are aware of the problem but hesitate to adress it directly.

I need ideas for teachers on how to handle such a situation.

I also need ideas for me, on an individual basis, on what to do to help my daughter. To tell the truth, I feel quite disempowered, I do not know what to do (of course I tell her how much I love her, but what else?)

Thank you all in advance for your gracious help.

Flash

ps: I did check the thread on Avalon on bullying but did not find much to help the teachers or the mom.
I do have the Blue eyes Brown eyes experiments videos and the Teen files: being the change 1-2-3 videos, thanks Avalon for this.

But I need more please, interventions have to be fast - there is suicidal ideas my daughter shared with me.

[shadowstalker]

I have no words that would help But i am sending love/healing/harmony vibes to help in the thinking process on your side.

[Unified Serenity]

Oh God Flash, my heart is breaking for your daughter. I can feel so much for her and you as her mother. I am sure she has the most beautiful and giving heart ever! I am not saying this as fluff. It's the beautiful spirits who are targeted to be crushed. I have a definite spiritual response as a mother and given charge / authority over what other spiritual influences are allowed on my children, and I use my authority and always have, to protect them. I lay hands on their heads and heart, speak protection and blessing on them. I have done this in their sleep,and I have done waking blessings in the positive so as not to instill fear in them.

That all being said, I would definitely set up a school conference with the teachers. I would change her class, and change the energy if possible. I would definitely consider home schooling. I have home schooled my children in the past. They are currently in a mixture of schools, and my son ultimately left high school to be home schooled and ended up getting his GED because of how he is wired. He scored so highly on his tests with only an official tenth grade education that when he chose to go to a technical school the officials were shocked because he could get into any college he wanted with full scholarships. He does not want to go to university and I support him. He is a highly gifted musician and is learning to repair automobiles and work with engines. I just want him to be happy.

I say all this because being supported at home is the most important thing. I will do Hooponono for her. Let me do it here for you as well from my heart to yours. I am truly sorry for this wrong, please forgive me. I love you both dearly and pray for your best in healing and success. Thank you for allowing me to do this.

Much love,

Serenity

[Carmen]

Flash, to me it comes down to the 'culture' of the school. I would approach this problem at the principal and school board level, or whatever equivalent you have in America. Until parents kick up a serious fuss about the this insidious problem it will continue to be!

Don't stand for it! The teacher needs to stop this and have a firm directive and backup of her/his principal and board to do so. Is there a possibility of sending her to a different school if you get no satisfactory responses from her present school regarding this problem?

I have four grandchildren attending high school this year. Two go to what I would call the conventional high school and two go to the Catholic school. My family are not religious. The catholic school was chosen because of it culture! They all look out for each other! The school is like a big family. Not having had any connection to this school previous I have been delighted with it. The conventional school seems to to be much more separatists and I don't see my granddaughter that attend that school enjoying it in particular, just marking time till they leave. It is a single sex school. My granddaughter who attend the catholic school are bright but quite chubby girls. It is a mixed sex school. I did worry slightly how these country kids would get on there, but man they have flown and have been very well accepted.

I feel very sorry for your little daughter and you. Bullying is just awful and such a cowardly thing. It has to be dealt with.

Love to you and you daughter

Carmen

[Flash]

You cannot imagine how much both your words touch me. Definitly needed. I would also lay hand on her, good idea Unified Serenity.

I can't homeschool being a single mother I need to work to put food on the table. I thought of changing her class, but it is a small school for learning disabled that are mostly deeply dyslexic, and few classes of the same levels, and they all work together across classes. Changing school could be detrimental because she is surrounded by specialists and she has wondeful teachers.

I forgot to tell that she was so good in primary school that they made her jump one year upon arrival in high school, so that she would not loose time if she decide to go to College (which in itself would be a miracle, most dysphasics do not even end up primary schooling). She is also a musician and singer, this is her passion and it does help her.

I am fine with Hoopoonoo, any time, thanks.

thanks Carmen, i am in Canada and she goes to a special school for learning disabled (with normal intelligence and supposedly no behavior problems). The teacher is listening to me, I just do not know how equipped she is to do anything worth it while not putting my daughter more into rejection from the students. I need to equip the teacher, that is what I feel. Thanks

[crosby]

hi Flash. my heart is with you right now. one of my daughters' has been through the same thing. bullying should be stopped before it leads to an extremely unhealthy situation. when my 19 year old daughter was in high school, she was bullied daily by another girl whom had broken up my daughter and her boyfriend. my daughter was subsequently diagnosed with major depression. and had twice tried to commit suicide. the other girl was actually pushing her to follow through and 'get it right'...... she told my daughter: "why don't you get it right this time. open a vein, you are a loser." we pulled the school psychologist and the school counselors in and the other girl and the girls' mother. nothing was accomplished as everything that occurred was not taken as seriously as it should have been. i pulled my daughter out of school for the last 6 weeks of her senior year and had her homebound schooled. it was an awful situation. and it still is going on. we have taken legal action now. we have no other recourse but to take it too the court systems. we have filed for a PFA. i don't know if it will help.

if i were you, i would have all of the parents pulled in and make the school system answer for this situation. do not let them pass it off as kids just pranking around. it may very well get entirely out of hand if it isn't taken care of soon.
my heart goes out too you. if i can help at all, please pm me and i will do all that i can for you.
warmest regards, corson

[Siberia9]

What a horrible situation. The only thing that I can say is that for myself, I would NEVER allow my daughter to be schooled outside of my house and this is but one example of why. The whole govt indoctrination center experience is just one form or another of mind rape and brain washing. You expose them to so many possible ways to be damaged by these idiots that it is simply not an option for me. I control what goes into head, and what life experience's she user's to understand the world she is in. The result is she is very happy and only knows that walking away and over to me or her mother is all she needs to do when the idiots say or do what she deems negative. Her Martial arts training will begin soon at the age of six, this will be as close to a school that she will experience, under my watchful eye of course. I guess my point is that I have decided not to allow this type of victimization into our lives, a conscious decision to stand on a position of strength. Its only going to get worse as she goes through this system so I hope you find a way to change your options. I hope you will choose not to experience this anymore Flash its not healthy.

[EsmaEverheart]

Flash,

My heart goes out to you and your daughter. I had a similiar problem with my son when he was in school. Feel free to PM me. I can tell you loads of things I had to so for my son.

[1inMany]

Wow. I understand... All three of my daughters have been victims of bullying at school, one is classified special education and is quite heavy because of medications, one is quite tiny and has always had anxiety, and the third used to be quite timid but has learned to outsmart them-she is a little chunky and a bookworm. The kids usually wanted to handle things themselves, and I supported that until such time as I did not support that any more. I am also a teacher, choosing to stay home for a while, and special education is my certification, working usually with kids who were...fragile but quite rough on the outside. As a teacher, I made up a list of classroom expectations. As a class we all discussed it, and anyone that agreed with the expectations signed the paper. I hung it up in a very conspicuous place. That stopped a lot of crappy behaviors before they even started. I think I explained to the class that I wanted this to be a safe place for all of my students, and I think I even asked them for some ideas of what to put on the list. They, themselves, came up with things like "no put-downs"... When they had a part in creating the safe environment, they made it so.

I also believe very strongly in a restorative justice system. I have decided I no longer believe in bullying, per se, that I believe in the existence of cruelty but that I don't like giving something so nasty - something that destroys fragile self-esteem and even the strongest of families- a cute and politically correct buzzword. Sorry, that's just one of my soapboxes. Restorative justice, in this case, would mean that first and foremost anyone who causes injury to another other human being must accept responsibility for that injury. Step 1 is seeing that a behavior (cause) has caused harm to someone else (effect). Step 2 is taking responsibility for that action (stating in one's own words why the behavior was a problem). Step 3 is making amends for the injury (effect). So, someone talked during a lesson...that behavior caused the teacher to stop teaching and devote time to correcting a problem, it also caused the entire class to stop their learning for the same reason. Step 1 asking the child him/herself why interrupting class is a problem. Step 2 Student taking responsibility for the problem caused. Step 3 How to make amends? Couple of ideas- 1-apologize to the teacher, and then to the class, for causing them all to wait for him/her to correct his own behavior, 2-have the student do something that restores the class to safe...make a poster about listening perhaps. This is extremely powerful for bullying. Apparently, in this day and age, no one makes a child take ownership of hurting another. No one asks a child to figure out why put-downs are a problem in the first place. And, no one ever asks a child to make amends. These methods DO work. I assure you. If your teachers are receptive, that will fix the problem.

Unfortunately, too many times teachers are not receptive to the ideas of parents (speaking from a parent's perspective now). So, I have also used the big guns. There is a school or district bullying policy in writing somewhere. Find it, copy it, and get to know it personally. Ask them what they are doing to follow this policy, and do all of this in writing. If you can't find it, ask the school for a copy.

I'm not sure where you are located, but in the United States there are federal laws that protect children with special needs and challenges. You may need to "force" the teachers to put a stop to it immediately by reminding the school and the teachers of these laws. Every child has a right to a Free and Appropriate Public Education, commonly referred to as F.A.P.E. It has been my long and extensive experience with schools, that using that term gets the attention of those who make the decisions, the ones who do not want you to go above their heads to solve problems. Obviously, if the school cannot control the bullying, they are not able to provide your child with F.A.P.E., and in writing make that statement to them. Ask them for a response, in writing, as to their explanation of their failure to do so. Also, I have found this statement to be quite powerful: "It is my hope this problem can be solved at the campus level." This is a nice way of letting the school know you are serious.

As far as ideas for your daughter...sigh. My daughters each are extremely sensitive in their own ways. None of them, the first year of being bullied, would stand up for themselves and they became withdrawn, depressed, and sometimes did refuse to go to school. I told them all the same things...you are beautiful, you are smart, blah blah blah...all the right things from a parent seem to fall right under all the wrong things from their peers. But, my bookworm has evolved into quite the formidable force - if some one makes fun of her for reading books, she tells them "it's just too bad you will never make it through high school, being illiterate and all." Or, if someone bullies a special ed kid in her class, she says "aw, that's so sad. Is that the only way you can make yourself feel worth anything is to pick on people? I feel so bad for you." Remember, she says these things with quite the attitude.

There are only 2 things that helped my kids, but there are 2. Hopefully, you will find something that works for yours. First, a special relationship with a teacher...a special responsibility...that no one else is really qualified for. One daughter used to take the teacher's notes to the office-giving the teacher a moment to get onto the rest of the class for something, and making her feel special - and the notes were usually folded up blank pieces of paper. The other thing was explaining how truly miserable these other kids are, way down deep inside...reminding them that all three of my girls were bullied-one for being "too small", one for being "psycho" for taking medicine & also for being "fat," and one for being a "bookworm." In other words, bullies will make fun of other kids regardless of their physical stature or abilities. Truly. Someone's too normal, too tall, too short...doesn't matter. Oh-one more thing in closing...it did help for them to practice comebacks, even though they didn't truly buy into what they were saying...like, Bully: "You read too much" CB: "Aw, thank you for noticing, I'm flattered." Bully: "You must be a retard, you can't read." CB: "If I can be as smart as you some day, who will you make fun of then?" The reason this helps is because bullies keep bullying because they have an effect...if a child can pretend they don't care, the bully sometimes stops and moves onto another target.

I hope you find even the smallest bit of info here that can help you. Please PM if you'd like.

Much Love,
1inMany

[Unified Serenity]

Home schooling is very hard to do when one has small children and is a single parent. It really only takes about 4 hours a day and can be done in the evening. There is almost never any homework. Florida has an incredible homeschooling system and the teachers are extremely attentive. It's all done online through FLVS.com, and I believe people from other states can use it.

Of course you can do your own system from home which I did for my sons first grade. He excelled in it and we the best reader in all of his classes. He was reading and writing on a college level in the 6th grade, that was if I could get him to do his work. He's just not wired for traditional schooling. If you have family or friends who can help watch her while you work, you could try home schooling. Some countries treat home schooling very differently than they do here in America. We have had to fight hard to keep this right, but for the most part if you keep proper notes and progress reports then the authorities leave you alone. The old idea that home schooled children are poorly socialized does not wash anymore. I do think there was a problem in the early days because the kids just did not know how to interact and often had zero social skills, but today there are wonderful networks to get the children together for events and outings. You can still sign your child up for school sports, art, and music if you want to do that.

I would definitely bring the seriousness of the damage being done to their attention at school, but I would not mention or focus on the suicide aspect because that could open to door for family services to come in and "evaluate" the home life and then you have a whole new kettle of wax to deal with. Sorry for the long post, but I have studied extensively on parent's rights in school choice and vaccinations. None of my children were vaccinated and they managed to go to daycare and public school with no problems. It was not until my ex put them in Catholic school they had to get vaccinated, but precautions were taken, and I shall continue to try to wipe out the effects of that via chelation. Sorry, not wanting to derail thread talking about vaccines.

Flash stand strong for your daughter. Talk to her and reaffirm her beauty, your love, and that these children who are picking on her are doing so out of hard hearts, meanness and if the attention is on her then they will be left alone. It does not make it right, but it might make her understand group dynamics. Let her know they are wrong, she does not need to believe anything they say. She has a special purpose in this world and those kids are not worth her time or hurt. There are some great internet videos designed for gays who think life is too hard and want to commit suicide. These are older gays who made it through and share how much better life gets after school.

There might be some on bullying. If not, use some of the gay one's to show her that they were picked on horribly and their lives got better. Lots of hugs too for her, which I am sure you are doing.

Much much love to you both!

Serenity

[Khaleesi]

Flash,

I was bullied in school so I can tell you from your daughter's perspective you are doing all the right things! Showing her that you love, support and most importantly, believe her are the greatest things you can do! I will not go into what happened to me as a child. This is about your daughter. I will say, my father found out about a particular incident and went straight to the principal. It was taken very seriously. The principal actually came to my classroom, sat down and told the whole class in no uncertain terms that this would stop or students would be expelled. There was a lot of resentment and excuses, but it stopped. This can lead to isolation but you can help her find different friends outside of school to alleviate that problem. Push the teachers and principal to get actively involved! You are doing a great job and I admire your strength!

much love and respect,
Khaleesi

[Unified Serenity]

1inMany may I say you have earned my hero button for the day! Well done, and absolutely spot on advice! I loved your classroom contract, they are extremely useful.

Terrific post! Actually, Flash I'd print it out and do the things 1inMany has said, and also give a copy of pertinent parts to her teacher as in "from another teacher". You could even just give this to the Principal and say, this might help......

Serenity

[The Arthen]

What is the bloody USELESS teacher doing???

Sometimes, even when the bullies are KIDS - you have to intercept their "bully mojo", in a sense.

Sometimes simply banging your fist and screaming at them DOES help.

I know this sounds like male baboon bull****, but when all else fails.....it DOES help.

Of course I do not suggest hitting the bullies at all.

Sometimes you just have to prove your point when love and healing falls on deaf ears, but in this case the bullies are still kids.

I will not tell you how great you are by how much love you give your kid, because I know that will never change.

The point is.....bullies sometimes DO need to be dealt with. Not by violence, but by shaming.

[Unified Serenity]

What is the bloody USELESS teacher doing???

Sometimes, even when the bullies are KIDS - you have to intercept their "bully mojo", in a sense.

Sometimes simply banging your fist and screaming at them DOES help.

I know this sounds like male baboon bull****, but when all else fails.....it DOES help.

Of course I do not suggest hitting the bullies at all.

Sometimes you just have to prove your point when love and healing falls on deaf ears, but in this case the bullies are still kids.

I will not tell you how great you are by how much love you give your kid, because I know that will never change.

The point is.....bullies sometimes DO need to be dealt with. Not by violence, but by shaming.

That could get you arrested, and open the door for family services. I suggest 1inMany's methods first.

[1inMany]

The Restorative Justice approach allows the bully to feel quite embarrassed...as well he/she should. Eventually, it just isn't any fun to bully.


added: and, don't get me started on the underlying issues of the bullies and how society should go about dealing with those...

[Lifebringer]

Is it hard to find special schools there that address your daughter ailment? If not, i suggest a public school that allows for the disability, but the children are of a understanding that all are under some sort of hardship and are taught that bullying will not be tolerated. Sometimes the private teachers are not gonna risk alienating other parents and just look out for their job, when the child's distress is ignored. I took my son out after he attended a sports event at(" Kennedy High") and a bullet fromthe other teams spectators whizzed by his head. I put him in the Job corp to allow hime to diploma and obtain a trrade. But in Your daughters case, I would allow her exposure to more welcoming students that understand and leave these weak schools alone. We are the only protection our children have and thier ability to learn, must be moved to the utmost importance. i didn't listen one time and there were more of the same, only progressively worse. Now if you don't seek another school the protection of your child is at stake.

You can address the superintendent to speak about bullying in school, depending on his schedule, or let them at the school know, it could also happen to other children and withdraw your child.

I hope I have been of assistance as I have raised 9. 6 of my own and 3 step children. I am African American and used to be middle class, so I know the stigmas in some small towns also.

Children come first, you could move to another district, and give your child the safety of another school start away from the continued humiliatory circumstances of the students in the current school.

God speed on you quest for protection of your childs confidence in life.

[Flash]

Wow. I understand... All three of my daughters have been victims of bullying at school, one is classified special education and is quite heavy because of medications, one is quite tiny and has always had anxiety, and the third used to be quite timid but has learned to outsmart them-she is a little chunky and a bookworm. The kids usually wanted to handle things themselves, and I supported that until such time as I did not support that any more. I am also a teacher, choosing to stay home for a while, and special education is my certification, working usually with kids who were...fragile but quite rough on the outside. As a teacher, I made up a list of classroom expectations. As a class we all discussed it, and anyone that agreed with the expectations signed the paper. I hung it up in a very conspicuous place. That stopped a lot of crappy behaviors before they even started. I think I explained to the class that I wanted this to be a safe place for all of my students, and I think I even asked them for some ideas of what to put on the list. They, themselves, came up with things like "no put-downs"... When they had a part in creating the safe environment, they made it so.

I also believe very strongly in a restorative justice system. I have decided I no longer believe in bullying, per se, that I believe in the existence of cruelty but that I don't like giving something so nasty - something that destroys fragile self-esteem and even the strongest of families- a cute and politically correct buzzword. Sorry, that's just one of my soapboxes. Restorative justice, in this case, would mean that first and foremost anyone who causes injury to another other human being must accept responsibility for that injury. Step 1 is seeing that a behavior (cause) has caused harm to someone else (effect). Step 2 is taking responsibility for that action (stating in one's own words why the behavior was a problem). Step 3 is making amends for the injury (effect). So, someone talked during a lesson...that behavior caused the teacher to stop teaching and devote time to correcting a problem, it also caused the entire class to stop their learning for the same reason. Step 1 asking the child him/herself why interrupting class is a problem. Step 2 Student taking responsibility for the problem caused. Step 3 How to make amends? Couple of ideas- 1-apologize to the teacher, and then to the class, for causing them all to wait for him/her to correct his own behavior, 2-have the student do something that restores the class to safe...make a poster about listening perhaps. This is extremely powerful for bullying. Apparently, in this day and age, no one makes a child take ownership of hurting another. No one asks a child to figure out why put-downs are a problem in the first place. And, no one ever asks a child to make amends. These methods DO work. I assure you. If your teachers are receptive, that will fix the problem.

Unfortunately, too many times teachers are not receptive to the ideas of parents (speaking from a parent's perspective now). So, I have also used the big guns. There is a school or district bullying policy in writing somewhere. Find it, copy it, and get to know it personally. Ask them what they are doing to follow this policy, and do all of this in writing. If you can't find it, ask the school for a copy.

I'm not sure where you are located, but in the United States there are federal laws that protect children with special needs and challenges. You may need to "force" the teachers to put a stop to it immediately by reminding the school and the teachers of these laws. Every child has a right to a Free and Appropriate Public Education, commonly referred to as F.A.P.E. It has been my long and extensive experience with schools, that using that term gets the attention of those who make the decisions, the ones who do not want you to go above their heads to solve problems. Obviously, if the school cannot control the bullying, they are not able to provide your child with F.A.P.E., and in writing make that statement to them. Ask them for a response, in writing, as to their explanation of their failure to do so. Also, I have found this statement to be quite powerful: "It is my hope this problem can be solved at the campus level." This is a nice way of letting the school know you are serious.

As far as ideas for your daughter...sigh. My daughters each are extremely sensitive in their own ways. None of them, the first year of being bullied, would stand up for themselves and they became withdrawn, depressed, and sometimes did refuse to go to school. I told them all the same things...you are beautiful, you are smart, blah blah blah...all the right things from a parent seem to fall right under all the wrong things from their peers. But, my bookworm has evolved into quite the formidable force - if some one makes fun of her for reading books, she tells them "it's just too bad you will never make it through high school, being illiterate and all." Or, if someone bullies a special ed kid in her class, she says "aw, that's so sad. Is that the only way you can make yourself feel worth anything is to pick on people? I feel so bad for you." Remember, she says these things with quite the attitude.

There are only 2 things that helped my kids, but there are 2. Hopefully, you will find something that works for yours. First, a special relationship with a teacher...a special responsibility...that no one else is really qualified for. One daughter used to take the teacher's notes to the office-giving the teacher a moment to get onto the rest of the class for something, and making her feel special - and the notes were usually folded up blank pieces of paper. The other thing was explaining how truly miserable these other kids are, way down deep inside...reminding them that all three of my girls were bullied-one for being "too small", one for being "psycho" for taking medicine & also for being "fat," and one for being a "bookworm." In other words, bullies will make fun of other kids regardless of their physical stature or abilities. Truly. Someone's too normal, too tall, too short...doesn't matter. Oh-one more thing in closing...it did help for them to practice comebacks, even though they didn't truly buy into what they were saying...like, Bully: "You read too much" CB: "Aw, thank you for noticing, I'm flattered." Bully: "You must be a retard, you can't read." CB: "If I can be as smart as you some day, who will you make fun of then?" The reason this helps is because bullies keep bullying because they have an effect...if a child can pretend they don't care, the bully sometimes stops and moves onto another target.

I hope you find even the smallest bit of info here that can help you. Please PM if you'd like.

Much Love,
1inMany

"I hope you find even the smallest bit of info here that can help you" are you kidding me? If you do not mind, I will copy paste your whole post and send it to the teachers and to the school director. These ideas are outstanding.

I am presently building a file and sending it to the direction and teachers to help them solve the problem. All ideas are welcome. I decided that I would bombard them with help. So they will have to do something and I will be entitled to ask for commitment, results and description of action taken.


Siberia 9: I hope you will choose not to experience this anymore Flash its not healthy

I am quite aware of the unhealthy situation. Yours is young, mine is now a teenager. The worst part she says is the exclusion from the group being cultivated through nastiness throughout the day.
As I can't homeschool, I have to find other solutions. As for what is being put into her mind, you are quite right, I had to work all those years to undo some of the wrong inputs that would show up through comments of hers (I used NLP to undo the damages - this tool can be used positively or negatively - mostly around beliefs, and other tools) but this situation got out of control. At this point, more is needed. I had achieve to get her through primary school with all her self confidence even if leaning disabled, and the last year destroyed it.
I do keep in mind the unhealtiness of the situation, thanks for your concern and to remind me.



Unified Serenity: I would definitely bring the seriousness of the damage being done to their attention at school, but I would not mention or focus on the suicide aspect because that could open to door for family services to come in and "evaluate" the home life and then you have a whole new kettle of wax to deal with. Sorry for the long post, but I have studied extensively on parent's rights in school choice and vaccinations. None of my children were vaccinated and they managed to go to daycare and public school with no problems. It was not until my ex put them in Catholic school they had to get vaccinated, but precautions were taken, and I shall continue to try to wipe out the effects of that via chelation. Sorry, not wanting to derail thread talking about vaccines.


Thanks Unified Serenity, I will definilty check the law here in Canada and in Quebec and use it when needed (I should know it much in advance to plan the strategy though, so thanks, I would not have thought of it).

And oops, too late for the suicidal thoughts, they already know. If youth protection shows up, I have to turn it into an advantage (maybe squiz free psychologist). Thanks, I will plan that as well.


Khaleesi: The principal actually came to my classroom, sat down and told the whole class in no uncertain terms that this would stop or students would be expelled. There was a lot of resentment and excuses, but it stopped.

I may ask them to do this. Thanks. It is sublte and is working through exclusion of my daughter.

That is what has to be adressed, this whole request of mine to all of you makes me think much further, this was needed. thanks.


The Arthen: The point is.....bullies sometimes DO need to be dealt with. Not by violence, but by shaming.

I totally agree with this. HOwever, in Canada and more in Quebec, you have this belief that one has to be "politically correct" and that good is in everybody and they will not intervene strongly. This is what made Canada's reputation but it is also to the detriment of victim of violent behavior. I will have to insist and be strong on it.

[Carmen]

The Arthens approach is typically a red blooded man's one. Love it! Made me giggle. Sometimes a bit of passion is needed. We are soo politically correct nowadays that everyone's approach becomes very wishy washy. He cared enough to post.

I agree, 1inMany, your advice is excellent. An agreement decided upon by the children, for the children, written down and displayed for all to see and referred to often is a superb approach. A code of conduct produces a sense of pride in the whole classroom. Not sure if that is exactly as she stated, but something similar.

Also Flash, your daughter musical talent is a source of pleasure and empowerment. I know my own granddaughter's guitar and singing talent affords her much admiration and encouragement from her peers.

[New Dawn]

How sad. I'm really sorry to hear this. Show her this message, as a start perhaps? This is directly to your daughter...

I know what its like to be bullied, I too was at school for a while. When you're different in any way from the way you look, talk, or the music you listen to etc.

You are more special than you know.

People bully other people to make themselves feel better, plain and simple. The worst thing you can do is change your life because of them, because you are giving your power away.

I wish I could offer a quick solution, but I hope you understand that what I am telling you is the truth - You are more special than you know....and there are thousands of people who are going through exactly the same thing, so you are not alone.

Stay unique, and between you and your mum, you will find a way to end it....

[TigaHawk]

Here is the situation:

My daughter is badly bullied at school, in a very subtle manner: it is mostly verbal and sneaky bullying in her classroom.

As she is the youngest of the class and a good student despite learning disabilities due to dysphasia (others in her class are all dyslesic, which is much milder disability), therefore not agile with spoken and written words and not agile in speaking congruently fast enough, she is being badly bullied through regular nasty comments from most of the class (only 4-5 don't do it), comments that as she says "are not much by themselves, but it is the cumulation of them that is terrible mom, it is non stop, 5-10 comments a day". She is a tiny chubby (nothing when comparing to obese) and pretty but she thinks she does not worth much.

As the comments are fast and often in low tone, most teachers were not aware of it until my daughter snapped. Being a good student, the teachers were wondering what was wrong. She came back that day telling me she did not want to go back to school, that "even if I am eager to learn new stuff mom, I do not want it anymore" and she was crying. She told me that the worst is the rejection, being put alone all the time, not being able to make friends. And on and on - for example, a student came to speak to her while another one pulls that student out to stop her from speaking to my daughter saying she is ****ed up - and much more. It has been going on for 18 months and she was mostly hiding from me, not to worry me.

I forced her to go back to school the following day after she snapped because it was Christmas gift exchange (they had pulled names and ezch student was to make a gift to another one) and my daughter was the only one in the class not to receive anything. No need to tell you that when I called on the same day to tell them she could not stand the byllying anymore, they believed it.

The teachers are aware of the problem but hesitate to adress it directly.

I need ideas for teachers on how to handle such a situation.

I also need ideas for me, on an individual basis, on what to do to help my daughter. To tell the truth, I feel quite disempowered, I do not know what to do (of course I tell her how much I love her, but what else?)

Thank you all in advance for your gracious help.

Flash

ps: I did check the thread on Avalon on bullying but did not find much to help the teachers or the mom.
I do have the Blue eyes Brown eyes experiments videos and the Teen files: being the change 1-2-3 videos, thanks Avalon for this.

But I need more please, interventions have to be fast - there is suicidal ideas my daughter shared with me.

I can compare with the bullying, unfortunately i dont think that when push comes to shove the school will do anything untill push has allready turned to shove and there is an issue (ie she snaps or somenoe else snaps hits her, etc) due to how touchy people are these days.

My mum tried head on with the parent of a child that was bullying me. It's like they're incapable of seeing any faults within themselves, like they are perfect with no possible fault. "My daughter? She'd never do that! you'rs is lying and if they continue to spread such lies i'll be talking to the principal about slandar and harasment from yourself" or the sorts. They honest to god cannot comprehend the thought that them, or their offspring could possibly do something wrong or bad.

I was moved schools in 2nd grade to avoid being physically beaten. Fresh starts dont help. You're daughter, is literaly a magnet to that stuff. Why? Confidance. Kids can see that very very well.

Catch 22.

If i diddnt go thru all the crap that i did when i was a kid, i would not be who i am today. I would not probably not be so against those things becuase i would not have experienced first hand what its like to be on the arse end of what they're doing. I would not be able to take a step back and go ok - this is my story and reasons behind what im doing, and that person over there, they're doing this because of that caused by that.


The only thing i can suggest is trying (im pretty sure my mum tried too, but there may be a forcefield around a child's head that refuzes to let this kinda stuff in) - its school, tho it seems like you're entire life revolves around it now, it wont be that long till you're out of there, able to drive a car and make you're own decisions. The people that are doing the bullying generaly never grow up. If your'e allowed to take you're child to you're work - and you have one of those classic "dolly birds/boys" working for you (My definition of a Dolly Bird/boy is a young but pretty woman/man that got their job purely from their looks/buttkissing - when it comes to actualy working, or having a clue/understanding of life outside of a fashion magazine its like watching bricks try to fly) - and let her know a large number of the people bullying you will end up like this. Visualy appeasing yes, good for anythign else, including holding a conversation with? no.

goodluck!

[Unified Serenity]

You know Flash, your daughter is not the only child going through this, and now I feel compelled to copy 1inMany's post and email it to every local Principal here in my city. I think most do care very much. Many teachers are overwhelmed, have become disillusioned and have lost control to the mob mentality in our culture and schools. They need our support.

1inMany do I have your permission to just copy and paste this to emails? There is also a school program that is amazing and has incredible results that work very well. I got it from the gratitude movement. It's all about dealing with peer pressure and communicating. The video is priceless.. let me go dig it up. I'll post it as soon as I find it.

[modwiz]

Follow most bullies home and chances are you will find the source and problem. I recommend sterilization because euthanasia is not an option. Bad seeds produce bad fruit. This planet needs cleaning up.

The above is only partially true, obviously. The longer answer is just not flowing out of me now.

The trip to the bullies home is not a partial truth.

[Ria]

If you can home educate. what your daughter is learning is the art of bullying. teachers do not always see the situation or what is going behind backs or closed doors it has grown to epidemic proportions, it is woven into the media, tv, work place, and so on. It can also affect her health in this case move her. I have seen teachers bully to. from a legal stand point L Sid would be the one to ask regarding the most effective way to get cooperation, if your not getting the right help from them, also poor handling can make it worse for your child.
This is most serious as I nearly lost my own child over this the affects can last some time..... years..........
You have my blessing

[seko]

I'm with you Flash and your daughter on this and with anybody else that has been bullied. I'm actually angry now that I am reading your thread cause I was bullied as well.
Unfortunately I as a man, had no choice but to fight and stand my ground even though the other guy was way bigger and taller than me.....but guess what, in the middle of the fight which I was loosing, I just punched him once in the nose and he started bleeding a lot and that was the end of me been bullied and respect came to me from everyone at school.

I don't like violence and don't suggest anyone should use it, but it was the only thing that I could do, cause teachers could not be my bodyguards.

Stand your ground as a mother and talk to anybody that you have to in order to fix this bullying crap! Don't take no for an answer!

Your situation as a working single mother doesn't help, but that's what it is, what other options have you got Flash?? She should study music or something else where she can go with a few students in a more family friendly environment.

Got to go, but I will think of more options for you Flash.

Lots of love to both of you my dear friend......you'll never walk alone!!

[1inMany]

Please-anyone who wants to use any part of that is more than welcome. Truly. I wrote a more formal "proposal" of sorts a few months ago when I was trying to come up with some alternatives to this current mess tptb/tptw call Education. Not sure how to get it to you though, UnifiedSerenity.

added: My daughters are now in college, high school, and middle school. My two bonus children are grown and are working on families of their own as well-the older daughter is in a Masters program for Voice :) My high schooler came home with the dilemma, not long ago, as to whether she was going to "kick this girl's a**" or have hers kicked. She decided, ultimately, that if this other person initiated no further contact, she would leave it alone. She agrees with my approach that absolutely no violence is acceptable unless you are in a life or death situation, and kicking arses is not life or death. However, it is she who pointed out to me that "snitches get stitches." This is what led me to brainstorm alternatives to what is going on now.

[Unified Serenity]

I can't find the video site I wanted to find. I was involved in a weekly gratitude program (no it was not court ordered...snickers) and one would be from a more positive energy area and the next would deal with a more negative energy center. There were videos involved that helped illustrate things and I have been looking for that particular video page, some of you may have done this same program. I thought it was the gogratitude.com program, but now I don't think that was it.

The videos had a test to count how many times the people in white bounced the basketball and passed it, another one was elephants painting, another was a girls softball team carrying an opponent over the bases (real tear jerker that was), and another video that I wanted to share here was about how a school anti-bullying program was very successful as it was student led but facillitated by the program people. Since I could not find that one, maybe your daughter will find something in this because not everyone is mean and selfish and there are good people in the world.... there are lots of inspiring videos on youtube and maybe she would like to see some good in people:

yaXVk5GBx-s

[Sierra]

Flash,

I am so upset to hear this. I am in a rage. Snappy comebacks really help. Maybe your daughter could memorize a few? The other thing that worked for me, is to just look at the bullies with respectful but pitying contempt if that makes sense.

Being deaf was much easier I think. I didn't have to hear most of the crap.

My sister is a school teacher too and yes, student contracts signed and posted is the way to go. Perhaps after a blue eyes / brown eyes exercise (with your daughter in the non-bullied group, please).

Another thing they did, once a day, is have a circle, where children would work through their issues with each other, I kid you not. And it was the kind of learning that served them well through ensuing grades (she taught primary and middle school).

Tell your daughter she is absolutely right when she says, " Life is beautiful pain. Who knows! You can find beauty thanks to your pain. Never give up. Keep digging in that dark hole. Cause you will find light at the end."

She will, she will, she will. And the bullies won't.

Sierra, squashing your daughter fiercely (and you too Flash) :hug:

[Arrowwind]

Why not is the student being bullied and the bully and all the parents/teachers meeting in conference?
and why are these bully students being told in the above scenario that no bullying will be tolerated?
How about inflicting a little shame for shameful deeds?
and letting all the parents know what the reality is and every time a bullying incident is reported the parents of the bully must leave work and come in to address it? and why is the bully not staying after school to write 1000 times on the black board I will not bully or face explusion?
We didn't have bullying issues when I was growing up. It it happend the above is what happened.

[eaglespirit]

I Love You People here : ) Great reaching out...
Fantastic "hands on" suggestions from 1inMany...I am sure You will follow through Flash...I Wish You and Your Daughter the Best.

The 'bullies' need to be made fully accountable, live and in living color!
I do think the school and teachers will take action if You take firm action and show Your new knowledge, Flash.

And Modwiz is 'right on'...the 'bullies' have upbringing issues that usually will NOT be corrected in their homes because that is where it originates!

[1inMany]

When my high school daughter was being drawn in to a physical altercation, which never occurred, and I might add she has never been in one fyi, I drove up because it was time to pick her up to go home. I watched another student saying things to my daughter like, "you can kiss my n***er a** you m**f** b**." She was speaking to my daughter's back, as my daughter was talking to a couple of friends. As I saw my daughter about to lose it, and plant her feet firmly, I opened the window and shouted for her to come on. The girl kept at it and kept at it, as I was watching, and as she was watching me. Finally, I told her to put a cork in it. She then began to threaten me. About that time, my daughter got into our car, and I was about to drive away, flabbergasted actually, the girl went to (apparently) her car and began a quick, very loud conversation with (apparently) her own mother. The mother screeched in front of me and began to tell me about what would happen if I ever spoke to her daughter again. (About this time I'm wondering what the hell is happening, I am so taken aback.) I calmly told her that I would like to let her know what was going on, and she would have none of that. She promptly followed me around the parking lot, head out the window, drawing all kinds of attention, blocking me in numerous times.

With the world the way it is at this moment, sometimes a conference with the parents and administrators is not the solution. The apple does not fall far from the tree. And it is increasingly difficult for me to locate any other people at all that are even on the path to enlightenment - even know which direction it is. This is only my opinion, and only my life experience. I am not disagreeing with anyone at all, as we all have different perspectives.

Ok, I can't help it...I have to say that if we follow the bullies home, we would find bigger bullies and much neglect (among many other things.) That's why gangs are so rampant. Well, I cannot speak for the whole world, but I can speak for my little corner. Many of my students belonged to the Crips, Bloods, and Latin Kings. There was absolutely NO gang related activity in my classroom, and all were important and valuable members of the team. They each had younger buddies to mentor, and were in my leadership program. They respected me, they respected each other, and they respected the environment. Every single one of them - and I mean every single one - wished they had never joined, but did so for either personal protection or to have a family. Very sad. Hopefully kids won't feel this necessary in the near future.

[Flash]

Why not is the student being bullied and the bully and all the parents/teachers meeting in conference?
and why are these bully students being told in the above scenario that no bullying will be tolerated?
How about inflicting a little shame for shameful deeds?
and letting all the parents know what the reality is and every time a bullying incident is reported the parents of the bully must leave work and come in to address it? and why is the bully not staying after school to write 1000 times on the black board I will not bully or face explusion?
We didn't have bullying issues when I was growing up. It it happend the above is what happened.

Thanks Arrowind, I sent your post to the teacher/school principal as well. Thanks


Sierra: My sister is a school teacher too and yes, student contracts signed and posted is the way to go. Perhaps after a blue eyes / brown eyes exercise (with your daughter in the non-bullied group, please).

Another thing they did, once a day, is have a circle, where children would work through their issues with each other, I kid you not. And it was the kind of learning that served them well through ensuing grades (she taught primary and middle school).


This is being sent as well Sierra. I will review with the school all your ideas and demand action and feedback. thanks for helping me.

Unified Serenity, the video is included in my package to the school (i will search for some in French for the students) Thanks

Many, your posts are in a long e-mail to the school as a very good suggestion. Thanks

Seko, women fight with their spitful tongues. And there is the problem, mine can't. I will find a way.

Spiritual shielding will ber suggested to her as well.

Thanks tiggahawk and Eagle Spirit for your support as well.

[1inMany]

Oh, Flash, I don't know why I didn't think of this before! Your daughter has been victimized, so I bet she would feel so much stronger to deal with these issues if she got her power back. Empowerment - could be a crystal pendant to wear, martial arts class...anything. Just a last minute add :)

[Unified Serenity]

It is precisely because people will NOT stand up for truth because it upsets their peace paradigm that the bullies have taken over. Those willing to stand up get shouted down. They get called negative, racist, bigots, zealots and any sundry of names by those who just want to live in a happy go lucky peaceful world.

Taking a deep breath. It's gotten so bad that to stand up now in public one takes their life in their hand. Thugs don't respect laws, and some people gather in groups. Stand up for yourself and you get attacked by the likes of a pack of wolves who have been emboldended by the cowering masses. Now, stand up one on one and watch how fast they back down, but once they feel their "friends" behind them they blow up their chests and shout you down.

It really only takes one to truly stand up for truth and for the scared mass to join together in solidarity because in truth most people are not evil and mean spirited, they are just cowed into silence. We outnumber the bullies and they know it, but nowadays who the hell stands up to them?

QuiaEpsOck4

[1inMany]

ME, that's who...ROAR. lol...and my 3 daughters...and my grandson...that makes 5....and flash, that makes 6....and all these beautiful human beings....and.....

[Ernie Nemeth]

Yes, the bully. Some have tried that with me but soon find me a bit more than they can handle. Not because I'm big, or strong, or smart, or quick-witted, or fast with come backs, etc. but because I loose all semblance of the civilized citizen and go for blood, right then and right there, until one of us ain't getting up. It's insane, I know, and luckily I only had to do it a few times early in grade school. I quickly got a rep and those being bullied would look to me for protection, which I always provided. I simply cannot abide such tactics, and I will not allow it in my sphere of influence.
I cannot use that tactic in my grown-up life but I use a cousin of it.
With unfair laws and other systemic inadequacies in our society, I simply choose not to participate.
It's an extreme inconvenience but I have no regrets and I can hold my head up high.

I agree you should not sweep this under the rug, Flash. It is critical to deal with this head on, no turning aside. Gather those that can help, make them understand this is important and that you won't go away quietly. Your child has the right to a safe and secure environment conducive to learning, nothing short of that is acceptable.
Period.

[Carmen]

Man alive Flash, you have the gang mobilized into action!! You guys are just great. Full of passionate, useful advice. I'm sure your problem will be solved.
:peace::drama::grouphug::fencing::hug::sorry::kiss:
Cheers

Carmen

[Flash]

Man alive Flash, you have the gang mobilized into action!! You guys are just great. Full of passionate, useful advice. I'm sure your problem will be solved.
:peace::drama::grouphug::fencing::hug::sorry::kiss:
Cheers

Carmen

100% in agreement with your statements. Guys, Girls, you are really great. We can count on you all for help. So great, I already have full of stuff and ideas to handle the teachers/directors, have meetings, demand for feedback on action taken, etc

I also have some ideas to help my daughter get back on her feet. Thanks again

You can keep bringing in ideas, I am sure it could help many and it may be the last ones that will make it, who knows.

But, the most helpful for me, the mom, is having and feeling your support. I was litterally crying at times while reazding you. I was feeling so lonely with this, you can't believe. Thanks many many times for you heartfelt (that I could feel truthfully) support,

[Siberia9]

Hey Flash, I dont have time to read all the post that are up here right now, but I have been thinking about you all day today. I remembered my own abuse by my family due to the mind control training they had received and worked on with the govt etc. and how bad it was but how strong I am because of it. Then I remembered how I have trained my daughter (without hurting her) about emotions being a weakness if they are controlled by someone else, like a leash on a dog. A leash of control unless you choose not to allow them to cause a reaction in you, turning your weakness into strength. She is young and forgets to apply this at times but clearly understands it. Its at this point that I realize that you may want to find a book, a video, a class, something or someone that can teach your daughter to turn the tables and change herself from being a victim and take control of the situation. This is all done in the mind, when she learns to empower herself it will change everything. As soon as she learns how to take away their power she will be the one with the power, for the rest of her life actually.

[Flash]

Hey Flash, I dont have time to read all the post that are up here right now, but I have been thinking about you all day today. I remembered my own abuse by my family due to the mind control training they had received and worked on with the govt etc. and how bad it was but how strong I am because of it. Then I remembered how I have trained my daughter (without hurting her) about emotions being a weakness if they are controlled by someone else, like a leash on a dog. A leash of control unless you choose not to allow them to cause a reaction in you, turning your weakness into strength. She is young and forgets to apply this at times but clearly understands it. Its at this point that I realize that you may want to find a book, a video, a class, something or someone that can teach your daughter to turn the tables and change herself from being a victim and take control of the situation. This is all done in the mind, when she learns to empower herself it will change everything. As soon as she learns how to take away their power she will be the one with the power, for the rest of her life actually.

Many thanks and kisses on boht cheeks (I am French)

I now have two alleys: one with the teachers/school, the other personal with my daughter, I will definitly do what you tell me, bay suggestion Siberia 9 or others? for the personal approach, schools, trainbins, etc.

[Warlock]

Your daughter is being bullied because she is innocent, pure, and good. She is what I would call "light".

Now, darkness absolutely HATES the "light". Evil, which is in those who are the bullies, just cannot stand it, so they are trying to destroy it, or at least corrupt it.

I might see if I could transfer her to another school, or put her in a private school.

Nonetheless, what I would do is enroll her in martial arts. Explain to them what is happening in school, that you want her to be confident and to have the skills to defend herself in case things get out of hand.

Believe me, there is no greater confidence builder than knowing you can mop up the floor with just about anyone you might encounter AND because of that knowledge, you don't have to respond. You can just walk away.

It's kind of like having a Ferrari. You don't have to race anyone, because you know you will blow their doors off.

Hope this helps.

Warlock

[jcocks]

My heart goes out to you, Flash - having been at the butt end of bullying through all of my school years. And, honestly, nothing the school did helped - until, I believe, the perpetrators were faced with expulsion.

Honestly though, at this stage I'd say remove her from the school to start with. Look closely and find a school that clicks with you - and your daughter. You want her feeling comfortable.

I'm sorry I can't be more help, but my kids are still young so I haven't had to deal with bullying as a parent... But I do honestly, very deeply feel for you. It is a very lonely experience to go through your school years with constant bullying and without friends.

As an aside, does your daughter have many friends outside of school? If not, you *REALLY* want to try and do something about that. I went to a few "friendship groups" as a child that were run by our state health department, and it helped. Have a look (and a ring) around and see what is available in your area, there should be at least something. Also, if you feel your daughter would be helped by writing to me, please feel free - I have been there, I know *EXACTLY* how it feels. And sometimes hearing from somebody who has "been there" helps all that much more, to know you're not alone.

Joel

[bluestflame]

yes the bullies need to experience how it feels to be on the revcieving end themselves in order to see the need to cease it

[Sidney]

Hi Flash, Oh man, I hate a bully. I am so sorry for you and your daughter, it is so painful for both of you. First of all, you really need to document everything. Keep a log, every single day, names, times(if possible), when it occurs, when you call, who you talk to, what was said, what the school offers (or not) etc. Write down everything. The schools have a LEGAL obligation to deal with bullies. There are lawsuits going on around the country over bullying and the schools negligence in the matters.
Call the teacher, and then the superintendant, and the principle. Also call the school board.

Take it one call(or visit) at a time. And proceed accordingly. If it were my daughter, i would keep her home, have the teacher send schoolwork, until this is resolved. This is negilgence!!!! (sorry for the misspells.) If the school is not capable of dealing with this, call an attorney (or switch schools,). Changing schools is not always a doable task.

Have your daughter keep a paper each day, and each offense, she needs to write down what is said, and who said it, and what time. (if this is possible, and appropriate for her). Don't have her show anyone, just you, so you can make a copy, then you can show it to the school. You really have to be your own advocate. I am sending positive energy and loving thoughts to the two of you.

[NewFounderHome]

Flash, Here are some links in Québec.

http://www.actualiteenclasse.com/fiches/111.html
http://www.radio-canada.ca/regions/Quebec/2011/11/30/008-intimidation-comite-taxi-ecole-seigneurie.shtml
http://lovewired.org/tag/quebec/
http://www.cyberpresse.ca/actualites/quebec-canada/education/201112/02/01-4473762-intimidation-les-ecoles-manquent-de-ressources.php
http://www.ville.quebec.qc.ca/police/enfants/ecole/intimidation.aspx
http://www.dieu-est-chair.org/tag/intimidation-ecole-a-la-maison

I was true this when i was in school and my parents did put the 3 kids true Karate and Judo, it was not to go after other ones, but so we could re gain our confidence and self-peace of mind. This doesn’t work for all. But for me it did.

Jasmin Roy in Québec might also give you some good info and more.

This problem most stop now, it is a few that cause these problems.

My Dad had told me back then and i don’t recommend any kids taking this up but. There is a leader in a wolf pack and when you get true with the leader and regain respect, they normally leave you alone. You might need to clarify with others, but in my case over many years of going true this. Not much scares you anymore, so you do what must be done.
I in all of my heart wish noting of this type for kids and I strongly mean it!!!!

[Flash]

Flash, Here are some links in Québec.

http://www.actualiteenclasse.com/fiches/111.html
http://www.radio-canada.ca/regions/Quebec/2011/11/30/008-intimidation-comite-taxi-ecole-seigneurie.shtml
http://lovewired.org/tag/quebec/
http://www.cyberpresse.ca/actualites/quebec-canada/education/201112/02/01-4473762-intimidation-les-ecoles-manquent-de-ressources.php
http://www.ville.quebec.qc.ca/police/enfants/ecole/intimidation.aspx
http://www.dieu-est-chair.org/tag/intimidation-ecole-a-la-maison

I was true this when i was in school and my parents did put the 3 kids true Karate and Judo, it was not to go after other ones, but so we could re gain our confidence and self-peace of mind. This doesn’t work for all. But for me it did.

Jasmin Roy in Québec might also give you some good info and more.

This problem most stop now, it is a few that cause these problems.

My Dad had told me back then and i don’t recommend any kids taking this up but. There is a leader in a wolf pack and when you get true with the leader and regain respect, they normally leave you alone. You might need to clarify with others, but in my case over many years of going true this. Not much scares you anymore, so you do what must be done.
I in all of my heart wish noting of this type for kids and I strongly mean it!!!!

Wow, really incredible amount of solutions and exercices, many many thanks, and all in French, YOU ARE AN ANGEL

It is already sent to the school principal and the teachers. Thanks again

[NewFounderHome]

Flash, Here are some links in Québec.

http://www.actualiteenclasse.com/fiches/111.html
http://www.radio-canada.ca/regions/Quebec/2011/11/30/008-intimidation-comite-taxi-ecole-seigneurie.shtml
http://lovewired.org/tag/quebec/
http://www.cyberpresse.ca/actualites/quebec-canada/education/201112/02/01-4473762-intimidation-les-ecoles-manquent-de-ressources.php
http://www.ville.quebec.qc.ca/police/enfants/ecole/intimidation.aspx
http://www.dieu-est-chair.org/tag/intimidation-ecole-a-la-maison

I was true this when i was in school and my parents did put the 3 kids true Karate and Judo, it was not to go after other ones, but so we could re gain our confidence and self-peace of mind. This doesn’t work for all. But for me it did.

Jasmin Roy in Québec might also give you some good info and more.

This problem most stop now, it is a few that cause these problems.

My Dad had told me back then and i don’t recommend any kids taking this up but. There is a leader in a wolf pack and when you get true with the leader and regain respect, they normally leave you alone. You might need to clarify with others, but in my case over many years of going true this. Not much scares you anymore, so you do what must be done.
I in all of my heart wish noting of this type for kids and I strongly mean it!!!!

Wow, really incredible amount of solutions and exercices, many many thanks, and all in French, YOU ARE AN ANGEL

It is already sent to the school principal and the teachers. Thanks again

I'm in your end of the woods also!

[Unified Serenity]

Of course learning how to throw knives, sword fight, street fight, and those num chucks can't spell it, my brother is a black belt in them is quite effective. I do think knowing you can stand on your own is quite enpowering. My father taught me how to be a sharp shooter when I was five years old. I could pick off aspirin on a board from over 25 feet away with a .38. I have never pointed a gun at anyone, but my dad sure taught me how to do it, and he also showed my sister and I what to do if an intruder came into our home when he was not present. He said, run to my room (Meaning HIS room), lock the bedroom door, go to the nightstand and get his gun out, to to the furthest corner of the room in line with the door, aim at the doorknob and then from there to the center of the door. If someone tries to break it down, shoot first and ask questions later.

I've never had to do that though I have cleared my house before, and recently cleared a neighbors house when her dog was slashed. Knowing how to handle a crisis does not mean wanting one or creating one. It does give one the ability though to not panic because being prepared removes that aspect. I studied Tai Kwon Do for years. My father taught me hand to hand emergency ass kicking as well. I haven't gotten into a fight since middle school, but I do know where the pressure points in the body are and I am not afraid to use them. Again, I am not a violent person, but guess who everyone looks to when something is not quite right? Yep, let serenity go check it out. Here is a funny story....

I was at a neighbors house one night a year ago and my son brings my cell phone to me saying, Khaleesi is on the phone and she has a flat tire. It's like 10:00 at night and she is on her way back home from travelling up North to see family. I told her to sit tight, that I'd be there in an hour to fix the tire. My neighbor heard the convo, and my son was going into her house to play with her son, and she said, "HEY, aren't you going to go protect your mom". The look on my 18 year old's face was priceless as in, "What!?" then he said it, and she said, you know your mom is going out on a highway to fix a flat, who knows who could come up" and my son said what I knew what he was thinking " If mom can't handle whatever happens out there, I sure as hell can't handle it". Yes, it puffed me up a lil because daddy didn't raise a wimp or idiot. Now, I just have to continue to build up my son so he can do it, and tonight we did some energy fire control with the fire he built, and we'll continue to work on his initiative and confidence.

Moral of the story, believe in your kids, never lie to them, live a life of respect and expect them to do well, they will.

[Ellisa]

There are some great Ideas here to help your daughter. 1inmany and carmen have both outlined how the school can help with restorative justice and changing a culture by ceasing to look away or accept the bullying as a normal part of schooling (which it should not be). For some children school can be difficult and it is part of a teachers' job to make sure that this type of situation is quickly dealt with.

Children bully others for a number of reasons., but by far the most common is that they (the bullies) are afraid that if they do not establish a victim they will themselves be bullied. I notice you say that all the students in your child's class have some form of disability. This may mean that many of them have all been bullied and it is likely they will all be terrified of being the victim so they start first. This is sad but can be dealt with positively. You may find that the teacher honestly doesn't know what is happening. Special Ed is a very demanding career, but he/she should respond with ideas that deal with the situation, such as conferencing with the students generally, with the bullies and victims, and also with the two sets of parents. The whole school needs to be involved, because as carmen says a solution depends a lot on school culture.

I should imagine also that bullying is well and truly on the radar in the Administration area of Education policy in your country and an approach by you will be treated very seriously, and with the expectation of success. A bullied child is not one learning to the best of their ability.

Also I think newfounderhome is right when he suggests activities outside of school and home can be useful. This need not be the usual sporting clubs but could include art, drama and especially music in all its forms! Success and happiness often inspires confidence in one area, and respect from peers in another!

I hope the start of the new school term will be a positive one for your girl. She deserves it.

[Warlock]

Of course learning how to throw knives, sword fight, street fight, and those num chucks can't spell it, my brother is a black belt in them is quite effective. I do think knowing you can stand on your own is quite enpowering. My father taught me how to be a sharp shooter when I was five years old. I could pick off aspirin on a board from over 25 feet away with a .38. I have never pointed a gun at anyone, but my dad sure taught me how to do it, and he also showed my sister and I what to do if an intruder came into our home when he was not present. He said, run to my room (Meaning HIS room), lock the bedroom door, go to the nightstand and get his gun out, to to the furthest corner of the room in line with the door, aim at the doorknob and then from there to the center of the door. If someone tries to break it down, shoot first and ask questions later.

I've never had to do that though I have cleared my house before, and recently cleared a neighbors house when her dog was slashed. Knowing how to handle a crisis does not mean wanting one or creating one. It does give one the ability though to not panic because being prepared removes that aspect. I studied Tai Kwon Do for years. My father taught me hand to hand emergency ass kicking as well. I haven't gotten into a fight since middle school, but I do know where the pressure points in the body are and I am not afraid to use them. Again, I am not a violent person, but guess who everyone looks to when something is not quite right? Yep, let serenity go check it out. Here is a funny story....

I was at a neighbors house one night a year ago and my son brings my cell phone to me saying, Khaleesi is on the phone and she has a flat tire. It's like 10:00 at night and she is on her way back home from travelling up North to see family. I told her to sit tight, that I'd be there in an hour to fix the tire. My neighbor heard the convo, and my son was going into her house to play with her son, and she said, "HEY, aren't you going to go protect your mom". The look on my 18 year old's face was priceless as in, "What!?" then he said it, and she said, you know your mom is going out on a highway to fix a flat, who knows who could come up" and my son said what I knew what he was thinking " If mom can't handle whatever happens out there, I sure as hell can't handle it". Yes, it puffed me up a lil because daddy didn't raise a wimp or idiot. Now, I just have to continue to build up my son so he can do it, and tonight we did some energy fire control with the fire he built, and we'll continue to work on his initiative and confidence.

Moral of the story, believe in your kids, never lie to them, live a life of respect and expect them to do well, they will.

My kind of lady. :madgrin:

Warlock

[Vitalux]

If you really want to help her, take her out of the school system.
All it does is just brainwash her anyways.
Have her learn her work at home, and check into alternate schooling.

If you think about it, school is just a meat processing factory to destroy us.

Get her out of school and let her be free.

[wolf_rt]

What things is your daughter good at? Having a sense of individual worth is (IMO) the best way to stop bullying (or at least the consequences to self esteem).

I was bullied in school and had no friends up until grade 10 when as though by magic, everybody suddenly knew who i was and wanted to be my friend... I believe this was because i no longer wanted these people to be my friends, and it showed. (everybody thinks 'who is this guy who doesn't need our approval, he must have something i don't')

not much use to you now i know...

fighting back is VERY effective... a good friend of mine who spent 20 years in prison, (now a very balanced and spiritual person, who i would trust with my life) told me the only way to survive in there in there is to go ballistic on someone ASAP... doesn't matter who... bullies look for easy targets...

don't get too wrapped up in 'love & light'... balance is key.

NO FEAR

[Flash]

Of course learning how to throw knives, sword fight, street fight, and those num chucks can't spell it, my brother is a black belt in them is quite effective. I do think knowing you can stand on your own is quite enpowering. My father taught me how to be a sharp shooter when I was five years old. I could pick off aspirin on a board from over 25 feet away with a .38. I have never pointed a gun at anyone, but my dad sure taught me how to do it, and he also showed my sister and I what to do if an intruder came into our home when he was not present. He said, run to my room (Meaning HIS room), lock the bedroom door, go to the nightstand and get his gun out, to to the furthest corner of the room in line with the door, aim at the doorknob and then from there to the center of the door. If someone tries to break it down, shoot first and ask questions later.

I've never had to do that though I have cleared my house before, and recently cleared a neighbors house when her dog was slashed. Knowing how to handle a crisis does not mean wanting one or creating one. It does give one the ability though to not panic because being prepared removes that aspect. I studied Tai Kwon Do for years. My father taught me hand to hand emergency ass kicking as well. I haven't gotten into a fight since middle school, but I do know where the pressure points in the body are and I am not afraid to use them. Again, I am not a violent person, but guess who everyone looks to when something is not quite right? Yep, let serenity go check it out. Here is a funny story....

I was at a neighbors house one night a year ago and my son brings my cell phone to me saying, Khaleesi is on the phone and she has a flat tire. It's like 10:00 at night and she is on her way back home from travelling up North to see family. I told her to sit tight, that I'd be there in an hour to fix the tire. My neighbor heard the convo, and my son was going into her house to play with her son, and she said, "HEY, aren't you going to go protect your mom". The look on my 18 year old's face was priceless as in, "What!?" then he said it, and she said, you know your mom is going out on a highway to fix a flat, who knows who could come up" and my son said what I knew what he was thinking " If mom can't handle whatever happens out there, I sure as hell can't handle it". Yes, it puffed me up a lil because daddy didn't raise a wimp or idiot. Now, I just have to continue to build up my son so he can do it, and tonight we did some energy fire control with the fire he built, and we'll continue to work on his initiative and confidence.

Moral of the story, believe in your kids, never lie to them, live a life of respect and expect them to do well, they will.

My kind of lady. :madgrin:

Warlock

If I am not mistaken, the lady (Unified Serenity) is in fact a man. :amen:

[Unified Serenity]

Of course learning how to throw knives, sword fight, street fight, and those num chucks can't spell it, my brother is a black belt in them is quite effective. I do think knowing you can stand on your own is quite enpowering. My father taught me how to be a sharp shooter when I was five years old. I could pick off aspirin on a board from over 25 feet away with a .38. I have never pointed a gun at anyone, but my dad sure taught me how to do it, and he also showed my sister and I what to do if an intruder came into our home when he was not present. He said, run to my room (Meaning HIS room), lock the bedroom door, go to the nightstand and get his gun out, to to the furthest corner of the room in line with the door, aim at the doorknob and then from there to the center of the door. If someone tries to break it down, shoot first and ask questions later.

I've never had to do that though I have cleared my house before, and recently cleared a neighbors house when her dog was slashed. Knowing how to handle a crisis does not mean wanting one or creating one. It does give one the ability though to not panic because being prepared removes that aspect. I studied Tai Kwon Do for years. My father taught me hand to hand emergency ass kicking as well. I haven't gotten into a fight since middle school, but I do know where the pressure points in the body are and I am not afraid to use them. Again, I am not a violent person, but guess who everyone looks to when something is not quite right? Yep, let serenity go check it out. Here is a funny story....

I was at a neighbors house one night a year ago and my son brings my cell phone to me saying, Khaleesi is on the phone and she has a flat tire. It's like 10:00 at night and she is on her way back home from travelling up North to see family. I told her to sit tight, that I'd be there in an hour to fix the tire. My neighbor heard the convo, and my son was going into her house to play with her son, and she said, "HEY, aren't you going to go protect your mom". The look on my 18 year old's face was priceless as in, "What!?" then he said it, and she said, you know your mom is going out on a highway to fix a flat, who knows who could come up" and my son said what I knew what he was thinking " If mom can't handle whatever happens out there, I sure as hell can't handle it". Yes, it puffed me up a lil because daddy didn't raise a wimp or idiot. Now, I just have to continue to build up my son so he can do it, and tonight we did some energy fire control with the fire he built, and we'll continue to work on his initiative and confidence.

Moral of the story, believe in your kids, never lie to them, live a life of respect and expect them to do well, they will.

My kind of lady. :madgrin:

Warlock

If I am not mistaken, the lady (Unified Serenity) is in fact a man. :amen:

You are most mistaken ;)

[ViralSpiral]

I am so sorry to hear of your daughter's pain, Flash. Dennis started a thread a while back. There are some wonderful posts there too which may offer fresh ideas.


A letter to my daughter's teacher (http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?30547-A-note-to-my-daughter-s-teachers/page3)

In that thread was this wonderful documentary which you could include in your data collection.


armP8TfS9Is

Best of luck 

[smiller113]

Find a Judo club or school in your area. Judo is a Japanese martial art and an Olympic sport. Children can begin as early as five. She will be grouped with other children where they will learn discipline, respect, team work and self reliance. She will learn basic attacks and defenses, footwork and balance and most important, build self confidence and self esteem, all in a very safe and structured environment. Physical activity at this time is very important for the development of certain areas of the brain which affect intelligence, creativity, etc. As she trains for a period of time, she will develop an awareness and energy which her school mates will intuitively perceive. She will move from the position of Prey towards Predator and other children will usually change their behavior patterns. I've seen it happen time and time again over 18 years.

If she does become involved in a physical confrontation, Judo, unlike the striking arts, will not leave any marks onthe opponents. Most assailants will cease immediately when they feel the grip and core strength as well as balance of the Judoka. If they don't they usually find themselves upside down on the ground in an arm bar or choke position.

Call the USA Judo Federation at the Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs for a list of Clubs in your area.

[christian]

Call me harsh, but I only see two ways and both are hard and require a strong determination:


She's got to have her backbone together and stand up to the bullies, verbally and physically.
She's got to teach herself to let it not hit her and to realize, that the others are pityful individuals behaving in a despicable way. This way she could stand up to them exposing their weaknesses verbally.


I know that's a lot for a small child, but she doesn't have to cope with it in a day, it will be a process anyways and she will definitely learn a very important lesson, if she doesn't despair or give up and deals with it seriously and proactively.

[CeltMan]

Here is the situation:

My daughter is badly bullied at school, in a very subtle manner: it is mostly verbal and sneaky bullying in her classroom.

As she is the youngest of the class and a good student despite learning disabilities due to dysphasia (others in her class are all dyslesic, which is much milder disability), therefore not agile with spoken and written words and not agile in speaking congruently fast enough, she is being badly bullied through regular nasty comments from most of the class (only 4-5 don't do it), comments that as she says "are not much by themselves, but it is the cumulation of them that is terrible mom, it is non stop, 5-10 comments a day". She is a tiny chubby (nothing when comparing to obese) and pretty but she thinks she does not worth much.

As the comments are fast and often in low tone, most teachers were not aware of it until my daughter snapped. Being a good student, the teachers were wondering what was wrong. She came back that day telling me she did not want to go back to school, that "even if I am eager to learn new stuff mom, I do not want it anymore" and she was crying. She told me that the worst is the rejection, being put alone all the time, not being able to make friends. And on and on - for example, a student came to speak to her while another one pulls that student out to stop her from speaking to my daughter saying she is ****ed up - and much more. It has been going on for 18 months and she was mostly hiding from me, not to worry me.

I forced her to go back to school the following day after she snapped because it was Christmas gift exchange (they had pulled names and ezch student was to make a gift to another one) and my daughter was the only one in the class not to receive anything. No need to tell you that when I called on the same day to tell them she could not stand the byllying anymore, they believed it.

The teachers are aware of the problem but hesitate to adress it directly.

I need ideas for teachers on how to handle such a situation.

I also need ideas for me, on an individual basis, on what to do to help my daughter. To tell the truth, I feel quite disempowered, I do not know what to do (of course I tell her how much I love her, but what else?)

Thank you all in advance for your gracious help.

Flash

ps: I did check the thread on Avalon on bullying but did not find much to help the teachers or the mom.
I do have the Blue eyes Brown eyes experiments videos and the Teen files: being the change 1-2-3 videos, thanks Avalon for this.

But I need more please, interventions have to be fast - there is suicidal ideas my daughter shared with me.

Hello Flash,

Firstly let me express my heartfelt sympathy to you in this time of crisis.

I see you have already received some excellent advice here, but I thought to share some anecdotes about bullying with you, as they might offer some hope and or inspiration.

I am sure you already know, ALL bullies are cowards, you Never find one person acting alone, they always have to have ‘their following’//gang.

My daughter, then aged two & half years old, pretty, slightly built, blue eyed blonde hair, face of an angel.

My (ex) wife was a registered child minder, and had two young boys in her care.

I had been very ill for 2 weeks, with bronchial flu, my first day out of bed. My wife asked me to look after the 3 children whilst she went to the shops.

One boy was aged about one & half. His parents were divorcing, and he obviously felt the tension, as he was rather emotional.

The other boy was aged about three, tall & large, crew cut hair, dungarees, a doppelganger for his Dad.

My wife had hardly left when the big lad(We’ll call him Sid) started in on the little one (we’ll call him Tom) Sid kept taking Tom’s toy. And stood grinning at him, taunting him, and laughing when Tom cried.

This had just happened for the third time, I was drawing my energies to say something(believe me that was a HUGE effort), when my daughter, who had been glancing at me-reacted.

What happened next was nothing short of astonishing.

My daughter got to her feet, and started advancing on Sid.
Sid at first frowned, but started backing away, still clutching Tom’s toy.

She kept advancing on Sid, until he was backed up against the wall.

She then reached up(he was much taller than she) grabbed his dungarees with both hands, and LIFTED him right off the floor!!
She shook him, growled, and as he slipped to the floor, she took the toy back to Tom.

She returned the toy to Tom and gave him a cuddle, and smiled at me, then went back to playing. She never said a word throughout.
The look on Tom’s face was priceless, -pure adoration! If he could talk he would have said “You’re my hero, you’re so big & strong!”

--------------------------------------------------

A few years later, my daughter had to attend a school on a temporary basis. We had moved to a new area, and although the temporary flat was in a good area, the only available school was in a rough area.

My daughter, then aged 6, was not happy at the school.
The other children were ignoring her, - a sort of bullying.

I spoke to her one evening asking if there was/were any children at all in the class that she thought might be friendly. She thought about it and said, “Yes there is one” (** Flash-I see that your daughter says that there are perhaps 4 who are not against her?)

I asked my daughter to befriend that one girl next day. I also asked her if that girl had any friends, the answer was yes!
So I explained that if she befriended that girl, she would then become friends with her friends etc etc.

It worked, and she was happy for the three months she was at that school.
-------------------------------------------------

Several years later, my son was aged 9. I asked him about bullying at his school. He said that they had a lecture on it.
I asked him if he was being bullied and what he might think, or do if he saw any bullying taking place.
He is slightly built, and was of average height, although athletic, and into everything!

He replied: “No I am not bullied, I can beat all the boys in my class. But the other day I saw a group of four eleven year olds , bullying a five year old. I ran over and tackled them and made them stop.”

Wow, I felt so proud of that little guy who was my son.

He is now a grown man, and still comes to the defence of the underdog in any such situation.
My daughter is married with two small children, and is a special needs teacher.

I hope you can draw some strength from those stories.
Best of luck to you and your daughter in resolving that situation.

[jagman]

Has I read your post, My heart broke for you an your daughter. Has I read threw the responses to your situation, I felt really proud to be
a member here.

[Valley]

As far as I'm concerned the public school systems are pretty much completely bogus these days, with very little special attention given to those who can really use it, and the mistreatment by other students is common place... i have several neices and nephews in the public school system and it's the same story. These "wrongs" done by other students can be greatly bruising to a young, delicate, developing mind... with lifelong lasting "scars", and I would not put her back in that school for another day of psychological "torture". Its just not worth the damage, and by taking her out of there you will be showing her that you do really care for her, because she obviously wants to have no part of it. The whole system needs to be changed. How long will you let this continue? Especially when suicidal thoughts are involved, the alarm bells are going off right now.

Taking on the whole school system is a huge undertaking, which will not likely stop these torments very quickly, and which may get yourself into hot water and become a target for the system yourself. Its very clear to me that to keep forcing her to go back there will be seen by her as you not caring about her and could likely create greater "distance" between the two of you. I think its about time to bring her back under your wing, mother.

All the best to you and her working this out "together".
:angel:

[grapevine]

Flash, Here are some links in Québec.

http://www.actualiteenclasse.com/fiches/111.html
http://www.radio-canada.ca/regions/Quebec/2011/11/30/008-intimidation-comite-taxi-ecole-seigneurie.shtml
http://lovewired.org/tag/quebec/
http://www.cyberpresse.ca/actualites/quebec-canada/education/201112/02/01-4473762-intimidation-les-ecoles-manquent-de-ressources.php
http://www.ville.quebec.qc.ca/police/enfants/ecole/intimidation.aspx
http://www.dieu-est-chair.org/tag/intimidation-ecole-a-la-maison

I was true this when i was in school and my parents did put the 3 kids true Karate and Judo, it was not to go after other ones, but so we could re gain our confidence and self-peace of mind. This doesn’t work for all. But for me it did.

Jasmin Roy in Québec might also give you some good info and more.

This problem most stop now, it is a few that cause these problems.

My Dad had told me back then and i don’t recommend any kids taking this up but. There is a leader in a wolf pack and when you get true with the leader and regain respect, they normally leave you alone. You might need to clarify with others, but in my case over many years of going true this. Not much scares you anymore, so you do what must be done.
I in all of my heart wish noting of this type for kids and I strongly mean it!!!!

Wow, really incredible amount of solutions and exercices, many many thanks, and all in French, YOU ARE AN ANGEL

It is already sent to the school principal and the teachers. Thanks again

I'm in your end of the woods also!

Same here Flash. This worked for my daughter who also had learning difficulties, making her "different". Her life was being made a misery. We worked and practiced on delivering one liner put downs and one day she had the opportunity and never looked back. I would also suggest enrolling her at a karate school and learn some self-defence techniques. I'm not advocating violence but you will find that it will give her a lot of confidence.

But if you are concerned that she is suicidal then I would remove her at once and then start rebuilding her confidence as above in another school.

As someone who was in your position my heart goes out to you Flash. xx big hugs

[Unified Serenity]

Here is the situation:

My daughter is badly bullied at school, in a very subtle manner: it is mostly verbal and sneaky bullying in her classroom.

As she is the youngest of the class and a good student despite learning disabilities due to dysphasia (others in her class are all dyslesic, which is much milder disability), therefore not agile with spoken and written words and not agile in speaking congruently fast enough, she is being badly bullied through regular nasty comments from most of the class (only 4-5 don't do it), comments that as she says "are not much by themselves, but it is the cumulation of them that is terrible mom, it is non stop, 5-10 comments a day". She is a tiny chubby (nothing when comparing to obese) and pretty but she thinks she does not worth much.

As the comments are fast and often in low tone, most teachers were not aware of it until my daughter snapped. Being a good student, the teachers were wondering what was wrong. She came back that day telling me she did not want to go back to school, that "even if I am eager to learn new stuff mom, I do not want it anymore" and she was crying. She told me that the worst is the rejection, being put alone all the time, not being able to make friends. And on and on - for example, a student came to speak to her while another one pulls that student out to stop her from speaking to my daughter saying she is ****ed up - and much more. It has been going on for 18 months and she was mostly hiding from me, not to worry me.

I forced her to go back to school the following day after she snapped because it was Christmas gift exchange (they had pulled names and ezch student was to make a gift to another one) and my daughter was the only one in the class not to receive anything. No need to tell you that when I called on the same day to tell them she could not stand the byllying anymore, they believed it.

The teachers are aware of the problem but hesitate to adress it directly.

I need ideas for teachers on how to handle such a situation.

I also need ideas for me, on an individual basis, on what to do to help my daughter. To tell the truth, I feel quite disempowered, I do not know what to do (of course I tell her how much I love her, but what else?)

Thank you all in advance for your gracious help.

Flash

ps: I did check the thread on Avalon on bullying but did not find much to help the teachers or the mom.
I do have the Blue eyes Brown eyes experiments videos and the Teen files: being the change 1-2-3 videos, thanks Avalon for this.

But I need more please, interventions have to be fast - there is suicidal ideas my daughter shared with me.

Hello Flash,

Firstly let me express my heartfelt sympathy to you in this time of crisis.

I see you have already received some excellent advice here, but I thought to share some anecdotes about bullying with you, as they might offer some hope and or inspiration.

I am sure you already know, ALL bullies are cowards, you Never find one person acting alone, they always have to have ‘their following’//gang.

My daughter, then aged two & half years old, pretty, slightly built, blue eyed blonde hair, face of an angel.

My (ex) wife was a registered child minder, and had two young boys in her care.

I had been very ill for 2 weeks, with bronchial flu, my first day out of bed. My wife asked me to look after the 3 children whilst she went to the shops.

One boy was aged about one & half. His parents were divorcing, and he obviously felt the tension, as he was rather emotional.

The other boy was aged about three, tall & large, crew cut hair, dungarees, a doppelganger for his Dad.

My wife had hardly left when the big lad(We’ll call him Sid) started in on the little one (we’ll call him Tom) Sid kept taking Tom’s toy. And stood grinning at him, taunting him, and laughing when Tom cried.

This had just happened for the third time, I was drawing my energies to say something(believe me that was a HUGE effort), when my daughter, who had been glancing at me-reacted.

What happened next was nothing short of astonishing.

My daughter got to her feet, and started advancing on Sid.
Sid at first frowned, but started backing away, still clutching Tom’s toy.

She kept advancing on Sid, until he was backed up against the wall.

She then reached up(he was much taller than she) grabbed his dungarees with both hands, and LIFTED him right off the floor!!
She shook him, growled, and as he slipped to the floor, she took the toy back to Tom.

She returned the toy to Tom and gave him a cuddle, and smiled at me, then went back to playing. She never said a word throughout.
The look on Tom’s face was priceless, -pure adoration! If he could talk he would have said “You’re my hero, you’re so big & strong!”

--------------------------------------------------

A few years later, my daughter had to attend a school on a temporary basis. We had moved to a new area, and although the temporary flat was in a good area, the only available school was in a rough area.

My daughter, then aged 6, was not happy at the school.
The other children were ignoring her, - a sort of bullying.

I spoke to her one evening asking if there was/were any children at all in the class that she thought might be friendly. She thought about it and said, “Yes there is one” (** Flash-I see that your daughter says that there are perhaps 4 who are not against her?)

I asked my daughter to befriend that one girl next day. I also asked her if that girl had any friends, the answer was yes!
So I explained that if she befriended that girl, she would then become friends with her friends etc etc.

It worked, and she was happy for the three months she was at that school.
-------------------------------------------------

Several years later, my son was aged 9. I asked him about bullying at his school. He said that they had a lecture on it.
I asked him if he was being bullied and what he might think, or do if he saw any bullying taking place.
He is slightly built, and was of average height, although athletic, and into everything!

He replied: “No I am not bullied, I can beat all the boys in my class. But the other day I saw a group of four eleven year olds , bullying a five year old. I ran over and tackled them and made them stop.”

Wow, I felt so proud of that little guy who was my son.

He is now a grown man, and still comes to the defence of the underdog in any such situation.
My daughter is married with two small children, and is a special needs teacher.

I hope you can draw some strength from those stories.
Best of luck to you and your daughter in resolving that situation.

You have every right to be a very proud father! What great stories to share. Thank you for bringing these two wonderful souls into our world and raising them with wisdom, love, and courage.

Serenity

[Unified Serenity]

Flash, follow your heart. If you don't get the satisfaction you need threaten them with a lawsuit to pay for private teachers because they have allowed an environment fostering mental illness. Usually, that will make them take action. Money usually talks a lot, oh and also don't be afraid to write in the paper and contact reporters about this activity if you don't get anywhere.

[NewFounderHome]

Well i will say then Bullies some time get back what they serve.

I don't approve this now but this is what did happen back then.

My brother and friend and i where going at the same school together, it was the first year we were all together, since before we were at different schools, i was in a different school since i had learning disabilities, that's why i got picked on. I had noticed my younger brother crying and talking with mom and saying then he was being picked on at school since the beginning of the year, at the same school where my second brother and friend where the year before. My younger brother was small and very good at school and he was very shy and he never had went true what i did, so the next day my second brother et friend went to the school and my second brother and friend went in the yard of the school since they knew the kid and brought him over to the fence and i did grip his clothing the 2 other ones where on the inside and my second brother did strongly convince him to leave my small brother alone or we would have to come back. My younger brother found out about this true the father of my friend because his father was a teacher at this school and when we were there that noon his father seen us leaving the school. I did ask my younger brother if he was being bullied again and he said no all had stopped.

Is this good NO when i think about it now, but it did resolve the problem back then!

[Ernie Nemeth]

Here's one for you - food for thought.
What do you do when you stand up to a bully on behalf of someone else and they don't know they've been bullied or don't want to make waves?
Then you look like some sort of terrorist or worse.
And the lack of support puts you squarely in with the outcasts.
And the bullied now looks like the pet or the mascot of the bullies.
How ridiculous and untenable such a position rapidly becomes.
What do you do then?
Shrug it off? Or leave and don't ever look back?

[Unified Serenity]

Here's one for you - food for thought.
What do you do when you stand up to a bully on behalf of someone else and they don't know they've been bullied or don't want to make waves?
Then you look like some sort of terrorist or worse.
And the lack of support puts you squarely in with the outcasts.
And the bullied now looks like the pet or the mascot of the bullies.
How ridiculous and untenable such a position rapidly becomes.
What do you do then?
Shrug it off? Or leave and don't ever look back?



We see this everyday, even on forums. The bully starts calling names, insinuating things about the target victim and when the victim speaks to the truth they get ostracized and ridiculed even more. To stand up even alone is better than to cower and lick their boots. Eff em.

[Ernie Nemeth]

Thanks Unified Serenity.
If you only knew...

[CeltMan]

Here is the situation:

My daughter is badly bullied at school, in a very subtle manner: it is mostly verbal and sneaky bullying in her classroom.

As she is the youngest of the class and a good student despite learning disabilities due to dysphasia (others in her class are all dyslesic, which is much milder disability), therefore not agile with spoken and written words and not agile in speaking congruently fast enough, she is being badly bullied through regular nasty comments from most of the class (only 4-5 don't do it), comments that as she says "are not much by themselves, but it is the cumulation of them that is terrible mom, it is non stop, 5-10 comments a day". She is a tiny chubby (nothing when comparing to obese) and pretty but she thinks she does not worth much.

As the comments are fast and often in low tone, most teachers were not aware of it until my daughter snapped. Being a good student, the teachers were wondering what was wrong. She came back that day telling me she did not want to go back to school, that "even if I am eager to learn new stuff mom, I do not want it anymore" and she was crying. She told me that the worst is the rejection, being put alone all the time, not being able to make friends. And on and on - for example, a student came to speak to her while another one pulls that student out to stop her from speaking to my daughter saying she is ****ed up - and much more. It has been going on for 18 months and she was mostly hiding from me, not to worry me.

I forced her to go back to school the following day after she snapped because it was Christmas gift exchange (they had pulled names and ezch student was to make a gift to another one) and my daughter was the only one in the class not to receive anything. No need to tell you that when I called on the same day to tell them she could not stand the byllying anymore, they believed it.

The teachers are aware of the problem but hesitate to adress it directly.

I need ideas for teachers on how to handle such a situation.

I also need ideas for me, on an individual basis, on what to do to help my daughter. To tell the truth, I feel quite disempowered, I do not know what to do (of course I tell her how much I love her, but what else?)

Thank you all in advance for your gracious help.

Flash

ps: I did check the thread on Avalon on bullying but did not find much to help the teachers or the mom.
I do have the Blue eyes Brown eyes experiments videos and the Teen files: being the change 1-2-3 videos, thanks Avalon for this.

But I need more please, interventions have to be fast - there is suicidal ideas my daughter shared with me.

Hello Flash,

Firstly let me express my heartfelt sympathy to you in this time of crisis.

I see you have already received some excellent advice here, but I thought to share some anecdotes about bullying with you, as they might offer some hope and or inspiration.

I am sure you already know, ALL bullies are cowards, you Never find one person acting alone, they always have to have ‘their following’//gang.

My daughter, then aged two & half years old, pretty, slightly built, blue eyed blonde hair, face of an angel.

My (ex) wife was a registered child minder, and had two young boys in her care.

I had been very ill for 2 weeks, with bronchial flu, my first day out of bed. My wife asked me to look after the 3 children whilst she went to the shops.

One boy was aged about one & half. His parents were divorcing, and he obviously felt the tension, as he was rather emotional.

The other boy was aged about three, tall & large, crew cut hair, dungarees, a doppelganger for his Dad.

My wife had hardly left when the big lad(We’ll call him Sid) started in on the little one (we’ll call him Tom) Sid kept taking Tom’s toy. And stood grinning at him, taunting him, and laughing when Tom cried.

This had just happened for the third time, I was drawing my energies to say something(believe me that was a HUGE effort), when my daughter, who had been glancing at me-reacted.

What happened next was nothing short of astonishing.

My daughter got to her feet, and started advancing on Sid.
Sid at first frowned, but started backing away, still clutching Tom’s toy.

She kept advancing on Sid, until he was backed up against the wall.

She then reached up(he was much taller than she) grabbed his dungarees with both hands, and LIFTED him right off the floor!!
She shook him, growled, and as he slipped to the floor, she took the toy back to Tom.

She returned the toy to Tom and gave him a cuddle, and smiled at me, then went back to playing. She never said a word throughout.
The look on Tom’s face was priceless, -pure adoration! If he could talk he would have said “You’re my hero, you’re so big & strong!”

--------------------------------------------------

A few years later, my daughter had to attend a school on a temporary basis. We had moved to a new area, and although the temporary flat was in a good area, the only available school was in a rough area.

My daughter, then aged 6, was not happy at the school.
The other children were ignoring her, - a sort of bullying.

I spoke to her one evening asking if there was/were any children at all in the class that she thought might be friendly. She thought about it and said, “Yes there is one” (** Flash-I see that your daughter says that there are perhaps 4 who are not against her?)

I asked my daughter to befriend that one girl next day. I also asked her if that girl had any friends, the answer was yes!
So I explained that if she befriended that girl, she would then become friends with her friends etc etc.

It worked, and she was happy for the three months she was at that school.
-------------------------------------------------

Several years later, my son was aged 9. I asked him about bullying at his school. He said that they had a lecture on it.
I asked him if he was being bullied and what he might think, or do if he saw any bullying taking place.
He is slightly built, and was of average height, although athletic, and into everything!

He replied: “No I am not bullied, I can beat all the boys in my class. But the other day I saw a group of four eleven year olds , bullying a five year old. I ran over and tackled them and made them stop.”

Wow, I felt so proud of that little guy who was my son.

He is now a grown man, and still comes to the defence of the underdog in any such situation.
My daughter is married with two small children, and is a special needs teacher.

I hope you can draw some strength from those stories.
Best of luck to you and your daughter in resolving that situation.

You have every right to be a very proud father! What great stories to share. Thank you for bringing these two wonderful souls into our world and raising them with wisdom, love, and courage.

Serenity

THANK YOU, Unified Serenity, for those words!

Yes indeed, although I have had many Very trying times in my life, and have been in some Very Dark places, I can say with all sincerity, that if I died today, my children were/are my proudest acomplishment.
As it happens, 'I broke the mould//pattern' -of being the product of an abused childhood myself.

Bullying is something that makes me see--not Red, but 'White Hot anger'!
I tried 'turning the other cheek' etc when I was bullied at school (low self estem makes one a target for bullies!)

My belief is that they 'need some of same right back at them.'

i was set upon at aged 14 (being the youngest & smallest in the class) by a 'brave' gang of 6 bullies, who waylaid me, threw me down in the filthy slush. My reaction was to spring up and launch myself at the ringleader. I managed to punch him on the nose, then legged it with all 6 'baying for my blood'.
What saved me was that I was Not heading home, I was heading in the opposite direction, on a 'business mission for my dad'
Also, instinctively, I zig-zagged through back streets etc.

It was a terrifying experience, and you can imagine the state I was in when i turned up at the offices of the chairman of a large company.
I refused to discuss what had happened to me.
He (apparently-as I was told when I was 21) had later offered me a positioin in the company, as he was 'impressed by my charecter'.

For me, the culminatuion was, at age 17, having my left ear nearly bitten off by a thug(who suckered me)
It took 40 stitches to sew it back on.
It also took Two of the thugs Big mates to drag me off him. (perhaps just as well, as I might well have killed him)
I resolved that day, NEVER AGAIN!

Oh and by the way, I have since 'bumped into' three of these brave thugs, and can testify, that NO, they bottled it when face to face with me on their own. And they were (mostly) still taller then me!

So yes, I fully concur, as has been advised, 'Self Esteem' is definitely the key.

I sometimes wonder how many tormented souls, have not made it to a balanced and sane adulthood, because of horrors they had to endure by bullies at school.

Sadly we 'humans' have still in us, some very dark matter. There are those amongst us, who resort to the 'pack mentality' and will hone in on anyone they deem as weak.

And yet we wonder, IF there are evolved aliens watching us humans, why would they want to come among us, when so many of us continue to behave like savages?

[Ernie Nemeth]

Because of a blessed few who are not savages, my good celtman!

[9eagle9]

What Carmen said, this only addressed when some one pulls up their self authority pants. It seems the teachers have lost any authority in their class room they are not mentally well equipped to approach what I feel is common enough situation that should have leaned some coping skills by now. They may be wonderful teachers but they are not good at managing the needs of children.

The issue here is.... no one has control, I won't count on that principal to have more cajones than the teachers So YOU have to do this. I commisserate with you, I've been there.

Most communties have a free legal advocate concerning the school.. Find yours. Most schools have a police officer assigned to the school for various reasons, find yours.

I didn't have Facebook then but use it. make a page emphasizing this ****, name names, actions, dates, events, push the envelope be a big blabber mouth. Update it daily with what is going on mostly emphasizing how no one is doing anything about it. We know everyone loves drama let that drama serve you for once. You see in here how people get all up in arms about stuff, let that serve you and your daughter. This **** goes on because its hidden. It can't keep going on when some light is shown on it. Hopefully and I pray that some home schooling mother will see it and perhaps offer to homeschool your daughter in your stead.

There is no force on earth like a pissed off mother, think mother bear, think lioness with her cubs. Forget about for the moment what Jesus would do and think about what the white lioness would do. God made her too.

Ask for a meeting with principal and school board and teachers. When they start croaking their politically correct ahems, and harrumphs, hemming and hawing and their psychological bs, you stand and say. "No no no, this is ending NOW. "Firmly and with mother authority. We are in control now and there's no reason for fits of anger. You are the authority, you brought her in the world, you KNOW what is best for her until the time comes till she can determine on her own. the entire time this occurred I felt like the biggest bitch-****-**** in the world and I just let that feeling guide me even though I felt like kicking them in the nuts. Problem was...they didn't have any.

"We will NOT leave this room, until a solution is found and intiated and you sign a document stating as such.And it will be enforced."

If they cannot take authority you have to. They have none and you are the final authority over your daughter.

I went and sat in the class room because the teacher said she didn't 'notice' Louis twisiting the skin under Ariel's upper arm. The bruises there were all I needed to see. It seemed pretty simple to me.Change the seating arrangement.

She WOULDN"T. It might disrupt the class!! Oh Jesus Christ we can't THAT now can we. We can have my daughter black and blue all over but we can't change the seating arrangement! .

I offered her a simple solution and she refused it so that's time for me to call the shots. "I'm sitting in this class, I have a visitors pass, I will sit right next to you and be your eyes. And everytime that little brat touches my daughter I'm going to point it out to you and if you still ignore it, I will draw your attention to it by twisting the flesh under your arm like he does hers. Now you have two choices, which will it be.

You offer a solution if they refuse it, you start trenching in.

Know this is your leverage. They have no self authority with CHILDREN how are they going to stand up to an adult mother in her full faculties --they can't.

I'd do the same in your situation, if those little piss ants have something to say to your daughter stand up and make them say it to you. Confront them with it. Confont the teacher with it and at the time of the episode make them do something. Your daughter is not the sacrificial lamb to be slaughted just so a veneer of peace can be kept. You are her authority, you become her stand in. Do what the teachers won't do. I give group riding instructions, I'm the teacher there, when one of them starts in on another, they are off shoveling **** for the remainder of the day. We have no prolbems with that. The mother's get pissed so I say, Hey I have other kids to keep safe, take him elsewhere then." But mostly the mother's are supportive.


The school liason officer. The one who we used to call the truant office. Contact them too. If you need to keep holding your kid out of school let the truant officer know in advance WHY. There's a lot of people involved in this not just the bullies, and the limp teachers . You have lots of resources.

The teacher on this end, her choice was to call the police. So I said, "Good.The first evidence he will shown by me, is the bruises on my daughter's arms."

You may be a gentle soul but you're a mother, so I know mother bear is with you somewhere. Call her up-- if you start murderous you know she's there but understand that feeling murderous is not the same as BEING murderous. Your essential gentility will tame the beast and that anger will be channeled into strength to follow through and not back down.

Your situation doesn't sound like it involves physical interference but one of my friends taught my daughter a few basic martial artist hits. Pop him in the chin, pop him in the nose when he touches you. Ariel didn't want to. And I didn't blame her, but I said," we tried to play by THEIR rules and their not having it because they are not abiding by their own principals."

My daughter in spite of it all being a little on the chubby side, didn't come out of grammar school with the greatest of confidence to meet challenges in jr and high school. So I got her into some confidence inspiring activities. Horse back riding. Many of my students and her students are special needs kids, autisic, dislexic, and she's spun a 180 with that. She doesn't take any **** from a 1500 horse she is not taking it from some 200 pound bully. This is not going over well in her highschool life, but she's safe and she didn't create those conditions that prompt her to have to do that. They did .

God knows that school does not want me in their face anymore. I may be bit direct and abrupt but I got bullied in school. My uncle, my father, my cousins that attended school with me took the direct approach. My cousins maintained they were only ones who could torment me so they kicked the living **** out of those who pushed me around. My father just walked in and drug the principal over his desk and beat the **** out him. I think I've toned done my approach from theirs so...


But when the teachers can't maintain a safe enviroment .....We can't solve anything when that occurs so we have to do find our own solutions. You can't say we didn't try. Your daughter can't be instilled with the notion that no matter how hard she tries she's the one who is failing when it is SHE who is being failed by the system.

I live in a small community. I visited mothers, I visited their churches, I made nice with THIER pastors and ministers who were very interested to know how their charming little congression brats were behaving outside of church.. I visited their sports coaches, their music teachers, anyone they were involved with in an extracurricular way. I made sure everyone knew what their little brats were doing. Comments in the local paper. I made sure mother's who didn't have little abusive brats knew what was up, and mothers whose kids gets were getting milled by the systems. I found them too. They began supporting each other. Find that one PTA PTO busybody she will be a savior. They think they are running the school.

My last resort was to call one of the national bullying advocates so they could send an advocate out. That means the school gets nationwide attention. It didnt' go that far.

They may be good teachers, and wonderful people but they don't have what it takes to make a safe environment. They need to set up a system of actions and consequences and let the kids hang themselves. They'll learn fast.

I warned them then. After my kid goes through this whole thing, do you want her in highschool acting out the abuse she suffered here. Its certainly not coming from home. The didn't care. They care now that she's in highschool. Now they have no leverage. Suspend her , I don't care. They have to have the parents punish to support what ever discipline the school dispenses and I don't. I tried to head it all off at the pass years ago so now their self created little bird has come home to roost.



You cannot imagine how much both your words touch me. Definitly needed. I would also lay hand on her, good idea Unified Serenity.

I can't homeschool being a single mother I need to work to put food on the table. I thought of changing her class, but it is a small school for learning disabled that are mostly deeply dyslexic, and few classes of the same levels, and they all work together across classes. Changing school could be detrimental because she is surrounded by specialists and she has wondeful teachers.

I forgot to tell that she was so good in primary school that they made her jump one year upon arrival in high school, so that she would not loose time if she decide to go to College (which in itself would be a miracle, most dysphasics do not even end up primary schooling). She is also a musician and singer, this is her passion and it does help her.

I am fine with Hoopoonoo, any time, thanks.

thanks Carmen, i am in Canada and she goes to a special school for learning disabled (with normal intelligence and supposedly no behavior problems). The teacher is listening to me, I just do not know how equipped she is to do anything worth it while not putting my daughter more into rejection from the students. I need to equip the teacher, that is what I feel. Thanks

[Siberia9]

9eagle9, I think I love you hehehehe. you get todays gold star kid:man_in_love:

[Flash]

9eagle9, I think I love you hehehehe. you get todays gold star kid:man_in_love:

I love her too but it may look weird :hail: - I don't want to be bullied!:suspicious: May as well make a bit of fun with the situation.


Eagle 9: There is no force on earth like a pissed off mother, think mother bear, think lioness with her cubs. Forget about for the moment what Jesus would do and think about what the white lioness would do. God made her too.
......"We will NOT leave this room, until a solution is found and intiated and you sign a document stating as such.And it will be enforced."

If they cannot take authority you have to. They have none and you are the final authority over your daughter.

I went and sat in the class room because the teacher said she didn't 'notice' Louis twisiting the skin under Ariel's upper arm. The bruises there were all I needed to see. It seemed pretty simple to me.Change the seating arrangement.


I am getting there, pissed off. I thought of that too, sitting in the class. In fact, I thought of designing a program for them that would be implemented with my help (incliuding sitting in the class and having the bullies handle the bullying wihtout having their friends to the rescue). Yesterday, my daughter told me "I must not be the only one bullied at school, may be i should find the others and we could do something altogether" What a great idea I answered! As well I thought of contacting the parents at first, but worst, I will have the school doing it and showing me proofs of the work they did.

I am very greatful for all the input you all give me because it will help me design the approach, individually for my daughter and also for the school, with all the alternatives to fall back on if my first approach does not work. I can be a tough cookie.

That school has done wonders for lots of kids in the past. And my young teenager is a good one creating no problems. They plainly just dropped the ball on invisible bullying and I do presume it is because of a lack of strict guidelines to be followed and repeated again and again. The structure to avoid bullying is not implemented. Also, some teachers need some training and hard core understanding of what bullies are about (power and manipulation to give an outward skeleton (lobster style) to support the inner emptiness).


Celtman: asked my daughter to befriend that one girl next day. I also asked her if that girl had any friends, the answer was yes!
So I explained that if she befriended that girl, she would then become friends with her friends etc etc.

.......And yet we wonder, IF there are evolved aliens watching us humans, why would they want to come among us, when so many of us continue to behave like savages?

It seems that WE ARE the evolved alines watching humans - at leats it is often the way I feel, oblige to civilise the savages.

Good idea for the befriending of the good ones. I could even give her spare money to make sure she pays the lunches for a while or something like that, until they personnally know her (she is nice, intelligent and sweet, she could be a good friend)


Ernie Nemeth: Thanks Unified Serenity.
If you only knew...

What could we know Ernie? Please share.


jcocks: Honestly though, at this stage I'd say remove her from the school to start with. Look closely and find a school that clicks with you - and your daughter. You want her feeling comfortable.
I asked her if she wanted to be homeschooled through the internet - she said she would go nuts not to see people - I ask her if she wanted to change school, she said no, it would be as bad elsewhere, she just want to solve the problem and make few friends. But thanks, she may change her mind.


Starchild 111: Have your daughter keep a paper each day, and each offense, she needs to write down what is said, and who said it, and what time. (if this is possible, and appropriate for her).

Could be a good idea, taping the offenses as well, i will check with her giving her all the alternatives. She will definitly be involved all the time, except that I will be the final decision maker, mostly as it concern how to act with the actual school.


Newfounderhome: Jasmin Roy in Québec might also give you some good info and more.

The organisation has been recommended today by someone in the province, they are advocate against bullying in schools, it seems that when they get involved, everybody moves and takes charge (they have the abilities to make changes it seems). So thanks again.


Wolf _ rt: don't get too wrapped up in 'love & light'... balance is key.

NO FEAR

I am very aware of balance and no fear, no wrapping in love and light, we are in 3D. Thanks for the encouragement.

Viralspiral: thank you for the video, very inspiring


Smiller 113: Find a Judo club or school in your area




yes, this is a good idea. It is also good for the body in terms of sport activity. Thank you.


Chiquetet: Call me harsh, but I only see two ways and both are hard and require a strong determination:

She's got to have her backbone together and stand up to the bullies, verbally and physically.
She's got to teach herself to let it not hit her and to realize, that the others are pityful individuals behaving in a despicable way. This way she could stand up to them exposing their weaknesses verbally.

Not harsh, rather realistic. Thanks


Modwiz: I recommend sterilization because euthanasia is not an option. Bad seeds produce bad fruit. This planet needs cleaning up.


Good idea Modwiz but I cannot suggest it to the school, nor to the schoolboard, not even to the ministry of Education. I would be put on a terrorist list. I would be the one they watch. :rolleyes: LOL


jagman: Has I read threw the responses to your situation, I felt really proud to be a member here.

I agree, thanks to everyone, great insights and ideas. There is no doubt that the members here will be a big element into my daughter well being.

Also rest assure everyone, I will not force her into anything. Se was already push through so many treatments and therapies throughout her youth, this she will have to decide quite a lot on. I am the guide only for her, and the watchdog towards te school (a big one, intelligent, well trained that can bite if needed, or waged its tail if needed, thanks to all of you).

[Flash]

Just a comment here: my daughter showed me the video of Lady Gaga's telephone song with Beyonce, that teenagers would repeat listening over and over again. Gosh Am I glad she showed me. What was interesting her is that the song is 3 minutes but the video 10 minutes because there is a whole story board integrated into the video.

But what a story: naked women jailed, kissing each other, naked women with a chain around her, full of violence, then release from jail to be told she will commit again, then Fuc ed up Gaga and Beyonce goes in their car to a restaurant and mass poison everybody, as if poisoning for fun was totally alright, to finally both in a cape (black and white) saying that they will never come back (seem to mean earth).

I could discuss the disgusting side of the video with my dauhgte and discuss the bullying related to it.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVBsypHzF3U

No wonder kids are bullying each other, this is litterally extreme violence and excessive degradation of humans.

[CeltMan]

"Quote Celtman: asked my daughter to befriend that one girl next day. I also asked her if that girl had any friends, the answer was yes!
So I explained that if she befriended that girl, she would then become friends with her friends etc etc.

.......And yet we wonder, IF there are evolved aliens watching us humans, why would they want to come among us, when so many of us continue to behave like savages?
It seems that WE ARE the evolved alines watching humans - at leats it is often the way I feel, oblige to civilise the savages.

Good idea for the befriending of the good ones. I could even give her spare money to make sure she pays the lunches for a while or something like that, until they personnally know her (she is nice, intelligent and sweet, she could be a good friend)"

===========
hi Flash,

You know something, i really agree, ...that your daughter could make a GREAT friend...to many

And never forget..'What does not kill us makes us stronger'..and that is TRUE!!

[Ernie Nemeth]

I meant only that this bullying tactic is behind the entire social structure of our modern world. What do you think sanctions are? And freezing the financial porfolios of countries is another form of aggressive lobying. What about embargos? Is that not forcing the will of the strong upon the weak? In business, it's the hostile takeovers, leveraged buyouts, price wars. These are all bullying tactics. These tactics pervade every area of our daily lives in various forms. It is often the means used to obtain status, notoriety or fame, career advancement, power and control.

Bullying is not a random, isolated instance of some young child acting inappropriatly. It is a rampant symptom of a society in decline and decay.

There are so many incredible people on this forum it can sometimes be forgotten for a brief instant of time. But then they give of themselves, they band together, they create solutions, they shine their lights for all to see and remember. Thanks folks.

Flash, hope you and your daughter work it out, for yourselves and for the community in which you live.
And so it is.

[Mandala]

Hi, I deal with bullying on a regular basis. It is so prevalent not only in our schools, but in the business world and life in general. It is so out of control, that many states are hiring specialists and coming up with programs to present to students.

The sad fact is that most of the kids covertly perform this bullying behavior, and many teachers are either negligent to it, or would rather not deal with it. Many adults perceive it as "simple growing up pains and behavior". However, it is torture to kids and downright nasty.

Bullying is repeated, has an imbalance of power and is purposeful (meant to hurt, embarrass or torment another).

As you heard in earlier posts, there are many states and areas that have instituted laws against bullying since so many children have committed bullycide, (suicide caused from excessive bullying).

Relational Aggression is behavior orchestrated by girls (usually), who cleverly manipulate and alienate other girls without many adults being aware of the situation. This was made most obvious by the Mean Girls movie, which in itself it is an education. I see these girls working their power on others from 5th through 12th grade. The Mean Girls are the scariest to me because they are so slick and sick with their behavior. I perceive a lot of these girls never getting off their power trip and carrying it into the work place where they continue their game of thrones.

Some kids see this as a key to popularity. When I have interviewed some bullies, I find they have learned this from their parents who bully the wait staff at restaurants or clerks in stores. Others are bullied by others in their family and need to repeat the behavior at school on someone they perceive as weaker.

I try to look for the bystanders to interview and ask them if they realize how much pain is being caused to the victim/target. Many of these kids join in but really would not initiate it. I try to modify their behavior.

Have regular conversations with your child. Let her know you will do your best to try to get them to stop. Remind her that some kids that do this to hurt others have not learned, or do not understand how much pain they are causing. There are some who may not care.

Some of the victims I have worked with have gotten enough strength to ask the bullies face to face , "Why would you want to do something that would hurt me so badly?" Some are dumbfounded and can not answer, and a couple said because it is funny. One of my girls told the bully that said it was funny, "What kind of person does that make you... Are you ok? I hope you feel better soon." The next day there were no bystanders to join in.

I believe you have rights and number one, is for the school system to provide a safe and secure learning environment for your child. They are responsible for making sure the kids stop this behavior.

In our county in Florida, bullying now goes straight to an administrator for investigation and to make sure it is stopped. The legal pursuits are endless if protocol has been established. Our school personnel are deathly afraid of the news becoming involved. (TV, Newspapers, Human Rights Advocates, etc.)

Best of Luck, your child is precious.

[Dorjezigzag]

I feel your pain and do not have time to read through all the replys but can just give some suggestions that come to mind that have probably been suggested allready. Firstly research diet, this can make a tremedous difference. I can imagine fish, nuts and blue berrys could help. Avoid any pescribed medicinal drugs, keep it natural. Also help her to feel proud of her uniqueness. Many learning difficulties although they have there down sides, have there up sides.For instance dyslexics although they have spelling difficulties are often very spacialy aware so much so that 3d graphics companies view dyslexia as a positive. I am sure there are positives associated with your daughters condition. It is my hunch that your daughter diagnosed with dysphasia has synchronistic abilities. she will be fine and will only become stronger by her experience. There are some nasty kids out there but also there are many beautiful ones who will help her pull through.

[Mandala]

It is interesting that during this thread, I wondered how many people on Avalon have ever been bullied during their lifetime. I have. In childhood by kids and aso in adulthood at work. Both despicable and ego-centered behavior. For instance: Think back, have you ever had that kid that tried or that adult at work that tried to get laughs at your expense? It may be hard for some to admit or remember.

[Unified Serenity]

It is interesting that during this thread, I wondered how many people on Avalon have ever been bullied during their lifetime. I have. In childhood by kids and aso in adulthood at work. Both despicable and ego-centered behavior. For instance: Think back, have you ever had that kid that tried or that adult at work that tried to get laughs at your expense? It may be hard for some to admit or remember.

****, I'm bullied on Avalon! LMFAO

[Ernie Nemeth]

No one since grade school. There I put a stop to it right quick.

Since, but less and less, there have been incidences at work but because of my exceptional skill at my job, the bullying did not rally support. One time, a young apprentice got this idea for a joke. In the morning he'd come in and sneak up on me and get me in a hold I could not break out of. It was funny, at my expense, and I did not like it and told him so. He did it the next day and the next. I warned him, told him he would not see it coming. The next time he did it, I picked him up with my back, stomped over to a set of stairs and flipped him over my back and down the stairs. Needless to say, he never tried that again.
Most times, though, I have often found it easier, safer and psychologically calmer to just quit and find another job. When you're the best it ain't hard to find work, just gotta get my foot in the door, that's all.

[mosquito]

Flash, my heart goes out to you and your daughter.

I was biullied at school, and at home, so I know exactly how she feels. I wish I had some profound advice for you, but I haven't. There's tons and tons of useful suggestions here, empower yourself as a mother and let your daughter know she's loved. As usual, 9eagle9 has come up with some of the best suggestions, I hope you can put some of them into practice.

Some people here don't seem to understand that girl bulleying is very different to boy bulleying, it's normally a lot more subtle and long term.

Unfortunately, I think the teachers are also disempowered, they literally can't touch children and if they criticize them or discipline them in any way, THEY (the teachers) are seen as the bulleys, and the former bulleys become victims. Heaven forbid the bulleys should ever be excluded, that simply puts them into the category of "special needs" children, and the local authorities will just pamper them.

[kcbc2010]

I, too, was bullied at school. I'm now the parent of a child in Special Ed. I'm in the States and my son's been blessed with great teachers. Everyone gave you such great suggestions that there's not much else I can really add, except to say that home schooling isn't as isolated as some would make it appear to be.

Also, not every school is a good fit for each student that goes there. I'd definitely get legal representation and start keeping records (e-mails/phone calls) about who you talk to and when and what the response was from the school. When you start showing the principal and administrators evidence, they are more likely to pay attention. If you are paying tuition for her to go to the school, then I'd look at pulling her out and sending your money elsewhere if the situation doesn't improve.

I know it's a tough place to be, but I think everyone would agree when I say "we've got your back." We will be thinking of both of you in our thoughts/prayers.

Also, let your daughter know that it's not "being a chicken" if she leaves the school on her own terms. Sometimes, these battles are meant to be fought. Other times, these battles are meant to tell you that it's time to move on to a new/better situation. Sometimes a teacher can only teach us so much and then it's time to find a new one who can expand on the knowledge the previous one has given. It's up to us to figure out the difference. <<huggles>>

[Flash]

To let you know the progress of interventions almost live:

1. I sent most of what you all gave me, ideas for the school interventions, impact on everyone, etc. as well as a long descriptive of what is happening to the two main teachers and the school principal and her assistant. The school principal called me back today.

2. She had received an anonymous e-mail as well, probably from a parent (from the way it was written) saying that a student in second grade high school was bullied and it gave my daughter's name.

3. They insured me that bullying would not be tolerated at all and that immediate action would be taken to correct the situation.

4. My daughter will meet the principal tomorrow morning (she is starting school again tomorrow). The principal told me it was to convince her that interventions would give results and were necessary. She is right bercause my daughter does not stop telling me that nothing can be done.

5. Intervention in the class starting with the main bulliers will be made, one by one, as the priincipal told me "to make sure your daughter goes home feeling good and them feeling bad for a few days". Then there will be something with the whole class to which my daughter won't assist (to my demand), activity which remains to be determine.

6. If nothing works, we will see what can be done.

Many many thanks to all of you. Not only did I feel supported but you were instrumental in giving lots of ideas to the school.

I will keep you all posted on the results, as they happen, and ask for help again if need. Thanks again

[seko]

To let you know the progress of interventions almost live:

1. I sent most of what you all gave me, ideas for the school interventions, impact on everyone, etc. as well as a long descriptive of what is happening to the two main teachers and the school principal and her assistant. The school principal called me back today.

2. She had received an anonymous e-mail as well, probably from a parent (from the way it was written) saying that a student in second grade high school was bullied and it gave my daughter's name.

3. They insured me that bullying would not be tolerated at all and that immediate action would be taken to correct the situation.

4. My daughter will meet the principal tomorrow morning (she is starting school again tomorrow). The principal told me it was to convince her that interventions would give results and were necessary. She is right bercause my daughter does not stop telling me that nothing can be done.

5. Intervention in the class starting with the main bulliers will be made, one by one, as the priincipal told me "to make sure your daughter goes home feeling good and them feeling bad for a few days". Then there will be something with the whole class to which my daughter won't assist (to my demand), activity which remains to be determine.

6. If nothing works, we will see what can be done.

Many many thanks to all of you. Not only did I feel supported but you were instrumental in giving lots of ideas to the school.

I will keep you all posted on the results, as they happen, and ask for help again if need. Thanks again

That's why we are here for Flash, to help one and all.

Thanks to you for listening to all of us and acting on it.

Looking forward for your updates.

[alienHunter]

My daughter is a designated ambassador at her middle school. Her role is to discourage bullying when she sees it occurring and to attempt to defuse the situation by distraction and reminding the perpetrators of personal consequences. Her suggestion is to speak with the principal and ask to hold an assembly about bullying and have the principal state that anyone bullying will be punished accordingly and reaffirm to the student body that bystanders should take action to intervene when they see it occur. Seems my input is a little late...vacations, you know.

It sounds as if things are getting better...good.

[Flash]

I just found a marvelous site by the Federation of teachers in Ontario on bullying. All the indications, tools, games, everything is there to help at school. If any of you ever have suggestions and help to give teachers, this would make a good stretch of the way. So, I put this informtion for further parents who could be looking for help as well. Thanks

http://www.safeatschool.ca/index.php?q=en/home

[Flash]

Thanks to everyone for the much needed help you all gave me, it was much appreciated.

The help I received was really appreciated. My daughter is now doing fine, not much bullying at school anymore The school director intervened right away and I thought at firts it would not do much but she succeeded with her approach. The main bully turned around and behaves more like a friend now, another girl just took for my daughter and another one started to speak to her.

I also had her start some sessions with a therapist specialising in learning disabilities such as aphasia (like mine used to be) and with teenagers, therefore including bullying. Real nice lady. She is starting with self esteem.

Furthermore, I invited the bitch to my daughter's birthday, paid the restaurant to everybody, my daughter behaving as if it was from her, and had them the whole week end home. They saw and participated in everything my daughter does (music, singing, piano, chat, facebook, etc - had splash on facebook with guys etc). I profited of this to pass some messages at brunch on sunday, the gentle way as I can. It was quite profitable for my daughter.

And me I am ready to be a politician with these teenager stuff.

Thanks everyone.

[sandy]

Way to go Flash!! I'm so happy and pleased for your daughter and you!!

[Flash]

Those who were here last year know very well how sensitive I am to bullying, either in school, on the web, anywhere. This post is precisely to keep all of you posted on the subsequent happening in regard to my daughter bullying at school last year.

My daughter who was the target of intense bullying at school and somewhat on the web last year is now much better. She still does not have an overall good social experience at school but has made many more friends outside of school which is great.

At school, the bullying stopped, but a circle of friends has not been created to protect her. However, I had to intervene in a quite strong manner with the teachers and the school director to make sure it stops.

The director first intervened with the 2 worst bullies, and they stopped. The other 10 who were one by one throwing bad comments at her during the day stopped after the teacher made a real big intervention in the class. However, bullying through exclusion (not taken her in for group exercices, not speaking to her, not answered her on facebook, etc.) was still taking place. And my daughter would still come home crying.

So I ask for a meeting with the director and the teachers. There were the school director and 4 teachers and the school psychologist who were there. They told me that my daughter was ultra sensitive, that the classroom was filled with very girlish girls which my daughter is not (she is not as superficial as the others, although she is a teenager as well), that all they could do was to help my daughter to strenghten herself for improved self confidence and affirmation. They told me that acceptation from others has to come naturally, through every day circumstances, that it cannot be forced upon teenagers. They were putting the efforts to make in order to change the situation all on my daughter's back.

When I see situations like this, I can be very self controlled, business like, and demanding, my non verbal speaks by itself as well. So...

My answer was, I agree on acceptation from every day circumstances, then why wasn't she put up front and offered to sing many songs during the musical they presented, since she is already a good singer? As I had asked the art teacher, as she had herself asked her art teacher (who did not like her by the way). Why was she given only one song and a full octave too high for her voice, even if she ask the teacher to get it down, so that she could have difficulties (she succeeded but i what price)? this was a natural place to stand out and be good and recongized by her peers. Why?.

I told them that I would not leave my daughter anylonger in a place where she comes home every night crying, that she still had 3 years of high school to do, and it would not be in these circumstances.

I also told them that they could be an example of good bullying control, mostly in a school specialised for learning disabilities, having children that have been bullied in public schools and that some kids in the province just recently suicided for lack of care from school directors and teachers.

They answered that because the number of student is small, it would be difficult to reorganise the classes for next year but they would try.

I did let the summer go, and in September, my daughter was in another class, all the bullies removed. As she said "there is no more bitches in my class". Although she does not make friends readily, at least she is not bullied day in and day out. This also means that a teacher agreed to have all the difficult cases in one single class, the only other class of the same level. So Z is doing fine now.

There was some luck with it that came from my daughter's behavior, she is very sweet, hard worker and intelligent, and much love by most teachers except for the art teacher. So the teachers wanted to help and this is no thanks to me, but rather thanks to her own personality. I cannot imagine what kind of support would have a kid with a more turbulent behavior.

So I would very much like to thank all of you who were sooooo helpful last year, I truly greatly appreciated.

[sleepy]

xxxxxx xxxxx

[Tarka the Duck]

Wonderful news, Flash. Wonderful...
Much love to you and your daughter
Kathie

[Flash]

One excellent ressource I found last year came from the Ontario teachers associations here for those in need or resources

http://www.bullyingawareness.ca/teacher-resources

http://www.osstf.on.ca/Default.aspx?DN=56733f05-75b0-4d31-9de1-01a1c52089f2

a very good one here

http://www.edu.gov.on.ca/eng/safeschools/what.html

I had inundated the director and teachers of websites and videos all of you guys/gals had provided me. LOL under the pretense of helping them. My message was clear, do something.

[GrnEggsNHam]

there is suicidal ideas my daughter shared with me.

Surround your daughter with loved ones every chance you get when she is outside of school. I myself had suicidal thoughts at one time as a child(I never shared them). You know what stopped me from action? Leaving the ones I loved behind. Every Sunday we visited my Mother's side of the family for lunch(at Grandma's house). Most of my cousins would be there. These are the people who kept me going through the hardships of being singled out at school. They were other children(some older some younger) but they are family and the bonds are strong. It sounds like your daughter is very kind. I was not, I lashed out and the other kids feared me(asphyxiating one boy until he passed out, he could not steal the basketball from me so he hit me with a rock from behind. It was a strong lesson for me and I was not aware how easily I could almost kill) and this only secluded me more. I had a lot of growing up to do, just as the other children do who bully. It's ironic but I gained 1 friend from that scenario and he was also a victim of bullying.

I know I am quoting an old post but I am sure the problem still persists in some form or more likely it's much worse.

[Strat]

You are one rockin' mom. Good to hear your daughter is doing well.

[EsmaEverheart]

I am so glad to hear that things are working out better for your daughter. I have thought about what she was going through a lot since last year and would send her love any time I thought of her.

[Flash]

Thank you EggsNHam, Strat, Esma for having sent to thought of love for my daughter. She really needed it and still does. She had a tough young life all around (except for her really loving mom).

[Robert J. Niewiadomski]

Maybe your daughter would like to start a new school club based on her skills or interests? Maybe some social work in the neighborhood project to engage other students from school and create some opportunity for interactions...

Something like (but not exactly) "The Urban Farming Guys"?
AyRMvXZIKaw

The Urban Farming Guys webpage:
http://theurbanfarmingguys.com/

and thread on Avalon:
http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?29548-The-Urban-Farming-Guys&p=299578&viewfull=1#post299578

Just something to give your daughter a chance to be closer to like minded people...

Sorry if you find my post is off-topic or off the wall...

[Flash]

This is far from crazy Robert, and it would make my daughter move more. I live next to a bad zip code as well, I will bring the idea to the city's community organisation, cause we were looking for a way to get the young trouble makers do something worthwile, we wanted to enlist the city's black community as well. I do not know if my daughter will participate though. I really think it is a good idea. And there is some land along a train track.

As for my daughter, her schoolmate comes from all over, some drive often 2 hours in and 2 hours out to get to that special school. It would be difficult to get them all together. But hey, after singing, piano and danse, she could do community work. I will give her another 2 years and encourage her in this direction (I did it when I was 19, a full year, in Canada and in El Salvador).

[TigaHawk]

I think kids need to be taught how to deal with bullies.

TBH i think most of grades 1-3 should be spent teaching kids how to identify their emotions, understand what they are feeling, how to express what they are feeling apropriately (if your angry you tell the person thats making you angry that they are - how they are doing it and request they stop, rather than walking up and punching them in the face.. kinda thing) - Alot of emphasis needs to be placed on "Treat others how you expect to be treated". Alot of the problems people have with eachother today is not recognising their own feelings and actions, how they impact themselves and others, and how others react.


As of today I am off work on stress leave. My boss has been bullying and harassing me. on Tuesday he pulled me asside in a meeting room to have a chat, pretty much gave me warnings for no good reason (other than to re-enforce his bullying and "im the boss you will put up with this or i'll give you a written warning!" attitude)

My problem with this person for the most part is i cannot talk to him. I try - he interupts, every time. If i continue to try, he continues to interupt, and his voice keeps going up in volume rapidly, so if you try to explain or defend yourself or say ANYTHIGN other than what he wants to hear - the entire office ends up turning around to see what is going on.

We seem to focus on bullying alot in school - but its mostly how to stop the bully's. This doesnt help you as an adult deal with adult bully's at all. You feel like your back in the classroom again, but the difference is it's the teacher thats doing the bullying, and you all know how teachers are best mates with the principal's...

I am still scared of what is going to happen when i go back to work next week. Have i just prevoked the dragon by trying to stand up for myself? Will he be there now with pen and paper noting down every single thing i do wrong so im ejected from the company first avaliable chance for challenging him? It sucks feeling so powerless because you rely on this place of work to feed yourself and your dependants, and keep the roof over your head, especialy when your employer knows how bad unemployment is, and that you "should be greatfull" for your job, purely because you have one.

:(