Sorry about this....

[wolf_rt]

I am angry. Angry at myself, angry at my limitations.
I am scared. Scared of my limitations, scared of my potential, terrified to look inside...

I don't have a big Ego... just a strong one.

15 years of collecting information hasn't helped me a bit.

I can't seem to go forward, and i definitely can't go back

I don't want to let go of my individuality, and yet my individuality amounts to nothing.

I don't want power, yet i want to destroy (myself)

I am most scared of failure, and yet by lack of an attempt (at what?) i am the biggest failure of all

I don't want to give my power away, and yet here i am doing exactly that.

What to do? What to do?

I want to kill somebody, but there is no one i hate. (Me?)



Sooo... I want to kill my ego... but i am too scared... and i have not the slightest idea of how to go about it anyway.

If i could drag it out the back and shoot it like a feral dog, i would.

Meditation? I can close my eyes and still my mind... but it doesn't help


I want people to fear me, but it doesn't make me feel better (in the long run).

I am dangerous and unpredictable, but i don't want to hurt anyone ('Who' doesn't? 'Who' does?)
I don't want to turn myself loose on the world, but perhaps i am just scared of how impotent i would be if i did?

So MASTER what the F*** do i do now? *spits on ground in contempt (of myself)*

[Amysenthia]

Hi Wolf_rt

You seem to answer your own question with the quote at the bottom of your post.

Another good analogy of the struggle you describe when on the path is to remember the fruit will only drop from the tree when it is ripe. You can not rush this process it must happen on its own and in its own time. Be patient with yourself and realize that the frustrations you feel are associated with growth. Everyone has the emotions that you are having. It is what you do with those emotions that shows how far you have grown. When you are almost "ripe" you will learn to sit back, relax, and let it all happen as it will.

[Cidersomerset]

Don't panic Wolf....Your 'Awake' thats the main thing imho we are all angry, happy, confused at some part of this proccess and the IOWA
result had me shouting at the news this morning......

I, maybe like you feel I am suffering from information overload and there always seems to be more questions than answers....
Afew years ago before I got on the net I thought how great it would be if I could find somewhere I could readily access from
home !!! and low and behold fate/destiny or whatever you want to call it has led us here and to similar sites and I know now,
I am far from alone and one of many looking for the 'Truth'....Steve

[wolf_rt]

I don't believe in any external deity... So believe in myself??? but i'm the problem....

but thank you, that does make sense to me on some level.

[Cidersomerset]

I don't believe in a all knowing deity either ....unless its the universe itselfe as we are all made out of Star Dust'..

What is the meaning of life..???...'The Galaxy song' ...boggles the mind !!

buqtdpuZxvk

[pyrangello]

Wolf sent you an email , you'll get it together , your half way there now and many from this family of avalon will show you the rest of the way.

[Pete]

wolf
the fact that you are facing these thoughts is surely a sign that you are progressing. It's only your ego that's telling you that it's not happening fast enough or that you feel unable to shed your ego in the first place.
you are awake, you are aware, you are exactly where you should be.

relax and enjoy the ride.

[Jenci]

Hi Wolf

Something is moving you to this point which is not your ego. This is good.

But it's your ego which is contemplating whether it needs to be destroyed. Of course, it will say No.

Mooji has a great line about what happens when the ego sees it's own destruction imminent - he says that it brings it's cousins out to help in the fight. Yes, the ego has a lot of power!

But none of this can affect you, just know this.

A lot of feelings are arising.
It's frightening and unpleasant.
There's no going back but you are stuck - this is often referred to as "caught in the tiger's mouth"

Can you just be with these feelings?
Just allow them to be exactly what they are?

Your ego is very noisy right now as it puts up this fight and it has caught your attention.
Where attention goes, energy goes.
More energy, more ego.

When you notice the ego, instead of commenting on what it's doing can you shift your attention to what's noticing it?
And just rest there as that Awareness.

I've put some suggestion in this post on how to practice allowing everything to Be, exactly as it is. Perhaps it may help you.
http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?36077-What-is-Meditation

Jeanette

[crested-duck]

We've most likely all here at PA felt exactly the same, at one time or another. All you can do is follow your heart where ever it leads to, and try to do the best we can with what we have, at any given moment. Beliefs change, opinions change, whatever we're looking at changes when you change the perspective of the view. It's just plain soul evolution, we're all evolving at different levels of conciousness. This too shall pass. Do'nt take yourself and life too seriously. Hope this reassures you're normal , and ok .

[EnergyGardener]

Wolf Rt

A slant of optimism is in order here (the glass is half full): I am not understanding your discourse toward destruction or the invitation toward the negative, "I want people to fear me, but it doesn't make me feel better (in the long run)."

Recognizing the need for confidence to step out out the door (literally and figuratively) to fight your self-appointed battles (I sincerely believe this), perhaps you would feel better about yourself and your purpose if you focused upon "Service to Others," and let go of your concern (and it appears, spiraling obsession) of failure to self? Who are you trying to impress? I suspect upon stepping to the other side the only applause we are to receive (before or after) is our own. However, do give yourself credit for reaching out for help, which I sincerely hope this is.

If there are no higher forms of energy (in your/our world), electrons wouldn't spin (vibrate), matter wouldn't communicate (gravity, electromagnetics, light, etc.) and you would not have the capacity to even make your post, not to mention, select the most amazing crop circle photo with your profile.

Wolf Rt, if you need personal comfort, time to let information dream itself together, and most important, rest: is there a possibility for you to take a walkabout to Uluru? As an added bonus, there you will also have no background light to interfere with your night view of the beautiful Southern Sky. Then...

Fill someone else's glass and you might just fill your own,


EnergyGardener

[wolf_rt]

A slant of optimism is in order here (the glass is half full): I am not understanding your discourse toward destruction or the invitation toward the negative, "I want people to fear me, but it doesn't make me feel better (in the long run)."

I don't understand it either EnergyGardener, i definatly do have a darkness inside me... i could very easily take pleasure in the fear and pain of others if i allowed myself to... I have built up some VERY sturdy walls around this part of myself. I think these walls need to come down in order to progress, but i'm sure you can see why i am hesitant to do this. or even how to do this at this point?
My walls are 'up' to the point where i really don't FEEL any emotion anymore (other than self loathing) i can 'deduce' my emotion.. but not feel it.


Recognizing the need for confidence to step out out the door (literally and figuratively) to fight your self-appointed battles (I sincerely believe this), perhaps you would feel better about yourself and your purpose if you focused upon "Service to Others," and let go of your concern (and it appears, spiraling obsession) of failure to self? Who are you trying to impress? I suspect upon stepping to the other side the only applause we are to receive (before or after) is our own. However, do give yourself credit for reaching out for help, which I sincerely hope this is.


It certainly is a cry for help, Who am i trying to impress? good point.. i will meditate ( :-) thanks Jeanette) on that.


If there are no higher forms of energy (in your/our world), electrons wouldn't spin (vibrate), matter wouldn't communicate (gravity, electromagnetics, light, etc.) and you would not have the capacity to even make your post, not to mention, select the most amazing crop circle photo with your profile.

Wolf Rt, if you need personal comfort, time to let information dream itself together, and most important, rest: is there a possibility for you to take a walkabout to Uluru? As an added bonus, there you will also have no background light to interfere with your night view of the beautiful Southern Sky. Then...

Fill someone else's glass and you might just fill your own,


EnergyGardener

I can be a selfish git.. no doubt about it... something to work on directly there.

Cheers mate.

[NewFounderHome]

I am angry. Angry at myself, angry at my limitations.
I am scared. Scared of my limitations, scared of my potential, terrified to look inside...

I don't have a big Ego... just a strong one.

15 years of collecting information hasn't helped me a bit.

I can't seem to go forward, and i definitely can't go back

I don't want to let go of my individuality, and yet my individuality amounts to nothing.

I don't want power, yet i want to destroy (myself)

I am most scared of failure, and yet by lack of an attempt (at what?) i am the biggest failure of all

I don't want to give my power away, and yet here i am doing exactly that.

What to do? What to do?

I want to kill somebody, but there is no one i hate. (Me?)



Sooo... I want to kill my ego... but i am too scared... and i have not the slightest idea of how to go about it anyway.

If i could drag it out the back and shoot it like a feral dog, i would.

Meditation? I can close my eyes and still my mind... but it doesn't help


I want people to fear me, but it doesn't make me feel better (in the long run).

I am dangerous and unpredictable, but i don't want to hurt anyone ('Who' doesn't? 'Who' does?)
I don't want to turn myself loose on the world, but perhaps i am just scared of how impotent i would be if i did?

So MASTER what the F*** do i do now? *spits on ground in contempt (of myself)*

Oh! I thought I was alone thinking like that! And to answer to folk's that say then my ego wants to go fast. I will answer, YES I WANT TO MOVE ALONGE i have been in this stage along enough.

[9eagle9]

Healing Crisis.

emphasis the word "healing".



I am angry. Angry at myself, angry at my limitations.
I am scared. Scared of my limitations, scared of my potential, terrified to look inside...


Good its okay to be scared. And Angry. If someone tells you its not okay or implies its not okay to be scared or angry tell them to **** off.

Stop judging the feeling and just be scared for a while. Or angry. You don't have to do anything with those emotions they are a clue for you. Just sit in them for a few moments and you will see that nothing is happening. Being brought to the surface, bringing out the worst in you, to be blown. Just be okay with your fright and anger, don't judge it, don't resist it and it will start lifting. You may have to rinse and repeat. You might be terrified to look inside but....you're doing a pretty good job at it.

15 years of collecting information hasn't helped me a bit.

Info hasn't abated the fear or anger,no.. but it has navigated you to this point in time. (healing crisis). So no more infomration just feel what you are feeling, in the moment.
. Information is 'being told'. People have to be shown. You are know being shown. it's not a punishment, or a breakdown, you have reached the threshold of leaving information behind, and moving into knowing.

I can't seem to go forward, and i definitely can't go back

This is your higher expression ..uh....expressing. once you have that breakdown, it slides right in. If you are on the runaway information train it will let you go till you exhaust yourself. Now your higher self has you where it wants you. It doesn't want you going back , to the past, neither should you be in the future. ou can't go back and you can't go forward, you are now in the present. And that's where your higher expression wanted you at the whole time. So just there for a bit, that anger your feeling and that fright can't stay long in the present.

I don't want to let go of my individuality, and yet my individuality amounts to nothing.

Information tells us that we have to let go of our individuality. If you do you will evaporate. Its utter bull****. As long as you are in the physical and having a physical expereince you are an indvidual and no one should be telling you that it's wrong. Teh physical expereince is meant , whether by design or accident, to be separate, indvidual. Don't judge it, don't push it away, just be the physical experience. That's what its function is, to show us what its like to be individual. We are taught to deny individuality and be 'one'. That is like asking for the impossible and people have scrambled around frustrating and frightening themselves over this whole thing....as you can see. It's okay to be unique, and individual...that is part of your physical purpose. You rindividuality is not amounting to anything because of the resistance everyone throws at it. . You want it but you don't want it. Just accept it. Individuality is an expression of fulfilling this experience to the fullest. You have two choices be really mundane humane or do a really good job at it by being an individual

I don't want power, yet i want to destroy (myself)

Once some of this fear and anger is blown you'll start feeling more comfortable with your power. Aner and fear are dis-empowering. You don't want to destroy yourself but what is causing the upset. Its' not YOU causing the problem. Its the disinformation about yourself, and the resulting anger and frustration that you want to destroy. But if we just allow it, and not judge it, tell ourselves 'this okay' it will evaporate on it's own. It's what resist that sticks to the bottom of our souls like gum.

I am most scared of failure, and yet by lack of an attempt (at what?) i am the biggest failure of all.

That's okay so am I. So are we all and once we admit it failure has no place in us anymore. Our only purpose is to have the physical human experience. We've both succeeded at doing that. Now we can make the choice to have the oridinary sucky human experience or the extraordinary one.

I don't want to give my power away, and yet here i am doing exactly that.

You aren't giving yoru power away you are giving away your fright and anger that prevent your power expression.

What to do? What to do?

Luv, you JUST DID IT! Now rinse and repeat. I know its sounds too simple but its the 'information' that made it sound so complex. It's not. You're doing it. it can't be impossible because you are doing it NOW. Once you got out of the information labrynth it just starts happening. Now just let it happen. Burn the ****er down.

I want to kill somebody, but there is no one i hate. (Me?)

Not YOU, what is angering and frightening is what we want to kill. But resisting it, feeds it. So ...stop resisting, feel the emotions. Go sit somewhere quietly and just accept what you are feeling, don't judge it, don't attach thoughts and information to it, don't resist it and then......see what happens. "This is how I'm feeling and its okay. I'm okay feeling this way. Because nothing is really happening 'out there'. There's no lion at the door , and no enemy behind you, so nothing is ocurring in the present to make your scared or angry--out there-- so no action is required. Just sit and feel it and it will begin to evaporate and be replaced with....something else.

Sooo... I want to kill my ego... but i am too scared... and i have not the slightest idea of how to go about it anyway.

If i could drag it out the back and shoot it like a feral dog, i would.

That's natural to feel that way, its okay to feel that way. I suspect this anger / fright breakdown is coming from the ego because you are reachig that critical point, the threshold. You got sick of the information, and with nothing to tie the ego and its mind up.....its turning on you. killing it reisisting it , is giving it power. givng it a meaning. So just neutralize it. My ego is neither my friend nor my enemy, its meaningless. it needs feelings to meddle with you. As soon as you start feeling your emotions , it slinks off. Releasing these emotions without judgement , is taking its weapons away.

Meditation? I can close my eyes and still my mind... but it doesn't help

If it doesn't help you don't do it. Because its not helping, its setting up conditions of percieved failure. Bugger off the meditation until you get some of this inner feeling blown. There's an old wound coming ot the surface, so let the emotions go and it will surface.

I want people to fear me, but it doesn't make me feel better (in the long run).I am dangerous and unpredictable, but i don't want to hurt anyone ('Who' doesn't? 'Who' does?)

This is clearly your dividing point from consciousness/ego to Self. There is a great deal of conflict as these two dissparate paradigms are occupying the same space. The ego feels danger because of this higher expression stepping forward, so it tells you that you are dangerous. The ego never knows what spirit will do, it feels that unpredictable quality , so tells YOU that you are dangerous and unpredictable. And wrong. Just like the ptb work.....;)

I don't want to turn myself loose on the world, but perhaps i am just scared of how impotent i would be if i did?

You have just turned your SELF loose on the world, and its pretty powerful stuff. Well done.



So MASTER what the F*** do i do now? *spits on ground in contempt (of myself)*

Now keep t it going. Spit if you want but for spitting's sake only.

Coming back to your self is not peaceful, loving or lightful . It's a huge clamourous screaming fit much like a child being born into the world. Because that is what is happening. Rebirth. There's anger, depression, and all sorts of things that the information told us was unsavory. The ego likes information , it ties up the mind so you can't get to the point where are at now. But you did it anyway.


Everyone in the world should be so like you.

[NewFounderHome]

It just seems to me Wolf then it should go faster, it seems to slow this process. Could it conclude and we could then pas to something else more interesting. I don’t see much fun in all off this slow motion, so slow then the grass grows faster than events here. Well maybe not in my area since we have some snow on the ground here, but you get my drift (snow drift, hihi!). Let’s move along to the next step please! PLEASE! PLEAAAAAASE!

[wolf_rt]

Thanks 9eagle9.. i am going to go and sit in the garden and cry now.

[Borden]

Hi, wolf_rt,

when I read your post the first thought I had was that you're expressing the most dramatic aspects of what it is to be aware that the world and what you're told you're supposed to be in it is a crock. From that position there's no obvious path to tread. There's no official infrastructure of guidance for people who feel these things because you're not supposed to feel these things. Unfortunately the many unofficial paths are a crock too.

Have you ever noticed that when you step outside of a problem it often fixes itself? I believe this is the subconscious mind or even the higher self recognising your questions and intent and sorting it out for you. But it can only do this if your not fighting it for the steering wheel.

I think anger is very natural to someone who experiences that 'splinter in the mind' when observing the blind, senseless world. But anger that expresses itself to no-one's benefit is just destructive. No-one needs to tell you that, obviously. Killing people or hurting yourself is naughty and unconstructive!

I think trying to kill the ego is a very bad idea. You need your ego. You just don't want it to be in charge of everything, which is what happens to us as human beings. But imagining killing parts of yourself is deeply unconstructive. It's the same approach that 'medicine' takes, which is to cut out the offending part without understanding the reason for its presence. This never solves the problem in the long run, but it does send a message to yourself of destruction and misunderstanding. That's my opinion and it comes from my own misadventure, I hope it doesn't sound dismissive or patronising. It's certainly not meant to.

Trite though it may sound, I honestly feel that irreverence and stepping back is healing, and will solve problems you can't with your conscious mind.

All the best, mate ... and I think your struggles with your feelings and your honesty automatically render you far more interesting than the majority of this zombie species that somehow imagines that it knows who it is and what it's doing.

In the name of irreverence, and on the subject of potential, this clip sprang to mind. There are swear words in it, just in case that bothers anyone.

http://youtu.be/yNKoH84ioz0

(I don't know how to paste this as a visible clip as others do, and am hoping some kind person will take pity and amend it for me or explain how to do it!)

Borden.

[9eagle9]

Good I may be joining you there shortly....(smile)



Thanks 9eagle9.. i am going to go and sit in the garden and cry now.

[RedeZra]

I don't believe in any external deity... So believe in myself??? but i'm the problem....


listen matter mind soul God so God is within

God is within the cave of the heart which is the entrance to the Kingdom of God

so invite God out or go in to God

spend time relationship get to know God ask

God is waiting within

[araucaria]

Hey wolf-rt

your individuality ain't nothing, it's a grain of sand. That's very important: it's what beaches are made of! It may get bashed about in the waves but it'll just come back up on the next tide.

;)

[wolf_rt]

You might be terrified to look inside but....you're doing a pretty good job at it.

I always thought 'looking inside' was some mystical journey.... that i had to find (literally - somehow) a void within, that was filled with an infinate darkness, that i would have to journey into (with the possibility of never finding a way out) till i found a giant monster or energy, that i would have to overwhelm, before i could find myself.. or something.....

seriously....



The ego feels danger because of this higher expression stepping forward, so it tells you that you are dangerous. The ego never knows what spirit will do, it feels that unpredictable quality , so tells YOU that you are dangerous and unpredictable. And wrong.

Yeah! I may well be 'dangerous and unpredictable'... but I don't want to hurt anybody, so what is there to be afraid of!




I think trying to kill the ego is a very bad idea. You need your ego. You just don't want it to be in charge of everything, which is what happens to us as human beings. But imagining killing parts of yourself is deeply unconstructive.

I'm a Virgo... And i tend to pick everything to pieces.... "This is 'good' it can stay.. This is 'bad' it has to go".
I guess it's time to let that go, and just BE for a while.


Dylan Moran rocks.... And Monty python....
to imbed a video, just click the little 'film' icon, and paste your link in the pop up.


After laying in my veggie patch for a bit. i felt much better... couldn't wipe the grin off my face actually.
still, actually 'feeling' my emotions is going to take a little time i think.


Much Gratitude to everybody here! this has been far more constructive than i would have dreamed possible..

Love you all!

[G.A]

Hey Wolf. I've been in the same boat as you for quite some time now. I reached a point where I believed I lost all connection to my emotions. For years I hadn't felt the emotions of compassion, sadness, joy, excitement, etc. The only emotion I was still in touch with was loathing, frustration and anger. I had to deduce the other emotions just like you said.

A few months ago, randomly, a song triggered a chain reaction and I went through all the positive emotions at once. It was like a dam bursting with a rush of emotions and it was great. I felt human again. I don't remember the song and I don't think it was relevant, because since then... when I feel like I'm losing touch with my emotions, I just go into my deepest memories and try to trigger these positive emotions again. It is nice to learn how to feel again, give it a try! :)

[Ernie Nemeth]

If you do not believe in an "outside" diety, why the frown? But, of course, you actually do believe in a diety, don't you? You hinted at it - you! Yes you!

You said it yourself. Your greatest enemy is your ego, you want to destroy it. When and if it's gone there will only be you or what's left of you. That's divine.

[9eagle9]

After laying in my veggie patch for a bit. i felt much better... couldn't wipe the grin off my face actually.
still, actually 'feeling' my emotions is going to take a little time i think

And that is what happens. Its nearly instantaneous, no books, videos, gurus, or information needed. So then people are shown and not told (information)

It is a process. It was process to get all this density in us, and its a process to get it out but ...it comes out more quickly than the process that built it in the first place. You may have to do this several times a day for a while. Memories will come up and assocaitions will be made, more anger and fear will come up, just let it come up . Then we understand why and how the anger got there. My mother imposed on me, my father we understand it was never really ours it was imposed on us. Just getting rid of what doesn't belong to us by 'owning' it.

You will have 'ugly' thoughts. You will continue to 'think' people are dickheads, assholes and you want to kill them. But...there's no emotion or feeling attached to the thought. There's no power in it, and eventually even those go away because they have nothing to attach to inside--no emotion to attach to.


I always thought 'looking inside' was some mystical journey.... that i had to find (literally - somehow) a void within, that was filled with an infinate darkness, that i would have to journey into (with the possibility of never finding a way out) till i found a giant monster or energy, that i would have to overwhelm, before i could find myself.. or something.....

seriously....

But you did. Fear is a void. That's the journey. That's soul retrieval. You know how many 'shamans' I piss off by letting people have their own soul retrievel?..lol.. A lot. Screw the gatekeepers and portals and spirit guides none of things do what that experience in your garden did for you and YOU did it. Not something external of you. So you have the authority and control over. You know no you can go back to yoru garden and do that anytime.

We get information and have a false standard to live up to. Comparing our experiences to those who churn out information. And we found out information isn't dependable. We are all 'told' its the scene from Star Wars where we go into the dark tunnel and find ourselves with Dad's clothing on. This is your journey, and it will grow more into our personal mystical and then you will start finding where many expressions of ourselves are the same, they are one. Then there is no conflict in individuality.

And in part that is correct, but its not so complicated as that. Our dark hole emotions our depression is the void we confront on this lifeime. If we are taught that it's something else that is more of a shamanic 'mystical' nature we never confront our own void because we keep looking for it somewhere else.

Nice recovery, more should follow your example. This is intiating your own mastery. Right now you are levels beyond people who self proclaim themselves as masters simply by garbling on empty information.

And so I bow to you, in your mastery.

Be well.

[Tony]

Dear Wolf

The ego is not a separate entity!
It is not something to be destroyed.
It just needs to loosen its grip...

The nature of our awareness is pure perception, which is naturally there – but it goes unnoticed
(in the sense that you are so intent on reading the words on this page that you don't notice the white paper – pure mind is like that).

Ego is just awareness that is grasping, or holding on to something: it is facing outwards, judging by accepting and rejecting
and so making claims about the phenomenal world that has no true existence.
Therefore, one is reinforcing an identity of self and phenomena – neither of which truly existed in the first place!
These are merely mental images that are being noted by one's pure perception. But as awareness is clouded by one's attachment to things,
it doesn't recognise its original nature because it is looking outward rather than in on itself.

We have spent a very long time doing this...and we have to reverse the process by going beyond the conventional, clinging mind.
That is where meditation comes in.

Best wishes
Tony

[selinam]

I am angry. Angry at myself, angry at my limitations.
I am scared. Scared of my limitations, scared of my potential, terrified to look inside...

I don't have a big Ego... just a strong one.

15 years of collecting information hasn't helped me a bit.

I can't seem to go forward, and i definitely can't go back

I don't want to let go of my individuality, and yet my individuality amounts to nothing.

I don't want power, yet i want to destroy (myself)

I am most scared of failure, and yet by lack of an attempt (at what?) i am the biggest failure of all

I don't want to give my power away, and yet here i am doing exactly that.

What to do? What to do?

I want to kill somebody, but there is no one i hate. (Me?)



Sooo... I want to kill my ego... but i am too scared... and i have not the slightest idea of how to go about it anyway.

If i could drag it out the back and shoot it like a feral dog, i would.

Meditation? I can close my eyes and still my mind... but it doesn't help


I want people to fear me, but it doesn't make me feel better (in the long run).

I am dangerous and unpredictable, but i don't want to hurt anyone ('Who' doesn't? 'Who' does?)
I don't want to turn myself loose on the world, but perhaps i am just scared of how impotent i would be if i did?

So MASTER what the F*** do i do now? *spits on ground in contempt (of myself)*

For me, this is one of the most important posts I have ever read on this forum! I totally reasonate with all that you have said wolf_rt - and you have said it so well! Thanks also to everyone who has responded with their most informative replies :) I'm learning a lot today!

Selina

[meeradas]

In the name of irreverence, and on the subject of potential, this clip sprang to mind. There are swear words in it, just in case that bothers anyone.

yNKoH84ioz0

(I don't know how to paste this as a visible clip as others do, and am hoping some kind person will take pity and amend it for me or explain how to do it!)
Borden.

Borden, if you wanna see how it works, click "reply with quote".

[Peace of Mind]

You are only going to be on this rock for a short time, so make the best of it while you still can. If people don’t see things your way, let them be. You are only here to learn, love, serve, prosper and die. Death is already guaranteed, so why rush it? The best you/we can do is being respectful, compassionate people until our last breath. You shouldn’t worry about others who refuse to see the warning signs, their time to face the music will come and they will do it solo…just like everyone else.
Be the best you can be, be the shining example so the blind can see.

Verbal language is not always the best way to get things done; action has always reigned supreme in that department. Live your life to the fullest instead of letting other people’s ways put you in a funk. Judgment is not for you/me or anyone else…everything has its consequences and people always get what they deserve. Many people will remain under the foot until their hero comes along. They are scared and confused, and may sometimes cause chaos because of this. However, it’s in their genes to be Humane. Sometimes we need to witness examples and their benefits before making a move.

Make your life honorable and worthy of all the good waiting to be received. Only the weary and frightened will live a troublesome life…you don’t have to be a part of theirs. Be mindful, because misery loves company, it will not be hard to find another disempowered poor soul looking to share a few moments of sorrow with you, they’re everywhere.

Always remember that it’s your choice to be where you’re at now…. never anyone else’s. If someone/thing is troubling you…then you allow it to happen and it will persist until you do something about it, simple. All problems have solutions; some problems might not seem like it because people stay focused on those problems, and not the solution.

You came here by yourself and you will most likely leave that way too. Don’t go out like a loser, everyone living is a champion…they just forgot that. Life is for the privilege. Deaths for those that have truly lived… will indeed live on in many ways. No one can take that opportunity from you…so stay firm and steady.

Peace

[meeradas]

I amsure that you are past the point of being

Sorry about this...

I'm really grateful that you made it all into this thread...

Thanks threadstarter, thanks contributors.

How you could know that i needed this!

:painkiller:

[doodah]

RT, I hear your cry of pain.

Years ago I underwent a complete shattering of the ego and destruction of my personal world on every level. Shattering of the ego included loss of all my self-definitions, what I thought I was, who I thought I was. All my failures to meet the high standards I thought I held stared me in the face and almost killed me.

Somewhere in the pain, and with a lot of help from many, many sources, I came to understand that the whole painful scenario was an opportunity to rebuild "myself" but first I had to look long and hard at all those self-definitions and decide if I wanted to keep them - or decide what I might want to put in their place.

You are not cut in stone. One of my metaphysical teachers says reality is like silly-putty, you can shape it however you want, especially your own personal reality and what qualities you *choose* to exhibit.

There are so many ways of dealing with this part of you that is coming from anger and rage and pain and unlove. There is obviously another part of you that is NOT that, the part that started this thread. So the you who is NOT that, can call him out. Stand inside a circle of protection and visualize him. Have a little conversation, have a physical battle if necessary. You'll have to do this many, many times because he's very strong and is not going to easily let go. On the other hand, the you who is NOT that, knows he can't keep on controlling you. This is your battle. Maybe it's your soul vs your ego.

One of the hardest parts may be understanding and admitting love. I mean just plain old love in its true nurturing simplicity. It is VERY important to love something, find something to love, and this certainly does not have to be a person. You can love your veggie garden (or maybe you already do) - that's a great start - care about the sprouts, make sure you take care of them just because you want to, with apologies to no-one. If you have a mental hierarchy of what you think you "should" value, do veggies rate low or high? If you cannot see the connectedness of everything, veggies probably rate low, not "worthy" of your ego's notice. But your ego is wrong about that. It's all connected. The animating spirit is everywhere, it's the only reason anything exists at all.

Unselfconsciously love your veggies; or, it's certainly easier to love animals than people, but it is very important that you develop something that you value that expresses love, the exact opposite of hatred and violence. If you want love in your life, you have to be the one showing it. The rest of it you can work on and bring into line with this better self you are creating. Hopefully you will be creating this from the heart outward, becoming your truer self.

It's damn hard work, but it can be done, and you will be free.

[Jay]

...I don't want to let go of my individuality, and yet my individuality amounts to nothing.....*

I think the "we are one" is trying to get rid of the "we are individuals".... I'm sure the tenets of the globalists a.k.a New World Order are promoting the "we are one" to the detriment of our selves & our individuality (In this regard study UN & the Occult) Another source: The Externalization of the Hierarchy Alice Bailey & Djwhal Khul

Jmho - even if it's difficult and the road is narrow, hold on to your individuality - it is what makes you, the individual "special" (& most likely closer to the kind of freedom most of us seek) :o

[Libico]

Wolf_rt - thank you for making this thread and thanks to all the contributors; what you wrote expresses a lot of what I have been feeling since starting to "wake up". I've dabbled in several schools of mysticism, philosophy and it can be very frustrating for me when I feel like I am not making any progress in connecting to my higher self. I read incredible threads on this forum that fill me with a longing to reach a level of awareness that I know I will reach one day, but naturally my eagerness wants that to be as soon as possible!

I think like a lot of things in life this isn't something you can really force.. even though I believe this to be true it's still very difficult for me to swallow - I'm almost afraid to accept that line of thinking for fear I am deluding myself and using that as a cop-out because of the difficulty/lack of success. I'm not a passive person by any means, but sometimes it feels like the harder I push it becomes less effective so it can be difficult to accept that it will happen with time. I think a big part of this is because our time on Earth is so short that it can literally drive me crazy that I am "wasting" my time in this spiritual rut.

My advice to you is to do your best to stay positive which sounds a bit lame, but it really does help. Try to channel your frustration into something beneficial - for me reading and picking up new knowledge is calming. There are two excellent threads (What-books-have-expanded-your-consciousness-changed-how-you-experience-the-world (http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?32471-What-books-have-expanded-your-consciousness-changed-how-you-experience-the-world&p=332329&viewfull=1#post332329) and Top-5-Books-that-have-Impacted-you-the-most (http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?1630-Top-5-Books-that-have-Impacted-you-the-most)) that I suggest you read over if you haven't already - I've purchased several books recommended by members of this community that have helped me see things from a different angle. I once read something has stuck with me: Enlightenment is like a mountain with many different paths to the top - maybe you are trying to get there by a path that isn't right for you, but keep trying and you'll find one that suits you.

[Kindred]

Meditation means to stop listening to the voices in your head... quiet the noise we've been taught to listen to all our lives. Concentrate on quieting those voices and stop 'talking to yourself in your mind' Feel and SEE an inner connection - a pattern of light and shapes that will manifest as you quiet your mind. Concentrate on your breathing, only observe... "Let thine eye be single"

"If thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light. But if thine eye be evil [towards materialism and the ego], thy whole body shall be full of darkness. Therefore, if the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness!" -Matthew 6:22, 23

This passage refers to the 'third eye'... the pineal gland. It is given to everyone so that they may see Source (god) within themselves. Look inward (with your inner eye) and see your divinity, and know that Everyone, yourself included, is part of the Whole.

In Unity and Peace

[9eagle9]

It is more productive to find out which is one's higher voice and which is the mind voice. Just telling all voices to shut up is a years long effort for what....?.so that you cut off at the knees a reliable voice that gets mixed in with the blend?

As it stands now the higher self has to express itself through consciouness. For most people who have not done ego or consciousness clearing work.

It has no other means save for taking subconcious action which we are often not aware of and is open to...conscious interpretation.


And no tells people that in order to have truly tranformational multi dimensioanal like the gurus in India with meditation...one has to meditate for 6-8 hours a day, for about 25 years. Much easier to just slap on some brain entrainment tapes. Meditation is nice to bring one back into the present and to relax the mind, but hypnosis is more productive even in terms of getting undernath the consciousness, to awareness. Big difference between the two. People think they are their consciousness, their mind, and they really aren't. But because they've never had the alternate expression ........they think they are. Because they can't sort out mind from self...they think they are one in the same.

Ego and Consciousness is only a very small part that allows us to navigate a physical world. And it doesn't have anything to do with higher expression save higher expression has to work harder to be heard through all the density and expansion we globber it up with.

Consciousness expansion simply means we are giving the higher expression more density to work through.

More information. Consciouness expansion means more thoughts, more beliefs, more 'things' to tie us up forwards and backwards, past and futre. This happened then, this will happen in the future. We need to be giving people to do something NOW, that will happen in the present where the higher expression always is.

More meditation , more chakras, more things to focus on other than....what the ultimate goal is.

And that gives that mind we are trying to silence... more thoughts to think about. Lol.

It's counter producitve.

"Shut up mind, but heres more to think about. "

No wonder people are confused and frustrated.

Shutting the mind up has been confused with clearing the consciousness so there's not so much dense emotion in there for the higher expression to work through.

As long as person has a feeling they will have thought attached to it.

And vice versa.

That is lateral expansion , more information to spread us out densely in the past and the future. This is not going to help us if our goal is for vertical alignement. The pineal has nothing to do with consciousness , however what we are holding, our density in consciousness, will affect the pineal gland just like it effects everything else.

[Kimberley]

**********


Hey Wolf & all this is a great thread. I started watching it yesterday. I wanted to jump in however I have been "fun busy" and have not been able to take time to write much... and still do not now.. however this (below) 6 minute video came to my attention today and thought I would post it here.

I will say whether you believe it or not if you are alive and living at this moment it is because you are one of the chosen ones... this time in evolution history is something that has never happened before .... you chose this. You will overcome if you choose to overcome and I get the sence that you are doing a perfect job and are at the right place.

I teach others to fake it until you make it... I did that and I made it.

Make a list of positive I am statements and repeat them a couple of time every day. I still do it...

I am full of love. I am full of health. I am peaceful. I am wealthy. I am so grateful to be alive at this time. I am having so much fun! I love everyone.... etc...

Make your own list...

Much love to us all!!! :luv:


1X2bkOC86fY

[Lifebringer]

Try something simple and gradual to work on, it may take awhile, but I like you was just closing my eyes, and not really relaxing, so meditation is also currently my weakness, but my weakness gets stronger as long as i try to clear my mind of the things I call, "tensors."
Things that rub you the wrong way on a daily are the most trying. It seems like you still got your chill on controlling the negative urges, and for that also, know you are getting better. The confusion of all that may have happened in past lives karma, could be keeping you in 'tensors." Mories of bad events also are remembered, face them, figure out the lesson on why it came up, how you thought then, and how you would have done it now. Then let it go. If you don't hold on to bs, you won't feel like bs, right?
Also, beware of the "severe intolerance for bs" tensor also. It's the easiest, and most frequent tensor in today's lying media corporate matrix. Stay free of those tensors, devote time to meditation on the frequency tones from the lowest to highest. Use headphones if you need to tune out on the world surrounding you. If you have time to think about everyone's faulty maladjusted bs, you definately can devote some "tone time" to help your inner search of your higher self for guidance and reflection for happiness or calm.

Are you worth it after coming this far?
You betcha!!

[00101]

@wolf-rt. frustrating isnt it. I destroyed my laptop sundaymorning because of reasons you just put out. it did not bring peace or a clear vieuw but the mental break did filter ... and aint it so that it ws me asking me to let all darkness out in light,, different layers from era's... nothing shall remain lurking sneakin up on me.. no more... my breathing chokes with shivering voice comes out a boy crazy from his own creation...but did i ever, me here in my buddy body, betray light 'n love 'n consciousness 'n all....yes. but i'd like ro believe the twisted joke in my creation is one of higher learning, yes for me, but **** that, i knew it before i started aeons ago. i choose this for you and you for me.your uniqueness sets me free.not me...screw hypocracy...

ps i've choosen not to reread my words or any other reactions to your writing untill after i press send. this is honsty i guess..

i love you, hoka-hey babe..take a walk on the wild side ;]p

its not the flowerpowerdays and i aint a munk oohm on a treetop in one mountain, no i'm stuck trying my luck in a metropole where us souls is stacked p, obaying weird behaviour from a neighbour.. no freedom in heart, within one thought...it's hard..and were loving every second of it admit it we crave for the beckening of our own witty spirits.. (hm that last one went twofaced, but hey it's the end of days..../

*pressingsendbutton3,2,.*


edit. clarity, a mysty sigh...

edit. eV_astp3BjM

[EnergyGardener]

Wolf_rt,

You are receiving some outstanding responses.

This Avalon family is very helpful, not to mention, amazing.

I look forward to hearing of your update soon.

Cheers Mate

[enfoldedblue]

Hi Wolf_rt,

I thought you might like to read one of my articles that I felt was relevent.
Sending love xo

The Gentle Path

I used to look at myself, and my life, with critical and judgemental eyes. I would see areas that displeased me and decide to take action to make changes. When I didn’t succeed, which happened frequently, I would scold myself, and end up feeling ineffective. Eventually, after much soul searching, I came to the realization that the problem had nothing to do with the way that I was, and everything to do with how I dealt with myself. I saw that through self-criticism and judgement I had created a hostile, uncomfortable environment within.

I began to make a conscious effort to be more loving and gentle with myself. If I made a mistake, I wouldn’t berate myself, instead I’d find that part of me that felt disappointed, angry, embarrassed, or afraid, and give it love. In changing my focus from trying to fix myself to loving myself, I experienced love’s amazing power to heal and transform.

A loving approach gently allows us to feel safe enough to connect with deeper and deeper aspects of our being; and the more hidden fears we uncover and heal with love, the lighter and more at peace we feel in our world. Shame, guilt, fear and judgement separate us from ourselves, whereas love, forgiveness and acceptance bring us home to the heart.

Along the way we may also discover incredibly powerful, and beautifully fragile parts of ourselves that we unconsciously hid away because we didn’t feel safe enough to even feel them, let alone express them. The simple process of learning to love ourselves opens us up and allows us to discover and become our real selves.

As our experience of ourselves becomes richer and more genuine, so too does our relationship with the world. When we learn to treat ourselves with love it becomes natural to want to treat others and our environment with the same love and respect. When we let go of judgement and align with our hearts we shift from a fear based perspective to a love based one.

© Christina Lavers 2011

[Sidney]

Acknowledgement is the first step!! You are moving forward, you just do't realize it. You're on your way!! It won't happen over night, but you will gain momentum. We've all been there (most of us anyway). And you have alot of folks (here)supporting you, myself included:crutch:.

[Kenn]

Please don't be sorry there no need for an apology for being so honest. I hope something some one said help's you. I wish I could help but I know I can't, I wish I had good advice but I don't. But thank you for sharing this moment and for being you, you will find your way in the end that's what has got you this far it has always been you.

Love
Kenn

[Whiskey_Mystic]

Wolf_RT,

One of the greatest challenges we face is to become comfortable with that which is uncomfortable. You are clearly experiencing discomfort. Can you sit with it and just let it be what it is? Don't try to change it. Don't judge it. Just be present with it.

That which you can truly be with transforms.

[wolf_rt]

Ok, well all of this has inspired me to song.... hope you enjoy it.



http://tindeck.com/image/gpln/stats.png (http://tindeck.com/listen/gpln)


My partner informs me that it's pretty unintelligible....

sorry about the mixing (there was none) this was recorded on a logitech headset...lol

[wolf_rt]

It is a process. It was process to get all this density in us, and its a process to get it out but ...it comes out more quickly than the process that built it in the first place. You may have to do this several times a day for a while.

Well, somebody asked for an update so here goes...

Since the night i created this thread i have felt pretty 'normal'. I KNOW i am not done with this yet, but i don't seem to be able to bring forth any emotion to 'observe' or 'acknowledge'...?

If the only way i can be in the NOW is by giving myself 'information overload' as i believe was the case when i began the thread, this is going to be an excruciatingly slow process...

Does anyone have any 'tricks' to force my emotion to the surface?

or is it a case of these emotion's being 'spent' for the time being???

I feel like there is work to be done (on my state of consciousness) but i'm unsure on how to proceed when i feel 'ok' (or perhaps i just stuffed it all back in it's box unknowingly)

So to sum up.. i defiantly made progress that night ,but my emotions so rarely surface in that fashion that i feel like this process needs a 'shove'.. if that makes sense?

[Alekahn]

wolf_rt,

You surely chose a great place to engage this latest round of 'the work to be done'. Your post and the subsequent responses has stayed with me over the past couple of days. So many perspectives on this process you/we are in. Cutting firewood today, something came to me to share with you regarding anger (rage) in particular. Do with it what you will.

Consider this. There may be a role or mission of anger in (y)our life. There seems to be an underlying significance to it that is not often addressed or understood. Anger in my experience, is an agitator of sorts. It acts inwardly like a (counteracting) poison on our selfishness and given time it gradually can be a transformative force, making us more capable of compassion, service to and genuine regard for others, and ultimately love. It's almost as if this rage can be a regulator for unjustified (and even perhaps justified) outbursts (inbursts?) of selfishness. In working with, sitting with, this intense emotion, I have found that it (along with death) has been (and is) a formidable teacher, an educator of my soul so to speak. It's like there is this dynamic interplay between our anger and our Ego, which can potentially lead to a dampening or lessening of our egoistic forces and a more enhanced, truer selflessness. If we have the courage and patience to work with it. Which you definitely have shown to possess.

Keep up the good work. Much respect to you.
A

[markpierre]

So It sounds like you recognize yourself as consciousness and as unlimited power and potential, both for good and for bad. You're right.

And your self identification as meaningless and fraudulent and compulsive and completely at the whim of everything around you. You're right there too.

The only issue then is acceptance. That's easy. Welcome to the world of 'individuals'.

[9eagle9]

Once you start blowing stuff you start hitting plateaus so whatever is blown off, you have period of re-integration. It's like you create a space by blowing that emotion , and it remains stable for a while and then more starts leaking in more as you proceed in life and keep hitting more challenges that bring stuff up.

Your behaviors will start to clue you in that an emotion is coming up. If you're not feeling anything that is distressing NOW that is okay, that is typically how we feel after we blow something . WE feel okay. But it will come up again. You've created a space for more to come up and they will . Tonight, tommorow, next week. You nearly have to write a reminder to yourself to go see how you are feeling because we automatically suck feelings back up. When conflict comes up we know some emotion is coming up.. Little spats, work difficulties things like that. Feeling annoyed at partner, little clues, like that.

But a few things that simple to expedite the process....Pay attention to your dreams to see if there's some emotional overload in them.

Interactions with people will trigger an emotional reaction. Take note of those.

I use essential oils like Franckinsense or Spruce oil daily to get stuff to come up to be examined. If I use an oil continously for about 3 days stuff starts coming up, but gently not the great roar that you just experienced. It shifts cellular memory and it starts stirring stuff up from the limbic portion of the brain where memories, emotions are stored. Its one of my favored short cuts. I put it on the knobby spot on the back of my head (occipital orb), above each eye, on my throat, and on my neck where the base of the skull meets the neck. On the bottom of my feet. Several times a day or as many as I can manage. For you I'd use them on the liver and kidney area too.

Any kind of emotional release technique will help like EFT (tapping) . Those on youtube . Tapping is vibration and vibration lifts emotions.

TAT www.tatlife.com (Doesn't seem like it does much but it does)

Think of areas of your life that are not serving you optimally. Maybe career , finances, things that like. That will begun to clue you on your stuck areas. When you focus on them, what sorts of feeligns come up even if its just confusion, or not 'knowing' what you are feeling is a feeling all on it's own.

I think of any area of my life that is not serving me optimally at any given time like my finances and career or something that I want and its not coming in. Then I focus on those stuck areas a 'feeling' comes up. Mostly frustration .....and then I start the process.

For a long time I had really wanted a horse, and I couldn't around to getting one. So I put myself there in 'not having a horse' . I couldn't decide what I was feeling so just said, that's okay.

I felt stuck and frustrated at wanting what I thought I couldn't have. What came up was this fear of being very old and looking back at my life and having done nothing I wanted to do and being regretful over it. So I went and leased a horse. I could do that much. I couldn't afford to buy one but I figured it was the horse and the experience that was important not the fact I 'owned' it.

Three months later I owned three horses....lol. I didn't pay a dime for any of them. One of my horses has a net market value that way more than mine...lol.

I decided to do something that was just about me , giving myself something I wanted in some fashion just showed a willingness to have it brought in for me.

To be really clear, when we accept our feelings instead of trying to force or fake over them, we are not accepting the conditions attached to the feeling. It's okay to feeling scarcity, its not okay to have the conditions of scarcity around us....if you know what i mean.

You are marking real progress , and basically in intiating this you are demonstrating your willlingness to have get rid of the crud so you are creating space for really great things to come in. Like when you when got in the garden you created a space to feel 'better' by just accepting that you were angry.

[another bob]

WoaktW-Lu38

:yo:

[Anchor]

Ok, well all of this has inspired me to song.... hope you enjoy it.

I did.

I am late to this thread.

I just want to say thank you wolf_rt for the service you are doing us all.

Be blessed and evermore illuminated!

http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?13534-You-are-not-losing-it-everything-is-changing