Relationships

[Calz]

Nice article. Does it belong in the Spirituality Forum???

Read it and decide for yourself.

__________


Relationships

By Khris Krepcik
Published: January 2, 2012
Posted in: The Perception, The Public Writings


12899


The quality of your life comes down to the quality of your relationships. That’s what life is. Relationships.

A Relationship is the way in which in any two things are connected and communicate. A Relationship is the way in which in any two things act, regard, and behave between each other. The only real question is the way in which you connect, communicate, act, regard, and behave with others—because you cannot control others. You are only responsible for yourself—and the only real question is whether or not you handle yourself with quality. You will fall short, but you must forgive yourself for your shortcomings, and you must forgive others for their shortcomings. Practice Instant and Infinite Forgiveness. This helps.

Good relationships do not come from mastering others. Good relationships come from mastering oneself.

The funny thing about relationships is that you can tell another person exactly what they need to do to change, heal, and improve their relationships, and they will still screw up their relationships. Why is that? Human Ego. People do not want to change, heal, and improve themselves. People want to change, heal, and improve the other person—otherwise known as “control”. And control is not the way it works. All a person ever really needs is acceptance. Acceptance is the way it works. Appreciation is the way it works. Compromise is the way it works—and that means Sacrifice is the way it works. No one likes to hear it.

The Only Thing that Ruins Relationships is the Selfishness of the Human Ego. Desire. Emotion and Mind.

Desire = Lack. Emotion and Mind = Reaction and Opinion. Do you understand?

Relationship = Communication. A Good Relationship = Good Communication. Good communication is the ability to share feelings, thoughts, and ideas — not bash each other around with emotional reactions to the rigid intellectual opinions of each other’s minds. It’s simply a matter of Openness. Relationships are a reflection of the quality in which you act, regard, and behave towards others. Be kind. Care. Listen.

The Secret to a Good Relationship is to be Selfless and Sensitive to the Other Person’s Needs.

The only problem with that little equation is that we live in a world of ego—and just because you may be working to transcend your own ego—does not mean that the other person is. And what their ego wants and what a person really needs are two entirely different things. You must discern between whether or not you are serving the ego (the illusions) of another or their true intrinsic needs. This is true strength. The world is full of ‘yes men’, but Perception, Power, and Wisdom are within the ability to say, “No”. Nine times out of ten, it’s the things you don’t do that keep you safe and make you successful, because this leaves you with “The One Thing Out of Ten” that is effective and actually works—the proper direction.

Relationships change, evolve, and grow—just like everything changes, evolves, and grows. And that is the natural way of things. And this is the eternal way of things. Life is a series of stepping stones. You either change, evolve, and grow with Warmth, Wisdom, and Understanding—or you wither up, grow cold, and die trying to sustain the illusions of your own ego and mind. Egos fall. Minds crack. Things change. The nature of relationships change. All you have to do is redefine the nature of your relationships, as they do.

Sometimes you have to hold on to others. Sometimes you have to let them go. Wisdom is knowing which and when to do so. Love is allowing others to do what they need to do, even when it hurts. But pain is only an inner contradiction to an opinion. And all you have to do is change your mind and accept things. You have to allow others to go their own way. Love them anyway, and embrace them in your arms, when they come back. And if they never come back, remember the good things. Nothing else matters.

Who destroys people’s relationships? People. People destroy their own relationships. People destroy their own relationships with their own selfishness and insensitivity towards each other. People destroy their own relationships with their own egos, their own dysfunction, their own emotional imbalances, and their own rigid intellectual opinions. They push the blame on everyone and everything else, but in the end—they have no one else to blame—but themselves. You either handle yourself with quality—or you don’t.

Maliciousness. Sadly, this world does contain malicious people (those that cause harm), and the most dangerous relationships are those involving abuse. There is no real way for me to cover relationships, without covering this. If you’re in an abusive relationship—Ditch It. This is the only true answer. Leave.

There are only two alternatives to Relationships—Fix It—or Ditch it—because dysfunction doesn’t work.

Beyond all this surface human stuff, the Deeper Secret Wisdoms of Relationships are in understanding that everything is in Relationship with everything else. This is the underlying nature of reality. You will never be able to see it, if you’re still stuck in the limited human stuff—ego—emotion and mind. Evolve.

Everything in life is in Relationship with everything else in life. Everything is Connected. Everything is in a constant communication. Everything is in a constant state of interacting. The only real question is the quality of the connection, the quality of the communication, the quality of the interaction. Everything is Energy. Everything is a Feeling. And the Quality of Your Life is within the Ability to Feel Everything. The Quality of Your Life is within the Ability to Relate to Everything. Life’s Mystical. Life’s a Relationship.

© 2011 - Khris Krepcik
The Hooded Sage. All Rights Reserved.


http://www.thehoodedsage.com/2012/01/relationships/

[another bob]

The Heart of Relationship

Awakening to the truth of perfect Unity means to awaken from the dream of a personal self and personal others to the realization that there is no other. Many spiritual seekers have had glimpses of the absolute unity of all existence, but few are capable of or willing to live up to the many challenging implications inherent in that revelation. The revelation of perfect unity, that there is no other, is a realization of the ultimate impersonality of all that seems to be so very personal.

Applying this realization to the arena of personal relationships is something that most seekers find extremely challenging, and is the number one reason why so many seekers never come completely to rest in the freedom of the Self Absolute. Inherent in the revelation of perfect unity is the realization that there is no personal me, no personal other, and therefore no personal relationships. Coming to terms with the challenging implications of this stunning realization is something that few people are willing to do, because realizing the true impersonality of all that seems so personal challenges every aspect of the illusion of a separate, personal self. It challenges the entire structure of personal relationships which are born of needs, wants, and expectations.

It is in the arena of personal relationships that the illusion of a separate self clings most tenaciously and insidiously. Indeed, there is nothing that derails more spiritual seekers than the grasping at and attaching to personal relationships. The revelation of perfect unity reveals the true impersonality of all relationships. The ego always interprets "impersonal" as meaning cold, distant, and aloof. However, "impersonal" simply means not personal, or void of a separate me and a separate you. The mind cannot comprehend a relationship without separate entities, much as a character in a dream cannot comprehend that all other dream characters are simply manifestations of the same dreamer. Yet when the dreamer awakens, he instantly comprehends that the entire dream, and all the characters in it, were none other than projections of his own self. In the dream there is the appearance of separate, personal entities in relationship, but upon awakening, one comprehends the impersonal (non-separate) Self that is the source of all appearances.

To deeply inquire into the question "Who is another?" can lead to the direct experience that the other is one's own Self -- that in fact there is no other. However, I have seen that for most seekers, even this direct experiential revelation is not enough to transform the painfully personal ways they relate. To come to this profound transformation requires a very deep investigation into the implications inherent within the experiential revelation that there is no other. It is in the daily living of these implications that most seekers fail. Why? Because, fundamentally, most people want to remain separate and in control. Simply put, most people want to keep dreaming that they are special, unique, and separate, more than they want to wake up to the perfect unity of an Unknown which leaves no room for any separation from the whole.

There is a powerful tendency in most spiritual seekers to avoid probing deeply into the implications inherent within profound spiritual experience and revelation, because these implications are always threatening to the sense of a separate self, or ego. It is the implications inherent within profound spiritual revelation that demand the transformation of the apparent individual.

Inherent within the revelation of perfect unity is the realization that there is no other. The implications of this realization reveal that in order to manifest that unity in the relative world, one must renounce the dream of being a separate self seeking to obtain anything through relationship with another. Indeed, personal relationship appears to happen in the relative world, but in reality, all appearances simply arise as temporary manifestations of a unified whole. In the relative world these appearances are in relationship, but not as separate entities. Rather, they are the play of the one Self projecting itself as apparent entities in relationship to one another.

As long as you identify yourself with the projection of separateness, you will continue to deny that you are the Source of all projections. When you truly and absolutely awaken to this fact, and comprehend the overwhelming implications inherent within this awakening, you will continually experience that all apparently personal relationships are in truth nothing other than the play of your Self.

To realize that the personal me is an illusion born of false identification with the body, thoughts, and emotions brings a profound sense of freedom. This is fundamentally the realization of emptiness, of what you are not. But contained within the realization of emptiness (formlessness) is also the realization of what you ARE. In the most absolute sense, you ARE this conscious emptiness which is the source of all appearances (existence). But you are the appearance as well—not just one part of the appearance called "me," but all of it, the entire whole.

This is the challenge, to let your view get this vast, to let your view get so vast that your identity disappears. Then you realize that there is no other, and there is nothing personal going on. Contrary to the way the ego will view such a realization, it is in reality the birth of true love, a love which is free of all boundaries and fear. To the ego such uncontaminated love is unbearable in its intimacy. When there are no clear separating boundaries and nothing to gain the ego becomes disinterested, angry, or frightened. In a love where there is no other, there is nowhere to hide, no one to control, and nothing to gain. It is the coming together of appearances in the beautiful dance of the Self called love.

To the seeker who is sincere, an experiential glimpse of this possibility is not enough. If you are sincere, you will find it within yourself to go far beyond any glimpse. You will find within your Self the courage to let go of the known and dive deeply into the Unknown heart of a mystery that calls you only to itself.

~Adyashanti



:yo:

[blake]

Hello Mr. Avaretard,

Yes, I agree with the essay, the foundation of a good life is having good relationships. And how challenging that is for many humans who's ability to communicate well, or even respectfully falls short. I also agree with the concept of fix it, or ditch, as well as having the wisdom to know which to do, and the courage to follow through.

With February arriivng next week and Valentine's day showcased, perhaps it is a good time, during deep winter, to contempt the relationships in one's own life: from family, to friends, to associates, to neighbors, and of course lovers; but the most imortant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. If that one is solid, chances are the others will have a better chance of being solid too.

Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed the article.

Sincerely,

Mr. Davis