My Fear

[Phoenix]

What can I say... Right now, I'm at a point where this crushing anxiety seems like it will rain over me forever, the shadows of fear enveloping me in their dirty deeds. Intellectually, I'd like to think I am in complete control of my life and all of my behaviors, when in reality, there is this automatic negative response system that is so hard-wired in my brain that it seems impossible to overcome.

Years of fear-riddled programming anchored in my mind, forcing the suppression of my beautiful inner self whilst on the surface the ugly truth of my lack of confidence oozes out from every pore of my body. Experience, books, pictures, videos, gurus, internet, nature, mediation, therapists, friends, family and the rest could not unlock the intense grip that fear holds over me. My fear of rejection is intense. It inhibits me in my social, career and relationship realms of life.

Follow my dreams? How? With the staggering agony and deprivation around us, how can one follow their dreams without feeling guilty about the ones who are just trying to survive? When the people of Plato's cave won't turn around, should we just leave them there?

I like to believe that we're all one, connected through 'Christ consciousness' and that everything around us is just a representation/frequency of the 'source.' But no matter how much I think about this, when put into the right situation, I will judge and conform and criticize and feel hatred towards others and myself.

Is most of the upper echelons of success corrupt, or is this just an external representation of my own inner turmoil? Should I work in the matrix to then be able to support myself, or should I stay out and be a recluse?

I want to travel, why, to escape this reality? There's no escaping that.

Phoenix

[lilac]

Dear Phoenix,
I just listened to an interview with James Gilliland of ECETI (see thread "up at the ranch"). He said "hey folks, these times are energetically challenging so don't beat yourself up". Just a suggestion, but you might want to start by calling it simply FEAR. It's not yours. Because you are a perfect god-being of light. You are the fourth person in my circles with Phoenix as part of your name. You are the same age as my daughter. I feel for you because I just lost my job. It is not easy finding work that is in integrity. But you can't help anyone, until you help yourself. It's your movie. Change it for the better and you will change the world. Follow your passion. It has never been more obvious that when you do, the universe responds tenfold. No kidding!

[Cilka]

Phoenix, go travel, but you have to go to places where you won't understand the language. Familiar places will only add to your fear; uncertain places will teach you how to get rid of fear. I used to backpack on my own in my 20's and I loved it; I also went to teach overseas as well. It was the best time of my life and I would do it again if I could, travelling is the ultimate freedom.

Anyway, we all have our own fears, it's normal to have them but it's not normal to let them take over our lives. It seems that you don't have a life right now, so go out there to get one.

[Cjay]

There are many different types of fear and almost all of them can be overcome by love and logic.

Fear is often:

False
Evidence
Appearing
Real

Phoenix, you can't "save" everyone. Just do your best and live your life with as much love and positivity as you can.

Do you know your purpose for being here (on Earth)? If you do, focus on your purpose. If you don't know yet, focus on love and kindness - do things like paying it forward - and you will leave the world a better place.

I hope you find your peace.

[im awake]

Phoenix, go travel, but you have to go to places where you won't understand the language. Familiar places will only add to your fear; uncertain places will teach you how to get rid of fear. I used to backpack on my own in my 20's and I loved it; I also went to teach overseas as well. It was the best time of my life and I would do it again if I could, travelling is the ultimate freedom.

Anyway, we all have our own fears, it's normal to have them but it's not normal to let them take over our lives. It seems that you don't have a life right now, so go out there to get one.

haha im really glad i read this, i have been planning a trip to peru for a few months now and everyone in my life has doubted me saying its a really bad idea because i wont understand the language and will probbaly get mugged even my own mother insinuated i would become a drug mule or something since i am only 19 years old. non of them understand i am going over there for a spiritual awakening not for a holiday.

thanks for that comment really cheered me up

[CD7]

Great thread...I've been experiencing constant compression type feelings more often then before, which seems to b going on with many...u are certainly not alone! I too have had this anxst of wanting to just take off but no destination yet! As soon as any fear or worry of survival creeps in I intently try to focus ON THE MOMENT ...what's happening now as that becomes much more workable and less weighty on the mind. Very difficult to do...ESpecially in this culture...US. But very helpful!
Just knowing others are going through it is also supportive

[Black Panther]

Dear Phoenix,
I just listened to an interview with James Gilliland of ECETI (see thread "up at the ranch"). He said "hey folks, these times are energetically challenging so don't beat yourself up".

I agree. A lot is happening in the world (outer world) and a lot is happening inside
us (inner world). A lot to do with going from 3D via 4D to 5D. We all experience
these changes in one way or another.http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?32455-is-this-happening-to-you-too
Just don't fight it.

And as Cjay says you can't save everyone. I've tried a year long to explain things to others.
Just accept others live in a different world / dimension. First work on yourself and than you
can help others.

Accept everything as it is right now and with the right intention everything will work
out fine. Day by day, step by step.

You have indeed a beautiful inner self, so focus on that part instead of giving too much
attention to the mind. Everything is already there inside you. Nothing and no one can
take that away from you! All bad feelings like anxiety are part of the illusion (ego) and
it is your birth right to feel good (consciousness / soul).

Feel free to PM me!

[Nathalie]

Phoenix,

As Christine so wisely said, stay in the moment. Don't fall into the scenario trap. Listen to your heart, and stick with the resonance BEFORE it gets translated into language and thoughts. You know when something just feels right? And then we break the spell with rationalization? Big mistake!

As for following your dreams and feeling obviously guilty about it, why shouldn't you follow your dreams? Concentrate on yourself, the others are not your problem. Every soul on earth chose the vessel they're into for a purpose. You have your own. Focus on that, and keep in mind that fulfillment comes from within. No matter how far you travel, or who you meet, if you're miserable, you will be no matter what. In the end it is a choice, trust me I've been there.

As for travelling again, if it feels right, do it. If you're fleeing from your anxiety, it'll follow you and you'll be miserable on the banks of the Nile or on top of the Eiffel Tower. Now that would suck, don't you think?

Most important thing to remember, here and now, and I don't care how cliché it sounds, is all that matters. Be centered, connect with nature, indulge your creativity and listen to no one...

[lyubomir]

Hi Phoenix,

Everything is on your mind. I can say that the situation like your only talk that you have a very serious challenge. I can only advise you to accept the challenge and finally be the winner! How to do it - it's very personal situation but you should think about it seriously. Ask for help and solution to yourself first.

What do you thing about this - for example you are very powerful generator of energy, if you producing negative energy the situation will not be very good, but if you produce pure powerful energy to your world you can create a very different future.

You can not escape from feelings and pictures that you mind creates, but you can change them and keep the new ones to do exactly what you have to do!

I think that you need an advice, help or anything else at this forum you can receive all of this.

I hope this could be useful for you!

Kind Regards,

Lyubomir

[Debra]

Some beautiful advice on this thread. I hope by now you are feeling better about yourself Phoenix. I would add, to stay aware of the negative mind sets that you find yourself dwelling within. Because what you have, is an addiction to them. Eckhardt Tolle pointed this out, and it resonated with me. Instead of thinking that it is all being done to you, from external forces .. think again. Consider, that somehow in your own programming, you have become addicted to the idea of whatever scenario you find yourself repeating.

Good luck young phoenix, rise above the ashes and take the shape that you feel and know is in your heart :)

[Alekahn]

14266

Blessings to you on this path of paradox. Journey on. Courage.

[Lettherebelight]

Phoenix, my friend, don't worry so much.

You need to find your Truth, and rest assured you will be guided.

Have faith in the higher power. You are not in control. There is nothing to fear...let it happen.

Travel, if you like. Stay put, if you like. Your Truth will find you either way.

Remember, you are Phoenix. You rise from the ashes.

On the brink of a new beginning...hang on. Ride that wave, buddy.

[Phoenix]

Just a suggestion, but you might want to start by calling it simply FEAR. It's not yours. Because you are a perfect god-being of light. You are the fourth person in my circles with Phoenix as part of your name. You are the same age as my daughter. I feel for you because I just lost my job. It is not easy finding work that is in integrity. But you can't help anyone, until you help yourself. It's your movie. Change it for the better and you will change the world. Follow your passion. It has never been more obvious that when you do, the universe responds tenfold. No kidding!

lilac, you're right. It's not my fear. That's my ego talking. Thanks.


Anyway, we all have our own fears, it's normal to have them but it's not normal to let them take over our lives. It seems that you don't have a life right now, so go out there to get one.

Hi Cilka, that's the thing, I'm always busy and I'm about to graduate college with an engineering degree, however I'm having a difficult time connecting with people at this point. Fear has taken me over a few times, and it's tough to recognize in the moment that I'm running from a shadow..


Phoenix, you can't "save" everyone. Just do your best and live your life with as much love and positivity as you can.

Do you know your purpose for being here (on Earth)? If you do, focus on your purpose. If you don't know yet, focus on love and kindness - do things like paying it forward - and you will leave the world a better place.

I've realized that I can't save everyone. Tough lesson to learn. I thought my purpose was to be a great snowboarder, but it just doesn't fit into life as something that makes fiscal sense at this point.

Also, I always intellectually say, "ok, relationships, love and positivity are the most important things to me, all that other stuff is irrelevant. I know somewhat how I'll feel on my deathbed, filled with regret if I don't follow my heart." But sometimes I just can't act on my most basic feelings.


I too have had this anxst of wanting to just take off but no destination yet! As soon as any fear or worry of survival creeps in I intently try to focus ON THE MOMENT ...what's happening now as that becomes much more workable and less weighty on the mind. Very difficult to do...ESpecially in this culture...US. But very helpful!
Just knowing others are going through it is also supportive

Carpe diem, my friend.



Dear Phoenix,
I just listened to an interview with James Gilliland of ECETI (see thread "up at the ranch"). He said "hey folks, these times are energetically challenging so don't beat yourself up".

Just accept others live in a different world / dimension. First work on yourself and than you
can help others.

Accept everything as it is right now and with the right intention everything will work
out fine. Day by day, step by step.

You have indeed a beautiful inner self, so focus on that part instead of giving too much
attention to the mind. Everything is already there inside you. Nothing and no one can
take that away from you! All bad feelings like anxiety are part of the illusion (ego) and
it is your birth right to feel good (consciousness / soul).

Feel free to PM me!

Thanks so much... this all resonates with me.


Phoenix,

As Christine so wisely said, stay in the moment. Don't fall into the scenario trap. Listen to your heart, and stick with the resonance BEFORE it gets translated into language and thoughts. You know when something just feels right? And then we break the spell with rationalization? Big mistake!

As for following your dreams and feeling obviously guilty about it, why shouldn't you follow your dreams? Concentrate on yourself, the others are not your problem. Every soul on earth chose the vessel they're into for a purpose. You have your own. Focus on that, and keep in mind that fulfillment comes from within. No matter how far you travel, or who you meet, if you're miserable, you will be no matter what. In the end it is a choice, trust me I've been there.

As for travelling again, if it feels right, do it. If you're fleeing from your anxiety, it'll follow you and you'll be miserable on the banks of the Nile or on top of the Eiffel Tower. Now that would suck, don't you think?

Most important thing to remember, here and now, and I don't care how cliché it sounds, is all that matters. Be centered, connect with nature, indulge your creativity and listen to no one...

Good stuff, I absolutely resonate with this.


if you producing negative energy the situation will not be very good, but if you produce pure powerful energy to your world you can create a very different future.

I see, the old law of attraction. Thanks.


Some beautiful advice on this thread. I hope by now you are feeling better about yourself Phoenix. I would add, to stay aware of the negative mind sets that you find yourself dwelling within. Because what you have, is an addiction to them. Eckhardt Tolle pointed this out, and it resonated with me. Instead of thinking that it is all being done to you, from external forces .. think again. Consider, that somehow in your own programming, you have become addicted to the idea of whatever scenario you find yourself repeating.

Good luck young phoenix, rise above the ashes and take the shape that you feel and know is in your heart :)

Yes Zebra, some great stuff. Thanks all! By the way, I saw some beautiful zebras for the first time in my life in Rwanda a few months ago! AmaAAzing!!


Remember, you are Phoenix. You rise from the ashes. On the brink of a new beginning...hang on. Ride that wave, buddy.

Houston, we have liftoff. :)

[write4change]

Some of the best young men at Occupy LA took that moment to leave home with no plan and no money etc. The spiritual quest is always part of becoming a good men. Since we no longer have them, we have few good men. There is something about making the journey that somehow provides. To become enlightened the Buddha had to leave home especially because it was a palace.

Some of our best minds made this kind of journey: Jung, Krishnamurti,Gandhi,Teddy Roosevelt, JFK, Joseph Campbell, and many more I can't think of off hand. While you are young enough to have no strings is the time for doing this in the best way. As a youth, people will respond to you as having potential displayed by your courage to quest. We have plenty of people who think they know and have all the answers, we have few who are seeking new questions.

In the past, there were more ties between men and their fathers who taught them survival. If you failed to listen, you often did not survive your walk about. When men took their work away from their sons' sight there was a great loss of what it is to be a man. People like Gingrich are not men, they are simply bluster with media air brushing. Follow your heart.

[davyj0nes]

When the people of Plato's cave won't turn around, should we just leave them there?
Phoenix

what a beautiful piece of poetry. Yes, Phoenix leave them there. It's your journey have fun with it, enjoy the light.

[tonius]

Phoenix i understand what you are saying. No matter how many books or how many times you hear you are infinite, when the exitement of the mind shuts off and you are left ''eye to eye'' with yourself things are never easy.

Its like someone born far from the sea, and never been there, you may read poems about it,you may see documentaries about it, in 2d or even 3d, you can discover all you can about it ,even ask people who have been there, and see their eyes shining when talking about it, but if you havent truely experienced it's beauty yourself, looking at the sunset while the waves genty touch your foots, or tasting it's salty water in your mouth after a long diving, where for a brief moment the noise of the outer world is shut off and you are just ''being'' , than you can only guess how its like.

Sometimes we talk with so much ''competence'' , to others and even to ourselves, about who we are or how its like to be truely yourself, credit for this to the vast amount of ''information'' and new theories we hear everyday and this is good..until...the next moment of ''hopelesness'' and anxiety comes. I laugh with myself now, when i remember on how many occasions in the past i would speak to others with such ''competence'' and ''ego driven'', '' i have figured it all out'' attitude about who they ''really'' were, using the ''cool'' knowledge i had aquired days before, only to realise after that was a show of my mind to impress itself. It seemed i was trying to convince more myself than them about this great ''findings''. What i couldn't see is that its one thing having that knowledge ( knowing about it) and another being the source of it.

My ,mistake, later i understood, is that i was looking for something ''Definitive'', a kinda ''get over it'' solution, pushed by the same turmoil you talk about. There was no ''technique'' or ''liberation'' method i didn't knew about, yet i never trusted this way of liberation, or wanted it, i never liked the idea to ''trick'' myself in some way to belive i was what i ''imagined'' to be, and my hyper inquisitive mind wasn't helping either .I can call myself a fixated ''purist'' in this self finding process, no mind tricks allowed. Well, thats the hard way, and it took time to see the first results, to see more of the ''real me'' so to speak.

I thought, and still think, its more about the process than the final result, in fact the process itself is the final result, its not that you find ''it'' and put it in your ''pocket'' and everything is fine, its that there is nothing to find, its just about opening your eyes, and i want them fully open, for me techniques are just efforts to keep your eyes open, every time, this way even for the shorts moments they are open you are not looking, but concetrating trying to and keeping the ''eyelids'' up. Using scotch tape to keep your eyes open is not the solution for me, an infinite being like we are doesn't need tricks to see itself for what it is, the oppossite is acting from a ''finite'' point of view, similar to the one of our present society.

Its not that the turmoil is all over, its that know i look it in a different way. The truth is i concentrated too long on trying too see my real self through others instructions, anly later to realize that writing your own, for yourself is the ''fun'' of all this. What i before considered as a ''curse'' (there were times were i thought there was no way out, only useless hope) now has become a part of the process, using it as an indicator of the ''areas'' of myself to ''look better'' at, independently from the fact of how i ended here, in this reality. It is what it is, its what we make of it that makes the differecce. No one can offer guarentees to another on how and when the ''natural'' opening of the eyes ( less turmoil is a byproduct ) will happen , all i can say is that at least i now know it's possible, and thats a huge step for me.

My only ''suggestion'' is that, at least for me, don't try to fit yourself in what you hear , but follow your indicators , no ane can fully know how it is being truly ALL ONE , even in the ''higher densities'' , we all yet have to ''see'' (remember) the SEA with our own EYES, they too just have better TVs to see it from , the real ultimate ''deal'' has yet to be experienced.

[Phoenix]

Phoenix i understand what you are saying. No matter how many books or how many times you hear you are infinite, when the exitement of the mind shuts off and you are left ''eye to eye'' with yourself things are never easy.

Its like someone born far from the sea, and never been there, you may read poems about it,you may see documentaries about it, in 2d or even 3d, you can discover all you can about it ,even ask people who have been there, and see their eyes shining when talking about it, but if you havent truely experienced it's beauty yourself, looking at the sunset while the waves genty touch your foots, or tasting it's salty water in your mouth after a long diving, where for a brief moment the noise of the outer world is shut off and you are just ''being'' , than you can only guess how its like.

Sometimes we talk with so much ''competence'' , to others and even to ourselves, about who we are or how its like to be truely yourself, credit for this to the vast amount of ''information'' and new theories we hear everyday and this is good..until...the next moment of ''hopelesness'' and anxiety comes. I laugh with myself now, when i remember on how many occasions in the past i would speak to others with such ''competence'' and ''ego driven'', '' i have figured it all out'' attitude about who they ''really'' were, using the ''cool'' knowledge i had aquired days before, only to realise after that was a show of my mind to impress itself. It seemed i was trying to convince more myself than them about this great ''findings''. What i couldn't see is that its one thing having that knowledge ( knowing about it) and another being the source of it.

My ,mistake, later i understood, is that i was looking for something ''Definitive'', a kinda ''get over it'' solution, pushed by the same turmoil you talk about. There was no ''technique'' or ''liberation'' method i didn't knew about, yet i never trusted this way of liberation, or wanted it, i never liked the idea to ''trick'' myself in some way to belive i was what i ''imagined'' to be, and my hyper inquisitive mind wasn't helping either .I can call myself a fixated ''purist'' in this self finding process, no mind tricks allowed. Well, thats the hard way, and it took time to see the first results, to see more of the ''real me'' so to speak.

I thought, and still think, its more about the process than the final result, in fact the process itself is the final result, its not that you find ''it'' and put it in your ''pocket'' and everything is fine, its that there is nothing to find, its just about opening your eyes, and i want them fully open, for me techniques are just efforts to keep your eyes open, every time, this way even for the shorts moments they are open you are not looking, but concetrating trying to and keeping the ''eyelids'' up. Using scotch tape to keep your eyes open is not the solution for me, an infinite being like we are doesn't need tricks to see itself for what it is, the oppossite is acting from a ''finite'' point of view, similar to the one of our present society.

Its not that the turmoil is all over, its that know i look it in a different way. The truth is i concentrated too long on trying too see my real self through others instructions, anly later to realize that writing your own, for yourself is the ''fun'' of all this. What i before considered as a ''curse'' (there were times were i thought there was no way out, only useless hope) now has become a part of the process, using it as an indicator of the ''areas'' of myself to ''look better'' at, independently from the fact of how i ended here, in this reality. It is what it is, its what we make of it that makes the differecce. No one can offer guarentees to another on how and when the ''natural'' opening of the eyes ( less turmoil is a byproduct ) will happen , all i can say is that at least i now know it's possible, and thats a huge step for me.

My only ''suggestion'' is that, at least for me, don't try to fit yourself in what you hear , but follow your indicators , no ane can fully know how it is being truly ALL ONE , even in the ''higher densities'' , we all yet have to ''see'' (remember) the SEA with our own EYES, they too just have better TVs to see it from , the real ultimate ''deal'' has yet to be experienced.

tonius, every word here teems with resonant energy that I would like to ponder on for a little while and then come back and pick your brain some more.

[Antagenet]

Phoenix
I have suggestions for you to consider.
Start writing poetry. You will excel.
Express your anxiety in words and you will make others anxiety more managable for them.
It is a gift to realise you are not in complete control of your life. This means there is room for life to surprise you in big ways.
Find soothing ways to love yourself when your automatic negative fears take over.
Accept everything you feel as carrying some gift.
Lack of confidence sometimes comes from others not valuing you. Find people who do.
Rejection and acceptance are always a part of life. There will always be people who like you and what you do
and those who dont. Their opinions shouldnt be used as your steering wheel.
Everyone has fears of rejection unless they are insane. Not many people are as honest as you.
If you reframe your "Dreams" as "Purpose" you may find it easier to fulfill them without guilt.
Celebrate that you have a conscience and care about those who are struggling to survive.
It is constructive for ones self to build all resources, inner and outer, to be free of the need to conform.
If you hate yourself for conforming to the extent you do, than accept the hero's journey, to become your self.
Read E.E. Cummings.
You can try to work in the matrix, and try being reclusive and see which you like better.
Environment can be a straightjacket that traveling can crack open. Not many people ever regret travelling.
You have what it takes to answer all your questions. Try to love your own personal answers.
Hugs,
A.