Welcome to The Pub At the End of the Universe.

[another bob]

Ha! Bob so funny! You as a babe is so sweet! I must have a photo of my little face as well, somewhere! It's not on my pc though. Boo hiss! If I am able to get one to post, will you guys end up seeing it?!

As long as you post it before late December of this year.

[Cerridwen]

Hey Cerridwen ... stop out-cuting me!

I don't know if my dirty face and ragged dolly can compete with your dimples and mischievous smile.

[songsfortheotherkind]

Thank you Songs and Borden! :o I have grown very fond of your avatars .. it was time. The pub has helped me come out.

*grins lopsidedly at you* My masks upon masks helped you come out? Awesome. I shall maintain my mysterious presence. :D

[Turcurulin]

Hey Borden!

Ha! Yes I am trying and I hope it worked! Btw, you must know, that I share this avatar with my husband, so we post together! He the coolest! Just like you! Clever idea with the music thread brother! I must return there as well. Oh how i love it so! I am most grateful to be amongst all of you! Thank you for welcoming me! I am a big dork though, so I hope that's fine with everyone!


Cerridwen,

You are a beautiful babe as well! I love your blonde hair!

[another bob]

Hey Cerridwen ... stop out-cuting me!

I don't know if my dirty face and ragged dolly can compete with your dimples and mischievous smile.

We'd have to see more of the doll first.

[Borden]

Ha! Bob so funny! You as a babe is so sweet! I must have a photo of my little face as well, somewhere! It's not on my pc though. Boo hiss! If I am able to get one to post, will you guys end up seeing it?!

As long as you post it before late December of this year.

Now that came perilously close to me breaking my solemn code regarding acronyms. Instead I shall say ... I expressed amusement that was distinctly audible.

[Cerridwen]

I am a big dork though, so I hope that's fine with everyone!


You'll fit right in then!


Cerridwen,

You are a beautiful babe as well! I love your blonde hair!

Awww... thank you. :o

¤=[Post Update]=¤




Hey Cerridwen ... stop out-cuting me!

I don't know if my dirty face and ragged dolly can compete with your dimples and mischievous smile.

We'd have to see more of the doll first.

*Laughing* I'm afraid she's up in the big dollhouse in the sky. RIP my little friend.

[another bob]

I am a big dork though, so I hope that's fine with everyone!


You'll fit right in then!

http://i46.tinypic.com/2jakvfa.gif

[Turcurulin]

Hi Cerridwen!

Excellent! Didn't want to get escorted to the door! LOL! Many thanks sister!


Bob,

Will try to make it happen before December! LOL!

[Turcurulin]

Hey Bob!
I am loosing urine at the moment! So funny! Much love!

[another bob]

Hey Bob!
I am loosing urine at the moment!!

We have a room for that here at the Pub

http://i50.tinypic.com/11kkyn4.gif

[Turcurulin]

Hey all!,

Many thanks to all of you for allowing me to participate in all the fun!


Songs,

This is a stellar thread you have started! Takes the edge off from the everyday! Usually, I read through it and am always late getting here, by a day or so, but in the future I hope to be more active with all here! Much gratitude! Btw, I have always loved your avatar! Do you have a pic of you as a babe?

[Turcurulin]

HAAA! Wow! I love this photo! Just scared all the animals here at the house & am quite sure all in the mountains & forest where I live, from laughing so loud!

[songsfortheotherkind]

*stands in the hallways screaming until I have no voice left*

[songsfortheotherkind]

Hey all!,

Many thanks to all of you for allowing me to participate in all the fun!


Songs,

This is a stellar thread you have started! Takes the edge off from the everyday! Usually, I read through it and am always late getting here, by a day or so, but in the future I hope to be more active with all here! Much gratitude! Btw, I have always loved your avatar! Do you have a pic of you as a babe?

You're welcome and I hope you find a space you enjoy. It's multiversal here, so be aware, things have more than one expression of reality.

I don't have pics of my Self as a baby, no. The horns are offputting for most. :P

[Turcurulin]

Hi Songs!

Thanks for the heads up! I find all here fast on their feet and extremely creative! I'm in hopes of being a decent contributor here as well! As for the horns, I quite like them! LOL! You are a beautiful being sister! Much love!!!

[Calz]

Hmmmmpppphhhhhhh.

Take a wrong turn going to the End of the Universe today I have ...

Pub now on different timeline it is ...

Turned into a Ballroom Dance School for Gifted Children it has ...

http://www.pic4ever.com/images/7312.gif


http://www.forumsextreme.com/images/Funny_Pictures_Star-Wars_Yoda_with_Muscles.jpg

FpqutjeVFTc

[Calz]

Been awhile since I have submitted something to put to the acid "virus" test.

This one was posted by esteemed member astrid in another thread and fits here [and now] (or the sleepy virus thread) very nicely. Hopefully she won't mind since it is just a youtube (I always ask for permission on a post based on a member's own text).

Whatcha think Pubsters??? http://www.pic4ever.com/images/121.gif

Now that you all look so damn cutsy ... whatcha gonna do with this???

http://www.pic4ever.com/images/laugh.gif http://www.pic4ever.com/images/connie_26.gifhttp://www.pic4ever.com/images/shocked.gif

(big people language alert since we have so many lovely children about).:tape:


j67h5Vm9e4E

[Dennis Leahy]

Please don't tell me that meerkat found the fountain of youth, and you all followed him in there! Well, I guess, whatever works...

Wall-to-wall cute.

Dennis

[Cerridwen]

*stands in the hallways screaming until I have no voice left*

:hug: :hug::hug::hug:

[Cerridwen]

Whatcha think Pubsters???

j67h5Vm9e4E

I liked it. There's a lot of truth to what his saying.

Two days ago, I just had a bit of a melt down concerning an issue with my father that I thought I had already dealt with years ago. So I'm not sure if the shadow ever really goes away, but if it has been faced properly, it doesn't consume as strongly each time it comes back. At least IME.

[another bob]

Been awhile since I have submitted something to put to the acid "virus" test.

This one was posted by esteemed member astrid in another thread and fits here [and now] (or the sleepy virus thread) very nicely. Hopefully she won't mind since it is just a youtube (I always ask for permission on a post based on a member's own text).

Whatcha think Pubsters??? http://www.pic4ever.com/images/121.gif

Now that you all look so damn cutsy ... whatcha gonna do with this???

http://www.pic4ever.com/images/laugh.gif http://www.pic4ever.com/images/connie_26.gifhttp://www.pic4ever.com/images/shocked.gif

(big people language alert since we have so many lovely children about).:tape:


j67h5Vm9e4E

Hiya Calz!

I just posted at length to Ulli in the Here and Now thread, regarding the so-called shadow -- a totally fictional creation, imho, resulting from the human tendency to grant entity status to various functions of the psyche, thus enhancing a sense of inner conflict and division where there is none.

:yo:

[Cerridwen]

Hiya Calz!

I just posted at length to Ulli in the Here and Now thread, regarding the so-called shadow -- a totally fictional creation, imho, resulting from the human tendency to grant entity status to various functions of the psyche, thus enhancing a sense of inner conflict and division where there is none.

:yo:

I just went and read what you posted in the other thread and now I'm thinking about it...

[PurpleLama]

I can't catch the video until monday.

Everything being approximate, sensation, mentation, etc. I have had a bit of approximation with this thing, the modern popular shamanic term, shadow work. What you say is absolutely true, indeed I would go so far to say that the term shadow should be interchangable with the term psyche, else you might even be doing it wrong. The shadow, as it should be understood, is all that portion of psyche that one fails to recognize as one's own. My grasp of these terms was greatly influenced by cayce, then seth, then ra. I started having crazy religious experiences at a young age, and this time around I've afforded myself a little more, shall we say, flexibility.

I have found it a great honor, to be gifted spiritually, and I seek to share that betterment far and wide, for it transmits. Here in this very thread I recognize others, and in that other temporal and spatial thread, there are thoze denizens who haunt these places among which I see a recognition, a beautiful acquaintance, something that's planted and grown in the souls and spirits, in the mind and hearts of all of us. I feel gratitude for this, for all of you. Thanks, folks.


I've a bit of a psychic truck back and forth with DW and others like him, as in the cayce connection, and it's nothing all that special, really. It doesn't matter if your soulfully connected to some famous persona, because the fact is, *we all are*. One and infinite, all unique and all the same. David is off the mark, yeah you can be cayce, but that goes along with being the gambling, womanizing shyster who died alone, on a boat.

The point is, that you don't have one without the other, you can't be jesus if you can't be the rapist, too. It's the very strength that's buried in the collective psychic sh!t that one's spirit needs to grow. Shadow work is that which teaches to dig into this dark, unpleasant matter and extract the "gold" it contains. But to say psyche instead, the meaning is preserved full within the context, as I see it. Part of that is my own inclination toward what I'd call universal.

This post started with bob, but a bit for calz is mashed up in there. I'd like to relay a dream that came along, oh, say 2007ish, I'm at an apartment or condo type place, with a half circular patio, with seven or eight chairs placed around the edge of it, and a buddy of mine, another lightworker who was in the reiki circle for years before me, gets a call on his phone, DW is saying to him he wants to meet me at such and such a place, and I tell my friend to tell him, No, I'm busy here but if he wants he can stop by, and shortly there is david sitting in one of the shairs across from me. We proceed to have an animated discussion I can't remember, but everyone present was intensely interested in. After that, he goes inside my condo, and after a while I go in to check on him. I find that he has raided some wardrobe and is now attired in a bluish purple shimmery sheer womans robe type thing with furry lining on the collar and cuffs, with matching purply blue sparkly sunglasses, big like womens shades in the late 70's early 80's, and heeled womens shoes all to match. He is behaving rather flambouantly, and hilariously, to me, so I take out my phone/camera and start taking pictures of him acting like a goofball. It was fun, and funny and we had a good time. Then, after it was over I checked the pictures I had taken, and lo and behold, every single picture was of him looking very formal and distinguished wearing star fleet uniforms from The Next Generation.

(elucidation available through PM.)

Seriously, that was the dream. So while I recognize DW, I see him for who he really is, and I say yet again that every bit of his interaction with whistleblowers, et al, is a form of *negative greeting*. For all the neat stuff he has done, and the research done, and the books published, I know he is only scratching the surface of who and what he really is. I make reference to myself in relation to him, as I know what the calling is, I *know* it. What he's doing in the public purview is way, way off the mark. He could have accomplished his soul's purpose so much more if did not seek to fame and fortune, rather remained in obscurity. Let me tell you, obscure is where it's at, if one hopes to get anything done. Jeez, just ask carmody, I know he knows about that one.

Christ as a principle, christ as the *future* social memory complex of earth. Do you ever wonder why Ra said the aforementioned being was in the process of graduation of graduation from green to blue (aqua, anyone?) and more importantly *did not have a name* and biblically we have in john, that the aforementioned being was not just one with the father, but *one with us*?

I stylize myself as a magician, but really I'm a very irreverent holy man. I am the social memory complex of the human race, for once one brings the shadow to light, and one does the necessary work first on the individual level, then on the collective level, this is what one finds. I am the hall of records. The akash is *my memory*, of everything it was like to be human. It's all ok, some of it seems to really, really suck. But it's really ok, everything really does come out in the wash, but only when you're ready for it to. Most of us are still working on that.

Purplelama has been drinking, just a little bit, and such makes for loose lips. But mostly I'm just tired, not tired of life, just tired of f*ucking around. I think I will light a candle.


I love you, bob, as you well know, and I love you cal, and I love every other sacred cow (chao) that I just whipped. Let 'er RIP.

[another bob]

Christ as a principle, christ as the *future* social memory complex of earth. Do you ever wonder why Ra said the aforementioned being was in the process of graduation of graduation from green to blue (aqua, anyone?) and more importantly *did not have a name* and biblically we have in john, that the aforementioned being was not just one with the father, but *one with us*?

Great rant, my Friend!

Never cared much for DW -- saw him as a self-aggrandizing marketer. Having been privileged to meet up with some real deals, this guy is a bit of a light-weight clown, imho.

In any case, just moved to share an incident from my first day in kindergarten. My grandmother had taken me to the school, but apparently we were late and they had locked the gates. Since the gate itself was only about 4' high, she picked me up and dropped me over on the other side, then pointed to the door and said, "Good luck!"

I walked over to the door, opened it, and stood facing about 50 other kids, all sitting silently at little desks, and a large intimidating woman dressed in a weird black costume with a wide-brimmed white cowl, glaring at me. I was told to sit at the one empty desk in the room, and then was given a piece of paper with an outline of Jesus on it. I was told to color it in, and so I felt into the man, and then colored him green.

When the woman bent over my desk and studied my efforts, she became enraged and snapped up my picture, waving it in front of the rest of the class and commenting what a stupid little boy I was to have painted Jesus green. There was some snickering that arose from the gathered children, but I had heard enough, and for the next several years, I refused to get involved in the BS curriculum. Moreover, I had already taught myself to read at the age of 2, by devouring my parents' collection of World Books, and so I had little interest in seeing Spot run.

In those days, they put the slow children in the back of the classroom, and that's where I lingered until about the 3rd grade, when they gave me an IQ test, and suddenly I found myself ushered to the front of the classroom, much to my dismay. Shortly after that, I had my experience coming home from Summer Camp, and totally dropped out of school mentally, as I've already written about here a few pages ago.

Speaking of dreams, last night I was at a party, and some of the Pub members were there. At any rate, somebody had a pet tiger, and it was so enthusiastic that it scratched a big hole in my arm. I searched around the house where the party was being staged, trying to find some antiseptic, and finally realized I'd have to go to a pharmacy to get some. Just as I got outside, a big smoker rolled past me on wheels and crashed into a wall. It looked sort of like your brick fireplace in terms of shape, and I laughed, thinking of you!

:yo:

[Debra]

You're another cutie pie, Zebra!

Cerridwen, you out cute all of us. Look how gorgeous you are. I want to eat your cheeks :)

post update:

Borden, that little jumper and those sparkly eyes melts me every time - you take out the Toddler Laddies Award for new avatars - and now you are a Shiny, Brave Sith!

And Bob - new avatar from you as well. Little fella, you had class. Oh my, I've never seen someone carry off lapels like that at such a young age. You get the Zebra award for the Most Promising PhilosopSith.

Purple Lama: Dang, no one moustaches like you do, fine wizard. I see a statue in space being constructed in your honour. Such a sight will bring visitors from all over the universe, mark my word.

... Good evening everyone *grabs a Pan Galactic* Excuse me for doing a jump room in. I think it is better that I circulate for a bit and see what's going down*

[PurpleLama]

The tiger belongs to Playdo of Ataraxas. He is also on this forum. He and I have a mutual friend I typically stylize as "John the Baptist" when I refer to him on the forum, who is one of those "real deals" you speak of. Not that he, or I, aren't "real". Or you, for that matter. It's always best not to let on all that one has stored, or disguised, up one's sleeve, so to speak. 9eagle9 knows that one, too.

[Debra]

[I]
Been awhile since I have submitted something to put to the acid "virus" test.

This one was posted by esteemed member astrid in another thread and fits here [and now] (or the sleepy virus thread) very nicely. Hopefully she won't mind since it is just a youtube (I always ask for permission on a post based on a member's own text).

Whatcha think Pubsters??? http://www.pic4ever.com/images/121.gif

j67h5Vm9e4E


Hi Calz, thanks for sharing this vid. I have been following the trail of responses and just got back from the Here and Now thread, after posting a more considered reply. Such was the journey you sent me on Smurfy! :) I have enjoyed it. So I have posted part of my thoughts over there - if you want to take a look - because, I began relating to reflections by Ulli and Another Bob - another road opened!

I like the straight forwardness of this guy - and I have not seen the other videos, where I read that he is less demanding in his delivery. I think that he is partly right - in that we cannot hold down stuff that comes up. That is asking for sickness, in my books anyway.

However, it´s also a matter of how we deal with them, when we do bring them up. I have a history of dealing with emotions that has been pretty extreme. Using my emotions to honour character obligations for a part I am playing in a play or a film - messing with some dark sides, which were sometimes not too healthy to take home at the end of the day. And in one phase of my life - using the philosophy of the Right Use of Will books as a guiding stone - entering some pretty volatile eruptions .. supposedly as a way to ´let my stuff move in a safe and mutually supportive environment´

Well, for me, that was a f***g nightmare. Either I was too sensitive - in that period - or the people I was doing it with were inept at facilitating -- and I might add - we were practising this level of movement of will in a combined workplace and personal environment. I do not view the overall experience as one, total disaster because in some ways I did shift .. and eventually OUT of that situation - but it took me a few years. And i have to admit, it was a gift as well and I was a willing player. Conversely, I was also disempowered a lot of the time during the experience. I travelled the road into victim ville - but as Bob implies - it was a program of reality that I saw the perfect set up for, and I latched onto it. Oscar winning performance.

Bumpy, nasty. Messy. My life turned arse upside down and inside out. Does it get any better?

*I am smiling also now* I having a good ole chuckle at myself. So, where does this lead me? I do think there is truth in what Another Bob says: it is a game we enter here, this shadow land - whereas, instead of just seeing it for what it is - then letting it go.

My question is, how do we sustain this - transcendence? When we get with the program and realise that it is holding us back by us not letting it go? Is it just practice? And practice, until we say bye bye forever?

Purple Lama *aside* I was gobsmacked by your rant - please keep it on here. I am going back into it. You are on fire today! :)

EbXYm7PLkew

[songsfortheotherkind]

http://static.desktopnexus.com/thumbnails/70394-bigthumbnail.jpg

[another bob]

Today in the garden it seems the Azaleas have just begun to burst on the scene!

A few here:

http://www.pbase.com/1heart/azalea_12



http://i50.tinypic.com/u2aol.jpg



Some Azalea celebration music:


Jhk0i77rgYo





gtKNVPPSVC0

[songsfortheotherkind]

http://favim.com/orig/201105/01/Favim.com-30221.jpg

This post started out as one thing and has hugely morphed into another. I'm going to post it as it's evolved, with the original still present, because I need to stream of consciousness this process.

The Pub has become my Clan. I actually am head of a legally recognised Clan in real life, in which I am known as the Phoenix, the one who keeps the evolution going by being able to rise from her own ashes again and again. It's a deeply spiritual and power calling and I resisted it for the longest time; I don't resist it any more, it's just how it is and it's part of my sui generis.

Clan is an intimate thing for me. I have recognised that the connection and revealing that happens within Clan works for me because of the multiversal nature of my Being; within a group there is less possibility of being mindf*ucked, of having oily slitherin' pull its tricks in the midst of blind spots and emotional black holes. Within an intimate group there is the sense of having more than one someone at my back: knowing the virus the way that I do, I fully get how it can mess with individuals when they are in deep connection with each other and having more eyes watching the dynamics makes so much sense to me. I get it all the time in the energetic and Other realms; in contrast the societal and psychological isolations here cause me to feel like I'm constantly stumbling through the matrix blinded.


http://www.flash-screen.com/free-wallpaper/uploads/200708/icos/1187945153.jpg

Without the universal Mirror I am blinded. With only one Mirror I am caught in confusion because I'm intimately familiar with my own wounds and how they interconnect with those that I have opened my Self to: the virus within me locks mouths with the virus within them and things can rapidly turn to slamdance sex with the virus if consciousness is lost. I am deeply aware that for me, connecting with the masculine is a clusterf*uck of epic proportions when it comes to the triggering of virus: I know why this is *and* it doesn't stop it from happening when I'm in connection with specific kind of signal.

http://fineartamerica.com/images-medium/kaleidoscope-eyes-arthur-miller.jpg

I have been trying to write all day, without success: words and concepts are jumping in and out of my mind faster than I can get them down, as frustrating as that is on one level. I am defragging, apparently- Borden suggested it last night during a conversation and it seems my backbrain thought it a splendid idea. I've been chunking all day as a result, in a good way: ideas and memories have been rising to the surface for embracing or releasing, sometimes both, and I'm aware that I am doing an inventory- I am taking stock, gathering the cloth that is my life to me and looking at the pattern, aware that I am embracing the beginning of something absolutely new, a shift from the previous creation in every way.

I have been watching the kaleidescope of my mind moving and turning, patterns coalescing and colliding, moving again in constant motion as I process, deciding what to keep and what to let go. I know I'm clearing house internally, releasing anything that is getting in the way of the evolution I'm going through: I've done this before, and yet there's something really different about it this time. I want to trust this Being in a way I haven't been able to before.

http://thirdeyeprojections.com/site/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/TEP_MAX_KALAEIDOSCOPE.jpg

It is amazing finding someone with whom I can absolutely be my Self, even when who I am in the moment seems ridiculously fragile or facile or f*ucked up. I'm learning what it is like to really be in the space with another Being when I'm consciously choosing to not run my usual shields; in other levels of expression I'm finding other individuals with whom to play and explore and yet this connection is the profound one, the one that keeps leading me deeper into my Self and into what is there between us.

- and then it explodes, in all its glorious banshee technicolour and I'm blind sided again, left stumbling and confused again. I have always seen the damage that banshees leave in their children; I have no doubt that my own older children have experienced the banshee in me, because no matter how one wants to be different sometimes it's the triggers that win. I know that I did the very best I could with what I had, always, and I was constantly hacking at the systems in me, trying to find my way out of the horror and noise screaming n my head while I tried to Shine for my children.

The banshee attacks integrity and wholeness in others and in Essence. I experience the explosion as a full frontal assault on my integrity and intention; I've experienced every partner I've ever had as doing exactly the same thing when triggered, the Hulk smashing against my integrity. I try to back away and hold up my hands, I try to get clarity, to explain my Self, to defend, to get back to clear signal, to fight my way out of the virus, to call on what the other knows me to be, and I'm in a space of drowning and looking in confusion at the other holding my head under the water until I realise I have to fight back or drown- then it gets really ugly, because I pick partners that I experience as being able to fight waaaay dirtier than I can.

I've worked out why this is too: I can effortlessly defend my Self against world class female banshees, I can do it with my eyes closed and three quarters asleep and have done so. When my sister Morgana turned 12 the banshee rose up and consumed her, like it had my mother and some of my mother's aunts- by the age of 14 she was out of control and become a real danger to me, including setting me up to watch me fight my way like a demon out of a gang rape, while she stood in the background and laughed gleefully.

My mother and her would take each other on with lumps of 2X4 wood; I watched Morgana break her arm throwing a punch at my mother's head and connecting with the brick wall wall behind instead when my mother ducked. My sister grunted as her arm broke, shook her head and just fought with the other hand. Occasionally the two of them would try and turn it on me but I had something neither of them could meet- I'd learned by then that the energy healing stuff I could do could be used as both defence and weapon, it was one of the ways I learned to defend my Self against male attackers. That was why my sister set me up: she was happy to see me either get gang raped or fight my way out of it using something I wasn't comfortable using. I did things that night I still don't know how I pulled off- I simply wasn't going to let it happen, I was going to either walk away or they were going to have to kill me.

Shortly after this my sister attacked me in town. It was late at night and the place was fairly abandoned, except for the mandatory drunken teenagers and hoons in their cars. I don't even know now how she got me out there- I avoided people like the plague and I would never have gone if she's asked me directly, so it must have been another set up. My memory doesn't really kick in until her trying to drown me in the town fountain and me suddenly realising that I'm either going to have to fight her or die, because she was really going to do it- nobody would have come to my aide, they were all absolutely scared stiff of her and they would have let me die. We fought with absolute and ferocious animal instinct that night and she only broke my nose while I slammed her all over the park energetically; I unleashed what I had in me and left her in a curled up ball on the ground. I left for Melbourne not long after that and by the time I got back she'd gone. I saw her a handful of times over the next 20 years, until finally she was so burned out on drugs that she couldn't fight her way out of a wet paper bag, not that it would ever get to that these days: I have done so much work, so much evolution, that now I feel only compassion for her and all that past has faded into nothing in me. There is no load when it comes to my sisters or mother, the virus has morphed it into a battle of a different kind.

[Debra]

I am so tired but I had to read this post Songs. I have just returned from the battleground out there on another thread that is so full of the virus, it has exhausted me .. and I wonder why I bother.
Thank you for this latest writing, truly, I am nourished here.

You take care
Big hugs, Z xox

[Dennis Leahy]

This post started out as one thing and...Wow, sister. I have worked hard at learning the difference between being compassionate - truly compassionate - and performing as a rescuer. This story would be an easy one to follow into rescue mode. Instead, I will just say 'thanks.' Thanks for sharing snippets of the path you have walked. Thanks for that level and degree of raw truth.

Dennis

[songsfortheotherkind]

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_pT8jl9IS9Eg/SyeRkYgfRzI/AAAAAAAABG4/BpqVxRncXKo/s400/banshee+1.jpg

The psychic battles with my mother were far more deadly and vicious. It was relentless: she'd take me and my sisters to the drive in movies where she'd watch double feature horror movies; I'd lie in the backseat and whisper stories to my sisters until they'd go to sleep and then sit in the footwell, hands over my ears, trying to shut out the sounds. It never really worked: I already had PTSD and the movies only served to amp the nightmares, I'd wake up frozen and in horror, unable to make a sound because she'd trigger if I cried for any reason.

One night she said we were going to have a special evening together and so I sat in the front seat, looking forward to the film she had taken me especially to see. I was so excited and eager- I was still such a hopeful, ever hopeful child, I was only about 9- and mum was behaving like it was a great treat she was giving me. The movie turned out to be One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest. I was a really, really intelligent and switched on kid, I fully understood that film and I was trapped in the front seat, my mother glancing over at me every now and again, so I had to put my frozen mask on because I knew better than to let anything show. At the end of the film, when the full horror of the situation had revealed itself and I had learned that there were things called lobotomies that could be done to destroy the connection to essence permanently, she turned to me brightly and said 'if you ever do things that I don't like, I can just go to the doctors and tell them you're a problem and get them to do that to you.' She laughed at the look on my face, because the hellish picture she'd just painted pierced even my formidable defences. That night my mind crawled with nightmares so foul that for the first time I wanted to die.

http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2746/4033896977_7cb54cbe5e_z.jpg

From then on it was a constant battle to avoid her grasping energy that hunted for my essence. I learned to hone my energetic ability until it could keep her out from me in my sleep; by day I slid and skiddered and deflected constantly, battling always to protect the tiny light inside me that flickered at my core. It was that experience for almost 14 years that shut my core away from my own sight and I had to spend almost 25 years afterwards trying to excavate it again. It's the precious thing, my Self, my integrity and my essence, that I managed to hold onto and protect throughout all the darkness and nightmare; it's why having my essence and integrity maligned triggers me so badly.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_I3uImBsq97A/SgVMzWsiGeI/AAAAAAAAAjM/UOAesEipsCo/s400/waterhouse_psyche_opening_the_golden_box.jpg

I bring everything that I have to any relationship, I bring every one of my deep and true treasures and lay them out, touching them with reverence and asking 'Do you see? Do you get this? These are the gifts of my Being- are they of worth to you?' I have not been able to do this well in relationship: my language fail, my inability to navigate the banshee in the other while struggling with the remnants of it in me, my fragile grasp on any real idea of what to do in that space, all cause the creation to shatter despite the best efforts I can muster. I know it is not just me, despite what is said to me; I stay in the storm and try and try, because I know that this is something I understand, I know how to rise from ashes again and again.

What I am unsure of now is- is this a good marker? Or is the virus entangling me in another closed loop?

I eventually got so good at rebutting my mother's attacks that she finally admitted when I was 14 that she was afraid of me and the overt stuff ended then. I've since had some powerful female banshees have a go at different times and they phase me not one iota.

No, my kryptonite is males that carry banshee energy: as defense or attack mode, it doesn't matter, I'm utterly whickered by it and it turns me to gibbering mess. I've been trying to work out why and how, and what to do about it.

The thing is, I get that they're experiencing me exactly the same way, no matter what I do, and it's locked into a dynamic that I can't find my way out of. Yesterday I violated my Self by apologising for being my Self to try and diffuse the energy: I've realised today, after some other crap went down in other aspects of my life, that this is not the way I want to play, Be or co-create. That is not the path of my sui generis: I am dedicated to undoing the virus so that I can evolve *beyond* all that crap, hold the signal for a way of Being that undoes all war, all harm as it is on this level of the playing field. That means I have to tackle the virus as it manifests *in me*.

So here I am, asking my Clan to be my eyes within the signal while mine are battling virus: help me see what I cannot see, help me map this dark space in the virus so that I can respond from a beautiful and clear space rather than feeling like I'm fighting for my survival. He's the Mirror of my own confusion; I have the feeling that it is as bad a space for him as it is for me, but I own that this is just my own perception. I don't want to be the source of that kind of dissonance for anyone and I want to know how to do that without violating my Self. I want to know how to get out of a blind spot, what it takes to see that which I cannot in all sincerity see.

Deep discovery happens on a daily basis for me now. I get to explore the issues I have with connecting with another Being without all the usual sliding and sideways shifting that I habitually do: it's not as if I'm intending to do it, I'm just so used to doing these things that it's taken another slidey Being to nudge me, lean over and say 'I know what you're doing there- do you really want to do that?'. I've been able to see things that I couldn't see before, because I had taken it for granted a long, long time ago that this hidden, shifting chameleon nature was the best way for me to operate in a world of Bozo the Clowns and the Idiot Brigade. I have in the past experienced Worlds of Suck when it came to navigating the bizarro elements of connection and interaction with others; dissonance and confusion from within and without, with me having no compass, no idea of what the landscape was about

http://cdnimg.visualizeus.com/thumbs/f2/8b/drowning,woman-f28b1c5c36a0a6ec2fef390186c8a216_h.jpg

and gradually drowning within my Self, no ability to navigate within the constant deer in headlights that I still experience when it comes to getting close to another. I've been exploring this because I'm aware that I get confused in relationships due to not understanding how to hold my sui generis in the space while holding the sui generis of another. I was raised by a crazymaker (look it up, it's actually a psyche term now), a banshee, an absolute and true narcissist, one of those individuals who are capable of making every situation frought and it's *always* about them. I grew up in confusion and terror with regards what I experienced as the unpredictable and frightening behaviours of others, a constantly unstable ground which rose and heaved beneath me, no solid platform ever from which to approach the world.

and the upheaval happened again and I'm determined to follow the lead this opportunity has given me: I'm not going to waste the dark gift of awareness the banshee brings.

My relationships with males have always contained the element of banshee: it would switch between me and them with rapid fire regularity. I understand that banshees, like all wounds, attract each other. What I don't know is what to do about it- I lose my Self when I experience another as running banshee at me and I watch my Self trigger until I'm running either banshee defense (which is as toxic as banshee itself) or banshee in return. I genuinely don't know what to do in all of this: my sui generis explodes in my hands and I'm blinded, drowning in the confusion of energy and words and the inability to speak what I can see from within me because I understand how banshee works. Nothing can stop a banshee once it's triggered, unless one determinedly holds onto consciousness, and consciousness won't let a banshee play out.

This is where the deeper wound of growing up with a banshee kicks in: the deep belief that if I am my Self I'll be rejected, because that is one of the arsenal of the banshee, the slammed door, the energetic cut off, the isolation and silent treatment. As a child dependent on the banshee for survival this is terror- the choices are accept the treatment or be cast out, that micro of the macro paradigm- conform, conform, submit, acquiesce, give up your essence or be cast out, made invisible, silenced. It's a sh!tful, insidious trick that entraps and binds me, on every level; I am pierced and have my throat cut again and again with this one, because I have experienced what that abandonment was like.

http://cdnimg.visualizeus.com/thumbs/dc/9e/phoenix,reborn,woman-dc9e944007299bce0c8726e7edaa2948_h.jpg

When I was seven I was raising my two younger sisters and trying to keep things together while also using massive amounts of healing power to manage the constant physical assaults I was experiencing. I was an exhausted, haunted, hidden and internally collapsed child struggling to maintain an external mask of blankness that wouldn't trigger my mother in any way as well as not reveal anything I wasn't supposed to, such as the constant molestation at the hands of her boyfriends. I lived in constant, relentless fear and I had a powerful sense of protection towards my sisters.

One day my mother went out and didn't come home that night. The story was told to me years later by my grandmother because she had discovered that I had only fragmented memory of my childhood before age 11 and she was filling in some of the blanks; some of the details would slide and move around- after all, we were that kind of family- so this is kind of an aggregate of the various versions I was given. I apparently fed my sisters as best I could and took care of them: during the morning of the first day my closest to me sister Morgana had a fall and gashed her leg badly on some rusty tin. I did the best I could to clean it and used my energy on it and helped her feel better. The next day was the same and my mother didn't come home that night either.

http://www.methodsofhealing.com/files/2010/07/how-damaging-is-sadness-to-your-health.jpg

When we woke up the third morning my sister's leg looked really strange. It was puffy and red and my sister was running a temperature. My asthma had kicked in the night before and I was struggling to breathe from fear and worry- we had no phone, we lived in total isolation, my grandparents lived 100ks away and I was running out of food. During the day my sister became worse; there were strange red lines running from the cut, which had started weeping pus in a way that scared me, and she was getting really sick. My baby sister was crying a lot and I didn't know what to do.

By the time evening came around my sister was delirious, I had nothing but upper chest breathing and a fever that indicated my asthma had decided to become an infection. I kept pushing my Self to take care of my sisters and in a dim part of my mind something kicked in, recognising that we were in very deep sh1t. I couldn't let my Self sleep because my sister was sick- it was a thing I had, I did it on long trips too, I wouldn't let my Self sleep so that I could keep the bad away and protect my sisters- so I was beyond exhausted from the terror and struggle. So I Sent for my nanna.

Nanna said I hit her like a ton of bricks. She was up and out of the bed, racing around the house and yelling to Pa before she was even awake: Pa thought Nan was having some kind of fit, she was running around the house screaming 'John, JOHN, they're dying! They're dying!' and it took him some time before he could get her to explain. He didn't bother trying to tell her it was nothing but a dream- this was the woman who in 49 years of marriage he could never surprise with a gift because she always knew, not matter how bizarre it was, and she'd told him the moment she first held me that I had the gift in a big way- and they bundled into the car at one in the morning and drove like maniacs until they got to our house.

Nan said that when they found us Pa cursed my absent mother with language that she never heard him use before or after that day. She said I was upright and awake, grey and drenched in sweat, forcing my Self to breathe with great heaving chest movements, my two sisters heads resting on my lap and my spindly arms wrapped around them. They couldn't rouse my sister Morgana and my baby sister woke and cried about being hungry. My grandfather was so unbelievably angry and I thought he was angry with me- I kept apologising, over and over again, telling her I was sorry and that I had tried, I tried so hard and I'd tried not to get scared- I didn't realise why my Nan was crying, I thought it was because I was being such a problem, because I'd failed. Nan couldn't really talk about that part. I don't remember any of it at all.

My sister Morgana was rushed to hospital in Melbourne and spent several weeks there while they battled the septicemia. She nearly lost her leg and her life. I spent just as long in the more local hospital while I slipped in and out of a coma brought on by asthma aggravated by pleurisy. I have one memory of that; I came to and my Nan was sitting beside me, stroking the hair away from my forehead. I kept whispering to her 'don't let me die nanny, please don't let me die' and she shook her head at me and stroked my hair and told me in a voice that was absolute that it wasn't going to happen. It did though, I just am unsure now if it was that time or another, but I have died twice, struggling for breath and in shock, from asthma. Fortunately I have no conscious recollection of what they did to get me going again, but my body remembers.

After this we went and lived with my grandparents in Melbourne for quite awhile. Just when the nightmares were easing and my shoulders were learning to unlock, we were given back to my mother. My grandmother explained years later that she felt guilty over childhood stuff with my mum and she was motivated by that. It didn't matter, because it only took a short while back in that house and my mother locked me under the kitchen sink, in a tiny little cramped space, for 17 hours as punishment for some offense or other- she apparently forgot I'd been in there most of the day because I'd stopped making any sound and she went to bed- and my mind finally fractured and shattered, using my natural pathways of fluidity and turning them into a defence system that eventually would become a vicious weapon against my Self. It also formed the foundation for my later ability to play with multiplicity.

I don't think I've written about that before like that. I had had a vague sense of wanting to write about my integrity, and why it's important that this be valued in a relationship- and this came out.

[Borden]

Yogi, navel-gazer types used to piss me off. I mean the ones who sit in caves for decades and try to rise above the physical realm. The hardcore ones. To be honest, the ones who follow them used to piss me off too, but that's for a different reason.

The hardcore yogis seem to think that by not thinking, and by meditating on the fact that this reality is an illusion, they are going to transcend it. Hmm. That's a bit like going on holiday and spending the whole time in the hotel room trying to phone home. They seem to think they've come on holiday by mistake. They all look like miserable old wet weekends too. Strangely, they do tend to use room service quite a lot, and that's where the followers often come in.

The followers leave the hotel but only go to the tourist places and eat in restaurants that cater to people like them from wherever they are. They don't see the place they are in. They only see somewhere that is safely like home but with foreign people in it, unusual buildings to gawp at, and quaint anomalies in the otherwise very familiar restaurant menu.

The reason the yogi types used to piss me off is that this world is and always has been a virus lockdown, and if they're going to do something different, then it probably shouldn't be just an alternative version of magnificently missing the point. The big religions have already got everything stitched up there. The big religions focus on the concept that where you are is no f***ing holiday, but when you do finally get a holiday, it will be incredibly long, and it will either be somewhere really incredibly fab, or somewhere really unpleasant and hot. This choice of destination is dictated by what a good, unquestioning little worker you can be.

Then you've got the reductionist brigade who think that corporate-engineered lab funding constitutes the length and breadth of all that is. They wouldn't know what true science was if it reversed over them. As wave or particle. They don't even believe in the existence of holidays. So stuff them too.

I think I've gone as far as I can with the holiday thing.

Now we've got the people who aren't buying the religions or the 'melt into the great All', or the 'there is no such thing as holidays' stuff. It is one of the savage ironies of life that so many of these people will buy just about anything else. I often think that this is because the great and diverse mind-virus traps that patrol and own the human race require at least a rudimentary bit of mind in order for the virus to take hold in any way other than the utter blither of adamant likey/no likey.

All of these types used to piss me off. They don't any more unless I focus on them. Why would I bother doing that? I hear a lot of people say that the world is a school, that we are here to learn. In my experience, schools are places where creativity is either knocked out of you completely, or forced into narrow channels of expression that those who 'cannot do' deem acceptable. So stuff people who say that too. It's a playground, not a bloody school.

Then there are the Others. These are the only people in whom I have the slightest interest. S***storms can kick up amongst Others, but that's because there's actually something going on, so at least it's interesting. It's all evolution.

Is that everyone sorted out? Goody. Continue.

THE BORDEN COMPANY
Being right since 1969
(Now available in Mirror and Watcher flavours)

[songsfortheotherkind]

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a199/Kaiohon/perfall08.jpg


The other thing that I remember around my integrity was how my mother used to cover her arse whenever we'd move, which was often because she was always causing major sh!t in her life- I went to 56 different primary schools; she would take me into the headmaster's office and sit there and explain how I was a child prone to to lying and manipulation, and that I was also a clumsy child that was always trying to get attention and that I'd make up outrageous stories in order to get it. She'd then give an example that would happen to be a real one, when I'd told the truth to a teacher about how I'd gotten the bruises on my arms. In later years she'd say that I'd been diagnosed with a personality disorder of some kind or another and that I was never to be trusted.

I'd sit there and experience the gradually darkening expression of the adult my mother was talking to, the hardness of face turned towards me as they'd assure my mother not to worry, they knew just how to deal with that sort of thing. Words cannot describe how my insides would twist in fear and despair.

There was no safe place at all for me in the world of adults and I had no voice against being misrepresented, maligned: I was a kid who tried so f*ucking hard to be whatever was needed to make the pain stop. I tried everything I could, did everything I could, lived in silence and watchfulness, kept my Self deeply hidden- nothing worked. Nothing stopped it until I fought back and slammed my mother repeatedly into a corner energetically. She then left me alone overtly, but covertly started her war behind the scenes. I could never, ever tell what was really happening, could never be sure what ground I was on. I understand that, I understand what it's like to feel on such uncertain ground and it's why I struggle to honor my Self and the other in the space: I simply don't know how yet, not with any degree of grace.

There is never malicious or malign intent- I was the kind of kid who stood in front of my sister when my mother lunged at us with a knife and I really thought I was going to die in that moment. I distracted my mother so that her rage would fall on me instead of my smaller siblings and I was grateful for preventing them from ever getting hit. I'm genuinely not the kind of Being that is interested in anything less than evolution, yet I have never been able to get this aspect to work. I have never been able to make peace with the banshee, either within or without.

As a result of growing up with a banshee I have two ways of Being with others, two places within me that other Beings inhabit: if a Being does not reside in either one of these places then they simply do not ping my sensitive internal web and I am immune to whatever they're doing, thinking or Being. I have an internal set point that delineates the difference between 'I like this Being on some level so I'll let them in' and 'I now really care for this person and I'm aware this means they can hammer the beejums out of me'. Those are my internal markers- the third marker is everyone else, which isn't really a marker as much as an awareness that the individual isn't part of my monkeysphere and therefore I don't have to care about their opinion on any deeper level. There is only so much that I can think about, which is why I have turned away from all the fear porn and bellowing about things I can do nothing about: I have my own transformation to embrace, how can I tell others what to do or how to be?

The challenge of holding my own sui generis while holding that of another that happens to have moved into that inner circle within me- this is the ground, the territory, in which I lose my Self. When an individual gets into my true inner circle, that's when I have experienced my Self getting lost: the confusion around 'what am I supposed to be doing here?' and my sense of jangling uncertainty interconnects with a whole heap of other noise that I struggle with based around a core tenet of 'not ok' that recycles through me when I'm involved- in the true sense of the word, conscious, intentionally connecting and interacting, not just there in body- with another Being. These Beings that actually get my attention in the first place are rare and deeply powerful in my life: it's the ones that carry the banshee in their signal that are the ones that I flounder with. They are the ones I am profoundly drawn to because that part of me wants to heal and be whole: instead I find my Self drawn into a dance that I've never mastered.

http://ownieu.owni.fr/files/2011/06/multiple-identites.png

It's so easy for me to slide and chameleon who I am, I started before the age of seven and it's first response for me- only I don't really want to do that anymore, or at least until I discover if it's a legitimate way of Being for me. That one I'm not yet sure about. I'm looking at this more carefully now, tracing out the patterns with careful fingers, watching what it is that I do: I sense a tremor of some kind within the web around me and I look for what is going to make me invisible, or accommodating- anything to keep from shattering the connection and the resultant confusion this creates in me.

I don't know how to focus on my own Signal and have all the gates open to another- there seems to be a fundamental glitch in that process for me because a creeping sense of disconnect becomes present, as if on some level I'm only pretending connection and it's all really still just coming from an innate ability to mimic emotion while not really having any sense of being able to connect with another. I've asked the question many times- what is connection? What is intimacy?- but the answers have been so enmeshed within either a spiritual or human philosophy and experience that I could never find any truly satisfactory signal to map from, which leaves me to struggle through the process of finding my own.

http://f0.bcbits.com/z/30/12/3012274144-1.jpg

At the core of it all, none of what I went through has left me without that which I came in with- my Shine, my essence, my instinctive understanding of sui generis even if I only truly started developing the language in the past year; I have the memory systems I was born with, of ancient worlds and my own history in the 'Verse, my experience of the Otherrealms and slidey multiverses that I have disappeared into and walked through. It's all part of my Self, the me that I had and lost and fought so long and so hard to rebuild, searching in all the hidden corners of my internal landscape for the fragments and pieces while trying to put on a face to the world that would let the worst of the noise pass me by.

I have struggled with the echoes of the virus in my head, shrieking and bansheeing me into near madness in the early days, pushing me over the edge on a few occasions and into the abyss, where I would fall for so long in the dark, folded over my flickering light, mind drawn down to a pinprick of concentration and unspeakable mantra, only able to focus on that tiny point of light within until gradually I would fall right back into the place that I had left. I have reborn and reborn and recreated my Self from the ashes again and again, each time a little more refined, a little more in possession of my Shine, willing to keep going and embracing and expanding into the space, despite having no clue if it's going to be any better than before. I used to despise that quality in me, that willingness to risk immolation for the sake of what the possibility of connection holds out to me; now I embrace it, have put it in my box of treasures and value it highly because it is part of my fundamental nature, part of the vehicle by which I evolve.


http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnn49h7PuH1qgtmnto1_500.jpg

I cannot claim to be unbroken and so I never say that I am: I know that I experience the glitches and clunk that comes from having had to rebuild my Self from scratch, with only instinct and intuition to guide me. I am pieces that have been put back together with nothing but the great heart of a lone dreamer, nothing but a vision of something that I could never tell for sure was of a past or a future, but that inspired and called to me nonetheless. I have scars and brokenness still, yet what radiates from the cracks is my Shine, with every molecule I can muster, with every expansion of my heart.

I am not perfect and I know I never will be- I don't want to be, there's no evolution in that and I have no desire to be redundant. I know now that I've been afraid all my life of being rejected for being my Self, the faint echoes of old curses ringing in my ears spewed by a jealous and venomous woman who couldn't stand her Self. I have walked alone in that world for most of my life, unable to adequately communicate the visions and knowing that I have, separated by the chasm between the worlds that I naturally live within and without and the frightening consensus reality that swarmed around me.

I'm gathering up my trembling courage and looking for something greater than what I've had in the past. I want to be loved for my Self, for my integrity and bravery and my willingness to get up again and again as long as the consciousness and communication is there; I want to be Seen for who I really am, horns, wings and whatever else I choose to create my Self into, my slidey worlds and unbounded possibilities.

I know that the girl who stood her ground in the face of the banshee, who crept out of her room in the small hours of the morning to write music on the piano, who danced when no-one was watching, who laughed behind her hand at the world despite the scars, who still dreams and visions, who is willing to open up to life again and again, who rode her motorbike up the cliff and sat at the top grinning, who mostly still doesn't have a clue and is willing to do things anyway- that girl is me still, wide eyed and full of Shine. I am willing to live into that, and find out how to love her better every day. I have no idea if that's going to work for anyone else in the long run- perhaps the best that I can hope for is a series of Beings who want to play in the dance with me for awhile and then whirl off into the darkness again- and I know that loving my Self is what remains. So I'm scared, and that's nothing new, and I'm willing to do it anyway.


http://media.noupe.com//uploads/2011/03/028.jpg


http://muslimhippie.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/grabby-dance.jpg

Viva la dance.

*sideways eyed grinning*

[songsfortheotherkind]

Then there are the Others. These are the only people in whom I have the slightest interest. S***storms can kick up amongst Others, but that's because there's actually something going on, so at least it's interesting. It's all evolution.

Is that everyone sorted out? Goody. Continue.

THE BORDEN COMPANY
Being right since 1969
(Now available in Mirror and Watcher flavours)

The Mirror and Watcher flavours was the very best bit. :P

[songsfortheotherkind]

Well, that's my personal effort on the 'Making the Pub Patron's Eyeballs Fall Out' for today.

*lies face down on the floor, limp spaghetti arms trailing towards the keyboard*

Here, have some music, and I'll have a glass of something designed to drop kick my mind into another dimension. Ooooh, look, there it is... water...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fC_q9KPczAg&ob=av2e

[songsfortheotherkind]

The hardcore yogis seem to think that by not thinking, and by meditating on the fact that this reality is an illusion, they are going to transcend it. Hmm. That's a bit like going on holiday and spending the whole time in the hotel room trying to phone home. They seem to think they've come on holiday by mistake. They all look like miserable old wet weekends too. Strangely, they do tend to use room service quite a lot, and that's where the followers often come in.

The followers leave the hotel but only go to the tourist places and eat in restaurants that cater to people like them from wherever they are. They don't see the place they are in. They only see somewhere that is safely like home but with foreign people in it, unusual buildings to gawp at, and quaint anomalies in the otherwise very familiar restaurant menu.

The reason the yogi types used to piss me off is that this world is and always has been a virus lockdown, and if they're going to do something different, then it probably shouldn't be just an alternative version of magnificently missing the point. The big religions have already got everything stitched up there. The big religions focus on the concept that where you are is no f***ing holiday, but when you do finally get a holiday, it will be incredibly long, and it will either be somewhere really incredibly fab, or somewhere really unpleasant and hot. This choice of destination is dictated by what a good, unquestioning little worker you can be.

Then you've got the reductionist brigade who think that corporate-engineered lab funding constitutes the length and breadth of all that is. They wouldn't know what true science was if it reversed over them. As wave or particle. They don't even believe in the existence of holidays. So stuff them too.

I think I've gone as far as I can with the holiday thing.

Now we've got the people who aren't buying the religions or the 'melt into the great All', or the 'there is no such thing as holidays' stuff. It is one of the savage ironies of life that so many of these people will buy just about anything else. I often think that this is because the great and diverse mind-virus traps that patrol and own the human race require at least a rudimentary bit of mind in order for the virus to take hold in any way other than the utter blither of adamant likey/no likey.

All of these types used to piss me off. They don't any more unless I focus on them. Why would I bother doing that? I hear a lot of people say that the world is a school, that we are here to learn. In my experience, schools are places where creativity is either knocked out of you completely, or forced into narrow channels of expression that those who 'cannot do' deem acceptable. So stuff people who say that too. It's a playground, not a bloody school.

Then there are the Others. These are the only people in whom I have the slightest interest. S***storms can kick up amongst Others, but that's because there's actually something going on, so at least it's interesting. It's all evolution.

Is that everyone sorted out? Goody. Continue.

THE BORDEN COMPANY
Being right since 1969
(Now available in Mirror and Watcher flavours)

There is so much win in this.


The hardcore yogis seem to think that by not thinking, and by meditating on the fact that this reality is an illusion, they are going to transcend it. Hmm. That's a bit like going on holiday and spending the whole time in the hotel room trying to phone home. They seem to think they've come on holiday by mistake. They all look like miserable old wet weekends too. Strangely, they do tend to use room service quite a lot, and that's where the followers often come in.

I have at least a dozen images of various miserable old wet weekends currently scrolling through my head... *smorfling*

[songsfortheotherkind]

I am so tired but I had to read this post Songs. I have just returned from the battleground out there on another thread that is so full of the virus, it has exhausted me .. and I wonder why I bother.

I no longer bother- I am choosing my Clan and those with whom I wish to share the process of shedding the virus, I'm focusing on creating and exploring the sui generis world here with Beings that I am willing to open to because, as rough and tumultuous as it sometimes might be, I have seen the beauty in the process here and this is what I want.


Thank you for this latest writing, truly, I am nourished here.

You take care
Big hugs, Z xox

I never cease to be genuinely amazed that my blibbling has any value. *bows* I am glad that it does.

[Mad Hatter]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry just needed somewhere to get that of my chest.... resume normal programming (whatever that is)

[songsfortheotherkind]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry just needed somewhere to get that of my chest.... resume normal programming (whatever that is)

Ah, been out in the main forum, have we? Found the screaming room there, I see- I'm glad I built that.

:D

[another bob]

Dear Songs, deep gratitude for sharing your past and process here! You've been given a terrific test/challenge to overcome in this life cycle, but that can also provide the circumstance for greatness to be forged, as is evident in your "signal" today. I don't want to dilute your gift with more words, but one does come to mind -- forgiveness.

:yo:

[another bob]

The hardcore yogis seem to think that by not thinking, and by meditating on the fact that this reality is an illusion, they are going to transcend it. Hmm. That's a bit like going on holiday and spending the whole time in the hotel room trying to phone home. They seem to think they've come on holiday by mistake. They all look like miserable old wet weekends too. Strangely, they do tend to use room service quite a lot, and that's where the followers often come in.

Yes, wonderful example!




It's a playground, not a bloody school.


I don't know what it is, because every time I thought I figured out what it is, I found out it wasn't that either, so now I don't try to name or tame or blame it. I just let it be whatever it is, and if I have to say anything at all, I just say, "Glory to That!"

:yo:

[songsfortheotherkind]

I don't want to dilute your gift with more words, but one does come to mind -- forgiveness.
:yo:

I am one of those Beings for whom 50 or 500 or 50000 possibilities arise when the parameters are left that wide and I'm learning that the first thing I have to do is ask specifics so that I know the perspective- so did you say that with a particular perspective and idea in mind? Are you meaning for me to take it in a particular context- in which case, could you specify that because it's too wide open for me to know what one you are intending me to get- or are you using it in the endless sense of applying it right through the entire signal of everything that I can hold in my space? This is where I'd naturally go, and I'm learning that this is often not what the individual is intending.

I'm struggling right now because of a painful disconnect in my life. I'm trying to work my way through it without either losing my Self or being bamfoozled by the virus. It's looking disgustingly inelegant and I'm a hag. The temptation is there to just chuck the whole thing, shut down and admit defeat but I'm just not built that way: what I'm built for is joy and dance, but I'm beginning to wonder if that is a solitary thing for me. Even that doesn't work though, because I know I need the Mirror to really see anything.

Fail all round! Excellent. I'm moving into new levels of evolution, then.

[another bob]

I don't want to dilute your gift with more words, but one does come to mind -- forgiveness.
:yo:

...are you using it in the endless sense of applying it right through the entire signal of everything that I can hold in my space?

Yes, exactly. One of the main "knowings" I returned to this human consciousness with was this: Forgive everybody everything. I myself have needed to delve deeper and deeper into the many layers of implications of that, and it only makes increasing sense as I do. Blessings to you, my Sister!

:yo:

[Calz]

The Pub has become my Clan. I actually am head of a legally recognised Clan in real life, in which I am known as the Phoenix, the one who keeps the evolution going by being able to rise from her own ashes again and again. It's a deeply spiritual and power calling and I resisted it for the longest time; I don't resist it any more, it's just how it is and it's part of my sui generis.

Clan is an intimate thing for me. I have recognised that the connection and revealing that happens within Clan works for me because of the multiversal nature of my Being; within a group there is less possibility of being mindf*ucked, of having oily slitherin' pull its tricks in the midst of blind spots and emotional black holes. Within an intimate group there is the sense of having more than one someone at my back: knowing the virus the way that I do, I fully get how it can mess with individuals when they are in deep connection with each other and having more eyes watching the dynamics makes so much sense to me. I get it all the time in the energetic and Other realms; in contrast the societal and psychological isolations here cause me to feel like I'm constantly stumbling through the matrix blinded.





Aside from a deep appreciation for such a deep soul level expression of yourself not only in words but complementary images ... it's hard for me to find any words.

Even donning Mad Hatter's Expression of Anguish Hat ...

I can only offer images in honor of your warrior spirit.

May the Phoenix always continue to ascend from the ashes ...

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2193/2063617793_55a119be57_o.jpg

http://www.gameplayertees.com/wallpapers/main.php?g2_view=core.DownloadItem&g2_itemId=680&g2_serialNumber=5

http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs45/i/2009/074/1/1/Drow_Warrioress_Tssith__nara_by_id10tech.jpg

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dRdo6UATDik/TXP8Uv52uzI/AAAAAAAAnpc/sYn7s2-04CY/s1600/fantasy-166.jpg

[Calz]

http://quackpot.com/albums/dragons/Fantasy_Dragon_17704.sized.jpg

http://earthharmonyhome.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/PhoenixRising.jpeg

http://pix.com.ua/db/art/surrealism/boris_valedjo-1/b-phoenix.jpg

[songsfortheotherkind]

Yes, exactly. One of the main "knowings" I returned to this human consciousness with was this: Forgive everybody everything. I myself have needed to delve deeper and deeper into the many layers of implications of that, and it only makes increasing sense as I do. Blessings to you, my Sister! :yo:

See, I have strange experiences with the way the idea of forgiveness is used here in this paradigm because everything is subjective- even the idea of forgiveness can be used as a weapon and virus vehicle- but then I'm beginning to see a great many things that I haven't been willing or able to see before. I'm riding one of the fastest and most tumultuous processing storms I've ever had in my life and if I had the space I'd simply record it and talk it out, but I don't so this is the next best thing.

I'm taking out the rest of the response here and turning it into a post of its own- at the time I was writing it I thought that you might think I was writing it about your comment and it seems that this was a good intuition. No impuning anything to your perspective or view, dear man, it's all where *my* head goes. :)

Thank you for gently showing me the invisible line. :)

[songsfortheotherkind]

Aside from a deep appreciation for such a deep soul level expression of yourself not only in words but complementary images ... it's hard for me to find any words.

Even donning Mad Hatter's Expression of Anguish Hat ...

I can only offer images in honor of your warrior spirit.

May the Phoenix always continue to ascend from the ashes ...

Calz, you say-and have said- such nice things to me sometimes and I never really know what to say to it, particularly at the moment when it feels like I'm just vomiting process all over the Pub and I'm not even sure that's ok; the only reason I'm continuing to do it is because I have chosen my Clan and this is it. I don't know if it's ok to choose others without their consent, so I'm figuring that if individuals have an issue with it they'll express that one way or another; I'm not trying to tell others who, what or how to be, or even insisting that they have to accept me, I'm just being my Self. I'm leaving others to work out how they want to be with that.

Right now, I feel more


http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i187/SexiLatina4life/_Soul_Fracture_by_xee69.jpg


than any of the pics you've posted, and thank you for the kinder images and reflection of me than what I currently choose and have. I really love that you did that.

I process faster than I write; by the time one thing has been posted I've moved on to the next 23 levels so I figure I'll be hitting the good evolutionary stuff at some point soon- right now I'm just getting the mess out of the way. I figure if we don't know how to be messy with each other, we'll suck at getting a handle on deep level sui generis. That's how it feels to me atm anyway.

*sideways smile at you* That image of the blue girl with the nose ring- that's exactly the same kind of ring I have in mine these days.

:kiss:

[Mad Hatter]

Hmmm...


I'm currently shattered by the idea that I've done nothing but **** with other people's heads in an unforgiveable way because I can't prove my world and because I can't live it without imperfection or glitch, that by being unable to embrace the rules of concrete and consensus realities and the parameters of others, I have done something unforgiveable and wrong, that my world and way of Being is wrong and devious on some fundamental level.

R U sirius...con-crete....con-sensus....what ferkin rulz.... spoon, spoon did someone see a spoon???.... show me an entity that is NOT making this up as they go along....

Ferk with my head you cannot, leastways not until you get better at it than I am :p

[songsfortheotherkind]

Hmmm...

R U sirius...con-crete....con-sensus....what ferkin rulz.... spoon, spoon did someone see a spoon???.... show me an entity that is NOT making this up as they go along....

http://unrealitymag.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/keanu-no-spoon.jpg

See, that's how it works for me too, having that fluid and irreverent and slidey an approach to all this bizarro world 'reality', and apparently I can really hurt others doing things that way. I'm currently in the middle of a sh!tstorm as a result and in case you haven't noticed, it's rather sh!tful. I'm getting through it- I think this sums it up quite nicely:

http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/316/3/5/profile_picture_by_o_demented_one-d4g02b8.jpg


Ferk with my head you cannot, leastways not until you get better at it than I am :p

*relieved faceplant* excellent! I can tick you off my list then. :D *sudden sideways grin* And is that an invitation to see if I *can* get better at it than you? *innocent expression*

[songsfortheotherkind]

http://www.lilspoon.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/what-if-there-is-no-spoon.jpg

[another bob]

One of the things that I have about that concept of endless forgiveness, endless no engagement because it's all nothing, is that I forgive everyone everything until I no longer exist, am a ghost of an idea that has no substance at all, am just the imaginary seaweed being pushed about by the existence of everyone else. Forgive, forgive, with no connection, everything emptiness and nothingness, which suits those who like it that way but not a creature who is looking to create new realities, not dissolve everything into endless nothingness. Dissolving into the nothingness, that's what I get from the expression of endless forgiveness that you wrote of; you do know it's one of the reasons that I hold my Self out from you, don't you- have you figured that out yet? You keep talking about a Void and Emptiness that I don't want to go near, have never wanted to go near and if it means staying in a universe where I have to experience eternal aloneness but can at least participate in the greater Dance with the physical creation then I'll do that rather than dissolve into the Nothing. The true Fallen, pure, non-hybrid, I'm prepared to be, if Void is the only other option.

Whew, Songs -- in this case, I find so many elements being strangely conflated, with a rather simple and straightforward concept being fashioned into a massive projection about the "Void" and "Emptiness", that I'm not even sure how to respond.

For the sake of some feedback, when I say 'forgiveness", I simply mean letting go of the past, letting go of negative judgment, releasing stored hurts, judgments, and grudges, all of which has nothing whatsoever to do with "dissolving into nothingness". If anything, it's a matter of returning to an original wholeness, without some internal war dominating one's psyche any longer.

I do not mean in any way to suggest some kind of destiny of "eternal aloneness", or whatever fantasy you've surmised from my words. I fully support your dance with creation, and wish you continued joy and discovery in the process, but please do not attribute themes and intent to me that are actually based on your own projections.


:yo:

[songsfortheotherkind]

Whew, Songs -- in this case, I find so many elements being strangely conflated, with a rather simple and straightforward concept being fashioned into a massive projection about the "Void" and "Emptiness", that I'm not even sure how to respond.

For the sake of some feedback, when I say 'forgiveness", I simply mean letting go of the past, letting go of negative judgment, releasing stored hurts, judgments, and grudges, all of which has nothing whatsoever to do with "dissolving into nothingness". If anything, it's a matter of returning to an original wholeness, without some internal war dominating one's psyche any longer.

I do not mean in any way to suggest some kind of destiny of "eternal aloneness", or whatever fantasy you've surmised from my words. I fully support your dance with creation, and wish you continued joy and discovery in the process, but please do not attribute themes and intent to me that are actually based on your own projections.


:yo:

You absolutely know they are my own projections, as do I: I'm in the space of *me*, not you- I'm showing you why I struggle with the concepts, not that I struggle with how you are with them or they are for you. Endless forgiveness was what I had, and was used against me to force me into a position of having to take all the other person's crap or I wasn't being 'forgiving'.

I told you I was freefalling through the noise to get to the bottom of it all: it's not a fantasy, it's grappling with a frightening loss of Self at the hands of those who knew how to manipulate 'forgiveness' into a weapon and that I have in the past had no adequate response to. It's a necessary part of getting over the fear of others, because I have to know how to be ok with judgement (not that you were, I'm referring to that of others) when they are equating 'forgiveness' with 'now you have to take my crap or else you are being unforgiving'.

Hmm. I thought you would get that, I did. Chalk it up to more 'that doesn't work, try something else'. *shrugs, grinning*

[songsfortheotherkind]

http://rookery.s3.amazonaws.com/737500/737720_4abe_625x1000.jpg


There are, apparently, also no pants.

[Mad Hatter]

*raises an eyebrow*

is that an invitation to see if I *can* get better at it than you? *innocent expression*

If you wish to waste time need deep in sh!t with aligators snapping at your arse... but I should inform you that remembering the original intention was to drain the swamp can get a little tricky :p

*grins then wanders of to book another session in the rubber room via the hall of mirrors*

[Calz]

http://poisonish.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/funny-pictures-matrix-cat-is-bent-by-spoon1.jpg?w=535

@MH
*grins then wanders of to book another session in the rubber room via the hall of mirrors*

http://www.landisimages.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/Povey8354Landis1-1024x666.jpg

[songsfortheotherkind]

*raises an eyebrow*

is that an invitation to see if I *can* get better at it than you? *innocent expression*

If you wish to waste time need deep in sh!t with aligators snapping at your arse... but I should inform you that remembering the original intention was to drain the swamp can get a little tricky :p

*grins then wanders of to book another session in the rubber room via the hall of mirrors*

ah, so we're draining a swamp full of arse snapping alligators? Awesome! I was wondering what I was going to do with the rest of my afternoon...

Hey, when you're done with the rubber room, want to come join me in the nerf gun Super Gallery o' Extreme? It's got all five dimensions working today, *including* Portal, so it should be fun. :D

[Calz]

ah, so we're draining a swamp full of arse snapping alligators? Awesome! I was wondering what I was going to do with the rest of my afternoon...




Been too damn long since we've had a bit of debauchery it has ...

Reputation upheld it must be ...

[okay ... this gator nearsighted it is ...]

http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/friday-random-best-20.jpg?w=500&h=410

[songsfortheotherkind]

Been too damn long since we've had a bit of debauchery it has ...

Reputation upheld it must be ...

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Ap3yeiUMnIo/TZIaj66gG2I/AAAAAAAAIBg/KqDF_jpLZlc/s400/mating%2Bseason.jpg


Of course I wouldn't know anything about faking orgasms so I might be in trouble...

[songsfortheotherkind]

So, it's another post about the perfectstorm level of processing that I'm going through at the moment, with modifications: I'm pulling in the freefalling energy and editing out the more extreme streams of consciousness because they don't apparently reflect the intention I have in writing them out. I'll sit with things longer, although that feels... *waves hands* sanitised? Although I am also aware that performance art isn't everyone's cup of tea (or vodka, depending on the performance) and that my flailing might need a more private audience, an inner sanctum of the Pub, as it were. I don't know, it's one of those social niceties things I've never understood and if anyone wants to chime in with some perspective about that it would be grand.

I am currently trying to tell the difference between authenticity and self indulgence or lack of *waves hands in frustration* recognition of social parameters? What are the parameters when real looks like and feels like this at the moment-'

http://www.phawker.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/08/youngones_maybe.jpg

with some of this thrown in

http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/dam/assets/111005015302-swagger-fight-club-horizontal-gallery.jpg

It's an interesting exploration. :P Where 'interesting' equates with 'head just exploded, carry on'.

I wrote out a huge reply to something another bob posted, and I've edited it and am rearranging it here, pared down to the salient bits as much as it's possible for someone who paints with words the way that I do.

I have a confusion with forgiveness. I don't have a confusion with the concept of letting go the illusionary idea of someone owing me a debt based on something they did or didn't do to me. Forgiveness is a word that is loaded with religious stuff for me and I've had it used against me as a weapon, as I've mentioned: I find a lot of virussy individuals use the concepts of acceptance and forgiveness as weapons. If I try and create a boundary around any of their behaviour then I'm suddenly not accepting them for who they are, as the individuals they are, and I'm being unforgiving. It was a real mind job that I could never figure out, if I cared about the person doing it to me.

I'm learning through all this process to redefine all of that. I'm figuring out that I value other people's sui generis and Being more than I value my own: I tell my Self that it's being understanding or it's demonstrating that I care about their stuff and I'm willing to embrace that but really, in the end, I'm just f*ucking my Self over in subtle - and sometimes, not so subtle- ways out of some sense that it's demonstrating caring.

I have failed to hold my own sui generis at least on the same level as I hold the other Being's. I am always willing to do things to me on some levels that result in me feeling crap about my Self and then this leaks over onto the other person because I'm carrying the energy of self betrayal. In writing what I did about the banshee, I was exploring where I get my glitches from so that I can release them because I don't want anyone to be forced into being my Mirror for the sh!tty aspects of me that I don't want to own. I get that by refusing to accept all the elements of me that I don't want to embrace I'm forcing someone else to mirror them for me. That's a sucky dynamic and energy to put out into the 'Verse and an even suckier dynamic to put onto someone who I care about, because they're going to have similar woundings to me and why would I want to hurt them like that? I don't. I just haven't seen it this way before.

Here's what I've learned in the last 24 hours or so about that process, looking back at my history:

I learned that I've never released the debts I hold against my Self. I have continued to believe that on some level all that early crap I experienced happened because somehow I actually did deserve it, I was fundamentally wrong, I was the evil and vile demon spawn that my mother's church kept trying to exorcise, and all the rest of it. I have held the dual conflicts in my space- loving and hating my Self- and have split them off; I wanted someone *outside* of me to love me wholly, to accept me, to hold the space for my Shine, while I have held the space for the insecurity, the self loathing, the internal belief that I'm inevitably f*ucked up beyond measure.

This is crap on many levels. There's all sorts of stuff that I wrote- and deleted- about that process, because it fundamentally comes down to this: my refusal to own that I have issues with me forces someone else into appearing to be my Mirror. This has been a crap process for my relationships and I'm over it. I've realised that my choices are, accept that I have all these belief systems that loathe me, live into that, be honest about me and just accept that I have the belief that doing so will result in my being alone because that happens *anyway*, or not and continue to have the same force 10 clusterf*uck in my life as I've experienced around relationships.

I will never find acceptance in relationship while I don't accept my Self. That has been most clearly mirrored to me this time and it's caned me so utterly beyond anything that I've gone through before that I'm finally laying down my resistance and accepting the truth of me. I cannot be loved while something in me thinks I'm a freak, and a mistake.

So I'm laying down the battle and accepting the former. I'm not going to be careful or accommodating in my relationships anymore because apparently that equates with being manipulative and abusive on some level. I'll deal with how I feel about my Self, and I'll work out what the rest looks like while my internal markers say that not caring about what's happening for the other individual equates with no relationship at all.

I have no idea how it works- it honestly seems like it doesn't work at all, but that's just my perception- and I'm fully prepared to give it a go because I'm genuinely trying to get my head around the way sui generis works in all this. Love, apparently, is not patient and kind at all, nor is it any of those other things mentioned in that quote; love says '**** you' if something doesn't suit it- in a polite but firm way because after all, this is love and not Tank Catapault- and love suits itself at all times.

As my darling Cerridwen says, 'it's all about me, me, me': I've heard that from Borden too, and as he's apparently been right since 1969, it would appear that's the way to do it. I think it sounds harsher than it really is; I'm beginning to be intrigued by love being way more anarchic and punk than I previously considered, which sounds like much more fun than what I've been approaching it as.

All of this is connected to much bigger interweavings with the macro that I've been observing, the experience of this planet as a platform for endless multiverses and a heap of other things that are causing me to be full of bounce, but that is a different progression of posts...

[Calz]

One more stroll through the Pub's Art Gallery ... this time remembering to add one at *the end* for Zebra :wave:

[must be that blue colored font Songsie was using :dirol: ]

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_lcUWYYM-RjE/TPPVCHixhCI/AAAAAAAAA24/9TJv_9v_aRs/s1600/maria.-1024x768.jpg

http://www.uimages.org/wallpapers/2011/12/wallpapers-victorian-wallpaper-awesome-images-black-shmithdark-600x960.jpg

http://ipadwallpaperportal.com/wp-content/main/2010_11/dark-girl.jpg

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_bVtGlUaW-tA/TBnTe91UGnI/AAAAAAAAH5w/gmECTpE33gk/s1600/Virginia_alone_in_the_dark_by_josemanchado.jpg

[Borden]

Look at Songsy evolve!

Bob doesn't want to melt into the big nothing ... he's not a miserable yogi! I'm a bloody Sith and even I knew that! How many exclamation marks can I put in one post?!

I've never seen Bob tell anyone off before, and I wasn't sure because it was so nice. He's a grown-up again though, albeit a pleasantly floating one, so it's possible he did tell you off I suppose. That forgiveness is just letting go of the debt. Why do you think I'm not pissed off with the types I mentioned a couple of pages ago any more? Blimey ... it's not because I don't want to be pissed off with them. Being pissed off with people is enormous fun, I'm really good at it, and here on the planet of the apes I am mind-buggeringly spoiled for choice. It's just that I have noticed, much to my annoyance, that it doesn't seem to get me anywhere. All that attachment to other people's noise is absolutely not sui generis. Bah. Oh well.

Songsy, sometimes the most intelligent, astute, creative people run into jams about themselves that appear ridiculous even to themselves. It's a bit like Darth Vader building a whole Death Star but stupidly leaving a big hole in it where Rebels can fly in and blow the whole thing up. It's not that the Death Star was a rubbish idea ... it's just a matter of modification. When you're as immersed in mapping yourself as you are it can be easy to not see the wood for the trees. Thick people find a tree and are astounded by it, so there's no confusion. Until they chop it down or worship it or something, but that's their own stupid business. (I forgive them though!)

By the way, I've been being right since long before 1969, but the trade descriptions laws are extremely tedious, and I have no inclination to go through the Indian court system for decades just so I can legally say 'since the dawn of time' instead.

(p.s. Great pictures in that last post, Calz. I especially like the bottom one. The bottom one.)

[Curt]

"I drew a gun....he drew a gun....I drew another gun....and soon we were surrounded by pictures of guns..."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHSi_sPfICM&feature=player_embedded

[Calz]

"I drew a gun....he drew a gun....I drew another gun....and soon we were surrounded by pictures of guns..."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHSi_sPfICM&feature=player_embedded


http://lesinsectesontnosamis.hautetfort.com/media/00/02/3261955127.jpg

[Borden]

God, Curtis ... I'm ashamed to say I knew about 75% of those! They missed out the one about the tiny, tiny pub piano player though, who is only a foot tall. Turns out his agent had found a magic lamp, genie, etc., but it must have been a deaf genie because he ended up with a twelve inch pianist.

[songsfortheotherkind]

It's so unutterably strange to me that my adopting a way of Being that I experience as constricting my emotional Self down is perceived as evolution. It mystified me all those years ago when absolutely nobody could tell that I was deeply dissociated and couldn't feel pain, either. I thought the idea of evolution was expansion, not contraction, but then I'm pretty thick about many things.

Clearly I'm stumbling around on a planet where I don't have a clue about the rules...

[Borden]

I was addressing your expansion, not your constriction. Do not associate what I said with your past trauma or people's perception of it please. I am not those people.

[Calz]

Clearly I'm stumbling around on a planet where I don't have a clue about the rules...



Rules???

Rules???

This planet has rules it does??? :noidea:


http://gleaner.rutgers.edu/files/2011/04/barphoto.jpg

[songsfortheotherkind]

"I drew a gun....he drew a gun....I drew another gun....and soon we were surrounded by pictures of guns..."


*laughing delightedly* I *love* these guys, I'd forgotten about them! Thankyou, that was awesome.

[songsfortheotherkind]

Look at Songsy evolve!

Bob doesn't want to melt into the big nothing ... he's not a miserable yogi! I'm a bloody Sith and even I knew that! How many exclamation marks can I put in one post?!

I've never seen Bob tell anyone off before, and I wasn't sure because it was so nice. He's a grown-up again though, albeit a pleasantly floating one, so it's possible he did tell you off I suppose. That forgiveness is just letting go of the debt. Why do you think I'm not pissed off with the types I mentioned a couple of pages ago any more? Blimey ... it's not because I don't want to be pissed off with them. Being pissed off with people is enormous fun, I'm really good at it, and here on the planet of the apes I am mind-buggeringly spoiled for choice. It's just that I have noticed, much to my annoyance, that it doesn't seem to get me anywhere. All that attachment to other people's noise is absolutely not sui generis. Bah. Oh well.

I've clarified elsewhere the clunk I have between forgiveness and releasing the debt. I don't want to use language that doesn't work for me and forgiveness is a word that makes me feel squick. The concept of letting go the debt doesn't have that effect because they mean two very different things to me. Forgiveness leads me down the hole that I fell into in the reply to bob's post, which I've since hacked back to pretty much nothing: I found what I needed to while I was falling and embraced it. I don't mind that bob told me off, either- I'd given him permission to, so that would have been silly.


Songsy, sometimes the most intelligent, astute, creative people run into jams about themselves that appear ridiculous even to themselves. It's a bit like Darth Vader building a whole Death Star but stupidly leaving a big hole in it where Rebels can fly in and blow the whole thing up. It's not that the Death Star was a rubbish idea ... it's just a matter of modification. When you're as immersed in mapping yourself as you are it can be easy to not see the wood for the trees. Thick people find a tree and are astounded by it, so there's no confusion. Until they chop it down or worship it or something, but that's their own stupid business. (I forgive them though!)

To quote you: "pretend I'm an idiot and don't know what you're talking about". This is too obscure for me currently and I'd genuinely like to know what you're talking about. I'm no longer going to try and figure out what individuals mean- if I don't get it I'll say so and ask for clarification.

[songsfortheotherkind]

I was addressing your expansion, not your constriction. Do not associate what I said with your past trauma or people's perception of it please. I am not those people.

You're right, I was addressing it obliquely to you and you're right, I was looking at the constriction I'm feeling with regards us rather than what you were talking about, which is something I can hold in the space if I look in a different direction. I'm not experiencing this shifting about as an entirely positive thing, and I'm prepared to accept that that may be due to virus manipulations I'm not aware of. The expansions I'm happy with are the ones regarding not wanting anyone having to be a mirror and not wanting to put that out there in my 'Verse, then I go and do it to you again. At least now that I've been honest about the constriction, I can let it go and not play that out.

Sorry I did that. Clunky reconfiguring.

[Borden]

I was referencing the things you'd just said you were 'clunking' with, feeling confused about, that's all. There was no obscurity involved. See where over-analysis can get you?

This morning I've had my very last communication with the woman I love. The woman I've known for twenty-two years, and who for the last three years I had thought I would be with forever. It was cold, deathly cold, utterly final, and is the culmination of the long, drawn out process of breaking my heart. I could, and very nearly did, come in here and carry my agony into this space by tearing what you've said apart, but I caught myself in the act. You see, I carry enormous, enormous hurt at the hands of women. It's just as well for me that I'm beginning to understand how I've let them hurt me. It will never happen again. I know that you have insight into your own relationship to men, and I know you're working on that.

Good luck to us both.

[Calz]

Very sorry to hear that Borden ... so much seems to be happening to so many right now ...

Me???

My deepest love from my entire life is my youngest son (now 10) and me spoiling him rotten is finally coming home to roost.


I'm just a pumkin head ... what can I say???




http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_wGr8njEWjtI/TLPg6y-S5OI/AAAAAAAANYs/HNEs5NlViv8/s1600/sage_82+yoda+pumpkin.jpg

[Borden]

Thank you Calz, I appreciate that from a friend.

As for your son, Master Smurf ... I know you'll figure out how best to approach that situation. You cannot let a ten-year-old make a pumpkin-head out of a Jedi Master! And you love him, which is obviously the best and the worst footing, I know.

[songsfortheotherkind]

I was referencing the things you'd just said you were 'clunking' with, feeling confused about, that's all. There was no obscurity involved. See where over-analysis can get you?

Not over-analysis as much as accepting that I suck royally at understanding language most of the time. I accept I do the 5000 possibilities thing and so I'm giving up pretending I think I know what people mean when I just figure which one of the 5000 they mean. Many multiple choice questions do that to me too, because I end up having to intuit the intention of the creator of the test rather than the actual answer itself.


This morning I've had my very last communication with the woman I love. The woman I've known for twenty-two years, and who for the last three years I had thought I would be with forever. It was cold, deathly cold, utterly final, and is the culmination of the long, drawn out process of breaking my heart. I could, and very nearly did, come in here and carry my agony into this space by tearing what you've said apart, but I caught myself in the act. You see, I carry enormous, enormous hurt at the hands of women. It's just as well for me that I'm beginning to understand how I've let them hurt me. It will never happen again. I know that you have insight into your own relationship to men, and I know you're working on that.

Thanks for catching your self in the act, I appreciate it. As you have pointed out to me, sometimes quite forcefully, you're not 'everyone else' or 'men' and so I have been reminded to lay down all those stories and just expand into the space with individuals, not stories, even about all these ones I've been going through the past few days. I like being me, a unique and singular Being, and not 'women', so I get the greater significance of what you've said regarding that distinction: it's partly why I've been hacking it, because I want to treat the males here in the Pub as the beautiful individuals they are rather than as 'men', which has no sui generis in it at all.

I'm sorry about the final ending. I was truly holding the space for something different, knowing how important it was to you.

[songsfortheotherkind]

Me???

My deepest love from my entire life is my youngest son (now 10) and me spoiling him rotten is finally coming home to roost.


I'm just a pumkin head ... what can I say???

Many of us here deeply appreciate your charming pumpkin head, not the least because if the collapse happens and we're all starving, we'll be able to make a nice soup.

Loving our children is never wrong and love expressed can remedy a lot of other glitches. The little Empress (thus named because she wears invisible clothes) has just invaded my bedroom and planted her little almost four year old self in my bed, and is now demanding sausage on a fork.

[PurpleLama]

Obviously long over due, Purple Lama raises his magic wand, whereby this:

6vO-XDUiRqU

Is transformed into this:

bDXflpqjZKQ

The virus doesn't have a choice, [I you[/I] have a choice. One's virus laden meanness doesn't have to become my major malfunction. That's what forgiveness is all about, telling virus and host alike, "you won't harm me, anymore." It's not about holding on to sui generis, we all have that whether we know it or not. It's about not carrying the past into the future. Step back, breathe, let it go. Feel pity for the virus riddled soul that was unfortunate enough to carry the destructive signal, and if need be, thank them, even, for carrying the warped signal that helped force our evolution. It's those who have hurt me, sometimes, who have enabled me to become this strong, but the balance of it I had to find myself. That ho'oponopono thing is so much more than just a funny word. It a funny word that means so much more than I love you, forgive me, I'm sorry, thank you.

[another bob]

Dear Songs, not to belabor the issue, but an observation/inquiry:

Might the obsessive fascination with your own process, where you have fixated an identity as a valiant virus fighter, for example, be itself merely another subtle form of the virus?

The horned Succubus persona, the buxom scifi warrior babe mask, the slidey trans-dimensional sui generis self-image, could all be seen as complex strategies to confirm your own existence.

Here's something to consider:

"In order to cut through the ambition of ego, we must understand how we set up me and my territory, how we use our projections as credentials to prove our existence. The source of the effort to confirm our solidity is an uncertainty as to whether or not we exist. Driven by this uncertainty, we seek to prove our own existence by finding a reference point outside ourselves, something with which to have a relationship, something solid to feel separate from. But the whole enterprise is questionable if we really look back and back and back. Perhaps we have perpetrated a gigantic hoax?

The hoax is the sense of the solidity of I and other. In the beginning there is open space, zero, self-contained, without relationship. But in order to confirm zeroness, we must create one to prove that zero exists. But even that is not enough; we might get stuck with just one and zero. So we begin to advance, venture out and out. We create two to confirm one's existence, and then we go out again and confirm two by three, three by four and so on. We set up a background, a foundation from which we can go on and on to infinity. This is what is called samsara, the continuous vicious cycle of confirmation of existence. One confirmation needs another confirmation needs another. . .

The attempt to confirm our solidity is very painful. Constantly we find ourselves suddenly slipping off the edge of a floor which had appeared to extend endlessly. Then we must attempt to save ourselves from death by immediately building an extension to the floor in order to make it appear endless again. We think we are safe on our seemingly solid floor, but then we slip off again and have to build another extension. We do not realize that the whole process is unnecessary, that we do not need a floor to stand on, that we have been building all these floors on the ground level.

There was never any danger of falling or need for support. In fact, our occupation of extending the floor to secure our ground is a big joke, the biggest joke of all, a cosmic joke. But we may not find it funny: it may sound like a serious double cross."

~Chogyam Trungpa


:yo:

[songsfortheotherkind]

The virus doesn't have a choice, you have a choice. One's virus laden meanness doesn't have to become my major malfunction. That's what forgiveness is all about, telling virus and host alike, "you won't harm me, anymore."

This goes in cycles for me. Spiral and spiral, this time I was in an environment where I was able to be more open about it. Things will sometimes lay dormant for a decade and then recycle through again but I think that has to do with being disconnected from my own signal.


It's not about holding on to sui generis, we all have that whether we know it or not. It's about not carrying the past into the future. Step back, breathe, let it go. Feel pity for the virus riddled soul that was unfortunate enough to carry the destructive signal, and if need be, thank them, even, for carrying the warped signal that helped force our evolution. It's those who have hurt me, sometimes, who have enabled me to become this strong, but the balance of it I had to find myself. That ho'oponopono thing is so much more than just a funny word. It a funny word that means so much more than I love you, forgive me, I'm sorry, thank you.

Thanks for this: I have a different perspective and experience on that and muchly appreciate your expressing yours. :)

[another bob]

The virus doesn't have a choice, [I you[/I] have a choice. One's virus laden meanness doesn't have to become my major malfunction. That's what forgiveness is all about, telling virus and host alike, "you won't harm me, anymore." It's not about holding on to sui generis, we all have that whether we know it or not. It's about not carrying the past into the future. Step back, breathe, let it go. Feel pity for the virus riddled soul that was unfortunate enough to carry the destructive signal, and if need be, thank them, even, for carrying the warped signal that helped force our evolution. It's those who have hurt me, sometimes, who have enabled me to become this strong, but the balance of it I had to find myself. That ho'oponopono thing is so much more than just a funny word. It a funny word that means so much more than I love you, forgive me, I'm sorry, thank you.

Yes, that's a big part of what I was trying to point towards, Thanks for saying it so well!

In any case, time to get back to the garden, lot's of work to do, so I'll be scarce in these parts for awhile . . .

3aOGnVKWbwc

[PurpleLama]

yep, bob

it's like the one about the computer who had the awful, terrible nightmare. He dreamed of a universe of ones and zeros, and everything was ok, then he thought he saw a two.

¤=[Post Update]=¤

I'm going to not write a book:

"How to Become Enlightened in -1 Easy Steps!"

[songsfortheotherkind]

Dear Songs, not to belabor the issue, but an observation/inquiry:

Might the obsessive fascination with your own process, where you have fixated an identity as a valiant virus fighter, for example, be itself merely another subtle form of the virus?

The horned Succubus persona, the buxom scifi warrior babe mask, the slidey trans-dimensional sui generis self-image, could all be seen as complex strategies to confirm your own existence.

The only one I don't accept is the buxom scifi warrior babe, I've expressed how I feel about those ones.

I get how this can be a perspective. I have had other ones: for almost two decades I was so severely dissociated that you could set me on fire and it wouldn't hurt. I didn't start off that way, I've expressed here what I used to talk about when I was really small and what that started, I'm not going over that again. I spent time discussing with someone else today the lure of certain old practices that arise every now and again, just to test me and see if I'm really over the stories that created that dissociated space.

Piecing my Self back together again was a slow and painful process for me; I know that it's not a unique thing and that it's also not a measuring contest. I know what I went through. It's one of the reasons I don't resonate to ideas of empty spaces and no-thing; I've lived being a no-thing and for me, personally, I'm not into it. I was untouchable and unbothered, like codeine without the codeine, but I couldn't *feel* anything; everything was from a distance, nothing mattered, nothing was important, it was all the same. I felt no pain and no joy, it was all just a stream passing in front of me that I couldn't touch.


"In order to cut through the ambition of ego, we must understand how we set up me and my territory, how we use our projections as credentials to prove our existence. The source of the effort to confirm our solidity is an uncertainty as to whether or not we exist. Driven by this uncertainty, we seek to prove our own existence by finding a reference point outside ourselves, something with which to have a relationship, something solid to feel separate from. But the whole enterprise is questionable if we really look back and back and back. Perhaps we have perpetrated a gigantic hoax?

The hoax is the sense of the solidity of I and other. In the beginning there is open space, zero, self-contained, without relationship. But in order to confirm zeroness, we must create one to prove that zero exists. But even that is not enough; we might get stuck with just one and zero. So we begin to advance, venture out and out. We create two to confirm one's existence, and then we go out again and confirm two by three, three by four and so on. We set up a background, a foundation from which we can go on and on to infinity. This is what is called samsara, the continuous vicious cycle of confirmation of existence. One confirmation needs another confirmation needs another. . .

The attempt to confirm our solidity is very painful. Constantly we find ourselves suddenly slipping off the edge of a floor which had appeared to extend endlessly. Then we must attempt to save ourselves from death by immediately building an extension to the floor in order to make it appear endless again. We think we are safe on our seemingly solid floor, but then we slip off again and have to build another extension. We do not realize that the whole process is unnecessary, that we do not need a floor to stand on, that we have been building all these floors on the ground level.

There was never any danger of falling or need for support. In fact, our occupation of extending the floor to secure our ground is a big joke, the biggest joke of all, a cosmic joke. But we may not find it funny: it may sound like a serious double cross."

~Chogyam Trungpa :yo:

I get that for some these ideas resonate. They simply don't with me and never have. This is the nothingness that I mentioned to you earlier as perceiving you advocate or talk about, and I mentioned how I didn't resonate with it. I deleted the rest of the post because the idea of this space mentioned here did cause me to write quite passionately and it seemed in hindsight to be inappropriate in a reply; I eventually censored my Self completely on it, it just didn't seem worth it to express. You've bought it up again though, and so I'm not going to censor my Self this time.

I find that to those who have this particular perspective, those like me who don't resonate to this 'everything is nothing, nothing is everything, it's all the same thing' can be easily questioned with questions such as you've asked me, describing certain qualities or expressions of mine as an obsessive fascination and a fixation, in themselves pretty strong and specific words, when I experience it as owning something that I refused to own for over three decades. Here in the Pub is the first time I've allowed my Self to really own and express it, to live into 'this is what I do, in part, and I'm good at it' and to allow my Self that, to simply expand into it and be seen, when I've thought it was unimportant and irrelevant in the scheme of things. I've allowed my Self my natural form here too, calling in the signal to my Self because I would never, ever allow that in the past. Being so open and passionate about it are things I would never let my Self do before.

Being that willing to reveal my process makes me available to the lenses of others. To the lens of the individual you quoted, with that perspective of how things work, then I guess I would look like I'm desperately scrabbling for some indentity to make me feel better. I'm not in that universe so I experience things differently. What I've noticed with the experiences of this is that I've frequently found those who *do* see the physical as irrelevant or a distraction from the important business of remembering that there's nothing to begin with, to remove oneself from samsara as it were, see those who are quite at home in the physical realms- and who actually prefer them- to somehow be suffering from some kind of defect or inferior focus.

I actually come from completely the opposite view. I see physical incarnation as the thing the spiritual moves towards, not vice versa; I don't see the physical realms as some kind of inferior state, corruption or stage to simply be tested with noise and dissonance so that one can aspire to get back to 'higher planes', the non-corporeal. I get that to some, that's no plane, the idea that there's nothing here or there, it's all some kind of hallucination of sorts, and any other variation of same. I'm not saying that these are all things I think you think, I'm saying this from a wider perspective of having heard stuff like that before. I simply don't share that perspective.

Because I don't see the physical as inferior, I don't see the exploration of it and embracing of it as problematic or an indicator of something that needs to be remedied. I started the Pub in part as a way to explore sui generis and tackling the virus in conversations that I couldn't have out in the main forum: the only way I know how to explore either of those things is personally, using my Self as the compass and map. I can't talk on behalf of any other Being, I have found theoretical discussions to be worse than useless for making any real changes to anything at all- just look at the endless carousel out on the main forum- and the only demonstration that I have of anything is me. I'm the evidence for what I put forward. It's what I have.

Others might have the quotes of venerable sages, holy men, what have you; personally, these approaches and philosophies have never worked for me. So I go with what I've got, because I truly resonate to the idea that unless *I* can live it, I can't be a carrier of the signal for the transformation. I am passionate about being that carrier, and I want to get rid of as much noise as I can. This means at times my process is noise. For me, talking out my process here is an act of intimacy greater than sex. In my world, letting my Self be seen is far, far more intimate than any physical thing. So it's different languages that you and I are speaking right now.

Borden and I nearly tore each other apart recently, suddenly and without really trying. We have been publicly revealing the process between us because, despite everything else, we're both passionate about evolution. I'm also doing it that way because I'm aware that I'm intentionally holding a space that's incredibly painful, given some of the elements that have gone into the situation, and having the support of my friends who care about both of us helps me navigate the space, gives me a way of living into my evolution without creating further mess. I find value in this on many levels. To me this is the best way I know to create a sense of Clan in an environment that can so easily be emotionally remote. It may look self indulgent from other perspectives.

So yeah, like I said, the horns and Succubus nature et al could be seen as 'complex strategies to confirm [my] own existence', given a particular world view. They could also be seen as a glimpse of an entirely different and real world, one that is generally hidden from plain sight, and that is re-emerging back into the reality as the veil gets thinner and particular energies move back into the signal, allowing things that once were to manifest here in this reality again. Or to reverse engineer from the future, I'm happy either way. I'm not the only one like me, you know.

Thanks for the opportunity to express my comfortability with my Self. It was really good for me to explore that. :)

[Debra]

This morning I've had my very last communication with the woman I love. The woman I've known for twenty-two years, and who for the last three years I had thought I would be with forever. It was cold, deathly cold, utterly final, and is the culmination of the long, drawn out process of breaking my heart. I could, and very nearly did, come in here and carry my agony into this space by tearing what you've said apart, but I caught myself in the act. You see, I carry enormous, enormous hurt at the hands of women. It's just as well for me that I'm beginning to understand how I've let them hurt me. It will never happen again. I know that you have insight into your own relationship to men, and I know you're working on that.


Borden, your Borden self on here has never once to me revealed that you might be having troubles at home. That was a long time you shared your life with someone - she must have been special because she was with you.

You are a good egg, and wherever this change leads you onto, I believe it will be in a direction that is deeper, more beautiful and ever so right - for you.

As Songs says, the men here at the pub are to be valued. You are most certainly one of them.

[PurpleLama]

Ok, the earlier two clips need further elucidation, sometimes we say different things to mean one thing, but then sometimes we say one thing, but mean different things.

For instance, this is not what bob's talking about:

CrG-lsrXKRM

[Borden]

Zebra, I didn't spend all that time with her. I was close to her the first few years of that twenty two years I mentioned, and then was with her for the last few years. Which is what made it all feel so much more meaningful and poignant and 'destined' and all that crap.

What you wrote to me had a real effect on me, and I'm very grateful. You are a proper lovely.

[Debra]

Me???

My deepest love from my entire life is my youngest son (now 10) and me spoiling him rotten is finally coming home to roost.


I'm just a pumkin head ... what can I say???

Many of us here deeply appreciate your charming pumpkin head, not the least because if the collapse happens and we're all starving, we'll be able to make a nice soup.

Loving our children is never wrong and love expressed can remedy a lot of other glitches. The little Empress (thus named because she wears invisible clothes) has just invaded my bedroom and planted her little almost four year old self in my bed, and is now demanding sausage on a fork.

Songs, this is what I love about you - the love you most obviously hold for your children. When you have experienced a hell ride, you have so beautifully arisen (yes, a phoenix you are - and yes, not whole yet - but perfect as you are).

I think I understand - you are bravely moving beyond telling your history, and in the space here at the pub, you are bravely processing to create the links that you require to evolve for yourself.

Stream of consciousness - not so easy to do online through the keyboard airwaves in ''real'' time - but I recognise and accept what you want to give Songs. I admire that you have the courage to let it stream and I will endeavour - when around - to uphold the sanctity of this space as a safe one, a place for healing and evolution, for you and others.

As well as a stamping ground of naughty, naughty mischief.

p.s. the word forgiveness, the ability or capability thereof. I think Bob defined it well, as I understand it. I know when it works, for me, it can feel bloody marvellous. However, I am tested again and again, which most likely means that achieving ''real'' forgiveness is still ellusive. How to forgive and fully release all judgement, that´s what I would like to explore and overcome. Who wouldn´t?

Also, as you say, how do we know when the word forgive is used, if it is being used in a transparent and unconditional way? I have not gone through the horrors that you describe, but this comes into my experience field as well. It dwells in the land of trust, and without it being given with heartfelt honesty, one is left feeling very vulnerable. These are my simple thoughts and I need them for myself to process through.

Oh my, your Little Empress sounds so sweet! *the relationship you hold with your children - there is the mark of a beautiful mother - for that, this world has much promise*

[songsfortheotherkind]

Oh my, your Little Empress sounds so sweet! *the relationship you hold with your children - there is the mark of a beautiful mother - for that, this world has much promise*

*looks down at my hands in confusion* Zebra, I personally think I'm a rather crap mother- and I really do love my children passionately. They know that about me. Thank you for giving me something to live into, I appreciate it.

I'll reply to the rest of your lovely post when my brain is less glue like. :)

[songsfortheotherkind]

I'm going to not write a book:

"How to Become Enlightened in -1 Easy Steps!"

yes, because getting one's legs to imitate the shape of a dodecahedron is only easy for *some*, oh lama one..

[Cerridwen]

As my darling Cerridwen says, 'it's all about me, me, me':

I do say that and I mean it. *giggles* I don’t mean it in a selfish, self absorbed way, I mean it as in I’m living in my own movie, in my own head. I only see things from my own perspective, based on my own past experiences. I can try to see things form others perspective, but since I’ll never really be in someone else’s head, I’ll always have my own ‘filter’ on while attempting to do so, I just wont get it right.


A couple of years ago, I read "The Fifth Agreement" by Don Miguel Ruiz. In that book he uses a wonderful analogy about not taking anything personally. He asks the reader to imagine walking into a large movie theater multiplex. You pick one, walk in and sit down all alone. http://i794.photobucket.com/albums/yy227/CerridwenSoap/Pics/images-22-1.jpg You notice right away, that the movie is all about you. You see yourself, your friends and family, all of those close to you. You sit there for a while and think, wow, that’s really interesting how they managed to get my life up there in such amazing, accurate detail.

http://i794.photobucket.com/albums/yy227/CerridwenSoap/Pics/images-24.jpg
After a while, you decide to go check out what’s playing in the other theaters. You walk into the one next door, and notice there is only one other person in the theater. After sitting down, you see that all of the same actors are in this movie as well, but the characters are behaving differently and now you’re not the star, you’re just a secondary character . It takes a moment, but you realize that this movie is from your mother’s perspective, and it’s her sitting there, quietly all alone in the dark. This is how she sees herself and all of those around her. She’s getting you all wrong, she’s getting your father and others all wrong too.

Frustrated, you get up again and go over to the next movie. This time it’s your beloved’s movie and they are sitting in the theater by themselves. And once again, this movie is very different from your movie. You see how they perceive you and how they think that they project themselves. It’s all very different from your own perspective.

Then you go into your children’s movies, your friend’s movies... it’s the same thing each time. Exact same actors, different story lines, characters behaving wrong. WTF!
http://i794.photobucket.com/albums/yy227/CerridwenSoap/Pics/images-25.jpg

Finally, you just go back to the first theater, to watch your movie again. This time you don’t really believe what you’re watching. You no longer believe your own story, because thats it, it’s just a story. All of the acting you’ve done for your entire life was really for nothing, because nobody really perceives you the way that you want them to anyway. Everyone is stuck in their own little movie, seeing the characters act the way they want them to act. Seeing things the way that they want to see them. They didn’t even notice you come sit by them in the theater, because they were so focused on their own story. Each actor has all of their attention on their on story and that is the only reality that they live in.

“People live in their own world, in their own movie, in their own story. They invest all of their faith in that story, and that story is the truth for them, but it’s a relative truth, because it’s not truth for you. Now you can see that all their opinions about you really concern the character who lives in their movie, not in yours. The one who they are judging in your name is a character they create. Whatever people think of you is really about the image they have of you, and that image isn’t you.”

This world is made up of billions of Creators, creating their own story, from the point of view of the main character. Everything is all about them. When the secondary characters don’t behave the way that they want them to behave, they get angry or butthurt. They decide to take everything personally, when in reality, it has absolutely nothing to do with them.

http://i794.photobucket.com/albums/yy227/CerridwenSoap/Pics/Unknown-7.jpg

So, that’s what I mean when I say “It’s all about me”, it really has nothing to do with me at all, as well as everything to do with me, at the same time.

Who took all of the flippin spoons around here?

*Shakes her head and laughs, while skipping over to the bar for a chai tea latte with hemp milk*

[Calz]

One thing about Libra (and I have 5 planets there) is the ability (or curse) of being able to look at things from "both" sides. Worse yet "all" sides.

Who knows ... perhaps that is why I have never been able to meditate ... instead of silencing one voice I have two??? :blah:


http://www.coolgraphic.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/funnyphotoshopped2.jpg


I tried offering 2 cents worth on another thread and ... ummm ... it didn't go over well.

I can see all sides of how "forgiveness" has been presented here.

Paradox???

Perhaps but consider:



During that time, two men abducted her at gunpoint, took her to a remote location in a van, and visciously raped her once again. This time, however, something happened. Instead of fear and revulsion, her heart melted and she instantly forgave them in the midst of the attack. She said that she felt an overwhelming love and understanding rise up in her heart, and although they had intended to kill her and dump her body, they instead drove her back and let her go free.


What seemed like yesterday is now 11 pages back in another bob's story about his twin flame.

How should we approach such an extrordinary story???

Get bogged down in words and language???

I would think (ouch I hate it when that happens) that unconditional love would entail forgiveness??? Does not that make sense to all? Is unconditional love something at the highest levels of attainment and striving for or a curse that others will feast upon?

I can identify with what Songsie suggests in her personal experience with "forgiveness" yet I have had a relatively "easy" life ... certainly compared to either Songsie or another bob's partner.

I did have "organized religion" shoved down my throat growing up and we all know how often that works well??? I don't see the need to attach religious baggage to "forgiveness". Using such as a "weapon" is understandable particularly given the childhood history that Songs depicts.

Growing up in such a challenging environment is something we should all consider when trying to mince words here that are perhaps less necessary than it would seem.

:yo:

[Debra]

Borden, a similar thing happened with my ex. After me, he eventually married a woman he had been close to, on and off, for at least 25 years. After one year, it was over.

They had met in high school. They had always been there for each other as friends - through relationships, children. Then after about five months of marriage, she started changing her mind on things - nothing was good enough - and she even started telling him that he was'nt spiritual enough for her. Yet I can tell you, the growth in this man since he and I parted 11 years ago, has been amazing, and I told him this. He had started to confide in me his problems (we have three children together) and that really blew me away.

I thought, like you, that this is great they are together, they know each other well. I said this to him at the time they came together. Yet, I remember him saying, I dunno, she is always changing her mind, he said - and this: we´ve been friends for so long, I would´nt like anything to come between that. He knew.

Nonetheless, this has been a hard one for him to handle - and understand.

Geez, I gave him a hard enough time, Borden :)

[Cerridwen]

This morning I've had my very last communication with the woman I love. The woman I've known for twenty-two years, and who for the last three years I had thought I would be with forever. It was cold, deathly cold, utterly final, and is the culmination of the long, drawn out process of breaking my heart. I could, and very nearly did, come in here and carry my agony into this space by tearing what you've said apart, but I caught myself in the act. You see, I carry enormous, enormous hurt at the hands of women. It's just as well for me that I'm beginning to understand how I've let them hurt me. It will never happen again. I know that you have insight into your own relationship to men, and I know you're working on that.

Good luck to us both.

I'm so sorry you're going through so much heartache, Borden. :hug:

[Calz]

So, that’s what I mean when I say “It’s all about me”, it really has nothing to do with me at all, as well as everything to do with me, at the same time.

Who took all of the flippin spoons around here?



Going to sidestep a *great post* ... as I oft do ... in favor of a little frolic.

zyNyHark4xk

http://funny-pictures-blog.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/matrix_funny.jpg

[Cerridwen]

The virus doesn't have a choice, [I you[/I] have a choice. One's virus laden meanness doesn't have to become my major malfunction. That's what forgiveness is all about, telling virus and host alike, "you won't harm me, anymore." It's not about holding on to sui generis, we all have that whether we know it or not. It's about not carrying the past into the future. Step back, breathe, let it go. Feel pity for the virus riddled soul that was unfortunate enough to carry the destructive signal, and if need be, thank them, even, for carrying the warped signal that helped force our evolution. It's those who have hurt me, sometimes, who have enabled me to become this strong, but the balance of it I had to find myself. That ho'oponopono thing is so much more than just a funny word. It a funny word that means so much more than I love you, forgive me, I'm sorry, thank you.

This is how I see forgiveness also. I do try and remember to practice that ho'oponopono thing as well, sometimes it just takes me a while to get back into that space.

[Calz]

This morning I've had my very last communication with the woman I love. The woman I've known for twenty-two years, and who for the last three years I had thought I would be with forever. It was cold, deathly cold, utterly final, and is the culmination of the long, drawn out process of breaking my heart. I could, and very nearly did, come in here and carry my agony into this space by tearing what you've said apart, but I caught myself in the act. You see, I carry enormous, enormous hurt at the hands of women. It's just as well for me that I'm beginning to understand how I've let them hurt me. It will never happen again. I know that you have insight into your own relationship to men, and I know you're working on that.

Good luck to us both.

I'm so sorry you're going through so much heartache, Borden. :hug:

Indeed.

Married now (only time) for 16 years now but in my first 40 years the longest time I managed to keep something together was 3 years.

Safe to say *no one* has a monopoly on stories to tell regarding relationships.

[Debra]

http://i794.photobucket.com/albums/yy227/CerridwenSoap/Pics/Unknown-7.jpg

So, that’s what I mean when I say “It’s all about me”, it really has nothing to do with me at all, as well as everything to do with me, at the same time.

Who took all of the flippin spoons around here?

*Shakes her head and laughs, while skipping over to the bar for a chai tea latte with hemp milk*



Cerridwen,

FANTASTIC. I love the way you tell this parable. And I never really understood it this way, even though I know of this, because it always stuns me how people really don´t know me, and don´t understand me.
Yet, but yet .. some people do see more - and sometime more than we see in ourselves, especially when we don´t like who we are.

I think others can also open us up to more about who we are - in general - good and faulty. It is part of our evolution to finding out. Who was it who said: learning comes through our significant relationships with others.

I still believe in that - heck - that´s why I am at the pub at the end of the universe.

*I've never had hemp milk .. I´d like to find some. I love chai tea latte ..mmmmm with honey! :baby:*

[Debra]

One thing about Libra (and I have 5 planets there) is the ability (or curse) of being able to look at things from "both" sides. Worse yet "all" sides.

Who knows ... perhaps that is why I have never been able to meditate ... instead of silencing one voice I have two??? :blah:
I tried offering 2 cents worth on another thread and ... ummm ... it didn't go over well.

I can see all sides of how "forgiveness" has been presented here.

Paradox???

Perhaps but consider:



During that time, two men abducted her at gunpoint, took her to a remote location in a van, and visciously raped her once again. This time, however, something happened. Instead of fear and revulsion, her heart melted and she instantly forgave them in the midst of the attack. She said that she felt an overwhelming love and understanding rise up in her heart, and although they had intended to kill her and dump her body, they instead drove her back and let her go free.


What seemed like yesterday is now 11 pages back in another bob's story about his twin flame.

How should we approach such an extrordinary story???

Get bogged down in words and language???

I would think (ouch I hate it when that happens) that unconditional love would entail forgiveness??? Does not that make sense to all? Is unconditional love something at the highest levels of attainment and striving for or a curse that others will feast upon?

I can identify with what Songsie suggests in her personal experience with "forgiveness" yet I have had a relatively "easy" life ... certainly compared to either Songsie or another bob's partner.

I did have "organized religion" shoved down my throat growing up and we all know how often that works well??? I don't see the need to attach religious baggage to "forgiveness". Using such as a "weapon" is understandable particularly given the childhood history that Songs depicts.

Growing up in such a challenging environment is something we should all consider when trying to mince words here that are perhaps less necessary that it would seem.

:yo:

Calz, you are hilarious ;)

I also think your the wisest smurf in smurfdom. Your ability to feel into the heart space of other beings, on this forum, is such a gift - to all of us.

Thank you for this considerate and worthy summation of today´s/tonight´s conversation. Well said, my friend

-Zebra

[Cerridwen]

http://i794.photobucket.com/albums/yy227/CerridwenSoap/Pics/Unknown-7.jpg

So, that’s what I mean when I say “It’s all about me”, it really has nothing to do with me at all, as well as everything to do with me, at the same time.

Who took all of the flippin spoons around here?

*Shakes her head and laughs, while skipping over to the bar for a chai tea latte with hemp milk*



Cerridwen,

FANTASTIC. I love the way you tell this parable. And I never really understood it this way, even though I know of this, because it always stuns me how people really don´t know me, and don´t understand me.
Yet, but yet .. some people do see more - and sometime more than we see in ourselves, especially when we don´t like who we are.

Yeah, that authors way of explaining it really worked for me too. He does a much better job of explaining it though.


I think others can also open us up to more about who we are - in general - good and faulty. It is part of our evolution to finding out. Who was it who said: learning comes through our significant relationships with others.

I still believe in that - heck - that´s why I am at the pub at the end of the universe.

I agree, the trick is to be aware of all of the different 'movies' going on. I know for myself, if I asked 5 different people who 'know' me pretty well, to describe me, I'd get 5 different descriptions. And none of them would be the me that I think I am. Some would be much better, some worse, and others would have me scratching me head.

Years ago, I had a wise older friend who never used to get upset about all the crap that was going on with a few jerks at work. I'd be amazed that he would always be calm and smiling through it all. One day, I asked him how he managed to do it. He simply told me "I consider the source."


*I've never had hemp milk .. I´d like to find some. I love chai tea latte ..mmmmm with honey! :baby:*

It's kinda hard to find around here too, but worth it. I love everything with honey.

[Curt]

Well......this isn't your typical pub tune, I'll grant you.

But then this isn't your typical pub either.

;)

Enjoy


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipzR9bhei_o&feature=player_embedded#!

[Borden]

Nice sounds, Curtis ...

This is a chill out favourite for me. It's just one of those relaxing tunes I like to kick back to when I've been flying naked through lightning storms with my eyes blazing white. You know. A bit of Sturm und Drang does a power of good.

N0PpTPvbr-4

[another bob]

I was referencing the things you'd just said you were 'clunking' with, feeling confused about, that's all. There was no obscurity involved. See where over-analysis can get you?

This morning I've had my very last communication with the woman I love. The woman I've known for twenty-two years, and who for the last three years I had thought I would be with forever. It was cold, deathly cold, utterly final, and is the culmination of the long, drawn out process of breaking my heart. I could, and very nearly did, come in here and carry my agony into this space by tearing what you've said apart, but I caught myself in the act. You see, I carry enormous, enormous hurt at the hands of women. It's just as well for me that I'm beginning to understand how I've let them hurt me. It will never happen again. I know that you have insight into your own relationship to men, and I know you're working on that.

Good luck to us both.

Brother, I've been holding you in my heart all morning, as I've been digging and re-planting, seeding and weeding out in my garden. Just one thing I feel moved to share with you now, and that is: don't let this hurtful experience close your heart -- your feeling being. After some disappointment in intimate relationship, it's typical for humans to strap on layers of emotional armor, so as to avoid the perceived dangers of vulnerability, but this reactivity carries with it an awful penalty, and one that will haunt the heart until it's once again cracked open by grace. The harder the armor, the more difficult it will be to be touched by Love's tender caress. It's a tricky line to walk, I understand -- to stay open and vulnerable, but wise enough to not be abused. The secret is always honesty in communication, and refraining from masquerades. As you come to fully accept and really like yourself, it will be that much easier to proceed in relationships, for you will not be coming from a place of neediness, but one of confidence and self-esteem. Anyway, enogh from this old fart, I just mostly wanted to reach out to you.

[Borden]

No-one's ever made me cry in this forum before now. Thank you, Bob.

[another bob]

What I've noticed with the experiences of this is that I've frequently found those who *do* see the physical as irrelevant or a distraction from the important business of remembering that there's nothing to begin with, to remove oneself from samsara as it were, see those who are quite at home in the physical realms- and who actually prefer them- to somehow be suffering from some kind of defect or inferior focus.

I actually come from completely the opposite view. I see physical incarnation as the thing the spiritual moves towards, not vice versa; I don't see the physical realms as some kind of inferior state, corruption or stage to simply be tested with noise and dissonance so that one can aspire to get back to 'higher planes', the non-corporeal. I get that to some, that's no plane, the idea that there's nothing here or there, it's all some kind of hallucination of sorts, and any other variation of same. I'm not saying that these are all things I think you think, I'm saying this from a wider perspective of having heard stuff like that before.

Great -- so perhaps we can cease creating strawmen, and get to what we're really saying. Clearly, you've been wounded, but I'm not suggesting escape into some formless fantasy of annihilationism, when I talk about forgiveness.The kind I'm speaking about requires a lot of courage and honesty, wisdom and realization, not avoidance, and certainly not reliquishing one's personal power. If anything, it requires such personal power be based on what's real -- here and now.

Anyone who peruses my writings at my blog, for instance, would recognize that I am profoundly committed to this physical incarnation, which is why I applauded Borden's metaphor about "yogis and wet weekends" in his post yesterday, for one pertinent example, and why I also have consistently objected to sentiments expressed by members in the main forum who whine about wanting to "go home" because of the disappointing/challenging experience they've been having here in 3-D, or who want to attain some sort of "enlightenment" that will relieve them from having to deal with everyday life and relationships, or who are fervently praying that the earth will be raised to the 5th dimension in late Decembe (not to mention those expecting ET to intervene and free them from financial slavery and the polluted fruits of their own creation).

At the same time, I also have directly seen (as opposed to indulging mere theory or belief) that our experience here in this realm is indeed a kind of virtual reality game, but that recognition has only granted me a kind of heads up -- mostly so that I don't take myself and the "me" storyline narrative too seriously.

To imagine ourselves as some noble virus fighter committed to personal evolution is certainly fine and admirable, if that's what one wants to do with their brief time here, but it's also a creation, a play, an arbitrary modification of consciousness with no inherent and enduring reality. Moreover, you may object to it being called "an hallucination", but if you were to really have the opportunity to get some perspective and see it for what it truly is, you would not be so quick to dismiss that characterization, I assure you!

The totality of the multiversal manifestation is infinitely wide and deep, and our only limits are self-imposed. We obviously have two distinctly subjective angles of vision, which is not a problem, unless we make it one, and that would be kinda dumb, eh. I have shared with all here at Avalon on many occasions that I feel your creative efforts are inspiring, and praised your brilliance and eloquent determination. You have a rare depth indeed, and have clearly had to surmount some challenges that would crush the average person.

On the other hand, I don't really sense that you've "heard" or "seen" me, and that's OK -- very few ever have. Regardless, I don't like to have positions attributed to me that are not actually true, which is why I've taken the time to respond here at some length to what I feel are frankly some skewed projections and conflated interpretations. I hope we can move on from here with mutual respect and tolerance, and enjoy the Pub flavors without further ambiguities based on misunderstanding.




Thanks for the opportunity to express my comfortability with my Self. It was really good for me to explore that. :)

Cool!

:yo:

[Borden]

Mummy ... Daddy ... PLEASE don't fight ... it hurts little Borden ... it makes little Borden feel that it's his fault ... please just stop it and love each other.

[Borden]

Bob, Songsy knows that I see you as wise and unique. Whenever she and I talk (which is almost constantly until the last couple of days) she knows that what you post is likely to make an impression on me. I happen to know that she appreciates you too. In best Darth Vader voice (and she wasn't kidding, I am indeed an excellent mimic) ... "there is no conflict."

I saw a bit of Bob steel, and I was surprised by it. I fully appreciated the reasons for its presence, but I was still a little taken aback, even though it wasn't aimed at me. You are an intriguing and miraculous person. That's my estimation anyway. And as you know, that is eminently potent and all-meaning. I can't even help it. It zings off me. It's a problem. I know. In fact, I'm guessing that the reason I haven't had chicks flinging themselves at me since I disclosed that I am now single is the baby photo. Right? Gotta be. No other explanation.

We are all in this together. Here, I mean. In the pub.

[songsfortheotherkind]

Mummy ... Daddy ... PLEASE don't fight ... it hurts little Borden ... it makes little Borden feel that it's his fault ... please just stop it and love each other.

We're not fighting, we're evolving our connection. :)

[another bob]

Mummy ... Daddy ... PLEASE don't fight ... it hurts little Borden ... it makes little Borden feel that it's his fault ... please just stop it and love each other.

We're not fighting, consider the Tango -- there's a huge clue there!

[Borden]

Okay then. Mummy and Daddy are just doing weird sexy dancing at each other. That makes everything so much better.

I will just sit in the corner and bend spoons with my mind. Come get me when you're done. Just don't look directly into my eyes. That's never a good call.

By the way, Bob - in the interests of the pub's openness ... I've 'seen' you. The unsettling thing is that I haven't seen you half as much as you've seen me. These bloody wise people ... they're so bloody tricky!

Yet again. Where's Chinaski? I feel a strange concern for him. I want him to come in here and tell us about his adventures.

[PurpleLama]

Mike's new computer should be in any day now.

[another bob]

By the way, Bob - in the interests of the pub's openness ... I've 'seen' you.

Well, then you know I'm actually just another silly goof, here for some Fellowship of the Pub. The thing is, I love you, Man. I love each and every one for being just who and what they are, which is inexpressible with words, but crystal clear to the soul. Sometimes it seems that I just can't contain this feeling, it blossoms open wider and wider and there is just no limit to this expansion. It's then I see that God is, because I am, and I am, because God is. This is not theology, or any kind of philosophy. For those who cannot feel this, I weep. For those who can, I also weep. Thank goodness I have my Beloved, who kisses all my tears. She is God to me, which makes me weep some more. Then we burst out laughing, and get back to the business of loving beyond ourselves, for why else come here, if not to laugh and weep, and love?

:yo:

[PurpleLama]

What you describe comes close to my feelings as well, bob, borden, songs, and the rest of the gang. even mike (in absentia).

¤=[Post Update]=¤

Weep for those who don't feel it, but along with those who do, my friend.

[another bob]

What you describe comes close to my feelings as well, bob, borden, songs, and the rest of the gang. even mike (in absentia)




http://i47.tinypic.com/33ngvft.gif



¤=[Post Update]=¤


Weep for those who don't feel it, but along with those who do, my friend.

Yep


:yo:

[another bob]

I agree, the trick it to be aware of all of the different 'movies' going on.

I don't think that's possible in this realm, but it is possible to liberate oneself from fixation on any particular movie. We can enjoy the masks, the colorful costumery of temporary self-images, but when we fixate identity in any of them, we get stuck, solidify and rigidify, and then find ourselves needing to defend those self-concepts, and that's a no-win situation for sure, because we've fallen into the trap of taking our self seriously, and then what had been play has become an ordeal of survival. Survival of what? Survival of the fictional self-image, which was never actually who we really are in the first place.

[songsfortheotherkind]

Yet again. Where's Chinaski? I feel a strange concern for him. I want him to come in here and tell us about his adventures.

Mike PMed me and said to tell the Pub that he killed beyond resurrection the crappy computer that he got with internet porn viruses. His defense was, "you can't fault a man, can you? -- i've been celibate for over 2 months and i'm going mad!"

Normal signal will resume when he's sorted out a) a new computer with far better virus detection and b) a sex doll.

:P

[songsfortheotherkind]

I started posting this in my reply to bob's post, and realised (again) that it's probably better in a post of it's own. So I'm doing that here.

First off, like I say in my reply, there is absolutely no war here. I'm quite possibly the most untriggered that I can ever recall being around these topics, which I experience as a Really Great Thing. All this processing is getting me somewhere that I'm personally finding fascinating.

I'm fully aware that the Energy has been kicking my chair lately with lessons in 'don't assume you know what you're seeing'. It's been showing me lenses that color- in unhelpful ways- certain aspects of the world as I look at it.

Cerridwen and I were talking about it yesterday, using the analogy of wearing glasses. I went to a seminar once in which the speaker demonstrated the interference that stories run by going through the time line of a child and putting on a pair of glasses for every story about her Self that she picked up from those around her. The first pair that went on were 'I'm not ok' and it built from there. Finally she was about 22, she had so many pairs of glasses on that she had to tilt her head back to keep them on her face and she triumphantly announced that now that she could see the world and everything in it clearly, she was ready for a relationship. The laughter lasted for over five minutes, because we could all see the truth and the ridiculousness of the situation.

I'm the kind of Being that almost always assumes I'm looking through a dodgy filter. I have done so ever since I clued in, at an early age, that there was something fundamentally odd- compared to the way I observed others, that is- about the way my mind worked. I've been hacking that stuff in my head since I was little, and frankly, had I not done so I'd be dead, without any shadow of a doubt. Describing my Self as a hacker is like saying I'm short. Saying I'm weird and strange is the same as owning I'm short and being ok with that, or like a black person calling another black person 'nigga'- it's fine for them to say it to each other but an outrageous insult if someone outside their group uses it.

For me, owning the words that have been used to impune negativity towards my Being is one of the ways I've moved the negativity outside of my space and it's felt awesomely good to be able to embrace my internal River Tam- and wyrd, strange, Other, wildish and darkish elements-without all the baggage of self condemnation that accompanied that before. This for me is a wondrous and awesome thing. I'm also having my chair kicked about my own filters and what I'm going through is the embracing of both evolution and comfortability with my Self as I simultaneously create and experience my Self.

The issue I have about the whole 'are you really what you say you are?' is like the thing that Calz said about his being Libran and being able to see all the sides of things- I fully understand that. In the past I lived in an internal head space for almost a decade where I couldn't move in any direction because I could argue- positively, negatively and everything in between- any position on the board. I drove my Self insane with it, locked into immobility because everything and nothing made sense depending on where I moved within the hologram: when I say I'm fluid, I really really mean this *and* my fluidity has been something that I have had to learn to manage because without any kind of parameters, it's just endless untouchable fluidity- nothing sticks, nothing can be created: how can I create if everything is as relevant and as irrelevant as everything else?

I had to stop and choose my creation and that was one of the hardest things I've ever done, choosing against the flow in my head that insisted I was always making the wrong choice because look at all these millions of other options, what if I've chosen wrong, chosen the worst, made a humungous mistake? So I've learned to choose in the face of unhelpful fluidity and now I'm learning to embrace the choices on much, much deeper levels because there are further things I want to experience in there.

So for me, there's a balance point between my natural fluidity- which brings with it some really really interesting abilities, some of which are only now becoming available to me- and Choice. I'm experiencing these elements as part of a greater Creator pattern which may only be relevant and of interest to me, *and* the pattern is there. I am fully aware that it's one of an infinite number of patterns, with infinite configurations *and* that awareness of infinity doesn't get me to where I want to go, which is doing a Neo on the apparent 'rules' of the personal universe I'm experiencing here and then doing even more interesting things after that. In order to do this, I have to choose. So I am.

One of the cool things about finding other individuals with which I can play is that I get to sit around the fire and swap tripper glasses with others, getting to check out the interesting and utterly subjective way that they're looking at the multiverse with. I was laughing with Cerridwen, describing it as a bunch of stoners on the beach (and then we laughed at how my accent immediately changed to southern californian and at how 'stoner' and 'california' now seem to be part of the dictionary definition- she's from SoCal, so it's funny to us- here in Oz I live in the equivalent area, Byron Bay/Nimbin, home of the stoners) and we're all sitting around the fire, slightly stoned and swapping our Essence glasses-

'woah dude, everyone's heads just turned into giant pineapples! how do you deal with that on a daily basis, man?'
'well, I-wait, wait- you mean everyone's heads aren't giant pineapples? far out!'
'awesome, these glasses are amazing- the sky looks like a gigantic banana split!',
'dude, you're stoned, everything is going to look like a gigantic banana split'
'hey, try these ones, I don't know whose they are but they turn you into an entire solar system'
'awesome! try these ones, they turn everything into the Emerald City'
'dude, I so don't feel like dealing with a Great Green Head right now'
'no, no, check it out- it turns out you ARE the Great Green Head!'
'that's not actually helping me right now, man'
'what if *I* turn into the Great Green Head, would that help?'
'seriously, dude, get away from me'
'oh, these ones are so pretty, I feel like I'm floating in stars'
"uh, cool, that's because you are- I call dibs on those when you've finished with them-"

and it goes on and on, with us being free to swap glasses and perspectives- and they're just part of billions of options and we know that, but we don't go there because then nothing can happen. There has to be choice somewhere within the fluidity or else nothing ever gets created.

Here's the thing: I have to be really careful with that thing about the balance point. What I have experienced is that there's a peculiar ring of hell for me within making things too solid, too consensus; it's why I'm working on creating the fluid state here in the Pub- I want to play with others who know how to hold their own sui generis and be utterly fluid about everyone else's. Is/is not. Am/Am not. Time/no Time. Singularity/All. I don't care about that stuff- it's like yeah, and? I get that I have noise in the way of certain things as a result of other certain things, I'm hacking through the noise, and getting to somewhere else that I actually want to be- this is the choice I'm making and I'm immersing my Self in it.

This isn't about one superior way, for me- it's about co-creation. You can tell me you're the Great Green Arkleseizure and I'm going to be cool with that, unless you try to harm me. I can be cool with anything until it tries harm- I don't actually need consensus reality. I experience the All as constantly working towards evolution, others will experience it a different way- what I've been going through these past few days has really leveled me up in the 'oh, so THAT is something I can do, cool' department. I just don't have the defenses running,

I do not care if someone has a different perspective to mine that seems to run constriction or anything else at me- I'm not talking about anyone here at the Pub, I'm talking anywhere- I'm sliding more than I ever have before and it's suddenly become effortless. I know what works for me and I'm cool with that. I don't do consensus realities and I'm cool with that- again, general, not Pub related.

This is where I want to go.

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lgfmr4LUSM1qcuo5ko1_500.jpg

[songsfortheotherkind]

One thing about Libra (and I have 5 planets there) is the ability (or curse) of being able to look at things from "both" sides. Worse yet "all" sides.

Who knows ... perhaps that is why I have never been able to meditate ... instead of silencing one voice I have two??? :blah:

I so relate to the 'can see all sides of an argument and everything in between' idea. I'm learning to make that really work for me, rather than it sporking me in the face.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gJym0bm3yeg/T3Cq8qd2XWI/AAAAAAAACFo/mjn_idvXbjk/s1600/zombies.jpg


I tried offering 2 cents worth on another thread and ... ummm ... it didn't go over well.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Y32nBaee2kw/TFGgRTe25wI/AAAAAAAABCQ/I2rzaNQQCN8/s1600/Red-Howler-Monkey.jpg

*strikes thoughtful pose* I cannot for the life of me imagine why this would be so.


I can see all sides of how "forgiveness" has been presented here.

Paradox???

Perhaps but consider:



During that time, two men abducted her at gunpoint, took her to a remote location in a van, and visciously raped her once again. This time, however, something happened. Instead of fear and revulsion, her heart melted and she instantly forgave them in the midst of the attack. She said that she felt an overwhelming love and understanding rise up in her heart, and although they had intended to kill her and dump her body, they instead drove her back and let her go free.


What seemed like yesterday is now 11 pages back in another bob's story about his twin flame.

How should we approach such an extrordinary story???

Get bogged down in words and language???

I would think (ouch I hate it when that happens) that unconditional love would entail forgiveness??? Does not that make sense to all? Is unconditional love something at the highest levels of attainment and striving for or a curse that others will feast upon?

I can identify with what Songsie suggests in her personal experience with "forgiveness" yet I have had a relatively "easy" life ... certainly compared to either Songsie or another bob's partner.

I did have "organized religion" shoved down my throat growing up and we all know how often that works well??? I don't see the need to attach religious baggage to "forgiveness". Using such as a "weapon" is understandable particularly given the childhood history that Songs depicts.

Growing up in such a challenging environment is something we should all consider when trying to mince words here that are perhaps less necessary than it would seem.

:yo:

I think that's what we're doing, crafting a language that works across the board, embracing all perspectives. It's a neutral language, this one that I seek, a language that embraces and holds the space for all kinds of realities. It might look clumsy now, and when it's worked out, it will be stunningly beautiful, capable of bringing things into being just by the utterance of it.

You are a lovely Being, Calz. I don't see this evolution process as problematic. It's wondrous- here we are, holding the connection of our little online family together in the face of some interesting evolutions, without all the splat that goes on elsewhere. I think that's pretty cool... :)

[songsfortheotherkind]

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lpbtc88Laj1qgnel6o1_500.jpg

[songsfortheotherkind]

OH goodie, I just found today's winner of the Superdickery award!

*cues rousing music*

Welcome to Earth! Please observe the entry policy.


http://www.evilmilk.com/pictures/Strict_Dickhead_Policy.jpg


Wish we could make *that* one stick, heh heh heh...

[Calz]

OH goodie, I just found today's winner of the Superdickery award!
*cues rousing music*



Last edited by songsfortheotherkind; Today at 02:17. Reason: that pic may have been too rude....

No ... no ... getting away so easily you will not ...

http://www.shortarmguy.com/newmotposters0508a.jpg

[modwiz]

OH goodie, I just found today's winner of the Superdickery award!
*cues rousing music*



Last edited by songsfortheotherkind; Today at 02:17. Reason: that pic may have been too rude....

No ... no ... getting away so easily you will not ...

http://www.shortarmguy.com/newmotposters0508a.jpg

Good snatch, Calz.

Yeah, I know you're a guy. Just an expression, it is.

[Calz]

Good snatch, Calz.



:lol:

Actually she pulled it before I could see it ... but it was too much to walk away from ...

imagination is a terrible thing to waste :nod:

[songsfortheotherkind]

:lol:

Actually she pulled it before I could see it ... but it was too much to walk away from ...

imagination is a terrible thing to waste :nod:

Good snatch? She pulled it before you could see it?

*trying to retain a straight face*

Calz, Calz, what are you doing? I posted a photo of a dick and it goes downhill so rapidly...

¤=[Post Update]=¤



Good snatch, Calz.

Yeah, I know you're a guy. Just an expression, it is.

*laughing* I was going to say I'd hate to see what a bad snatch is, and then remembered that this is the internet and that I really really *would* hate to see that...

¤=[Post Update]=¤




No ... no ... getting away so easily you will not ...

http://www.shortarmguy.com/newmotposters0508a.jpg

Babe, my pic really was waaaaaaaaaaaaaay ruder. It was a pick worthy of a true dickhead and Superdick winner.

Sometimes, very rarely, I pause to think 'I think the mods may not like this one...' and even more rarely, I listen to my instincts...

:P

[Calz]

Babe, my pic really was waaaaaaaaaaaaaay ruder. It was a pick worthy of a true dickhead and Superdick winner.

Sometimes, very rarely, I pause to think 'I think the mods may not like this one...' and even more rarely, I listen to my instincts...
:P


Of that I have no doubt ...

Cow about this one???

http://0.tqn.com/d/politicalhumor/1/7/9/0/3/dick-cheney-waterboarding-shotgun.jpg

Let us not forget, cowever , I am the thread's lone contributor to :cow:'s personal collection :humble:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/media/images/48549000/jpg/_48549622_cowtrophy.jpg

[Eram]

I agree, the trick it to be aware of all of the different 'movies' going on.

I don't think that's possible in this realm, but it is possible to liberate oneself from fixation on any particular movie. We can enjoy the masks, the colorful costumery of temporary self-images, but when we fixate identity in any of them, we get stuck, solidify and rigidify, and then find ourselves needing to defend those self-concepts, and that's a no-win situation for sure, because we've fallen into the trap of taking our self seriously, and then what had been play has become an ordeal of survival. Survival of what? Survival of the fictional self-image, which was never actually who we really are in the first place.

So first we have to find a way to 'enlighten' ourselves or have this spiritual awakening as you prefer to say it. Then use this, to experience all the facets of life as a human being, but without falling in the trap of taking matters too serious.

sounds like a peace of cake to me.... ahum! ;)

http://www2.pictures.gi.zimbio.com/Behind+Scenes+Circus+Oz+27A7U6iPGpTl.jpg

[songsfortheotherkind]

http://i191.photobucket.com/albums/z43/sevenarts/cinema/busterkeaton.jpg

[songsfortheotherkind]

What can be said about those that think they're so enlightened and then bleat about how women are destroying the world, that men are the dominant sex and just need to take their power back, and that it's all so black and white?

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lekpj8XM1h1qzbnkjo1_500.png

I am, despite my own knowing, sometimes boggled by the continued lack of evolution outside these most excellent rooms. I am so pleased to be able to share this space with such awesome and rewarding examples of Male, because if the paradigm shift could use anything, it's excellent Beings who hold the masculine in an inspiring and evolutionary way.

I love that the Idiocracy does not show its head around here. I can't imagine why that is so.

[Calz]

What can be said about those that think they're so enlightened and then bleat about how women are destroying the world, that men are the dominant sex and just need to take their power back, and that it's all so black and white?



Is this a trick question??? :dirol:

http://www.funny2k.com/sites/default/files/styles/large/public/Pictures/men-vs-women-fighting.jpg

[songsfortheotherkind]

Is this a trick question??? :dirol:

http://www.funny2k.com/sites/default/files/styles/large/public/Pictures/men-vs-women-fighting.jpg

this one made me laugh out loud, indeed. :D

[Borden]

I had a brief chat with my very good friend who is nearly four yesterday afternoon. I was talking to his Mum, but he wanted to say hello, so she put him on.

He had a lot to tell me, and he is extremely clever and Other, so it's always interesting to hear. He got on to the subject of how it has been raining heavily here, and when he described it I sensed that he was taking the tone of 'isn't rain a nuisance, can't go to the park, bloody rain, etc.,' (not his exact words), but wasn't altogether sure about this tone he was clearly borrowing. So I said to him, "I love rain. It's good to go out and get soaking wet and splash puddles." He warmed to this point of view, but something still wasn't quite right with this picture. After a thoughtful pause, I told him that I also love it when the sun comes out, and that I love both - they're just different.

His response was a huge, knowing, "Yeeees!" that had an unusual ring to it. I felt I'd been patted on the head by a tiny, very wise Taoist.

[Calz]

OH goodie, I just found today's winner of the Superdickery award!

*cues rousing music*

Welcome to Earth! Please observe the entry policy.


http://www.evilmilk.com/pictures/Strict_Dickhead_Policy.jpg


Wish we could make *that* one stick, heh heh heh...


Ahhhh ... replacement you have found ...

Okay boys ... outta the pool ... you've been given your swan song(sie)

http://www.justsaypictures.com/images/dickhead-02.jpg

http://www.moneymad.org/Previous/dick_head_blair.jpg

http://www.mobileapples.com/Assets/Content/Wallpapers/Dick%20Head.jpg

http://c.cslacker.com/2453l.jpg

http://www.bischoffart.com/art/pi.jpg

[PurpleLama]

I have a feeling, that if any of the above images get deleted, somehow they won't exactly be making it into the :cow: s private collection.

[Cerridwen]

Good grief, Calz. I think I preferred the boob pics. * laughing*

[Calz]

Good grief, Calz. I think I preferred the boob pics. * laughing*

Well alrighty then ... I am indeed a STO soul here to serve ... http://www.pic4ever.com/images/305.gif


http://supertouchart.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/google-girls.png

[PurpleLama]

And that's exactly why I use startpage.com

[another bob]

So first we have to find a way to 'enlighten' ourselves or have this spiritual awakening as you prefer to say it. Then use this, to experience all the facets of life as a human being, but without falling in the trap of taking matters too serious.

sounds like a peace of cake to me.... ahum! ;)


We get lots of chances.


:yo:

[Calz]

Hey there another bob of the morphing avatar ...

I have a "set up" question to verify what I believe I saw you post somewhere but cannot remember where. Will have a follow up if my memory serves correct.


Did you ... or did you not ... suggest something attributable to John Lear I believe it was ... to the extent that *all humans* are abducted 3 or 4 times over the course of their lives???

If so I have no recollection if you were concurring with said statement or merely repeating it.

[another bob]

Hey there another bob of the morphing avatar ...

I have a "set up" question to verify what I believe I saw you post somewhere but cannot remember where. Will have a follow up if my memory serves correct.


Did you ... or did you not ... suggest something attribitable to John Lear I believe it was ... to the extent that *all humans* are abducted 3 or 4 times over the course of their lives???

If so I have no recollection if you were concurring with said statement or merely repeating it.

Hiya Calz!

Yes, John Lear says it, but he got it from Lou Baldin, the most intriguing contactee I've ever come across.

I've actually been contemplating starting a thread in which I would post portions daily from a large Q & A with Lou file accumulated over the years. If I could make it "read only", so as to avoid trolling, I'd do it. For some, it would be life changing, and for many, certainly eye opening. Things are not what they appear at all, and most of the stuff posted here in the main forum on the subject of ET and related matters is clueless.

[Calz]

Hey there another bob of the morphing avatar ...

I have a "set up" question to verify what I believe I saw you post somewhere but cannot remember where. Will have a follow up if my memory serves correct.


Did you ... or did you not ... suggest something attribitable to John Lear I believe it was ... to the extent that *all humans* are abducted 3 or 4 times over the course of their lives???

If so I have no recollection if you were concurring with said statement or merely repeating it.

Hiya Calz!

Yes, John Lear says it, but he got it from Lou Baldin, the most intriguing contactee I've ever come across.

I've actually been contemplating starting a thread in which I would post portions daily from a large Q & A with Lou file accumulated over the years. If I could make it "read only", so as to avoid trolling, I'd do it. For some, it would be life changing, and for many, certainly eye opening. Things are not what they appear at all, and most of the stuff posted here in the main forum on the subject of ET and related matters is clueless.

Thanks so much (and best luck on the results tomorrow!!!).

http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?40941-Horus-Ra-as-the-Archontic-Alien-Parasite-A-follow-up-interview-with-Maarit

This thread has suddenly gotten a rather remarkable endorsement from Ryan. I didn't "find it" until last night and from what I have seen I don't remember seeing a "thank you" from you there so I have no idea if you have had time (or interest) to go through it.

I had a remarkably bad feeling while going through it and perhaps it was attributable to suddenly having questions as to some of the few core beliefs that I have clung to regarding my life of metaphysical musings. Since you have suggested your opinion that DW is "a clown" (paraphrasing from memory) I can only infer from that you don't take the channeled material "Law of One" seriously (which is one of many things addressed in the thread). Assumptions are oft hazardous to our health ... but there ya go.

Anyway ... time for beddy bye ... but hard to reconcile the material in that thread with a (again paraphrasing from memory and lack of time) everything is love and all else is illusionary games sort of mindset. That said, not implying that is your viewpoint. I am seeking wisdom and clarity from one of only a handful that can offer such.

As Borden has suggested ... I too have a deep respect for the wisdom and experience you have shared with us here (and elsewhere) and would be most appreciative if you can find the time to somehow address what seems (to my feeble mind) starkly contrasting snapshots of "reality."

Cal

PS - why not consider a "invite only forum" ... would serve the same purpose???


I've actually been contemplating starting a thread in which I would post portions daily from a large Q & A with Lou file accumulated over the years. If I could make it "read only", so as to avoid trolling, I'd do it. For some, it would be life changing, and for many, certainly eye opening. Things are not what they appear at all, and most of the stuff posted here in the main forum on the subject of ET and related matters is clueless.

[another bob]

Thanks so much (and best luck on the results tomorrow!!!).

Thank You, Brother! We're also going to be seeing Mazie's (my Mate's) doctor today, to get results from her recent ultrasound and bloodwork -- some potentially serious internal issues.



http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?40941-Horus-Ra-as-the-Archontic-Alien-Parasite-A-follow-up-interview-with-Maarit

This thread has suddenly gotten a rather remarkable endorsement from Ryan.

Must be important then, eh.... LOL!



I didn't "find it" until last night and from what I have seen I don't remember seeing a "thank you" from you there so I have no idea if you have had time (or interest) to go through it.

A quick perusal revealed more blind men feeling up an elephant.



I had a remarkably bad feeling while going through it and perhaps it was attributable to suddenly having questions as to some of the few core beliefs that I have clung to regarding my life of metaphysical musings. Since you have suggested your opinion that DW is "a clown" (paraphrasing from memory) I can only infer from that you don't take the channeled material "Law of One" seriously (which is one of many things addressed in the thread). Assumptions are oft hazardous to our health ... but there ya go.

No, I don't take DW seriously, but I've heard some people claim to have enjoyed reading RA, and if it makes them feel better, and act kinder and more responsibly, that's fine. Personally, I don't put much stock in channeled material -- there's a alot of mischeivious critters out there who like to mess with the naive and indiscriminate among our species.



Anyway ... time for beddy bye ... but hard to reconcile the material in that thread with a (again paraphrasing from memory and lack of time) everything is love and all else is illusionary games sort of mindset.

There are many levels of awareness -- infinite, in fact. On some level, there appear to be all sorts or archonic critters, and a battle going on for souls between angelics and demonics, while on another level, that's a big joke, utterly transparent, and so on and so forth. It's why Ramakrishna said that everything is true, depending on the angle of vision and level of consciousness. This earth realm is a relatively dense low level (read hellish) experience for most, and whether one calls it a prison or kindergarden school or playground or launching pad to the infinite, or fascinating tourist destination, or any number of other descriptions or lack thereof, depends again on one's angle of vision, which is evolved through various causal experiences and so forth (karma). Most here are suffering from a heavy dose of amnesia, which is not the case in most of the rest of the universe, populated as it is with trillions of other realms where folks are not so hampered by the blinders we endure. Essentially, once we learn the basics of how to behave on this rock, we can move on and enjoy a much more expanded level of awareness in other physical environments, not to mention higher frequency worlds of wondrous light and magic. When we're in the playpen as babes, that seems like the whole world -- all there is. However, as we develop, we find that there's a big world out there beyond the playpen, and that realization just keeps expanding, as long as we don't get stuck fixating identity in the cramped little vehicles of second-hand belief and limited self-images.



PS - why not consider a "invite only forum" ... would serve the same purpose???

Maybe, dunno about the mechanics of that -- will give it some thought . . .


:yo:

[PurpleLama]

Criticizing Wilcock and criticizing the Law of One material would be worlds apart in my estimation. I am one who tends not to have sycophantic, unrealistic expectations of DW, nor do I totally discount him as a fraud. I rather choose to evaluate each piece of information that comes along on it's own merit, as much as I can at least. Having read the law of one many times, and having seen many of DWs video presentations, it is observed by me that his presentation of information from the LoO material is not always contextually accurate. For those who use spiritual information to reap extensive material benefit, those have their reward. I see it as unfortunate to see someone who has potential to accomplish so much for others to choose rather to accrue the recompense in a more material fashion. Not to say we should all be the yogi in the cave, swearing off all material things. We are meant to enjoy this life, for sure, but likewise it is seen as commendable to do with a little less ourselves if that is what is necessary to be a sufficient help to others.

Sorry calz, I realize the question wasn't directed at me. Hope that's not a problem.

[PurpleLama]

Bob's response is pretty rockin', IMHO.

As is bob's domo-kun avatar, FTW!

[Calz]

PS - why not consider a "invite only forum" ... would serve the same purpose???

Maybe, dunno about the mechanics of that -- will give it some thought . . .

:yo:


http://images.dailydawdle.com/why-did-you-wake-me.jpg


... oh yeah ... cuz I saw you were on the thread I opted to wait for an answer :doh:

a few :lol: in your response and a sincere thank you.


I think moving that type of thread into an "invite only" forum would be one of the most important things on Avalon.

I hope others here will join me in encouraging you to do so :clap2:

[songsfortheotherkind]

Thanks so much (and best luck on the results tomorrow!!!).

http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?40941-Horus-Ra-as-the-Archontic-Alien-Parasite-A-follow-up-interview-with-Maarit

This thread has suddenly gotten a rather remarkable endorsement from Ryan. I didn't "find it" until last night and from what I have seen I don't remember seeing a "thank you" from you there so I have no idea if you have had time (or interest) to go through it.

I had a remarkably bad feeling while going through it

I went there via clicking on the link above and was in it for about 10 seconds and got out. Not going there at all. There is so much disgusting energy attached to that info that I'm suggesting here that creating a different thread and keeping it out of the Pub is a brilliant idea- I haven't had warning bells clang like that for awhile and I don't mess around when they do.

There are some energies within the virus that I don't go anywhere near since first tangling with them years ago: I wish to do the evolution without bringing any of that signal along. I prefer to raise the vibration and do things that way, which works *for me* given what it is that I'm working on creating and experiencing. I'm not dissing what anyone else wishes to experience, just stating a preference and focus that is mine. Just because everything is already in the pool, doesn't mean I have to swim with the turds.

[Calz]

Sorry calz, I realize the question wasn't directed at me. Hope that's not a problem.


If I ever have a problem with something you post then I simply look to myself for what I am missing.

http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5222/5552730681_22a7ec1c15_z.jpg

[another bob]

I'm suggesting here that creating a different thread and keeping it out of the Pub is a brilliant idea- I haven't had warning bells clang like that for awhile and I don't mess around when they do.

Just FYI, Calz was suggesting the invite-only forum for the thread I was contemplating (Q & A with Lou Baldin), not the archon thread we both rejected outright.

:yo:

[Calz]

I'm suggesting here that creating a different thread and keeping it out of the Pub is a brilliant idea- I haven't had warning bells clang like that for awhile and I don't mess around when they do.

Just FYI, Calz was suggesting the invite-only forum for the thread I was contemplating (Q & A with Lou Baldin), not the archon thread we both rejected outright.

:yo:

Absolutely ... and whatever framework you feel comfortable with then establish that up front and I am *very sure* would be a most positive thing.

[PurpleLama]

Sounds to me like the "Group" entitled "Pub Club" should indeed be formed, for a safe haven, troll free environment, where matters such as bob's q&a can be posted and discussed.

[Curt]

Sounds to me like the "Group" entitled "Pub Club" should indeed be formed, for a safe haven, troll free environment, where matters such as bob's q&a can be posted and discussed.

I like it....

Troll-free environments are a good thing.

It gets too tiring trying to have conversations with trolls scuffing around, grumbling, looking for gaps in the armor.

Just a little fence, maybe.

Something like this, would do...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvcLGY7hwA8

[Debra]

I am very hungry too .. please count me in Calz, I would like to read this material by Lou Baldin. It will be a treat. Thanks Bob for opening this opportunity up as well.

[Borden]

Sounds to me like the "Group" entitled "Pub Club" should indeed be formed, for a safe haven, troll free environment, where matters such as bob's q&a can be posted and discussed.

I like it....

Troll-free environments are a good thing.

It gets too tiring trying to have conversations with trolls scuffing around, grumbling, looking for gaps in the armor.

Just a little fence, maybe.

Something like this, would do...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvcLGY7hwA8

Well that's no good, Curtis ... all you've got to do is sprint through like Atreyu did!

Besides, where's the fun if I'm not allowed to get angry with people once in a while?

[Curt]

Sounds to me like the "Group" entitled "Pub Club" should indeed be formed, for a safe haven, troll free environment, where matters such as bob's q&a can be posted and discussed.

I like it....

Troll-free environments are a good thing.

It gets too tiring trying to have conversations with trolls scuffing around, grumbling, looking for gaps in the armor.

Just a little fence, maybe.

Something like this, would do...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvcLGY7hwA8

Well that's no good, Curtis ... all you've got to do is sprint through like Atreyu did!

Besides, where's the fun if I'm not allowed to get angry with people once in a while?

You make a strong point.

Besides which, Songsy is every bit as good a gatekeeper as the oracle when people get too far out of line....

And we have an assortment of Pic-Ninja Smurfs, Jedi, and wizards of various stripes to keep things in order should the need arise.

But sometimes it's good to have a reason to run...

Nothing like death dealing lasers shot from the eyes of a massive set of twin statues to get the blood flowing and keep a guy honest and on his toes....

[songsfortheotherkind]

You make a strong point.

Besides which, Songsy is every bit as good a gatekeeper as the oracle when people get too far out of line....

And we have an assortment of Pic-Ninja Smurfs, Jedi, and wizards of various stripes to keep things in order should the need arise.

But sometimes it's good to have a reason to run...

Nothing like death dealing lasers shot from the eyes of a massive set of twin statues to get the blood flowing and keep a guy honest and on his toes....

*looks over at you, eyes very silvery*

actually, your PM to be about a disturbance in the force here has really put me in Oracle mode. I'm now on the hunt through these halls, ears pricked and all my search functions on, because you are right. I thought it was me, initially, processing through the fallout between my Self and Borden and the stuff that had come up from that, but it's not just that at all. I'm open to it being evolution- I definitely know there's evolution happening, I can feel it in my Self all the time- I'm just thinking there's something else here too.

Wonder what we'll come up with if we *all* turn our attention to it...

[songsfortheotherkind]

Thank You, Brother! We're also going to be seeing Mazie's (my Mate's) doctor today, to get results from her recent ultrasound and bloodwork -- some potentially serious internal issues.

I hope that all is well for both of you.

I am having to work through some clang that I'm getting with regards the other stuff that you wrote and I wanted to be honest about the clang. I haven't replied to your original post to me yet and that will in part discuss my perspective *and* I would like to state briefly that this-


as long as we don't get stuck fixating identity in the cramped little vehicles of second-hand belief and limited self-images.

is starting to sound as fixated and limiting as anything else.

*thinks for a moment*

Actually, f*uck it, I'll talk about it now- I was thinking to go back to sleep, it's nearly 3am here and I woke up because I'm waiting for Borden to get home but it's a bit early for that. I'm going to go make tea, reheat my hot water bottle, get comfy and say what I want to say.

Ok, done.

Foundation ideas: this planet and reality is in quarantine. I knew it as a kid, plenty of others have said as much in variations. The rest of the multiverse *outside of the dimensions that play out that lower vibration* are separated from here for a reason. What is that reason? I know the answer to that as it has been presented to me and I have only gotten around to sharing it in tiny bits and pieces because I'm better at talking that history than writing it.

Here it is in as succinct a nutshell as I can put it: this planet was intentionally designed and created to operate as a multiversal gateway and platform, first of its kind. To do this needed the agreement of a Being that wished to experience consciousness as a planet of this kind and a Being capable and interested in that experience came forward. Few planets, in comparison to how many there are, are actually sentient to the degree that this one is, and no other planet has the capabilities in terms of being able to sustain so many different frequencies and signals- literally capable of supporting endless realities if one knows how to tap into that.

Just like everywhere else where innovation applies, certain crucial elements were overlooked, in this case the backdoor effect to lower dimensions. Not every one was foreseen. Sh!t happened, Beings arrived that didn't on the surface level belong here, but there was a much bigger game of evolution afoot for all the elements involved. Nothing is accidental on that level. Other Beings stepped into the picture and volunteered to help clean up the mess, not truly understanding what this was going to cost but willing to do it anyway.

A long time later... and here we are at the end of that particular chapter. No more iterations. No more messing about with stalling the progression, the evolution, because of the virus. The decision has been made, the division is creating itself naturally based on the signal that each individual is willing to carry and hold, the frequency is shifting and the automatic sifting that happens as a result of that is observably happening here in the consensus reality, which can no longer subdue the signal. All the programs the virus has created, including the avatar ones, are destabilising, because their signal does not belong in this rich, diverse, and rising frequency 'Verse. That sort of pattern is readily observable in the physical world- if an environment shifts and becomes more complex, with new elements that require a degree of flexibility and co-operative interplay the organism cannot rise to, the organism becomes extinct or finds a more suitable environment. It's move or become extinct time.

There are those who naturally carry that shift frequency. It's not fixation for me, personally, it's choice. I'm going to use the example of actors. A really, really good actor dances with dissociation and a form of insanity because they're constantly messing with their reality. Peter Sellers, for example, was never really sure who Peters Sellers was, and spent his whole life wandering through different realms, unable to really choose who Peter was. He experienced this inability as a form of hell. Montgomery Clift is another. Truly great actors shed their skin and become someone else- not pretend, because you can tell someone who is just pretending. It's like nearly all great actors eventually become charicatures of themselves, they play themselves playing someone else- Al Pacino has been like that for years now, Johnny Depp is on the tipping point of doing it- it's like there's a point in which the individual has to hold themselves to be able to drop the noise and become something else, while holding enough space to remember that this is something that they're playing with.

What I get from your recent messages is the idea that holding the space where one has become the creation is wrong, defective in some way. You may not be intending that message *and* the language that you're using suggests it, at least to me: 'the cramped little vehicles of second hand belief and limited self images' is not, in my energy at least, sui generis language, it's judgement. This is the thing that I'm turning and looking at with interested eyes, because what's been coming up for me in the conversations between you and I is my awareness that there seems to be a subtle, yet very real, form of judgement going on here.

I don't have a problem with what others choose to do. I fully own that I got jittery with the internal experience of being approached by a reality that I had only had clumsy and semi-successful experiences of keeping out of my space in the past and these past few days have resulted in an evolution that I am loving on many levels. I don't have a problem that any of it at all has happened, even the horrendous experience of Borden's and mine connection exploding in my hands- we're still here, with new and expansive things happening, and it's all good. I have been able to experience being rather messy within the inner circle of connection here and it being ok- I'm learning that there are others here with whom I want to extend a deeper experience of intimacy and that's another gift. There are so many gifts floating about here currently, *and* there's still something else, something not so pure in frequency, and I'm digging deeply into my Self to find out what that might be.

I find your insistence on the connection to the current experience as being 'lesser' in some way to be at different angles to what I have. I don't have any issue at all with that- it's why I wrote the thing about sharing the glasses- and what I'm detecting is a subtle current of idea that your glasses, for whatever reason, happen to be more right than any others. Here's my response to that, offered from the signal of my peaceful, untriggered sui generis- no bob, your glasses are just another pair of glasses.

I personally am holding this up in my hands, moving it about in my holographic kaleidescope and sorting out my signal about it, because I'm curious; what I'm seeing is that the language is the issue, and that with language there is a corresponding energy. I am always about finding the way through the noise and language is one of the ways that signal is carried- we all know this *and* I think we're all slack about it at times too. I know I get like that, so used to dealing with zombies that why do I need to be careful? But we're not playing in a room full of zombies here and for me the energy is poking me, telling me that there's a lot in here that can do with a level up.

I recognise that I was, in some places in that response I deleted to you, less than careful with the language- at the time, I said to you that I was aware I was doing this and it was because I trusted the connection between us to sort out the noise. Perhaps that was an error on my part and the energy is poking at me, telling me that when it comes to certain playing fields there's no such thing as 'you know me, so I don't have to be so careful', not because there's a glitch in the connection with my Self and the other, but because language carries the signal. Matter is made from distilled intention, so if I'm wanting to create something awesome, then my intention needs to be awesome, as does the signal. Intention, purpose, cohesion, integrity- the elements that go into the act of creation, that determine the quality and signal of what is created.

I have been puzzled since by some of the language you have used, not because you have no right to say 'hey, don't do that' or whatever- we all of us have that right in every moment to nurture our own sui generis- but because of this odd tone, a rigidity that I haven't seen before, a judgement that I personally don't resonate to. To me, there is a complex and exquisite dance going on between my Self and the energies I'm encountering; there's a whirling dance between my Self, my Creator sources, my Creators, the multiple Selves I'm connected to, both in the multiverse and here within me- I can still switch personalities, I just don't choose to- and the Beings I am drawn into relationship with, both here and in the Otherrealms. This is a passionate and immersing dance for me and I'm flying through water, through air, through different realities and perspectives; it's one that is being driven by my integrity and my connection to the energy of the All that I am both reflection and receiver of. This is the choice that I've made in all the infinite choices and I've made this given an enormous scope of information and signal.

Is there the suggestion that this choice is inferior because I immerse my Self in it, because I allow my Self to be this, fully and absolutely? I *am* a multiple personality, if I choose to let that out- I have that kind of mind and I can let go the limits I have put in place and stand there and switch rapidly between a host of other Beings that are/are not I; I have simply made the choice that this isn't terribly useful given my purpose and intent. I've experienced a complete reset before, the walk in thing in 2002, which showed me how utterly messy things can get in the physical realms with a clamouring internal rabble all inhabiting the same space. I'm saying this to demonstrate that I fully get how illusionary it all is- I just know from actual, personal experience that letting that slide too far doesn't make things easier, it becomes chaotic and useless for doing anything on the physical plane.

And the physical is the realm I actually sprang from, it's what I am and where I choose to be: part of the deal this time was that I came here on the agreement of getting my physical immortality back- stick this stupid recycling, it's ridiculous and annoying.That's how it is for me here- this isn't lower level, kindergarten, whatever, it's about dealing with a lower vibration idea in a high vibration multiverse.

Given how I feel about my 'Verse, can you get that some of the language you have been using about my 'obsession' is a tad ear flattening? (think animal). I do not resonate with all the perspectives you express around that *and* it doesn't make my way of Being in the universe lesser because I don't have an interest in the non-corporeal; I've known such Beings, some I am friends with, some I've reached mutual agreements with to just skim past with a polite wave and acceptance that we're not each other's cup of tea. We don't think that's because one of us is inferior to the other, we're just in different universes most of the time and that's perfect.

If you use language that suggests certain perspectives and choices within the spectrum are inferior, I'll keep responding with 'that seems like elitist blah to me'. it's all part of the friendly service here at the Pub. I have no issues whatsoever with exchanges of perspective, moving the hologram around, it's what I love to do, *and* I'm going to back away from concrete anything if it's not the right signal for my purpose and intent.

Have I said this right, I wonder? I have no doubt that this needs further conversation, and it's not like I'm going to suddenly stop processing here in the Pub, and I still wonder if my purpose and intent here came through...

[songsfortheotherkind]

Just FYI, Calz was suggesting the invite-only forum for the thread I was contemplating (Q & A with Lou Baldin), not the archon thread we both rejected outright. :yo:

Is there anywhere you can point me to Lou Baldin's stuff? I'd like to check out what you're talking about- I never actually read or watch much of anyone else's stuff more than to get the ghist of what they're talking about, with a few rare exceptions- I figure it might be helpful in this case. :)

[songsfortheotherkind]

I have a feeling, that if any of the above images get deleted, somehow they won't exactly be making it into the :cow: s private collection.

The subtle self possession in this comment made me nearly rupture something from laughter. Such a dignified moustaches and slightly raised eyebrows moment. *still grinning*

[another bob]

What I get from your recent messages is the idea that holding the space where one has become the creation is wrong, defective in some way. You may not be intending that message *and* the language that you're using suggests it, at least to me: 'the cramped little vehicles of second hand belief and limited self images' is not, in my energy at least, sui generis language, it's judgement. This is the thing that I'm turning and looking at with interested eyes, because what's been coming up for me in the conversations between you and I is my awareness that there seems to be a subtle, yet very real, form of judgement going on here.

I see that somehow my language is triggering a terrific amount of resistence and defense in you, based on your own interpretations, which are in turn based on your own conditioning filters. You have, imho, really made things way more complicated than need be, head-scratchingly so, but then again, if it serves you to do so, then fine -- it's an open bar here.

Just understand that, when I use the term "second-hand belief", I'm simply speaking about the tendency to borrow others' opinions and assume they are true, such as religious beliefs, without verifying the matter for themselves. Likewise, when I use the term "limited self-images", I am merely referring to the human tendency to make assumptions about their identity -- who and what they are -- without exploring any deeper than what they've been told by people who are relatively clueless themselves in the scheme of things.

Whatever you are now adding to any of this seems quite off-track, if not downright bizarre, frankly speaking.

I'm wondering if others here are having a problem getting this? If so, I'd like to hear it.

:yo:

[songsfortheotherkind]

http://lava360.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Without_the_Mask_by_Eternal_Salvation1.jpg

I am coming from a place in me where I have chosen that those around me are worth connecting with, that I can learn to lay down my experience of the matrix world and discover what this one is like. This is where I can co-create a different reality and learn how to bring it into the rest of my life.

This is what I'm choosing and I am utterly ok with the notion that I have no idea what this looks like. I trust my Self to rise, again and again; it's one of the few things that I can state absolutely. I will rise and rise and rise, no matter how hard it gets, and I'll stay in connection if the other wants to keep rising too.

I am forever falling upwards.

[Borden]

Songsy tells me I am half 'Fallen'. She also tells me I am half 'Anun'. You can ask her what these things mean if you're interested. She and I fell out over it hugely just recently. It doesn't matter, I love her. We will adjust our 'platform' as she puts it. I know she won't mind me saying this because she wanted to post about it before but my self-consciousness stopped her. Make of it what you will.

I know that I have considerable power in terms of the 'energetic'. Songsy helped me identify this. I'd always known it. Filters stopped me expressing it. Does this mean I have to take her at her word that I am Anun and Fallen? I know that my 'signal' freaks people out, attracts people, disturbs people, etc. That's just always been who I am. Do these labels and potential 'histories' make any difference to me? Well, they might make sense of a lot of things about me. Which is exactly what I'm so wary of. I'm a fool, not an idiot.

There is indeed a 'disturbance in the Force' here right now. But it's something wonderful. Bob, I am 'thinking' of you and your magical lady in my heart, and I wish you two well tomorrow. Songsy, I love you, and you know that. A good several others here ... well, I don't want to get all mushy. But you know.

It doesn't matter what we are, or what we think we are. Or what we angrily think we are not because some chick with horns has come along and said things we don't like. This is Pub Club. Bruises and missing teeth are not a problem. Failure to engage is the only real hurt.

[PurpleLama]

*pinches his nose and jumps feet first into the abyss*

[songsfortheotherkind]

I see that somehow my language is triggering a terrific amount of resistence and defense in you, based on your own interpretations, which are in turn based on your own conditioning filters. You have, imho, really made things way more complicated than need be, head-scratchingly so, but then again, if it serves you to do so, then fine -- it's an open bar here.

This is really, really bizarre and odd- I write from quite possibly the most untriggered space ever, and you get that I'm running a terrific amount of resistance, that I'm speaking through interpretations and conditioning filters and need to make things something more complicated than it is for some reason or other. I'm being careful to use neutral language, to express my own perspective in a neutral way, to express the experience of a judgement without the language of 'YOU are judging me'... and yet again, it seems, my purpose and intent has somehow gone awry.


Just understand that, when I use the term "second-hand belief", I'm simply speaking about the tendency to borrow others' opinions and assume they are true, such as religious beliefs, without verifying the matter for themselves. Likewise, when I use the term "limited self-images", I am merely referring to the human tendency to make assumptions about their identity -- who and what they are -- without exploring any deeper than what they've been told by people who are relatively clueless themselves in the scheme of things.

I get that. I do. I *also* get that sometimes, depending on where a person is coming from, borrowing a way of Being is all they can do and that's where they're at. They may have to sit with that for awhile before they can even do anything about discovering more in that space *and* that's all that they can do; when they make these beliefs their own, by embracing them and going through the process of living into them, which then affords them the opportunity to explore exactly what it is and is not that they want, is it still second hand? Are not *all* ways of Being, if we apply this criteria, in a way second hand? Aren't we all living into ideas that we are in the process of examining by living into them? Is it possible to lay down *all* the judgements we've been taught to carry and just move through the space being able to embrace or gracefully decline the Art of others while having no thought as to the nature of that Art?

This absolutely is NOT empty argument on my part. I am really, sincerely revealing how my mind works here: I'm looking for a language that can describe stuff without in some subtle way creating new platforms for viral thinking- and in my mind, I can see how this perspective can, in other hands, definitely support the virus. Can you 'see' my intent here? It's not that I'm having a go at YOU, although I realise now that an important paragraph in my big post was missing in which I reiterated that I did indeed know we have resonated with each other's thoughts and expressions, and that this was not about discounting that- I had left that paragraph in the other response I was writing to your previous post and it ended up in the limbo.

How can I write about these things I'm seeing without getting


Whatever you are now adding to any of this seems quite off-track, if not downright bizarre, frankly speaking.

this as a response? I'm seeing a possible frequency, something greater than the sum of the words, and I'm trying to hone in on that and express it and yet there appears to be something weird happening around that expression. I'm absolutely *not* triggered- and here in the Pub if I'm triggered I've said that I am and that blah blah blah. I am so still and peaceful inside with this evolution I'm experiencing, in part because I had to rapid evolve or crash and burn over the past few days with regards the fear of rejection thing, so I'm really not triggered at all. I am, however, familiar with being misunderstood because of how I see things, so I'm moving the hologram around and wondering 'how do I express this so my purpose and intent can be heard and experienced in the way I'm holding it?'. I also know that I can have weird language glitches, so I'm not discounting that.

One of the things that just occurred to me: I was sitting here rereading what you'd written, trying to work out if I was doing anything distorted with the language, and what jumped out at me was this:


I see that somehow my language is triggering a terrific amount of resistence and defense in you, based on your own interpretations, which are in turn based on your own conditioning filters.

This is your experience, not mine, yet you have presented it to me in a way that says that it is so, that this is what is happening and that my experience is coming from a world of dodgy. In me, genuinely, it is not. I strive to express constantly that my experience is *mine*, that I'm aware that the experience of the other may be vastly different and that, in sharing my own experience and them sharing theirs, the idea in me is to create a platform of mutual perspective and expression from which further connection and expansion can happen. I'm beginning to see why I triggered previously on the language because it's being presented to me as an absolute, rather than as simply your own perspective, in the language. What has changed for me since that post I deleted is that I'm not giving any energy to that; I felt that I couldn't defend my Self against such expressions, now I have zero inclination to defend because I'm the only evidence of my signal that is ever going to be possible to produce and either other individuals are going to be ok with that, or they're not- so why defend? What is there to defend, my existence? That's worlds of lol, because either I'm accepted or I'm not, and me arguing the point isn't going to convince the other.

I'm writing here about the shift in my perception and experience, not to suggest I'm experiencing that rejection of my core Self from you. This lack of acceptance for my Self forced others to show up and argue me with me- part of the conflict between Borden and I was my resistance to some of his ideas about consensus realities and his experience of me being turned into an experience of being manipulated or me being dodgy in some way. I don't have that internal argument now, I can honestly say 'no' to something and not experience the internal freakout that went with that before. I'm not defending now, I'm expressing with a view to creating a new platform, and in me there's a vast difference between these two things. This is me exploring with wide open expansion, an only sightly less open heart and wide eyes- I'm like Jack the Pumpkin King, bouncing around and asking 'what's this, what's this?'.

I'm interested, in part, in a truly sui generis language. That seems to be what I'm exploring with you at the moment.

[Borden]

All right, Purple dude ... I am holding your hand and we will probably both scream like girls as we plunge into that abyss. But at least we will have a bloody good laugh about it afterwards.

[songsfortheotherkind]

Songsy tells me I am half 'Fallen'. She also tells me I am half 'Anun'. You can ask her what these things mean if you're interested. She and I fell out over it hugely just recently. It doesn't matter, I love her. We will adjust our 'platform' as she puts it. I know she won't mind me saying this because she wanted to post about it before but my self-consciousness stopped her. Make of it what you will.

I know that I have considerable power in terms of the 'energetic'. Songsy helped me identify this. I'd always known it. Filters stopped me expressing it. Does this mean I have to take her at her word that I am Anun and Fallen? I know that my 'signal' freaks people out, attracts people, disturbs people, etc. That's just always been who I am. Do these labels and potential 'histories' make any difference to me? Well, they might make sense of a lot of things about me. Which is exactly what I'm so wary of. I'm a fool, not an idiot.

There is indeed a 'disturbance in the Force' here right now. But it's something wonderful. Bob, I am 'thinking' of you and your magical lady in my heart, and I wish you two well tomorrow. Songsy, I love you, and you know that. A good several others here ... well, I don't want to get all mushy. But you know.

It doesn't matter what we are, or what we think we are. Or what we angrily think we are not because some chick with horns has come along and said things we don't like. This is Pub Club. Bruises and missing teeth are not a problem. Failure to engage is the only real hurt.

*looks up at you, because I don't have a handy box to stand on right now and you're waaaay taller than me*

I really love you too, which has frankly been unbelievably painful these past few days and I was ok with that because I don't want you to be anything but you. I'm really enjoying that loving you is teaching me to be far less sensitive to someone I love having a force 10 spack attack at me- this latest one has actually burned to ashes my fear of rejection and I've been carrying *THAT* one around since I was 7, so that in itself is an enormous gift- and to discover that some males have the capacity to phoenix also. You have a talent for surprising me. The males here on this board are a stunning group and I'm beginning to suspect that one of the elements that ties us all together, all the individuals here in this core Pub Club, are that we all carry the phoenix capacity in an evolutionary and unique way that we can use to level the whole lot of us up.

If that's so, I think we'd all best be holding onto our hats for this part of the ride. :D *polishes horns happily, delighted with the dance*

[Borden]

Songsy,

I know you are clever. Bob knows you are clever. Bob is cleverer than me. You have nothing to prove. No-one is attacking you. You are drawing closer and closer to the virus deep within, and every step makes you jangle more cleverly. I say this with love. Holy sh1t ... I have so much virus I don't know where anyone would begin if they wanted to fix me. But you know what I say ... I didn't say I had my life all worked out, darling ... I said I had your life all worked out.

Please STOP using ten thousand words where ten would do. You're so much better than that. Do you remember the first night we spoke? You listened to me get narky about something, and you told me that I'd gone into a 'head space'. Don't do that. Bob and I are men, but we both love you. We are not those men. This is not a war.

I apologise if any of this sounded patronising. If it did, you know exactly where you can stick it.

With love ... cute little stripy jumper, dimply Borden.

[PurpleLama]

*WWWWWWWWWHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

[songsfortheotherkind]

*pinches his nose and jumps feet first into the abyss*

*laughing as the three of us fall tumbling into the unknown*

some things while we're falling-


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RolauwBlH5M

and with the three of us here, maybe we can make some cool formations

http://infiniteskydiving.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/aff-abroad-3.jpg?w=655

we only need two more for this one-

http://www.bpslangar.co.uk/sitedata/e2b1e64f-4064-4269-87c8-6e9b0e3eb9d6/image/gallery3/GW-5BadL.jpg

and if the whole thing goes viral, maybe we can get really ambitious-

http://www.voicebyduffy.com/images/world/perris107.jpg

*continues falling*

[PurpleLama]

What wonderful worlds we inhabit

[songsfortheotherkind]

except where those worlds require one's computer to spontaneously chuck a spackie and die.

Grrrrrrrr.

[songsfortheotherkind]

You have nothing to prove. No-one is attacking you. You are drawing closer and closer to the virus deep within, and every step makes you jangle more cleverly. I say this with love. Holy sh1t ... I have so much virus I don't know where anyone would begin if they wanted to fix me. But you know what I say ... I didn't say I had my life all worked out, darling ... I said I had your life all worked out.

Tell me what virus you can see, because if it's there I honestly can't see it- I've had so much burned away after the past few days that I'm doing all sorts of things utterly differently here in my physical world and it's shifting and transforming stuff all over the shop. When you exploded you kept saying I was being manipulative or difficult because I couldn't see what you were seeing and I don't know how to communicate it any more honestly than what I'm doing- I'm not experiencing virus here and so if you feel something else then show me, map it for me so I can see what you're talking about.

I *am* in heart space, even to the point where my immune markers are rising and my physiology is shifting- even the osteo noticed it- and we could do things with my body that I just haven't been able to release before. I'm sure there will be new levels of awareness regarding subtle stuff of the virus once this integrates *and* I am not in trigger space. You see something in what I'm writing as a head space thing- is that because I'm really trying to work out the language dissonance? I'm not in defense mode.


Please STOP using ten thousand words where ten would do. You're so much better than that.

I try to paint with words because the energy channels are shut. When everyone gets their telepathy on I promise I'll never write in anything but haiku. Until then, it's word pictures.

You and I have played with energy from 10,000 k's away and I've learned it works with others too, in different flavours and expressions: you and I have talked about how sporked I am here in the internet and in any medium that doesn't let me 'see' the other, due to the energetic blindness I experience, which is akin to me trying to communicate while mute, blind and partially deaf. I simply can't read the signal properly and bob's response to me before indicated that he didn't get me as I was sending me, so I move the kaleidescope and try another way. The words take the place of the massive energy communication channels that are absent. I can go blind with you too when you choose to shut down the connection, remember? And how clunky does that makes me in response? Which you have experienced as deception, in part.

While I was off battling the computer deciding to shut down, I was thinking about what you were saying regarding my 10,000 words thing. Here's what I got.

This is an individual who inspires me, Frida Kahlo.

http://www.fridapaintings.com/5%20frida_kahlo_painting.jpg

http://alnessacademyartanddesign.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/frida-kahlo-portrait.jpg

She had a hellish life and used everything, no matter how brutal or gritty it was, to inspire her art.

Excruciating back operations

http://www.egodesign.ca/_files/articles/blocks/11449_frida_kahlo_in_a_hospital_bed_drawing_her_corset_with_help_of_a_mirror_1951_collection_galeria _lopez_quirog_juan_guzman_.jpg

the repeated miscarriages and medically necessary abortions

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_r6PpIGdaHUE/TDOnxsYdhYI/AAAAAAAAAPc/UFkgtgnSqeg/s1600/im151346frida.jpg

this is her husband, Diego Rivera, as painted by her

http://www.artnet.com/Images/magazine/reviews/davis/davis8-28-08-12.jpg

this is Diego's painting style, which is absolutely nothing like that of his wife

http://biography.free-people.net/img/pint_riverad4.jpg

Diego met Frida when she was very young and a passionate art student. He was already famous. One of the reasons their relationship endured the enormous tumult and chaos that they generated together was that each of them profoundly respected one another as an artist. Diego never, ever told Frida how to paint, never suggested that she change anything; she asked him for technique in her student days and he gave it to her, but he refrained from trying to influence her at all because he, as an artist, recognised she had something in her that simply needed to be expressed. She stayed with him despite affairs, miscarriages, more affairs, tumult and everything else because they profoundly understood each other as artists.

This Pub came into being partly because of the things I wrote out in the forum that got others interested. I simply write what I write because that's what I do- I've expressed surprise and a sort of hand waving 'oh, excellent, good stuff, glad I can be of some use' responses when individuals have expressed their appreciation for what I write. I've thought about that in the context of what you're saying and I've realised that there's been a creeping sense of my having to cater to an audience rather than my writing from my truth, lately- it's not extreme, and it's there, and it's bollocks.

I word paint. I do other art. I write how I write. I don't tell you how to write. I wouldn't dare lean over your shoulder when you were drawing and say 'honey, don't you think it would look better if- ' because I like my head being where it is and you would have every right in swinging your lightsaber at me with your free hand and without even looking up from the page. I don't write to impress others, I write from the storm of my process, from my heart space, from my expression and my desire to make connection with anyone who gets the essence and signal of what I'm sending out. I know it's one of the reasons why we're here with each other, because of the way that I write. I don't want to write haiku. I don't want to try and pare my signal down to a single stream, because that's not what I'm communicating.

I love you madly, you know that by now, and I'm pointing to the ground and saying smilingly 'Borden, my darling, you're standing on my canvas and thanks, I value your opinion and in this instance I like my colors'. I haven't seen your art yet but I can surmise that, as a comic book illustrator, you're into minimalism, clean lines and whathaveyou. I've told you my own drawing are as intricate and complex as my writing. I say complex, others say chaotic, even more others say 'that's not art! it's a dogs breakfast'.

If we were pianos, you would be dressed in the suave suit, with the elegant manner and wonderful cultured English accent (which luckily you already have, hurrah!)- the Daniel Craig /James Bond piano

http://www.theblogoflists.com/images/steinway-concert-grand1.jpg

and I would be more the tattooed and pierced cybergoth weirdo sitting down to play this

http://www.mad-cat.co.cc/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/gary-pons-translucent-piano-is-a-true-work-of-art.jpg

except with tiny little neon blue fairy lights to make the entire thing glow blue, instead of the white round ones. Our Art is different, that's all. I am painting and writing and creating my life as I'm inspired to- I am prepared to listen, you of all individuals know that because I've embraced evolution in mid-conversation before- and if it doesn't ring true to me, then I'll go with that. There is a difference between being a bloody minded moo and true to my sui generis, although sometimes to others they look like the same thing.


Do you remember the first night we spoke? You listened to me get narky about something, and you told me that I'd gone into a 'head space'. Don't do that. Bob and I are men, but we both love you. We are not those men. This is not a war.

I know you both love me. *big grin* And I don't have any sense of war. Just a sense of me. I'm aware that my stuff isn't head space, it's something else, and I'm seriously scanning constantly for what the next permutation of virus crap might be. I also know that I got lost in the confusion of the strength of the connection between us to the point where I lost the freedom to express my Self in such 'are you lost in headspace right now?' ways, which has only been a 7 week cycle instead of a 7 year one, hurrah! Now I feel able to approach our connection from that free and joyous space again. New, stronger platforms, more robustly and embracingly designed to deal with splat- I've made the splat sections out of a combination of bouncy castle and firm jelly, which I think will work much more spiffily than the piranha pit we had previously, and as always I'm open to suggestions.


I apologise if any of this sounded patronising. If it did, you know exactly where you can stick it.

Not patronising at all, because you know I'd simply roll that in one of your endless cigarettes and give it back to you to smoke. heh. I am more than delighted to be going through this, because it's helping me get clear on so many things, all at once. I haven't felt this Frida since I was about 12.


With love ...

http://morelikeokstupid.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/skydive_wedding.jpg



cute little stripy jumper, dimply Borden.

Hon, that makes some of the rest of what we do kind of a tad creepy...


The Phoenix Moon
Being Outrageously Fabulous since 1964

[Cerridwen]

*pinches his nose and jumps feet first into the abyss*


we only need two more for this one-

http://www.bpslangar.co.uk/sitedata/e2b1e64f-4064-4269-87c8-6e9b0e3eb9d6/image/gallery3/GW-5BadL.jpg

and if the whole thing goes viral, maybe we can get really ambitious-

http://www.voicebyduffy.com/images/world/perris107.jpg

*continues falling*

As long as we're all holding hands, count me in too, cause I'm really scared of heights. :)

[Debra]

4 am here .. I have to hold my own hand and take myself to bed. Just push me out when ready for the jump - I´m good for a free fall :)

[Cerridwen]

Thank You, Brother! We're also going to be seeing Mazie's (my Mate's) doctor today, to get results from her recent ultrasound and bloodwork -- some potentially serious internal issues.
:yo:

I truly hope all is well with both of you. :grouphug:

[Calz]

http://www.acclaimimages.com/_gallery/_images_n300/0093-0604-1413-2650_cartoon_beer_mug_character_falling_into_a_swimming_pool.jpg

Looks like there is plenty of places to dig into Lou Baldin including a Veritas interview :thumb:

[or at least mentioned in one of the interviews ... I cannot get there from work so will update tomorrow from home]


Veritas Radio with Mel Fabregas - Exopolitics, Paranormal ...

Lou Baldin, known in many internet forums as "Sleeper" has been one of the most ... JJim Sparks discussed his eighteen years as an alien abductee. Sparks ...

www.veritasradio.com/guests.html - Cached

[songsfortheotherkind]

Sounds to me like the "Group" entitled "Pub Club" should indeed be formed, for a safe haven, troll free environment, where matters such as bob's q&a can be posted and discussed.

I've been thinking about that- does the Club (you know who you are) want to move the deeper discussions to a more hidden space, or do we want to keep our process out in the open, regardless of what it is? Except, perhaps, Calz and his penchant for pictures of wangs, we can give him a special closet space for that.

I'm open to whatever the majority are up for- my personal preference is to leave everything out here and just trust that the collective power of dimensionally slidey shifters, Jedi smurfs, Sith, wizards, multidimensional surfing mystics, phoenixes and the resident horned source of annoyance should be able to deal easily with any twattery that comes along. That and a judiciously placed trapdoor, with snapping alligators at the bottom of the fall.

What is everyone up for? It's really in bob's hands, it's his information, so I'm happy to go along with whatever he prefers.

*catches one horn on the side of the door on the way out and does a complete arse up, exiting stage right*

f*uck I hate it when that happens!

[songsfortheotherkind]

As long as we're all holding hands, count me in too, cause I'm really scared of heights. :)

So am I, which sounds ridiculous for a creature with wings... *grinning at you*

Maybe we can fall together :D

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1tXfxMWz5wE/T3I6kC51fPI/AAAAAAAAAGY/es0fgdZ8xSQ/s1600/Climb-Kili-Skydive.jpg

[Calz]

Sounds to me like the "Group" entitled "Pub Club" should indeed be formed, for a safe haven, troll free environment, where matters such as bob's q&a can be posted and discussed.

I've been thinking about that- does the Club (you know who you are) want to move the deeper discussions to a more hidden space, or do we want to keep our process out in the open, regardless of what it is? Except, perhaps, Calz and his penchant for pictures of wangs, we can give him a special closet space for that.

I'm open to whatever the majority are up for- my personal preference is to leave everything out here and just trust that the collective power of dimensionally slidey shifters, Jedi smurfs, Sith, wizards, multidimensional surfing mystics, phoenixes and the resident horned source of annoyance should be able to deal easily with any twattery that comes along. That and a judiciously placed trapdoor, with snapping alligators at the bottom of the fall.

What is everyone up for? It's really in bob's hands, it's his information, so I'm happy to go along with whatever he prefers.

*catches one horn on the side of the door on the way out and does a complete arse up, exiting stage right*

f*uck I hate it when that happens!

Cannot speak for another bob (hell I get into enough trouble speaking for myself :shocked: ) but I believe his initial hope was to have a format with his own "space" to present the information in a "read only" type setting.

That said ... you (we Pub Patrons) could set up another "group" with an invited only membership if that is what is wanted. I personally think this thread should remain open because you never know who might drop by with something fun and interesting. Having a private area for the core Patrons could be an optional addition (rather than moving everything here).

IMHO

[songsfortheotherkind]

Cannot speak for another bob (hell I get into enough trouble speaking for myself :shocked: ) but I believe his initial hope was to have a format with his own "space" to present the information in a "read only" type setting.

That seems like an excellent way to avoid unwanted blibble. *nods* I kind of am setting up the Anun history material that way, for same reasons.


That said ... you (we Pub Patrons) could set up another "group" with an invited only membership if that is what is wanted. I personally think this thread should remain open because you never know who might drop by with something fun and interesting. Having a private area for the core Patrons could be an optional addition (rather than moving everything here).

Hell, I find it fun to figure out how to have sex in public without others being aware of what's going on or getting arrested, so I'm not fussed about moving anything into the private, at least until our dastardly world domination plans begin to coalesce. Mwahahahahah.


IMHO

Calz, you happily post graphically portrayed pictures of cocks that even *I* was hesitant to post.

You'll boldly go

http://songsfortheotherkind.com/ks.jpg

where few men dare to tread

http://songsfortheotherkind.com/the_big_kiss.jpg

I don't think there's much about your opinion that is humble. *laughing*

Oftentimes carefully stated, true, but still Yoda style kick butt. :)

[Cerridwen]

As long as we're all holding hands, count me in too, cause I'm really scared of heights. :)

So am I, which sounds ridiculous for a creature with wings... *grinning at you*

Maybe we can fall together :D

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1tXfxMWz5wE/T3I6kC51fPI/AAAAAAAAAGY/es0fgdZ8xSQ/s1600/Climb-Kili-Skydive.jpg

Perfect, just be warned, I can scream pretty loud. *laughing nervously*

[songsfortheotherkind]

Perfect, just be warned, I can scream pretty loud. *laughing nervously*

*smiling serenely*

Duct tape, my dearest, is my friend, in many many ways....

[Cerridwen]

Perfect, just be warned, I can scream pretty loud. *laughing nervously*

*smiling serenely*

Duct tape, my dearest, is my friend, in many many ways....

:p :rofl: :tape: :lalala:

[Calz]

Cannot speak for another bob (hell I get into enough trouble speaking for myself :shocked: ) but I believe his initial hope was to have a format with his own "space" to present the information in a "read only" type setting.

That seems like an excellent way to avoid unwanted blibble. *nods* I kind of am setting up the Anun history material that way, for same reasons.


That said ... you (we Pub Patrons) could set up another "group" with an invited only membership if that is what is wanted. I personally think this thread should remain open because you never know who might drop by with something fun and interesting. Having a private area for the core Patrons could be an optional addition (rather than moving everything here).

Hell, I find it fun to figure out how to have sex in public without others being aware of what's going on or getting arrested, so I'm not fussed about moving anything into the private, at least until our dastardly world domination plans begin to coalesce. Mwahahahahah.


IMHO

Calz, you happily post graphically portrayed pictures of cocks that even *I* was hesitant to post.

You'll boldly go

http://www.thyla.com/ks.jpg

where few men dare to tread

http://www.thyla.com/the_big_kiss.jpg

I don't think there's much about your opinion that is humble. *laughing*

Oftentimes carefully stated, true, but still Yoda style kick butt. :)


You must have me confused with somebody else ... :twitch:

http://oldies.s3.amazonaws.com/i/boxart/simu/71/823753710091.jpg

[songsfortheotherkind]

You must have me confused with somebody else ... :twitch:


I think I'd remember anyone that I'd previously stuffed down my cleavage.

*pauses to consider that*

I'd like to amend that previous statement to hold as a factor the amount of sambucca I may have been licking on any particular occasion.

[songsfortheotherkind]

:p :rofl: :tape: :lalala:

*grins wickedly at you over my glass- which today contains Pan Galactic, because there's nothing to assist the evolution than the feeling of having one's brain smashed out by a gold brick wearing a slice of lemon*

[ThePythonicCow]

PS - why not consider a "invite only forum" ... would serve the same purpose???

Maybe, dunno about the mechanics of that -- will give it some thought . . .

:yo:
One easy way to do that is to

Click on the "Community" pull down menu, in a menu bar near the top of this page.
Click on "Groups"
On the next page that comes up, the "Groups" page, click on "Create Group".


Apparently it is pretty easy, as various Groups come and go, and I have never received a question as to how it works.

One issue with Groups is that users have no way to be notified when a new post appears on a "discussion" (what threads are called, in groups).

[Calz]

Cool. Yes Lou has his own interview. You can listen to the 1st part here (need to be a member of Veritas to listen to part 2).

Appears to have authored several books as well.


16073

S y n o p s i s

Lou Baldin, known in many internet forums as "Sleeper" has been one of the most enigmatic personalities surrounding the UFO topic in latter years. After years of answering questions and giving us two great publications (In League with a UFO and A Day with an Extraterrestrial) Lou Baldin has granted his first radio interview. Lou discussed his life from "birth" in Italy, all the way to now. This interview will create mental paradigm shifts to all listeners. It is not the traditional UFO researcher sharing his/her investigations, but from someone who shares his personal experience.


B i o

Lou Baldin was born in Verona Italy in 1952. His parents moved the family to New York City in 1957. In 1960, the Baldin family moved to Kansas City, Missouri where he still lives. At seventeen, Lou joined the US Army. Three years later he was honorably discharged. His civilian occupation was in the construction and real estate fields. Sometime in 1995, a stranger contacted Lou and suggested that he write a book using the information he was provided. Eventually, Lou published the book "In League with a UFO", which came out in June 1997, a month before the 50th anniversary of the Roswell Crash. Lou was not aware of the anniversary, until his publisher provided that information to him. Throughout his whole life he was aware of extraterrestrials in some level, but he was not much interested in the UFO phenomena or the stories and personalities that made up that cadre. He was surprised to learn that 100,000 people were going to be in Roswell, New Mexico, for the anniversary. His publisher was disappointed that he was not going to leverage such a selling opportunity. He has published three other books: "Shrouded Chronicles of the Christ”, "A Day with an Extraterrestrial" and an upgraded second addition of, “In League with a UFO.” He is currently working on other books.


http://www.veritasradio.com/guests/2009/08aug/VS-090828-lbaldin.php

[Calz]

... and forum/blog :ufo:

http://www.ufolou.com/

http://www.thelivingmoon.com/47sleeper/04images/Sleeper/Book_01.jpg


*** adding ***

I see Bob is on Lou's forum ... fancy that :shocked:

[Debra]

THANKS CALZ .. tuning in now !
Zebra HAHAHAHAH

Cool. Yes Lou has his own interview. You can listen to the 1st part here (need to be a member of Veritas to listen to part 2).

http://www.veritasradio.com/guests/2009/08aug/VS-090828-lbaldin.php

[Debra]

I]

hell, i find it fun to figure out how to have sex in public without others being aware of what's going on or getting arrested, so i'm not fussed about moving anything into the private, at least until our dastardly world domination plans begin to coalesce. Mwahahahahah.
[/i]

:)
16080
16081
16082
16083
16084

[Calz]

Hey there Zebra :wave:

Golly ... you sure do spell funny when you get away from the Pub :noidea:


Chemtrails sprutas över Sverige. Varför reagerar ingen ? Fågeldöden och fiskdöden börjar bli omfattande. Bina börjar dö. Folket blir allt sjukare. Sveriges del i HAARP. Regering och mörka krafter i landet vill smyga in Sverige i NATO.

[Borden]

This is really hard. God, I'm a mess. Come and save me, someone. There are no exit doors and I need someone to come and invent one for me.

p.s. Stop defiling Kirk and Spock for me. You know who you are.

[songsfortheotherkind]

I feel like I'm in a room full of voyeurs! have none of you anything to say about thine own evolution?

I can tell you this for free, Borden and I are not going to be monumentally fighting on a regular basis just to provide you lot with some real time evolution!

No, we'll probably be fighting because he has temporarily failed to see how brilliant and fabulous I am. But it's not a spectator sport! Now there's the reality TV show that hasn't happened yet- although it probably has in Japan.

[Debra]

Hey there Zebra :wave:

Golly ... you sure do spell funny when you get away from the Pub :noidea:


Chemtrails sprutas över Sverige. Varför reagerar ingen ? Fågeldöden och fiskdöden börjar bli omfattande. Bina börjar dö. Folket blir allt sjukare. Sveriges del i HAARP. Regering och mörka krafter i landet vill smyga in Sverige i NATO.


Calz, I doing it for the swedes -- I am just living there - and they haveso little information on what we talk about in here in their own mother tongue - which, by the way, I SUCK AT :)
Don´t you love the word for spraying S P R U T E R I think it is perfect for chemtrails - because that is what happens, those planes don´t spray, they spew out chemicals in long spurts. Yes, I think there are some yummy words in Swedish, well maybe not the word for day (in Sweden, they use the word: dag) and a dag I thought is what hangs from a sheep´s bum. But I am being naughty now.

[Mad Hatter]

Hmm... abyss sailing.... you can rely on gravity to let you down every time :p


I feel like I'm in a room full of voyeurs! have none of you anything to say about thine own evolution?

My nose drips and my feet smell....conclusion I was built upside down !!

[Intraphase]

I keep my mainstay body point for navigating above a well worn saloon a few thousand thoughts passed the border. Its a cheap room, free actually seeing as I can tolerate the owner and clean the customers up or out of whatever they need upping or outing of. Pool, cards, one bullet pistols, any game that has a element of chance and risk. Strong spirits are always passing by looking for advice. I tell them skip the big city bright lights until you can at least row or sail because you just never know if the great cloud shall ever let you go and give up the ghost to let you come home up river.

A granpa sasquatch runs the food and beverage part of the place and there is a small port room in the basement for well heeled paying customers hunting information outbound or repeaters who can trade their way into a designated spot in the awareness. That is why the rent is free Tota the squatch has an malodorous scent for the nostril encumbered outbounders hoping to stake out a spot in the distant future. That body there has a non functional nose designed to accommodate the lodging.

From the border, to the saloon, to beyond the hunting range of the great spirits is a few trillion thoughts or so, beyond there is only compact points of light inbound that pass in small bursts between extended silence. Eventually all consciousness is silent still and tranquil. I move slowly allowing my final waves of thought to depart and with a standard command to silence invoking eternal verses infinite as a final value assignment before becoming all black all ways no one.

There I sleep sometimes for hundreds or thousands of iterations of the breaths of creation with universe rising and falling in a giant bellowing. On the rare occasion that the cloud reaches me I join creation again starting at the saloon if no islands or boatyards have sprung up near my long term bow. A good solid breathe is usually followed by highly skilled shipwrights that trade compressed silence for ocean going 3-7 story information vehicles to move far inward before turning and riding the thermal currents outward.

Passing oneself many times in the narrative moving in both directions simultaneously leads to certain peculiar advantages and abilities to survive within the expanding cloud. Silence is always my stock and trade providing pure dark focused silence. A precious commodity in the great awareness with its ever shifting winds of color and form. In the turn arounds I complete in the saloon area outside the event horizon proper where competition for slices of the out coming arrows of cause effect indexing is fierce I wager silence as coinage to great effect for supplies requisitioning and general reconnaissance on structure and flows worth pursuing as active interests.

The basics are often what becomes lost as value assignment is stacked on top of value assignments until narratives stultify and bind the observers inner information observing information. Silence is a reliable restart in areas where the intersections and junctions have been gunked up to the point of poisoning the free flowing waters of life. In a coin the size of a silver dollar I can carry enough silence to end and begin many complete breaths of the great cloud. Each coin divides by fours and tens until the customer achieves the amount of silence required. This current narrative of universe is a steady customer and stable iteration of the great breathe. The one becomes the three yet the one remains inside the three. By any other name a triad is still a triad and the lowest fundamental note is event horizon prime and the highest stable overtone event horizon secondary.

The construct of now is the evolving tertiary horizon called here which moves by a slow thermal clock outward that customers can sync up with by choosing a faster clock and launching from the prime horizon until the now they seek is available to their construct and value assignments. One of the reason I run a body beside a squatch is to drive away the paralysis of analysis types getting sucked into the cloud. If they want to borrow I make loans, if they want to buy, I sell, if they want to game their way in I game at all random chance styles.

I've heard every complaint and song of praise ever sung at least once, my calling is silence in exchange for quality content that can be draped over the guide lines of expansion. I am in the insurance business to ensure high quality which means eating my losses and the losses of others no matter how chaotic and silencing the fundamental notes involved in the malformed transaction. That is why I get along with the squatch we understand its just business and the fight between the eternal and infinite never ends completely, occasionally there is a vast gulf between breathing cycles but the great cloud of awareness with its infinite sub divisions of color always reforms.

To the bold and audacious who crave momentum I grant one strong spirit to kill or be killed by, to the fatigued and forlorn chaotic travelers I grant one pure moment of complete silence. Thus I keep the three great engines of computation engaged in the personalization and depersonalization of narrative form. The origin silence and tone the glass eyed throne of one eternity sitting at the middle of the storm hiding deep within the pastels and primary blends far far outward from that first mighty push.

As I approached the saloon on this breath I realized it was now a pub. If this is close to the end or the end itself than Tota must be out with the fishing girls exterminating UFO's that breached the horizon and returning them back into information coin equations. This pub is a few linear weeks in the continuum so that means I probably have two massive heavy haul dump trucks worth of canceled equations to sweep up. Pub, Saloon, tomato, potato its still looks like the same set-up and that's good for a nights rest and a double stop before pizzicato stepping the rhythm to the clean up zone. Lot of dead UFO's lately, a whole lot of information that simply decayed into a massive poof & gone.

Silence does that sometimes. Narrative smarrative, watch out for Tota when he is doing his no body steals the future, grandpa sasquatch said its so, that's the way it is bit.


Ride the edge of The Circle
Effect proceeds cause sometimes.
May chaos and silence be your friends.
Avoid narrative addiction and silent stupor.
If time runs backwards chase it to know all its secrets.
The Silence is all right, all ways, sum one and trustworthy.
It stole the Earth's five crowns of light, she is a serious lady friend of Silence.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qSkPcaGvzY

Myself back in my grassy knoll days taking down a gangster who stole the USA

[Cerridwen]

I feel like I'm in a room full of voyeurs! have none of you anything to say about thine own evolution?

I can tell you this for free, Borden and I are not going to be monumentally fighting on a regular basis just to provide you lot with some real time evolution!

No, we'll probably be fighting because he has temporarily failed to see how brilliant and fabulous I am. But it's not a spectator sport! Now there's the reality TV show that hasn't happenecd yet- although it probably has in Japan.

I'm in the O.R., sitting quietly in the corner until I'm needed, thinking about what the hell I'm supposed to do about my dad.

Very long story short, he was an a**hole who abandoned me as a child, but always spoiled my brother. I haven't seen or talked to him in 10 years. Now, he's dying. They took him to surgery yesterday for what they thought was his appendix and found a bunch of cancer instead. He's already on oxygen 24/7 and has major heart problems.

He lives up in No California, I'm in Southern Cal. So, what am I supposed to do? Do I take a trip up there while he's still around, wait and just go to the funeral when it happens, or just say fu*k it, and do nothing?

I'm trying to evolve, but its bring back a flood of very hurtful memories as a kid.

[Curt]

I feel like I'm in a room full of voyeurs! have none of you anything to say about thine own evolution?

I can tell you this for free, Borden and I are not going to be monumentally fighting on a regular basis just to provide you lot with some real time evolution!

No, we'll probably be fighting because he has temporarily failed to see how brilliant and fabulous I am. But it's not a spectator sport! Now there's the reality TV show that hasn't happenecd yet- although it probably has in Japan.

I'm in the O.R., sitting quietly in the corner until I'm needed, thinking about what the hell I'm supposed to do about my dad.

Very long story short, he was an a**hole who abandoned me as a child, but always spoiled my brother. I haven't seen or talked to him in 10 years. Now, he's dying. They took him to surgery yesterday for what they thought was his appendix and found a bunch of cancer instead. He's already on oxygen 24/7 and has major heart problems.

He lives up in No California, I'm in Southern Cal. So, what am I supposed to do? Do I take a trip up there while he's still around, wait and just go to the funeral when it happens, or just say fu*k it, and do nothing?

I'm trying to evolve, but its bring back a flood of very hurtful memories as a kid.

Hi Cerridwen,

I'm sorry to hear about your dad. All I can say is do what you, the adult you, feels to be right.... Whatever that may be.

[another bob]

Do I take a trip up there while he's still around, wait and just go to the funeral when it happens, or just say fu*k it, and do nothing?

Just thinking this through with you, Sister -- to blow it off may leave you with feelings of regret and unresolved issues. On the other hand, if you could be with him, there is always the possibility now of a breakthrough, which might free both of you from having to repeat dysfunctional scenarios again later. This is why the wise recommend resolving all relationship issues while we still have the opportunity.

I'll be sitting in the hospital tomorrow while Mazie undergoes emergency surgery, and I'll keep a thought for you in my heart.

:yo:

[tenacity1]

Cerridwen it's his karma and not your fault of course. If you show him compassion, which he didn't show you, you're a better person for it and it may well give you closure. Who knows you may have the time to ask questions you need to ask. That said, my heart goes out to you. Empathy hugs..

[Cerridwen]

Do I take a trip up there while he's still around, wait and just go to the funeral when it happens, or just say fu*k it, and do nothing?

Just thinking this through with you, Sister -- to blow it off may leave you with feelings of regret and unresolved issues. On the other hand, if you could be with him, there is always the possibility now of a breakthrough, which might free both of you from having to repeat dysfunctional scenarios again later. This is why the wise recommend resolving all relationship issues while we still have the opportunity.

I'll be sitting in the hospital tomorrow while Mazie undergoes emergency surgery, and I'll keep a thought for you in my heart.

:yo:

Thank you, Bob. Both you and your dear Mazie will be in my heart as well.

As for going up and seeing him again, that's kinda what I was thinking. There are a lot of 'buts' that keep popping up in my head. I'm trying to figure out if they are legitimate or just excuses.

[Cerridwen]

This is really hard. God, I'm a mess. Come and save me, someone. There are no exit doors and I need someone to come and invent one for me.

p.s. Stop defiling Kirk and Spock for me. You know who you are.

Borden, I can't save you, but if you have plenty of tissues, I'll come sit in the dark with you.

[Debra]

Cerridwen,

Sweet heart that you are. Go with that heart of yours, it is a marvellous one. I look at that beautiful little tot face and think - now who would turn that away - that is still you, Cerridwen.
So, if you do decide to go, know that it would be a gift to your father - as Tenacity1 says - you will be a better person for it. You have some indecision here .. tells me that you still care enough to consider being with him at this time. Showing you still care, because he is your father, in spite of your history together, is an enormously big thing to do.

I am putting in my love line to you. Hope this post is finding you with a knowing of what to do - and that you are already on your path.

Take care and my best of wishes,
Zebra

[Debra]

I'll be sitting in the hospital tomorrow while Mazie undergoes emergency surgery, and I'll keep a thought for you in my heart.


Bob, I need to send you and Mazie both my thoughts and love lights too. With you, my friend - in spirit - in ether. I´m out there and on here.

Zebra xox

[Debra]

This is really hard. God, I'm a mess. Come and save me, someone. There are no exit doors and I need someone to come and invent one for me.

p.s. Stop defiling Kirk and Spock for me. You know who you are.

Borden, hold on because the best times are yet to come. You are so special, man. We are here to love you and entertain you. And one day, you will laugh again at Kirk and Spock caught up in random moments of high strangeness.

We are behind YOU, Borden xox

[Debra]

I feel like I'm in a room full of voyeurs! have none of you anything to say about thine own evolution?

I can tell you this for free, Borden and I are not going to be monumentally fighting on a regular basis just to provide you lot with some real time evolution!

No, we'll probably be fighting because he has temporarily failed to see how brilliant and fabulous I am. But it's not a spectator sport! Now there's the reality TV show that hasn't happened yet- although it probably has in Japan.

Darlin, you have given your weight in gold on this thread .. and more some. Voyeur - naaah! You and Borden have not wheeled out the juicy stuff yet :)

No, I just dine on you one at a time .. I like reading you, both, and taking it in. What you have to say, obviously about your own history - that is always a great canvas to view from. It´s what you are making sense of, the meaning that you are extracting from your knowledge and experience - that is what I spend time on. Sometimes, trying to understand and spending the time - in silence here - allowing it to sit within me.

I couldn´t be b""ggered to weigh in with my evolution right now. I´ve written some down here but it is the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. Quick stream of consciousness, personal inventory (because right now is all that is important)

I am aware of my body at the moment, not happy in it. It is playing host to something inside of me right now, and I don´t know what name to give it. It is a sound - like crickets - but there are no crickets in these parts - wildlife also is very quiet - and my legs feel like they are expanding, there is a buzzzing, fizzzy thing going - and I feel like I am going to blurt into something else. I am also receiving cold, cold chills - these come in waves - I also note thoughts at the time - and feel that my body is talking to me. Punctuating around me, between my acts, my thoughts, my feelings. I think, no I feel like I must pay attention. Ask the question, then live with the first answer that comes along.

Trust. That is the word that just popped in.

[Borden]

Intraphase, that was all pretty bloody interesting ... what did any of it mean?

Cerridwen, you are so lovely, thank you.

Curtis, you are lovely too. Not in that way though. Slap on shoulder. Good talk.

Bob, my love to you and Mazie.

(p.s. Zebra is amazingly lovely too ... but I genuinely do go through trauma when nice things are said about me. That's got to be an English thing.)

[Calz]

I'll be sitting in the hospital tomorrow while Mazie undergoes emergency surgery, and I'll keep a thought for you in my heart.

:yo:

Thanks for the update.

Of course, you and Mazie will be our thoughts as well. :pray:

Cal

[Calz]

This is really hard. God, I'm a mess. Come and save me, someone. There are no exit doors and I need someone to come and invent one for me.



Sure I'll save you my son.

Lay your hands upon your computer.

You *DO* have a major credit card do you not???


http://www.wittenburgdoor.com/files/images2/hinn_cover350.jpg

[songsfortheotherkind]

Because we all have stuff going on and I want to remember that love and beauty the way I experience these are ultimately the way that I want to walk in every moment.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSMPKVREECE

[songsfortheotherkind]

I'm in the O.R., sitting quietly in the corner until I'm needed, thinking about what the hell I'm supposed to do about my dad.

Very long story short, he was an a**hole who abandoned me as a child, but always spoiled my brother. I haven't seen or talked to him in 10 years. Now, he's dying. They took him to surgery yesterday for what they thought was his appendix and found a bunch of cancer instead. He's already on oxygen 24/7 and has major heart problems.

He lives up in No California, I'm in Southern Cal. So, what am I supposed to do? Do I take a trip up there while he's still around, wait and just go to the funeral when it happens, or just say fu*k it, and do nothing?

I'm trying to evolve, but its bring back a flood of very hurtful memories as a kid.

*holds you gently, talking in your ear while I cradle you back against me*

This is because you asked me to tell this story here.

Have I ever told you the story of my mother's death? She died in 2007, in April, of breast and lung cancer, five months before Lyddie. When she was originally diagnosed she was in Perth, the other side of Australia from me, and she spent maybe 10 months getting treatment there. My sisters were constantly talking to me about her, updating me about her illness and I kept asking them not to, telling them that I didn't care- and I didn't. It wasn't bothering me one iota that she was being consumed by what I thought of as her own poison and self loathing coming home to roost.

I wasn't actually mad at her for the stuff when I was a kid, I'd done so much work on that it felt cleared; I had decided in '95 to have nothing to do with her after she tried to use the authorities to get custody of my two sons- she was going through relationship troubles and had decided that my boys were just the ticket for fixing it- so I hadn't spoken to her for years by the time she got sick. I didn't speak to her the whole time she was getting treatment in Perth either- I was quite ok with the thought of her dying without saying another word to her.

In the beginning of 2007 my mother came back to the eastern states to be near my sisters as the treatment wasn't working. I'd been doing heaps of processing due to a series of seminars and EFT work I'd been embracing and an awareness in me came to the surface about how much stuff I was still carrying about my mother. I made the decision to do a three day intensive- the one where the glasses analogy came from- and in the first day had a bucketload of revealing about how much my stuff with my mother was crippling me on really deep levels. One of the things we had to do in the early session on the first day was pick the individual that we had the most issues with in our lives- no prizes for guessing mine. So I spent three days getting really really angry with the leader of the seminar who chose to really focus on me and a few others.

I really got how much wasted energy and life force was going into holding onto this story of how my mother should have been different somehow- she wasn't, and that was how it was and what did I want to do with that? I gradually understood that letting go of my story of her was something I needed to do for me more than anyone else; I needed to release my *Self* from the story, so that I didn't have to be the kid in that story anymore, I could create a new platform for me to move through the world in that didn't start with 'once upon a time there was a little girl whose mother didn't love her'. I wanted to be the girl from Ever After, rescuing her Self and being able to truly decide for my Self who and what I am, what I wanted.

So on the lunchbreak of the third day I rang my mother in hospital. I told her what I was doing and why, and that I was releasing the both of us from the debt that I'd been holding against her. I talked with her until the phone ran out of credit and said everything that mattered to me to say. My partner paid for my tickets to Victoria that week and I traveled the 1200 ks to see her in hospital. She was still optimistic at that stage that she was going to make it. I spent a lot of time with her that week, with my sisters, in the hospital; we laughed a lot and we spent time holding her hands while she was scared when she couldn't breathe. She never told me she was sorry. I went back home after that week thinking she was going to get better and spent a lot of time on the phone with her where she'd tell me that she was confident things were improving. Less than six weeks later I was back beside her bed; she'd slipped into the coma the night before and I never got to say anything more to her. My youngest sister and I stayed awake for two days, not wanting her to go unseen:she waited until we'd fallen asleep exhausted beside her bed and she left within 10 minutes. It is the strangest thing, sitting beside someone and seeing their chest not move- I kept waiting for her to start breathing again, it was so weird.

I washed her later that morning- there was a ridiculous moment when I was standing there waiting for the water to heat because I didn't want the washcloth to be cold- and we put her favorite outfit on her, did her hair and her nails, and put a bright scarf around her head. She'd left instructions that she didn't want a funeral but I was the eldest daughter, I'd been the one to hold things together when I was a kid and I felt like it was my path to help send her home, so I went to the parlour on that morning and walked beside her coffin, singing soft Maori farewell chants until I wasn't allowed to go any further. I put a letter on top of her coffin in which on one side I had made a list of all her qualities that I wanted to take with me, and on the other side everything that I wanted her to take with her, and I stood in the doorway, singing and farewell dancing those hand wavy, footstompy Maori dances while I watched her coffin disappear, the last thing being the letter flying up in the heat like a leap of joy. In that moment I felt both the weight and the obligation of being her daughter lift from my shoulders and heart and I waited until the furnace doors had closed and I walked away.

In the end, they are just Beings who lost their way and we have it in our hands to release the debts or to make them take them wherever they're going. I didn't do it because of some idea about being a 'better person', I did it because I want to live in a 'Verse where I have that kind of peace, where it is possible for all Beings to have that peace. No debts. No stories. I have no idea if my mother got what she needed out of it, I just know that I did and that was enough for me.

It's not always the way, the way that I took with her- when my molesting stepfather died a few years ago I did a ceremony where I took all the nightmares from me and sent them out into the Field to return wherever they belonged, because they belonged to him and not me. Then I called my Shine back home, the bits that he had taken. I didn't send hate, I didn't send peace either- I just sent the memories of his actions and that was all he was going to get from me.

You know that whatever path you take you will have my absolute and unquestioning support. You don't have to forgive anything, do anything or be anything that doesn't ring true for you, ever, no matter how that looks to anyone else. You're a beautiful spirit and a bright heart and I love you. Take the time to find what works for you and do that.

*hugs you* That's what I think, and we both know that I'm a slightly crazy, part Maori nonhuman weirdo with a strange world view.

[songsfortheotherkind]

p.s. Stop defiling Kirk and Spock for me. You know who you are.

I hope you had an awesome fanboi time seeing the Avengers. :D

Can't wait for you to get home and rave at me about it.

[Calz]

p.s. Stop defiling Kirk and Spock for me. You know who you are.



Okay *puts hand on light sabre in a manner threatening to the woman peering over her glass in the darkened corner* ... see if we can restore order and balance in the Universe we shall ...

http://www.polkarobot.de/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/Victorian-Star-Trek-Photography-Kirk.jpg

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-c0Wllw8FFFs/TVb-586UHCI/AAAAAAAAAE4/eiMrUqfMt-0/s1600/Spock.jpg

[Calz]

Yep ... most definitely has the ring of another bob to it ... it does :nod:

:yo:



In reply to this post by Lou
Greetings, Lou!

Happy to see you are still pleasantly on-planet and in a mood to mingle!

You wrote: "The subject I would like to write about concerns details on life on the other side. Why Milton has a tutu hang up is another possibility. I'm torn between the two!"

Lou, I'd like to take this opportunity to sincerely urge you to go with the first idea, which I feel would be more useful for the majority of your potential readership (plus I would have less problem recommending your works if you would tone down the tutu revelations -- I just don't think folks are ready for the raw emotional power that ballet costume can convey from the perspective of a blue-speckled spaceman).

[tenacity1]

the clouds are hanging in the valley between my ridge and the next one. It's almost 60 degrees at 5"43 am . The weather yesterday was brutal for May and worries me a wee bit due to my spring garden being used to cooler temps at 2,500 feet elevation. Any other gardeners here at the edge of the universe? *S*

[Calz]

the clouds are hanging in the valley between my ridge and the next one. It's almost 60 degrees at 5"43 am . The weather yesterday was brutal for May and worries me a wee bit due to my spring garden being used to cooler temps at 2,500 feet elevation. Any other gardeners here at the edge of the universe? *S*

I planted a tree once ...

http://boomlot.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/A_Flying_Tree_by_vladstudio.jpg

... but where are my manners ...

First round is on Songsie ... what's your poison?

http://www.eulipia.com/Eulipia-Bar.jpg

[songsfortheotherkind]

Quite a few years ago here in Oz there was a period of time when the issue of refugee and so called illegal asylum seekers was a hot topic, fueled by the disgusting practices of the Howard Government.

During that time, there was some prominent airplay given to a Navy commander whose personal and professional philosophies supported the actions of the government of the day. The thing that was of great interest to me were the articles detailing his relationship of many years: what was revealed was that while the commander was a supporter of the government's policies, his wife was not and was actually a prominent activist for refugee rights. They were on completely opposite sides of the fence.

I can remember an interview that the wife gave in which she discussed the reality of living with someone whose personal philosophy in this area differed so greatly from hers. The profound and elegant responses she gave to the questions gave me food for thought for months afterwards; it was part of my process of mapping the deep practice of sui generis and I have returned to this example again and again.

She said that their relationship was based on a foundation that didn't require agreement in such matters; what was more important was their commitment to their own integrity and supporting the integrity of the other, in whatever way that manifested. She did not sugarcoat the challenge that this particular difference of perspective had created in their relationship and said that it had taken a very careful navigation of the issues and subject before they had crafted something that had worked for them both, without either feeling that they were being asked to fundamentally compromise themselves.

She was clear that compromising of Self was never an option for them and that they respected each other so deeply that they had determined to approach the issue intelligently and with deep awareness of the importance of their relationship. They never saw the issue as being one of a question to their commitment to each other but rather a challenge to their ability to craft some solid platforms for negotiating the issue.

This is what I want in my own life, this commitment to crafting platforms that work and that don't require consensus in order to function. These rely on principles and perspectives that are greater than the sum of the issues and challenges- as Einstein said, solutions cannot be found with the same mentality that created the problems and I'm really into evolution that is both profound and practical, that creates platforms that can span a multitude of differences that, to the dominant paradigm, are insurmountable.

To my mind, there is very little that is insurmountable, given the commitment and passion for the transformation. I do not accept that individuals who are truly committed to the concepts of sui generis and do no harm cannot craft something amazing and astounding, something so out of left field as to be truly evolutionary. This will take consciousness and focus, integrity and intention, all of which I have and am willing to bring to any co-creation of heart, mind, spirit and creativity. A new language is necessary, new understandings, and patience with the process: I have a willingness to create and learn, to embrace and explore, to stumble and rise and rise again, because to me this is the only really worthwhile endeavour. There is so much noise and crap everywhere else that I am unable to even begin to negotiate with it; this is where I want to focus my energies and to strive for something greater, a new way of embracing the All in the singularity.

It's what I'm up for, with all of my Being. I want to have the conversations about being together when there are huge differences in perspective, and learning what it takes to be utterly undisturbed by those differences, on any level. This is what I am living into, as clunkily as it is.

[songsfortheotherkind]

and now for something utterly fabulous.

This is a review page for a hair removal product for men. It has some of the most brilliantly funny reviews and comments ever on any Amazon product recommendation page.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B000KKNQBK

Here is a sample:

I like the clean shaven look down in my gentleman's log cabin, so for the past few years I've used a shaver. However the hair keeps growing back which means every 6 months I have to spend 20 minutes trimming again. As I'm sure you've realise this is valuable time I cannot waste. So I decided to get to the root of the problem and purchased this product.

Probably the first thing you will notice after using this product is the pain. Although as a man I lack the required experience, I'm going to estimate that using this product is at least eleven times more painful than childbirth.
Imagine sticking a rusty razor blade into your favourite eye, before tying your hands behind your back. Then imagine that you use the entrenched razor blade to slice open a raw onion. All the while being butt naked. This product is slightly more painful than that.

However if we ignore the blinding, crippling and debilitating pain I should point out that this product is remarkably effective. Before, all manner of organisms great and small lived down there, now nothing can grow; not even on a cellular level. Sadly this includes my genitalia; I've spent the last four hours staring fixedly at Carol Vorderman's arse, all to no avail. My tinkywinkleton hasn't even so much as perked up, so if my review seems a bit harsh, it's only because I wanted children.

All in all an effective and reasonably priced product - 3 Stars.

[Calz]

This is a review page for a hair removal product for men. It has some of the most brilliantly funny reviews and comments ever on any Amazon product recommendation page.



I am a bit old school myself ...

http://image.shutterstock.com/display_pic_with_logo/66/66,1214829782,1/stock-photo-wax-the-back-14355745.jpg

[songsfortheotherkind]

Okay *puts hand on light sabre in a manner threatening to the woman peering over her glass in the darkened corner* ... see if we can restore order and balance in the Universe we shall ...

http://www.writedesignonline.com/history-culture/poabeef.jpg

*falls about laughing* You look so smurfy cute when you wave your glow stick around like that- I think you've even gotten Kirk interested. :D

http://languageisavirus.com/startrek/layouts/startrek/james-t-kirk.jpg

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l9sbttxdkU1qass6vo1_500.jpg

http://lh3.ggpht.com/-J0OqddEKzWU/Sb7BoEtUBwI/AAAAAAAAMvA/jXHxQiWN-VY/1200069524372.jpg

[Calz]

http://lh3.ggpht.com/-J0OqddEKzWU/Sb7BoEtUBwI/AAAAAAAAMvA/jXHxQiWN-VY/1200069524372.jpg


http://farm1.staticflickr.com/38/95742831_15c290b8c2.jpg

[songsfortheotherkind]

I am a bit old school myself ...

http://image.shutterstock.com/display_pic_with_logo/66/66,1214829782,1/stock-photo-wax-the-back-14355745.jpg

Of course for some, that process takes a lot longer...

http://grandoldmovies.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/wolfman.jpeg

[songsfortheotherkind]

Dropping my partner off at the airport at 9am tomorrow- he's heading to Portland, Oregon, for a nine day live in company start up venture that has headhunted him due to his work on the net. 11 day trip including the travel time. I'm going to have the girls by my Self for 11 days.

http://static7.depositphotos.com/1005580/677/i/450/dep_6777861-Screaming-woman.jpg

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6COudkLuJ38/TaxkdGeS7GI/AAAAAAAAA04/H4CLwgUzLZg/s1600/Screaming+woman.jpg

I have some ideas: I am conning the older kids over here for various periods of time. I'm also keeping an eye out for ridiculously cheap flights to Melbourne, so I can go visit my sisters and have them play Appreciative Aunties for a few days.

I am not built for solo parenting these days. 0-o

It will be an interesting 11 days, where 'interesting' translates to 'I wonder who'll be left standing at the end?'

*grinning* My girls are actually fabulous and awesome, just extroverted and exhausting...

[Borden]

Songsy, what you shared about your mother was beautiful, thank you. You and I do tend to hit explosive places with each other, but you're one of the few people I've ever known who sees past my apparent rage and fieriness and understands where it comes from. I love you for a lot of things, but I love you for that. You and I may encounter horrendous 'jangle', but we know each other. That will never change. I need you to understand that however angry and unstoppable I become sometimes, that is never deleted or lost. It's always there and it always will be.

Bob, I am 'holding the space' for you to come back in here and tell us that Mazie is okay, and so are you. If there's anything different to tell us, then please know that your friends here love you and are thinking of you. I want you both to be well and happy, and if anything is more complicated than that then your friends are standing to one side out of respect for what you're going through, but we are very much here. Magical, wise beings like yourself don't come along every day, and although we don't know her, we do know her through your words. We are rooting for you both.

[Curt]

If it pleases the Pub...here's a little tune from The Beta Band.

For those who are unfamiliar, it's a bit of a slow builder, but well worth sticking with 'til the end...

A bit of an aural tincture meant to ease the symptoms of catharsis....



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxSBoJzh-ts

[Borden]

God damn, that was a good jukebox call, Curtis!

[Curt]

Is it just me or does the general forum sometimes seem like the meeting in Pee Wee's basement.....


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Tx8jnndMes&feature=related

[Katyani]

Borden, hold on because the best times are yet to come. You are so special, man. We are here to love you and entertain you. And one day, you will laugh again at Kirk and Spock caught up in random moments of high strangeness.

We are behind YOU, Borden xox

Beautiful Zebra, that is such a lovely message. This leapt out, like a searchlight, a magnet..

the best is yet to come

No matter how sarcastically I may have laughed at such an idea during difficulties, it has always proven true.
Made me remember this song:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a28s_wyqkyc&ob=av2e

[onawah]

It sure does, Curtis.
I'm on partial lurker/sabbatical status from the forum for just this reason.
I think the brain can only stay in speculation mode for so long before the synapses finally begin to unravel, and accepting on faith gets pretty wearing too.
I figure by the end of this year, we will know something more definite.
'Til then, I feel kind of like a nurse standing by a patient's bedside with my finger on the patient's pulse.
There's still life signs, but they're faint.
Maybe there will be a spontaneous remission, though.
It happens...
It happened to me, and so I do still believe in miracles.
(BTW, thanks for the Pee Wee vid. I used to watch his show on early morning Saturday TV just for the cool special effects.)

[Debra]

If it pleases the Pub...here's a little tune from The Beta Band.

For those who are unfamiliar, it's a bit of a slow builder, but well worth sticking with 'til the end...

A bit of an aural tincture meant to ease the symptoms of catharsis....



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxSBoJzh-ts


NICE CURTIS! They kind of remind me of ..
3NGhA2X6qX0

[Curt]

Zebra: That's a cool tune and I liked it. Thank you for that.

Onawah: I understand completely. I've taken to reserving judgement on virtually all of it.

My current stance is to remain 'aware', but not overly invested in outcomes. That's my stance today, at least.

It's always subject to change.

Generally, though, I'm less and less interested in getting locked into set viewpoints/theories/'alternative' dogmas.

I'll listen to anything, no matter how 'crazy', so long as whomever is speaking doesn't expect me to reflexively 'believe' it.

It seems to be working for me, at least today. :cool:

[PurpleLama]

This belongs in the Pub:

w5et0AFlgxY

This is the story with the fantastic lies
Or some facts to help us minimalize
As for this shelter I can plainly deny
But you can't kill time without injuring us
And we'll count up all the goods now

This is the girl with such fantastic eyes
Such brute creation to but lay up beside
Should cut our nails and wash our feet
and enjoy the tedium that's yet been untried by me
And we'll count up all the goods now

There are more than you ever thought you'd own

Lift up your fingers and let's untie the string
Let's knot them all to see what this monster brings
'Cause its real soothing with its tail in its knees
'Cause you can cry once without harrowing thus
And we'll count up all the goods now

Don't you know that they've come to be your host?
Didn't mean to skank your art
Should've never hung around us
Didn't want your money, oh oh oh, oh baby now
Didn't mean to skank your art
Should've never hung around us (dear)
Didn't want the money, oh oh oh, oh baby now

When it lasted all day
we would blast it all day
We would bring it on and on

It's all in your head

[Debra]

Thoroughly JOYOUS Purple Lama. ;) Gratitude *still giggling*

[songsfortheotherkind]

If it pleases the Pub...here's a little tune from The Beta Band.

For those who are unfamiliar, it's a bit of a slow builder, but well worth sticking with 'til the end...

A bit of an aural tincture meant to ease the symptoms of catharsis....



This music reminds me so much of the you I encounter in the energetic realms. Thank you for posting this, it was perfect given what I woke up with this morning, which I'm going to write about later.

*grinning hugs*

[songsfortheotherkind]

Is it just me or does the general forum sometimes seem like the meeting in Pee Wee's basement.....


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Tx8jnndMes&feature=related

These days, to go out into the main forum I don my hazmat suit and sense of the ridiculous and peep in the windows. Your vid choice was excellent and I'd like to follow it up with these.


In honour of the majority of the topics and yea verily, the paradigm in general:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgZpzS-aVpU

And in case there's anyone out there who thinks that some matters need to be approached more seriously:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mLMOFOwazM&feature=related

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Qi_l_pmRm0g/SW8ywuTLU7I/AAAAAAAAAmM/eHtCqN9R10M/s400/The+Men+of+the+Watch+thumb+their+noses+at+Dogberry .png

[Calz]

These days, to go out into the main forum I don my hazmat suit and sense of the ridiculous and peep in the windows. Your vid choice was excellent and I'd like to follow it up with these.


In honour of the majority of the topics and yea verily, the paradigm in general:



http://www.semageek.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/mashup-affiche-cinema-star-wars-08.jpg

[songsfortheotherkind]

It's always subject to change.

Generally, though, I'm less and less interested in getting locked into set viewpoints/theories/'alternative' dogmas.

I'll listen to anything, no matter how 'crazy', so long as whomever is speaking doesn't expect me to reflexively 'believe' it.

It seems to be working for me, at least today. :cool:

You know, I think that's why I've avoided writing out the Anun history- I've tried, and choked on it, and tried again; what I keep circling around is that, right now, all that stuff is just a stepping stone to the next level of the evolution. I'd rather talk sui generis exploration and actual, useful stuff than the history and memories I was born with. I will end up doing it, but not because I want others to believe me- I really, really mean it when I say I don't need or desire consensus realities except in the most slidiest sense and I'm not looking for agreement- to me, all the perspectives are just sliding doors to different ones and if what I am and how I experience things is useful for shifting another into the more fluid universes then booyah! Otherwise, it's just useful for getting *me* to where I want to go. It's all information, carrying a particular signal, and what we do with it is the bit that is interesting.

And I want things to get really weird and awesome, oh yes I do: I want the 'Verse to become as slidy and fluid and surprising and as mindblowingly beautiful as I can take, and then some more to leave space for more evolution.

Bring it on! That's where *I* am at- it feels like I've been waiting at this station for eons and I'm really really ready for the next bit now...

http://www.isabelleoc.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/yayoi-kusama-infinity-mirrored-room-green-multi.jpg

[onawah]

I'm not sure why I decided to listen to this interview, but I did, and I just have a few things to say about Lou Baldwin's perspective about cows, and I hope no one minds.
In Lou Baldwin's reality, cows may simply be machines that are here to be eaten by us, but in my reality, that is a very sad underestimation of the animal world.
And even if it were true, it still wouldn't mean that eating the number of cows we are eating is a wise thing to do.
One only has to read John Robbins' book, Diet for a New America to see why or watch this video:
http://www.ted.com/talks/mark_bittman_on_what_s_wrong_with_what_we_eat.html?source=facebook#.T569Kk1ZO9T.facebook

to know that this massive consumption of cows is one of the things that is seriously messing up the planet.
That's not even addressing the effect that the incredibly inhumane treatment of those cows has on us as a species and on our relationship to the earth and the other lifeforms we share this planet with.
And while I certainly don't hate Lou Baldwin, which is the emotion he predicted he would inspire when he was talking about his views on this subject, I have to say I do feel really sorry for someone who can't see that animal lives are precious and they are far more than just machines. They have feelings and they experience pain and suffering just as we do, and anyone who can't see that, in my opinion, is not highly evolved, but is stunted.
Rant over.
http://Wednesday, May 26, 2010 Reject Meat. Cows have feelings too. Respect Them.




Cool. Yes Lou has his own interview. You can listen to the 1st part here (need to be a member of Veritas to listen to part 2).

Appears to have authored several books as well.


16073

S y n o p s i s

Lou Baldin, known in many internet forums as "Sleeper" has been one of the most enigmatic personalities surrounding the UFO topic in latter years. After years of answering questions and giving us two great publications (In League with a UFO and A Day with an Extraterrestrial) Lou Baldin has granted his first radio interview. Lou discussed his life from "birth" in Italy, all the way to now. This interview will create mental paradigm shifts to all listeners. It is not the traditional UFO researcher sharing his/her investigations, but from someone who shares his personal experience.


B i o

Lou Baldin was born in Verona Italy in 1952. His parents moved the family to New York City in 1957. In 1960, the Baldin family moved to Kansas City, Missouri where he still lives. At seventeen, Lou joined the US Army. Three years later he was honorably discharged. His civilian occupation was in the construction and real estate fields. Sometime in 1995, a stranger contacted Lou and suggested that he write a book using the information he was provided. Eventually, Lou published the book "In League with a UFO", which came out in June 1997, a month before the 50th anniversary of the Roswell Crash. Lou was not aware of the anniversary, until his publisher provided that information to him. Throughout his whole life he was aware of extraterrestrials in some level, but he was not much interested in the UFO phenomena or the stories and personalities that made up that cadre. He was surprised to learn that 100,000 people were going to be in Roswell, New Mexico, for the anniversary. His publisher was disappointed that he was not going to leverage such a selling opportunity. He has published three other books: "Shrouded Chronicles of the Christ”, "A Day with an Extraterrestrial" and an upgraded second addition of, “In League with a UFO.” He is currently working on other books.


http://www.veritasradio.com/guests/2009/08aug/VS-090828-lbaldin.php

[songsfortheotherkind]

This belongs in the Pub:

It's all in your head

*happydance*

Fantabulous and joygasm! How much fun can a random bunch of guys have in a small room? Heaps, apparently! :D Great song.

[songsfortheotherkind]

I'm not sure why I decided to listen to this interview, but I did, and I just have a few things to say about Lou Baldwin's perspective about cows, and I hope no one minds.

If anyone in here minded the expressing of opinions, I'd be screwed. And Calz wouldn't be able to post 99% of the pics he posts. :D


In Lou Baldwin's reality, cows may simply be machines that are here to be eaten by us, but in my reality, that is a very sad underestimation of the animal world.
And even if it were true, it still wouldn't mean that eating the number of cows we are eating is a wise thing to do.
One only has to read John Robbins' book, Diet for a New America to see why or watch this video:
http://www.ted.com/talks/mark_bittman_on_what_s_wrong_with_what_we_eat.html?source=facebook#.T569Kk1ZO9T.facebook
to know that this massive consumption of cows is one of the things that is seriously messing up the planet.
That's not even addressing the effect that the incredibly inhumane treatment of those cows has on us as a species and on our relationship to the earth and the other lifeforms we share this planet with.
And while I certainly don't hate Lou Baldwin, which is the emotion he predicted he would inspire when he was talking about his views on this subjects, I have to say I do feel really sorry for someone who can't see that animal lives are precious and they are far more than just machines. They have feelings and they experience pain and suffering just as we do, and anyone who can't see that, in my opinion, is not highly evolved, but is stunted.
Rant over.

I do get that some individuals must eat animal products to be healthy: someone here on the board nearly died trying to be vegan and I have at least one Shifter son that would literally die if forced to eat a vegetarian/vegan diet. For those whose bodies are built for an omnivorous diet I think that the consumption of animals or animal products can be done far, far more consciously, honorably and reverently than it is; I'm thinking of some of the Native American approaches here, the deep connection to the life within everything.

I do not consider that the encouraged addiction to meat and animal products is done with ignorance of the energetic and spiritual toll such practices wreak, from the micro of the individual to the macro of Western society; it's being done intentionally, for economic reasons on the shallow level to the deeper reason: those who are fostering this focus know full well that the unconscious overconsumption of animals and animal products cripples the individual's ability to slide, which requires a far more fluid connection to the physical body. Eating foods that hard anchor the consciousness to the avatar in a toxic way is one of the easiest pathways to calcifying the inbuilt plasticity of the physical body; in other words, get them to eat stuff that is bad for them and you can stop them from activating Neo-style states.

Personally I am able to be a raw food, almost vegan: the B12 can be an issue, so unless I'm prepared to take supplements, I have to eat certain raw milk produced products. I don't want to be dependent on the techno-industrial behemoth for my B12 so I don't stick to strict veganism. It's the consciousness, the purpose and intent, and the integrity that really makes a difference; and there's not a lot of that about, that's for sure, even amongst those that are so convinced they are 'awake'. The main forum area here proves that.

I utterly agree with you regarding the relationship between our ability to evolve and how we treat animals; I am Otherkind and have family and lovers that look more 'animal' than human- personally I can't eat anything that reminds me of a friend, or that has been a friend. I have loved my gentle cow friends, in the days that I was growing up on the farms; I handmilked and dearly loved our house cow, who was intelligent and gentle, and a source of great comfort at times. My horses have been the same- I've laughed at and loved the antics of the chickens, the goats and the other animals that populated my life in those days. Anyone that says animals don't have any consciousness are indeed just indicating the dearth of their own awareness, not stating anything about the world I experience.

Thanks for sharing. :)

[songsfortheotherkind]

Songsy, what you shared about your mother was beautiful, thank you. You and I do tend to hit explosive places with each other, but you're one of the few people I've ever known who sees past my apparent rage and fieriness and understands where it comes from. I love you for a lot of things, but I love you for that. You and I may encounter horrendous 'jangle', but we know each other. That will never change. I need you to understand that however angry and unstoppable I become sometimes, that is never deleted or lost. It's always there and it always will be.

Through you, I'm learning to let go a lot of fear and constriction around the anger of others. I'm learning to gift my Self the ability to draw lines in the sand and maintain them, despite how much someone I love and care about is raging at me about it and regardless of the poison that some words triggers in my own system. You're the most brilliant purge of that stuff that I've ever come across- it's just as well that we're not physically together at this point, because it gives us the space to work out the inclination to draw lightsabers on each other without actually throwing things at one another. Paintball, at some point I think, may be our friend. And because I'm not afraid to push my evolution in whatever way it arises, I'm evolving faster on the 'new and improved version' than ever before, because of both your gleeful childlike ways- and the glorious sense of Shine that this brings- and your infuriating and werewolf inducing glitches.

I love you without any need for you to be anything other than your Self at all- that's how I like to do things- even when you being your Self is creating a temporary desire on my part to hurl the computer through the window. I'm learning far more effective and useful ways of Being simply by being around you, because your glitches are accompanied by a dazzling and bright spirit that giggles uncontrollably at yodelling wizards and Boromir's idiot suggestions, and sometimes sees the infinitely possible with such clarity and brilliance it's stunning. Learning to be with our differences is, at least to me, a brilliant way to figure out how vastly differing perspectives can live in acceptance and joy with each other, zero desire to change anything in the other, living the deepest expressions of what sui generis really is. I'm embracing what is really true for me, including my poly and Otherkind self, in ways I haven't dared to before, and I'm letting go of a lot of dross that had been getting in my way since pennyfarthings were the new black. It's in part our connection that is the platform for this.

You are one of energy's gorgeous gifts to my sui generis and I think I'm the same to yours. I love you too- living into this *waves hands* whatever it is between us only makes my life even Shinier than ever.

But then again, I *am* strangely fabulous and wonderfully unique... :D

[Calz]

Paintball, at some point I think, may be our friend.



Yes ... yes ... sell tickets you should http://www.pic4ever.com/images/42kmoig.gif

http://www.pain4glory.com/images/paintballdecal.gif

http://media1.break.com/dnet/media/2009/2/77%20Paintball%20is%20Hot.jpg

http://www.w3bbo.com/forums/owned/Owned-Paintball.jpg

[Curt]

Borden, hope you're doing alright with your recent split.

Hang in there.

Here's a low-key tune that really worked for me in the past.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnA7AyOuyc4&feature=related

[Borden]

Thank you, Curtis, I appreciate that. It is a good one.

[PurpleLama]

Why, look no further than raw honey for an excellent source of all your bee vitamins. For sooth.

[Borden]

I knew I was doing something wrong. Do you mean to tell me that eating bees isn't the best way to get bee vitamins? They do taste a bit stingish. I shall look into it.

[Calz]

I knew I was doing something wrong. Do you mean to tell me that eating bees isn't the best way to get bee vitamins? They do taste a bit stingish. I shall look into it.


At long last we now know the mystery behind the disappearing bee colony. :hungry:

http://www.funnyanimalsite.com/pictures/Bear_Hates_Bees.jpg

Just kidding mate http://www.pic4ever.com/images/shm_mhm.gif

You know I think you are BEE .u.tee.ful and I hope you are starting to heal from your recent loss.

http://wallpapersus.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/bee-humor-funny3d-600x450.jpg

[Borden]

Thank you Calz ... for BEEing a mate.

[Debra]

"For it is in the Age of Aquarius that the secret of alchemy and the magic water of the Elixir of Life are made known to the entire human race. This single act topples the powers that rule the world and re-creates society and culture."


Talking about evolution - all things physical and spiritual, I would like to share this new video that I picked up on Lisa M. Harrison´s channel .. an interview with Andrew Norton Webber who is 'dedicated to spreading the secret about Shivambu, the elixir of life, and what distilled water and urine actually do for the human body.'

Highly inspiring and damn convincing. This, I am going to follow and see what happens ...
_msWtSljFQw

His website is: http://aquariusthewaterbearer.com/

[another bob]

Dear Friends,

Yesterday Mazie underwent a complex gastro-intestinal operation, and it remains to be seen how successful it turns out. Unfortunately, during the process, they had her placed in a physical position which messed up her spine, activating an intense arthritic flare-up, and she has been in nearly unbearable pain since then.

Unrelated to that, all the cartiledge has worn away in her right knee, which will require that the knee be replaced asap. This is part of the deteriorating effects of her severe form of Rheumatoid Arthritis, which has plagued her since the age of 9, and which has already led to several hip replacements, to name just a few of the numerous horrors her dear little body has been submitted to over the years.

As for myself, I finally received the results from the biopsy, and it appears that the tumors on my prostate which were diagnosed as cancerous two years ago have now been transmuted into "benign" status, so go figure.

Thank You all so much for your kind and generous healing intentions and well wishes, which have been deeply appreciated!


:yo:

[Calz]

Thank you Bob so much for taking a moment during this difficult time for you to share the news with us.

Continued healing thoughts and energies for Mazie.

Happy to hear about your own results.