The one person that boils my blood [Archive] - The Project Avalon Community Forum

Gone002

25th March 2012, 20:08

This person is family but the way they act you would think they had a complete different upbringing. They don't care about other people, they are always take take take. They talk about themselves all the time and they always bring out the worst in people. Most if not all there conversations end in in an argument or a least try to make one. They don't seem to be able to say that they are wrong or that they have caused a problem.

Even when your around this person, they make you tired and weak and very powerful arua/ personality. I seem to be the one that says anything and when I do I get shouted down, they do it just out of well they have to but I know they agree with me.

Ever time I am around this person I can't help but get angry at a very primal level which is not me at all, I am the last person to try and solve anything with violence. They get under your skin and affect you even after they have left like there aura is residual.

I have no idea how to deal with this person, no mediation I know can help me when there around and when I do mediate they seem to darken my thoughts.

I need tips people.

I should add that at one point in there life this person was involved in some dark practices

(sorry for spelling)

(to make matters worse at the minute i seem to be having some kind of strange problem that i can feel the pain i have caused others in my life, so when there around its worse)

THANKS for well been here to talk to.

Alie

25th March 2012, 20:16

Family issues -:p How can you ever help anyone that doesn't want to help themselves? You absolutely can not change people without their consent. So, you then make a choice ... can you accept them as they are, or not. If you can not, you will have to learn NEW ways to eliminate the aggravation --- 1st by NOT putting yourself in their presence.

One thing that is prevalent in many families --- that b/c blood is thicker ... you have to be around them. Not so, you really have a choice whether or not to be around them. No one is allowed to damage my heart & mind. I simply remove myself from the aggravation.

Midnight Rambler

25th March 2012, 20:16

Gone002

25th March 2012, 20:18

wise words people, i just can't seem to take that final step. i want them to change, but like you said they have free will.

Thank you

Ernie Nemeth

25th March 2012, 20:46

Usually, not always so I may be off base here, someone who triggers us has a lesson to teach us - a lesson we'd rather not learn or even acknowledge.

I had such a trigger in my family - we do not talk any more (for years now). I'm still trying to figure out what the lesson might be. It is very hard to look there...it almost hurts.
Hope you figure it out for yourself.

Much love,
Ernie

johnf

25th March 2012, 20:56

I feel this way about a number of folks in my life and am finding it easier to deal with recently.
Meditating always seemed to make it more difficult not to drag one of these people into the present and at times yell out loud when there was nobody there. Over the last few years I have been following the advice of people like Mooji, Scott Filoby, and Eckhart Tolle and just looking at thoughts that come up and relax into what it actually is, and at times I need to drop into the body and relax into an emotion connected to that thought. Watching a lot of Lisa Cairns videos, including a couple of her satsangs in India, has brought up my tendency to judge others and myself in a very safe space, and when she talks about the fear of letting Jack the Ripper out, I became more willing and able to look at my judgements of people who have frightened the crap out of me and one of these is one of my parents whom my basic story was written around. I am tempted to label a number of people in my past and present as sociopaths
and those numbers are probably way too high to be true. What am I afraid I "am" deep inside seems to be what is behind my emotional violence towards others. On the surface I don't seem to believe it is my job to fix or correct these people, but boy can I get momentarily convinced of that when I am around the anger of others. This story is still in progress and these are some of the things I have felt are really helping me to move through this "danger" zone. What Lisa says about intense situations in life is that she has no temptation to think that the other person should be different than what they are no matter what is going on.

Gone002

25th March 2012, 21:03

Thank you johnf, very helpful i will look into the people you have mentioned, also thank you for sharing some personal feelings and thoughts.

RunningDeer

25th March 2012, 21:05

Dedicated to two of my sisters: Teachers of Service to Self

I use to demonstrate love, patience and compassion to those who were not treating me in the same fashion. Now I realize that their life perception is measured by a different code. Their innate character is designed to usurp illusionary power.

Today, I take responsibility for what transpires between us. I do not reinforce their behaviors. If I choose to stay, it is because I stand within the Self. Therefore in essence, they are my designated teachers assisting me in the art of patience, compassion and tough love.

Holly Lindin

25th March 2012, 21:06

I'm so sorry to hear you're dealing with this right now, Celt. I can COMPLETELY relate, as there are two people in my Life (my father and my sister.) who, just in the last month, I have stopped talking to, based upon their behaviour toward me and other people (completely reactionary, selfish, disrespectful, etc.). This whole "blood is thicker than water" stuff is BS, especially considering that I've found the people who SPOUT that kinda crap are the kinds of people (like my father and sister.) who go outta their way for their friends but treat their "family" like second-class citizens. And besides, we're all SOUL Brothers and Sisters, anyway, so this whole "blood" thing makes no sense to me. :)

I see it like this: If you had a friend who treated you like garbage, who never asked how you are, who never listened to your side of things, who only thought of themselves, who wasn't willing to improve the relationship you and that person shared, who was constantly taking, taking, taking (as in both of our situations.), everyone in your Life who cares about you would be advising you to GET OUTTA THAT RELATIONSHIP. If you were being abused in ANY way with a lover or a friend, the people who care about you in your Life would BEG you to end it! And, regarding what I said above, why should "blood" be any different?!

I grant you the UTMOST strength with what you're dealing. I know it's difficult - and it might get harder! (My partner knows I was crying for about a week straight when I finally made the decision to stop speaking to them.) But it eventually stops being such a focus, and you get on with your Life - and find some happiness without them. And hopefully, in time, they'll think back about their behaviour and re-weigh everything from a different, hopefully more enlightened viewpoint. I send you tons of Love. If you ever need to talk to someone who's dealing with the same sorta thing, please don't hesitate to PM me. <3

Gone002

25th March 2012, 21:25

First I would like to thank WhiteCrowBlackDeer for that powerful teaching that makes 100% sense to me, like I had heard it before when mediating but I couldn't remember it like it was out of my reach. I would also like to say thank you to Holly Lindin for that very personal story and insight, thank you both for sharing this knowledge and thank you all for listening. I will mediate on what I have learned.

Life is hard, but with people like you in the world there is hope. No matter how small the seed is, it will grow into a tree that gives life to others.

johnf

25th March 2012, 21:32

Thank you johnf, very helpful i will look into the people you have mentioned, also thank you for sharing some personal feelings and thoughts.

I forgot to thank you , or whatever powers that be that brought this thread to my attention at this time. So thanks to all concerned, lol.

Lifebringer

25th March 2012, 21:38

Is this person/family member awake or sleep?

It can be very frustrating, but you're right about picking up that energy vampire. I just ignore them or let them just keep running their mouth, and don't offer any conversation back. They seem to be so stuck on themselves, they wouldn't notice if they have no one to cut off during discussion.

Pray for them that they do wake up if they are not. Sometimes moving to another vibration, and the others around you may be on a lower one. If can be very daunting.

Jeffrey

25th March 2012, 21:48

This is not advice for you per se inasmuch as the fact that this is advice I give to myself under similar circumstances. So, for what is worth... People can be mirrors or grindstones and it is easy to be enlightened on a mountain top. Nobody irritates you without your permission. You can't change others, only yourself (I'm running out of clichés here). I would pray love to them and pray serenity for your own sense of well being while in this persons company. At the monastery we call people that affect us like that "saint-makers". You actually have an excellent opportunity on your hands here if you would only see it as such. Good luck!

Hervé

25th March 2012, 21:53

Then...

... of course...

... there's always Ho'oponopono:

http://educate-yourself.org/zsl/hooponopono25jul06.shtml

http://www.idreamcatcher.com/hooponopono/

RunningDeer

25th March 2012, 22:04

"Story-Teller-Bullies"
From my journal:

Everyone has encountered a story-teller-bully from school, work, friends or family. Her tool set is so predictable:
- all eyes must be on her
- any conversations get interrupted

The more attention she gets, the more deceptive detail added. What's worse is that the story is so warped from what's real, she starts to believe her fairy-tale. An obscure reality plays out in her mind. Which came first? The illusion or the delusion? Does it really matter? The net result is that relationships are destroyed.

Ever notice the topics? It's never about good things, happening to good people. It's tainted by innuendo and lies. The main theme is usually about what somebody did to her. How her traumas are the biggest; her monsters the strongest. Story-teller-bully is ALWAYS the innocent victim.

Here's the good news. Dishonesty is so passé. People are waking up. We are so passed the threshold of lies and deceit. Intolerance is on the decline. Be forewarned. Rethink what is ethical, good, and right. Truth.

So, we are off the side lines and speaking up to protect the vulnerable from the big, bad wolf.
These are our tools:
- deflate
- interrupt
- turn away
- start a conversation with someone else

It's for your own good. We've stopped reinforcing this behavior. Story-teller-bully wake up from the dream of projection of your own fears on to us. Consider this your written warning. The gig is up...

THANK YOU FOR THIS THREAD, CELT!
Whoa! Boy, that feels good! Roarrrrr! Thanks you for this thread and everyone that contributes to it and all those that read it.

Sidney

25th March 2012, 22:06

Your trigger person is a narcissist. I agree, it makes you crazy to be around them. I dont really have any advice, except to stay away from them whenever possible.

here is more info.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/08/04/how-to-spot-a-narcissist/

onawah

25th March 2012, 22:28

I had similar problems with my mother and my sister.
My mother was a Fundamentalist who, after I was on my own, used to write me long, preachy letters, which assumed that I was a damned soul because I didn't toe the Fundamentalist line.
I spent a couple of years doing my best to bless her, let it go, meditate on it until I was no longer affected, but finally I just told her that her letters were going to be returned to her unopened since they were demeaning, disrespectful and insulting.
My sister wrote and said Mom was very upset about this, but that she would not admit she was wrong or that her letters were very UNloving, the opposite of what she preached.
So I sent her letters back unopened for over a year until my sister wrote me again saying that Mom promised her letters would no longer contain preaching or lecturing.
Mom was true to her word (for the most part), so I began reading and responding to her letters again, and it was no longer a painful chore for me.
I felt very liberated after having taken such a stand on my own behalf, and I think my Mom learned something too.
Later, my sister, who was an alcoholic and a self-described "party animal" began harassing me, wanted to come and visit me, etc. and so I became incommunicado with her as well.
I told her that we had nothing in common other that our blood connection, and that was not sufficient for me to want to continue having contact with her, so until further notice, she was not welcome to visit and I would not be returning her calls or letters.
It was a huge relief to no longer feel obligated to take responsibility for her just because she was my sister.
I have done things in my life that I've felt less than justified for having done, but those actions were not among them.

Gone002

25th March 2012, 22:33

Thank you onawah for sharing that very personal and deep story. It takes alot to do what you did and i thank you for your information and example.

edit
Some amazing information being posted here thank you all again for not only listening to me but helping me and others. I hope i will one day be able to help you.

RunningDeer

25th March 2012, 23:07

"House of Mirrors"

I’m second oldest of eight kids. I don’t remember so much drama growing up as I see of late. Still I give thanks, for they make great teachers. I finally understand that they are a microcosm of the macrocosm. This is what I've come to know:

Whatever I am feeling in any moment the inner mirror reflects it outwardly. If all I notice are the angry ones, I know there is a direct correlation. I step back. Suspend little ego-self. View from a higher place where my pure conscious resides.

If or when, I catch myself blessing the angry one with a thanks for being a Teacher, I know I've just step onto the greater path of wisdom. One that brings quality into my life. A quality life brings with it greater light experiences. And I just claimed my Higher Self.

astrid

25th March 2012, 23:25

"The one person that boils my blood "........

Well the big news is, whether you want to hear it or not is
it's about you , all of it.

If you are being triggered by something in your external world,
these are your emotions, and yours to process so that you no longer get triggered by that event.

That person, thing, experience, is actually there as a teacher to you,
so you can grow . If you don't get it this time around it will happen again and again,
via a variety of different versions of the same theme. It has very little to do with
the "story" .

SO bottom line is process what YOU are feeling so the "charge" is removed,
so next time the same thing comes up , you will be like meh, whatever...

These days i purposely try to trigger myself so i can bring things to the
forefront to deal with. Being able to handle our emotional selves is going to
be absolutely crucial in the coming times. Many people will lose it and spin out,
going into reaction and survival mode, our base ,yes, reptilian mind.

It's going to be the ones that can handle their emotions and stay calm
that will get through. And this is also an important, everyday, grown- up
skill to have, regardless of what is going to happen or not happen.

Thank the person, in your mind, rather than sending them "hate mail"
and then go off to a space on your own and work on your processing,
there are many ways to do this. But they all involve being able to sit with your
emotions and embrace the shadow self as part of you.
Rather than something that is being "done" to you from the outside.

This is an important gift for you , use it wisely and you will grow
at speed and in strength. People are mirrors to us, helping us to see
our blindspots.

It's all good, shift your perception of seeing this as negative to a golden chance to
do some very valuable inner work. Remember, these are your emotions,
no one can make us feel anything, it's all a choice we make.

Being stuck thinking, believing, that someone is doing something to you is,
victim consciousness. Whereas, getting that it's about you and you have a
choice how to respond to whatever comes at you, changes everything . You go
from being and feeling powerless to being empowered, in an instant.
That shift in perception is the first step, if you can do that, the way you view
the world becomes totally different. The power is back with you, where it belongs.
And i don't mean the negative, power over version of that term that we have come to associate it with.
Personal power is a totally different animal, not built through the expense of the
other, but from a inner knowing.

This is basically the first major step to growing up and being adults.
Which is what we all have to do to get out of this mess we are in globally.
It takes us from being blame focused to being solution focused,
and taking responsibility for our part in the drama, the dance of life.

The bottom line is then we realize that we can actually do something.

When we are stuck in reaction and survival mode, again the reptilian brain,
we simply can't think straight, our pre-frontal cortex, our evolved human mind
just does not work. Why it's of absolute crucial importance to be able to get a
strong handle on your emotional self, its only then we can really move into a place where we can be truly effective in helping others and ourselves.
It's a heal thine self first thing, and very much worth the effort.

The big secret , the biggest of all is we are all very powerful, why there is so much
work, money, energy put into to keeping us thinking we are powerless.

Cilka

25th March 2012, 23:26

Celt, you dont have the right to force anybody to change. You will make the situation worse. You only have the right to change yourself. Learn from this person how you can handle difficult people in a more efficient and positive way. And if it's too difficult then dont do it, just stay away from the individual. You will do both of you a big favor by staying away.

truth4me

26th March 2012, 00:21

The term energy vampire comes to mind. I've learn this-----I do not interfere with their free will choices in life. My brother whom I love dearly chooses to drink and do drugs ,he's 45, he's told me he won't change so I leave him be. I don't go around him yet still love him. Same as my dad. We don't see eye to eye on some things yet I love him and honor him.

I refuse to be around negative energy vampire people.....family or not for you see we ALL are family......

Selene

26th March 2012, 00:29

Yours is a lovely question, Celt. And one that we must all deal with at some – or many continual – points in our life.

Charles Shulz’s immortal Linus summed it up best, I think:

http://img96.imageshack.us/img96/2246/linusp.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/96/linusp.jpg/)

Yes, our nearest and dearest are sent here precisely to drive us crazy, to push all our buttons beyond our limits, to motivate us to respond in ways that “humanity-out-there” can’t. That’s their purpose in being a part of our life.

The important issue here is not the behavior of the other, but how you respond within yourself. You cannot change or control others or your external circumstances; you can only change or control yourself. And most of us cannot really do that, can we? (Honestly, now.) That’s what we are here in this lifetime to learn.

After all, how would we feel if others had the right to control or change us, our behavior, our ideas, our feelings? Would we think it fair? Would we resist? We are – and should be - in control only of ourselves, not of others. That’s the wisdom of the universe.

So, no: you’re not going to “change” this person who is triggering your weaknesses. That’s pointless and futile.

But you can choose to respond at a number of different levels:

Level 1: Blame them. This is the most basic response: it’s all the fault of the other; I deserve better. They su*k, I shine with my pure integrity of being, I am a faultless soul abused by this idiot…. Sure, do this if you need to, it’s okay.

But we eventually evolve to a higher level:

Level 2: Blame ourselves. I brought this on, it’s my karma, I should have known better, I’m a fool etc etc. I blew it. Guilt trips and psychotherapy go here. Yes, this is “better” but still evolving.

There’s a lot of learning here, but there’s a level up again:

Level 3: That’s just the way it is. This is the level of acceptance, of “allowing” both the self and of the external perception. This is the level of letting go of the emotional dynamics of the situation, of freeing yourself from your fears or anger about whatever you are reacting to. This is the level where you truly begin to accept and allow the other to be who they are, too, without blame, without anger or recrimination. This is the level of true freedom and true realization. You let go.

And that’s when something amazing begins to happen: As you release your expectations over the other, they become free to respond without the overwhelming control and domination that your “expectation” energies brought to them. The psychic conflict ceases. True love and respect can begin to flow freely between you instead. They feel safe; they can unfold into their better selves, as do you. Freeing yourself from the situation frees the other as well.

Not immediately, of course. Time will work its own agenda, but in the meantime you will be freed from your own pain.

I’m not saying, of course, that you can apply all of this in the next forty minutes – but simply offering it as a general guideline, a map ahead if you will. And each individual situation or challenge will need its own resolution; you will grow as you grow. And each lesson is valuable.

I hope this is helpful.

All my best wishes,

Selene

kersley

26th March 2012, 00:50

Why are you so effected by this family member? Why do you allow yourself to fell that way? Once you have decided,it will all stop. it's all about choices. nothing more nothing less..

doodah

26th March 2012, 01:26

Dear Celt,

There was a time when the blood-family thing was very confusing for me. The family is the primary group we are born into and we want to feel we are special within that group. Most of all, we want to be loved. But even if we were not loved in the way we wanted, we may still believe we have "rights of birth" within that group that we don't have with others.

Maybe it depends on how you personally define "family" and what you believe families are "supposed" to be. This person obviously does not fit your definitions. Selene also touched upon some things you might consider in similar regard.

After much anguish over "wanting people to change," I've come to view my family members as individual people who don't owe me anything just because we're blood related. On the other hand, I don't accept abusive relationships within the family any more than I accept them anywhere else. Sometimes the "lesson" being presented is so we can say "no."

I've also come to view people the same way I view animals. I have a clearer relationship with animals than I do with people because (to me) animals themselves are clearer than people! That is to say, if a dog is very friendly, that's easy to deal with. If, on the other hand, a dog has its own traumas from puppyhood that make it act oddly, one can try, gradually and over time, to heal the early trauma. But in the meantime all you can deal with is the behavior. If that means you have to muzzle a dog in order to take it for a walk so it won't hurt others, then that's what you have to do. If this controlling relative is the disturbed elephant in the living room, get out of the way! [Selene's choice #3: That's the way it is.]

One thing you said: "This person is family but the way they act you would think they had a complete different upbringing."

Have you realized that that might actually be true? I am the 2nd of 4 children. Because of the family stresses going on at my birth and in my early years, I had a very different upbringing than the 4th child born. When I tell my brother the things that happened to me, and how my parents (his parents also) acted, he doesn't even believe me. We were, in a very real way, raised by different parents as they themselves grew and changed.

Good luck on resolving this issue. You will, I'm sure.

Peace,
Doodah

Snowbird

26th March 2012, 01:38

Ah yes Celt, I too have one of those in my life. I used to have two and now there is one. The second one I had to step away from and end all contact because of the severity. This one, still in my life, is a tough one to deal with also. But it is true that I am the one who is responsible for empowering myself within this situation. I'm improving but I still have several weak links. This one is definitely my achilles' heel. Hang in there. You can do this!! :yes4:

Libico

26th March 2012, 02:09

Hi Celt,

While I can't personally relate to something similar, my wife has had family issues for as long as I've known her and I've helped her deal with it - reading your situation sounds like a flashback from a few years back where every time she would be around this person she would get so completely upset (and rightfully so) that you could see it wasn't healthy. She would never say anything back, or even confront the situation because it was strongly ingrained in her to respect her elders and respect family, but she came to realize that doing so just ends up getting you hurt and frustrated when dealing with these kind of people.

There has been some great advice in this thread and mine mirrors that - simply limit your time around this person, and try to detach yourself emotionally from them. I don't know your specific situation but our was like this - the person in questions was extremely intelligent, narcissistic, and loved to lash out at my wife to make her feel stupid or insignificant. From the side it was obvious to me that here this person lacked has an inferiority complex and liked to pick on the perceived weaker people to make him feel like Alpha male. His targets (for lack of a better word) weren't weak or stupid or anything remotely like that, but they always exhibited the same response patterns - they made it clear that he was getting to them with his words/actions, so he kept pushing. People are creatures of habit, and if you show the response mechanisms they want, they will keep acting the same - in your case I would analyze to see what responses you are giving to this person, and how they perceive it. Your reaction (and others in your family) are likely exactly what they are trying to provoke to fulfill some selfish ego need.

Take a step back, physically and emotionally. Take the higher ground and try not to let yourself get frustrated - feel free to tell the person off in a respectful way (more for yourself than for anyone else) and try your best to always keep your cool. People like this thrive off cracking your exterior and getting an emotional reaction out of you - don't give them the satisfaction. When you let your emotions take over logic goes out the door and you it's a slippery slope to get back to your rational self where you know the only reason they are acting like this is insecurity or plain selfishness. If you start to cool yourself around them you'll likely get less frustrated as it will stop getting to you, and this person will move on to "easier" targets. Of course, this could simply be other members of the family which also isn't healthy and can leave you equally frustrated, but lead by example - if you stand up to them it could give others the courage to as well.

People like this often won't change without having their world rocked, and that be near impossible to do as in my opinion any verbal attack on them will cause them to retreat into a corner, not listen, and lash out to divert attention away from the issues (their insecurities). Play the shrink with them - ask them point blank if they feel that their behavior is appropriate, and wouldn't it be better for them to be more pleasant? Use your words carefully so they can't see it as an attack from any angle (i.e. no "don't you think you are behaving like an ass?" type questions) to catch them off guard - they will likely avoid giving you a serious answer because they don't have one. If you really want to see what kind of person they are underneath their aggressive exterior do this privately and you might be able to put a chink in their armor and get them to realize that their behavior is hurtful and childish, but that is no easy task. If sounds cliche but love can conquer all - present it to them how much you love them and want them to be happy instead of always being frustrated and lashing out at everybody - see if you can get to the root of the problem. You can't really speculate what might be down there, but if you can you it can explain a lot of why they are behaving like this, and they might start to realize that they need to change - any change needs to come from inside, but you can help them to this realization.

Take what I'm writing with a grain of salt as I don't know your specific situation, and I will freely admit that a lot of this I wish I could have done in my situation but it wasn't my place to fight my wife's battles for her, or interfere in her family issues. What I wrote above did help her move forward and be much less affected than she used to be by this, and I hope the advice from everyone here can help you do the same.

Much love.

mosquito

26th March 2012, 02:32

Hi Celt, thanks for this thread and thanks to everyone who's contributed, there are some real pearls of wisdom here, and what Astrid says is perfectly true. But I know that sometimes it isn't easy to see how you can re-empower yourself and effect change in your life, so I'd like to share what I did with regard to my relationship with my brother.

About 12 years ago, there wasa major blow-up, we had never been close, but in 2001 some family matters came to a head and I was getting the usual bulley-boy crap about how he was going to put me in hospital etc. etc.

Step one was to be grateful for the sh1t to come to the surface to be healed !!

Thereafter, I knew I had to work on myself. I started by doing a shamanic journey (a guided visualization is similar, don't be put off by the term "shamanic") to my brothers childhood, and saw a huge amount of anger. It could be argued that a fair amount of this anger was also mine, and I've come to realise that actually it isn't relevant, what's relevant is the existence of anger in our relationship, defining our relationship even. I then saw that compassion and love were the only way to heal this, and (in the visualization) gave as much love as I could to him as a child, and I saw that I needed to make a loving gesture toward him in the physical world. I'd inherited his teddy bear, so the next day, I put in in a box and sent it to him.

The next step was to process my own anger and hatred, and yes I had to acknowledge the hatred and not judge myself. I went into our garden with an old axe, painted it with red paint to symbolize blood, painted all my anger onto it, and buried it.

This changed me, and there was a resultant change in our relationship.

I hope this is of some help to you, and I wish you luck !

Philip

RunningDeer

26th March 2012, 02:42

I should add that at one point in there life this person was involved in some dark practices.

(to make matters worse at the minute i seem to be having some kind of strange problem that i can feel the pain i have caused others in my life, so when there around its worse)

"The Strong walk away for there is no need to prove a thing."

Hello Celt,

I think that deep down inside, you already know what to do but you just need us here at "The Land of Avalon" to send you support, and loving energy and encouragement.

Maybe something here will click deep inside for you:

Sometimes the most loving thing to do is to walk away. You can have great love, great compassion and great forgiveness. But consider this: they are just not there yet. Plain and simple. They may not know how to give or receive in the kind of friendship you can. And you deserve what is good and right for you.

You Decide and You Do for You!

You deserve:
- a life of fulfillment
- a life of peace
- a life of light

I would not welcome a person that is involve in the dark practices. It is a drain on your precious energy. And when you make the decision to move, maybe you'll begin to feel stronger and whole and happy.

So I'm sending you love and support and encouragement to walk the path that you already have chosen. Go for it!

With heart,
WhiteCrowBlackDeer xo

skamandar

26th March 2012, 03:17

Celt I am so exited. Seems like you are describing my story.

And It's not only the story about how you feel around some family members but also your avatar. I'm using the same avatar in youtube. Just the sun flair on my avatar is a bit bigger.

And I am not writing here to complain about that I feel sorry for myself and blame my family for being the way they are. I actually think that I just found out a solution.

I had a birthday 2 days ago and I got as a present a magnetite bracelet. You cannot imagine the effect I feel for such a short time:

1. I am constantly being electrocuted by static electricity - not anymore. I just observed in a dark room me touching an object, the spark comes out but the bracelet somehow directs it down without touching me and feeling the electricity effect.

2.I stopped hating all the people so much. I actually just realized that I couldn't stand being around people just because I am some kind of an empath and feeling their constant misery made me 100 times more miserable. I was collecting misery and forgetting who I am while feeling the general bad mood being projected all around me.

3.And I just had a request from 2 of my family members, that were putting me down all the time, to get them magnetite...
Imagine that this people never want to listen to anything I want to say. They always roll their eyes even if I say HI. In a way like - what are you talking about you stupid?
I came back home after a 2 day party-work regime and I haven't seen them for that period. I just told them - look what a wonderful bracelet I had for a present. I handed it to them to see it... and OH MY GOD - they wanted to have the same as soon as possible. And I think this is a miracle by itself, because anything I have, I like or I think about has always been stupid, irrevalent, dumb, "why you are wasting my time on this" thing.
So after thinking for a long time on their reaction I came on the following conclusion - I am acting like my irritating family members also. I went back on the way I behaved so many times. Even my closest people that I love have told me that if they didn't love me back so much, they will kill me for my words...
Then I went even deeper - I am part of that irritating always hurting family. It must be something genetic. I guess some of us are empaths. And like a sponge we are sucking all moods. And just because we are in a society full of miserable people we feel overwhelmed. And by chance I discovered that the magnetite and I guess many more things which I don't know about, can very effectively assist us in our mission - to observe and to listen with understanding, to other people stories, without becoming overwhelmed haters.

skamandar

26th March 2012, 03:29

And Avalonians plese.... even with my bracelet on my hand reducing my overall irritation.
When you will stop spamming the forum with "I really understand you and I'll meditate on you and pray for you and feel sorry about you and blala?"
Use the forum for offering a real tangible solution. Some people are reading it for actual assistance.

lilac

26th March 2012, 03:45

Great thread, Celt. While living on Maui in 2010 I found myself living among like-minded people. In that setting I was able to be more myself than ever before. It was a time when I suddenly found that life was not pushing me along. Rather, I was suddenly free to make choices or even just be. I began practicing Ho'oponopono. It took me a very long time to realize it, but I eventually became aware that I was dreading turning on my laptop in the morning. I love my laptop. It is my phone, my tv, my radio.... you get the drift. So what? One morning as I watched my desktop come to life, it hit me. There was the perky little green checkmark on Skype, telling me that my sister was up, online and ready to talk. Crap!!!! It slowly dawned on me that I had been communicating with her almost daily for years now, out of a sense of guilt. I did not really want to talk to her. The more I thought about it, the bigger it got. So I had a psychic reading. I learned that there had been several past lives entwined with my sister. No surprise there. But in one lifetime, I had been raped as a young girl. The result was an illegitimate daughter - my sister. I was ostracized and unmarriagable and I hated her. I guess I didn't take very good care of my child. Then there was another life where we were twins and she was a bit slow. Our mother made me cover for her and I grew to resent her. So, the way the psychic put it was that I had 40 years worth of karma with her. Well, it has been almost 60, so I'm done. Initially, I tried talking with her about it. I was now aware how wrapped up in herself she was. I couldn't get to a place of real sharing with her. In order not to start venting, I wrote. I wrote pages and pages of how I resented her. I was so tired of her competing with me. I suddenly saw how everything I said, she went one up. I said that I'd like to play the flute. She bought one and hung it on the wall. Shoot, I can't afford a flute! Anyway, I finally wrote what I thought was a beautiful, forgiving letter in the spirit of Ho'oponopono. Well, she decided to be highly upset and dramatic. Thank goodness she was 4000 miles away. The worst was that my mother began asking me to call my sister. It turned into a whole family nightmare. I went there (eastern Canada) last summer. I explained to each member who asked, that I wasn't ready to talk to her. For their sakes, I wanted to. But there was still a charge on it. Finally, everyone left me alone about it.

Last month my daughter asked me why I was mad at my sister. I couldn't remember. I knew it was time to call her. We had dinner together, she and I and all our kids. It was great.

schneider

26th March 2012, 05:45

Lots of good info given here. Here is another perspective i heard from a guy named Allfaaraa. This person causing so much grief, could be a very young soul and apparently these young souls are here to create lots of karma in their lives. That is what they do. They stir up the mud because they don't have the wisdom to act in a more loving way. This person is providing your soul with an opportunity to increase in light, by strengthening your tolerance, compassion, and the ability to just observe with out reacting. Take care.

eva08

26th March 2012, 06:50

I have taught myself to not engage and every day is a new day of my exercise of not engaging or arguing or fighting back.

I have been trying to find new ways of communicating, since I learned from this experience in my life that if I get angry my life does not go that well. So I took on this opportunity to teach myself to stop reacting, to stop arguing, to thank the other person for the enticement to attempt to engage me and therefore help me to teach myself to stand on my own without reaction.

I can tell you I am not always managing. But I am really learning to shield myself from the vibrations that I would usually react against and the words I usually would feel offended by. In a sense I am learning to look at myself and the other person more from a spectator perspective than from an actor's perspective.

And I have come to graciously thanking this person for being like that so i could have my spiritual learning experience. Without this present aggravation I would need to find someone else to act this role for me so I could learn to stand my ground in bliss and love and stay out of harm's way.

There are several techniques that have helped me, in particular the Abraham teachings of pivoting thoughts. I learned about this technique about 13 years ago and not online. These techniques are probably the easiest techniques to master.

Other techniques that are helping me personally are the Nibiruan Council 9 steps of compassion that happen to work for me very well but may be not so easy to learn on your own. With either help is available.

Simonm

26th March 2012, 07:05

OMG, I have learnt so much from reading this thread. Not going into details, but suffice to say have had quite a tumultuous life so far, this thread has put so much of my life and feeling into a very bright and visible perspective. Many many thanks for all the contributors for their input. I feel so different than I did when I first opened the thread.

Corncrake

26th March 2012, 07:08

Celt - I am so sorry you are going through this but thank you for the post as it has been very interesting and encouraging reading all the different responses here. There is not one answer but FWIW I think the most important point that has been made here is that any change lies within yourself. Whatever route you chose - the change has to come from you. The way you respond will effect your adversary's behaviour. Like so many here I come from a big family all with different personalities and life experiences and there have been some big ructions over the years. Just a short example - one of my sisters, who is an extrovert, always wants to be the centre of attention and will tell cruel jokes at the expense of others. When confronted about this her response, having hurt her target and got a smile from her audience, would be 'only joking' and a hug but the damage would have been done. Knowing her desire for attention the rest of us learnt not to respond and she stopped doing it. Having suffered myself on a personal level at various different stages in my life I learnt compassion - and am still learning! To try and put yourself in the shoes of others is not always comfortable but does give you insight into their behaviour which is a start. Life is a learning process. Good luck.

Gone002

26th March 2012, 07:23

Thank you all for your, support, help, experience and teachings. I would also like to thank all of those that shared there personal stories, that takes real spirit to do and to deal with it. I understand what I have to do and I can see the error of my ways. I wish you guys and girls the very best in life and someday I will repay your kind thoughts,energies and most of all the act of listening.

spiritwind

26th March 2012, 08:12

You seem to have it figured out so I don't have much to add. For me it came down to the realization that some people I am better off loving from a distance. If I really have to be around someone that makes me that uncomfortable because they are actively spewing whatever and won't stop I often start singing something like Amazing Grace as loud as I can. I don't really sing that well but I can belt that song out pretty good. They think I'm crazy but it often makes them quit. I also imagine a shield around myself that only allows what I want to come in. Imagination is more powerful than we realize.

RunningDeer

26th March 2012, 10:38

"Life’s an Etch-a-Sketch Doodle"

You have control
over the knobs
and the squiggles
and turns.
Go ahead.
Shake it.
Wipe the slate clean!

sdv

26th March 2012, 11:25

From a psychological point of view, if being around someone always brings up distressing feelings/thoughts, that person is mirroring what is in you that you find unacceptable. Forgive yourself for whatever it is and love and accept yourself unconditionally. If you have difficulty with this, think of Hitler (or someone like him) and compare yourself - you are one of the angels! Now, avoid this person if you can. Or if you have to be around this person, learn to practise reflection. What is the point of sharing your thoughts and feelinbgs with someone who just does not listen? Don't. Just reflect back - reframe what the person has said and send it back to them, or say 'hmm ...'. Perhaps this person feeds off negative energy, so let him/her feed off his own!
Love and light, and remember that you are one of the angels!

Seikou-Kishi

26th March 2012, 12:59

I am sometimes disappointing by some views my siblings have and I noticed it effects me more because they are family. I hope for more than a narrow minded view of the world and because we are related I presume we are pretty much on the same page, but we are not :(. I guess the only thing to do is to live and let live, let their free will be and maybe they will learn from their actions as time goes by.

We always hope, especially with family, that we can help them learn as quickly and as easily as possible, but very often it seems that people are determined to learn the hard way :(

spiritguide

26th March 2012, 14:17

This thread combines all paths one may consider to walk to the destination of "Heal Thyself!". Thank you for the experience.

:peace:

WHOMADEGOD

26th March 2012, 14:44

On one of the work contracts I had I was employed by a person I instantly recognised, (this is an important detail as at my stage in life I know realise that whenver I meet somebody for the first time yet instantly recognise them I am exactly where I should be and to pay attention as there is something important to learn).

In a nutshell this employer did not like me no matter how hard I tried and while working for him my mother died of cancer. He redused to give me any time of for greiving and as a contractor if you dont work you dont get paid and I have a young family to support, I was driving over four hours a day just to get there and back and needed the money.

The following week after spending all night over the weekend with my two brothers helping my mum to die from an agonising condition, I was falling apart and broke down at work in front of everyone and then screamed at wanting to to take my employer outside into the car park and kick seven bells of **** out of him!

well, some friends calmed me down before he came back into the room and I managed to get through the rest of the day. After the long drive home it began to dawn on me why I knew him and why we were in this situation together and the lessons I could learn from it.
I realised it wasnt even personal, he simply had a role to fulfill.

The next day and every day thereafter until my contract had ended I always directed love towards him and even felt compassion as I realised his life was full of pain.

I mist make this very clear that this was not a survival te,hnique my ego had developed, this was a sincere revelation and it has changed me into a better person for it, howver I still have a long way to go!!!

SEAM

26th March 2012, 16:44

"Dear Abby, Dear Abby, you have no complaint, you are what you are, and you ain't what you ain't".. John Prine... (couldn't resist)

Carolin

26th March 2012, 17:10

I grew up with my grandparents, great aunts and uncles, second cousins, aunts, uncles and cousins all around. It was wonderful, I just assumed that's how all families were supposed to be. I used to spend a ton of time, energy and money planning things for our family to do together. It took me over fourty years to finally grow up and realize that my efforts weren't reciprocated. I continue to be really close to my parents and my niece and her family because those relationships aren't one sided.

I've pondered the possibility that I am fully responsible because of karma, mirroring, or thought patterns. I've prayed, meditated, sent love and healing but finally realized that their indifference wasn't just with me. So now I gravitate to Dr David Hawkin's perception of reality and how everyone is just where they are at. You can't make someone care no matter how much you do. Nor can you make them empathetic.

I'm still sad that my family isn't what I had thought it was or wanted it to be. After working through the pain and dissapointment I am left with a greater appreciation of the healthy, nurturing, loving relationships in my life.

"Some people care too much, I think it's called love." ~ Winnie The Pooh