Whole Can of Worms

[jagman]

A few days ago a female neighbor of mine asked me if I wanted to come over and hangout. So I did. During the course of our conversation she told me she was 20
years old.A few drinks later, She started flirting with me. She told me that she had always thought i was nice and very cute. Her name is Tamika and she is of a mixed
race.( Latino and African American) She is very hot, looks a bit like J LO. Anyway
I went to the kitchen to get a drink and she followed me. When i turned around
she kissed me. She then proceeded to take her shirt and bra off. I was just standing
there in awe. I did kiss her a few times but I then told her I had to go home because
I had to get up early for work. I have never dated someone outside of my own race.
Not that i think that there's anything wrong with dating a girl who is mixed,Just it
has never came up before now. Her being 20 was the real issue. The next day when
I got home from work she called and asked me to come over. I lied to her and told her
i had to work on my truck. She sounded like she was upset. I Hope im doing the right
thing here.

[frances]

If there is a next time and you can't resist the wonton hussey, make sure you have safe sex. Frances.

[dan i el]

Sounds like you are doing the wrong thing. jmho. Perhaps you are too old for her, she too young for you. Perhaps not. Harold and Maude seemed to click quite well.

[christian]

Stop lying to her, just be honest. Tell her what's on your mind. She might not like, what you say, but she surely will appreciate your honesty more than your shirking.

[Earth Angel]

I think you're looking for the Dear Abby forum..........lol........age and race are irrelevant, you just have to decide are you interested or not.......is she a mature 20 year old? are you an immature 39 year old ? otherwise the gap may be too much for more than some amazing sex......then again that might be all you want......follow your heart not your..... ;)

[RunningDeer]

Mocha Cappuccino Visits
     
Sometimes relationships are meant to be a brief encounter designed to profoundly effect another. And then move on, that's the sole purpose. They assist in turning the corner to where the journey patiently awaits.

For me, there have been two relationship encounters that are forever etched in me. One conversation was only a six word exchange, mostly mine. And in the second case, there was little dialogue but the most powerful conversation was through the eyes and the silence.  However brief, they are forever a part of me. I consider myself fortunate to have had such opportunities.


Follow your Heart
Lust is great; Lust + Love = Kismet

but LOVE softly whispers

[gypsybutterflykiss]

:). Lol! First off, I'd ask to see some I.D.- just to save your hiney.. She might be younger.. You never know.
And for seconds, I say- if it feels right.. And you can set boundaries to stay within for a while to prevent everything from spiraling out of emotional control... Go for it!! I just mention the boundaries because you are neighbors.. You know? Maybe also find out if she has a long or short term lease agreement.

Age (within legal means) needs not to affect your decision.

Best of luck...
Who knows- perhaps you just need to slow things down and just help wake her up out of humanity's deep slumber.:flypig:

(I thought the flying pig was cute) Spring is in the air!!!

[Curt]

Hey Jagman, sounds like an alright problem to have. ;)

Here's a tune from Flight of the Conchords.

May you find inspiration in it...



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGOohBytKTU

[tonton]

i found it difficult to accept the you were questioning a relation with this bird because of her race......i am offended,how would you feel, as a human if someone judged you on the color of you skin, bloodline instead on who you are?.dont be little jagman.

[jagman]

i found it difficult to accept the you were questioning a relation with this bird because of her race......i am offended,how would you feel, as a human if someone judged you on the color of you skin, bloodline instead on who you are?.dont be little jagman.

I guess i need to clarify. Before this gets out of hand. I have never dated outside
my race but I don't think there is anything wrong with dating a person who is not
of your race just it has never came up in my own personal experience until now.
I think she is very beautiful.Her age is what i really took issue with.. Hope this
clears it up for you.

[Earth Angel]

maybe you could edit the race part out of your OP, as its not an issue why even mention it?



i found it difficult to accept the you were questioning a relation with this bird because of her race......i am offended,how would you feel, as a human if someone judged you on the color of you skin, bloodline instead on who you are?.dont be little jagman.

I guess i need to clarify. Before this gets out of hand. I have never dated outside
my race but I don't think there is anything wrong with dating a person who is not
of your race just it has never came up in my own personal experience until now.
I think she is very beautiful.Her age is what i really took issue with.. Hope this
clears it up for you.

[Forevernyt]

Here’s my advice to you…

1) If you are both consenting adults, then race/age isn’t an issue. If it feels right go with it.
2) Get what little bit of happiness you can while you can. She obviously likes you and she’s looking for a bit of happiness from you. Give freely service to others…
3) Be honest with her in what your expectations are and find out what her expectations are. Is she looking for some fun? A friend with benefits? Is she looking for a long term relationship? Find out and then judge whether it’s something you’re comfortable with.
4) Don’t let fear, peer pressure or any other outside factor play a part in what makes you happy. If you like this girl and you want to be physical with her, as she seems to want to be physical with you, then do what comes naturally.

[chancy]

Jagman Hello:
I can understand your conundrum BUT I must say age does not matter. From personal experience there's only a few chances in life to get what you deserve. As long as the gal is over 18 what's the problem. My wife is half my age and I didn't get married until I was 44. She was the best thing that happened to me and believe me I dated way to much all over the world with all ethnic backgrounds. My wife and I have a beautiful family now and she is still the best thing that happened to me....one of the best things is I have to continue to thrive to keep up to her unlimited spunk. Even if this doesn't work out for you I think you will find that allowing a nice gal into your life can only accent your great life already.
It sure did for myself.....together we have a GREAT life and have never looked back.
There are friends of mine that are your age and higher and aren't willing to get life a chance and they are lonely and really withdrawn mostly at night since the buddies are always around in the daytime. My wife has set a couple of them up with her really nice girl friends and they basically ran because they said to my wife "Why is such a beautiful girl attracted to me an old guy?" My wife told them because you are finished sowing your wild oats and are a great catch since you have wisdom and experience. The younger girls don't have to worry about an older guy always cheating on them.
Now you know the rest of the story.
Goodluck and don't let an opportunity go by that you will regret later..............
chancy

[Forevernyt]

This is the song that came on my Ipod after responding to your post and if you read between the lines I think it relates to your "situation".

Hoodoo - Muse


Come into my life
Regress into a dream
We will hide
Build a new reality
Draw another picture
Of the life you could have had
Follow your instincts
And choose the other path

You should never be afraid
You're protected from trouble and pain
Why, why is this a crisis in your eyes again

Come to be
How did it come to be
Tied to a railroad
No love to set us free
Watch our souls fade away
Let our bodies crumble away
Don't be afraid

I will take the blow for you

And I've had recurring nightmares
That I was loved for who I am
And missed the opportunity
To be a better man

[Carolin]

More like Penthouse Forum than Dear Abby lol. I guess it depends on what you are both looking to get out of it. Most people can't handle a casual thing. I would tread lightly.....you don't want to end up living next door to a crazed stalker.

[gypsybutterflykiss]

:) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Sorry, I couldn't resist!! Happy Spring!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N43B_UyaAyw&feature=youtube_gdata_player

[Earth Angel]

oh my god.........


:) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Sorry, I couldn't resist!! Happy Spring!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N43B_UyaAyw&feature=youtube_gdata_player

[Cilka]

I think I am missing something here. Why was this forum started, and what exactly are we supposed to be discussing here? I think teenagers visiting this forum need to speak to their parents about silly problems such as the one that was described above.

[Forevernyt]

See, I have to disagree Cilka.Jagman was obviously facing what he believed to be a moral dilemma and was seeking advice from his friends here at Avalon. If you feel so strongly that this post does not belong or if it has no value for you, what is the sense of leaving a comment like you just did, openly? You could have sent Jagman a private message asking him why he felt the need to post this. Also, if you feel that it's not "post worthy" why are you bothering to respond at all, just skim it and move on to something that has more value for you.

[Cilka]

See, I have to disagree Cilka.Jagman was obviously facing what he believed to be a moral dilemma and was seeking advice from his friends here at Avalon. If you feel so strongly that this post does not belong or if it has no value for you, what is the sense of leaving a comment like you just did, openly? You could have sent Jagman a private message asking him why he felt the need to post this. Also, if you feel that it's not "post worthy" why are you bothering to respond at all, just skim it and move on to something that has more value for you.

As a friend, I had to be honest. True, I could have moved on and said nothing but I felt like saying something. So, because I could not lie, I choose not to lie as it has no value to me or anyone else, I had to tell the truth how I felt. Isnt that what true friends do? A true friend tells you the truth. If you get offended by the truth then it is your problem that you allowed yourself to be offended. You also had the choice to ignore my comment, but you did not and instead you told me your truth. I thank you for speaking your truth. :cool:

[Prayer Warrior]

A few days ago a female neighbor of mine asked me if I wanted to come over and hangout. So I did. During the course of our conversation she told me she was 20
years old.A few drinks later, She started flirting with me. She told me that she had always thought i was nice and very cute. Her name is Tamika and she is of a mixed
race.( Latino and African American) She is very hot, looks a bit like J LO. Anyway
I went to the kitchen to get a drink and she followed me. When i turned around
she kissed me. She then proceeded to take her shirt and bra off. I was just standing
there in awe. I did kiss her a few times but I then told her I had to go home because
I had to get up early for work. I have never dated someone outside of my own race.
Not that i think that there's anything wrong with dating a girl who is mixed,Just it
has never came up before now. Her being 20 was the real issue. The next day when
I got home from work she called and asked me to come over. I lied to her and told her
i had to work on my truck. She sounded like she was upset. I Hope im doing the right
thing here.

Romans 13:13,14

13 "Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in the revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy." 14 "But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts."


humbly, R/John

[DouglasDanger]

Fear of crappy relationships I am sencing in you Jagman... ( I suck at Yoda Immitations :) )

My fiance' is 25 years old, I am 38 years old,
My fiance' is Phillipino, I am Caucasian,
She is the first woman I've dated who isn't Caucasian..
She is the Best thing to happen to me in 20 years,
Don't miss out on the greatest relationship you've ever had,
But!.Make sure you talk with her openly about what you want and what she wants, then go from there.( you know she's attracted to your looks and you hers but you need to make sure you like whats under her good looking hotness ...she maybe a shapeshifting reptile ...HA!.. :) )
If you don't give it another "Over a Cappachino Conversation" at least and find out her intentions.....
I am pulling your Dude card...

[freebird111777]

She is still very young! She is trying to get your attention the wrong way...that is probably the only way she knows. I would try and have a real conversation with her and talk about each other's likes/dislikes to see if there is any connection. Don't lie to her though! Girls can get crazy LOL

[WhiteFeather]

Make sure she is definitely of legal age, or you will have more troubles. You never know these days. Be guided by your intuition as well.

[RunningDeer]

This doesn't fit this thread.

[gypsybutterflykiss]

Prayer Warrior makes a good point here.


Alcohol ... That's a whole other thread.

"she begs you to abuse her"... (alcohol that is)

You'd have to get to know her without alcohol as well. Which is the most healthy of many choices.

Yes! Freebird- she is very young still. Talk deeply to her.. I would. I mean about
Things that play in the Land of avalon"

Something brought you two together, even if it is for a moment, as whitecrowblackdeer mentioned...

But relationships do fail and sometimes so hurtfully from alcohol that one must always be aware of their actions.

And who knows....

Perhaps she was a holographic image that you, yourself implanted on your chart to make you realize that there is something reminding about something or other but you just can't put your finger
On it until you get that total dejavu...

I wish everyone great joy and health in all relationships with all. I apoligize for babbling on so much, but I'm just bubbling over with unconditional love today.

I hope you can all feel the rainbow I spread. Do not deny one's self from love. The frequency is rising....





A few days ago a female neighbor of mine asked me if I wanted to come over and hangout. So I did. During the course of our conversation she told me she was 20
years old.A few drinks later, She started flirting with me. She told me that she had always thought i was nice and very cute. Her name is Tamika and she is of a mixed
race.( Latino and African American) She is very hot, looks a bit like J LO. Anyway
I went to the kitchen to get a drink and she followed me. When i turned around
she kissed me. She then proceeded to take her shirt and bra off. I was just standing
there in awe. I did kiss her a few times but I then told her I had to go home because
I had to get up early for work. I have never dated someone outside of my own race.
Not that i think that there's anything wrong with dating a girl who is mixed,Just it
has never came up before now. Her being 20 was the real issue. The next day when
I got home from work she called and asked me to come over. I lied to her and told her
i had to work on my truck. She sounded like she was upset. I Hope im doing the right
thing here.

Romans 13:13,14

13 "Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in the revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy." 14 "But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts."


humbly, R/John

[Rosco1]

Hi Jagman

I would not worry about the age gap!
A neighbour of mine is 71 and his wife is 43 and they have been happily married for 15 years.
He is Indonesian and she is English.
Also a mate of mine married a Thai lady, she is 27 he is 58 and they are both very happy.

What I would say is research her ethnic background to see what their customs are ?
As most people have said here, be honest with her about your feelings.

If it worries you so much about her age or being under-age then ask for proof she is the age she has stated.
If she is genuine, she will be more than happy to show you the proof.
Basically you both need to talk openly and be honest about your feeling for each other.

As with my mate who married the Thai lady, she sees life differently to the way white women see potential partners/husbands.

Good Luck mate!

[DouglasDanger]

Hello Douglas Danger,

Happy you've found "the One". Those are rare. Though, I'd love for you to prove me wrong.

Heart-Zap,
WhiteCrowBlackDeer

One day siting at my desk feeling lonely as we all do when alone. I asked a few questions to myself out loud..

Q) "when will I find the love of my life?",

Answer) " your not looking hard enough or in the right place".

Q)"All I do is sit infront of my computer, I don't do the bar sceen, my good friends are married with no single friends where do I look?"

Answer) " look where you've been looking, but know exactly what your looking for"
Q)" what am I looking for?

Answer)" I want what my two best friends have, went to both thier weddings, adore both thier wives like sisters, so I want what they have but I also want unconditional love and acceptance for being myself, like my daughter gives me"
(Thier names are Rosa, Hanna, And my daughter Josselyn)

that was the end of my outloud question and answer session...

Result...
About two months later I recieved an email from a dating site I was on from a Phillipino woman in a silly hat, a short message that she'd like to know more about me, I didn't respond, couldn't afford the site ( pay for men to send messages, free for women, alot of dating sites are like this) Anyhow to test that she actually was reading my profile I changed the message on my profile page directing the message to her.. She sent another message.. she was reading my profile!.. I changed my profile everyday for 2 weeks, each day she read it and responded sending me a message.. Finnaly I had the coin to spend on the fee for her information from the site..
Her name is Ronnalyn.. Ro of Rosa, Nna of Hanna and Lyn from Josselyn...

The source listens when you ask yourself the right questions...but I find a little patience is needed when waiting for its answer.. :)

[RunningDeer]

Hello Douglas Danger,

Happy you've found "the One". Those are rare. Though, I'd love for you to prove me wrong.

Heart-Zap,
WhiteCrowBlackDeer

One day siting at my desk feeling lonely as we all do when alone. I asked a few questions to myself out loud..

Q) "when will I find the love of my life?",

Answer) " your not looking hard enough or in the right place".

Q)"All I do is sit infront of my computer, I don't do the bar sceen, my good friends are married with no single friends where do I look?"

Answer) " look where you've been looking, but know exactly what your looking for"
Q)" what am I looking for?

Answer)" I want what my two best friends have, went to both thier weddings, adore both thier wives like sisters, so I want what they have but I also want unconditional love and acceptance for being myself, like my daughter gives me"
(Thier names are Rosa, Hanna, And my daughter Josselyn)

that was the end of my outloud question and answer session...


Thank you for having the courage to share such intimate moments.

Heart,
WhiteCrowBlackDeer ox

[Cerridwen]

She is still very young! She is trying to get your attention the wrong way...that is probably the only way she knows. I would try and have a real conversation with her and talk about each other's likes/dislikes to see if there is any connection. Don't lie to her though! Girls can get crazy LOL

I agree with freebird. Take her out for dinner and talk without alcohol involved. Get to know her and find out what shes looking for between the two of you. If it works for both of you, then enjoy. You did the right thing by not taking advantage of the situation, but now it's time to talk about it.

[write4change]

When I was that young I already knew that men my age were very bad lovers. I liked being appreciated even as a sex object. Becoming a good lover is an art, and like making fine wine or brandy, it definitely improves with age.

However, now that we talk about such things: honesty and parameters if there are any, should come up first. An older man should also have that conversation down pat. If not, it is a pleasure to help him think that out here. After all, maturity has already been shown---you could have already gone with what happens naturally or drunk more beer for an excuse.

As the Frenchman of the Matrix II says: choice is not the issue. Why is the issue. Choice is confused by the powerless. Unless you know why of your choices, you are powerless.

Great minds all say that any kind of relationship is a mirror reflecting back the condition of the soul.

[Forevernyt]

My apologies. I wasn't aware that you were friends. And you're right, it was not my place to tell you how to express your feelings.

[Sidney]

Have you considered that she might just have raging hormones? And has chosen you to eh hem, you know?? So, whats wrong with a couple of consenting adults enjoying each others company, my only advice is to make sure your intentions (yours and hers) are on the same page. Does she want a relationship, FWB, or a one night. Other than that who cares age or race.

[Ellisa]

Take care!!! Make sure this girl is the age she says. I defy the average male to correctly guess the age of a girl of 15, who is mature in appearance , made up and wearing attractive clothing.

She may be 'trying out' her appeal, perhaps because she feels you, as a 'nice person', will not take advantage of her. Be friendly until you find out a lot more about her!

[daddy fishwick]

If you like her then why not give it a go mate!

[The Truth Is In There]

i found it difficult to accept the you were questioning a relation with this bird because of her race......i am offended,how would you feel, as a human if someone judged you on the color of you skin, bloodline instead on who you are?.dont be little jagman.

I guess i need to clarify. Before this gets out of hand. I have never dated outside
my race but I don't think there is anything wrong with dating a person who is not
of your race just it has never came up in my own personal experience until now.
I think she is very beautiful.Her age is what i really took issue with.. Hope this
clears it up for you.

you create problems where there are none. her age could be an issue if she was (and looked) 80, depending on your preferences, but 20? if you don't have a gf and she wants you then give yourself to her for a while. that's service to others ;)

[DarMar]

Are you serious man? I mean woooo i remember this kinda of questions in first grade schools.

First you do not have strength to have open conversation with other person, that is called fear. Fear from person, really?
Second you lie to person, that shows you are fully capable of lying to yourself also.

I have never dated someone outside of my own race
c'mon, wake up! a 'other' race?

Maybe on end this is a serious thread where you can learn about yourself from a different perspective.

My question would be: what good or bad brings this to society and people arround you if you did it or did not?
Maybe some solution for human kind to step forward?

bah...

but this brings smile to point of view :)
female neighbor

as far as im concerned you could be kissing with a male as long as you are capable of bringing decissions and walk along consequences and be honest person...

[songsfortheotherkind]

Hey Jagman, sounds like an alright problem to have. ;)

Here's a tune from Flight of the Conchords.

May you find inspiration in it...

*fangirl squee* Awesome choice, sir!

"business socks"... excellent. :D

[truth4me]

i found it difficult to accept the you were questioning a relation with this bird because of her race......i am offended,how would you feel, as a human if someone judged you on the color of you skin, bloodline instead on who you are?.dont be little jagman.

I guess i need to clarify. Before this gets out of hand. I have never dated outside
my race but I don't think there is anything wrong with dating a person who is not
of your race just it has never came up in my own personal experience until now.
I think she is very beautiful.Her age is what i really took issue with.. Hope this
clears it up for you.
there is only one race on this planet and its called Human.......