The Game of Rejection

[another bob]

One habitual pattern of reactivity that hobbles most humans in their relationships with each other, and even with the Divine, is the Game of Rejection. It’s an emotionally immature tit-for-tat syndrome, based on a contraction at the heart, which tends to manifest as the chronic complaint and retaliatory mood: “You don’t love me, so I will withhold my love from you!”

As self-contracted individuals, beset by the struggle waged internally amidst the conflicts born of grasping and avoiding, craving and fear, we turn this running complaint into a self-image (the rejected one, the unloved one, the offended one), and so strike out in hurt and anger to punish the perceived cause of our wound – our relations, the ones who fail to adore and please us, who fail to confirm our existence.

If we honestly inspect our own core story, we can notice that fear is at the root of this self-contraction, and that the function of it is self-preservation – the survival and even elevation of the ego. After all, what are we perpetually striving to assert, protect, and defend, if not some image we cherish of ourselves? The self-contraction’s primal orientation is fear, and so all efforts at preserving the self-image only tend to reinforce this malignant attitude of fear itself.

In order for us to resume our natural state, the Game of Rejection based on this heart-binding self-contraction must become obsolete, in the light of awakening to our true identity. What we have been expressing through the Game of Rejection is our failure to adapt to the next stage of maturity, beyond the adolescent and destructive moods of un-love which we habitually bring to our relations.

We need to directly see how this fear-based self-contraction is being constantly played out in Games of Rejection, constantly being broadcast in the form of the neurotic message “You don’t love me, so I won’t love you” through all the personal and social media, politics, religion, and family life. It is all-pervasive, and the cause of most of the turbulence we experience in this human realm. Once this is fully understood, then we can begin to go beyond it, little by little, or in great leaps.

The only solvent to this complex Game of Rejection is love, but prior to recognizing who and what we are, prior to awakening to our own Divinity, love is simply another “four letter word”. Thus, life itself requires that we be humbled enough to recognize our error of judgment and appreciation, and in such recognition, in such genuine humility, allow what is prior to emerge from slumber. That which is prior is Awareness itself, and the function of Awareness is selfless radiation, the Shine and Warmth of Love, in the very form, “I Love You.”

Moreover, if we will be Love, we must constantly encounter, understand, and see through the Game being played out by others who may still be trapped in the vicious cycle of complaint and retaliation, and be willing to lovingly bear the wound, in order to skillfully transcend it through forgiveness, rather than falling back into the mood of un-love ourselves.

The Game of Rejection requires its players to defend themselves against the wounds of Love, and so to behave as if every wound is a personal insult. Moreover, it is not even possible for us to become immune to the feelings aroused by apparent rejection. To do so, we would need to become immune to Love Itself. What is possible is to submit to the Heart of Love, wherein we are not only always loved, but realize our own fundamental identity as a unique manifestation of Source’s own unconditional Love.

To do this, we need to stop acting betrayed in reaction to the feeling of being rejected.
We need to persistently understand, see through, and go beyond that tendency conditioned into our emotional being by the propaganda of this realm. That is, we must stop punishing and rejecting others as a matter of habitual reactivity, stop withholding love. This is difficult, and takes sincere and dedicated practice, but what is the alternative?

Love does not fail us when we are apparently rejected, betrayed, and not loved. Love only fails when we ourselves reject, betray, and do not love. Our habit of reacting to apparent rejection by others as if it were an insult always coincides with the habit of rejecting others. Therefore, we must re-adapt ourselves to the heart-sense of the innocent, the child-like, and become vulnerable in love. If we remain vulnerable in love, we will still feel Love's wound, but we will remain in Love. Therefore, the most direct way to know Love in every moment is to Be Love in every moment.

[greybeard]

Awesome post Bob
Thanks
Chris

[another bob]

Awesome post Bob
Thanks
Chris

Thanks, Chris -- this has been the core matter that has dominated my own life. Coming to terms with it requires constant vigilance, inquiry, and humility -- a willingness to be scrupulously honest and awake all the way through. It's easy enough to enter into raptures and thrillingly exalted states, but very difficult to mature emotionally to the point where the Game of Rejection no longer rears its head in the midst of relations.

:yo:

[Limor Wolf]

Great post indeed. it is also apparent how people are rejecting themselvs, not loving themselvs enough, criticising themselvs. therefore, they do the same to others, and feel that others do the same to them...

[another bob]

Great post indeed. it is also apparent how people are rejecting themselvs, not loving themselvs enough, criticising themselvs. therefore, they do the same to others, and feel that others do this to them.

Yes, it is indeed a vicious cycle, and one we need to break, both personally and collectively, if we have any hope of evolving to more mature and profound levels of adaptation in this human form.

:yo:

[Limor Wolf]

Great post indeed. it is also apparent how people are rejecting themselvs, not loving themselvs enough, criticising themselvs. therefore, they do the same to others, and feel that others do this to them.

Yes, it is indeed a vicious cycle, and one we need to break, both personally and collectively, if we have any hope of evolving to more mature and profound levels of adaptation in this human form.

:yo:

It's a pit easy to fall into, anything that involves such high amount of emotions like being rejected or rejecting, is bound to be more challenging to break than a habit that is based on habitual or logic . and being rejected is the first primordial feeling of every child coming out of their mother's womb.
You think we have a chance, Bob?

[another bob]

Great post indeed. it is also apparent how people are rejecting themselvs, not loving themselvs enough, criticising themselvs. therefore, they do the same to others, and feel that others do this to them.

Yes, it is indeed a vicious cycle, and one we need to break, both personally and collectively, if we have any hope of evolving to more mature and profound levels of adaptation in this human form.

:yo:

It's a pit easy to fall into, anything that involves this high amount of emotions like being rejected or rejecting is bound to be more challenging to break than a habit that is based on habitual or logic . and being rejected is the first primordial feeling of every child coming out of their mother's womb.
You think we have hope, Bob?

My Friend, sometimes Elementary School seems like it will never end, eh, but yes, we will move on. However, it will not be through by-passing the issue, but only through facing it squarely. This is what so many of us refuse to do. We might pay some "lip service" to the prospect, but the contraction at the core is strong, and can only be dissolved by a kind of surrender of the self-position that few are willing to undergo yet, because it is indeed a kind of death, and ego-mind has a prime directive to survive at any cost. As consciousness itself becomes increasingly self-aware, in other words, as it wakes up to itself, then a kind of self-correcting mechanism will come into play more and more, discarding the counter-productive aspects along the way, and for this reason, I trust that all is well, and will be well.


Blessings!

[Limor Wolf]

Great post indeed. it is also apparent how people are rejecting themselvs, not loving themselvs enough, criticising themselvs. therefore, they do the same to others, and feel that others do this to them.

Yes, it is indeed a vicious cycle, and one we need to break, both personally and collectively, if we have any hope of evolving to more mature and profound levels of adaptation in this human form.

:yo:

It's a pit easy to fall into, anything that involves this high amount of emotions like being rejected or rejecting is bound to be more challenging to break than a habit that is based on habitual or logic . and being rejected is the first primordial feeling of every child coming out of their mother's womb.
You think we have hope, Bob?

My Friend, sometimes Elementary School seems like it will never end, eh, but yes, we will move on. However, it will not be through by-passing the issue, but only through facing it squarely. This is what so many of us refuse to do. We might pay some "lip service" to the prospect, but the contraction at the core is strong, and can only be dissolved by a kind of surrender of the self-position that few are willing to undergo yet, because it is indeed a kind of death, and ego-mind has a prime directive to survive at any cost. As consciousness itself becomes increasingly self-aware, in other words, as it wakes up to itself, then a kind of self-correcting mechanism will come into play more and more, discarding the counter-productive aspects along the way, and for this reason, I trust that all is well, and will be well.


Blessings!

Thank you. I have the chance to excercise it these coming few days and I at least hope to be able to finish the year and move forward to next year's class in this never ending Elementary school... All is well.

[Delight]

If we honestly inspect our own core story, we can notice that fear is at the root of this self-contraction, and that the function of it is self-preservation – the survival and even elevation of the ego. After all, what are we perpetually striving to assert, protect, and defend, if not some image we cherish of ourselves? The self-contraction’s primal orientation is fear, and so all efforts at preserving the self-image only tend to reinforce this malignant attitude of fear itself.......

........Love does not fail us when we are apparently rejected, betrayed, and not loved. Love only fails when we ourselves reject, betray, and do not love. Our habit of reacting to apparent rejection by others as if it were an insult always coincides with the habit of rejecting others. Therefore, we must re-adapt ourselves to the heart-sense of the innocent, the child-like, and become vulnerable in love. If we remain vulnerable in love, we will still feel Love's wound, but we will remain in Love. Therefore, the most direct way to know Love in every moment is to Be Love in every moment.

This post happens to be about a "dance" I have enjoyed myself.
But maybe one weird way to heal rejection is just stop hanging out with that mirror?

My EGO needing much validation becomes belligerent with naysayers of my beauty.
What hubris, what pride, what meting out of punishment to the "mirror" after "rejection" of what I value in me.

One particular relationship was showing this game clearly.
There were fears I saw and nothing would budge the "anxiety"
In the presence of the trigger of this mirror refusing to validate me, I definitely wanted to withdraw.
I'd withdraw and clam down.
BUT Then I would try to go back and fix the image with new contact hoping I could "change" and be there.

I took a new tack with myself on it.
I felt "crazy" enough and just left for good.
Knowing the whole episode drama was essentially a "so what" of an illusion.
Knowing all is just a play of energies
Why play there?
The rejection stopped Instantly.

It is insane thinking about needing "particular" love to reflect on us.
I now just go for where I see the happy face. I now stop going back for more "rejection".

No more shenanigans and peace reigns.

Now isn't that interesting?

I know I can be in LOVE.
From a distance I can LOVE anyone.
Why not just treat any instance of the mirror image that "hurts" as "so what" and move on?

[christian]

It's a trick, that 'the dark archetype' is playing: 'Don't love, because yada yada'. It's gonna come up with just about anything to coerce you. But then again, it's your choice and who am I to judge you? You wanna play ball without love, go ahead if you wish. But don't count on me to play with you then ;) Personally, I'm all for love. When I try to withhold love, it really hurts, so it's not even a tough decision for me. So I have a reason to love -- it feels good to me. I think to have a reason is essential, that's what drives you. Without that feeling, which gives me a reason, the idea of love would be hollow for me. So what's with those people who don't remember that absolute or infinite love, how could you tell them or inspire them to seek to experience and express it? If people 'don't know what love is', they can just read your (great) post and say, "so what?". How can you help people to develop their sensitivity?

[another bob]

If people 'don't know what love is', they can just read your (great) post and say, "so what?". How can you help people to develop their sensitivity?

Everyone knows exactly what unconditional love feels like, just as everyone knows what it is like to be perfectly happy, perfectly at peace, and free of wanting. However, that knowledge has become obscured to a greater or lesser degree by the ignorance we have superimposed on that innocent and pure knowing, in the form of greed, envy, hated, arrogance, and second-hand belief. We are here to learn again -- to re-cognize -- through the experience of being human, just what that original face looks like, that face of Love.

Consequently, most of us seem to require a demonstration of what we already know in our hearts, to remind us of our original nature. When we witness acts of true love, for example, something resonates behind the armor we have constructed over time, based on perceived hurts, to protect and defend our transient self-images. If we are going to help our fellow humans to regain a sensitivity to their actual true nature, we can start by being such a demonstration ourselves, in the way we behave in life and relations. We can be an inspiration, but first it must be genuine of us, real, otherwise it is empty.

So, once again, our job, as we awaken, is to reflect that awakening back to everyone we encounter, by walking the walk. By relinquishing our own tight-fisted grasp on self-absorbed attitudes and behavior, and letting go of contracted self-images, our own level of vibration rises, and since all relations are energy interactions, we can notice that others are lifted up too in the process. Finally, when we are able to recognize all as ourself, then compassion has become real in our case, and this happens to be contagious. Love re-cognizes Itself.

:yo:

[ljwheat]

Now’ if one could just figure out a way to drive a silver steak the heart of TV, Hollywood, Public school system, politics‘, and more important religion and a God how love’s you only if you keep from performing 10 acts of the human condition. A silver bullet Gatling gun oops - Gun’s it’s a big job, those that have pushed this condition onto the world at large.

Becoming a monk on a mountaintop vowing a code of silence and humility doing endless chores around the monastery ---- and taping your cheeks to your ears in a perpetual smile the rest of our lives. We wind up back in Rome doing what they do in Rome.

I agree we must start reeducate our selves to a neutral set of standards to approach each other with, is not ‘Namaste’ what this word tries to do. I see you, I see your divinity?

Its like road ridge, your OK till you enter rush hour and everyone is cutting you off --- when in Rome?

Nice thread Now all we need is to work on a few tools, or triggers to get us into a more workable inner neutral action.

namaste

[another bob]

Now all we need is to work on a few tools....

Here's a start:

http://feelingtoinfinity.wordpress.com/2012/08/27/right-living/

[WhiteFeather]

Beautiful Bob. Wanishi brother.. But I have an idea. Which is Computer related.
Being that we are in a computerized world. Perhaps we can reformat our proverbial hard drive. Reset our basic input output system (BIOS) and boot into DOS (Disk Operating System) Love 9.0.
Thereby starting with a Loving Graphical User Interface (GUI) Operating System...if you will.
If so agreed, Ill start getting these units (Workstations) ready for production globally.
And you kind Sir can be The Project Manager of this new computer technology for such an insightful and wonderous thread.

PS I-Love-You (http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?43346-I-Love-You)
Just a thought.

Peace.Love.One

W.f.

[another bob]

Beautiful Bob. Wanishi brother.. But I have an idea. Which is Computer related.
Being that we are in a computerized world. Perhaps we can reformat our proverbial hard drive. Reset our basic input output system (BIOS) and boot into DOS (Disk Operating System) Love 9.0.
Thereby starting with a Loving Graphical User Interface (GUI) Operating System...if you will.
If so agreed, Ill start getting these units (Workstations) ready for production globally.
And you kind Sir can be The Project Manager of this new computer technology for such an insightful and wonderous thread.

Just a thought.

Peace.Love.One

W.f.



The next time you're experiencing some difficulty with your communications, you may want to remind yourself that LISTEN contains the same letters as SILENT.

Installing LOVE

Customer Service Rep: Can you install LOVE?

Customer: I can do that. I'm not very technical, but I think I am ready to install now.
What do I do first?

CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located Your HEART, Ma'am?

Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?

CS Rep: What programs are running ma’am?

Customer: Let me see... I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.

CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, I'm done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?

CS Rep: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?

Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?

CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEARTS in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: So what should I do?

CS Rep: Can you find the directory called “SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?

Customer: Yes, I have it.

CS Rep: Excellent, you are getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

CS Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the “MYHEART” directory:
FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT, REALIZEWORTH.TXT,and GOODNESS.DOC.
The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete SELFCRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART!

CS Rep: Then LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to Handle it from here. One more thing before I go...

Customer: Yes?

CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various Modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some really neat modules back to you.

Customer: I will. Thank you for your help.

[WhiteFeather]

LMFAO. Fantastic Response to my previous concept. You simply nailed it. . And you just might be over qualified for this position. : )

[WhiteFeather]

Beautiful Bob. Wanishi brother.. But I have an idea. Which is Computer related.
Being that we are in a computerized world. Perhaps we can reformat our proverbial hard drive. Reset our basic input output system (BIOS) and boot into DOS (Disk Operating System) Love 9.0.
Thereby starting with a Loving Graphical User Interface (GUI) Operating System...if you will.
If so agreed, Ill start getting these units (Workstations) ready for production globally.
And you kind Sir can be The Project Manager of this new computer technology for such an insightful and wonderous thread.

Just a thought.

Peace.Love.One

W.f.



The next time you're experiencing some difficulty with your communications, you may want to remind yourself that LISTEN contains the same letters as SILENT.

Installing LOVE

Customer Service Rep: Can you install LOVE?

Customer: I can do that. I'm not very technical, but I think I am ready to install now.
What do I do first?

CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located Your HEART, Ma'am?

Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?

CS Rep: What programs are running ma’am?

Customer: Let me see... I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.

CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, I'm done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?

CS Rep: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?

Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?

CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEARTS in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: So what should I do?

CS Rep: Can you find the directory called “SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?

Customer: Yes, I have it.

CS Rep: Excellent, you are getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

CS Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the “MYHEART” directory:
FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT, REALIZEWORTH.TXT,and GOODNESS.DOC.
The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete SELFCRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART!

CS Rep: Then LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to Handle it from here. One more thing before I go...

Customer: Yes?

CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various Modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some really neat modules back to you.

Customer: I will. Thank you for your help.

Bob please let me know if you think this is a good marketing platform. Im thinking of using these song selections for The Companies Newest Technology In A Computer System. Pretty catchy tunes as im sure you will enjoy them.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GmVajkqLNU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncF6q3QeltU

[Delight]

Reset our basic input output system (BIOS) and boot into DOS (Disk Operating System) Love 9.0.

Who says? Maybe the BIOS and DOS (the operating systems) are just perfect and what we need is different input? Maybe stop accepting all the commands we have allowed to be programmed? One is complicated verbiage blah blah from religious, political, sociologic, scientific and even esthetic dogmas.. ALL are inputs we believe and feel such angst about. They compare us to some abstraction.

We have been shmeared with obfuscation.
One whole shmear (slap in the face) is EGO bashing as if it could be taken away and we still exist here. Please accept my humble apologies ego.

It is easy to get through every day strife free when I stop believing my instinctive behavior must be compared and aligned with arbitrary standards. Did Creator make junk "parts". I am not all compartmentalized really. The EGO is just a function in a magnificent extraordinary machine that consciousness built just for "me" so I could be "here".

"So What" is a forgiveness because it speaks of no importance of any particular "thing" in my experience and no fault to "heal". So what is the perfect solvent as I stop rejecting MYSELF.

Yes, forgiveness is knowing nothing ever happened to disturb the beautiful ephemeral and perfect moment.....

Here is another song of forgiveness given to the all in each of us. We have been through alot toghether


I took a swim
In the sea of guilt and misery
To find myself in an island
In the middle of nowhere
In my solitude
I asked to know the highest truth
And what I was told
Is to let own self be true

qxMLZjqZ8wE

[deridan]

how true Another-Bob, ...however my spirit or charkra points don't allow me to interact with the healing phases of your text...as these other teachers so succiantly agree.

fear is the core point,..meditations we've undertaken,
though life is fast, to fast to ponder endlessly,...but then the times when we meditated those, perhaps an insufficient knowledge/experience base was present.

I've noted especially, that after rejection is experienced, that one merely seems to intake,
and that when one is in the position of being able to be a rejector to otherwise dependents
the rejection is easier to give out,..it merely comes out. ___i'll subscribe to the thread so-that when my spirit says move, i can interact more fully with your structures

[another bob]

The EGO is just a function in a magnificent extraordinary machine that consciousness built just for "me" so I could be "here".

Yes, D, the ego is not an entity, but an activity, a function. What is that function? It's the movement of attention toward objects of perception, in the form of grasping or craving, and away from objects, in the form of avoidance or aversion. It is this movement of mind that creates the sense of a separate and enduring self, a "me". All well and good, until we begin identifying exclusively with this "me", and take it to be who and what we actually are.

Here's a thoughtful article that speaks to the issue:


STOP PRETENDING

By Catherine Ingram



INNER DIRECTIONS JOURNAL, SPRING 1997

One day a six-year-old friend said to me, "Pretend you are surrounded by a
thousand hungry tigers. What would you do?" I visualized the situation as he
had suggested and, coming up with no viable plan of action, said, "Wow, I don't
know. What would you do?" And he replied, "I'd stop pretending."

In many ways, our usual pretending to be' somebody, to prove' something, to
aggrandize some notion of ourselves is similar to imagining being surrounded
by a thousand hungry tigers. It is a condition of fright based on an illusion of
our own creation. As soon as we take ourselves to be a separate agent—a
somebody—we are more or less in competition with or trying to be protected
from—other bodies. With the beliefs in "I," "me," and 'mine" come fear and
craving. It's a package deal. Waking up is the refusal to indulge this nightmare
any longer, the simple decision to stop pretending. Beyond that, nothing further
is required. In other words, you need not add anything. You need only to no
longer entertain thoughts and beliefs that are not true. Then this beauty that
you are, your true nature, shines through effortlessly and brilliantly.

A classic metaphor suggests that we observe clouds covering the view of the
sun. Eventually the clouds pass. The intelligent observer would not assume
that any thing inherent in the passing of the clouds actually created the sun.
There would be recognition that the sun had merely been temporarily obscured
by clouds, but had been there all along. In this same way, our true nature of
clear presence is, at times, obscured but always shining.

Yet, if this is so simple, so available, so obvious, how have people
consistently missed its ongoing realization? Why have people gone to such
lengths ardently practicing techniques, programs, and religions only to become
further entrenched in ideology and sometimes even fighting wars to defend
their "faith"?

The answer lies in the investment in beliefs. I once interviewed J.
Krishnamurti, and as I was about to ask him a question beginning with the
words, "Do you believe...?" he stopped me and said, "I don't believe in
anything." Most people believe their thoughts, and if they have had a lot of
thoughts on a given subject over time, there is a long-term investment in the
belief of those thoughts. The good news is first, that one need not believe one's
thoughts, and secondly, that there is no loss whatsoever in abandoning the
long-term investment in what had been believed. On the contrary, without
belief in habitual thought, there is clear seeing and open potentiality. It is what
Suzuki Roshi meant when he said, "In the beginner's mind, there are many
possibilities. In the expert's mind, there are few."

Beliefs lock us into a set way of perceiving that filters reality through these
beliefs—like a screen—and conditions our actual experience of life. As one
believes, so one experiences. If one holds a belief that the world is a dangerous
place, one experiences danger all around. If one believes oneself to have been
damaged in childhood, then one experiences life as a victim and feels abused at
every turn. If one believes that something more is needed for
happiness—more money, more sex, more power, more notoriety—then that
person experiences hunger and a sense of lack, no matter what divine showers
occur.

These thoughts and concepts all cluster around one central belief—the belief
in "me." This is the ridgepole for the entire illusory house of pain. With it
comes an obsession with the related topics of my life, my past, my future, my
likes and dislikes, my opinions, my needs, my feelings, my worth.

With this one central belief comes also an enormous and miserable
workload—the me project, which requires continual feeding and entertainment.
Because there is an inherent feeling of separation that comes with the belief in
"me," there is also a perceived need for protection, so there is wariness and
suspicion of possible threats. Its appetite for experience is driven by an
unrelenting sense of discomfort and a desire to be at least temporarily
distracted from the project. To that end there is abuse of all kinds of
substances, sex, material consumption, and power.

After working many years on the me project, and finding no lasting
satisfaction in any of its pursuits of "happiness," some people decide to try a
different approach, and they direct the project in a search for enlightenment.
They become spiritual seekers. But, often it is just the same old me project,
only now with a new spin: "I will become enlightened, and then I will be
respected, feel better about myself, spend time with spiritual people, get out of
this pitiful condition I've been living in, and someday maybe have lots of
followers, sex, and money, to boot."

I know this well from experience. By the time I was twenty years old, I had
realized that all the worldly promise for happiness paled in time or worse, grew
bitter to the taste. For the next two decades I lived a life of spiritual pursuit,
mostly focusing on Buddhist meditation practice. But, I did so with the hope of
attaining something someday. I wanted to feel better; to have a sense of
belonging, to be visionary and wise. Yet, as long as this feeling of "I" is
around, there is almost no hope of feeling better. Even when I was getting what
I wanted, there was always the nagging sense that it would soon be gone.
Anything gained in time may also be lost in time.

Looking back on the twists and eddies of this life journey, I see that so much
of what I attempted in my longing for happiness was a way of exhausting all
possibilities that the world offered, including spiritual pursuit. Neti neti as they
say in India. Not this, not that. Many years of spiritual endeavor eventually
ended in disappointment and spiritual disappointment is a most troubling kind
of despair as there is a sense that there is nowhere else to turn. Of course, this
is also a potential dawn of realization, for when there is nowhere else to turn,
one may be forced to recognize that mysterious essence which silently
permeates one's discontent all along, that supreme peace which is never
shaken or diminished in all those long wanderings in sorrow or joy.

A friend of mine recently remarked (as a play on the old Janis Joplin song)."
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to choose." If one is fortunate,
there comes an eventual giving up of the me project altogether—when you've
played out all your dreams and schemes and found no consolation in any of
them, when the tired stories about "me," or spiritual attainment, or needing to
have some particular life experience have no lure and cannot seduce you for
one moment from your mountain seat of freedom.

And there you rest effortlessly, no longer looking for love but being love, no
longer yearning for vision but continually baptized in a mystical vision of
perfection, no longer trying to live in the present, but knowing that is it is
impossible to live other than in the eternal stream of now, no longer trying to
clear your mind but knowing without doubt that nothing—no thought, worry,
fear, or idea about yourself—has ever stuck to you or ever could.

[Delight]

Hi Bob,
When I read your response, I immediately said "Yes!". There is the attender, the attendance and the attended.
Since this is orchestrated in some way, I choose that my journey through experience is purposeful and in perfect timing and all for the highest good. I feel so happy about this decision.
So what if I get mired a bit in certain attentions. The moment now is the realm of possibilities that I may em-probable. I'll just accept the messiness of choice. Life and messy are one.

Could it paradoxically be possible that the very most most wonderful "exercise" of this opportunity is developing the attention, not what we attend?
Someone posted a very interesting movie in another place on Avalon. It is called Samsara. What an immense movie in every way. IT IS FABULOUS.


Without giving anything away, it addresses a little bit about the theme of rejection.
H6YJvkLzBFk




The EGO is just a function in a magnificent extraordinary machine that consciousness built just for "me" so I could be "here".

Yes, D, the ego is not an entity, but an activity, a function. What is that function? It's the movement of attention toward objects of perception, in the form of grasping or craving, and away from objects, in the form of avoidance or aversion. It is this movement of mind that creates the sense of a separate and enduring self, a "me". All well and good, until we begin identifying exclusively with this "me", and take it to be who and what we actually are.

Here's a thoughtful article that speaks to the issue:


And there you rest effortlessly, no longer looking for love but being love, no
longer yearning for vision but continually baptized in a mystical vision of
perfection, no longer trying to live in the present, but knowing that is it is
impossible to live other than in the eternal stream of now, no longer trying to
clear your mind but knowing without doubt that nothing—no thought, worry,
fear, or idea about yourself—has ever stuck to you or ever could.

[another bob]

Thanks for the film suggestion, D, I will try to check it out!

As for your other comments, Thanks too -- they are very interesting tangents, and perhaps would be good material for a separate thread!

Indeed, there is no getting around the messiness of life, nor is that what I am driving at in the original post, which was rather intended to explore how we habitually indulge a particular (and hurtful) game of rejection in our relations.

It's good to hear that you are happy with your life choices!

Blessings!

[21CC]

:clock: Timely synchronicity for me. . . Thank you! My heart is hurting, feeling crushed tonight by a friend's disclosure that he wants to take some time (away from me). My ego-based immaturity was crushed by what it immediately identified as rejection, and terribly embarrassed at not seeing it coming...the dynamic of a five year relationship is forever changed and I am doing my best to believe it is for the greater good and accept the changes gracefully. :yes4:

[another bob]

Someone posted a very interesting movie in another place on Avalon. It is called Samsara. What an immense movie in every way. IT IS FABULOUS.


Without giving anything away, it addresses a little bit about the theme of rejection.
H6YJvkLzBFk

We watched this movie last night, and it was very well done. Since it was in Tibetan, with no English subtitles, Mazie & I supplied the translation ourselves as it went along, which was an interesting and revealing exercise in itself. In any case, Thanks again for the suggestion!

¤=[Post Update]=¤


:clock: Timely synchronicity for me. . . Thank you! My heart is hurting, feeling crushed tonight by a friend's disclosure that he wants to take some time (away from me). My ego-based immaturity was crushed by what it immediately identified as rejection, and terribly embarrassed at not seeing it coming...the dynamic of a five year relationship is forever changed and I am doing my best to believe it is for the greater good and accept the changes gracefully. :yes4:

Thank you for sharing that, and for inspecting the emotional reactivity in the midst of a challenging situation. Sending intentions for the best outcome for both of you in this relationship.

Blessings!

[4evrneo]

:clock: Timely synchronicity for me. . . Thank you! My heart is hurting, feeling crushed tonight by a friend's disclosure that he wants to take some time (away from me). My ego-based immaturity was crushed by what it immediately identified as rejection, and terribly embarrassed at not seeing it coming...the dynamic of a five year relationship is forever changed and I am doing my best to believe it is for the greater good and accept the changes gracefully. :yes4:

Wow, synchronicity for me as well right now with the exception that it is my grand-daughters mom and other family members. When my grandbaby and her mom moved out recently, the relationship has changed dramatically and almost disipated entirely. Needless to say it does hurt to suddenly not be close to someone who you were close to. I am trying my best to let go gracefully and not let the ego make it worse. Family dynamics for me are especially challenging and feeling rejected is certainly a lesson I am learning to face right now. Thank you for sharing a personal vulnerability, it helped me to post and bare my own personal wounds.

Blessings,
Annette

[Delight]

Dear Bob and all,
I apologize for taking things on a tangent. Reacting to feeling rejection is an awful painful place. It just cannot be simply waved away.

Being left behind is horrifically awful emotionally.

I imagine what if my beloved left in the middle of the night with no goodbyes two days after the birth of our child. Yashodhara experienced that once. Now who was the "master" in that relationship?

I will stop being tangential AFTER my Ego shares one tool for good feelingness in the midst of being left behind (fairly or unfairly). It has a sense of satisfaction when it uses the following formula.... "Thou__ __ __" I love you. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.


http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9rOq_fb37ko/Tp-Zh4md3hI/AAAAAAAACRQ/6gCVZ0Pa9LA/s1600/sdoUx.png

[another bob]

Wow, synchronicity for me as well right now with the exception that it is my grand-daughters mom and other family members. When my grandbaby and her mom moved out recently, the relationship has changed dramatically and almost disipated entirely. Needless to say it does hurt to suddenly not be close to someone who you were close to. I am trying my best to let go gracefully and not let the ego make it worse. Family dynamics for me are especially challenging and feeling rejected is certainly a lesson I am learning to face right now. Thank you for sharing a personal vulnerability, it helped me to post and bare my own personal wounds.

Yes, it's in the initial family environment where most of us become players in this game, and then in turn perpetuate the reactivity habitually in our ensuing relationships as we move out into the world.

Thanks for sharing your sincere efforts at these challenges with us, Sister!