and I cried today......

[truth4me]

I have a 22 year old son. He's a computer guy going to school carrying a 3.88 GPA. I'm very proud of him yet we got into one bad argument. I mean I used hardcore language on him. I apologised but still felt bad,this was last Sunday. I reconnected with the spirit within last night to get me back on track. I woke up today and a spiritual feel was consuming my body and thoughts. I was being nice to everyone and as I was doing my laundry at our local laundry mat and I noticed this kid who looked just like my son at the age of 12! It shook me to my core! I walked over to the vending machine and the kid came up to me and smiled. I mean I hurt deeply thinking about my son and I cried today......a moaning cry inside my car. Soul growth lessons can be tough but looking at that 12 year old kid humbled this old man down......:sad:

[Sidney]

the things we learn from parenthood.. it is humbling. btw we are almost neighbors. so. Il here.

[truth4me]

I just kept looking at that kid and I kept seeing my son! I just hung my head and cried in my car..............

[Caren]

Hi Truth4me,
my youngest is 21 and finished his 3rd year Computer Science last Spring. He recently decided to study Civil Engineering; a big decision for him due to pretty much having to start from scratch course wise. I only mention my own son knowing what a stressful time this age can be ie. studying, University fees, having a part time job and a social life.
You obviously have thought deeply about those regretful words and that is a most positive step. I'm sorry you feel so upset.

[cloud9]

I don't know if the short story I'll tell you will help or not but I'll give it a try.
I have been reading A Course in Miracles for the last 2 months. One or the most important points in the book is that this reality doesn't exist, our bodies don't exist and everybody else other than "me" are figures we have "created" in this reality that is just a dream. Also it can be seen as a movie, you see, when you are watching a movie, it was made long ago but you are watching it now, they say it's the best way they can describe this reality. Another important point in the book is the fact that forgiveness is the only tool that we can use to wake up from this dream that we think is real.
Two weeks ago I had an argument with my husband before going to work and I said things that immediately I regretted I said. I went to work with a very strong feeling of guilt, I knew I had offended and hurt him a lot so at lunch time I did what the book says we should do. I closed my eyes and I said something like this: You (my husband) are a figure I created in my dream, what I think you did is not real so you are innocent. What I think I did isn't real either so I'm innocent and we both are already forgiven. My Higher Self is now in charge of this situation.
The amazing thing is that I felt a tremendous relief almost immediately and when I got home my husband was in the best mood, he kissed me and offered me dinner and for the last 2 weeks he has been sweeter than usual. I'm still in awe...

[Ellisa]

One of the hardest things a parent has to do is to let their child (of whatever age) grow up and discover their own point of view. It is a truly loving thing to do-- to allow the independent child freedom to explore and sometimes make decisions you do not agree with, so that they can learn the consequences of their actions.

Your son will know your harsh words were unusual (I infer that from the way you were so upset with yourself) but in fact you were treating him as you possibly may have treated another adult who annoyed you. In fact you accorded him equality and acknowledged his individuality in your reaction. You have apologised, he has learned you have limits.

We are sort of loaned our children. Really they belong to the world. They are heaps of work at the start, and often even more after the age of 13-14! It is when they are adult that you discover you have a friend! A really good friend and one you can rely on as they rely on you. That's the reward for parenting!

And no-- I haven't forgotten the 4-12 year olds. They are the cream of the crop, the lovely stage where their mind is absorbing everything and they believe their parents know all there is to be known! No wonder we all hope it will last forever!

[Kiforall]

And no-- I haven't forgotten the 4-12 year olds. They are the cream of the crop, the lovely stage where their mind is absorbing everything and they believe their parents know all there is to be known! No wonder we all hope it will last forever!

And this is why mothers and fathers should be the ones to share the knowledge of the world with their children. They should not be put in the [I]care[I] of people working towards the common purpose.

Zoe x

[Ellisa]

Kiforall- If their parents did indeed know all that is to be known I would agree wth you, but unfortunately parents don't, and their children end up only knowing what their parents know. And, to be honest, that's sometimes not much!

[Kindling]

Truth4me, you sound like a wonderful parent with a wonderful son. I have 2 boys in their mid-twenties. Lawd, the teenage years were nothing compared to the early twenties!! lol :-)

[Kiforall]

Kiforall- If their parents did indeed know all that is to be known I would agree wth you, but unfortunately parents don't, and their children end up only knowing what their parents know. And, to be honest, that's sometimes not much!

The children that do not have the Love of two parents are at a disadvantage but it does not make them unworthy of receiving the love and care they deserve even if it come from other sources.

The issues children have living in the society of today can be dealt with with the correct support.
Our education and social system currently see's these individuals as a waste of oxygen, an endless commodity. It is not within the common purpose to make descent human beings out of them. What use are stable humans.

Our schools need to be filling the gaps that these children are missing, it should be based on emotional education to support the true needs of these children.

Innocent children should not feel scared of these children as they can help them. We need balanced children for these fearful children to learn to love and be loved again.

Funding has been pulled on a lot of government projects set up to help 'bad lads' because they were achieving good results. They'd not seen that one coming. Yes there are still people out there who are still passionate about values but they have no support, they are alienated, bullied and eventually demoralized to the point they follow the common purpose or leave to find the truth.

Zoe x

[Shamz]

Dear Truth4Me - what I think is that you should have shown all these emotions to your son - even if you had that moment of lost of self-control. Its not that I am thinking you already did not do that - but just in case.

I have been through these situations with my parents...where I lost my anger and shouted and screamed -- and then when I regained my senses-- I felt so remorseful - I could not believe that it was me who did all this... and next moment I fell in their feet begging for forgiveness... no matter who was at fault --- I should not have behaved like that. And by doing so I felt that they tend to forgive my bad behavior sooner than later because this way they know that I am not bad at heart - it was just momentarily lost of senses.

So I am not suggesting that you do what I did... but certainly you can show your emotions/feelings to your kids...and they will understand it...I am pretty sure. Just do it.

Much love

[Nanoo Nanoo]

I remember my old man giving me a word or two when i was a child. Best thing he ever did :-) And he never spared the horses either


N

[cloud9]

I decided to add something else to my post because I feel it's important. What ACIM says about forgiveness is that it dissolves or undo any situation derived from the error we made which means it corrects the future.
If you feel terribly bad about what happened, please forgive your son, forgive yourself and forgive the situation, also ask to the Holy Spirit (as is called in ACIM) which for me is my Higher Self, God or unconscious mind to take care of everything. I have to say this is not the only instance I have applied this, I've always trusted in my HS will but I didn't practice the forgiveness part at the same time. Honestly at the beginning I didn't think it would change anything but I've already gotten so much so far since I've been doing it... you have to do it to start believing.

[Kimberley]

I would like to add...when you do not judge there is nothing to forgive..

Much love!!

[Jules]

Sometimes we learn from difficult situations more than breezing through the easy way. Between parents and children, it is important to let each other know that there is love. Also, you may be proud of your children, but if the child doesn't know it, then they may think the worst, that the parents think they aren't good enough. Humans have arguments, humans learn, and grow. So don't beat yourself up too badly.

[Tony]

Love is challenging.


Love,
Tony

[markpierre]

So you have days that you don't cry? Lucky you.

[Violet]

Beautiful and moving story. How did your son react to your apologies?

[pugwash84]

awwwwww I cry all the time being a parent, I remember the first Christmas play and everyone was looking at me because I cried so much with joy lolol xxxx

[RunningDeer]

That's beautiful post, Truth4me,

Your son is lucky to have a Dad like you. The greatest gift you can give you son is to tell him that you love him and how proud you are of him. If it's too hard to say then write a note and stick it in a match box car, popped a wheelie his way.


http://avalonlibrary.net/paula/Cartoons_Silly/images-4.JPGhttp://i1262.photobucket.com/albums/ii610/WhiteCrowBlackDeer/images-1-1.jpg

[Kiforall]

I've had a day of rest today, I've felt very numb with little or no emotion. Like the world was in a state of shock.

I don't feel the same strength of negativity in the world today, it's like it's in shock.

Then driving home today I started crying and cried for about 5 mins.

There was so much sorrow, it wasn't mine.

I do believe there is an awakening.

I think the positive signals will become stronger and break the evil bonds.

Zoe x

[Flash]

Truth4me, you sound like a wonderful parent with a wonderful son. I have 2 boys in their mid-twenties. Lawd, the teenage years were nothing compared to the early twenties!! lol :-)

good grief, leave me some hope (mine is 15) lol

[CdnSirian]

I understand all of this. I still remember scenes of this ilk just as I am falling asleep - or when I wake up in the middle of the night. I can't believe how clear every detail is and how I felt/feel inadequate, not expressive enough, not clear enough, not something-or-other enough and will everything eventually be O.K.?

It's torturous -- yet somehow I know it's all O.K.