Pointing The Way

[Fred Steeves]

Hi there everybody. In a little thread I started a couple of days ago, "A Wealthy Soul",
http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?51608-A-Wealthy-Soul&p=578501#post578501 I shared a story about my dad that was comperable to some others in the same thread, about people in your life, either good experiences or bad, who had added wealth to one's soul experience. At the end of that story, I added how he has recently taken very ill, and I was going to go stay with him for a time, to help get him better. Part of the big payback if you will.

Well, that wasn't to be. He wound up needing to go to the emergency room just the next night, and from there he was promptly moved to Intensive Care. He's dying, even though the doctors will not say it. Now see, I wouldn't ordinarily concern the forum with a personal matter like this. It may be intensely sad, but saying goodbye to one's parents is a natural course of life, and I'm man enough to face it head on without a pity party.

There's just one thing though, he's scared, he doesn't understand, and it hurts me deeply to see that. He's purposely never given the slightest thought to matters such as dying, and his shallow Catholic faith is useless. Sure, there's a priest coming, but I'm fairly certain that the comfort he gives will be gone not too long after he walks out the door.

I'm with my dad in Spirit up to my eyeballs for atleast a somewhat easy and peaceful transition, but if anyone else would care to be with him, and/or send him whatever feels right for you, I would really appreciate it.

This is not a healing request, but a neighborly reminder to him of an "it's o.k. request". http://nexus.2012info.ca/forum/images/smilies/newadditions/smile.gif

Thank You,
Fred

[Mike]

i used to sit and pound my head trying to think up something profound in such situations, but i've given all that up. in moments like these you realize just how limited words truly are.

i've worked in hospitals and seen that look you refer to. the look of fear. i truly believe that simply being with a suffering human being and holding their hand as they continue their journey is the most profound thing one can do in this situation. i've had the honor of seeing a few people out. maybe it's wishful thinking on my part, but i think it makes a real difference.

i'll keep you and your Dad in my thoughts Mr Steeves, and will deeply hope for a peaceful transition.

[Fred Steeves]

i've worked in hospitals and seen that look you refer to. the look of fear. i truly believe that simply being with a suffering human being and holding their hand as they continue their journey is the most profound thing one can do in this situation. i've had the honor of seeing a few people out. maybe it's wishful thinking on my part, but i think it makes a real difference.


That's the education we can't learn in college, huh Mike? I found myself sitting with his partner today at his place, when she decided it was time to finally see what the story was. All the hundreds of thousands of words I've let freely flow on this forum, but when a 76 year old woman begins to just break down and cry, what can you say???

Just like you say, not much. Hold a hand, give a hug, and maybe even cry with...I assume that means everything in the world...

[RunningDeer]

Peace & Light
to your Dad and his Dear Partner and you, Fred.

http://avalonlibrary.net/paula/Photoshop/hearts.JPG

Love,
Paula

[sandy]

Dear Fred,

I couldn't agree more when you say just "being and let being happen" is the thing to do. It is so compassionate and accepting to allow "being to be" while holding and sharing in the moment. Sending Loving energy you way Fred :)

[RunningDeer]

Special Delivery Message....by some Dear Friends of my own.

http://avalonlibrary.net/paula/Photoshop/angel-wings2.JPG

Love from Us

[amandapoet]

Consider the intent done, and Fred you are in my thoughts as well...despite how natural the process of eventually losing a parent may be a part of our life's experience--- it is far from being an easy one...very far...

~Amanda

[gooty64]

Love and gentleness for your Dads transition, Fred.
that he is just about to awake...

[spiritguide]

Fred,
Let the spirit of light be with you and yours at this time to keep fear at bay and love ever present. Your intentions are answered per your request.

[ulli]

My dad knew he was dying back in 1980, and told me he felt overwhelmed by all his misdeeds.
I had to remind him of all the good he had done.
In my eyes he was flawless, and I simply could not understand why he would have had guilt feelings at all.
But of course he knew stuff about himself that no one else knew.

The best thing one can do for a dying father is show them a list of their accomplishments
and then remind him of God's infinite mercy and forgiveness.
If he can't ask for it, then one can ask on his behalf.

[Craig]

Fred,

my father went in similar circumstances a few years ago, before I started on this current journey. The most scariest and saddest thing I have ever seen in my life was the fear in his eyes when he knew, it still gets me inside all these years later. I hope that I can express more info before my journey to my family before I leave. I even got a reading from Carol about him afterwards which deeply helped me understand more, and I will have you and your father in my thoughts, I hope you can be with him for as long as possible and I hope at the end he gets that sudden realisation that departing souls receive about the next adventure and that provides peace for you.

Craig

[TelosianEmbrace]

My father passed away two years ago to the month, and I so would have liked to let him know I loved him, and to be there for him. Yet he held on to the anger and rage to his end days, and there was nothing I could do that I hadn't done already to attempt to open his heart. He was abused by a priest when he was a little boy, and he never forgave and never forgot, using the inner rage as an impetus to drive him. He was always playing us, his children, against each other, and this continued to the very end. I was the only child he left completely out of his will, and I have not contested for I simply wish to respect and honour his will as my father. Money really isn't important for me, one of many viewpoints in which we differed. I loved him so hard, sometimes I felt my heart would break. It was a love he shunned and manipulated and rarely returned. But those moments I shall remember forever. I attempted to inform him about my perception of what happened to us after death, or 'transition' and he listened. You know what he said he'd do after he died? He'd come back and haunt me! I often wonder how I, as his innocent child, could be so victimised and marginalised by my only father, whom I love(d) so dearly. There is so much there left unsaid, and I can think of no other possibility than my father returning to another life in 3D.

My mother is still alive, and I so wish that she will be welcomed with open arms into the new age, into an era of peace and harmony. Yet I know that this may not occur, and she may pass before any of us realise it or are ready for it. I have given her a book called 'Graceful Exits' about sages and how they move on, which is on her bookshelf. I have shared with her my astral travel experience, and my reading of near death experiences of others. My conclusion is that we are spirit in a body, and that after we die we simply shrug off our body like an old suit. I have suggested to her that her best friend, her mother, and her daughter Jane (My sister) who passed aged twelve, will be waiting for her on the other side with open arms. She is familiar with the work of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, a pioneer in near death studies. For one who initially believed that death was simply 'the end', I believe I've said and done all I can to this point to ease her transition if and when it does come.

Thanks, Fred for the thread which has given me the opportunity to reflect upon my own parents.

I wish you all the best with your father and agree that often the best thing is simply to hold their hand, to hug them, and perhaps most importantly, to listen.

[bram]

Love to your dad.....I hope he passes peacefully into the light.

[golden lady]

When my own Mother was dying and I was feeling helpless I asked out loud what I could do and the answer I got back was Love all you can do is love.
This is a very special time for you both to share, a time that will stay with you.
So Fred, I'm sending love to you, your father and family, love and heartfelt wishes that your journey together until the end will be a peaceful one.

[Corncrake]

Thank you Fred for bringing forward such an important topic. Some very moving stories here. A dear friend is sitting by her young husband in a hospice as I write this. He is in a coma in the final stages of cancer. She refuses to leave his side before he departs and it is painful to watch the toil this is taking on her. I have talked to several friends in this situation who have sat with their loved ones at this time and sometimes he or she has at the last moment acknowledged their presence. One friend's mother sat up and smiled with joy. So in those cases the most important thing was being there. 20 years ago when my mother was dying I could not be there and have forever regretted it. Not having the same belief system as me she was frightened too but resolutely refused to discuss it. I am thinking of you both.

[Star Tsar]

I'm a father and I know I will have a real hard time saying goodbye to my Son even with the outlook on life & death I have.

My thoughts to both the Mr Steeves....

[WhiteFeather]

My thoughts are with you, and your dad....He should be proud to have a son as you. Im sure he knows it.. Spending time with your father could mean the world to him.
All My Love Fred.

[Billy]

Blessings to you're father for a peaceful passing. My thoughts are with you Fred and you're Fathers partner.

My Father is slowly dying of Leukemia. He is 84yrs old with no faith. But i did tell him he may have a surprise gathering on the other side by all those friends and family who have gone before him. His worry is for those he leaves behind.

I let him know not to concern himself, that we will all pull together and look after each other.

Maybe you can pass this on to you're father.

peace

[Limor Wolf]

I am sorry to hear it, Fred, I feel and share the drums of your heart. a parent - child soul separation could have been simple , but in our reality it ain't easy.


http://www.yoganonymous.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/peace-of-mind-paulo-zerbato-300x217.jpg


I wish peace, love and strength to your father, and to the rest of the family. You are all very wealthy souls having a journey.

[RunningDeer]

Hello Fred, I've thought about your Dad, his Partner and you, off and on today. I've told of how I was there when my Dad past on. What I didn't share was that he hung on in a semi-comatose state for almost a day. He’d come to, only long enough for more morphine.

Then it hit me. He was holding on. Not ready to leave. So, I told him that he didn't have to worry about Mom. That we'd all take care of her. With that promise, I saw a faint blush of color on his face. I told my Mom he's ready to go. Time to say good bye and let him know you'll be okay.

My Mom didn't want to believe me. I pointed out the subtle shift in his coloring. One last encouragement to Mom, he just needs to hear it from you. So she told him it was okay to go, that she'd be alright. That's when he opened his eyes, took one last breath, and lifted his head off the pillow. Mom and Dad kissed each other good bye, with the reminder that she'd see him soon. Mom passed three years later almost to the day.

I’m fortunate to have spent those last days, hours, minutes and seconds with my Dad. Death is peaceful. All that his mind and body had accumulated dropped away. I only saw in those last hours peace and light and silence and youth shining at death’s door. It’s peaceful.

Blessings.
Paula

[Fred Steeves]

Most threads of this nature seem to just fade away, and no-one ever really knows if the energies we put forth to aid someone in distress actually did any good or not. Let me break that pattern, and tell ya'll a quick little story. The 1 and 1/2 hour drive to and from the hospital morning and evening, has been my personal time to basically meditate, weep, and just listen to the wind blowing through mostly closed truck windows. It also just happens to be when I'm most in tune overall to what's going on.

This morning on the ride in, I was sub-consciously trying to sort out what the energies were that I was feeling. About half way there I suddenly began to understand, and by the time i got there, I had a real good idea of what was going on. The energy from everyone who participated was basically saying: "O.K. Fred, it's your father, so YOU build it, and we will come".

Well, it turned out I had built it, barely. It was a safe place for dad to be, a safe place to give him time to sort things out, and know when/where to move on. It was however a very flimsy creation, and the slightest disturbance to my attention or intent would allow it to fall like the old house of cards. And that's when you guys, the cavalry, came rushing over the hill. This time, your collective energy was saying: " O.K. Fred, we're here now brother, we've got it covered. Take a load off, go into that safe place yourself, and simply be with your family. The difference in the struggle was equivelent to trying to pick a person off of the floor by yourself, compared to when say 10 people encircle a person laying on the ground, and collectively pick them up using just their index fingers.

The difference in my dad was striking, he no longer has that awful fear look in his eyes. Yes, he still gets panicky when he can barely breathe, but who doesn't? What I saw today, was that the safe place allows him some time and some space, to begin to bring forth his inner strength. I could see it, and I could feel it. Yes, his time with us is still short, and today was a day for distant family to come say their goodbyes, but that's o.k.. There is that certain sense of peace about him now that was so not there before.

I want to thank everyone who participated in this from the bottom of my heart, it was/is a success...It's a win! http://nexus.2012info.ca/forum/images/smilies/newadditions/smile.gif It will be so much easier to let him go now.

Cheers,
Fred

[sleepy]

xxxxx xxxxx

[RunningDeer]

Thinking of You, your Dad, and his Dear Friend
and the journey you All are on.
Blessings,
Paula
http://i1262.photobucket.com/albums/ii610/WhiteCrowBlackDeer/Fantasy%20Fun/IMG_0667.jpg

[Referee]

My heart goes out to you and your father.

[Limor Wolf]

You are in my thoughts, Fred ~

[sandy]

Blessings for a continued peaceful and loving journey Fred and Family :hug:

[4evrneo]

Love, light and peace are already sent, for your father and yourself Fred.

Blessings,

Annette

[thunder24]

Fred..( puts arm around Fred)... I Feel You

peace

[latshaw]

Dear Fred,
I have read all the posts here and each one is filled with compassion, love, and light that is reaching out to both you and your father. I know that this outpouring of love by so many will lessen your father's fears internally and increase your strength in the physical world. It is an honor to add to this loving energy for the both of you. Prayerfully yours, Lois

[Fred Steeves]

Well, I have now seen a man afraid of death, emerge from his death bed, no longer afraid of dying. After 5 days of being sedated and on a ventilator until as of 30 hours ago, my dad ordered meatloaf, macaroni & cheese, and vegetables for dinner this evening, while sitting upright in a chair. But that's not even the biggest deal. There's a different look in his eye, a different manner, a different spirit about him.

There is the sense of a 70 year old man being suddenly "born again" so to speak. Apparently death came a callin, but it was just a social call, his work is not done here yet. That was pretty much confirmed when my dad looked me in the eye this afternoon, after I had just filled him in on the big blank in his memory for the last week and a half, and said: "There must be some reason for me to still be here then"... There was nothing else for me to say as I was holding one of his big hands but: "That sounds about right to me dad, of course there is".

Just one more thing. I'm not so naive as to think everyone who was holding our safe place was doing it all the time, who can/would do that? It's the pure intent that goes "out there", in the moment, and forms it's own little universe, for so long as needed. Last evening during the long ride back home, I could actually "see" the sacred place for us that is being thoroughly sustained. It's kind of like a drum circle, with my dad, and those close to the situation safely nested in the middle. There was no mistaking the energy signature of all involved, and it was basically: "Ya'll take as long as you need, we've got you back".

Cheers,
Fred

[RunningDeer]

So, so happy for you, All...

Cheers, :cheers:
Paula

[Lone Bean]

That's great news Fred! You get to have more time with your "new and improved" dad. :)

[sandy]

AAAHHHH....................Life is full of LOVE when you let it happen>>>>>>so good hear Fred:grouphug:

[Fred Steeves]

Hi there, for everyone who followed and contributed to this thread, I reckoned it fitting to wind it up with it's proper conclusion. Unless of course anyone sees more to talk about. It was my dad's proper time to go after all. We got the call around 2 this morning. After two long weeks of ups and downs, mostly downs, and two heart stoppages in the last 36 hours, his beleaguered old heart finally stopped for the third and final time. The original intent of this thread was indeed filled however. He died in peace, and unafraid. I am both proud of what he accomplished these last two weeks, and happy that he is now free.

As a side note, you know something interesting? Going through events like this is a time to witness just what those around us are truly made of deep inside. I knew of course my lovely wife would be a rock through all of this, but my "little" sister showed her true depth throughout the long Groundhog Day at the hospital. She never wavered when the going got tough, not once. I thought I knew what a strong and loving soul she was, but I really had no idea. Now I do, and I'm proud to be her "big" brother.

I'm quite sure that as time passes, and 20/20 hindsight comes more and more into focus, there will be a myriad of lessons and insights gleaned through this experience. They will always be dad's parting gift to his family that he loved so much. Thanks dad, see you on the other side. Say hi to mom for us would ya. http://nexus.2012info.ca/forum/images/smilies/newadditions/smile.gif

Cheers,
Fred

[Tony]

Wishing you a safe and clear journey.


Zopa.

[Jenci]

I'm sorry to hear that, Fred. That's a good, long life experience he has had. May you and your family be comforted by the memories.



Jeanette

[PurpleLama]

Love ya, bro.

[selinam]

:hug::hug: to you Fred

love
Selina

[RunningDeer]

Thank you for sharing your Light, Mr. Steeves. RIP, now...

http://i1262.photobucket.com/albums/ii610/WhiteCrowBlackDeer/Lighthouses/2.jpg

[sleepy]

xxxxx xxxxx

[ViralSpiral]

Death may be the greatest of all human blessings.  ~Socrates


http://gaia-health.com/gaia-blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Bird-flying-into-sun.jpg


Thinking of you
xx