Borderline Personality Disorder

[marlowe]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder

I don't expect to get a lot of replies to this thread BUT this is something people need to know about...

Falling in love with a BPD person can be devestating.....

[Snookie]

Yup, especially when they can't handle you having a different opinion than they do, and feel persecuted anytime you express one. One day Dr Jeckel, next Mr Hyde.

I take it you are in this situation? If so, I feel for you!

[Mutchie]

so very sad when your not fully in control knowing there is a good hearted soul in there....I know its not the same but my mothers partner came down with senile dementia and right at the begining no one knew what was actually wrong with him. He would go out at 3am in the morning and get lost or he would fill the electric kettle with water then he,d put the kettle on the gas cooker to boil and he would walk away with not a care in the world then finally he started lifting his hands when HE WOULD NEVER OF DONE THAT EVER....we got help but my mum made herself ill trying to keep him at home for as long as possible sadly Ali passed away 6 months or so ago

THANKS FOR POSTING MARLOWE

[astrid]

Been there done that,
my advice to anyone in this situation would be to run,
seriously... unless this person is committed to their own health
and has their own support team, you will lose much more than you will gain.
Don't forget also that relationships are all about you.. and what you need to
learn from the experience of being with this person, i would be asking yourself
some hard questions if i were in your shoes...

As i said, been there done that, this is just from my personal experience,
of course have compassion, always, but unless you have strong boundaries yourself,
its a very tough road you are on..

[modwiz]

Been there done that,
my advise to anyone in this situation would be to run,
seriously... unless this person is committed to their own health
and has their own support team, you will lose much more than you will gain.
Don't forget also that relationships are all about you.. and what you need to
learn from the experience of being with this person, i would be asking yourself
some hard questions if i were in your shoes...

As i said, been there done that, this is just from my personal experience,
of course have compassion, always, but unless you have strong boundaries yourself,
its a very tough road you are on..

First post of reasonable advice. You say things better than I do in these delicate situations, Astrid.

I'm sure many heroin users are in love with their drug.

[Mutchie]

It sounds to me like Astrid could be right .... im glad of this thread personality disorders need to be spoken about

[astrid]

The thing is also that many of these types are the very last to ever seek help,
they instead just feed off the energies of others.

BPD's are sneaky and tricky as they just shift and change depending on who they are with,
they can merge so well, as they have no real sense of themselves.. actually then need to merge,
to get their life force. Pure and simply you will be their battery.
If you are in love with this person, i would say that either they have done a good job of manipulating you,
which is what happened to me.. they are masters of charm and telling you exactly what you want to hear.
(and i fell for it), Or, you have something to learn from this particular person, it might also be karmic.
These are the questions i would be asking myself.
The problem with the " in love " part is that your objectivity will be out the window...
so well done for posting this, seriously.. you are amongst friends here,
even if we are the " tough love" type of friends.

Personally these days, i don't have any other types of friends than the ones
that are strong and brave enough to
:fish: me.

[Whiskey_Mystic]

I'm actually an expert on this one subject.

BPD can be overcome, but not usually. The barriers to overcoming it are very difficult for the BPD subject because a core experience of the disorder is a complete lack of a sense of self. It can be very difficult for them to be honest with themselves and do the hard work necessary to achieve change. It's easy to hate the Borderline, but their experience is an absolute hell. Have compassion. They did not volunteer. They aren't evil or sociopaths either. They are not their disorder. They are trapped in it.

I do agree with Astrid that unless this person is actively engaged and dedicated to addressing their disorder head on, then you will never have a relationship with them. You will only have a relationship with their disorder. Unless they are on a committed path to healing, even they do not get to have a relationship with themself.

It's easy to fall for a borderline at first because their lack of boundaries creates a false sense of intimacy and can make you feel needed, wanted, and useful. To some degree, borderlines tend to reflect those around them. If you are manipulated, it is because there is some part of you that is reacting. So find out where your buttons are and cover them up so they can;t be pushed.

If you are truly in love with this person and want to be with them, then educate yourself because it is a journey you will have to take together. And you're also going to need a professional.

[ghostrider]

In the words of Nazereth, eewwh eewwh Love Hurts....

[angelahedgehog]

Labels. I hate labels.

This is a person with cognitive and behavioural issues that probably stem from childhood. Not just a piece of meat with a BPD. The extreme thinking, adaptivity etc. all probably somehow linked back to childhood events, teenage events, parental figures, molestation, bullying etc.

A little more compassion and acceptance, a little less judgement. The judgement kinda looks a little like narcissistic personality disorder - another label.

As horrendously awful and unreasonable as a BPD personality can be, somehow I think this person would feel even worse about discovering that they're the subject of a disparaging discussion - of course fully rationalised - and I suppose if they did and they overreacted you could just turn around and say well that's what you get when you have a BPD - Have some meds and shut up.

Lol ... Labels. They try to wrap up all sorts of facts, thoughts and feelings into one neat little acronym. Useful for when you're studying to be a therapist because like a symbol, an acronym can 'hold' a lot of information but the therapist is only good when he/ she can adapt to each client's needs and not just try and shove everyone into a disorder shaped box and prescribe whatever big pharma says will help.

I think with the rise in the use of pharmaceuticals per head - it sort of indicates that the thinking around therapy may not alway be as conducive to healing the causes, than rather suppressing the symptoms.

(But what do I know? A Person with BPD is not quite the same as a socio or psychopath and these labels are apt for describing people with major past trauma ... Hopefully the culmination of responses will create a more balanced picture - thanks for posting) ;)

[marlowe]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder

I don't expect to get a lot of replies to this thread BUT this is something people need to know about...

Falling in love with a BPD person can be devestating.....

Actually I fell in love 32 years ago.....& she ended it after 6 months..& I have been haunted by it ever since,,,,,,But I have a tragic romantic personality according to the Enneagram.....So aparently I put a spell on myself.....{sort of}
Stupid me...:wacko:I only discovered what BPD was last week.....Then it all became clear.....better late than never......:plane:

[astrid]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder

I don't expect to get a lot of replies to this thread BUT this is something people need to know about...

Falling in love with a BPD person can be devestating.....


Actually I fell in love 32 years ago.....& she ended it after 6 months..& I have been haunted by it ever since,,,,,,But I have a tragic romantic personality according to the Enneagram.....So aparently I put a spell on myself.....{sort of}
Stupid me...:wacko:I only discovered what BPD was last week.....Then it all became clear.....better late than never......:plane:

Ok . Now we are getting somewhere
The issue is not your BPD ex ... It's that you have not cleared
this experience out of your field , possibly you are even still
corded .
I repeat what I said earlier ... Relationships are about you .
Stop thinking victim here and start being proactive
in your life . If you are still haunted as you say it's your stuff
and work out how to process it - there are many ways.

[Whiskey_Mystic]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder

I don't expect to get a lot of replies to this thread BUT this is something people need to know about...

Falling in love with a BPD person can be devestating.....

Actually I fell in love 32 years ago.....& she ended it after 6 months..& I have been haunted by it ever since,,,,,,But I have a tragic romantic personality according to the Enneagram.....So aparently I put a spell on myself.....{sort of}
Stupid me...:wacko:I only discovered what BPD was last week.....Then it all became clear.....better late than never......:plane:

Clearly your lingering attachment (obsession?) with this person has nothing to do with their BPD. This is all you.

[Snookie]

I was going to say that maybe they are just a young soul, or had issues from past lives they are working out in this one. But seeing this happened so long ago, and you only knew this person for what sounds like a short time, I wonder how well you knew her.

I treated an old boyfriend horribly when I was in my late teens - early 20s. I loved him, but didn't think I deserved him. Every time he asked me to marry him I dumped him...and that happened 4 times! I met him for lunch YEARS later to apologize to him for the way I treated him. It was something I felt so guilty about during all that time. So I guess what I did could have been misunderstood by anyone observing the situation. We all do things we regret, especially when we are young!

[Guest]

I have a family member who suffers with BPD. In fact I grew up with them. Their symptoms were early onset and unfortunately progressed as they matured into an adult. When we were young I sensed the disconnect and there were some definite behavioral issues that went along with the disconnect. Early on I figured out that I would never have a "normal relationship" with them; normal meaning a natural loving, nurturing and endearing relationship. I was always baffled by their behaviors -not ever really understanding or truly knowing what was going on with them. I learned to take care of my-self around them, develop relationship with other people and do the things that were good for my own being. Long road there not going to deny that. Eventually, I ran into a psychologist who was teaching at the college I was attending and asked them a lot of questions; explaining the symptoms and behaviors and some of my own feelings. They sat me down and with a lot of compassion explained this maddening condition to me.
Also, want to say if it's destructive or dangerous leave.

My family member still goes untreated to this day.

Here is a link to BPD -there are a lot of clinical approaches in the link, but also some good information for family and friends dealing with the person with the condition. http://www.borderlinepersonalitytoday.com/main/bpd_experts.htm

and here is an amazon link to the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells" -Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder. By Paul T. Mason and Randy Kreger. scroll down the page and there are many other links to many other books for people with the disorder and for family and friends. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/157224108X/ref=nosim/theborderlinesan

Stop Walking On Eggshells is a self-help guide that helps the family members and friends of individuals with borderline personality disorder (BPD) understand this self-destructive condition and learn what they can do to cope with it and take care of themselves. It is designed to help them understand how the disorder affects their loved ones and recognize what they can do to get off the emotional roller coasters and take care of themselves.


Love


Nora


Hugs Marlowe :hug:

[marlowe]

In the words of Nazereth, eewwh eewwh Love Hurts....

Actually Boudleaux Bryant wrote Love Hurts

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gram_Parsons

I apoligise if my opening post souded like a cry for help...I was just putting it out there

[deridan]

there is a sea of factors to a person,

according to what i read on wiki, one is so diagnosed, when primary affective factors go into this secondary flow:
"Individuals with BPD tend to experience frequent, strong and long-lasting states of aversive tension, often triggered by perceived rejection, being alone or perceived failure.[n 3] They may show lability (changeability) between anger and anxiety or between depression and anxiety[6] and temperamental sensitivity to emotive stimuli."

know theyself is the primary rule to managing oneself.
i see no reason why u should push these energy vampires down any further,
the disorder is primarily in the flow of this world,
---what intrinsic evilness is there anyway in persons?
f meds

[deridan]

check-list:
strategic airdrop done,
now enter more forces onto the board,
it seems, i'm just enjoying mechanics here, but some form of observing flows are necassary,
to every so-called normal person, personified in astrid, and all above, normization of there flows came from being present amongst flows,
to deny others gewissheid/awareness of those flows , if they display the first signs of -melty-personality disorder, is bad -unhuman, where-else would they learn, count your blessings that u have learnt
to narcissist energy vampires, well do stay away, & probably never be so close that part of your evolving-identity has to be fed from them.

[danceblackcatdance]

ah... my g/f seems to have just discovered this and thinks she is BPD... fits a lot of the checklist.... we've been going out for 4 years, but are semi separated at the moment after lots of stuff :(... thanks for the thread will do some more reading :)

[kyleannmontana]

There is a very revealing personality test on the web site www.similarminds.com. I took this test in June of this year and realized I am a composite of personality disorders. I do believe we all are and function in a way in which each grow and diminish with life's experiences. I have a 14% BDP and have never found it to be debilitating or devastating. Our make-up of what is referred to as "personality disorders" is what makes each of us interesting and unique. Embracing our own and others personalities, is what works for me.