Serious Laughter Thread

[Dennis Leahy]

This is on-topic, and not for the "lighter side" (sub-forum)...although it is about the lighter side.

As Einstein said, "Don't battle fire with fire!" (Well, he actually said "No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it." But I like the paraphrase better.)

So, inundated with negativity are we? Someone threw a handful of fear in the fan, did they? Well, we need some seriously "positive" and "non-serious" and "funny" energy to counter it. (Not to run away from real emotions or to dodge experiencing grief or sadness or whatever, but I sense a deliberate influx, an uptick, a boost in negativity. Someone has put a few quarters in the old FearMaster 5000 machine. So, I think we should drop a few silver dollars in the Gigglemaster 6000 machine.

What do you say? Anyone want to join in?

Let's see if I can get the ball rolling:

=========================

I saw a friend of mine the other day, and saw that he had two black eyes. Curious, I said to him, "How did you get two black eyes?"

He said, "I got them at church."

He could see by the look on my face that I didn't believe him. I said, "Oh really? Tell me how it happened."

He said, "The preacher had a particularly moving sermon. He called on us, all of us, to stop just sitting down, to really reach out and help each other. By the end of the sermon, everyone was standing."

"And the black eyes?, I said.

He said, "I was so moved to help, and I noticed the woman in front of me had her skirt stuck between her butt cheeks, so I pulled it out."

"That definitely explains one black eye", I said, "but how about the second one?"

He said, "Well, when I realized she didn't want me to pull her skirt out, I tucked it back in for her."

==========================

Dennis

[The Arthen]

hahahahahahaha

[johnf]

Thanks Dennis, this thread is just what many of us need. I was able to stay almost unaffected by bad news for a couple of days, then got caught up in it a bit. Today I went to see the Hobbit with a friend, and spent some time with him. Afterwards I realized that it was very important that I do things to lighten up again.

[TelosianEmbrace]

Are you OK with short vids, Dennis? I laughed long and loud at this one. You know those business fast-track type people who think they can get away with anything? Well, not always!


Uxf9WUsuVZI

[Jean-Luc]

How about this?

http:///www.vigli.org/Avalon/Considering_a_career.jpg

[TargeT]

Well the elections are over, but we can still laugh at them...

( I honestly find all of these funny, but this one especially, check out the ERB channel for more hilarity)

dX_1B0w7Hzc

Maybe a little holiday cheer?

Moses vrs Santa clause?
0kRAKXFrYQ4

if you found those as funny as I did, you'll want to check out the rest here:

http://epicrapbattlesofhistory.com/

[Muzz]

how about something topical :)

http://clarkbunch.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/2012.jpg

[TargeT]

how about something topical :)

http://clarkbunch.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/2012.jpg


Speaking of which, seen the forecast?

http://beforeitsnews.com/contributor/upload/2980/images/7%20Day%20Forcast.jpg

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/22013165.jpg

[Curt]

A little Ron Swanson always brightens my day.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_on5gEMAfM

[mosquito]

A lawyer, an accountant and a hell's angel were having a berr together.

The lawyer says "I'm buying my wife a new Mercedes for christmas, but I'll buy a necklace too, in case she doesn't like the car".

The accountant thought for a moment and said "Well I'm buying my wife a diamond studded watch, but I'll pay for a Carribean cruise, just in case she doesn't like the watch".

The hell's angel sniffed, put his beer down and said "Yeah well I'm gonna get my old lady a t-shirt and a dildo. I figure if she doesn't like the t-shirt, she can go f*ck herself"

[Shade]

http://projectavalon.net/forum4/attachment.php?attachmentid=19668&d=1355846908

http://projectavalon.net/forum4/attachment.php?attachmentid=19670&d=1355847028

[PurpleLama]

<begin transmission>

God is Fun.

We are God's Prime Time.

<end transmission>

[778 neighbour of some guy]

Something really funny happened to me in Sri Lanka, actually more then one funny thing teehee.

About 5 years ago now i went there with a friend, she had visited the country before and said it was one of the most wonderfull places she had ever been to, so we decided to go together this time so i could see for myself.

1. we landed in Amman for a refueling stop before we could continue our journey and we had to go through customs, in my luggage i had a small rubber yellow ducky ( signor Quacko) a friend who was studying was not able to come ith us due to his finances as a student but he asked me to take his mascotte ( signor Quacko) along for the trip and make some pictures of Quacko on the most beautiful places so he could feel like he was with us. Anywho, going through Jordanian customs is not funny at all, hairy very serious looking dudes with mirror sunglasses, spotless uniforms, huge sidearm handcannons and no sense of humor whatsoever, i was told to turn my backpack upside down so they could go through the contents, one pair of underpants, t shirt, flipflops, a digital camera i barrowed from my friend so i could take pics of Sgnr Quacko, a sony discman, toothbrush, spare batteries and of course Sgnr Quacko ( this was the handluggage you could stuff in the rack above your seat of course), WELLLLLL the spare batteries and Sgnr Quacko fell out of my pack simultaniously and that was it, i thought i would get shot on the spot ( seriously), the mustache of duty turned pale, started shouting at me, and put his hand on his cannon and asked what was the purpose of the ducky and the batteries, two badass mofos joined him and i was told to step aside, his collegues were stending next to me, one left/ one right, by now i was nearly ****ting myself and thought what the hell is happening here man, why me, what did i do? Sgnr Quacko got to be the victim of some serious sexual abuse and rough handling, he got squeezed, his whistle got probed, they weighed him/ smelled him/ he exchanged hands a few times for a rectal exam and he received serious suspicious looks and a x ray , at last they were satisfied the batteries could not be inserted in the duck and they were not dealing with cleverly silly disguised plastic explosives, i was told to move along a given the stinkeye while moving along. (Apperently there were some bomb threats so that would explain the whole deal, but never before have the viscos properties of fecal matter crossed my mind like it that day).

2. We at last landed in Colombo, the capital of Sri Lanka and boy is it hot and humid there, we made our way through customs without a hitch this time and walked out of the airport to catch our minivan to the hotel, never being exposed to real poverty and the fact that people in a tropical climate have a sortof different disposition ( smile a lot and dont give a ****, if i eat tonight this has been a good day), the first thing i saw was an old man in some dirty huge white underpants with skidmarks from here to godknows where and he smelled a bit funny too ( and it was not exotic spices or the mysteries of the orient i can asure you), struck by the sight of this supposedly poor shmuck i reached into my pocket and gave him some rupees and for some reason i said in dutch what he obvoiusly did not understand to go fetch himself a new pair of underpants preferably not white, but i did so with a smile so he could understand my excellent good white honky post colonial spoiled intentions and he could walk away with some cash a great smile because me the great white saviour has granted him the eternal joy of clean underpants. Well he put me in my place without a word to me, he threw the money away gave me dirty look and walked away, back straight, head held up high, nose in the air and a brisk pace like he was royalty.

Our guide smiled to me very friendly and told me not to worry about it, the man just wanted to be a good host and say hello my dear friend, welcome to my wonderfull country, and i insulted him by giving him money this time ( he probably got some money from somebody else a few minutes before we met and he knew he was going to eat that night, so being in a good mood saying hi would be enough for him.) That was a very interesting half minute of my life and it made quite an impression on me as you can tell by now.

3. Humidity......... the climate there is amazing, shorts, t shirts and flipflops will do just fine, but the humidity and the creatures that thrive in it are eeeeeeeeeeeverywhere, i went to the bathrooom in our lodge to go nr 2, pulled my shorts down, sat down to make my first splash ( shplooomp)in this amazing country, wel i splashed first and screamed later, the second my turd hit the water something cold jumped out of the bowl and hit my scrotum trying to make a run for it............, my ladyfriend was laughing her ass of when i stumbled tripping over my own feet into the bedroom with my shorts on my ankles pointing at the bathroom......... i got the sweetest smile ever from her and she said.............cute little froggie in the bowl??

4. Almost everything hysterical involved animals on this trip , since in Holland i got no exposure to them besides cats/dogs/small birds, so here we go agian, the Jungle camp, my friend told me, hang your shoes by the laces high up in the tentpoles, you knever know what might crawl in for shelter tonight( we shared a large open tent, front open, back open, it was basicaly a huge tarp to shelter us from the rain incase it should rain, that night i woke up becuase i heard some noises in the tent i got my flashlight at took a look around, behold a huge lizard was going through my backpack, ( maybe trying to find a pair of flipflops to match his camouflage, who knows can tel), apperently the tent was just on his route to its way home so he walked in the front of the tent and out through the back.

Fell back asleep and woke up without further incident very early in the morning but there was allready daylight, the previous night our guide showed us our shower, it was a bucket with water that emtied in another bucket with holes in it that was hanging in a tree, you could emty the water bucket in the holed bucket by pulling a string, the water has the temperature of the surrounding air and jungle so thats pretty nice i thought, so i will take a shower. Before we left to Sri Lanka my friend told me to shave of my pubes since it is so hot and humid there you get stinky pretty fast no matter how good your personal hygene is, so i had done had, ( i wacked the weeds with a razor), well, my skin got a bit irritated around that particular area due to the heat, so while standing under the shower tree, string in hand i looked down, yeah just what i thought red irritated small pimples but no big deal, just annoying and itchy, then i looked up to watch the bucket tilt when i pulled the string so i could gain some control over the water flow, worked perfectly, however, as soon as the water hit me and ran down my body it of course hit my lower bodyparts too eh, and it buuuuuurned like hell so i start dancing and squirming around trying to keep my mouth shut so nobody could hear me go aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwww sh!!!!!!!!t, daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn, oe , aaa, F@ck, and then a branck dropped next to me, not a big one, but not a branch from the type of tree i was standing under, so it had to have come from somewhere right? I look up and to my left.............. two monkeys i a tree, watching me, laughing their hoohoohaaahaaaaaaaaaaaschriekschriek asses of and trowing branches at this dancing idiot in their forest, for some reason i started talking them and tried to explain it was because of the shaving. al i got back were more branches. grinn.



Plenty more where these came from btw, hope you had fun reading that, all totally true, heehee;)

[Wind]

http://oi49.tinypic.com/14b6dk2.jpg

[Wookie]

http://wheretruthlies.com/drupal/sites/default/files/images/RedMeatRaggedyAnne.preview.jpg
http://www.xopl.com/blog/embedded/redmeat.png
http://www.straight.com/files/images/central/CAR_Meat_2328.jpg
http://www.redmeat.com/redmeat/2003-02-25/index-1.gif
http://i100.photobucket.com/albums/m10/hellfiend666/redmeat.gif

Peaceful Journeys Wookie

[noxon medem]

..
-

Time for a classic Monty Python :
- Mr. Creosote .


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aczPDGC3f8U
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aczPDGC3f8U

Enter the greedy elite, about
to take responseability, or
to burst into oblivion ..

-

Anyway, here is the following chapter
from Monty Pythons "Meaning of Life"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXH_12QWWg8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXH_12QWWg8
( Mr. Creosote Blows Up )
- A tiny little mint ...

:- )

[Fred Steeves]

Gotta give our dog friends a nod here: :)

nGeKSiCQkPw

[Teti75]

Here's a good one
it has images but I didn't found how attach them.


April was my son's birthday and his gift was an iPhone. He loved it ... Who does not?

I celebrated my birthday in August, and my wife made me very happy, gave me an iPad
My daughter's birthday was in December so we give her an iPod Touch.

My wife celebrated her birthday in January and we give an iRon.

That's where the anger began
What my wife failed to recognize was that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with iWash, iCook and iClean.
Inevitably activated the i-*@#%*
I hope to leave the hospital on Thursday, I'm reporting ...

[Ultima Thule]

I hear Apple has postponed the launch of their mini version of iPad aimed at children - iTouch kids was not the ideal name after all..

UT

[Akasha]

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/29988513.jpg

¤=[Post Update]=¤

Technically it should be Ettre Touretterials rather than Aliens but hey, close enough.

[mosquito]

In Britain, we tell jokes about (among other things) Essex girls. You could probably substitute "blondes". Here are some of my favourites:

Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and a Rotweiller ?
A: Lipstick

Q: How do you know when an Essex girl's having an orgasm ?
A: She drops her chips

Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and an Essex man ?
A: The Essex girl has a higher sperm count

Q: What do you call an Essex girl with 2 braincells ?
A: Pregnant

Q: What do an Essex girl and a washing machine have in common ?
A: They both whine when they're f*cked

[DeDukshyn]

I hear Apple has postponed the launch of their mini version of iPad aimed at children - iTouch kids was not the ideal name after all..

UT

Shock humour rocks! thanks for the ballz! ;) (sore gut now ;))

¤=[Post Update]=¤

Russel Peters ...

ZtbyVFLl_7U

HOm-15621bs

[Ultima Thule]

What's the biggest hypocrisy?
You walk past an open door of a vegetarian restaurant and from inside hear sounds of laughter, dancing and someone playing accordion big time.

UT

[gripreaper]

OK, I get it.

dog and cat humor usually works.

First you have to get them going:

https://i.chzbgr.com/completestore/12/11/1/ZSz0omn-YEC-Yfce4ULy-A2.gif

But be careful, cause some of what you hear and see might be an illusion.

http://img641.imageshack.us/img641/3544/bealertforexcessinterne.jpg

But this is hilarious. If only we could be this focused.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=f309fSTWYo4

Or get together for a meal.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVwlMVYqMu4

But be careful, laughter is contagious.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeauvE1M7qc

And of course, one of my own:

http://meemsy.com/v/5230

[gripreaper]

Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it.'

'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'

'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.

'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'

'Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol.'

'Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?'

'Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the $h!t out of them and eat 'em!'

'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the $h!t out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an a&&hole and a briefcase.

[donk]

0A5t5_O8hdA

[Grumpy Cat]

H3NVPOedkEk

The video is even funnier if you have an insight in to the NHS mental health system as I do :D

"It's hard to get by when your arse is the size of a small country!" hahahah